Chapter 26
The scene Shepard and her squad came in on was bad. The salarian team, including Ashley and Garrus were practically pinned to a corner of the roof top. "Lets give them some cover fire!" Shepard hollered over the sounds of gunfire and the occasional explosive. Her squad quickly fanned off, taking the geth by surprise from behind, picking off a small handful before the geth realized what was happening.
Shepard quickly ducked behind some rather abused looking cover, riddled with bullet holes and chipped away near the top as she grabbed a grenade of her own. She quickly glanced over the top of her cover before tossing the grenade towards a group of three geth. It exploded on impact, sending chunks of metal and artificial limbs every which way.
Shepard took another quick look over her cover, trying to spot Ashley and Garrus, make sure they were still alive and breathing. Her mind temporarily wandered back to Kaidan, alone against god knows how many geth with a nuke right next to him. Her heart ached for the briefest of seconds. No, if she could help it no one else would have to die today.
"Shepard!" Tali called out over the comms. "Above us!" the young quarian practically yelped. Shepard felt confusion rise as she looked above them, and through the smoke she could see him. A turian on what appeared to be a hovering platform, zeroing in on her position.
Shepard let out a curse as she raised her assault rifle, spraying off the rounds, watching as they flickered off his shields almost harmlessly. "Shit, shit!" Shepard cursed once again as she scrambled out of her cover, hurling another grenade behind herself to hopefully keep Saren distracted. Just where the hell did he come from anyway?
Shepard slid behind new cover, unsure if her grenade even came anywhere close to Saren. Admittedly it was a wild throw to get herself to better ground. She gripped her rifle closer as she dared to peak around the corner. Mistakes were made she thought to herself as she found herself face to face with the ex spectre, who quickly reached out, grabbing her by the throat, squeezing hard on her windpipe.
Her eyes went wide, feeling her air flow being cut off. In that same moment, having been caught so off guard, Saren grabbed her rifle with his free hand, ripping it away from her before tossing it away from them both. "You are becoming a nuisance, Shepard." He growled as his grip on her throat continued to tighten. She felt herself get lifted up into the air, almost as though he were boasting his superior strength to her own.
Shepard clutched at his arm, kicking her feet in the air, trying to catch even just a small ounce of air, but it was futile. "Apparently that pathetic pest Anderson has taught you well. But I will end this. Neither he nor you will get in my way." Saren continued to growl at Shepard. Her mouth moved but nothing escaped her throat, and nothing entered either. Her blood began to scream for oxygen, her limbs burning, her head spinning.
Shepard thrashed in his hold, trying to break free, trying to call for help, anything, her body feeling like it was starting to wind in on itself under the lack of oxygen. Then, when Shepard felt like she was about to pass out, an angelic voice rang out, lighting Shepard up with hope. "Get your hands off of her you bastard!" Liara's voice filled Shepard's ears. An answer to a prayer she had no idea she had in that moment.
Suddenly Saren's talons left her throat, Shepard falling hard on hands and knees. Saren ripped away by a biotic field, finding himself caught off guard as he flew through the air. Shepard took staggering gasps before wheezing, hard coughs stung in her throat. "Nicole!" Liara's voice once again pierced through every other sound around them as Shepard clutched at her own throat, still trying to get oxygen back into her lungs, her coughing uncontrollable.
Liara quickly helped Shepard to her feet as they both made their way back behind Shepard's last cover. Shepard swallowed hard, relieved to finally have oxygen in her system once again as she gripped Liara's arms in support, her body shaking. "Deep steady breaths, Nicole." Liara tried to instruct, but Shepard could hear the panic in Liara's tone. Shepard nodded as she tried to take said deep steady breaths.
Shepard looked up into concerned oceanic blue eyes, but the moment of relief did not last. Shepard's eyes went wide as Saren came back into view, talons outstretched as he grasped the back of Liara's armor swiftly. "Liara!" Shepard called out as the young asari was hurled by pure strength alone.
Shepard's entire being flew on instinct, getting to her feet to go after Liara, but she was suddenly knocked back down, just in time to see Liara's shocked expression before she rolled over the edge. "No!" Shepard shouted, trying to get back to her feet again, only to be grabbed by the front of her armor by Saren.
Shepard gave Saren the most intimidating look of her life. Yet he seemed unphased. "You were supposed to protect the galaxy!" Shepard yelled in her face, gripping at his arm once more. "Why the hell are you bringing about it's extinction?!" She demanded. She needed answers. She needed them now. The images from the beacon flooded her mind once more, the emotions from the protheans now long dead, the images of death and destrucion. The words from Sovereign bounced around in her memory, the impending death of one of her crew.
