(Coeus Black - PoV)

*BZZZZZZZZZZZZ*

*BZZZZZZZZZZZZ*

*BZZZZZZZZZZZ-*

After a bit of shuffling behind me, the sound finally cuts off.

...

"Umm...guys?"

"Yeah Iris?" I mumble, my head buried in Phoebe's hair.

"It's...We need to get ready for class, don't we? We have Herbology this morning."

"Mmm. No."

"...No?"

"No."

...

There's a bit more shuffling and then warmth presses against my back.

"Good Iris," I mutter, squeezing Phoebe tighter.


We get plenty of looks as we enter the Great Hall and sit down for lunch, but no one says anything.

Well, almost no one.

"No threats. No maimings. No knife fights, explosions, absurd magic, dead plants or fire," Daphne says as she butters her toast. "We actually had a normal class this morning!"

"Sounds boring," I reply, grabbing the sausage rolls.

Her silence is answer enough.

Daph may complain all the time but she's the one that chooses to follow me around. She knows what she is getting into.

"It was boring," Draco agrees. "Nothing like Defense. By far the best class we had."

The lunch discussion kicks off as we continue to eat, Phoebe's shoulder bumping into mine.


Dora said Flitwick was good, but she never really managed to convey the experience of his class.

He is a good speaker, with a presence that makes it easy to forget his physical size. A least until he takes advantage of it, literally hopping around the room at times.

The way he moves...I can believe he was a champion duelist now.

Dora is bad enough. How are you supposed to hit someone a fraction her size who can bounce?

...

Area spells, I guess. I assume he generally shields through them, as they are typically weaker, but...

I glance over at Iris.

Yeah. If we have to fight a Flitwick then I will sick Iris on him.

...

Or Fiendfyre.

Fiendfyre is good too.

"Ow!"

I yelp as Phoebe pinches me.

"No Fiendfyre," she admonishes.

"But-"

"No casual Fiendfyre."

"...Fine," I agree.

That's...fair.

All that cursed...everything, will add up eventually, I suppose.

Flitwick pauses his (actually decent) lecture, glancing over at us as Phoebe leans up against me.

Shaking his head, he continues.

Good, good. I don't think Iris can actually take him yet. We don't even know any real area spells. They are not very common, and very much not first-year level.

...

"Iris," I look over at her. "New priority. A good area attack spell."

Who lets little things like "rare, difficult, and/or dangerous" hold them back?

Year-levels are for losers anyway.

Phoebe sighs but doesn't say anything.

Iris blinks, looking between us before nodding.

"Area attack spells. Got it."

...

"Uhh..."

"You will be our answer to Flitwick if we ever have to fight him," I explain.

Did he just stutter?

He heard us, didn't he? No loud noises or anything this time. That is some good hearing...

And multitasking.

Could we use the hearing?

Probably not. The Prefect guy mentioned spells to protect eyesight, it follows there are similar spells to protect hearing.

...

Maybe something to exploit specific frequencies? Do Half-Goblins have different hearing? Or-

"And now, the practical!" he announces, waving his wand at a cabinet and causing an assortment of random junk to fly out, swirling around the room theatrically before landing on the desks.

...Really good multi-tasking. And insanely good control.

Phoebe and I accidentally threw Dora out a window last time we used the Levitation charm and here he is controlling dozens of objects at once.

...

Right. He is the Charms teacher. I should be glad he is actually worthy of the position.

...

I bet Iris could set this whole room on fire without even using her wand.

"Well, silly me!" he chirps. "You are supposed to be practicing the Mending Charm, but that may be a tad difficult when nothing is broken! Let me fix that!"

*Crack*

I blink as he leaps onto the nearest desk, stomping on the empty picture frame.

Is...Is he...

*Crack**Crack**Crunch*

He is.

The Gryffindors are cheering and hollering as he jumps around the room, smashing things with his feet. (Most) of the Slytherins stare flabergasted.

I mean, it's not that I disapprove...It's just...

*Crack*

The (very boring) jewelry box in front of me shatters as a pirouetting midget lands on it, giving us a smile.

Bending his leg, he pushes off once more, doing a, err, wow. A lot of flips before slamming both legs down into Iris's suitcase.

...

I flinch when Phoebe pinches me again.

"No. You will break your everything."

...Yeah. She's probably right.

...

This is the weirdest class ever.


"And there we go!" Flitwick announces, proudly standing amid the ruins of a medicine cabinet taking up most of some Gryffindor's desk.

