Chapter Seventy-Five
Sharon woke up, and looked around at her surroundings, noting how the moon was shining through the windows. She recognized the bedroom that she had been staying in at Uncle Jimmy's. At first she did not know why she was under the covers with no clothes on, until all the events of yesterday came flashing back.
Her head hurt, but her mind was not mush, and she now saw everything clearly. Just as she started to move, she became aware of Heath next to her. She was lying on her back, while he was on his side – his leg was draped over her lower body, while his arm was across her chest.
His comment about how he loved her came back, as she felt him against her. Sharon shifted slightly, so she would look at Heath, admiring his broad shoulders, and taut body. She then remembered how he had excited her all those years in their first courtship.
Their time in San Francisco came to her mind, as well as the Sunday evenings in his study. In so many ways he was a good man – one that she had cared for once and could maybe care for again – but his other actions were hard for her to reconcile. Sharon understood that Heath had been jealous of Eamonn, but from her point of view Heath had made it clear that he had no interest in her.
But his declaration of love had her puzzled; her head felt like a never-ending wave of pain, and she recalled his comment about the conversation they would have tomorrow. It did not make sense to her, his quick change of heart. As she had that thought, it just reinforced in her mind his mercurial behavior, which only she saw.
She then realized that Heath had saved her life – even as the whole scene in the church reminded her of a kaleidoscope. Every time you turned the lower part of the chamber of the tube you saw something different. The ropes around her wrists and ankles, the heavy smell of incense, the Latin chants, and the silver dagger that was above her chest all melded together in a puzzling maze.
Sharon recalled how scared she had been, but because of Heath she was safe. Suddenly all those feelings she had had for him years before came rushing back to her. Now, being in bed with him, and feeling safe she wanted to be close to him. However, his position over her body meant she could not move, even as she felt him against his body. She decided to enjoy the feeling, hoping that Heath really meant that he loved her.
Sharon then thought of Sean and Tara, and how good Heath was with them – he was an excellent father. She also knew that his money would provide the children with a future that she would never have been able to. Her life in the valley was good, with friends and family – could there be more? Sharon said a prayer to the Holy Ghost, before she went back to sleep, about the conversation with Heath tomorrow.
The sun was starting to rise, its rays coming into the windows in the room where Heath and Sharon were. He stirred, being an early riser, and became aware of him holding Sharon close. Further his manhood was full-on, as it pressed against her thighs. Heath, for one moment reveled in the feeling of Sharon against him, and imagined what it would be like to make her his wife.
He then tamped down the urge, knowing that he did not just want her body, but her mind and heart also. Heath carefully disengaged himself from Sharon being sure that she was sleeping soundly enough to not move. He went down to the water closet, and washed, before he put a fresh shirt on, with yesterday's pants. Going down to the kitchen, he saw that it was empty, but noted the tea kettle on the stove.
Heath sighed and reconciled himself to tea and not coffee. He put together a cup, and then took it back upstairs, figuring that Jimmy was out on farm duties. Normally he would have gone out to help him, but he was more concerned about Sharon. Hopefully she would sleep longer, and then Patrick could come and look at her. The thought of Patrick awakened all his jealous feelings, even as he knew the man was just trying to take care of the people.
It was several hours later – Sharon had woken up and wanted to get out of bed. Heath though insisted on her staying flat on her back until Patrick could examine her. He announced that she did not have a concussion but wanted her to spend the next two days bed resting.
Once Patrick left Sharon announced that she wanted a bath, and then some food. Heath smiled at her, excused himself and went to find Eimear or Eileen. He had figured out that Eimear was taking care of Jimmy's son, while his wife recovered from the fever. Having met Eimear only once, she had come across as more mature than Eileen. Heath was glad when she happily agreed to go assist Sharon.
Heath would have loved helping Sharon but knew that they were not at that level in the relationship. He was still scared that they never would be, because of his behavior. When he approached Sharon with his plan, all he cared about was Simon. Over the course of the courtship and then marriage, he had fought against his feelings for Sharon.
He was down in the parlor, waiting to be summoned to Sharon's room. Heath wondered if she was going to be done with him, and he would not have blamed her in the least.
"Mr. Barkley, Mrs. Sharon would like to see you." Eimear came into the room, curtseying as she made the comment. Heath noted again how young she was, but also her kind eyes. It came to him that she had suffered loss due to the fever.
