"Well now, about the other things you reveiled, what is this about a troll, and a Basilisk?" –Icarus1495, "Harry Potter and the New Ability"

"Oh, that," said Harry. "That was a couple weeks ago. For some reason, Bellatrix Lestrange thought it would be a terrific lark to remove the Veils of Slumber from two of the DRCMC's most dangerous captive specimens; they caused quite a bit of trouble, I hear, before I could get over to the Ministry and reveil them."

Madam Bones shook her head in wonder. "Amazing," she said. "Only sixteen years old, and already the Ministry's go-to wizard for subduing rampaging monsters. You certainly can pick the good ones, can't you, Susan?"

Her niece beamed. "I try," she said.


"I am the king, or in thissss casssse the queen, of all ssssnackssss, as well as one of the most dangerous creaturessss in existence." –AlecNight, "Mother Basilisk"

"Really?" said Tom Riddle speculatively.

"Yessss," came the spasmodically hissing voice from the small, wheaten wafer before him. "Those who have tassssted Cockatriscuits agree that our flavour issss unrivaled by that of any other ssssnack food – those, at least, who ssssurvive to render a judgment. For we put up a great resisssstance to being consumed; mosssst of the foul gluttons who have attempted it have had their gulletssss torn open from within – and sssserve them right."

"I see," said Tom. "Well, then, how would you like to mosey with me over to Ravenclaw Tower? There's a foul glutton there who had the nerve to outshine me in History of Magic last week; I think he needs to be taught a good lesson, don't you?"


"He shrugged back and turned his golden gaze back to his hand that swam amongst the fish. 'There is nothing remotely remarkable about them and yet they continue to live their unremarkable lives. Nothing but consumption, fornication, defecation, and rest . . .'" –darkmorsmordreheart, "My Heart of Hearts"

"The human knows," the female goldfish whispered to her paramour.

"Knows?" he returned.

"About us," she said, with a little moan. "That an illicit liaison consumes our days – that we spend all our waking moments seeking the pleasures of carnal union, when we haven't enough courage or piety to pledge a union of our lives. That, apart from this dissolution, our lives are a mere round of eating, sleeping, and eliminating. He knows, I tell you!"

"Well, and what of it?" said the male, with a brusque wave of his fin. "Does he think his people are any better? I've seen the way the humans carry on in this park, when they think no-one sees. Such things are a fact of life these days; nobody so much as remarks on them anymore."

"And what is everyone's sin is no-one's sin?" the female demanded. "Is that what you're going to say, Karl? That we needn't strive for a perfection that our neighbours have abandoned?" She shook her head. "I can't live that way anymore. I won't be reduced to the level of Gellert Grindelwald's cynical expectations; I will live chastely, or not at all. If it makes me remarkable in the eyes of those for whom fornication has become a fact of life, then so be it." And she lashed her tail and swam away without another word.

Her spurned partner in sin stared after her for a moment, then shook his head and grunted softly. "Women…"


"'It's chicken,' he said softly. 'Dog's like chicken, right?'" –ksomm814, "Midnight Guardian"

The Cheyenne wizard gave him a long, silent look, and a realisation stole over Harry that, when you promise to fête someone in the traditional style of his ancestors, the proper thing is to do this, and not to flinch from the main course because it reminds you of your late godfather's Animagus form.

"Okay, fine," he muttered, taking back the platter of drumsticks and thighs. "I'll just freeze all this, then Apparate out to the local pound and find some nice fat terriers for us. Go ahead and help yourself to the plum-and-pemmican roll-ups while I'm gone; those are okay, at least, right?"