He looked her dead in the eyes. His face a mixture of rage and yet indifference. It was all just so damned unsettling. "Answer me you asshole!" Shepard shouted, catching a glimpse of Liara barely hanging onto the ledge. She felt both panic and relief. Panic that Liara could fall off at any second, but relieved that she was still hanging on. Shepard wanted to call out to her, but she dared not risk bringing Saren's attention back to the asari.
Saren's mandibles flared as he watched the human in his grasp. "You can't possibly understand what's at stake." he said almost calmly. "The Reapers are coming. It's only a matter of time. I am bridging a union between us and them. Perhaps we all won't have to die." Saren said, as if it were the most logical thing in the world. It only served to enrage Shepard further.
She suddenly whipped out her Carnifex, pressing it hard against Saren's gut before pulling the trigger. He shouted out in pain as he dropped her once more. She didn't give it a second thought as she smashed her gun into his face, distracting him long enough to make a run for the edge where Liara precariously hung.
Quickly holstering her pistol Shepard did a dive, sliding to the edge on her stomach as she reached for Liara. Just as Shepard reached out Liara yelped, losing her grip, but before she could fall more than half an inch Shepard caught her by her arms "Liara! Hang on!" Shepard called out. Saren could be heard roaring in anger from behind them, but Shepard ignored it, keeping her grip on Liara tight.
"We're slipping!" Liara called back up at Shepard, who gritted her teeth. Liara tried to grip onto Shepard's arms as well while Shepard tried to look over her shoulder, see who was closest to help. She could barely see Saren stammering back onto his hovering platform before she spotted Wrex running over to them, a bit bloodied himself as he chucked a geth head aside.
"Wrex!" Shepard called out in a panic, feeling her own body starting to slide further over the edge. Shepard could see just how far the drop was. They would die instantly once they'd hit the ground if they fell over now. Emerald eyes locked onto the pleading blue ones below her, both trying desperately to hang onto one another to keep from plummeting to their deaths.
Shepard could feel Wrex grab hold of her by her sides as he grunted, heaving with everything he had to pull the two women back to safety. After both of them cleared the edge and back on stable ground Shepard fell to her back. Just in time to hear the base's alarms start to blare all around them. "Normandy, we need an immediate evac!" Shepard could hear Ashley calling over the alarms.
Liara had collapsed atop of Shepard, both of them panting as they tried to recollect themselves from what had just occurred. "Roger that, we're almost there!" Joker said through the comm links. Shepard quickly pushed herself up, bringing Liara up with her. Liara nodded her head as Shepard gave her a once over, noting that they were both still in one piece.
"Everyone fall back, we're leaving!" Shepard called out, watching the salarians as they crowded around her, along with Ashley, Wrex, Garrus, Tali and of course Liara. Shepard looked towards where the bomb site was. "Kaidan! Kaidan are you there?" Shepard then tried to call through the comms.
There was a pause as she could see the Normandy coming into view. Maybe they still had time. "You guys have five minutes to clear atmo, this thing is about to blow." Kaidan's voice came through weakly. Shepard felt her heart drop. She never liked losing people, and honestly she had been lucky. She hadn't lost anyone in so long, but now she was about to lose one of her own.
Shepard watched the Normandy come into position, cargo bay door open as everyone startled to pile into the ship. "Kaidan, I'm so sorry." Shepard said just as weakly, almost unable to follow the others onto the Alliance ship. But she managed to drag her heavy feeling feet into the ship behind the rest of the ground team.
"It's ok. I know you well enough, don't blame yourself. Just stop him." Kaidan said before the comms began to crackle, more gunfire could be heard before the line went dead. Shepard could hear the cargo bay door close behind her. Her heart pounded, her stomach flopped and she felt like she was about to throw up from the stress of the day.
She pushed past the small crowd, feeling the need to go to bridge, see what was about to happen herself. She willed for the elevator to go faster, having left everyone else behind, and then rushed up the stairs and down the CIC before entering the cockpit, where Joker frantically flew the ship to higher altitudes, trying to escape the incoming blast.
Just as Shepard reached the small view port she could see the bright flash from the planet surface, engulfing a rather large circumference of the area they were in just mere moments ago. Shepard felt her stomach flop once more, knowing they had just abandoned Kaidan down there, that he was now gone. Never to be seen or heard from again.
It was like a new battle erupted within her very being. Part of her just wanted to break down right there for one of her closest friends, and the other part of her filled with rage, wishing she had killed Saren when she had the chance. Joker turned to face the mercenary, knowing one of her crew had just died in that blast. "Shepard..?" He started. But the look on her face was unreadable. She simply shook her head in response as she turned and marched down the CIC once more, heading back in the direction she just came from.
