Chapter 27
Shepard stood in the cargo bay, watching as her small crew began to gather around her. Liara had already been there with her when Nicole had sent the call for her crew to gather. Shepard felt she owed it to them, and to Kaidan, to hold a small service. If you could call it a service. Shepard wasn't entirely sure what she was going to say. Yet she knew that her crew may have wanted to say some things at least.
Shepard looked to her left side, seeing Liara standing there. The back of Liara's hand bumped into the palm of Shepard's and the human felt Liara's slender fingers slide between her own carefully. Shepard sighed quietly to herself as she accepted the silent gesture as she interlaced her fingers with Liara's, taking the offered support.
Garrus and Wrex showed up first, both offering silent nods. Wrex had taken to standing against a bulkhead, it seemed a little distant, but still close enough to be apart of the gathering. Perhaps it was his way to offer Shepard support. Krogan didn't treat the death of a comrade or friend the same as the majority of the galaxy. They honored their dead in a completely different way, almost ritualistically violent or with songs or stories of battle.
It didn't take long for Shepard to spot Tali coming out of the engine room, almost trotting to catch up with the rest of the group. "I'm sorry if I'm late..." Tali said, her body language clearly stating she was still upset herself about yesterday's events. She had probably taken this about as roughly as Shepard, minus the drinking. Tali's people were social by nature. Given they all lived in such close proximity to one another in the flotilla they had to be. Losing someone didn't just mean losing a comrade or shipmate, it meant losing a member of your family to the quarians.
Shepard gave the young quarian a small smile and shook her head. "It's alright, Tali." Shepard stated as she squeezed Liara's hand maybe a little too tightly. Shepard could feel her heart sink in an instant, and her instincts told her to run from this situation. Avoid it, no one wants to hear about it. It was Shepard's fault wasn't it? Who could blame them if they were even angry with her in the end.
Liara looked to Shepard, squeezing back however, giving her a small smile. Shepard took a deep breath, trying to calm her sudden flare of anxiety. Liara's face was calm, and above all, assuring to the mercenary. Shepard nodded and blew out a short breathe. "Sorry for barging in." another voice halted Shepard from saying anything herself. The merc looked over seeing Ashley cautiously stepping up closer to the small gathering. "I know I'm not one of your crew but... I have fought with all of you... Could I join you? I had gotten to know Kaidan a little..." Shepard held up her free hand and smiled at the marine.
"It's alright, Ash. Yes, you can join us." Ashley smiled back a little and stepped into the small circle. Garrus and Wrex looked stoic as ever, but Shepard could see it in Tali, Ash and even Liara, the somberness of it all. Shepard even felt it within herself. She nodded to herself as she tried to regain the lost thought she had mere seconds ago.
Shepard looked up to everyone, still clutching at Liara's fingers between her own. "I know I wasn't at my best yesterday. I'm sorry for that. I... There's no real excuse, I should have been there for all of you, and it was selfish of me that I wasn't." Shepard started. But she didn't allow the others to say anything as she went on. "Kaidan was a good man. He wasn't with us long, but he was still apart of our crew, our little family. He died a hero yesterday. He saved the rest of us on Virmire, and stopped Saren's operation by setting off that nuke." Shepard went on.
She shook her head as she tried to think of anything else to say. Something that would honor their friend. "I for one feel proud of him. I was proud to know him, and proud to have worked with him. I'm prouder yet that he was so selfless, so willing, to give his life so the rest of us can see tomorrow, and finish what Saren started. We owe him that much, and we will stop Saren. That is my promise to him, and to the rest of you." Shepard went on, sounding more confident. She would stop Saren, or she would die trying. That was her promise to herself.
The others nodded and seemingly agreed however. "If anyone has anything they want to say... Or if anyone feels they need to talk, I'm here. I'm sorry I wasn't last night, but I am here now, and I'm not going to hide from this again." Shepard said, before letting the others say their piece.
"I'll miss his lame jokes." Garrus chuckled suddenly. The others chuckled with Garrus but nodded. The others chimed in with similar short sentiments before they all began to tell stories of their time with Kaidan. Even Ashley had a few things to contribute. Wrex just stood, silent, but Shepard understood. Wrex, if he felt Kaidan's loss at all, would deal with it in his own way. The krogan way. Drinks and tales of battles were likely Wrex's ways.
Once everyone departed, Liara and Shepard headed for the elevator. Shepard knew she still had her own responsibilities to attend to. She had to report to Anderson, give him her account of Virmire... And she and Liara still had to figure out what was imprinted in Shepard's head from that beacon. Shepard didn't want to face the day, but she knew she had to.
