The Chronicles of Sir William
Ch 2
Where There's a Witch, There's a Way
OPEN ON:
EXT. THE OWL HOUSE - EARLY MORNING
The sun has yet to rise over the Boiling Isles. All its inhabitants are still sound asleep. Eda is sprawled in her nest, clutching a ripped teddy bear. King is curled up atop his mountain of plush minions.
INT. LUZ'S ROOM
Luz snoozes away, tucked snugly in her sleeping bag. Then, a series of heavy footfalls encroach toward her from the darkness, a dark shadow looming over her.
Suddenly, a loud fanfare of trumpets erupts around the room.
LUZ
AAAAGGHH!
She leaps out of the sleeping bag, tripping and collapsing in a heap on the floor. She looks up to see a row of ethereal knights playing brass bugles. Their wake-up call concluded they dissolve into mist, leaving Sir William standing over the disheveled Luz.
WILLIAM
RISE AND SHINE, KNAVE! TRAINING BEGINS NOW!
INTRO SEQUENCE:
INT. UPSTAIRS BATHROOM
Luz hurriedly brushes her teeth and fixes her hair, having mixed results doing both simultaneously. She's startled by an impatient rapping on the door.
WILLIAM O.S
What's the hold-up?!
LUZ
(flustered)
You know, when I said I wanted to start training "bright and early", I kind of meant it as an expression.
William leans against the wall outside the door, idly tapping his sabatons.
WILLIAM
There's no place for lyricism in this dojo! You must earn the right to dictate the rules of engagement!
Now, do you want to be a witch, or not?!
LUZ
(gargling)
Yessh!
WILLIAM
I can't hear you!
Fed up, she spits into the sink and kicks open the bathroom door.
LUZ
(triumphant)
I WANT TO BE A WITCH!
BEGIN MONTAGE
EXT. FOREST - MORNING
Luz pants with exhaustion as she jogs beside Sir William to the beat of the adrenaline-pumping score.
LUZ
*groan* Why are we doing this? What does jogging have to do with being a witch?
WILLIAM
No excuses! A good witch is sound in mind and body! Now, I'd better see knees and elbows! Pick up the pace, knave!
INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Luz hurriedly scrawls a glyph on a piece of paper. She's almost done before William slaps down a fresh piece of paper over it, expectantly holding an empty hourglass in the other hand.
WILLIAM
Time's up! You'll need to be faster than that!
LUZ
I'm drawing as fast as I-!
WILLIAM
-Too slow!
(turning hourglass)
You're on the clock. Now, draw!
Luz frantically scribbles another rune.
EXT. TRAINING ARENA - DAY
They stand in a makeshift training arena, surrounded by practice dummies.
WILLIAM
Think fast!
He hurls a flurry of attacks in her direction. She tries to dodge wind shears, tidal waves, and hailstorms, only to end up in a heap on the ground, soaked and shivering.
WILLIAM (cont'd)
Think faster!
EXT. FOREST - DAY
Luz does push-ups with King curled up and asleep on her back. William oversees, adding to the difficulty by pressing down on her back with his sabatons.
EXT. FRONT LAWN - AFTERNOON
Luz watches as William draws a series of glyphs in the sand, all of them new to her.
WILLIAM
You already know Light, Ice, Fire, and Undergrowth. These are Water, Wind, Earth, and Lightning. Take a good look.
LUZ
Wow! Are there any mor-?
With a swipe of his sword, he erases them from the dirt with a tidal wave. He then tosses her a stick.
WILLIAM
Now, draw them by memory! Quickly, knave!
EXT. TRAINING ARENA - AFTERNOON
Luz stands at the ready, determined to face the gauntlet. William strikes her with a wave of ice. She shatters it with a fireball. He then sweeps at her with a rock wave. She hovers above it on a cushion of air. He sends a tidal wave gushing at her. She freezes it in its tracks.
WILLIAM
(impressed)
Good work!
LUZ
Aw, thank yo-
Just when her guard is down, he trips her up with a thorny vine.
WILLIAM
Never said we were finished!
EXT. FOREST - DUSK
Luz does pull-ups on a branch with King hanging on her legs. As William watches the runes on his armor glow and he punches the tree with giant strength. She's almost shaken off her branch by the tremor but manages to hold on.
INT. LUZ'S ROOM - EARLY MORNING
The next day, William barges into Luz's room only to find her sleeping bag empty. He's startled when Luz sneaks up behind him with a bugle and trumpets in his ear.
EXT. FOREST - MORNING
Luz jogs beside William, this time keeping a better pace.
EXT. TRAINING ARENA - DAY
Luz deftly counters all of William's attacks.
