The Chronicles of Sir William

Ch 14

Bonesborough's Got Talent!

OPEN ON:

EXT. DOWNTOWN BONESBOROUGH - MORNING

Luz and Camilla are escorted down the street by a pair of constables. Camilla marvels at the wondrous sights and flinches at the macabre creatures passing them on the street.

LUZ

Wow. Bonesborough looks great! I've never seen the streets so...clean!

CAMILLA

This is..."clean"...

The city guards, now dressed in less intimidating uniforms, diligently sweep the alleys and patrol the streets. Soon they arrive at a venerable building with the words EMBASSY TO THE HUMAN REALM inscribed above the entrance.

CONSTABLE

Here we are, my lady. The Human Realm Embassy.

LUZ

Thanks.

They ascend the front steps, confused as the guards try to follow them.

LUZ

Uhm...It's alright, guys. We've got it from here.

CONSTABLE

The Lord Regent has requested you be under security escort at all times.

LUZ

(vexed)

Oh, boy...

GUS

Luz!

Gus emerges from the embassy, quickly descending the steps.

LUZ

Gus! Or, should I say, Ambassador?

GUS

(downcast)

Yeah, some job I've been doing. I didn't even know you were missing until Mr. Wayde contacted me!

LUZ

(hugging him)

Hey don't get glum on me, chum! I'm back safe, that's all that matters.

MR. WAYDE

That, and ensuring you stay safe.

Mr. Wayde descends the front steps to join them.

LUZ

Mr. Wayde. You seem to have made it here alright.

MR. WAYDE

I was not the Observer's intended target. Until we learn how she is influencing the inter-dimensional doorway, I advise you both find long-term accommodations in Bonesborough.

GUS

I'm sure the Embassy could put you up in a hotel.

(winking)

First class digs.

LUZ

(pondering)

Thanks, but I think I already know someone we can shack up with.

INTRO SEQUENCE:

FADE IN:

EXT. BONESBOROUGH MARKET PLACE

Raine Whispers and his fellow bards stand atop a makeshift bandstand of wooden crates, playing a rousing marching song for the crowds. Eda stands below them, conducting them with a novelty plastic glitter-wand.

Raine's forehead drips with sweat, dwelling on each passerby's curious stare.

EDA

Go on! You're doing great!

Eda then faces the crowds, whipping out a megaphone and a picket sign with an unflattering caricature of Sir William.

EDA

Alright now, from the top!

(singing)

HE RODE IN ON A HORSE SO HIGH HE COULDN'T SEE THE COBBLES/ HIS ARMOR SHINING OH SO BRIGHT THE GLINT MADE PIGEONS BOBBLE/ FROM LEFT TO RIGHT HE STRUTS THE STREET WITH A CONDEMNING SCOWL/ ALL HAUGHTY, PRIM-AND-PROPER AND HOLIER-THAN-THOU/

She marches in place and pumps her sign like a baton, obnoxiously blaring her song into the ears of the disinterested bystanders.

EDA

DOWN WITH SIR SMELLS-A-LOT, A POMPOUS, SURLY PRUDE!/DOWN WITH SIR SMELLS-A-LOT, NASTY, MEAN, AND RUDE!/ NOT A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR, NO! A WOLF IN SHEEP'S WARDROBE/ DARN THAT MEAN SIR SMELLS-A-LOT, THAT MOLDY, SLIMY TOAD!

Alright, Rainestorm! Next verse! Take it away!

Raine tries to open his mouth to sing, but his voice is hoarse with terror. He can only tremble, paralyzed by the glares of the harried crowd-goers and approaching constables.

WILLIAM

Yes, Whispers! Take it far-far away!

EDA

(blaring through her megaphone)

Dream on, tin-man!

He swipes away the megaphone and crumples it in his hands.

WILLIAM

Disperse at once! You're disturbing the peace.

EDA

You haven't seen "disturbing the peace"!

WILLIAM

You're not a criminal anymore, Edalyne...

(grave)

...but if you keep acting like one...

EDA

(defiant)

You'll do what?

They stare each other down, the tension rising.

LUZ

(awkward)

Whoa...! Are we interrupting something?

EDA & WILLIAM

(in unison)

Luz!

William clasps Luz's hands with affection.

WILLIAM

I'm relieved you're alright. Both of you.

EDA

Yeah, no thanks to you! Too busy buffing your armor?

