Chapter XVII: Riposte (Part II)
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I gazed with despair at the emotional wreck of my brother, weeping inconsolably and crying out for blood like a mad dog; knowing there were no words that would assuage Tommy's worries, I limped over, planting my good knee on the ground and laid my hand softly on his shivering back.
"She'll pull through, Tommy. She'll pull through."
"God, I don't want it to end like this, Joel! Oh, Christ in Heaven, don't let it all go to hell!-"
It tore at my soul to see Tommy losing his mind; he was descending into despair and madness, for more reasons than just the health of his wife. Having these few moments away from the fog of war gave me unwanted clarity.
I realized that our leadership had broken down quickly once the artillery had started coming in, leaving the town in a state of chaos as people would no doubt scramble to find cover. The close firefights I'd experienced up until getting here were sign enough that the enemy was more numerous, well-trained, and well-armed than us. I had no clue as to how many regions of the city were under Jacksonite control or the enemy's, nor how many fighters were left on our side versus theirs.
But from the general look of things, and the advantage of artillery our enemy had over us, we were likely going to lose this fight. Jackson City could be destroyed.
As badly as I wanted to check on Jack and Ellie and form a plan to get the hell outta here, I had to watch over Tommy for at least a few minutes, if only to make sure he didn't break down completely. At the same time, I had to come to terms with the fact that no matter how much I tried to speak sense to Tommy, he was not going to leave this settlement no matter what- especially now that his wife was forced to stay put.
Aching despair overcame me; knowing it was not an option to stick with my brother until the bitter end, if that was what it came to. I abhorred anticipating the thought that I would have to flee with Ellie and Jack, leaving behind one of the only family I had left; and the people that had given me a home for the past 5 years. I hadn't the words to describe how I felt, seeing my cozy hometown smolder and crackle after all the time I'd spent here, all the time I'd spent with Ellie, and the time I still had to spend with Jack.
My body's nerves pinched in unspeakable fury; a rage I hadn't felt in years. I needed to make a decision soon. To run, or fight. I came to a conclusion. One that was selfish in thought and would be horrific in practice.
If the situation got any more desperate than it was now, I'd take Ellie and Jack with me. I'd tear my weeping brother away from his dying wife and drag him away to survive another day, if that was what had to be done to keep my family alive. The soul-gripping thought of seeing any more of my kin die twisted my mind and moralities to find ways of keeping those I loved alive.
I had to keep Jack alive- for Tess.
I had to keep Ellie alive- for me.
I had to keep Tommy alive- for Marie.
And I had to keep myself alive- For Sara.
And I... would... do... anything... to protect them all.
No more losing loved ones.
Never. Again.
JACK
Having been vacated of most its warriors, the quaint lobby of Jackson's town hall was fraught with the decrepit, intermittent sounds of the battle-afflicted, shadowed closely by the ambience of muffled gunfire and blasts outside. The perimeter around the town hall was regained, and so the front doors were unbarred to allow new injured to funnel in and recover from their physical and mental trauma. The toll of war laid heavy on those who'd managed to survive so far; many of the injured lay in catatonic shock, while others muttered incoherently or sobbed quietly in their cots. The floors and furniture were soaked in the blood and dirt dragged in by the wounded, who might soon outnumber the healthy conscripts left to fight.
"Come on, let's get you somewhere to rest. I still can't believe you're standing upright."
Though already layered with waves of depleting exhaustion, I still managed to find a modicum of irritation aimed at Ellie, who was treating me like a dying combatant as she practically tried to carry me to the cleanest cot available. As much as my body was screaming at me to rest, I was ladled with anxiety at the thought that I would not be waking up from this rest- especially in the midst of the giant battle raging outside.
WHY was I here right now?!
"I... I need to write a will first." I half-joked to Ellie, trying to alleviate my biting worries.
"Shut up, Jack- you don't know how to write."
"Hehahah!"
I covered my mouth in sheer embarrassment- FUCK! Ellie's retort was so unexpected and crude- it was right up my alley of humor. I turned my face away shamefully, but was surprised to hear Ellie burst out chuckling. Without realizing it, I instantly forgave her for baiting me into revealing my illiteracy hours ago.