WILLIAM
Good! Now, don't just react to what I'm doing. Counter! Riposte!
Luz complies, launching attacks at him in kind.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Before William sets down the hourglass, Luz has finished a whole set of glyphs, fanning them out for him to see.
EXT. TRAINING ARENA - AFTERNOON
WILLIAM
Alright, let's up the ante.
William hands Luz his sword. She finds it surprisingly light in her hands.
LUZ
Hey! I can actually lift it!
WILLIAM
Kiss those "weak nerd arms" goodbye!
She kisses both her biceps before leveling the sword at a fleet of training dummies. At William's signal, she launches a wave of blue flame, leveling the army of burlap and twig in a single swipe.
INT. LUZ'S ROOM - EARLY MORNING
The next morning, William opens the door to see Luz already standing at attention. She salutes him with a determined gleam in her eye.
EXT. FRONT LAWN - MORNING
Silhouetted against the rising sun, William, Luz, and King do Tai Chi poses in unison (parody of The Karate Kid).
EXT. TRAINING ARENA - DAY
Luz clears an obstacle course, surmounting the climbing wall, crawling a mud field filled with barbed wire, and hot-stepping through a row of tires, all under the hail-fire of William's attacks.
EXT. FOREST - AFTERNOON
Luz and William come jogging out of the forest. Luz speeds ahead and ascends the Owl House's front steps, leaping with triumph on reaching the top (parody of the scene from Rocky).
END MONTAGE
INT. LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON
Eda scratches her head at all the glyphs piled on her coffee table when William and Luz burst through the front door.
Luz is drenched in sweat and panting heavily. Sir William looks weary himself.
LUZ
Whew! That was rough!
WILLIAM
You should've seen the witch who trained me. Good hustle out there, knave!
(winking)
I mean, page. See you in the morning.
William paces back to the basement while Luz collapses on the couch, wiping sweat from her brow.
LUZ
Oh, hey Eda!
EDA
Try not to stain the upholstery there. So, this is what you've been up to all day?
LUZ
(excited)
The past three days. I've already made page. Sir William says with a few more weeks of training I might become a squire!
EDA
I thought you wanted to be a witch?
LUZ
(shrugging)
So, I'm multi-classing-ow!
She winces in pain, having pulled a sore muscle.
EDA
Whoa, slow down there. Looks like he's got you run ragged!
LUZ
"A good witch must be sound in mind and body!" Owww...
EDA
Well, here's a proverb for you, little fortune cookie. "Work hard, play hard"!
Eda hops down next to Luz and switches on the crystal ball.
EDA (cont'd)
Come, on. They're airing re-runs of Dragonclaw Z. Hooty! Can you make us some popcorn?
HOOTY
On it!
Hooty snakes into the living room and barfs up some popcorn into a bowl.
LUZ
Well, alright. I guess a few minutes of TV couldn't hurt.
SMASH CUT:
MORNING
Eda, Luz, King, and Hooty are all sprawled out on the sofa, snoring away. The room is strewn with empty hex-mix bags and stray popcorn.
Sir William marches onto the scene, folding his arms with disapproval.
WILLIAM
Wake up!
They all jolt awake, groggy and misty-eyed. Luz has the worst of it, barely able to articulate her legs.
LUZ
(weakly)
Can't...move...too...sore...
WILLIAM
That's because you stopped too quickly. What did I say about cool-down exercises?
LUZ
Oh...I didn't know those were, like...mandatory...blegh...
She continues to dissociate. Rolling his eyes, he hoists Luz to her feet like she were a dead fish.
WILLIAM
(to Eda)
Mind explaining this?!
EDA
What's the matter? Never seen someone have a good time before?
WILLIAM
You've destroyed three days of progress in one night!
Luz slips from his grasp and congeals on the floor.
WILLIAM (cont'd)
(pinching his brow)
I thought you were supposed to be her mentor. How is it that I'm doing all the work for you?!
EDA
Hey! Nobody asked you to swoop in and take my job out from under me!
WILLIAM
She asked me!
At the sound of raised voices, Luz peels her eyeballs open and tries to crawl onto the sofa to intervene.
LUZ
(weak)
Guys...don't...fight...bleeegh...
WILLIAM
She practically woke me from the dead. Now I see why she was so eager. Is there anything you've taught her besides how to slack off?!
Luz finally gives up, face-planting on the coffee table.
CUT TO:
INT. LUZ'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Eda carries Luz into her room and tucks her into her sleeping bag with a kiss on the forehead. She gently closes the door behind her, now turning her attention to Sir William.
EDA
Just what is wrong with you?
WILLIAM
Wrong with me?!