WILLIAM

I'm sure you were equally preoccupied with your rabble-rousing.

LUZ

Guys, guys! Simmer down! I'm glad to see both of you.

She pulls them into a group hug, which they barely tolerate for her sake. Eda then breaks away, dragging Luz away by her shoulders.

EDA

(waving William away)

Well, if you'll excuse us, the "Bad Girl Coven" has much to discuss, and you're no longer a member-if that wasn't obvious...

William fumes a bit, but turns to leave.

WILLIAM

Fine. We'll catch up later, Luz. Don't let these malcontents give you the wrong idea.

SERGEANT

You lot! I want this all out of here within the hour!

The bards begrudgingly begin packing up their bandstand as William marches away with his guards.

LUZ

So what was that all about?

EDA

Oh, don't get me started. Prince Not-so-Charming's on a power-trip.

(counting off on her fingers)

He's exterminated the garbage slugs, shut down the night-markets, and embargoed human artifacts. My stand's been dry for weeks!

Eda gestures over to her Human Collectibles stand, almost barren and littered with cobwebs and tumbleweed.

EDA

How's a low-life supposed to make a living anymore?

LUZ

(awkward)

Oh, you're uh...still selling human junk-I mean, collectibles!

EDA

It's an honest trade-well a harmless one at least. But just wait, I haven't even gotten to the bad part. It started a few months back...

INT. BONESBOROUGH COUNCIL CHAMBERS - DAY

Lord Regent William confers with a new council of Head Witches. Only Mason and Hettie Cutburn remain from Belos' regime. The other Covens are helmed by Alador Blight (Abomination), Domovoi (Oracle), The Keeper of the Looking Glass Ruins (Illusions), a folksy farmer witch (Plants), a demon in a cowboy outfit (Beasts), and a haggard potioneer wearing a funnel on his head (Potions).

WILLIAM

...The motion carries. For the protection of the Boiling Isles, The Emperor's Coven will be reorganized into the Coven of War. Step forward, Councilor Tarak.

Elder Tarak approaches William and kneels, allowing him to tap his shoulders with the flat of a sword.

WILLIAM

I hereby appoint you this Coven's Head-Witch. Do you accept this post?

ELDER TARAK

I do, my liege.

King watches from the wings, his tail wagging proudly for his mentor.

HETTIE CUTBURN

"Coven of War"? Sounds a bit aggressive doesn't it?

WILLIAM

A "Coven of Defense" never defended anything, Councilor. We must be prepared for trouble, especially with The Observer at large-

Just then, Raine Whispers bursts into the room, trailing papers from his ledger.

RAINE

(flustered)

Sorry I'm late! I didn't get the memo with our new meeting times...

His unkempt hair, disheveled outfit, and baggy eyes suggest that oversleeping might have also played a role.

WILLIAM

(annoyed)

Glad you could join us, Councillor Whispers...

Raine fumbles to get his desk in order, smiling innocently.

WILLIAM

Where was I? Oh, yes...Unfortunately, this changing of the guard will stretch our resources a bit thin. We may have to start "trimming the fat"...

He fixes a stern glare on Raine.

RAINE

(dreading)

Oh, no. You're not cutting our budget again, are you?

WILLIAM

Actually, I was thinking of abolishing the Bard Coven altogether.

RAINE

WHAT?!

The other Head Witches look similarly surprised and the room erupts with doubtful murmuring.

RAINE

You can't be serious! After all we've been through together, you're still gunning for the Bards?!

WILLIAM

(diplomatic)

It isn't personal this time, Whispers. You and your cohorts proved your valor, but we now have a dedicated Coven to do our fighting for us.

I simply can't think of a role that the Bards fulfill for our society that other Covens cannot.

KEEPER

But without the the Bards, who will bring joy to the people with mellifluous melodies?

WILLIAM

The Illusions Coven can expand on the role that music already plays in entertainment.

KEEPER

Well I-I suppose that's true.

ELDER TARAK

Their ballads can still aid us in battle, bolstering our warriors' strength.

WILLIAM

Which the Potion Coven's elixirs can do just as well.

ELDER TARAK

Hmm...

WILLIAM

It seems to me, Councilors, that Bard magic differs only in form, not in function. The novelty of being cast with music does not justify their draw on our treasury. Therefore, we should do away with them. All in favor?

The Head Witches deliberate some more. Tarak, Domovoi, Mason, the Potion Witch and Beast Demon raise their hands.

