Lizzy's heart pounded dramatically in her chest. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, making her feel slightly queasy. It was rather silly, the anxious feelings that still fluttered inside of her.
She pressed her hands against her stomach to try and calm her nerves. Her fingers absentmindedly brushed against the lace fabric as she stared at the door leading out of the dressing room. She wasn't ready to step out just yet.
Yesterday had turned into a rather pleasant day, despite how the morning started. They talked, or at least talked as best as they could. Communicated. It wasn't as if they hadn't talked before. But, this time felt different, special. She told him that she loved him. His love for her was no secret but she'd never openly admitted her own feelings. She'd known for a while he'd stolen her heart. But, vocally admitting to it scared her. It wasn't right to love him, but it was right for her.
"I love you."
Perhaps it would have been better if it had been said in a more romantic setting. The two of them at dinner or maybe after some loving, tender sex. Not the desperate, hard, forceful, rough sex he needed. But, it felt right to say it then. Right to tell him that she loved him. Have her voice say it for him to hear.
Lizzy bit her lip. Three simple little words that held so much meaning.
"Lizzy dear, do you need help?" Luda Mae called out.
Time's up , she thought.
"I'm coming out," Lizzy replied. Placing her hand on the door handle, she took in a deep breath then exhaled before stepping out.
Henrietta let out a sharp gasp and she placed her hand over her mouth.
"My word," Luda Mae said softly.
The two women had practically the same look on their faces of dazzled awe. They were clearly being a bit over dramatic with their reactions. Lizzy felt her blood rush up to her cheeks as her heart skipped a beat. She wasn't sure why. This wasn't the first wedding dress she'd tried on today.
Ducking her head, Lizzy headed to a single full length mirror to get a better look at herself. Luda Mae wasn't too far behind her.
She swallowed.
It was difficult to breathe, in more ways than one. She started to run her sweaty palms along the dress she wore before clenching her fingers and setting her hands to her sides. She looked as if she'd stepped out of a bridal catalog. The white dress, with a tulle overlay and lace embroidery, hugged her upper body, fitting her almost a little too snugly. But at least it flared out just below her hips. Long lace sleeves covered up her arms and the burn scars, not that it mattered to her if they showed or not. The pristine white wedding dress made both Hewitt women behind her look drab in comparison.
"You look like an angel," Luda Mae said softly, gently tugging on the fabric.
"It's so lovely on you," Henrietta said.
Lizzy absentmindedly nodded her head in agreement. Out of the handful of wedding dresses, or at least passable white dresses, she'd tried on, this was by far her favorite. But of course it was her favorite. It was the one. The moment she saw it she knew it was the one meant for her. The perfect wedding dress.
"It is lovely, but completely impractical," Lizzy found herself saying. She gave Luda Mae a look through the mirror and raised her eyebrows. Satisfied? The silent question went unanswered by the older woman.
It was the first dress that had caught Lizzy's attention when they were looking at the limited selection of dresses at the small local shop. The first and only dress she knew she wanted, and the first dress she immediately dismissed, refusing to try on because it had to be the most expensive one. She didn't even have to look at the price tag. She just knew. There was no way they'd be able to afford it. Despite her objections, Luda Mae had practically shoved it onto her and told her there was no harm in trying it.
No harm, but also a waste of time. They couldn't afford the dress. Besides, a wedding dress, especially the one she had on, was meant to be shown off to a crowd not to just a handful of people at best. And there was going to just be a little over a handful of people at the wedding.
They talked about it last night. The wedding. It was just the three of them: Tommy, Luda Mae, and her. Monty didn't care and wasn't interested and Hoyt had gone to his room once he finished eating. She was glad he was avoiding her like the plague.
If she had it her way, he wouldn't even be at the wedding, but Luda Mae had included him in the extremely short list of people they wanted to be there. If the Hewitts had other extended family besides Henrietta and the Tea Lady, they never came up. Then Luda Mae asked her about her family. The question had stunned Lizzy. She'd never bothered to entertain the thought of ever seeing them again. She had been a prisoner after all. She didn't start out living with them of her own free will. Now suddenly there was the very real possibility of having them see her get married.