They continue bickering as they walk into the kitchen.
EDA
What is it with you and all this gung-ho training?! You've got her wound tighter than Hooty doing yoga.
WILLIAM
Oh, forgive me. Are we not living under the yoke of a tyrant usurper-king? She must prepare for her next confrontation with Belos.
EDA
She's just a kid! And if she does face him again, she won't be alone.
WILLIAM
We have no way of knowing that! She has to be ready for anything. She needs discipline!
EDA
Who are you to say what she needs?
(posh)
Hast thou forgot who dons the pantaloons in this household?!
WILLIAM
Pray, is that a challenge?!
EDA
You bet, bub!
She strikes a battle-ready pose, drawing a spell circle in the air.
EDA (cont'd)
Have at thee! I-
The circle instantly fizzles, leaving them in awkward silence.
EDA (cont'd)
Alright, so I'm off my game.
WILLIAM
Pity. I'd have liked to see what passes for your "game"
EDA
(scheming)
Hmm. That gives me an idea. Maybe there's another way to settle this.
WILLIAM
Oh?
EDA
You ever play Hexes-Hold'em?
WILLIAM
Never heard of it. Do low-life cads still play Knucklebones these days?
EDA
An oldie-but-goodie! What'dya say if I win, you forget about this training nonsense and let me teach Luz my way?
(mindful)
Though, to be clear, she still gets the final say.
WILLIAM
Of course. And if I win?
EDA
Well, sheesh. I dunno. I'll...buff your armor or...something.
WILLIAM
My sabatons are looking dingy. Very well, we have an accord. Let's play!
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Sir William shakes a wooden cup and then dumps out a pile of phalangeal bones carved into dice. He tallies up the result, cursing under his breath.
WILLIAM
Drat! A bust!
The bones levitate into the air, forming a skeletal fist that punches him in the face and knocks him over. Eda almost falls over laughing.
EDA
Hey, you chose the game!
They're interrupted by a knock at the door. Eda rises to answer, revealing Guz, Willow, and Amity waiting at the doorstep.
WILLOW
Hey, Eda! Is Luz home?
(concerned)
We just wanted to know if everything's alright. She's been missing a lot of school lately.
GUS
Principal Bump wanted us to swing by and drop off her homework.
AMITY
(worried)
Is she sick with the common mold again? Is she hurt? Is there anything we can do to ease her suffering?!
EDA
Relax! She's fine! Just asleep. *sigh* Come on in.
Eda paces back to the coffee table and scoops up the dice, preparing the next round.
EDA (cont'd)
You hear that, Prince Charming? She's missing school because of you. Another reason to ditch this training thing.
She throws another round of dice and winces as she counts the tally, but smiles to see she won.
WILLIAM
Oh, tish-tosh! What could she learn at one of Belos' schools that I couldn't teach her myself?
William throws his hand, relieved to see a positive result.
WILLIAM (cont'd)
(cordial)
So, you're Luz's entourage? It's a pleasure to meet you.
(grinning)
And a pleasure to beat you.
He grins at Eda as she finishes counting her turn.
EDA
Aw, farts!
The skeletal hand throws her a haymaker, knocking her prone.
GUS
Uh, what's going on?
Eda sits back up, reattaching her golden fang.
EDA
(grumbling)
I just lost a bet. Sorry kids, but Luz may be out of the picture for a while...
AMITY
What? Why? For how long?
WILLOW
She promised she'd try out for our flyer-derby team!
EDA
Ask her new drill sergeant, Sir Smells-a-lot-Oops, I mean, Sir William.
William rises to his feet, nonplussed by the insult.
WILLIAM
Well, as her friends I'm sure it will please you all to know that I am forging Luz into a magical warrior of great renown. Her like will not have been seen in the human world since Azura, the Mighty!
Amity sniggers a bit.
WILLIAM (cont'd)
In a few months' time, she'll be unassailable!
The trio of young witches is dumbfounded.
AMITY
WHAT?!
WILLOW
"Months"?
GUS
That's crazy!
WILLIAM
Perfection takes time. Do you object to her edification?
AMITY
We object to you just snatching her out of our lives!
GUS
Yeah! If she's going to be wiped out like this all the time, we'll never get to see her!
AMITY
(fuming)
This is absurd!
WILLIAM
It's already been decided. Her master, Edalyne, challenged me to a wager on the matter-which I have handily won.
(to Eda)
By the way, my pauldrons could use some extra detailing.
EDA
(grumbling)
Yeah, yeah...
Eda stomps off to the kitchen to get the silver polish when Amity, going for broke, steps forward.
AMITY
Wait...! Uh...
(pondering)
We challenge you too!