WILLIAM

All opposed?

Hettie, Alador, the Keeper, and the Plant Witch all raise their hands. Raine also raises his hand in a nervous sweat.

WILLIAM

Then it seems we have a tie. As Head of this Council it falls to me to break it. I hereby declare the motion...

Raine winces in anticipation of the verdict when the Keeper suddenly pipes up.

KEEPER

-Erherm. Begging your pardon, Lord Regent. But our charter clearly states-er, where is that darn thing...?

The Keeper fishes a parchment scroll and a pair of half-moon spectacles from his satchel.

KEEPER

Oh, yes. That "council deadlock must be resolved by a popular vote." That's the one!

WILLIAM

(annoyed)

*sigh* You and your blasted "democracy". And how do you propose we tally this vote?

KEEPER

I say we put on a show-a talent show! Each Coven will put on an act to entertain the public.

If you're right, Lord Regent, the other Covens will easily outshine the Bards.

If you're wrong, and the Bards win the most votes, we can fund them through the next quarter with the ticket sales.

The other Head Witches nod and murmur with assent, seeming to like the idea...all except for a mortified Raine.

KEEPER

All in favor?

Most of the councilors raise their hand. Lord William pauses to consider, but then notices Raine's disquiet. William suddenly appears cartoonized, with a jagged, villainous cape billowing behind him.

WILLIAM

(scheming)

Hmm...I approve! Break a leg, Raine Whispers. And perhaps your neck while you're at it, too! MUAHHHAAAHAA-!

Lightning strikes and bats flutter around the chamber.

LUZ (V.O.)

(chiding)

Come on, Eda! He didn't say that last part!

EDA (V.O.)

He might as well have!

END FLASHBACK:

EXT. BONESBOROUGH MARKET PLACE

Eda is seated next to Raine, rubbing his shoulders to calm his nerves.

EDA

Poor Rainestorm's been a nervous wreck ever since. We've been out here trying to cure their stage-fright, but the show is two days away and we've barely worked them up to a midday crowd.

RAINE

(playing it cool)

What? No. I-I'm fine. I'm fine, really!

(false confidence)

I'm going to slay that competition!

LUZ

Aw, I'm so sorry, Raine. I know Will can be stubborn, but maybe I can talk him out of this.

(showing her I.D badge)

As the new ambassador, it's kinda part of my job.

RAINE

(overjoyed)

Would you?! Oh, that would be-!

EDA

Nuh-uh-uh! No! You're fighting this! You hear me? Now go home and keep practicing!

Raine sighs heavily. His hopes of escape dashed, he trudges off home with the bards.

EDA

And don't stop until the guards get noise complaints from the neighbors!

Camilla clasps Luz on the shoulder, indicating they should leave.

CAMILLA

Well, it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. Let us know if there's anything we can do to help.

EDA

Whoa-whoa-whoa, hold it! Alright, that's enough bellyaching from me. You two look like you could use some digs. Am I right?

CAMILLA

Oh, we wouldn't want to impose.

EDA

Nonsense! My home is your home!

SMASH CUT TO:

EXT. THE OWL HOUSE - DAY

The Owl House has seen better days. The lawn is overgrown with weeds and thorns. The living room is buried in junk, dust and cobwebs.

CAMILLA

(awkward)

So...this is the Owl House?

(whispering to Luz)

Is that hotel still on the table...?

EDA

Hotel, schmotel! Watch this!

Eda thumps on the doorframe, causing the house to shudder and send a pulse of gold energy through the mural carved in the ceiling. At last, Camilla seems a bit more impressed.

EDA

Razzle dazzle!

INT. LIVING ROOM

Luz and Camilla are seated on the couch. Eda pours them each some drinks before returning to her cleaning.

EDA

Sorry about the mess. Wasn't expecting company today.

CAMILLA

(chuckling)

Oh, Edalyne! You haven't changed.

EDA

Back atcha, "Camilla the Hun". Just kick back with some apple-blood while I make the place presentable. It might be awhile though. The dust-bunnies have been ornery.

As she speaks, she spots a demonic rabbit covered in lint and dust lurking in a corner. It hisses as Eda chases it into the kitchen.

CAMILLA

(teasing)

So, "The Bad Girl Coven", eh?

LUZ

(embarrassed)

Yeah, we got up to some wacky stuff.

CAMILLA

No, I like it.

They hear loud crashing and demonic screeching coming from the kitchen.