On the elevator Shepard couldn't help but feel her body slump at the weight of what she had to face today. Liara seemed to sense Shepard's plight as she turned to face the human. Liara reached up with both hands carefully placing them on either side of Shepard's neck, her thumbs lightly brushing against Shepard's cheeks. Shepard frowned but couldn't help but pull Liara in closer by the waist as she buried her face into the asari's neck, feeling fingers run through her hair in a comforting manner.
Shepard sighed against Liara's skin, causing an involuntary shudder from the asari, but she wrapped her arms around Shepard's shoulders regardless. All she could do was offer what comfort she could give, and for now that seemed enough for the human, who held Liara in closer. At least until the elevator finally arrived on the crew deck.
"How do we do this?" Shepard asked, as she Liara, and Chakwas stood in the middle of med bay. Chakwas had insisted earlier in the morning that she observed their meld, to make sure there were no unusual complications because of the beacon. In all honesty Shepard had wished for a little more privacy on the matter, but she could understand where the good doctor was getting with it.
Liara reached up, tucking strands of hair that were in Nicole's face behind her ear. She knew Shepard was feeling both anxious and impatient to get this over with. Shepard likely wanted nothing more than to be alone right now. "I know this is a difficult day, Nicole, but we really must take this slowly." Liara said calmly. Shepard took a deep breath, trying to find her center. Liara's calm demeanor gave Shepard what felt like a balm effect over her aching spirit.
"Sorry." Shepard barely whispered, looking away. Liara simply smiled.
Chakwas watched the pair as Liara directed Shepard to sit onto the floor with her, both of them sitting cross legged. "Relax, Nicole. Take deep steady breaths. It may take some time to find the information, but it will help if you are able to clear your mind." Liara instructed. Shepard nodded her head as she took another steadying breath.
"Are you going to see other stuff too?" Shepard asked, sounding nervous. Shepard trusted Liara, but she wasn't sure if she trusted herself. Some of the memories Shepard had floating around in her head were not pretty. The slaughter of her family, her early years as a merc. Things she wasn't always so proud of.
Liara scooted closer to Shepard, their knees touching as she reached out, grabbing the human's hands. "It is likely. I may have to search for what the beacon has shown you." Liara said, the look on her face saying she understood Shepard's anxiety. Shepard nodded as she leaned forward, their foreheads resting gently together. "I will be here with you, Nicole." Liara said more quietly, if only for the two of them to hear.
Chakwas readied her monitors as it seemed like the two were about ready to meld. "I will simply monitor your vitals, make sure everything goes smoothly." The elder woman said. "Everything that happens in here today will remain strictly confidential. I will not tell anyone anything you do not wish them to know." Chakwas assured. It probably gave Shepard more comfort going forward than she had expected.
"Thanks, Doc." Shepard said. She then looked to Liara, taking a deep breath. "Ready." Shepard sighed as she gripped Liara's hands in her own.
Liara nodded lightly. "Relax, Nicole. Deep steady breaths. Clear your mind. I will not proceed if you are uncomfortable at any time." Liara instructed, sounding all too professional. Shepard gave the asari a lop-sided smile and it caused Liara's stomach to flop in both her own anxiety and yet excitement at the idea of joining minds with Shepard. "Embrace eternity." She then said as her eyes went solid black.
It was a weird sensation, feeling like some unknown force was invading her mind. But it was not uncomfortable, not like the beacon. This felt different. Warm, comfortable, inviting. Someone beckoning her to them. Asking for permission to enter. Shepard felt a little overwhelmed, and yet tried to calm herself.
Naturally Liara felt mental barriers erect the moment she tried to enter Shepard's mind. But she also felt Shepard catch herself, slowly allowing the asari in. Once the connection was made, the outside world faded into what felt more like background noise. It was an odd sensation for them both. Liara had never really melded with another species before, while Shepard had never experienced a mind meld at all. But it wasn't an unpleasant experience. It felt more exotic and new to them both.
In the meld Liara could see doors. So many doors. Doors to Shepard's memories perhaps? Everyone came to the meld looking different. Shepard was no exception. But she was more guarded than she liked to let on. "How do you know what's what?" Shepard asked in the meld, seeing what her own mind looked to herself for the first time.