"I think that's the first time I've heard you genuinely laugh!" She remarked; the way she said it sounded as if she'd unearthed a priceless discovery. Pangs of aching affection rang similarly along with the streams of pain wracking my body. Rarely had I found myself in such prolonged situations of terror, and in such a bizarre setting as to rest during an ongoing siege. Ellie and Joel proved to be invaluable sources of comfort and solace for me; especially when it seemed like death was creeping ever closer.
"Rgh!"
"Will you quit shifting around and just stay still?"
Ellie pushed my shoulder softly, an expression of slight annoyance passing by her features. I grunted rebelliously while laying down in the cot; feeling like the most vulnerable animal in the world. I mean, hell, why not just leave myself open to any attack from any possible direction, with no chance of being able to retaliate effectively? A fucking mortar could come down on us all and crush our miserable lives just like that.
That's why I kept my rifle by my side. It didn't stop artillery, but it damn sure allowed me to decide my fate.
"Gimme that."
"Excuse me?"
I scoffed several times as Ellie grabbed for my rifle; naturally, I pushed her hands away and gripped the gun tighter to my chest.
"Are you fucking insane? Trying to de-fang me during a WAR?!"
"Stop being so fuckin' dramatic, Jack! The parts are going to poke into your side and aggravate your wounds. You have a whole host of armed guards watching over you as it is!"
"Oh, gotcha- trust the FARMER'S MARKET to protect my life!"
I groaned in pain as Ellie's foot jabbed lightly from below the cot into my back, and glared at her with irritation.
"My wounds are aggravated!"
"You're aggravating me!"
Ellie huffed a good number of times, crossing her arms and peering at me. The sudden silent gazing took me off-guard, and I instinctively averted my eyes toward the stupid bastard in the cot next to me. He was thankfully unconscious, or dead, it didn't matter as long as I didn't have some fucking walnut yapping in my ear during my precious time with Ellie.
It would... be an understatement to say I was feeling a constant pang of dread at the thought of dying needlessly during the siege, or losing Ellie and Joel in all of the chaos of this little war. I was in adrenaline-induced excitement from experiencing the throes of a defensive siege (as I could utilize this information for profit and future encounters- if I lived). However, I had rarely felt such a worry come over me- for someone other than myself.
I knew both Ellie and Joel were more than competent in a firefight. I'd seen Ellie in combat, and Joel was my father, so I had faith in his combat abilities. Still, this was an all-out siege, and the addition of artillery made everyone's lives a chaotic gamble rather than a calculated risk. We needed to take out those fucking mortars-
"Quit thinking about fighting."
My head swiveled back to Ellie- what kind of sorcery did she possess?
She saw the confusion on my face and smiled wearily. I could see the siege had taken its toll on her health, mentally and physically.
"I've been around you for a few weeks now, Jack. You can't hide all o' your habits."
Her grin melted, sending jabs of pain through my mind. I dearly wished for her to smile at me again, for far longer.
"I've spent less time around others and known more. But I still know next to nothing about you. Since you're... immobilized, I'm going to use this to my advantage and interrogate you for some answers."
Immediately, I began trying to climb out of the bed, held back down by Ellie's firm grasp.
"Oh, no no no- you're not going anywhere."
Physically resisting was futile. I'd relaxed too much; the only strength left in my body focused purely on keeping me awake, sane, and conscious. Even mustering some words in protest was an incredible chore for my muscles.
"No... fuck... way..."
"Quit bitching," Ellie huffed. "With any luck, we'll be incinerated by the next shell they lob our way. Might as well tell one or two stories about your past."
Her attempt at gallows humor -which normally wouldn't have bothered me- actually struck a bolt of terror through my body like a tangible shock. I gripped the bed with bloodied and half-frozen fingers, anchoring myself upward and looking Ellie directly in the eyes.
"Don't joke about th- CRK!"
I fell back pathetically onto the bed, aching from several jabs of pain that ruptured through my body the moment I'd uprighted myself. I was beginning to seethe at my own weakness; spending time here, softening the walls I'd built up over the course of years, degrading my endurance, and sapping at the physical prowess I once prided myself on-
It was truly infuriating.
"Jack..."
