"Hermione looked at them with pear venom in her eyes, she told them to leave her and Harry alone . . ." –Never-ending-star, "The New Life"

"Hermione?" said James with a quizzical frown. "Are you wearing contacts?"

"Don't try to change the subject, Lord Potter," said Hermione, the venom of her gaze intensifying. "When Harry was alive, you were too busy doting on Nathan or Michael or whatever his name is to give him the time of day; now that he's become a vampire and selected me as his mate, you have no right to interfere with… wait, what? Contacts?"

"Yes," said James. "I could have sworn your eyes were brown the last time I saw them. Now they're a sort of deep yellow colour – ripe pear, I think a paint shop would call it."

Hermione glanced into her bedside mirror; sure enough, a pair of unfamiliar dull-gold eyes stared back at her. "But… but that's not right," she murmured. "It doesn't make sense…"

"Oh, yes, it does," said Lily dryly. "Hallucinations of melodramatic clichés, an overweeningly insolent attitude toward authority figures, and a novel eye colour that doesn't occur in Nature? A classic case of incipient Mary Sue's Disease, or I've never seen one. Off to the hospital wing with you, young lady, and don't breathe on any attractive Slytherins en route."


"His eyes drift close." –HP Slash Luv, "Trapped"

"Almost there, Colin," said Dennis Creevey, his empty eye sockets quivering with suppressed glee. "This is a great spell you found, you know that? I didn't even realise it was possible to separate one's eyes from one's body and set them drifting through the air wherever one likes."

Colin grinned. "Yes, I reckon I owe Miss Skeeter a favour for having pointed that one out to me," he said. "So you're almost to the girls' dormitory, then?"

"Pretty close," said Dennis. "Just let me squeeze under the door – okay, I'm in." He frowned. "Huh. Not as exciting as I thought it would be, honestly. Just a bunch of girls hanging out in dressing gowns; no wild sorority-type shenanigans like we were… oh. Oh, wait a minute."

"What?" said Colin.

Dennis hesitated. "I'm not sure," he said. "I'm not an expert lip-reader, you understand – but it looks as though Lavender and Parvati somehow inveigled Hermione into a game of Truth or Dare, and now they're telling her that she has to let them strip her naked and paint 'Gregory Goyle's Gryffindor Girl-Toy' on her midriff." He shook his head. "Savage lot, these fifth years, eh, Colin?"

But Colin didn't respond. He had leapt to his feet and gone racing down the corridors, crying out for his camera and an owl.


"Hermione's burrow frowned, showing her clear disagreement with his words." –KingJoia, "Parents"

"Disagree all you want, Hermione," said Harry, "but the fact remains that you do still have something to contribute to the wizarding world. Just because you've been permanently transfigured into a naked mole-rat, that doesn't give you the right to go hide underground forever and only communicate with others by magically changing the shape of your burrow's mouth."

Said mouth straightened itself into a perfectly horizontal line, and Harry gave himself a mental pat on the back. It wasn't quite a smile of agreement yet, but it was better than a frown. "Besides," he continued, "if you never come out of that hole of yours, you won't be able to watch when we go give your curse's caster the payback he deserves. Don't you want to see Shrew Malfoy fleeing in terror from your own cat? I know I would, if he'd turned me into…"

He broke off abruptly, and bridled in sudden anger; then he relaxed as quickly, as the true meaning of the pink, fleshy shape emerging from the burrow dawned on him. "Oh, Hermione, it's you," he said. "Wicked. Sorry, I thought for a second that you were sticking your tongue out at me."


"Hermione's body rolled into the water, and was picked up and carried away with the currant." –Midnite At Noon, "So We Meet Again"

"Hermione's really having a rough chapter this time out, isn't she?" Ron remarked to his fellow mourners.

Ginny elbowed him in the ribs. "Don't break the fourth wall at a funeral, Ron," she whispered. "It's not respectful."

"Right, sorry," said Ron. "So what's the idea, anyway, behind throwing a currant into the water and letting it float away with her body? I know it's always done when a wizard's buried at sea, but I've never understood why."

"It's for when she reaches the Pearly Gates," said Luna. "A gift for St Peter. He likes to make fruitcakes."

Ron considered this, and then shook his head. "I think I must be spending too much time with you, Luna," he said. "That actually made sense to me."