"Thank you for taking care of my wife, Eimear. I know she appreciates your efforts." Heath replied, giving her a smile. He watched her leave, and then went over the drinks tray in the corner of the room. There was gin, rum, and Irish whiskey. His preferred drinks were coffee, and bourbon, but understood this was an Irish settlement. It was not even ten o'clock, but he poured himself a stiff glass of Irish whiskey, which he gulped down.
Heath entered the bedroom, and noted Sharon sitting up in bed, with a tray of broth and tea in front of her. She had a bed jacket on of butter yellow watered silk, with cream colored lace at the collar and three-quarter length sleeves. He was glad that she was not just in her nightgown, which would undoubtedly play havoc with his thoughts.
"I see Eimear took care of everything." Heath walked into the room, being more scared than he could imagine. "She seems to be very competent, in spite of being young."
"Yes, she has been a godsend. Her husband and baby passed from the fever, and when I had Uncle Jimmy put out the word for a wet nurse she came forward." Sharon was glad to have a distraction to talk about. "When she is done with Gavin, she has requested I help her find a nanny or housemaid position in Stockton or San Francisco – she wants out of the settlement."
"Not only is she competent, but clearly she has a good mind." Heath was beyond done with Kilkenny Farms but knew the mess with Sharon and the mad priest was clouding his judgement. "Just so you know, Father McGuire has been taken into custody by the Modesto sheriff. He probably will not stand trial, as he is insane." In truth, as much as Heath wanted vengeance, he knew at the end of the day an insane asylum was where the man needed to be.
Heath and Sharon looked at each other, feeling the awkwardness and stiffness between them. Sharon was so puzzled by his change of heart; since their marriage he had been mercurial, and she never knew what part of Heath she would see. Heath for his part knew that he had been unkind, condensing, and self-centered.
"I need to apologize – for so many things!" Heath swallowed several times, hoping he would find the right words. "I apologize for the allegation I made about you and Eamonn." He was proud that he did not refer to the man as the Royal Navy Lord, reminding himself that the man was important to Sharon. Further the only reason he had come down, and saved Sharon was because of the man's letter.
"It was wrong of me to use my wealth, and position, to force you into marriage, so I could have my son with me." Heath looked up into Sharon's eyes and saw that she was listening to him. He took it as least as start. "If I had not forced you to marry me, you and Eamonn could be together. I will happily give you a divorce if you want." There, he had stated his worse fear, but hoped that her children would keep her from taking up on his offer.
"Heath I am proud that you are my husband, and Sean and Tara's father." Sharon understood what he was offering, even as the pain was apparent on his face. No, I do not want a divorce!" The statement was delivered in a fierce tone, and Heath started to feel a small bit of hope.
"Eamonn was my first love, and he will always be that. However, we knew the rules of our world – I was an Irish servant, and he was an English Lord. We spent a magical summer together, but our relationship could never be." Sharon moved the tray to the side of the bed and took Heath's hands in hers. "I need you to understand that Eamonn is a dear friend – we share a heritage, and so many special memories. We are going to write to each other, just so you know."
"So where do I fit in all of that?" Heath was not surprised that they would stay in touch – he had seen how close they were, and it put a pain in his heart. However, he realized that to have Sharon would mean her having a relationship with Eamonn. It came to him that they were both adults and had both been involved with other people.
"You are the present – here and now! Eamonn and I have good lives – he loves the navy, and I love my children, and our life in the valley." Sharon hoped she would be able to make him understand. He was a good man, a good father, and she knew in her heart he could be a good husband. She took a deep breath, knowing that she had to call him out on his behavior.
"Heath, you did not force me to agree to your arrangement – I went into it with my eyes wide open. I would like to think that our courtship dates were a lot of fun. And then the trip to San Francisco was so enjoyable, and I felt like we were almost back to what our relationship had been all those years ago." Sharon removed her hands from his, sat up very straight, and looked him directly in the eye. "I have found it hard to deal with your attitude towards me – one minute you are kind, but then suddenly you are cold and make some rude or condensing comment about something I have done."
He recoiled, even as he knew what she was referencing – just as he was enjoying being with her, Heath had lashed out. The analogy of the snake in the garden came to him – yes, he had not wanted to fall in love with her and had pushed her away. He looked over at her, admiring how lovely she looked, even as her hair was simply braided back, and the bed jacket came to the top of her neck.
"So I have been a total ass – I fully admit it. I did not want to fall in love with you, after you had rejected my proposal all those years ago." Heath looked over at her, noticing how stiff she was, with her hands under the bed covers.