The tone of Ellie's voice waned me from my frustrations. I clustered some willpower to make eye contact, and was shocked to peer into those pale-green eyes; seeing genuine concern. Such compassion... it was incomprehensible to me why this settlement's people were so pacified. This place had been infantilized to an insane degree; somehow, in this unbearable, unceasing, unfathomably terrifying hellscape- these people had managed to pick kindness back up along their journey.
Still, I attributed most of this 'reborn' innocence and complacency toward survival to the giant walls that surrounded this town. Not having to deal with the primary problem of the entire world was a pretty good excuse to grow soft- but no one with excuses could survive for long outside comfortable walls like these. This battle seemed to be driving the point home.
These people were unprepared for such an assault, and outclassed in almost every way.
For a few moments, an awkward silence fostered between us after I broke my graze, distressed about my current situation and still fighting the urge to mentally fold on my consciousness. I had to protect Ellie and Joel at all costs. I had to... I had to... I had just gained them into my life.
...
"Oh!"
The silence was broken; my attention now drawn to the sight of Ellie practically stumbling over to a nearby cot, picking up a guitar that'd been laying against it with joy. She turned and smiled heartfully, in sheer contrast to the macabre atmosphere all around us.
"Might as well pass the time."
She walked back over, pulling up a stool from under the cot to my right, and taking a seat as she fiddled with the guitar. I wasn't quite sure what she was doing, as I'd never actually heard anyone play an instrument; how could I, when loud sounds were a one-way ticket to death in the wilderness? Then again, I knew almost nothing about music -except for the ear-bleeding songs I heard play in the bar that one time- so I couldn't really know if I'd actually heard a guitar in the past, since most of the music I heard came from radios or speakers. I supposed this was a luxury that could be afforded in a walled, guarded settlement; even if it was in blazes.
And... I was curious to hear what it sounded like.
I watched idly as Ellie twisted the metal screws at the top of the device, using her fingernails to thrum each thin cord that ran from the base to the top of the guitar. Her twinging of the cords produced peculiar but soothing sounds, much different from the natural sounds one could distinguish in the outdoors. It was like... sound that had been tamed and changed into harmony for the ears.
"Alright, I think this is good."
Ellie settled her hands more evenly across the guitar, laying her right hand over the strings above the carved hole and her left hand gripping the handle.
"What are... you going to... play?"
I managed a question through ragged breaths, and felt elation as Ellie beamed a forlorn smile at me.
"It's from an album I found during a scavenge. The song's called 'The Thief and The Moon'. I think it kind of fits our current... situation."
I nodded in satisfaction, waiting for Ellie to begin playing. I couldn't help but feel special, seeing such a beautiful and fierce woman like Ellie settling down to play for me.
Thrummm.
(Music: "Thief and The Moon", by Shawn James)
From the moment she twinged that first note, I was absorbed in the performance; the distant echoes of hellish warfare faded into the background, leaving me to fully encapsulate Ellie- who'd been removed from the rest of this reality and entered her own world. The graceful movement of her fingers across the strings, the subtle repositioning of her arms and legs to move in tandem with the song's rhythm, and above all...
Her haunting yet heavenly voice.
"Said the thief to the moon,
I'll extinguish your light soon."
"I'll put an end to all the light that you shed on this world in its darkened state."
"Said the moon... to the thief,
You know not of what you seek."
"You'll doom the world to wander the night with no light to guide the paths that men seek."
"O-Oh, but all the wealth in the world will be mine...
Without a means of defense for all those blind..."
"My very existence is a ways to attain wealth...
Fo-or the thief's only loyalty in life is to the Devil and himself- wha... Jack, are you alright?"
I returned from my contemplation as Ellie shook my shoulders softly, staring at her blurry face...
Blurry...?
I rubbed my eyes, utterly shocked to feel my hands dampening with tears- the exhaustion had broken my mental state, and left me vulnerable to self-contemplation. The song's words had led me to subconsciously relate with the thief, in many ways; none of them good.
Even as I tried to indifferently analyze my own emotions, I felt myself breaking down internally; waves of guilt visited me once again, and the faint ambiance of the terror just outside came rushing back. I felt my hands shaking inexplicably, and turned my face into the cot while trying to stem the trickle of tears running down my bloodied face. That, too, I realized in the midst of my pitiable state- I was caked in the blood of myself and others, torn with innumerable wounds, yet Ellie had looked past it all and shared a living, breathing essence of love with me. That song was... it was...
