Kendall took off his shirt and crawled on top of me. He kissed me deeply and I laid there everything was happening in slow motion. It was like I was watching from above. I felt nothing but anxiety. I kept having flashbacks of the dream while Kendall was kissing my neck. I was shaking and nearly crying.
"Baby, You okay?" He asked me and I nodded. I knew I wasn't okay but I was trying to be. He guided my shirt off and I laid there scared. I felt the air on my skin and the hairs on my arm were standing. He was placing kisses along my body.
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"Can we slow down?" I asked him remaining calm. I couldn't go through with it. Things were getting heated way too fast and I didn't want anything else to go any farther. I knew I couldn't take it.
"Of course." He said nicely. I was thankful I had an understanding boyfriend. I felt relieved for a second until Kendall rolled us over so I was sitting on top.
"K-"
"Go at what pace you want." Kendall said cutting me off.
He started pulling off my bra exposing my chest.
"Stop!" I got off of him cover my chest with my arms. "I don't want to go at any pace."
"What?" He looked upset. I thought he would be more understanding with my panic attack last time he was fine.
"I'm not ready to have sex." I said bluntly.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Kendall yelled. My body shook in fear.
"Please." I wanted to cry. I didn't want Kendall to be upset with me but I also wasn't having sex with him at fifteen years old. I tried to be more like what he wanted me to be but I couldn't.
"All this time I've put into the shitty relationship, all the dates, all the presents, and free rides and you're saying no?" Kendall asked me getting closer to me he was so angry.
"No I-" I felt scared of losing myself in him.
"I've done so much for you and you are going to treat me like this?" He yelled. "We love each other and people in love have sex."
"I'm only fifteen." I had tears in my eyes. "I can't."
"I thought you were mature enough to date someone older but I was wrong." He looked me up and down.
It wasn't about maturity. It was about being too young and not feeling ready. I could be the most emotionally mature person in the world and still not be ready to have sex. It's a personal thing.
"I am!" I stood up for myself.
"Shut up!" Kendall pushed me across the room. I was shocked and pain filled my body. I rolled over onto my stomach to give my back relief. He got closer and kicked me in the back repeatedly.
I was screaming loudly but no one heard me.
He kicked and kicked until I shut up.
Kendall stopped and he left the room.
I just laid there in pain I couldn't move because it hurt. I didn't know what to do and if I should call the cops or not. I wasn't sure I had the strength to call for help. I took a few deep breathes to calm down but it was hurting to breathe heavily. My back felt like knives were being shoved into it. Kendall walked back in a few minutes later. I gulped hoping there wasn't going to be anymore pain. I couldn't be so sure that he wasn't going to just continue.
He looked at me and picked me up.
I flinched a few times.
"I'm sorry." Kendall laid me on the bed and handed me my shirt while I stared at him. His face was softer than before.
"Y-you hurt me." I manged to get out. I covered myself with my shirt. I didn't have the strength to put it on.
"I was frustrated because you got me so worked up just to give me blue balls." He defended his actions.
I didn't know an apology could be that bad. I didn't say anything to him. He put my shirt on for me. I stayed quiet hoping he would just take me home. Instead took me to his house. I didn't really have a choice, he carried me out of Bridget's house. I was in too much pain to move or object. The silence was real, he had put on music in on the ride to his house. I didn't even have my phone it was in his pocket. We got to his room and he laid me down on the bed I winced in pain.
"I really am sorry baby." Kendall said after got us food but I didn't eat anything.
"Do you want to break up?" I asked him. It took a lot talking myself into it to get myself to be so blunt with him.
"What?" He asked. "No of course not. I want you more than I've ever wanted someone." Kendall took my hand I flinched once more. "You're all I have."
"You tell me you want me and then you push me around." I looked down. I was in a lot of pain.
"I know. I'm really sorry." Kendall paused. "I'm getting help, I'll stop." He put on a movie and pulled me into his arms. It was a movie I've been asking him to watch with me for months but he was just trying to get me to forgive him. I was too in pain to do anything so I just sat there and watch the movie.
Kendall fell asleep an hour in and I used all my strength to get out of bed quietly. He was out so I managed to get out and take my phone out of his pocket without waking him up. I was really scared that he would wake up and continue hurting me. I had to leave, I wasn't safe here and my parents wouldn't be pleased to know I didn't come home. I went downstairs slowly. I couldn't get home myself. I thought about who to call and I knew the only person that had a car was the last person I wanted to call. I sucked it up and called Jamie to pick me up. I waited outside for my older brother to come get me. I called him so my parents wouldn't find out. There was a fifty percent chance that Jamie wouldn't tell them and it was the best option. I trust my brother to be there if I need him even if things were bad between us. I waited on the side so I wasn't directly outside of Kendall's house so there was a good chance that if he came out here to find me he wouldn't see me. Jamie pulled up and I got in the car. I knew he was going to ask about why I needed him to pick me up. I was in too much pain to think of any excuses. There wasn't anything visual except maybe my puffy eyes from crying.
"What's up?" He asked a little concerned.
"Just drive." I didn't want to talk I wanted to go home.
"Not until you tell me what the hell is going on and why you're crying." Jamie reached for my hand and I flinched. I could see he was confused. "Did he try anything with you?"
"N-No." I lied.
"Did you have sex with him Rowan?" He was getting mad. I know Kendall was his least favorite person in the world.
"No! Just take me home Jamie! Please!" I cried. I was so emotionally upset and physically in pain that I was can't hold it in anymore. He gave in and started the car. When we got home I slowly got out of the car. My back ached badly but I tried to play it off the best that I could.
"Row, What's going on?" He noticed I was acting weird.
"Nothing. I just feel bad." I lied again I'm use to it.
"Are you wasted?" My brother asked and the light went off in my head. The perfect cover story.
"Yes." I sighed hoping he would't be too mad at me.
"Kendall got you drunk? You're only fifteen! What were you thinking?!" He yelled and I kind of deserved it since I was never punished for drinking at the last party.
"I'm sorry!" I cried loudly. "Can we go inside and talk about this tomorrow?" I need to rest.
"Okay fine." He sighed and agreed.
We went inside and Jamie helped me up to my room. He thought I was too drunk to stand but that wasn't the case. Jamie touched my back once and I bit my lip so hard I drew blood. He didn't notice which was good. Jamie helped me to bed and took off my shoes. I laid down and smiled gently. I was safe in my own bed. I have the world's best brother. He tucked me in and kissed my head.
"I love you kiddo. You know that right?" I nodded. "I'm glad you called me and didn't just find your way home"
"Thank you Jam Jam." I smiled.
"You can always call me. No matter what I will always be here for you."
My big brother to the rescue.
Auther's Note:
:) reviews please. I want feedback on this one and a lot of it if you would like the next one. I update faster when I get excited by a review. Sabby you're a rockstar! I know this chapter was intense!