"Everyone should be good to go! You can begin whenever you are ready! Remember-"

Yeah yeah. We have had this one down for a while now.

"Reparo"

A very short chant and a (mostly) straight-lined spiral twist of the wand and the jewelry box puts itself back together, just like I told it to.

Good jewelry box. If only you were less...everything.

Or more everything? Hmm.

An odd sound has me turning toward Phoebe.

Her nutcracker is fully repaired as well, no surprise there.

Glancing over at me, she smiles, turning it towards me and opening and closing it several times.

*Crunch**Crunch*

It is not a nice smile.

Phoebeeeee...

Giggling, she inclines her head towards Iris.

Hmm?

She finished her suitcase as well, of course. She is unlatching it now to look inside, though I can't imagine there is anyt-

Underwear. It has more than a few pieces of girls underwear inside.

The thin, lacy kind. In all sorts of colors and stuff.

Iris's face burns crimson as she slams the lid shut.

She takes a deep breath before raising her hand.

"Err, Professor?" she calls.

"Yes! One moment, Miss Potter," he replies, finishing up with a Gryffindor.

At least I assume he finishes up. Whoever it is still doesn't manage to cast the spell, even with help. Maybe he saw a lost cause and cut his losses?

"Miss Potter. Miss Potter, Miss Potter, Miss Potter. I must admit, we had high expectations for you. Virtually baseless, unfair, completely unrealistic expectations. The fact that you are actually living up to them is nothing short of astounding."

"Err..."

"Yes, excellent work," he continues, examining the suitcase. "And on your first attempt!"

Pausing just a fraction, he chuckles.

"Your first attempt in class, at least. I assume you practiced before school? Along with your..." he trails off, turning towards Phoebe and me questioningly.

"Family!"

He smiles when I finish his sentence.

"Family. How wonderful..."

My brow furrows, but...he appears sincere.

Pacing in front of our desks almost idly, his hands move swiftly as he looks over our junk.

"Excellent, excellent. Not just put back together but everything in the right place, with no missing pieces, swaps, or substitutions. Solid and perfectly functional. Not even any scuff marks! All three of you are well ahead of where you need to be. Fifteen points to Slytherin!"

Yes yes, Slytherin is best house. Everyone knows that.

He taps a finger on his chin.

"Of course, there is more to the charm than the most basic of repairs! As with most spells, there are many levels of mastery. If you want to practice further, there are books in the library you can check out that include various exercises. In the meantime..."

Not only do I not see him draw his wand, I don't even see him cast before our junk begins to glow and explodes...slightly?

Falls apart? Shatters into fragments, without flying all over the the place.

Was that some sort of modified Bombarda? Something completely new?

I...I...

Phoebe pokes me as he nods.

"That should do. Try working on this for now," he says, turning towards Iris.

"Err, Professor..." she holds up her hand, interrupting him before he casts again.

"Yes?" he asks, immediately putting away his wand.

"I...didn't actually..."

She shakes her head.

"The suitcase isn't empty," she explains.

"Oh! Ah. I have house elves gather the materials for the class, it is entirely possible they may have forgotten to check it. What is inside? I can't imagine it handled my, heh, preparation," he smiles, "very well?"

She opens and closes her mouth several times before drawing into herself and shoving the suitcase towards him.

Raising an eyebrow, the Professor unlatches the case.

*Clack* *Clack*

...

*Slam*

...

He vanishes the suitcase with a quick spell.

"I am sorry, Miss Potter. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will have a word with the house elves."

She nods silently, not looking at him.

They are getting awfully worked up over a stupid suitcase.

Whatever. He got rid of it.

Turning back to my pile of wood, I crack my fingers.

Levels of mastery, huh?

I AM THE MASTER!

OBEY!

"Reparo!"

...

It's like the jewelry box version of an Inferius.

...

This may take a bit more practice.

...

How am I supposed to get the tiny pieces for another go?

...

"Reducto!"

Half the class ducks as woodchips scatter throughout the room.

Phoebe sighs next to me before collapsing into giggles.

"What the-...I am sitting right in front of you!" Draco yells at me, brushing bits of wood out of his hair as he climbs back into his chair.

"So I noticed. Hey, can I get those back? This thing is going to be really hard to put back together when it's missing half the pieces."


(Filius Flitwick - PoV)

Politely waving the last student out of the classroom, I very carefully close the door behind them before making my way to my chair and collapsing into it.

...

"Heh heh heh...Ahhh..."

What a class. What a mess, but what a class.

I admit, I was looking forward to this one.