LUZ

Excuse me one moment. Eda, let me help you with those!

She sets down her drink and runs into the kitchen with her staff.

EDA (O.S.)

Thanks, kiddo! Hya! Hi-ya!

INT. HALLWAYS - LATER

Eda and Luz settle into some more mundane house-cleaning, dusting the cob-webs off the crown molding.

LUZ

So, where is everybody? I can't imagine Hooty would let the place go like this.

EDA

Oh, he's nerding out with Lilith on some archaeological dig. King spends most of the time training with his tribe...Raine drops by from time to time.

(sullen)

Other than that, the nest is pretty empty most days.

While dusting the floorboards, Luz stumbles on a hall closet filled with roughly carved wooden figures. There's a label taped on the inside of the door that says "reject pile".

LUZ

I'm surprised you're still selling human junk when you could be carving palisman. You helped me with this little guy, after all.

Manuel croons in agreement, perched on Luz's shoulder.

EDA

Pfft, you sound like my mom. Besides, I've already got a calling. Sticking it to pigs like Belos...or "Lord" William.

LUZ

I'm sure he's just doing what he thinks is right.

EDA

(chuckling)

You're sticking up for "The Man" now? You've changed.

LUZ

(sassy)

I like to think I've grown up a little.

EDA

Yeah well, carving palisman for a living takes more skill than I've got anyway.

(diffident)

I...I don't measure up...

LUZ

(encouraging)

Well, I'm sure with more practice-

EDA

(evasive)

-I don't wanna talk about it...

Eda shuffles along the hallway without another word. At first confused, Luz then spots an end table further down the hall. It bears a framed photo of Dell Clawthorne, surrounded by flowers, candles, mementos, and an invitation letter to a wake.

CUT TO:

EXT. BONESBOROUGH CONVENTION CENTER - MORNING

A sign is posted outside the convention building saying QUALIFIERS TODAY.

A panel of judges sit in front of a stage as the various covens submit their acts for approval. Eda and Raine prepare to go onstage while Luz, Camilla, and King spectate from the bleachers.

EDA

Alright, now just like we practiced! You'll do great!

Raine still doesn't look reassured.

RAINE

Yeah. Yeah. I'll do great...In front of the harshest critics in Bonesborough...!

(panicking)

Yeah, I'll be fiiine!

PINIET

Next act on in five!

Thinking quickly, Eda tears a strip of cloth from one of the curtains and ties it over Raine's eyes as a blindfold.

RAINE

Eda, what are you doing?

EDA

Don't focus on the audience, just on the sound of your own voice.

RAINE

(feigning bravado)

Heh. My favorite sound...

EDA

That's the spirit!

PINIET

Now for our next act, The Bard Coven, performing: Black Velvet Band.

Eda and the bards lead Raine out on stage and begin playing a gentle serenade. After letting out a harried sigh, Raine begins to sing:

RAINE

I TOOK A STROLL DOWN BROADWAY/ MEANING NOT LONG FOR TO STAY/ WHEN WHOM SHOULD I MEET BUT THIS PRETTY FAIR MAID/ COME A TRAIPSING ALONG THE HIGHWAY/

As they perform, a magical aura is emitted by their instruments, coalescing into silhouettes of Raine and Eda enacting the events of the song.

RAINE

SHE WAS BOTH FAIR AND HANDSOME/ HER NECK IT WAS JUST LIKE A SWAN'S/ AND HER HAIR HUNG OVER HER SHOULDER/ TIED UP WITH A BLACK VELVET BAND/

Eda smiles as she plays her lute, her hair just so happening to be tied up in a pony-tail with a black velvet band.

RAINE

HER EYES, THEY SHONE LIKE DIAMONDS/ I THOUGHT HER THE QUEEN OF THE LAND/ AND HER HAIR HUNG OVER HER SHOULDER/ TIED UP WITH A BLACK VELVET BAND/

Raine concludes the song to the sound of the judges applauding and the test audience cheering. Raine removes the blindfold, smiling and amazed that he managed to work through his nerves.

PINIET

Act approved! We look forward to seeing your full performance, Councilor Raine!

Their friends swarm the stage to congratulate the bards.

PINIET

Next act goes on in five! Clear the stage, please!

The bards are unceremoniously shooed away by the stage crew.

The stage is then taken over by a squad of abominations that erect an elaborate set of lights and girders with lightning speed and efficiency. The bards shrink under the intimidating display of coordination (and funding).