"You are in love with me? Really? And you are still upset I turned you down?" Sharon could not believe that he was still harboring hard feelings from eight years ago. It bewildered her, that after everything he had been through, he could not let go of her turning down his proposal. She then recalled how fixated he had been about her and Eamonn out sailing. It came to her that he took things to heart and was not as tough and cold as he portrayed himself.
"I was so in love and had everything all planned out." Heath looked her directly in the face. "You told me that you would never be accepted in my world, because of your religion and social status. Somehow though, seven years later you became a successful business manager, well liked, and going to Protestant services. I have always assumed there was another reason you turned me down."
"Heath, when I turned you down, I was not even a year away from Ireland. Things are different over there, but at the time it was all I knew." Sharon sighed, shaking her head at the young girl she had been then. "After my husband passed, I was a destitute widow, with two small children. By then I had been America for several years and grew up. I had to take care of my children."
"Thank you for telling me that – it explains a great deal and makes me feel better." Heath offered, thinking about how young they had been, and dealing with new lives at the same time. He smiled at her, still not sure how to make things right with her.
"So, can we make this work?" Heath asked, holding his breath. It came to him that she might want their relationship to continue as it had been.
"Absolutely! I love our life in the Valley, and what a great father you are. Further, we have had some good times together, and I do not see why we could not have more. I still remember how your kisses made me feel all those years ago. I would like us to get back to that relationship." Sharon took a deep breath as she made the comment.
Sharon understood that for them to move forward, she needed to commit to being Heath's wife in all aspects. It scared her, because of her late husband, but she was sure that Heath would be different.
"So you want to stay with me, and be my wife?" Heath was taken aback at how Sharon wanted him and did not hate him. He said as much to her, adding "can I say again what an ass I am!"
"Hopefully now that you have admitted that you love me, your behavior will improve. We need to talk honestly, and I never want you to be cold and condensing again!" Sharon looked him directly in the face, and Heath understood what he needed to do. He inwardly acknowledged that it would be hard and uncomfortable, but he loved Sharon. Heath reminded himself that he needed to be grateful to Eamonn, so he knew he could be the man Sharon wanted.
"I still remember the first time I met you – you were independent and feisty – and even with everything we have been through you still are." Heath reached over to take her hands, thinking about how she had rejected the charity he tried to give to the settlement.
Sharon loved his hands holding hers, felt stirrings of physical desire. It made her remember their first courtship. It came to her that while she had been a wife and born two children, she was almost a virgin. Tears welled up in her eyes, so many emotions overcoming her.
"Sharon, are you all right?" Heath had never seen her cry, and he felt helpless. She was such a strong person – in many ways she reminded him of Victoria. He put his arms around her, holding her close. After a bit she sat up and settled back against the pillows.
"I am just awe at how my life has turned around so quickly." Sharon looked at him and noticed how concerned he looked. "It has been hard down here, with the fever epidemic." He reached over and put his arms around her, as he went to sit next to her.
"I am so in love with you and am honored that you want to be my wife." Heath put his arms around her, as she moved against him. For Heath, the feeling of her body against him awakened desire. Her arms wrapped around his waist, as she let her body melt into his. It was thrilling to touch his body, and Heath was struggling at what she was doing.
"We need to stop." Heath broke awake, breaking off the deep kiss. He wanted her as his wife, but it would not happen at Kilkenny Farms.
"Yes, I agree." Sharon panted, being amazed at her reaction to Heath. As aroused as she was, the actual act had her scared. Paul had treated her like an animal, but she had heard stories that it was not unusual. She knew that Heath needed to know the story of her first marriage, so they could move forward.
Sharon sat up straight against the pillows and indicated for Heath to sit in the chair by the bed. He agreed, even as he gave her body a sultry look, which caused her to blush. Just then there was a knock on the door.
Jimmy and Eileen came into the room, with Gavin. Eimear was behind them with a tea tray, which included scones with clotted cream and strawberry jam. Sharon happily ate three scones, and then Eileen asked if would like to hold Gavin. She looked at her uncle's wife, understanding how young she was; however, she had appreciated Eimear.
Sharon took the swaddled bundle, and looked into the bright blue eyes, as she inhaled the new baby scent. She thought back to Sean and Tara, when suddenly a thought came to her. Thinking back to when she and Heath had helped to deliver Ducky, and they sat together holding the baby. Sharon had thought she was done babies, but now, looking at Heath, she hoped that there were babies in their future.