Who wouldn't? The Girl-Who-Lived!

Such a fascinating character, and series of events.

Oh the rational part of me had worked hard to push any ridiculous hopes and expectations down. But last night I overheard my Ravens talking, so I went and had a chat with Minerva...

I shake my head.

Yes, she was certainly over-prepared at minimum. I will have to see if she can keep it up, but I have a good feeling.

...

At least one of us was prepared.

"Mimsy!" I call.

*Pop*

"Mr. Flitwick calls sir?"

Nodding, I reach into my sleeve and withdraw the shrunken suitcase. Removing the charm I show it to her.

"You have been collecting items for me and the students to use in class. Do you remember this one?" I ask.

She nods rapidly, ears flopping.

"Oh yes, Mimsy remembers it! She didn't collects that one though!"

"No? Was it one of the other elves?" I ask.

I thought Mimsy collected everything but I could be wrong. I don't even know where she finds it all. If she is scouring the entire castle it would make sense for her to recruit help.

"No sir! It was the Little Seer Girl!"

"...What?"

"The Little Seer Girl, sir! Mimsy doesn't know her name, but she said you would recognize her."

Suddenly nervous, Mimsy begins wringing her hands.

"Mimsy...Mimsy had a different case picked out. She was goings to bring it to you when the seer girl ran up, panting and coughing. Said it was dangerous."

She is wiggling in place now.

"We...We didn't know sir! Checked it just like you showed and didn't see anything! It looked empty! But the girl, she was sure it was bad. She gave us that one," she points to the suitcase between us, "to use instead."

"...I see."

Phoebe pulled this? Was this a prank?

"She, she said to keep the old one. Said you would want to check it?"

Not an impressive foresight.

"Yes, please. If you would retrieve it, Mimsy?"

*Pop*

*Pop*

She reappears carrying a thick suitcase like it is about to explode at any moment. Which, to be fair...

"Here, sir! Little Seer Girl said to be careful not to break or drop it."

"Understood. Thank you, Mimsy" I reply, carefully taking the heavy case.

Best to assume Phoebe was serious until proven otherwise. I will have to detail new rules for Mimsy for situations like this afterward.

"She also said, 'Seven out of ten for the spin.'"

...

Seven out of ten!?

I'd like to see her-

No, no.

I shake my head.

"Thank you, Mimsy."

Beaming, the elf disappears with a *pop*.

...

I can't believe that I am being legitimately heckled from the past.

Blacks!

...

Those two are going to be...interesting.

Carefully setting my burden on an empty desk, I sigh.

Even more interesting than Iris, perhaps.

Coeus is showing virtually all of the Black traits.

...

I didn't mean to set him off.

I've had more than a few students hear of my past as a duelist and become...interested, in it. Attempt to challenge me (challenges I generally decline). But Coeus is a Black. And with their tendency to extremes...

For once I am somewhat concerned.

I shake my head.

They are either going to burn themselves become very dangerous, very quickly.

And if Phoebe is half the seer she appears...

Hmm.

*Clack* *Clack*

Slowly opening the case, I confirm Mimsy's claim.

Empty.

And rather small. Either the outside casing is exceptionally thick, or...

"If I were smuggling, again, it would be right about...Ah ha!"

Pulling up the false bottom reveals a row of-

My heart hammers in my chest as I stand, frozen in place.

Erumpent horns.

An entire suitcase of Erumpent horns.

...

If...If I had jumped...onto this case...

...

One good Erumpent horn can blow up a house if handled poorly.

...

This would have killed every student in the room. There wouldn't even be a classroom left.

...

Slowly, I put the false bottom down on another desk before stumbling backward into my chair.

...

I don't fear death.

I don't want to die, mind. I intend to avoid it for as long as reasonably possible. But when it comes for me? It comes.

While I would prefer to go out in a blaze of glory, a heroic last stand, or even something comedically funny, it doesn't really matter.

If I meet my end in some terribly mundane manner, or because of a fit of stupidity? So be it.

...

But that is for me. My death.

By Merlin and all the Gods, Old and New...Don't let me take any who don't deserve it down with me! Don't let me end an entire class of students because of a careless mistake! Don't... Don't...

Lifting a hand, I find it trembling.

With some difficulty, I swallow.

"I believe, I need to speak with someone."

Minerva? She should have a whiskey bottle hidden away.

She is also in the middle of class. And...

Dumbledore? I will need to speak to him about the incident regardless, I think.

Or...

Severus, is the closest to the twins, isn't he? Perhaps...