Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 75 - Words: 74,437 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 79 - Updated: Dec 16 - Published: Jan 18, 2016 - id: 11739934
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"He pressed a hand to the back of his head and could already feel a bump from the place where his head had collided with the cupboard door jam." –OwlPostAgain7, "World"
Ginny entered the kitchen, and laughed to see her husband wincing and rubbing his head. "Trying to kill yourself again, are you?" she said.
"I'm not," Harry retorted. "I just reached down to get a saucepan, and then made the mistake of trying to straighten up again. It wasn't my idea to have jars of jam hanging from the cupboard doors, just waiting to bean innocent wizards."
"It gives a lovely domestic feel to every witch's kitchen," Ginny said loftily. "Witch Weekly said so right on its cover last month. And anyway, it's good practice for you; the Head of the Auror Department ought to be trained to watch where he puts his skull."
"'Yeah, I can read[,] Simmons[,]' Draco snapped as he began dong as the instructions said." – OMGThePotatoQueen, "The Colors of Magic"
Stella sniffed. "Well, excuse me for trying to be helpful," she said. "I would think you'd appreciate the input of someone who's actually lived in Vietnam and seen the currency firsthand – but, if your little wizard ego says you have to do it alone with just the provided cheat sheet, be my guest."
Draco did his best to ignore her, and to focus all his attention on accurately rendering Ho Chi Minh's face in blue ink. Why the Dark Lord wanted a hundred counterfeit notes of various Southeast Asian currencies by Tuesday was anyone's guess, but so it was, and Draco didn't intend to let him down.
"I don't know why he has you starting with dong, anyway," Stella remarked. "Maybe it's just me, but I'd have thought that baht or ringgit would be a lot simpler for a beginner. But, then again, maybe that's the point: drop you into deep water, see if you can swim…"
"Simmons," said Draco, through clenched teeth, "if you don't shut up right this instant, I'm going to make a whole new kind of killing on the international currency market."
"Blasé Zabini, who was dating Pansy Parkinson." –felicia2235, "Thinking for Myself"
"So, Zab," said Nott, a knowing leer on his face. "You and La Parkinson, up in the Owlery this morning – did you do what everyone thinks you did?"
"Possibly," said Zabini, not raising his eyes from Albertus's Mineralia. "Anyway, we did what might have been logically expected of us; whether that's what everyone thinks we did, naturally, depends on whether or not everyone is logical."
Nott, somewhat wrong-footed by this response, shuffled his feet uncertainly for a minute before soldiering onward. "Yeah, I guess it does. So… was it as much fun as it looks?"
"It had its pleasurable side," said Zabini.
"I'll bet it would," said Nott, warming to his theme. "I mean, come on, it's Parkinson, right? Hottest witch north of Calais, right? More va-voom for your boom than Morgana's tomb, right?"
"Sure," said Zabini.
Nott groaned in exasperation. "Oh, come on, Zabini," he said. "What's the matter with you? If I were dating a hundred-proof babe like Pansy Parkinson, I'd be dancing on the castle rooftops right now; how can you be so blasé about it?"
This, at last, got some reaction from Zabini, in the form of a faint smirk playing about his lips. "Practice, Nott," he said. "Lots of practice."
"From my own personal understanding[,] Clementine, you come from a family with remarkable moral character and a delicious recipe for peacan pie!" –theloneisland, "The Ugly Ducking of House Black"
"Well, now, this looks scrumptious, Prongs," said Sirius, sniffing the slice of pie James had handed him. "Where'd you get it?"
"Made a deal with Clementine Jennings at the beginning of term," said James, digging into his own slice. "Each of us gets a percentage of every care package the other receives from home. Apparently her mum made split-pea soup for forty yesterday, so of course she made one of her famous pies out of the empty cans."
Sirius grinned, and stuck in his fork and took a bite. The unmistakable flavour of nutmeg, cinnamon, and crushed aluminium stole over his palate, and he sighed in ecstasy. "Lovely girl, Clementine Jennings," he said.
"Agreed," said James. "I was half tempted to let her in on our plans for your cousins' boat this afternoon, but I thought – no, better not. She's too honest and compassionate, like all the Jenningses; she wouldn't properly appreciate the aesthetic perfection of the thing."
Sirius giggled. "It will be something to see, won't it?" he said. "Bella, Cissy, and 'Dromeda, all flailing around in their soaked dress robes and shrieking curses as only they can. If they're at all in typical form, it ought to be the ugliest ducking the Black Lake's ever seen."
James smirked. "Free Jennings peacan pie, and a new school record for mayhem in the works," he said. "Not bad for a Tuesday, eh, Padfoot?"
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