Liara looked from one door to the next. Hundreds sprawled out before them in neat rows and isles. "Everyone is different, Nicole. We are both inexperienced in this, it may take more time than I had anticipated." Liara confessed as she felt a little overwhelmed by the task before her.
She could feel Shepard's amusement in the meld and frowned both mentally and physically. "Pick a door, any door, maybe you'll get lucky and win a brand new car!" Shepard tried to joke. Liara could feel Shepard was trying to hide behind her humor. But Liara did not press, even though Shepard could probably feel that she was not entirely amused.
"Sorry. I dunno, just open one, lets see what happens?" Nicole suggest as one such door creaked open slightly, inviting Liara to peak at what was inside. Liara readied herself as she probed further into Shepard's mind, stepping through the door, both of them bracing for whatever may happen.
What was before Liara took her by some surprise. "I got one!" a young girl shouted as she tugged on a rod. The red head couldn't be more than 10 years old, face lit up, her green eyes unmistakable. Liara couldn't help but flush as she could feel Shepard's slight embarrassment flow through the meld. Another more physical side effect, Liara could feel Shepard's cheeks burn from her blushing outside of the meld.
"Good job, Nikki!" an older human male called back in excitement, standing several feet away from her along the bank of a river. He also had blazing red hair with green eyes. Liara was amazed at just how much the younger looking Nicole looked like him.
The asari watched as Shepard yanked a Mindoir fish out of of the river, hooked at the end of her line. "No fair, I haven't caught a single one yet!" another girl, perhaps a little older shouted, but she had a playful pout of her face. Her hair was more red as well, but more faded in color. She and Nicole still looked a great deal alike however.
Liara felt curious about the scene before her, and Shepard could feel it through their meld. "I used to go fishing with dad and Jenny a lot. We weren't that far from the river and we were always more out doorsy than mom." Shepard commented a small chuckle as Liara watched the memory unfold. The trio looked so happy as they all gathered around Nicole's catch.
Liara couldn't help but smile. "They look like they were wonderful people." Liara commented. Shepard simply nodded in the physical world, but having a shared consciousness, Liara could sense it more than see it.
"Yeah... They were." Shepard responded simply. It was hard for her to see them again so clearly. She didn't even have a photograph of them after what happened on Mindoir, and part of her enjoyed seeing them again after so long, yet another part of her ached from it.
But the memory quickly faded into another. This time the two girls were a bit older, playing laser tag with a group of other children. Jenny and Nicole were on their own team, as they laughed and hollered with the other kids, all of them ducking around trees and playground equipment. This time Shepard didn't really comment on the memory. Instead, Liara could feel some of Shepard's growing sadness flowing through their link, almost a sense of longing.
"You miss them terribly." Liara couldn't help but observe. Again Shepard gave a silent nod. Liara reached out in the physical world, resting a hand on Shepard's cheek, rubbing her thumb along the smooth skin she found there. It had been a hard day indeed, and Liara could feel the exhaustion of it all emanating from Shepard. But she could also feel Shepard's determination to get through this.
The memory faded, only to be replaced yet another. Only this time they were not on Mindoir, and Shepard was no longer the young child. It was Liara's turn to flush, and Shepard could feel it on her end of the meld and couldn't help the lopsided smirk that played across her lips.
It was their first encounter on a dig Liara had been part of. The lead archaeologist had contacted Shepard's group for protection from potential pirates. In Shepard's memory, she had been caught off guard by Liara. She found her rather attractive almost instantly, drawn in by her soft features and deep blue eyes. More than that, she had found the young asari endearing when she stuttered off a personal introduction before showing the group around the dig site, and explaining what they were digging up.
Liara flushed even harder watching the memory, as Shepard's smirk only grew. "I thought you were way too adorable than was necessary." Shepard said, her tone teasing, yet sincere.
Liara flushed even harder. "Do not tease." Was here meek comment, but she couldn't help but give the human a shy smile. She also couldn't help but enjoy the emotions that flowed between the two of them in the short moment of the memory. Liara could feel just how much Shepard cared for her, and she could only hope Shepard could feel it from her as well. They both smiled, perhaps a little shyly at one another, but the memory didn't last.
The flow of happier memories was abruptly thrown off by the sounds of screams, gunfire and explosions. They had back tracked and were back on Mindoir. In Liara's attempt to find the prothean vision she had probed back to the very memory Shepard had wanted to avoid by accident. She could feel every muscle in the human's body tense, her back straightened and an unpleasant sensation burned up her spine.
