Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 75 - Words: 74,437 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 79 - Updated: Dec 16 - Published: Jan 18, 2016 - id: 11739934
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"Ginny jumped and pulled the stray lock of fire-collared hair out of her mouth." –S'TarKan, "Harry Potter and the Nightmares of Futures Past"*
"Hi, Mum!" she said, whirling around and smiling broadly. "My, you're home early! Good thing I wasn't doing something questionable, like chewing on a lock of manticore hair bound with Gubraithian fire to take advantage of the combination's narcotic properties! Aren't you lucky to have the sort of honest, upright daughter who would never dream of such a thing?"
Mrs Weasley gave her a long, silent look; then, coolly, she withdrew her wand from her robes, pointed it at Ginny, and said, "Accio!"
Next moment, the lock of hair was in her hand, its collar of everlasting fire crackling merrily about her fingertips, and Ginny sank, deflated, onto the ground. "Oh, Mum, I'm sorry," she said piteously. "I knew Romilda Vane and her crowd were trouble, I really did; it's just that school's been so stressful this past year, and it felt so good to just stick that thing in my mouth and let all my worries just melt away and…" She trailed off, and cleared her throat. "So, um… how much trouble am I in?"
"[H]e was learning how to saw those awesome dresses these awesomely rich people had." –Slytherinout, "The Masks of Venice"
"Remember, Harry," said Lupin, "identify the changeling duchesses is only half the battle; you'll also need to saw their human forms in half so as to have a clear shot at their real bodies. That means sawing their clothes as well – and of course they know that, so they'll probably come to the Ball in gowns of magic fabrics transfigured from diamonds or corundum. An ordinary saw blade simply isn't going to penetrate that."
"So what do I do?" said Harry.
"Well, that's where the Aeshaettr Charm comes in," said Lupin. "A saw with this spell on it can cut through any kind of material whatsoever, from crepe paper to dragon skin. But of course that makes it extremely dangerous, and a result it's only permitted to last for a matter of seconds before wearing off. So you'll need to learn to cast it left-handed, with your saw in the other hand poised and ready for use. Ready?"
"I guess so."
"All right, then. First, take up your wand with three fingers…"
"'I don't care about searching for the Crumpled Horn Snorkack if I won't be able to be with you[,]' Luna told Neville." –chocoluvr, "Rebuilding from the Ashes"
Neville blushed. "Well, that's… that's very flattering, Luna," he said. "But the fact is, we need the Crumpled Horn Snorkack. If nothing else, we have to make sure that You-Know-Who doesn't find it before we do; can you imagine that sort of power in his hands?"
"I'm not sure I believe that it really is so powerful," said Luna thoughtfully. "If it were, how could it have gotten crumpled?"
Neville shrugged. "One of its previous owners held it too tight, I suppose," he said. "After all, it's nothing special in itself – just an ordinary horn statuette like any other. It's the power it bestows on its owner that makes it so dangerous – and so important for the D.A. to find. And that means you, Luna," he said, reaching out and squeezing her shoulders tenderly. "You're the only one among us with the necessary background and skills to have even the faintest chance. I promise you, I'll miss you just as much as you will me, but that's a sacrifice the two of us just have to make."
Luna smiled. "Oh, Neville, I do love you when you're noble," she said. "All right, then. I suppose I'd better get packed."
"Harry looked over the River Themes." –RobPHunter, "Lakeside"
"Well, dear?" said Ginny eagerly. "What do you think?"
Harry stroked his chin thoughtfully. "This one of the Volga is nice," he said. "I like the idea of Albus being sung to sleep by the boatmen on his nursery wallpaper. I'm not so sure about this Niagara one, though; wouldn't the roar of the falls be a little unnerving for a newborn baby?"
"We could always cast Silencio on it," Ginny pointed out.
"True," Harry acknowledged. "Then, let's see, there's the Jordan – I think that's a little too much; the Nile – well, the barges are pretty, anyway; the Amazon – no way I'm having piranhas swimming across my son's wall; the…" He blinked, and stared at the last River Theme. "Hang on… this one has to be a prank. Who on Earth would decorate a baby's room in an Acheron theme?"
"Draco and Viverra Malfoy," said Ginny promptly. "They were positively gushing over it as I left the store."
"Oh," said Harry. "Right, of course. I should have known."
*Again, Sorting-Head tip to thrawnca. (In general, it may be assumed that any quote from this story was one that she [?] spotted.)
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