Joker just sighed as he turned back to his console. He didn't know Kaidan all that well himself, but he still felt like shit having just left someone to die without even trying to sweep in for a pick up.
"Has anyone seen Shepard?" Anderson questioned, the entire ground team gathered in the briefing room. He looked over the gathered crew, mostly comprised of Shepard's crew, aside from Ashley. Most of them looked solemn, shaking their heads.
Wrex leaned against one of the rails in the room. "She just lost a man. I know the kid well enough, she's probably wanting to be left alone." He said. The Captain sighed as he nodded his head in response. He knew what it felt like to lose someone under your command. But she wasn't part of his crew officially. He couldn't force her to be here for the briefing.
He looked to the rest of them however. "I know we just lost a man, but I need to know what happened down there." He said rather gently. He was a man of understanding. He knew when to push and when to be compassionate. Right now compassion was in need. In part he felt grateful that Ashley was sparred, being one of the Alliance. But he also felt responsible for Kaidan's death in a way. Shepard may have been his leader, but they were all under Anderson's roof now, so to speak.
And he listened as they all gave him the details of the mission. He just listened, asked questions when it was appropriate, and when the time came, dismissed them. When the ground team left he ordered Joker to the Arcturus, needing to resupply and likely face the music about Virmire with Admiral Hackett. Not that he would be in any trouble. Still it would be hard to explain how Saren was able to get away when they were so close to catching him.
But Anderson could see Shepard's reasoning. Dr. T'soni explained that Saren got away because Shepard ended up saving the asari's life in the end. And it wasn't like Shepard or Liara had hidden their growing relationship from anyone. They weren't military, they had no reason to hide it. But it did make Anderson wonder, logically, if this would impair Shepard's ability to lead the ground team. Then again she had managed to accomplish a lot of Virmire from the sounds of it. He sighed and shook his head.
He would hold judgment on that for the time being. For now he had a report to fill out.
Liara had looked all over the ship. She could not find Shepard anywhere. But she knew Shepard had to of been somewhere on the Normandy. She had grown concerned when Shepard had not said a word to anyone after Virmire. Never showed up for the debrief, Shepard had also skipped dinner, and there were no messages on Liara's omni-tool.
She had informed the others, saying she had not seen Shepard all night, not since Virmire. Tali and Garrus were on the search, until finally Liara's personal comm came to life. "Liara, I think we found her." Garrus said over the private channel. "She's hiding in the mako, the door is locked and encrypted, we can't get in and she's unresponsive. She might respond to you though." Garrus suggested as Liara stepped out of the med bay. Liara frowned, her heart aching for Shepard. She had come to know the human well enough, Shepard did not deal well with the idea of losing someone... Actually losing them? Liara could not imagine Shepard was coping with the situation at all.
She entered the elevator, heading for the cargo bay. "I am on my way." Liara said as she paced the small space, wishing the elevator would move faster. She did not know if Nicole would respond to even her, but she had to try. She would not let Shepard deal with this alone if she could help it.
Once the elevator came to a stop, door opening Liara could see Garrus and Tali standing outside of the mako, still trying to either get in or get Shepard to come out. "Thank the spirits, we still can't get her to respond." Garrus said as Tali shut off her omni-tool, giving up on unlocking the mako door.
"This is bad, Liara... I know she's upset, but she shouldn't be alone." Tali agreed as Liara stepped up to the mako, holding her left arm with her right hand. She could only hope she could do something for Nicole. Even if it meant just sitting with her in silence. Make sure she was at least ok.
Liara approached the mako door after Garrus and Tali stepped aside, reaching up to knock on the metal plating. "Nicole, it's Liara. Please let me in?" She said loudy, hoping Shepard could hear her inside the vehicle. With how thick the armor plating was, she was not sure if sound would carry through the outer walls of the vehicle. When there was no response Liara brought up her omni-tool.
Please, Nicole, let me in...
Liara starred at the message box, waiting, hoping for a response. It took a few minutes, but Liara was willing to wait her out. Even if it was a simple go away, at least Liara would know she was alright.
I've been drinking.
Liara looked at the response and frowned. She was not upset that Nicole had been drinking, as much as Nicole did not seem to be coping in a healthy manner. This was somewhat expected.
That is ok. I just want to make sure you are... well alright. Everyone is worried... I am worried.
Liara sent the message as she looked to Tali and Garrus, nodding her head, as if saying she had it from here. She did not want Nicole to feel rushed, or crowded if she did come out. Or at the least let Liara in.
And answering Liara's hopes, the mako door clicked loudly, the control panel turning green, allowing her entrance. Liara pressed the button, the door sliding open before she crawled into the military grade rover. Liara made sure to close the door behind her before she took in the sight before her.
