Chapter Four

Heath Barkley shifted his legs, trying to get comfortable in the narrow upright wooden pew. He had noted when he had sat down, that there was not a kneeler in front of him. The church itself was simple in the way of a new settlement, but Heath had noted the Catholic touches of the elaborate carved cross over the altar. In addition, the window above the altar was stained glass; the rest of the windows were clear.

The wedding ceremony had been going on for almost an hour – a full nuptial Mass, all said and sung in Latin. Heath went to church in Stockton because Victoria expected it, and his Mama and Hannah had been devout women. For his part Heath did not put a lot of stock in organized religion, but now he found himself paying attention to the wedding ceremony.

It was not that he had not been to Catholic weddings and ceremonies before, but this one was different because of Sharon. Heath managed several discrete glances at her, where she sat in the first pew; her spun copper hair was bright against the drab olive-green hat she wore. He had been surprised that she was not standing up with the bride.

Seeing her the other day and spending time with her in the moonlight, talking about the house had awakened long dormant feelings of longing. Those feelings in turn had had him all night examining his life, and marriage, as it was. Heath had felt such a connection with Sharon last night, which made his heart ache. It pained him to acknowledge that he had never had that connection with Sarah, even at the height of their courtship.

Heath looked up at the Crucifix and took himself to task about his self-pity. He reminded himself about Hannah's oft admonishment of counting your blessings. He turned his focus to the bridal couple as they were starting to exchange vows. Before he could stop himself, he wondered how Sharon had looked when she had been married in this church.

This wedding was a very staid affair; Heath had noted that when he had entered the chapel there had been no flowers, ribbons, or anything else. He did remind himself that it was an arranged marriage in the end. The Barkley's had met the bride to be, along with her parents, yesterday. Eileen Murphy was a slip of a girl, dark hair with wild curls and blue eyes. Victoria and Priscilla wondered about her age, even as they all knew that Jimmy would not care.

Now Heath watched as the bride – clad in a simple blue day dress – exchanged vows with Jimmy, who was wearing his one good suit. The couple was stiff and formal, which Heath was sure was partly because they had just met yesterday, and that marriage was a sacrament. He pondered that probably they would be happier than he and Sarah were, even though they had courted for almost a year before they were married.

As he thought about that period it came to him that he had been much more interested at first than Sarah had been. Of course, that only added to the initial attraction; Heath could still recall when he had first met Sarah. She had been so petite, feminine, and scared of everything. Her hazel eyes reminded him of a doe in the forest, watching everything around her. He could now admit that some of the attraction was that he was able to be her protector and rescuer. Her father had left Sarah and her mother destitute.

Their wedding had been a simple ceremony at the church, because Sarah did not want any outside interest, and he did not want a lot of fuss. It had been Nick who had seen to it that they had a wedding, and Victoria who had then told him they could leave after the ceremony, but she was throwing a party.

Heath, as he recalled his wedding now, recalled how happy he had been, even if dealing with bridegroom nerves. Sarah had been a vision in white, and he was sure that she had illuminated the church as she came down the aisle. There had been so much love and promise on that day, as he and Sarah exchanged vows. When had it all changed, he asked himself?

They had spent their time leading up to the wedding working on the house – a house that Sarah had been enthused about. Heath mentally shied away at the thought that he had used the plans he and Sharon had drawn up; pausing now he looked over at her without meaning too. It came to him that he needed to think about the here and now, not the past. What was done was done, and suddenly the wedding breakfast could not come soon enough; he needed a drink.

Sharon looked around the church, remembering when she and Paul had married here. The church was still new, the smell of fresh cut wood heavy in the air; they were one of the first couples to wed in the structure. It had been a simple ceremony, but Sharon had arisen early and decorated the church with late blooming daisies and greenery. She would have loved ribbons as she had seen at the weddings of the Sasannach at the church on the estate in Ireland.

The Priest and Paul too, had deplored the decorations, declaring them blasphemous in a Holy Dwelling. Sharon was thankful that her Uncle Jimmy had stepped in and took credit for the flowers. She would later recall with disgust how holy and pious her husband had acted. Her dress had been made over with a new skirt, and some ribbon Granny Callahan had sewn carefully as decoration.

Deciding she was not interested in reliving her wedding, she went on to the Baptisms of Sean and Tara. They had been such happy occasions, and without realizing it Sharon smiled as she thought of her children. At least something good had come from her marriage to Paul, and Sharon would not have traded Sean and Tara for anything.

Paul's funeral, well that was ghastly to her, but not for why people would think if she had confessed that to everyone. Instead, she had been the perfect bereaved widow, too concerned with her sorrow to worry about the details of the funeral. In truth she could have cared less how Paul was buried – she would have been glad to let him rot on the peat pile, even as she asked for forgiveness at her thoughts.