PINIET

Up next, the Abomination Coven with their act: "Cirque du Purée"

The curtain parts dramatically as two ornately clad Abomatons march onstage, controlled by Alador Blight. They telescope their legs until they reach the rafters and extend their arms into an elaborate trapeze set.

Ederic and Emira appear at opposite ends of the stage, donning glittering leotards. They perform a spectacular series of leaps and midair twirls, swinging with tendrils of abomination slime.

Luz gasps as Amity appears next, descending from the girders on a billowing tassel of sludge. She performs an aerial dance, winding and unwinding from the ribbon in an intricate display. Luz is transfixed by her beauty and grace.

The Blights then conclude their act by all diving simultaneously into a bubbling cauldron of abomination sludge. The cauldron tips over, decanting the three performers who roll out and strike an elegant pose.

The judges and audience all applaud even louder than they did before.

PINIET

(impressed)

Act approved! But, uh-can we get a clean-up detail in here?

Raine balks at the display, gulping loudly.

EDA

Hey. At least your act doesn't need to be cleaned up off the floor.

RAINE

(nauseous)

Something's gonna be cleaned off the floor...*hurk*...

Meanwhile, Luz rushes down to the stage as the performers towel off.

LUZ

Amity! You were amazing out there!

AMITY

(surprised)

Luz!

Luz leaps into a hug. Both blush heavily, but Amity seems to wince slightly.

AMITY

I just heard you were back this morning. I hoped you'd catch our show.

LUZ

I'm glad I did! I didn't think you liked performing.

AMITY

Well, this time it's less for the Company and more for the Coven. I'm proud to be a part of it!

LUZ

You should be proud!

(sassy)

Gurl, you were lit!

GAVIN

Ditto that! You've got the moves, babe!

Luz breaks from her hug to see Gavin, one of the Glandus students, dressed as the Blight's crew manager. He walks over and kisses Amity on the cheek.

AMITY

(awkward)

Luz, this is Gavin. He and I are dating.

Luz squirms a bit, but manages to hide her discomfort.

GAVIN

(oblivious)

Yeah, we bonded over our parental trauma. Her mommy issues. My daddy issues.

Misery loves company, right?

They all chuckle, some more forcibly than others.

LUZ

Well, I'm sure you'll do great tomorrow night.

EDA

(stern)

Yeah, but don't do too great, you hear?

LUZ

(embarrassed)

Eda!

Amity chuckles and gives Luz a warm smile.

AMITY

It's good to have you back, Luz.

Luz returns a lukewarm smile and retreats offstage trying to avert her gaze. Ederic and Emira watch her go with a mix of pity and second-hand embarrassment.

Camilla is waiting to receive her in a hug.

CAMILLA

Oh, I'm sorry, Mija. I know you liked that girl.

LUZ

(somber)

It's alright. I knew some things would change...some people would move on.

Meanwhile, Eda continues to console Raine's returning anxieties.

RAINE

Oh, man. How are we going to follow an act like that?!

EDA

Like what? A few twerps in tutus jumping around like lemmings?

RAINE

Come on, Eda. You know as well as I do an old song can't compete with acts like these! There's no way were going to win this!

(despairing)

Oh, what are we gonna do?

Eda looks heartbroken at Raine's dismay. She then furrows her brow with determination.

EDA

(scheming)

No. What am I going to do...?

CUT TO:

EXT. BONESBOROUGH THEATRE HOUSE - NIGHT

The auditorium is packed with throngs of people. Perry Porter walks out onto the stage and addresses the audience through his microphone.

PERRY PORTER

Good evening, Bonesborough! I'm your MC, Perry Porter. Are you ready for "Bonesborough's Got Talent"?!

A magical hologram spelled in neon lighting appears over the stage in an explosion of sparks. The crowd cheers wildly.

PERRY PORTER

For our first act, make some noise for the Construction Coven!

The crowd applauds as Mason walks out on stage.

MASON

Thank you, everybody! You know, we had a lot of ideas for what our act could be, but couldn't settle on one...

(beat)

So we decided to do them all!

The curtain lifts away, revealing a large number of Construction Coven witches performing various stunts. A few perform a log rolling act. One juggles a collection of demonic chainsaws. Another witch in a karate gi breaks apart a stack of concrete blocks with his face.

The holographic sign changes to the name of the act: ALL OF THE ABOVE. The crowd loves it. So does Lord William, sitting in the VIP box and applauding.

