Chapter XI: Reconciliation

Finally, the day came.

After a full week, and plenty of laborious work and guard duty (without a weapon, of course- like a helpless sheep waiting to be shot in the face by the scouting team before the rest of the main force moved in), I was finally considered 'trustworthy' to the community, and full access to the rest of the town was granted to me.

Still no weapons outside of my knife, though. Real fuckin' nice in a horror show of a world like this.

While I considered immediately making a beeline for Joel's abode, I knew that would not do. I did not want to raise suspicion towards myself so quickly, especially right after getting this access.

There were a number of factors I knew nothing about; How much Ellie knew, whether Joel told her of what I'd said, who Ellie was to Joel-

Not only that, but I was still intensely paranoid that a faction member from a community I'd attacked in the past would come riding up to those big gates and inform the community of my misdeeds, thus leading to my summary execution. I had made sure to keep my identity hidden so long for such a reason- I had always considered finding a place to make my permanent home, eventually.

And so, painstakingly, I waited just a few more days.

And the day finally came.

"Jack."

"H-Huh?"

I stuttered as I saw Ellie suddenly enter my view; I had been in the middle of shoveling snow (practically invulnerable to the cold at this point), when she came walking up with a red scarf (that complemented her hair color incredibly well), a beige sweater and blue jeans.

Beautiful, absolutely beau-

"Uh, Jack?"

"Yessss." I tried to say concretely- determined to stop losing my shit around her. She chuckled at my response.

"Okay then. Anyways, usually it'd be a big ceremony and all, but..."

She handed me a hand-stitched ribbon, with the words 'New Citizen!' lapeled in the center of it. I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle; Such a goofy contrast to the bleakness of everything else to me at the moment. Ellie seemed to appreciate my humor, as she smiled herself.

BEAUTI-

I grit my teeth to dispel the miasma that flooded my mind every single time I saw Ellie. It was becoming maddening to a certain point.

"Yeah. So, if you wanna, I don't know, hit up the bar or something to celebrate-"

"Sure!" I said with a bit more enthusiasm than I wanted to give off. "Um... Yeah. That's cool. I just... need to go finish up a few chores first."

Ellie laughed and nodded.

"Ever the worker bee, aren't you? Alright then, just let me know. I... wanna talk to you some more. Get you acquainted with the community and all that. You did save my life, after all. It'd only be repaying the kindness."

I nodded gratefully.

"Thank you, Ellie. I'll be back."

And with that, I departed, seeming as if I was heading to one of the silos to haul corn, then backtracked and began making my way toward's Joel's house- Having subtly gathered information on his whereabouts and character from idle chat and conversation.

It only pained me to hear that practically everyone in the camp held a high view of him. Even in the coming moments of seeing him again, I was emotionally torn inside and out; Indecision and anxiety had plagued me whenever I was alone, as I had been battling with the decision to make regarding my father; The only thing I wanted at this point, at the very least, was to know more about the man who'd been missing from the last 17 years of my life.


(Music: "The Mountain Between Us", by Ramin Djawadi)


Eventually, I came upon the described lodge on Rancher Street; A modest two-story house with a roofed front porch and white-picketed yard. It was incredibly picturesque, a home I always envisioned living in with my family. Though anxious, spurts of mind-boggling euphoria also shot through me. Finally, I was getting the chance to talk with him. Years, years spent thinking about these exact moments...

Finally.

And yet, even standing only feet away from the house, it felt as if there was a great distance between him and I. Now, at the revealing moment my lifelong journey...

Losing my nerve, I slinked around the house to the back, gauging the presence of anyone besides Joel here. I tried looking in the windows, and was surprised to have a clear view into the dining room, living room and kitchen, with a set of stairs leading up to the second floor.

How vulnerable! Did he really show such vulnerability, even in these comfortable circumstances?

Creeping around the side, I came upon the back of the house; A freshly-built balcony with a set of stairs leading into the small yard. And-

Joel.

Sitting on the porch, drinking from a bottle of whiskey and hanging his head in his hands. I wasn't sure what to do at first, so I sat and watched Joel continue to swill from the bottle. I was alarmed when he suddenly jerked his head towards my direction, unholstering an unseen pistol and pointing it at my general direction with haste.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"

Despite being frightened, I was also inspired; I knew the blood of this man ran through me. I fucking knew it! I wasn't insane, he wasn't dead!

"Don't... shoot." I muttered, emerging from the brush with my hands raised. Joel's face suddenly slackened with shock as he saw me, lowering the pistol.

"H..." He gasped, unable to form a response. He simply stared at me for several moments, and I could see the turmoil in his eyes. "...Jack."

"...Father."

Joel's face tightened, tears beginning to surface in his eyes before he wiped them away frantically. Silence filled the air, with nothing to be said from either of us. Until...

"Let's... talk." He muttered.


I took a seat next to him, as he hastily put away the half-empty liquor bottle and holstered his pistol. I watched him as he did so, studying his expressions, mannerisms, and behavior. I wanted badly to know more from him. I wanted to ask him so many questions.

Finally, he settled back down in the other rocking chair, sighing deeply as if exhausted. He looked to me, then averted his eyes in shame. Despite wanting to ask him questions, I couldn't build up the courage to start the conversation. Just being in his presence had changed me entirely.

