Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 75 - Words: 74,437 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 79 - Updated: Dec 16 - Published: Jan 18, 2016 - id: 11739934
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"She touched the ark and the next thing she knew she was falling into the ark, the blackness fell over her…" –TheSilentMaid, "The Ultimate Weapon"
"Well, looks like we've lost another one."
"Yup."
"You'd think these junior Unspeakables would know better. Didn't what happened to Uzzah teach them anything?"
"Get real, boss. These are good postmodern European kids; what do they want to be reading the Bible for?"
"Mm… point taken. All right, go see if you can pull her out by her hair without knocking the Ark off the pedestal – and make sure to gather up the manna if it got spilled again."
"At least he hadn't had the nightmares of the Shrieking Shake lately." –HermioneHotchner1, "The Dark Side of the Moon"
"Rough night, Sev?" said Lily sympathetically, as her friend slipped, bleary-eyed, into the chair beside her.
Severus groaned wearily. "I dreamed I was standing before an immense chocolate sundae," he said, "and pouring out all the deepest things in my heart – my most eloquent questions, my most passionate appeals – my last hope of finding pity or sympathy in Nature. And then I saw the mountain of ice cream start to roll and quiver, and knew that the thing was shaking with a lonely laughter – and the laughter was at me."
Lily wrinkled her nose. "Ugh," she said. "That's even worse than last Monday, when you were defending the citadel of Lomar against squat, hellish Eskimo Pies. Potter's Gelatosomnium spell really did a number on you, didn't it?"
Severus shrugged philosophically. "Well, it could be worse," he said. "At least I haven't seen the Shrieking Shake again since that first night."
Lily shuddered. "Point taken."
"A drab inspired by the following quote: 'Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes… just be an illusion.'" –HPFangirl71, summary to "The Weapon of Love"
"I don't know," said the young prostitute, staring up at the framed Javan quote above her bed. "It just speaks to me, somehow. It's like – magic… great power, whatever… it might be all in our minds, after all. Not so much that it really is undefeatable, but just that it's made us forget that we can and should defeat it. And if so, then maybe there's someone out there who loves us enough to overcome that illusion – to be the greater magic that defeats the one binding us. You see?"
Her brothel-mate snorted cynically. "Quite the philosopher, aren't you, honey?" she said. "Sounds like somebody wasted a good education on a common drab."
Said drab smiled sadly, and reached up to toy with a lock of her brown, bushy hair. "Yes, I've often imagined that I must have been to a good school at some point," she said. "And, crazy as it sounds, Lavender, I sometimes think you were there, too."
"Most of [the mistakes] were a single letter, a lower case that should be a capital, or a capital, that should be a lower case, a misplaced coma or a period." –Icarus1475, author's note to "Harry Potter and the New Ability"
"All right, you two!" Clotho snapped at her sisters, thrusting a withered finger at the section of their weaving corresponding to late-20th-Century wizarding Britain. "How – how – did you let this happen? Did I not leave a perfectly plain pattern for you when I went to go refresh our supply of Hvergelmir water?"
The other two Fates glanced at each other sheepishly, and shifted their feet. "Well, yes," said Lachesis, "but that charming boy Dionysus dropped in just after you left, and we may have, well… oh, Clothie, don't look at me that way! They were just little mistakes, you know…"
"Oh, certainly," Clotho hissed. "Narcissa Malfoy getting one extra letter from her sister; Hermione Granger having her period on the wrong day in December 1997; the coma that Meridia Colubra was supposed to fall into in 1987 somehow getting misplaced. All tiny, trivial details, not worth the flicker of a Moira's eyebrow – and yet, somehow, they manage to lead to Mr. Thomas M. Riddle taking over the whole of Europe and laying the groundwork for humanity's premature extinction. There's a lesson in that, don't you think?"
Her sisters whimpered with compunction, and Clotho sighed and snapped her fingers. "Right," she said. "Reverse the sheds, Atropos, and let's get cracking. I know Aristotle says that even we can't make undone the things that have been done, but I'm just ticked enough to defy that; if it makes all reality go up in a puff of logic, I'll blame you two."
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