WILLIAM

Now that's entertainment!

LUZ

Hey, Will. Can we talk?

Luz and Camilla are admitted into the VIP box, taking their seats next to him.

WILLIAM

(wry)

I suppose you're here to reason with me?

LUZ

I just kinda hoped you had gotten over this whole beef with the bards.

WILLIAM

Well, forgive me for not resolving years of unfinished business in one denouement.

LUZ

*sigh* I know you're just trying to do your job, but...

(vulnerable)

When I came back I was hoping we could all be a family again...Seeing you fight with Eda and Raine-

WILLIAM

(contrite)

-is poor thanks after they fought by my side, I know.

But this pageant was the Council's idea. The bards are getting a fair shake if ever there was one.

*sigh* Let's just try to enjoy the show...

They continue watching in silence as the Healing Coven performs a Vaudevillian act onstage. The sign reads: LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE.

HEALING COVEN WITCH

What?! I only have twenty-four hours to live? That's awful, doctor! If that's the good news, what could possibly be worse?!

HETTIE CUTBURN

The bad news is, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!

The crowd chuckles and the tension in the VIP box seems to leaven.

INT. BACKSTAGE

The other covens prepare for their acts in partitions backstage. The bards practice in their partition while trying to give their leader a pep-talk.

AMBER

You'll do great out there, Boss!

KATYA

If you get nervous, just picture the audience as heads of cabbage.

(blushing)

It's...what I always do.

RAINE

(nauseous)

Ugh, cabbage makes me sick. Where's Eda?

DERWIN

She said she had to use bathroom.

Elsewhere, Eda is hard at work spreading mischief. She sneaks into the Abomination Coven's partition and sprinkles some tarantula hairs in the acrobats' chalk powder.

She then dips into the Illusion Coven's partition and pours a potion onto one of the performer's mirrors. The dancer looks into it, horrified to see a distorted image of herself as an ugly troll.

Next she sneaks into the Plant Coven's partition as they rehearse an orchestra with musical plants. Eda pours a potion vial into one of the pots when she is then discovered by one of the stage-hands.

EDA

(innocent)

Uh...Just looking for the little owl's room!

INT. VIP BOX

A guard enters the VIP box and addresses William.

GUARD

Lord Regent, Sir. You are needed backstage.

INT. BACKSTAGE

Luz follows William backstage where they see Eda being apprehended by security.

EDA

Hey, get your mitts off me!

GUARD

We caught this witch trying to sabotage the other covens' acts.

EDA

Pfft! What?! No, I didn't-

They turn to see Edric furiously scratching his leotard and the Illusion Coven dancer sobbing in a director's chair. The guard then holds up the potted plant, which emits a medley of goose honks, elk bugles, and goat screams instead of music.

PLANT WITCH

(weeping)

My baby!

The other performers gasp and murmur to each other. Raine looks shocked as well.

RAINE

Eda? I guess I should have known you'd pull something, but...

EDA

I did it for you, Raine! I couldn't let him get away with selling you out!

RAINE

(hurt)

So, I guess you were lying when you said I had a chance.

Eda looks pleadingly at Raine, but he simply marches away.

GUARD

What should we do with her, Lord Regent?

WILLIAM

(coldly)

Place her under arrest and take her to the stockades.

LUZ

What?! Will, don't you think that's a little-?

WILLIAM

Poisoning people is a felony. This is for her own good.

EDA

He's right...

Luz looks even more shocked hearing the words from Eda.

EDA

(contrite)

I guess I just miss being a rebel too much to know when to quit...

(reassuring)

I'll be fine, kiddo.

Luz frowns as Eda is escorted away by the guards and turns to William.

LUZ

(sullen)

Do what you have to...I just hope it's worth it in the end...

William watches her go with remorse.

CUT TO:

INT. STAGE

Domovoi is busy performing an act for the Oracle Coven, entitled: PROBABLE CAUSE. He makes an elaborate display of shuffling a deck of tarot cards with a levitation spell.

DOMOVOI

For next act, will require wolunteer from audience.

The spotlights search the crowd, but Domovoi points straight at a demon in the front row.

DOMOVOI

You there! You are wolunteer!

DEMON

(shy)

Oh, no I'm not really-

DOMOVOI

YOU WOLUNTEER!

Domovoi levitates the reluctant Demon up onto the stage.

DEMON

Uh, okay...

