I got home from the last day of school for the next two weeks. I was really excited for Christmas break this year. I missed Jeremy so much. This was the longest I had ever gone without seeing him. He use to be a big part of my life. Before I took on the responsibility of looking out for Max, Jeremy took that responsibility and looked out for the both of us. I really never thanked him for how much he did for us and I feel guilty that I didn't appreciate him enough at the time. I don't really know how he managed to get into a good school with all he did. I admire that about him. He never once complained about it like I did. I missed being looked after. I think that's why I really love being around Damon. He truly cares about my well being and as much as I love my mom and Caroline, they aren't around much.
"Miss me?" I heard as I walked into the living room.
My eye widened. "Jere!" I freaked out in excitement.
I ran into my brother's arms. "I missed you." He hugged me tightly.
"I missed you so much." I was nearly in tears. It was so good to see him.
We pulled away and sat on the couch. "You look so thin. Is everything okay?" He noticed my weight loss that I hadn't.
"Yeah I've just been working out a lot with my friend." I smiled at the thought that I was losing weight. No one here noticed because they spend a lot of time with me.
"Caroline and Matt?" He wondered.
"No I met this guy Damon. He's really nice and I've been hanging out with him all the time." I explained.
"Damon Salvatore?" He asked as I nodded. "Elena he's older than you."
"It's not like that. We are friends and nothing more." I tried to convince him.
My brother didn't like the idea of me hanging out with Damon since he's older but I was determined to get them to like each other.
He sighed. "I don't know Elena-"
"Can you just meet him?" I asked. "He's coming over Christmas afternoon and I would love it if you could meet him and get to know him." I put on my puppy dog eyes.
Jeremy rolled his eyes and smiled. "Okay! Fine! You and your puppy dog eyes." I knew I would give this.
I smiled. "Thanks Jere." I hugged him.
I spent Christmas Eve hanging out with my brothers and my mom for once. It was really nice it took me out of my head for once I wasn't thinking about my body or getting rid of food. I just spent a normal night with my family. It was something I really needed. Having my brother around and seeing my mom around and actually paying attention to us was the best Christmas present I could ever ask for. I was happy.
"Honey do you want a slice of pie?" My mom asked me with a smile on her face. Something I never see.
I nodded. "Sure." I took the pie and I sat between Jeremy and Max.
"So how's school?" Jeremy asked Max.
Mom took a sip of her wine and looked at my brother. "It's been great. I've made a lot of new friends." Max explained.
"Wow that's great buddy!" Jeremy smiled and turned his head to me. "What about you Elena?"
"It's fine." I said before taking another bite.
"Just fine?" My mom wondered.
"What about friends? Is Damon still coming over tomorrow?" He asked me.
"Yeah! I'm really excited for you to meet him." My face lit up.
My mom and brothers laughed my sudden mood change. "I'm looking forward to it." Jeremy said.
We cleaned up and watched Christmas movies on the couch till we all fell asleep.
Christmas morning was nice and special. I expected today to be bad but after last night this year Christmas was actually really cool. Damon spent the morning with his family but came over my house for lunch and to open presents we got each other.
A knock at the door my brother answered it and let Damon in. "Hey, I'm Damon." He said, extending his hand out to shake Jeremy's.
"Yeah I know who you are." Jeremy said as he shook his hand.
Jeremy's a freshmen an ivy league college. He graduated High School a year early, my mom was so proud of him. Damon actually remembered him sort of. He just remembered seeing a smart guy always running the science fairs. That made me laugh. Jeremy was surprised his little sister was hanging out with the most popular guy in school. My brother always thought Damon was a jerk like Stefan. When Jeremy was a junior, Damon was a sophomore so Jeremy remembered that Damon was the most popular guy in the sophomore class. My little brother Max thought Damon was really cool. Max is in seventh grade and he's very immature but at the same time he's mature enough to take care of himself. Max is never home until the time my mom comes home. She has no idea when she gets home he had be gone all day. I didn't really mind being alone after school. I know Max can take care of himself. I liked being able to have Damon over and not have anyone keep checking on us. We had grown so close I didn't want to be apart for over a week. I thought he'd be busy the whole time and not have time to call me. He had fun and we talked a few times on the phone. It actually wasn't that bad. I spent more time with Caroline and Matt but I missed him.
