Chapter 20

Kaidan slowly made his way back to the Normandy, reflecting on the decision he had made. He had felt that perhaps it was time to start getting his life back in order. He had spent the last half of his life going from one planet to another. One colony to another. He had been running from what had occurred in his past for too long. He had found a sense of direction in the last year, but even then he felt like he wasn't where he needed to be.

Though he wondered if his next step was where he should be too. He frowned to himself a bit. He had felt that perhaps with Shepard he could find meaning in his life. He didn't grudge her for turning him down but it did help him realize that he needed to find his place. In a way he was thankful for that.

The last year with Shepard, even Garrus, Tali and Wrex had been the best year of his life. But he knew he didn't want to spend the rest of his life as a mercenary either. He knew that with Sigma he had been able to do some good, but he wanted to do even more. So he had made a decision. He could only hope it was the right decision.

He did fret telling Shepard about his choice. He wondered how she would take it. She was a good person. Understanding even. She was kind when the time called for it. She had treated everyone under her command with dignity and respect. Treated everyone kindly, made sure they had what they needed. But he felt that he needed to learn to depend on himself now. He chuckled to himself realizing he had come to this conclusion a little late in life. But he supposed better late than never.

Once he was on the Normandy he headed down to the cargo bay so he could store away his things. He had spotted Garrus over working with another crewman on the ground vehicle, Ashley working away at her station and Wrex sat in a corner, apparently taking a nap. No doubt recovering from a night of Ryncol. He didn't see any signs of Tali, but it was still early morning. The crew wasn't fully expected back on post for another couple hours.

He threw his duffle bag in his locker, deciding he'd unpack his stuff later before he stood, looking around. "Hey, Alenko, Shepard was looking for you here a bit ago." Ashley said from her work bench. Kaidan gave the woman a small smile and a nod. He supposed it would be better to face the music now than later.

"Where is she?" He asked.

Ashley grinned some. "If she's not in plain sight I'd assume she's with Liara. Those two were practically inseparable this weekend from what I understand." Ashley said. She loved gossip a little too much.

Kaidan chuckled some but nodded. He decided to head up to the crew deck to see if he could find Shepard. It didn't take long to reach the crew deck and he circled around the elevator, spotting Shepard nursing a cup of coffee and some toast, looking over a data pad at one of the tables. "Shepard, you wanted to see me?" He asked as he approached the table, sitting across from her.

She looked up at him with tired eyes, but smiled some. "There you are. I was starting to wonder if you ran away with some beautiful woman you found over the last two days." She teased as he laughed. He knew she was trying to be light hearted with him, but he didn't think he could manage to run off with a woman he barely knew. Then again he supposed he did do just that with Shepard a year ago.

"Anderson said he could give you access to some biotic training videos, if you were interested." Shepard said as she dug an OSD out of her cargo shorts, scooting it across the table to Kaidan. Kaidan took the disc, looking it over before he sighed. "Also I got us all some assignments for around the ship. Or off the ship. You're going to be apart of the ground team." She added before she took a sip of her coffee, looking over her data pad again.

Kaidan nodded some as he pocketed the disc. "I actually need to talk to you, too." He then said as she perked a brow. She looked to the man, seeing the nervousness on his face. She looked concerned as she sat the data pad down, giving him her full attention.

"What's up?" She asked. He rubbed the back of his neck trying to find the right words now. He knew he didn't need to feel so anxious... But some small part of him worried if Shepard would get angry over his news.

He took a steadying breath, looking at Shepard. "I spent the last two days thinking. And I appreciate everything you've done for me. Letting me be apart of Sigma has been the best year of my life. A little shaky a few times but... I don't regret it, and I'm happy you let me be part of your crew." He began. Shepard gave him an almost sad look, which threw him off. But she could see where this was going.

"But you want to go your own way?" She asked. She couldn't help but wonder if this had to do with her turning him down when he tried to ask her out. But she shook that off just as quickly. She knew Kaidan wasn't like that. He wasn't that type of person.

He nodded some and sighed heavily. "I've been trying to find my path for a long time. I never really belonged anywhere. And I don't think being a merc is best for me either." He admitted. Shepard gave him a sad smile but nodded her understanding. "I've talked with an Alliance recruiter and I think I'm going to pursue it." He went on.

She sighed herself. She hated to see Kaidan go, but she supposed she could understand. "I may not entirely like the Alliance but... Having gotten to know a couple of them, I can see why you'd want to join. I guess they aren't all bad." Shepard replied, much to Kaidan's relief. Shepard then gave him a more genuine smile. "You need to do what's best for you, Kaidan. I'd hate to see you go, but I won't hold you back either." She then said.