She wasn't sure how to answer that question. Her extended family would talk, whisper among themselves. They wouldn't understand and would never understand what she saw in Tommy. She couldn't explain to them why she was marrying into the Hewitt family. Couldn't explain that she'd fallen for Tommy despite everything. And, although she didn't care what they thought in the end, Tommy would. He was sensitive. He would notice the stares. See the difference in clothing between his family and hers. She could trust most of them to be sensible enough to at least talk behind her back, and not to her face. But, she couldn't trust her mother. The woman prided herself in "telling it how it is" even if it was hurtful. She wasn't going to support Lizzy in the slightest and she'd make sure to let that be known.
But… She had come to the realization that it would be nice to see her parents again. Even if it was one last time. If she got a hold of them.
You shouldn't feel disappointed , she reminded herself. It is a weekday and they're going to be working.
She hadn't planned on calling them today. Neither did she plan on looking for a wedding dress. They hadn't even set up a date yet.
Tommy. Her sweet Tommy.
Clearly, he loved surprising her. It was just after breakfast when he took her by the hand and led her to the unused office room. She knew there was a phone there, but she figured it didn't work. She'd never heard it go off during her entire stay. And, no one ever stopped her from going into that room alone.
Lizzy felt her heart flutter as she pressed her fingers to her cheek. He had given her a simple kiss on her cheek, before picking up the phone receiver and handing it to her then he walked away, giving her privacy she didn't expect.
It had surprised her just how nervous she was when the phone started to ring and she found herself almost puking. She was going to ask him to let her call her parents. But she didn't plan on doing it today. Maybe tomorrow. She wasn't mentally prepared to talk to them at that moment. Her mind had swirled with what she would say… could say. She couldn't tell them the truth. Something close to it, but she hadn't made a plan yet. Did she even want them to know where she was at? The fact that they were looking for her still shocked her.
In the end, it didn't matter. Neither of them picked up the house phone and she ended up leaving a quick message. "Hey, mom, dad. I'm fine. Sorry I haven't called. I'm out in the middle of nowhere and lost track of time. Umm… I'll call you back later. Bye." She would have left the house phone number if she even knew what it was.
It's a weekday , she reminded herself again. Both of her parents loved their careers. They wouldn't be sitting at home waiting for her to call. But still, she had felt unnecessarily disappointed that she didn't get to talk to them, now that she had the opportunity. A mood that Tommy had clearly picked up on. She was sure he was the reason his cousin "suddenly" showed up about the "sale". A "sale" that actually wasn't happening.
And now here she was, trying on wedding dresses. Plain, white dress! That was all she needed, nothing fancy. As much as she liked it, it would be a waste of money. Besides, it wasn't like they were going to have a big wedding. A wedding that would show off the lovely dress she had on.
Lizzy clenched her jaw, despite herself. She stared at her reflection and smoothed the dress again. Her mother would probably find some sort of fault in it anyway. Or, she'd state if they were going to spend money on such a fancy dress then they would have to invite more people. Tommy would like that though. There had been clear disappointment on his face when Luda Mae had agreed with her that a smaller wedding was better. Of course he was disappointed. He wanted to show her off.
Still, she'd prefer just the nine of them, if her parents chose to show up, dressed in their Sunday best and with only a judge to officiate. Quick, simple, go home and celebrate together.
"Grandmama's pearls would fit so well with this dress," Henrietta said softly. Her eyes flashed with a hint of jealousy.
"Are you alright, dear?" Luda Mae asked. "You're pale."
Lizzy nodded her head, fighting back the sudden feeling of nausea as her world spun a little. Pearls. Wedding dress. Wedding. Her parents. Officially attaching her life to Tommy. Things were starting to become a little too real again.
"It's a bit snug, a little hard to get a full breath," she said, pushing against her chest, trying to find some good reason why it wasn't the right pick. "I really think the third dress I tried on is the best." It was simple, cheap and not entirely a wedding dress although it was white. She could make it look passable, just some extra fabric and a sewing machine.