"Mmmfffphh."
"Uh... what?" Ellie asked softly in concern. I realized I was still burying my face in the cot like a fucking dumbass, and raised my torso and kept my face averted from Ellie's gaze; still trying to wipe away the grime.
"...Amazing," I muttered. "Please... keep playing."
I didn't see her expression, but she probably smiled- and continued the song gracefully.
"The earth wil riiise up and devour all that you a-are.
The skies call fo-orth thunderous storms from afar."
"When you're dead, there will be no grave to remember your na-ame.
For your greed brings your end, and there's no one but yourse-elf to bla-ame."
By the time she elegantly plucked at the last few chords, I'd been gazing absentmindedly at her hands and face; I was legitimately fucking charmed. I was losing the ability to form coherent thoughts and sentences. I could feel every microsecond pass the moment her lips began to part and utter words. If I hadn't intimately learned social conventions, I would have leapt from the bed, wrapped my arms around Ellie, and pressed my lips against hers in reckless abandon.
"I was serious about teaching you to read and write."
I know. I know you are. This isn't infatuation. This is love. I love you. I love you, Ellie.
Ellie shifted the guitar onto a nearby stand, a strand of hair slipping from her ear and magnifying her beauty a hundredfold. She glanced up at me and smiled wholesomely.
"Though, being in Wyoming, we've got mostly books about farming and agriculture. Actually, you know who used to be a farmer and could help translate some of the words is Dina-"
FUCK DINA. F.U.C.K. D.I.N.A!
F-U-C-K D-I-N-A! FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK DDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
FUCKING- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK! I SHOULD HAVE KILLLEDDD HEERRRRRRR WHEN I HAD THE CHAAAAANNNNCCCEEE!
FUCK DINA! FUCK THAT FUCKING FUCKER! SHIT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH, SON OF A BITCH I'M FUCKING MELTIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGGGG! FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINAFUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA FUCK DINA-
"Hey, Earth to Jack."
I had to cover my face so as not to reveal the expression of barely-contained rage surfacing. I was utterly ashamed at my continued immaturity with romance. Yet I could posit no other reaction- for all of my life, if I wanted something,
I'd FIGHT for it. Not being able to solve this issue through open conflict resulted in my bottling these intense feelings up, and in such stressful conditions like this, they were prone to spilling over.
...
My face slackened; I felt... Ellie's lips graze my cheek.
(Music: "Keep You In Line", by Jamie Berry)
Wha...
Wuh... was... that?
My head drifted in and out of focus from Ellie's words- I was entranced by the way her mouth moved; how her lips parted, pursed, and glided into grins and smiles. D... Did she really... kiss my cheek? W...Why?!
"I appreciate everything you've done for us, and for me. You fight hard with everything you do. You inspire me. No matter how you feel, or what you do, you'll always be my hero from the moment you saved Joel's life."
Being in her presence made me feel like a lowly, filth-born crook. My feelings of love and euphoria morphed into thoughts of inadequacy and painful longing, and those feelings were washed anew with intense passion and love. I wanted to hug and kiss Ellie. I wanted to pick her up with both arms and run off to a house on a hill, and live out the rest of my days there with her. I wanted to spend our first days building traps and barricades, and our first nights crafting useful tools and falling asleep in each other's arms. I wanted to hold evening dinners and breakfast mornings and afternoon lunches with Joel and her and I, and laugh and talk about the world.
God-
Every moment I couldn't declare myself to be with her was bone-breakingly agonizing. Heart-stopping, limb-rending, muscle-tearing agony. I would break every law in hell and earth and heaven to be with her. To feel her embrace. To watch her talk for hours, days, months, years. What deity kept inventing new ways to torture me? Breaking me physically was not enough? I had to suffer having the most precious thing in my life barring my father, so irresistibly close to me, and yet just barely out of grasp.
Where's Tess?
A random notion came flying into my train of thought and sent it careening, leaving me with that singular question in my head as its importance grew ever more significant to me. I hurried to ask Ellie, knowing she'd traveled with Joel for many years and likely met or heard about Tess during that time. Yet as the question left my mouth, I subconsciously registered the faint sound of whistling from above.
"Ellie... do you know... a woman... named Te-"