There, on the floor, in a crumpled mess was Shepard. She wore her tank top, but still wore the leggings of her armor, the rest of her armor scattered about. Shepard held a bottle of what looked like human alcohol, her red hair a mess, and dark puffy circles around her eyes. Signs she had cried. Liara felt her heart sink at the sight, but she did not say anything. She would not rush the mercenary.
Liara made her way next to Shepard before seating herself on the floor, back resting against the wall. Shepard took another unhealthy gulp of her alcohol, feeling it burn the back of her raw throat. Then Shepard lowered the bottle, looking down at the floor, her head spinning from the effects of her drinking. The mercenary felt sluggish, her vision far from clear, and her thoughts less than organized. All she could manage to do was slump against the wall.
"I can't do this." Shepard's words were slurred. Liara looked to the woman at her side, tilting her head in some confusion.
"Cannot do what?" Liara pressed gently. Shepard scoffed as she threw both hands up, spilling her near empty bottle onto the floor.
She motioned around them, her movements not nearly as graceful as they normally would be. "Any of this!" She almost shouted, losing her balance as she caught herself on her right hand. Liara reached out, as though to catch her, but stopped when Shepard sluggishly pushed Liara's hands away, managing to get herself upright again. "Who the fuck was I.. I kidding?" Shepard barked again, the anger and the anguish in her voice.
Liara just watched and listened. She would speak when she felt the time was right. For now, Nicole needed to air out her feelings. Shepard looked like she was about to lose her balance once more, but managed to catch herself before she could. "I'm no soldier, I'm no.. n-o heroe." Shepard said more softly. "I couldn't even protect K-Kaidan, how am I supposed to protect anyone else?" Her words ran together almost too quickly for Liara to catch. "How am I.. s-suposed to protect you?" She asked, her words still stuttering due to her intoxication, jabbing a finger a bit roughly into Liara's collarbone.
Liara frowned, but ignored the discomfort the jab had caused. "Nicole, what happened was not your fault." Liara said, her voice gentle, quiet. "You cannot expect to be able to protect everyone. You did the best you could." Liara continued.
Shepard scoffed again before she managed to lay herself onto her side, forcefully shoving the spilled bottle away from her. "What am-I supposed to do if I lose you next?" she asked, covering her head with her arms, almost ready to sob at just the thought of it alone. "I'm damned u-useless." She hiccuped.
Liara sighed as she moved over to Shepard, moving her arms away from her head and lifting her face so that they could look each other in the eye. Or as best they could with Shepard's current state. "Do not speak of yourself that way." Liara said firmly. Shepard blinked up at the asari. "I will not have you beating yourself up like this, and neither would Kaidan." Liara continued.
Shepard's eyes began to water up. "Come. You need to get cleaned up. And then you are going to attempt to eat something and then you will get some rest. It will hurt less in the morning." Liara said as she reached out with both hands, to help Shepard to her feet.
Shepard stumbled, but caught herself against Liara. The asari allowed Shepard to use her as support, Liara leading her back out of the mako. "I do... I don't deserve you." Shepard then said, her tone sounding pained. Liara put an arm around Shepard's waist to give her extra support.
The asari then shook her head as they slowly stumbled towards the elevator. "Hush. No more talking this way." Liara said more gently. "Once you have rested we will speak in the morning. You are not at fault for Kaidan's death and I do not want to hear you blaming yourself." Liara then said as they got into the elevator.
Liara then carefully reached up, wiping away a tear from Nicole's cheek with her thumb. "I know you are hurting. I will never judge you for that. But I would not tolerate anyone else treating you so poorly, so I will not tolerate you treating yourself this way." Liara went on. Shepard just nodded, falling silent for the rest of the ride to the crew deck.
Once Liara made sure Shepard was cleaned up, had eaten as much as she could handle under the circumstance, she had helped Shepard into bed in her little storage room. "Please don't leave." Shepard said meekly, feeling a little more sobered by this point.
Liara leaned in, kissing Shepard's temple. "I will not leave if you do not want me to. But I do need to get myself cleaned up." Liara said comfortingly. Shepard nodded as Liara covered her with the blanket. "I will be back shortly. Try to sleep." Liara then said before the door slid shut behind her.
Sleep did not come easily for Shepard either. After she had managed to fall asleep, that was when she had experienced the visions in her dreams first hand. In her still half drunken state she could not understand the visions clearly, but it made her snap awake all the same, shouting out in panic. It finally dawned on Shepard why Liara had such a hard time coping with the visions in that instant. And it was all Liara could do to try and soothe the human back to sleep.