Liara panicked herself, feeling the intense reaction Shepard had. She could see the night sky glowing with an eerie orange color from the fires that surrounded her. "Nikki, run!" a young woman yelled, shotgun in her hand.
Shepard reached out in the physical world, gripping Liara's hands almost too tightly. "No no no, anything but this, please don't!" Shepard almost yelled, her voice full of panic and pain equally. She not only yelled this through their link, but also in the physical world. It caused Chakwas to nearly spring into action, but she halted as she read the monitors. Shepard's heart rate had spiked, but otherwise it seemed like everything was stable for the moment
Liara didn't stop the memory however as much as it just changed on it's own, perhaps through sheer will by Shepard. Suddenly Shepard's mind was like a wild fire, one image after another, all the bad memories rapid fired across their minds, almost too fast for Liara to keep up with. Mindoir, Shepard's early years as a merc, her first kill, and then they were back on Virmire within a span of seconds.
Liara felt a little overwhelmed by the sudden shift, but she held fast, knowing that this would possibly lead to the vision. "It is alright, Nicole, I am here." Liara tried to soothe the human. She could feel Shepard's grip on her hands grow more firm. The guilt of Kaidan's death rushed through their link. The emotion was powerful, almost overwhelming within itself. Shepard blamed herself. She felt she was not fast enough, not strong enough. She felt she wasn't up to the task of leading a ground team on a militaristic mission.
Liara tried to send reassuring feelings through their meld, but it was lost in the mix of the sudden changes.
Now Shepard was in the cockpit of the Normandy, watching the explosion on Virmire. More feelings of guilt and loss. Her family flashed before her mind's eye, and then, like a trigger, the prothean visions erupted from the slew of memories.
They both froze in that instant, helpless to the vision as it played across both of their minds, almost with an echo effect. With Liara's cipher they could both understand the vision, both could understand the message that was laced in with the images. The warning was spread across a shattered empire. The Reapers were there, and they were more powerful than anything the protheans had ever faced.
The vision abruptly ended, almost snapping the meld shut with it, both Liara and Shepard feeling winded by the experience. "Are you two alright?" Chakwas asked as she knelt next to them, running a scan on her omni-tool. They had become unresponsive for several seconds, and the meld did not end as smoothly as Liara would have liked. The sudden triggering of the vision had zapped her of all energy, and she was unable to maintain the meld. She was only able to to hold on long enough to see the warning through before it was unwillingly severed.
"I am... I am alright." Liara said, yet her body language gave her away. She was exhausted. Shepard shook her head, trying to fight off the sudden sharp headache from how quickly the meld had ended, but looked to be in otherwise decent condition.
Chakwas stood as Shepard fought to stabilize the world around her, but managed to get to her feet as well. "Let's get her onto a bed." Chakwas said as she moved to her equipment, shutting it down. Shepard nodded as she helped Liara to her feet, who looked more unstable than the human.
Liara looked a little defiant in the moment, "I am fine." She tried to assure but stumbled as Shepard tried to guide the asari back to the bed.
"Uh-huh." Shepard mused, though she herself wasn't sure how to feel right now. But Shepard focused more on Liara as she helped the asari onto the bed. "Let the doc take a look at you, Li. It's not gonna hurt to be safe than sorry." Shepard insisted as gently as she could. Liara yawned and nodded. Liara felt more ready for some sleep than a medical examination.
Liara laid back on the bed, as Chakwas returned running a few more scans. "And how are you feeling, Miss Shepard?" Chakwas asked.
Shepard shrugged as she watched Liara, who had closed her eyes with another yawn. "I've had better days." Shepard confessed. Shepard had promised her crew not to hide from this whole thing again, but in all honesty, she wanted to hide. She just wanted to hole up somewhere with a book and not come back out for a week. But she knew she couldn't.
"Ilos... The conduit is on Ilos." Liara finally muttered. Shepard gave the asari a half smile, reaching for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "But the Mu Relay has been lost for centuries." Liara fought to continue.
Shepard gave her an assuring smile, raising the asari's hand to her lips, planting a light kiss on the back of her hand. "Shh, it's okay, Li, get some rest I'll talk to the Captain." Shepard said quietly as she glanced to Chakwas. Chakwas smiled back and nodded as Liara gave another heavy yawn before closing her eyes, allowing herself to rest.
I apologize for the long wait once again. Honestly this chapter has given me hell. And I've had a lot going on in my head so that doesn't help. I can't promise a fast update, I'm looking into a second job, gotta pay them bills and pretend to be a responsible adult lol.
Until next time!