Luda Mae stepped in front of her and examined her. "It does seem to fit you rather tight around here." Luda Mae paused then smiled. "You have gotten better about your eating habits. You had us worrying with how skinny you were."
Lizzy didn't reply. She hadn't thought about her weight before. They were probably right. It was difficult to eat when she was mourning her brother, and then the stress of the situation she was in didn't help matters. But over the last month she'd found it easier to eat. She just conveniently ignored the fact she was eating questionable meat.
"Be a dear, Henrietta and see if Mr. Wells is around," Luda Mae said. "He owns the store. Perhaps we can come to some sort of deal."
Henrietta was already walking away before Lizzy could stop her.
"Luda Mae," Lizzy said softly, catching the older woman's wrist. "There's no need. I'm sure the dress will still be here if and when we choose to get it."
Luda Mae gave her a small smile. "Oh, Lizzy," she said with a sigh. "You will learn soon enough. This town has a way of." She paused. "Taking away what we want."
"Well," Lizzy pushed back. "If it's not here when we come to it then it's not meant to be. Honestly, we don't need this. It's a simply dress that I'll wear at best for a single day. We can get the third one, maybe buy some fabric and fix it up to look nicer. He won't care what I'm wearing in the end."
Luda Mae's smile brightened and pressed her hands against Lizzy's.
"Nonsense," Luda Mae said. "My future daughter-in-law should have the dress she wants for her wedding day. I'm sure we can figure something out."
Lizzy didn't release her grip. "Luda Mae," she said again with more firmness in her voice. It felt like a curse now, knowing the financial situation the family was in. Not that she would have acted any differently. And, asking for a favor? To get a dress she was only going to wear once? That seemed rather silly.
Luda Mae averted her eyes for a moment.
"Let me do this, Lizzy," she said softly, focusing on Lizzy again. "I." She paused for a moment, then placed her hands on Lizzy's. "I see it now. And I'm sorry."
Lizzy frowned, resisting the urge to pull her hand away. Why was she apologizing? Feelings of confusion and uncertainty swirled inside of her. Was it possible?
Although Luda Mae had apologized over a month ago for what Hoyt had done, Lizzy never truly believed the woman was completely sorry. She figured Luda Mae was just saying what she thought was necessary in that moment.
"The way you look at him," Luda Mae continued. She raised her eyes to focus on Elizabeth's. "The love you have for my boy. After all we put you through. What I allowed you to be put through. You still somehow kept that love in your heart." She pressed her hand against Elizabeth's chest.
Elizabeth swallowed, trying to wet her throat that had suddenly become dry. Her eyes stung with tears, but she fought them back. She couldn't cry.
Luda Mae paused and picked invisible specs of lint off of the dress. "I knew from the moment you touched his arm without fear that you were meant to stay with us. That you were different from everyone else who rejected him. But, then I got scared. I worried that I was wrong. Worried that you were just faking it and would break my son's heart. His love for you was immediate. And I know girls that look like you. You would have destroyed him. If people here, who he grew up around, rejected him and hurt him, how could a stranger, someone not family, really care for him?"
Luda Mae raised her eyes to look into Lizzy's. She hesitated for a moment, then reached out and cupped Lizzy's cheek.
"I shouldn't have let you go alone with him," Luda Mae said.
Lizzy stopped breathing for a moment as her body went stiff. "No," she replied automatically. "You shouldn't have."
"But-"
But they wouldn't have gotten Chance. She'd still be an outcast in his family despite his best efforts. She would still be worried for her life. Fearful that one misstep would end her on one of those meat hooks in the basement. She would care for Tommy, but not the way she felt for him now. She wouldn't have trusted or loved him as she did now.
"No," Elizabeth said, shaking her head, interrupting Luda Mae before she could continue. "No buts. Hoyt broke me, Luda Mae." Despite the good that had proceeded, it was a heavy price to pay. It could have been avoided if she hadn't felt the need to protect herself. "There's a part of me that's still broken. And I don't know if it'll ever get completely fixed."