WILLIAM
Pardon?
AMITY
You heard me. We'll each play you. Best out of four gets the pleasure of Luz's free time.
WILLIAM
(groaning)
Fine. What's the game?
GUS
Ooh! Me first! I challenge you to-
SMASH CUT:
VIDEO GAME
MORTAL GROMBAT!
William and Gus sit in front of the crystal ball, furiously clicking their game controllers. The others spectate, cheering on Gus.
WILLIAM
So, instead of matching blades ourselves, we fight by proxy through these tiny spirit warriors?
GUS
Yup
WILLIAM
And we enslave them to our will with these tiny magic knitting needles?
GUS
Yeah, isn't it great?!
WILLIAM
It's preposterous! Like trying to crochet a sweater in handcuffs!
Gus' character mercilessly trounces Williams', which flails about on the screen like a trout.
VIDEO GAME
Fatality!
GUS
Woohoo!
William curses as Gus and his friends cheer.
VIDEO GAME
Round Two! Fight!
WILLIAM
How is this in any way entertaining? This looks nothing like real combat! Their form is all wrong!
That's not to mention the swords are twice the size of their wielders! Ridiculous!
GUS
Sounds like someone's a sore loser!
VIDEO GAME
Finish him!
Gus makes his opponent's character explode in a shower of gibs.
VIDEO GAME (cont'd)
Flawless victory!
GUS
Booyah!
Gus hops up and does a victory lap around the sofa, his friends all whooping with excitement. Grumbling, William crumples his controller in his hands and rises to his feet.
WILLIAM
Well fought, Gustav. But can the next event be something a little more...physical?
WILLOW
(determined scowl)
Oh, don't worry. I've got just the thing in mind...
CUT TO:
EXT. TRAINING ARENA - DAY
Willow dons green war paint and ties a handkerchief to the end of her staff.
WILLOW
Flyer-Derby! Sudden death. Whoever captures their opponent's flag and ties it to their goal-post first-
She points to her goalpost, the flagpole in the center of the arena, and William's, a lone pine tree at the edge of the clearing.
WILLOW (cont'd)
-wins the match.
AMITY
(sarcastic)
But, oh no! It looks like you don't have a staff, Sir William! Aww, looks like you'll have to forfeit.
WILLIAM
Don't be so certain.
William holds his long sword aloft, a blue flag tied to the pommel. Its glyphs glow bright and it hovers in mid-air. William then hops onto the blade and cruises through the air on it like a surfboard.
GUS
You had to jinx it...
William hovers at Willow's level, poised and ready. Gus stands below them, creating an illusory starting banner in mid-air.
GUS (cont'd)
Go!
The aviators square off, somersaulting and looping across the sky. They frantically chase each other around the Owl House's tower.
Willow conjures vines from the planter boxes to steal William's flag. In a quick motion, he leaps off his sword and slices through them in mid-air, thrusting the blade back under his feet before he can fall.
William retaliates by summoning a dust devil over the tower which sends willow into a flat spin. Dazed, but undeterred, she resumes her assault. This back-and-forth continues until Willow is finally able to seize William's flag while he's distracted by a cloud of mushroom spores.
Before she can hang the flag on top of the pole, William conjures a bubble of blue energy around it, causing her to bounce off. While she's stunned, William crates another smaller bubble around the base of her staff. The flag then gets caught in the bubble, which William then retrieves.
Realizing his ploy, Willow speeds after him. But it's too late. William successfully ties her flag at the peak of the pine tree, bringing the game to a close.
WILLOW
(chuffed)
Darn. And at my own game too!
Willow lands, greeted by Amity and Gus' condolences.
AMITY
You tried your best.
GUS
It's not over yet. It's two losses to one. You just have to win, Amity, and we'll be in a tie.
WILLOW
(hopeful)
Which Luz will break for us. Because come on. It's not like she'd agree to leave Hexside for so long...right?
AMITY
I don't know. She's always dreamed of being a great hero like Azura...
She watches William as he celebrates his victory with some spectacular aerial acrobatics.
AMITY (cont'd)
He could be her chance to make it come true.
Uncertainty wells up within her, along with a hint of dread.
AMITY (cont'd)
(determined)
I know what'll break him.
William cruises to the ground in high spirits.
WILLIAM
Ha-ha! Sure they don't call you "weeping willow"? They might after today.
Willow blushes and frowns.
WILLIAM (cont'd)
Just rattling your cage.
(extending his hand)
Well flown, Miss Park. Now that was a challenge!
AMITY
Just wait until my challenge, "Sir" William!
WILLIAM
Oh ho! Spirited, aren't we? I'm ready!