"...Jack." He muttered. "...That's... a good name."

I nodded awkwardly.

"...Thanks."

Silence once more.

...

...

...

"...So... why do you keep your curtains open?" I asked sheepishly.

"Huh?"

"Why do you keep the curtains in your house open? ...Anyone can see what you're doing."

Joel looked up towards the town, his eyes clouding over for a moment.

"I..."

He turned back around to stare at the silent, snow-blanketed scenery in his backyard once more, sighing like a man much older than he was now.

"...made a promise to a friend of mine a few nights ago. She was... so scared I'd died, heh... She made me promise to keep the house lit and the curtains open so she could see me whenever she came back."

He fiddled with his hands, as if unsure of what to say next. The same applied to me. My mind was a jumbled mess, and I had an itching feeling I knew who he was referring to, but I didn't particularly care that much at the moment; Though a small lump of indignation had built up in me, thinking of him caring for someone else after leaving me.

It wasn't intentional. He didn't know about you. Tess didn't tell him. Stop blaming Joel.

I had to keep repeating those words in my mind to keep myself from reacting aggressively towards Joel; Even in these moments, knowing all I did, I couldn't help but harbor a long-standing resentment towards the only family I had left alive- Of not being there for me in my younger years.

"...Can you... will you..." Joel uttered with a quivering voice. "Tell me... what happened?"


(Music: "Te Quise Amar", by Jurrivh)


That was all I needed to hear. I started from the beginning, when I was only a few years old; I told him of Tess, how she had taken care of me until the day she'd left me with the Fireflies; I told him of my capture and indoctrination into the Vultures, of the sordid things I did; I told him of my journey across the states, what I saw and experienced; I told him of my survival in the wilderness, having to fight humans and Infected alike; I told him of the first camp I'd snuck into, the first person I robbed; The first person I killed. I told him of the day to day struggle to find something to eat, to avoid being frozen to death or dying of heat stroke, to avoid being slaughtered by Cannibals, hunted by Hunters, and devoured by Infected. I told him of the small interactions I'd had on the trail, meeting all kinds of different people and hearing their own stories, and usually seeing their premature demise in the same day. I told him of the ambitions I came to embrace once I learned to survive and thrive in this hellish world, of the desire to settle down with a girl and live a life of peace. I told him of the dreams I had, the desires I sought, my own personal philosophy.

Everything. I told him of everything and anything I could think of. Because in those hours of nonstop rambling and ranting and raving...

I wanted to be understood. I wanted to be seen and heard by the only other person in this entire world with whom I shared a bond of blood. I wanted to be-

...Huh?

It was then that I noticed Joel breaking down crying; Tears streaming down his face without reprieve. His face was scrunched up in sorrow as he fell from the chair onto his knees, to my shock and grief.

"Oh, God! Oh God! Jack! I'm so sorry, I'm so damn sorry! I wish you could have met Sarah! I wanted to be there for you and Tess! I-I... I..."

He fell on me, hugging me with such intensity that I felt my own grief begin to manifest in tears.

"Wh...Wha..." I muttered confusedly, shaking uncontrollably.

"I SWEAR, Jack! I swear on my life, I will be here for you! I will never let myself be separated from you!"

He gripped my shoulders, gritting his teeth to steady himself as he looked at me with teary eyes.

"Please forgive me! Please, forgive me, Jack! I don't want to lose you, too! I will stay by your side till our last days on Earth! You are my son, and I love you!"

I couldn't bear it any longer. Distraught and completely overwhelmed, I pushed him away, jumping over the balcony and running away from the house.

"JAAACK! WAAAIIITTT!"

I fled with all the strength my legs had. I couldn't bear the overwhelming turmoil that raged inside me. I couldn't handle this flood of emotions.

And so, I ran. I ran, and ran, and ran through the streets of the settlement, trying to run from this torment. Exhausted, I finally came upon the massive walls at the back end of the settlement. I crumpled to the snowy ground, sobbing my heart out, the cold biting at me more harshly than before. I was weak. No matter how much I had closed off my emotions in the past...

I couldn't escape them no matter where I went.

...

...

...

I sat in the snow, toiled in my emotions completely. I was spent, and so my mind only wandered about in deep and somber thought.

...

...

...

"Huh?"

My eyes had glanced upon a portion of the wall, noticing a dark spot that seemed to depress underneath the metal-plated barriers. I trudged up to the depressed spot, shoveling aside some of the snow-

"Huh!"


(Music: "Final Expense (Payback Mix)" by Darren Korb)


Pushing aside the snow revealed a shallow tunnel dug underneath the wall, and peering through it revealed the outside of the settlement. Alarmed, I looked around at my environment frantically, and discerned shadows moving around one of the buildings heading further into the settlement.

YES.

The turmoil dissipated, replaced by twisted malice. I unsheathed a hunting knife I'd 'borrowed' from one of the lodges early into my arrival here, and crept up towards the shadows, following the evildoers towards whatever their objective was.

They came up to one of the bigger buildings, a stockpile warehouse, and busted the lock on the door, heading inside. Filled with wrathful glee, I slinked in to follow them.

Eager to placate the murderous rage overwhelming me.