Realizing she was not paying attention to the wedding, Sharon looked at the altar as she sat up very straight. It was easy to do because she had laced her stays tighter than she usually did. After meeting Eileen Murphy, Sharon had felt old and fat. The girl – Sharon was surprised at how young Eileen was – was tiny, with smooth fresh skin and blue eyes. Uncle Jimmy was already smitten, from what Sharon could see.

The look in her uncle's eyes made her think of how Heath had looked at her, in the moonlight the other night. Sharon became aware of Heath sitting across the aisle, in a pew a row back. She turned slightly in his direction now and caught him looking at her, his blue eyes soft with admiration. A shiver of pleasure warmed inside her, making her smile slightly.

The smile did not stay though, as she reminded herself that he was another woman's husband. Sharon said a silent Hail Mary as penance, for her infraction of the Commandment. He though, Sharon rebuked herself, had been looking at her with longing. She had not responded to him, so there really had not been sin – at least on her part. However, Sharon was going to be very careful at the Wedding Breakfast and give Heath a wide berth.

Victoria was not paying attention to the wedding, being more concerned with her own thoughts. She had been surprised, and then dismayed when she found out that Sharon was now a widow. Further a very pretty widow with two small, beautiful children. If that were not enough the news that she would be relocating to Stockton had Victoria worried.

Her worries had increased over the last two days, as she had noticed how Heath would look at Sharon if she were in the room. Victoria was very aware that Heath was not happy in his marriage, no matter how good of a face he put on around everyone. Her youngest son was fine, upstanding, and honorable; Victoria knew well.

She was not concerned about anything improper happening between the couple. Heath would never cross that line, and Sharon was much too wrapped up in her children. Rather, the presence of the woman Heath had wanted to marry was not going to help his current marriage. Sharon would be a reminder of what Heath had lost – and what he did not have now.

Victoria knew that Sharon was proud, hardworking, and would be happiest in her own house, with land to take care of. Heath would know this from their previous relationship; Sarah would only come off worse for the comparison. That would do nothing to help the current state of Heath and Sarah's relationship.

She was also concerned at how lonely Heath was in the house; further Victoria had seen the look in his eyes as he played with his nieces and nephews; it was clear that Heath wanted a child of his own. His ex-love, showing up in town as a widow with two children, would undoubtedly arise stirrings in him; of this Victoria was sure.

She looked out of the corner of her eye at Sharon, whose red hair was glowing in the sunlight coming through the window. Victoria noted the simple olive colored hat and plain dress that could not hide how fetching Sharon was. The idea that she would be in Stockton, in close proximity to Heath, filled Victoria with foreboding. She did remind herself now though, that Sharon had made no effort to spend time with Heath.

Instead, she had been busy with the wedding preparations, and her children. Victoria told herself that Sharon had barely been widowed and was undoubtedly still mourning the loss of her husband. Further, Heath was busy on the ranch, and when he did go into town, it was to Harry's Saloon and the Cattleman's Hotel. The Sunnyside Café was not one of his regular places to visit, and Sharon would be busy with her responsibilities. Victoria reviewed those thoughts and realized that Heath and Sharon would not have many opportunities to interact together.

Deciding that she was making a mountain out of a mole hill, Victoria brought her attention back to the Mass, which was now concluding. Yes, Sharon would be in Stockton, but Heath would be at the ranch, or at the saloon. He did not always go to church, but even then, Sharon would be at the Catholic services. No, Victoria mentally shook her head; it would be hard for the two people to come into contact with each other.

Victoria also decided to reach out to Sarah, maybe even going up to San Francisco to visit her. She wondered if she had made more of an effort with Sarah back in the beginning, things might have been different. At the time she had wanted to respect Heath's privacy and not come across as the overbearing mother-in-law. It came to her that she should have been more concerned about Sarah's feelings, rather than Heath's. Sighing she sat up straight and reminded herself that she had not thought Sarah would accept Heath's proposal.

Suddenly the Priest's voice raised high, as the turned from the Crucifix, towards the congregation. By now the vows had been said, the ring put on Eileen's finger, so the service was concluding. This should be the final blessing for the nuptial couple, and Victoria was ready to have the service over with. When the priest started to speak, Victoria stiffened her spine.

"Marriage is not only a gift but an obligation – one must do one's duty to God and Family no matter what. Only by denying selfish and wanton desires can a couple find happiness." The Priest's blue eyes blazed fire, and he raised the crucifix around his neck. "Please join me in the prayer to St. Michael the Archangel – our protector in battle against Satan."

Victoria did not know why, but she felt like the diminutive man was issuing her a personal warning. There had been a moment when her eyes had locked with the Priest's, and she felt a malevolence that scared her. She then dismissed it, realizing the man was slightly insane – no doubt why he had been assigned to the backwater Irish Parish of Kilkenny Farms. Just in case though she kept her distance from him at the wedding breakfast.