SMASH CUT:
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
William is sprawled out on the floor in front of the flickering crystal ball. His eyes look nearly as glazed as Luz's were before. Amity sits beside him with a smug little smile.
AMITY
Alright. Hour three of our My Little Witch Academia marathon. How are we holding up?
WILLIAM
(weakly)
The dialogue is...atrocious...How is this Luz's favorite...anything?!
AMITY
Giving up already? We haven't even gotten to the love triangle yet.
WILLIAM
The what?!
Willow and Gus giggle at the sight of his blood-shot eyes and five-o-clock shadow.
WILLIAM (cont'd)
And the characters...They look like bug-eyed little goblins...
He makes a throttling motion with his fists.
WILLIAM (cont'd)
(crazed)
I can't explain it...but I want to murder them all!
AMITY
(temptingly)
If you give up now you won't have to sit through the sports subplot.
William's eyes narrow and he finally lets out an exhausted sigh.
WILLIAM
A knight knows when he's had enough. I yield.
Luz's friends all cheer and celebrate.
WILLIAM (cont'd)
The battle may be yours, but not the war. Luz has yet to weigh in on this.
AMITY
(acerbic)
Yeah, right! Why would she run herself bow-legged with you when she could spend time with us?!
GUS
Come on. Didn't you ever have friends as a kid?
WILLIAM
Of course, I had friends. I was the crown prince of Ossigard. I had a court full of friends!
WILLOW
Friends your own age? Who you could just hang out and have fun with?
WILLIAM
(stammering)
Well, I...you see that's-you clearly don't...
(groaning)
Winning is fun! Being the best is fun! Luz wants to be a hero? This is how heroes are made. Hard work. Adversity. If this is how she spends her days with you, I don't see how she'll manage it.
William indignantly rises to his feet, but then quickly bends over in agony.
WILLIAM (cont'd)
Aggh! Blast it all!
WILLOW
What's wrong?
WILLIAM
(wincing)
I've been supine for too long after that flyer derby. I forgot my cool-down routine!
Just then Eda paces into the room with a sadistic grin.
EDA
Are those the throes of defeat I hear?
WILLIAM
Harridan! This was your plan all along, wasn't it? Distracting me with these foolish diversions until I'd gone soft!
Eda's smile fades and she sighs, looking weary.
EDA
Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute?
She drags William along behind her. He winces with every sore step.
EDA (cont'd)
(candid)
Listen. Maybe I should've just leveled with you before. You know Luz came here from the human world, right?
WILLIAM
(sarcastic)
I gathered that. Her being human and all.
EDA
She came here through a portal that she later had to destroy to keep it out of Belos' slimy hands.
(uncertain)
We've been trying to build her a new one so she can get home to her mother...but things aren't looking good.
William softens his glare. Behind them, Luz descends the stairs into the living room. Her friends all leap on her, smothering her with their affection. Eda looks on the scene wistfully.
EDA (cont'd)
She may have given up one life to learn magic already. Please...Don't make her give up another.
She paces out of the kitchen, leaving Sir William to his thoughts. He then marches out into the living room.
LUZ
Whoa, guys! You'd think I was asleep for fifty years! What's going on?!
They see William approaching and fix him with an expectant stare.
WILLIAM
(Casual)
Oh, umm, nothing much. I was just about to challenge Gus to a rematch in Mortal Grombat. Wanted to know if you're up for playing the winner.
LUZ
Heck yeah! Let's go!
Luz's friends all look relieved. They huddle around the crystal ball as William and Gus prepare to square off. The rest of the night is filled with their cheers and laughter.
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
William readies for bed, brushing his teeth in a pair of Eda's old pajama pants (speckled with wizard hat designs). He hears a gentle rap on the lintel and turns to see Luz lingering in the doorway.
LUZ
Hey there. I just wanted to say thanks...
William pauses, looking confused...and rabid from the toothpaste foam.
LUZ (cont'd)
I've had a lot of fun training with you, but I don't know if I could cut it as a knight.
He washes the foam into the sink and sighs.
WILLIAM
No, you certainly could. I'm sorry I worked you so hard. I just wanted to help you fulfill your aspirations.
(somber)
Any meaning mine once had is long gone...
LUZ
You have helped me. I've made so much progress thanks to you! I just don't think I could do it full-time.
But don't worry. I'll still do morning PT with you.
She leans over and gives him a peck on the cheek before departing.
LUZ (cont'd)
See you bright and early, Maestro!
WILLIAM
-Luz...
She pauses.
WILLIAM (cont'd)
You will see your mother again...I promise you.
She nods, giving a hopeful smile before leaving. Sir William turns and looks longingly out the window.
FADE OUT