Kaidan gave her a relieved chuckle. "Honestly, you have no idea how relieving it is to hear you say that." He admitted. Shepard chuckled some but shrugged. She herself had started to wonder where her own life was going. Eden Prime seemed to have upheaved a lot of things for her crew.

She took another sip of her coffee. "So are you leaving now?" She asked. She meant no ill will when asking. But if Kaidan had planned to leave now she would have to speak with Anderson about how best to fill the spot. As depressing of an idea as that were.

Kaidan shook his head however. "I plan to stick this through. After we've dealt with Saren and the geth... I'll start whatever process there is for joining." Kaidan said.

Shepard gave him a half grin. "So we get to torment you for a little while longer at least." She quipped as he laughed. He honestly felt better now that this was out in the open. Shepard also seemed to be alright with it, which was even better.


Shepard waited for her crew to gather in the cargo bay. Including Liara. She had some things that needed saying. A crew meeting if she could call it that. She held a data pad going through her notes on what she needed to address as she waited for everyone. Wrex and Garrus were already present, but Shepard had to time this thing just right. Tali had began her first shift in engineering, and Kaidan was going over his recruiting stuff in the crew quarters.

Liara showed up before the other two did, looking at Shepard a bit bashfully. Shepard cleared her throat, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks, remembering how she had nearly kissed Liara yesterday morning. The ship was already in flight, apparently heading for the good old Sol System. Anderson had briefed Shepard and Pressly on some problems on Luna, Earth's moon. Anderson had requested Shepard take the ground team and assess the situation.

"The others should be here soon." Shepard assured Wrex, Garrus and Liara. She and Liara had made eye contact for a brief moment but Liara had broken it first. Shepard had kept herself busy since yesterday morning, and the subtle hint of worry on Liara's face made Shepard concerned. She had been busy trying to get their new gear together, while speaking with Anderson, and making sure her crew had showed up on the ship at the correct time this morning. She hadn't intentionally avoided Liara but she wondered if that's what Liara had thought.

Finally Tali emerged from engineering just as Kaidan stepped out of the elevator. Tali had an extra bit of spunk in her step. She must have been happy with her first day as an assistant engineer on the Normandy. Shepard couldn't help but smile as Tali walked with a sense of excitement and purpose. Kaidan was also looking pretty content. His video call must have gone well.

"Alright, now that we're all here." Shepard began, looking over her crew who gathered before her. "As you all know I managed to finally get you all something to do. I guess they'll post the schedules for your shifts on the bulletin board in the mess hall with the other crew shifts." Shepard started as she looked over her list.

"For now I'll be leading ground missions I guess... At least until Anderson is back on his feet. So I chose our ground team. You're all on the roster, so is Ashley Williams. I've seen her in combat, she's pretty damned good." Shepard continued. She then shoved her data pad in the side pocket of her shorts. She sighed as she looked to Kaidan. She had asked if it was alright for the others to know he was leaving or not earlier in the day, and he agreed that it would be fine.

"Kaidan here has decided that after we deal with Saren he's going to part ways with the crew." She said, sounding a bit sad, but trying to cover it with her "command mode" as she called it.

Garrus looked surprised, and Tali turned to Kaidan. "What? Why?" Tali asked as Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. "It's not gonna be the same without you." She then went on saddly. He tried to pat the quarian on her shoulder, feeling bad that he was doing this. He would miss the small crew, but he always supposed he could keep in touch too.

"I just need to find my place is all. I care about all of you, I just think it's time I moved on." He said.

Garrus gave the man a bit of a grin. "But who's going to do all the kitchen duties?" He tried to joke. Kaidan laughed and shook his head.

Tali suddenly hugged the man as Shepard couldn't help but repeat the words he had just spoken in her head. I need to find my place. She thought to herself. She looked over to Liara who had been watching the situation in silence. But Liara then looked to Shepard. Nicole couldn't help but give the asari a small smile. Liara seemed to relax a bit as she smiled back at the human.

"Alright, we're heading to the Sol System right now. I guess the Alliance has tasked Anderson with dealing with a VI gone rogue on some training facility on Luna." Shepard began as everyone settled down again. "With Anderson out of commission for a while he asked me to help lead the squad going down to deal with it. Wrex, Liara, you'll be coming with. Ash will be joining us too." Shepard informed.

Wrex pounded his fist into his palm. "About time I have something to do." He said with a toothy grin. Everyone chuckled a bit. As long as Wrex was happy, Shepard figured.

She then looked behind herself at a crate that was full of the equipment she had acquired for everyone. She had spent a majority of yesterday getting everything together. "Alright, one more thing. I managed to get us some new stuff that should help us deal with Saren and the geth." She said as she turned, opening the crate.

She began handing out cases to everyone. "I got Kaidan, Liara, Garrus and I some new armor and weapons. Tali and Wrex I got you some new weapons and armor mods." She said as she handed them their new items.