Domovoi then fans out the deck of tarot cards and presents it to the demon.

DOMOVOI

Is this of your card?

DEMON

(picking card)

But I didn't even think of-hey!

Instead of a tarot design, the card is printed with an image of the demon in an embarrassing situation.

DEMON

(clutching the card)

N-nobody knew about that! How did you-? GET OUT OF MY HEAD! WAAAGH!

The demon panics and runs offstage. The crowd is weirded out.

DOMOVOI

Next wolunteer?

Everyone is silent.

INT. STAGE RIGHT

The bards wait for their turn to appear on stage. Raine no longer seems anxious, only solemn.

AMBER

Blindfold, boss?

Amber helpfully offers another strip of cloth, but Raine waves it away. He looks out on stage with renewed determination.

RAINE

Let's do this.

PERRY PORTER

And now for the Bard Coven!

The bards walk out on stage to the sound of applause. After a few moments basking in the mood lighting, they continue playing their song from where they left off in the qualifiers.

RAINE

...SO I TOOK A STROLL WITH THIS PRETTY FAIR MAID/ AND A GENTLEMAN PASSING US BY/ OH, I KNEW THAT SHE MEANT THE UNDOING OF HIM/ BY THE LOOK IN HER ROGUISH BLACK EYE/

Raine sings without an ounce of hesitation, putting all his feelings into the verse. The magical display hovering over the stage is scintillating.

RAINE

A GOLD WATCH SHE TOOK FROM HIS POCKET/ AND SLIPPED IT RIGHT INTO MY HAND/ AND THE VERY FIRST THING THAT I SAID WAS/ A CURSE ON THAT BLACK VELVET BAND!/

We briefly fade away to see Eda being loaded into a paddy-wagon and taken away, the music playing over all the while.

RAINE

SEVEN LONG YEARS PENAL SERVITUDE/ I SPENT DOWN IN VAN DEMON'S LAND/ FAR AWAY FROM MY FRIENDS AND RELATIONS/ BETRAYED BY THE BLACK VELVET BAND!/

Eda looks remorsefully out through the bars in her cart, trying to listen to the music.

RAINE

HER EYES, THEY SHONE LIKE DIAMONDS/ I THOUGHT HER THE QUEEN OF THE LAND/ AND HER HAIR HUNG OVER HER SHOULDER/ TIED UP WITH A BLACK VELVET BAND/

The bards conclude their song to a standing ovation from the crowd. Luz and William clap slowly, somber at seeing the tragic double-meaning in the lyrics.

Raine meanwhile, proudly bows and smiles, seeming to have gained some catharsis.

PERRY PORTER

Well that was a fiery performance from the Bard Coven! I know they've got my vote!

Now, last, but not least, we have the Potion Coven with their act: GASTRONOMICON!

After the bards leave the stage, the curtain lifts to reveal the Potion Witch standing in front of a huge, hideous demon. It's nothing more than a mound of flesh covered in many mouths, eyeballs and orifices.

The audience is aghast at it's hideousness, but the Potions witch casually takes a jug of green potion and pours it down one of the demon's mouths.

After a few moments of its innards gurgling and squelching, the demon emits a musical arrangement of belches, retches, farts, and other rude noises with puffs of colorful gas. The Potion Witch conducts this "symphony" with all seriousness.

LUZ

(pinching her nose)

Ugh! Gross!

WILLIAM

Ye gods! Get that thing off stage! There's no way this passes for-

The audience erupts with laughter and cheering, especially from the children and more low-brow witches.

EYE-EATING MONSTER

Huhhuhhuh! Funny!

William face palms, unable to watch the crude spectacle.

WILLIAM

(despairing)

Oh, tell me standards haven't fallen so low.

The Potion Witch concludes his act to raucous applause and nonchalantly exits to stage left.

PERRY PORTER

Uh...*erherm*, quite an...earthy performance! But now that we've seen all the Covens' acts, it's time for all you ladies and gentle-witches to vote for your favorite! The Penstagram voting booths are now open!

The members of the audience all conjure up their social-media scrolls and tap at their screens.

PERRY PORTER

And just a reminder, we are screening for fake accounts. Offenders will be imprisoned in the shadow dimension!

A large view-screen appears over the stage showing a bar graph of the vote totals for each Coven's performance. Each bar slowly ticks up in a suspenseful display.

PERRY PORTER

And the winner is...

The bards hold their breaths backstage.

