I walked into school on the first day back from winter break and I felt so much better than I did last time i was in these halls. I had been eating more and puking less. I haven't stopped but I've been trying to fight that urge as best as I can. My body felt better but I still felt fat and insecure. My body was also changing a lot my breasts were getting bigger and my curves were developing. I liked it because I looked more like a woman and less like a kid but I wanted to be in better shape. My brother told me now that I have more energy, I can work out and not be exhausted. I decided I was going to go on morning runs. I got up early and went for a run this morning and then hopped in the shower before Damon came over to get me for school. The therapist gave me the tips as well. I was supposed to keep seeing her after my brother left but I didn't.

"Hey Elena!" Caroline yelled from across the room, she came over to me with Matt on her arm.

I smiled. "Hey guys. How was your break?" I hadn't seen them since I was spending time with my family and Damon.

"It was great. Caroline got drunk off of one spiked eggnog on Christmas Eve and told all of her little cousins that Santa isn't real." Matt chuckled.

I laughed as Caroline smacked Matt's arm. "Just one?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Okay maybe I stole some of Matt's." Caroline giggled and kissed his cheek.

They were sweet. I wanted a love like that.

I sat at lunch a few hours later and waited for all my friends. I was rarely the first one here since Matt's art class was down the hall. I pulled out a sandwich from my lunch bag. It was wheat bread and turkey and I had an orange. I knew it was going to be hard eating this. Usually would eat something unhealthy like pizza and then go to the bathroom afterwards. Other times I would eat nothing and tell my friends that either ate a big breakfast or getting food after school.

"Hey sexy." I heard come from behind me as he sat down.

I rolled my eyes. "What do you want Stefan?" I didn't want to see his face here.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Just checking out that hot bod of yours up close." Stefan smirked and looked at my boobs.

I shivered. "You are so gross." I watched him smile as if he was proud of being gross. He probably was. "Can you leave now?" I asked him.

"Now why would I do that?" Stefan said cocky.

He grabbed my orange and took a bite. "Because Damon is right over there." I pointed to the lunch line he was standing in.

Stefan rolled his eyes and got up. "You'll change your mind about me. Just you wait." He said before patting my head.

I was so irritated he treated me like a fucking dog. I wanted to tell everyone how disgusted I was but I thought it was better to keep it to myself. Stefan clearly wanted attention and I wasn't going to let him know that he was getting to me.

Once school ended I waited for Damon outside. My phone rang a minute later. "Hello?" I answered, wondering why Damon was calling me.

"Hey Elena. I have hockey tryouts this week so will you be alright walking home?" He asked me.

"Yeah sure." I was happy for him but I didn't know why he hadn't mentioned it.

"Maybe I'll stop by after." He mentioned before we hung up.

I walked home and when I got inside I cooked dinner for my brother and made myself a salad. I went upstairs and called Jeremy as I did my homework. He was pleased to hear I was doing well and I was kind of. I've been working so hard on being better and controlling my bulimia but I also promised myself that I was going to be honest to Damon and I hadn't. Tonight he was coming over. I could tell him about my feelings and finally be honest with him and myself. I was scared of the rejection and the vulnerability. I knew it was time but I was so anxious thinking about being honest with him.

A few hours later Damon showed up all sweaty and gross from hockey but I didn't mind it. I was ready to tell him everything I've felt this whole time we've been best friends. I was starting to get excited instead of anxious.

"What'd you eat for dinner?" Damon asked as we sat in my kitchen.

Max stood at the fridge grabbing the chilli and cornbread I had made for him and my mom earlier. "She didn't eat a thing." My brother intentionally threw me under the bus.

Damon shot a look at me. "It's almost ten. Why didn't you eat?" He asked me, realizing that was strange.

"I had a big lunch but I made myself a salad so I'll just eat that now," I said covering my own tracks.

Max looked at me confused. "This salad?" He held it up. "It's only lettuce and tomatoes. That can't be filling." It was a small salad.

Damon shook his head. "No you didn't have a big lunch at all. You had half a turkey sandwich and like half an orange." He was so suspicious.

I was sick to my stomach in anxiety, my hands were shaking. "I meant a big breakfast." I nodded in hope he would believe me.

"Elena you had half a banana and gave me the other half." Max said as he threw his bowl of chilli in the microwave.

Damon turned his head back from looking at Max and noticed my uneasy behavior. "Elena what is going on?" He asked, I couldn't speak. "You practically haven't eaten today and your not hungry? You should have some chilli." He added and grabbed a bowl.

"No!" I yelled. I was trying so hard not to throw up the food I was forcing myself to eat but I knew I would slip up if I ate any of that.

Damon's face was full of concern. "Max can you go upstairs? He asked my brother. I knew he was piecing things together.

"Sure." Max said as he took his food and left.

I looked at Damon with worry. "Elena, are okay? Why haven't you been eating much lately?" He asked as he took my hand.

I tried so hard to think of excuses but I was running out of them. "I don't know." I felt my eyes water in fear of him discovering my deepest of secrets. I felt extremely exposed and vulnerable.

Damon's face softened. "Hey come on don't cry." He pulled me closer and I looked into his eyes.

I could see how concerned for me he was, how much he cared. I felt horrible and embarrassed.

"It's so hard Damon." Tears fell from my eyes. This was the first time I cried in front of him.

He pushed the hair out of my eyes and wiped away my tears before taking both of my hands. "You can tell me anything. I'm so worried about you Elena." Damon was heartbroken to see me in pain. "Just talk to me."

I sighed knowing I had to tell him. "I'm insecure about my body. I feel disgusting. I haven't been eating and when I do I get rid of it." I could see Damon was shocked as he was taking in the information I gave him together. "I've been doing this for awhile." I cried.

Damon pulled me into a hug. "It's okay. You're going to be okay." He reassured me.

I didn't know if I was going to be okay, but I knew that in my darkest moment of my life with the darkest secret I bared my best friend was there for me and he didn't walk away.

"I promise you that we will figure this out Elena." Damon reassured me.

I sighed and backed up, trying to breath again. "I don't know. I feel so bad." I said honestly.

Damon pulled me close. "Elena. You are so beautiful and you don't even know it." Damon wiped the tears off on my face and pulled me into a hug. I was hurting so badly and he held me tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too." I whispered.

Damon made sure I was okay before he took off. He was being so good to me and I don't deserve it. I didn't know how he could make me feel on top of the world in a split second. He promised that we would come up with a way to get myself healthy again and that I wasn't alone in this. I decided not to tell Damon how I felt yet. I thought it would be better to love myself more first. He made me want to see myself in a better way.


I spent most of January going to therapy a few times a week and talking through everything with Jeremy and Damon. I was making so much progress. Each day is a struggle but I'm starting to see myself better. Damon's been going on runs with me a few times a week so I can keep up with a healthier diet. I've been eating and I haven't purged in awhile. My brother is so proud of me, my friends are proud of me and Damon is proud of me but most importantly I'm proud of myself.


Author's Note:

I'm not sure if I should continue this. I haven't gotten much feedback so I guess let me know. I would like to if you wanted me to.