Time was helping and Tommy was doing his best. But, Hoyt was still around, still a threat. He probably would always be a threat to her. He'd be waiting for some royal fuck up from her end to finally pounce again. But, she couldn't dwell on that.
"But, let's not talk about that now," Lizzy said. "As pretty as this dress is, it'd be silly to get it. It'll just be the seven of us in the end, Luda Mae. Honestly, I'm sure we can transform that third dress into something that rivals this one."
Luda Mae shook her head. "I don't see why we should put in the time and work when we can get this lovely gown," she said.
Lizzy curled her fingers into a fist.
"I guess," she managed to say. Turning on her heels, she went back to the dressing room. There was no point in arguing, especially in the middle of the shop. She'd just have to keep insisting once they get home. Or, spin a tale to convince Tommy that the dress was unnecessary so he would back her up.
Mixed feelings flowed through her. Luda Mae was actually trying to make things right. Or, trying to apologize and mean it. But, buying the wedding dress wasn't going to fix or make what had happened to her right. Although, it was nice to hear Luda Mae actually sound regretful.
"Still can't afford it," she whispered to herself as she held the fabric in her hands. They couldn't afford it. And she didn't want the family to get into unnecessary debt because of her.
"A baby will only make money tighter," she mumbled as she planned another speech to give to Luda Mae. The woman raised Tommy. She had to know that babies weren't cheap.
A baby.
Lizzy grunted as she pulled up her jeans. It was time to start talking and making plans for that too. Turn that from wishful planning to actual planning. With the amount of unprotected sex they were having, there was no telling when she'd actually get pregnant. It was also made worse by the fact that she didn't have regular periods. Going to the doctor was really the only way she would be able to know for sure, shy from showing obvious signs.
Chills ran down her spine at the thought.
Dr. Hawkins had yet to show up to any family function. And, Luda Mae hadn't mentioned him when Lizzy asked who they would invite to the wedding. But, that didn't mean much. There were only two people who could have given Hoyt the information about her IUD. The nurse or Dr. Hawkins. She hadn't seen the nurse either.
Lizzy bit her lip. One thing was clear, she couldn't trust the whole damn office. The problem was, once she got pregnant she might have to see him. Unless Luda Mae would be willing to drive her to another town. Unfortunately, the closest town was at least an hour away. Time. Money.
Lizzy ran her fingers through her hair for a moment, then pressed her hand against her neck. She was going to have to start paying better attention to her body and any possible changes. Grabbing her shirt to put it on, she paused. Slowly, she ran her hands along her flat stomach and tilted her head to one side. She hadn't really given herself much of a look over the last few weeks. She didn't feel the need to. But, as she turned and gave herself a better look in the mirror, she realized Luda Mae was right. She had gotten slightly larger. Although it was hardly noticeable at the same time. Maybe it was just their imaginations. Or hope?
Her mind went through the little checklist she learned in school when it came to being pregnant. Signs to look out for.
She squeezed her breasts. They felt tender, but that could be explained away by the sex she had yesterday. She had also been feeling a bit fatigued during the last few weeks, but figured that was because of all the excitement and keeping herself busy with the house.
Taking in a deep breath, she slowly let it out. There really wasn't much to go on that couldn't be explained away. Still. She'd have to keep a close eye on herself. Tell Tommy? No , she thought. At least, not yet. She didn't want him to get too excited only for it to be a false alarm.
A sharp knock made her jump. "Mr. Wells said he'd hold the dress for us for a week," Henrietta said excitedly.
Lizzy felt her heart skip a beat and for a moment she was happy.
"Sounds good, Etta," she replied back.
She stared at the dress for a moment, before putting it back on the hanger. She did want it, but, if she was pregnant then that would be another reason not to get it. It wasn't designed to be let out. It would be even more of a waste if she couldn't wear it. So many reasons why she shouldn't get it.
At least they weren't buying it immediately. She had a week to convince them to not buy it at all.