After Jeremy's integration I think Damon won him over because he left us alone to open presents.
"You didn't have to get me anything." Damon said when I handed him his present.
"Of course I did. I'm not going to let you buy me something and not give you anything." I laughed. I got Damon a hockey jersey he really wanted and couldn't stop talking about. When he opened it, his face lit up.
"Elena I can't believe you actually got me this." He was so shocked which made me smile.
"Thank you!" He hugged me tightly and put his jersey back in the bag. Damon handed me my present.
"It's not as good as what you got me but I hope you like it." Damon smiled and handed it to me. He got me a necklace that said my name. It was so pretty.
"Wow it's amazing." I looked at him he was smiling.
"You like it?" Damon asked.
"I love it." I turned around and pulled my hair up as Damon put the necklace on me. I shivered at his touch as he clasped the necklace on. I was so in love with my necklace it was beautiful and it came from someone who cares about me. It was the best present I have ever gotten.
"Thank you so much Damon!" I hugged him wanting to never let go.
Over Christmas break Damon left the day after Christmas to go skiing for New Years. I was really bummed out not being able to see him on New Years. All year I kept fantasizing that he'd give me my first kiss at midnight.
I woke up two days later to my brother Jeremy knocking on my door. I opened it and let him in. It had been nice to spend the past few days with him, though he was acting weird. I knew he was leaving soon and I was really bummed about it. When he was around I felt like I didn't have to be responsible. I felt like I had a break from everything again. Most importantly I felt like someone was looking out for me.
"Hey sis." He said as he walked in and sat down next to me.
"What's going on?" I asked noticing he was upset.
He sighed. "This is hard to talk about." Jeremy said and I was getting anxious. "I've noticed that you haven't been eating and you go to the bathroom after every meal." My body was shaking. He knew. "Listen, don't deny it. I know what bumilia looks like." I teared up and he pulled me into a hug.
"Jere-" I was so scared.
"Shh, I know you're dealing with a lot." He rubbed my back. "It doesn't mean you can treat your body like this. You are beautiful and you don't need to do this to yourself." I could tell his heart was breaking for me.
"I'll stop." I cried in his arms.
"I think I should tell mom and we can get you into therapy." He suggested.
I shook my head. "No I don't want anyone to know! Please, I'll go see a therapist but let's keep this between us." I pleaded but he wasn't agreeing.
"I can't just leave without knowing if you'll be okay." He was concerned.
"I'll video chat you whenever you want and do whatever you want me to do." I did everything I could to explain to him that I didn't want anyone to know.
After a long conversation he agreed. "I won't tell mom but I'm going to come home more and if you aren't better I will be having a conversation with everyone."
I was so relieved that he wasn't going to tell mom on me. He was right. I wasn't treating my body fairly. I was lacking energy all the time and I never felt good. Before he left my he taught me what to do to keep up with a healthy diet and light exercise. I planned on sticking to it as much as I could. I didn't want to let him down. He took me to see a therapist and I tried to talk about everything I was dealing and it was good. We spent a good amount of time together before he left and it was Damon got back from skiing the first thing he did was have a TV/movie marathon with me. It was really nice as was every moment I spent with him.
Sometimes it actually felt like we were more than just friends. He did more for me than most people in relationships actually do. Damon would wait for me outside of a few of my classes. He'd kiss my cheek, put his arm around me all the time and pay for me when we'd go to the food court or the diner despite how much I'd argue with that. It felt so real and I wasn't the only one that saw it like that. The only thing missing was the actual boyfriend title. My New Years resolution along with controlling my bulimia was to find a way to be honest with Damon and stop being afraid. Caroline would be pissed off if I didn't make it my resolution. She was annoyed hearing about how much I like Damon when I could be doing something about it when I'm not. She's not like me in that way. When she realized she liked Matt she went up to him and kissed him on the swing set. It was so unexpectedly brave for a seventh grader. That's why Caroline couldn't understand why I wasn't being honest. She thinks that if you feel a certain way you owe it to yourself to be truthful. I see what she meant and I know I also owe it to Damon. It's still hard being so vulnerable and opening my heart when I know it could break.