Kaidan opened the case holding his armor, his eyes widening. "Shepard, is this Collosus armor?" He asked. Shepard beamed at him with pride, knowing how hard it was to usually get this stuff.

"Hell ya. With having the Counsel as a connection it was pretty simple to get." She replied as she then grabbed Liara's case of armor, passing it to the asari. Liara opened the case, seeing the same armor as Kaidan's, noting the Sigma symbol Shepard had on her old armor. She flushed, realizing in this moment Shepard had really accepted Liara as her crew. And had respected her wishes to participate in ground missions. She couldn't help but trace her fingers over the symbol on the arm of her new armor.

In a way she had cherished this. "Alright, you guys are free to do whatever. We should be in Sol by morning." Shepard said. Wrex took his new shotgun, looking at it happily as Kaidan moved over to his locker, stowing away his new gear.

Garrus clapped Shepard on the shoulder, holding up his new sniper, a turian smirk on his face. "This is great, thanks Shepard." He said sounding quite happy as well. Shepard smirked at the turian herself nodding her head.

"Can't have my best sharpshooter running around with an outdated gun." She quipped as he laughed, moving to check out his new gun a bit closer.

Tali was looking over her new shot gun, before she practically bounced in excitement, hugging Shepard. Shepard laughed some as she hugged Tali back before the quarian ran off, catching up with Garrus as they began to talk amongst themselves.

Shepard approached Liara, who was looking over her new weapons. "When we go ground side tomorrow..." Shepard started. Liara looked up at the mercenary. Liara's face was almost unreadable. "Just be careful, and keep sharp." Shepard said, sounding worried.

Liara put her items back in their cases with care, closing them up. "I wanted to say sorry about yesterday, Nicole." Liara said.

This took Shepard by surprise. "What do you have to be sorry for?" She asked. Shepard wracked her brain trying to think of the day before. She couldn't think of anything Liara had done to warrant an apology. Still, she looked at the prothean expert with concern and confusion.

Liara's cheeks flushed slightly, staring at the armor case in her hands. "I know you want to take things slowly. I did not mean to..." She trailed off feeling her chest tighten some. "I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable." She said. Shepard looked a little more surprised.

Shepard carefully took the armor case from Liara, setting it back in the crate for the time being. "You didn't make me feel uncomfortable, Li. Why would you think you did?" Shepard asked as she stood back in front of the asari.

"I do not know what your intentions were before Dr. Chakwas walked into the med bay, but you looked uncomfortable after." Liara said. Shepard's heart ached at that. She gently grabbed Liara's hand, tugging her off to a more private area to speak.

Liara blinked as she was lead to the elevator by her hand, albeit gently. When the elevator door closed the silence that followed made Liara feel even more unsure. When they arrived on the crew deck, Shepard motioned for Liara to follow her. "We can talk more privately in your room." Shepard said with an assuring smile, which put Liara's fears more at rest.

Once they reached Liara's room Shepard sat on the edge of the asari's cot, patting the spot next to her. Once Liara sat down Shepard grabbed the asari's hand, intertwining their fingers as she looked at Liara a little more seriously. "You didn't make me uncomfortable. You shouldn't have to feel sorry." Shepard said. Liara seemed to understand as she nodded.

Liara gave a look of thought. "Admittedly, this is all new to me. I have never been with someone." She paused and then flushed. "That is, I have never been romantically involved. No that sounds worse." Liara fretted as Shepard couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Relax, Li. It's ok if you've never been involved with someone. I'm not about to hold that against you." Shepard said as Liara flushed. Shepard smiled at her assuringly, rubbing the back of Liara's hand with her thumb.

But the smile quickly faded to worry. "Listen, tomorrow is going to be dangerous. I want you to stick close, keep your biotics on the ready." Shepard started as Liara listened carefully. The corners of Shepard's lips tugged into a slight frown. "I might be a bit rough out there, but I need you to follow my lead and orders. I don't want you to get hurt." Shepard finished.

Liara nodded her head in understanding. "I will do as you say, Nicole. I am sure it will be fine." Liara assured before leaning against the mercenary. If Liara were to be honest she was terrified of what was to come tomorrow. But she was settled on doing this. Shepard wrapped her arm around Liara's shoulders as they sat there in silence.

Chakwas words replayed in her mind. But Shepard sighed. She didn't know what to do in the moment. She wanted to keep Liara safe, beg her to stay on the ship. Yet she knew she couldn't tell Liara what to do. She was just at a loss.


Oh look a second chapter =o

I dunno I felt like my last chapter was perhaps not the best, so I set to work on the next one to make up for it. I didn't think I'd finish it so quickly lol.

Next up, Luna!