PERRY PORTER

The Potion Coven!

The totals are finalized and the bar graph rearranges itself in order of fewest votes to most. The Potion Coven's bar is the tallest, with the Bards' as a close second.

AMBER

WHAT?!

KATYA

Aw, that's bogus!

DERWIN

Philistines! No one appreciates good art anymore!

Raine looks a bit deflated, but he still smiles, proud of his work.

CROSSFADE TO:

INT. BONESBOROUGH COUNCIL BUILDING, BARD COVEN'S OFFICE - MORNING

Raine and the bards are busy clearing out their office and packing up their belongings.

AMBER

*sigh* So what are we gonna do now?

KATYA

I'll be joining the Illusion Coven's new music division. Sure, we won't have the same budget, but it's...something...

DERWIN

*groan* It's back to street corners and coffee-shop gigs for me.

RAINE

(encouraging)

Well, no matter where we are, or what we're doing, we're still Bards. Coven or not. And besides we'll always be...

(striking a pose)

...the BATTs! *Hiss*

The bards laugh, pleased at seeing their leader more outgoing. Their packing is then interrupted by a knock at the door.

Raine opens it to see Eda standing in the hall outside, flanked by Lord William and a guard.

EDA

(awkward)

Hey...

RAINE

Hey.

EDA

(to her guard)

Can we get a minute?

The guard nods and lets Eda inside.

EDA

Well, I heard you were a maestro out there last night. A shame it fell on deaf ears...I just wanted to say I'm sorry for-

RAINE

(introspective)

-It's alright. You've always been there to support me-or kick my butt into gear if nothing else. But I guess what I really needed was to think no one would be there to believe in me, except me.

(smiling)

So I guess you helped out anyway.

Eda's eyes water as Raine hugs her. Meanwhile, Lord William loiters in the doorframe.

WILLIAM

*erherm* I'd say the experience was revelatory for us all. May I come in?

Raine warily admits him through the door.

WILLIAM

Last night's...

(traumatized)

...disheartening outcome awakened me to the Isles' dire need for cultural enrichment.

I can't justify using public funds to do it, but I have other means...

William points his staff in the air and summons a portal. A treasure chest falls out of it and creaks open to reveal a hoard of gold and jewels.

The bards are awestruck and swarm around the chest, their eyes glittering.

WILLIAM

Some of my kingdom's coffers were well-hidden enough to escape plunder. This one is yours to reinstate the Bard Coven.

The bards cheer and jump for glee, but William abruptly closes the chest.

WILLIAM

Provided...that your performances meet my approval.

He formally extends his hand to Raine.

WILLIAM

Consider me your patron.

RAINE

Thank you, Lord Regent...but I was hoping I could consider you a friend.

Raine extends his hand. William looks disarmed, but tries to resume his business-like tone.

WILLIAM

I'm sure we'll be working closely together. Now, Eda it's time I escort you to your first bout of community service.

Eda groans with dread.

CUT TO:

EXT. BONESBOROUGH MARKETPLACE - DAY

Luz and Camilla do some shopping in the marketplace when they come upon Eda's stand. It's been re-branded as THE OWL LADY'S PALISMEN AND SCRIMSHAW (Coming Soon), and decorated with branches and leaves.

William and Raine watch as Eda toils away at carving while Mr. Wayde supplies more cords of palistrom logs.

LUZ

(proud)

Oh, Eda! Looks like you found a new line of work!

EDA

It'll be a while before I can call it "gainful employment".

She sets out a placard that reads FIRST FIFTY ARE FREE.

EDA

So what are you up to?

Camilla protectively clasps Luz's shoulders.

CAMILLA

Well, since things seem a little tense around here, we thought of going back to Gravesfield and commuting through the portal.

EDA

"Tense"? *snort* Whatd'ya mean tense?!

Eda, Raine, and William trade uneasy glances.

EDA

Okay, so we let things get a bit heated, but that's all under the bridge now.

RAINE

We were thinking of burying the hatchet over a nice dinner. Why don't you join us?

WILLIAM

We'll make it a home-coming feast for you, Luz!

LUZ

(smiling)

I'd like that.

CUT TO:

INT. THE OWL HOUSE, KITCHEN - SUNSET

Everyone is gathered around the kitchen table. King, Lilith & Hooty, Luz's school-friends, everyone is feasting and having a good time. Luz lets out a wistful sigh.

LUZ

Finally...I'm home.