Trigger Warning
Sabrina's POV
I had dropped I love you on Josh and I was so nervous but hearing that he loved me back was the best feeling in the world. I was so sure of my feelings and it felt really good. We cuddled for a little longer before I went to see what Rowan was up to. I had a lot of time last night to think of something to say but there isn't anything I know much about to help her. I know being there is enough and just trying my best to help her get through it. Then supporting her and what decisions she makes about the baby and reporting Kendall. As long as she's being safe I'm going to be the most supportive friend ever because she deserves it.
"Row?" I entered her room and saw her writing in her notebook.
She looked up and half smiled. "Hey."
I walked over to her and sat down. "You're writing?" I asked her as she was holding her guitar.
Rowan nodded. "Thanks to Josh for telling me it would help." She twirled the pencil in her hand.
I was surprised. "Has it helped?" I noticed she had a lot written down.
"Yeah it has a lot actually." She smiled. "It's sorted a lot of things out in my head for me."
"Can I hear some of it?" I asked her smiling. I was so happy Josh was able to get through to her.
Josh appeared in the doorway. "I'd love to hear it too."
"Okay." She said softly and picked up the guitar.
Rowan's POV
I spent all morning working on this song. I had a lot of it in my head during the whole mess that was my relationship. It has been so hard to talk about what I was feeling inside. I think Josh reminded me of the outlet that has helped me so much. I took a deep breath and started playing.
I've been bruised and I've been broken, can't believe that I put up with all this pain. I've been used and I was choking on the promise I would never fall again.
I used to sing to your twisted symphony. The words that had me trapped inside your misery, but now I know the reason why I couldn't breathe
All I want is everything you're not so go ahead and slam the door, you can't shut me out and no I don't, I don't care what you say
All I really, all I really want is everything you're not, everything you're not not not.
Your darkness was my weakness but it turns out that it only went so deep. A meaningless diversion that is all that you ever meant to me.
and I am done with your twisted symphony. The words that had me sound like stolen poetry I tore the pages and I can finally breathe.
All I want is everything you're not. So go ahead and slam the door you can't shut me out and no I don't, I don't care what you say
All I really, all I really want is everything you're not I want a gentleman who treats me like a queen
I need respect, I need love
Nothing in between
I will not spell it out for you if you can't see cause you're not worthy, you don't deserve me and now I'm gone.
Everything you're not, not, not Everything you're not, not, not
All I want is everything you're not so go ahead and slam the door, you can't shut me out and no I don't, I don't care what you say
All I really, all I really want is everything you're not, everything you're not not not.
Never gonna break my heart again. Never gonna see your face again. Never wanna feel this way again.
Sabrina clapped her hands along with Josh. "Wow that was amazing." She hugged me tightly.
Josh came over and joined the hug. "You have a talent right there." He chuckled.
We pulled away. "Thanks guys." I smiled.
"I'm really proud of you for realizing you don't deserve what happened to you." Josh said, it made me feel nice hearing someone was proud of me when I started feeling proud of myself.
Sabrina had tears in her eyes. "I'm so glad you're okay." She hugged me again.
It meant the world to me that Sabrina and Josh liked the song. I put up with the pain caused by Kendall for too long, I lied to my friends, my family and most importantly myself. He had me trapped inside his darkness but now that I escaped, nothing can defeat me again. It took so long for me to realize my worth and now that I have I won't let myself get sucked into something like that again. Kendall broke everything in my life into so many pieces with his darkness but he can't take anything else from me again. I finally know that my life belongs to me. It's not all magically better but I'm taking my life back and that makes me feel like I can breathe again.
Josh, Sabrina and I went to the movies to get out and do something fun. I needed a night out pretty badly. I thought about inviting Lucas but I needed things not to be heavy for a night. Thankfully my parents weren't home and didn't know I left. It was great and Jamie took us to get something to eat afterwards. We didn't talk about Kendall or the baby. They didn't treat me differently, they gave me the night of normal I really wanted. I felt so grateful to them for doing so and allowing me to have sometime to think.
The next day I was greeted that morning by my lovely best friend who was bragging about Josh saying he loved her. I was so happy for her and Josh. They fit so perfect together that it warms my heart.
"So do you know what you're going to do?" Sabrina asked me wondering as she noticed my stomach growing bigger by the day.
"Not yet but I'm not pushing it away I promise." I had been thinking about my options for awhile and I knew what I wanted but I had to be sure.
"What does Jamie say?" She asked me.
"I haven't talked about the baby to him because I asked for time to think and everyone's been giving that to me." I smiled at my brother being so supportive. I didn't want to tell anyone my decision because I didn't want to be talked out of it.
"I'm on your side for what you decide." Sabrina offered all of her support.
After Sabrina left I started thinking about everything. I stared at my small bump in the mirror and put my hand on it. I knew in that moment what I wanted and what I had to do. It's not easy but I will get through it, knowing I made the best decision for myself. I laid in my bed and fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning still sure of myself. I went over to Lucas' house and I waited outside pacing back and fourth. I had to sneak out. My parents had grounded me but I needed to talk to Lucas. Jamie and Josh were helping uncle Shawn move furniture around so I knew that this was my only chance. It had been three days since I told him the truth. I hadn't seen him since and I was nervous. The door creaked open and he stood there greeting me with a hug. It felt so nice to be in the warm arms of someone who cared about me without there being fear.
"Hey, what's going on? I thought you were grounded?" Lucas asked as he pulled away.
"I am, but I had to see you." I stared in his green eyes.
He smiled softly."How did telling your parents go?" Lucas asked.
"I didn't tell them yet. There's something I need to do first." I said watching his smile fade.
"What do you need to do?" He questioned as we both walked over and sat down on the porch swing.
"I took the weekend in and thought about my decisions and I realized how much I don't want to be a mother." I took a deep breath. "The only decision that makes sense to me is getting an abortion." I looked at him for a reaction but he didn't have one.
"Are you sure that's what you want?" Lucas wanted me to be sure of my decisions.
"I don't want to raise a child that was conceived in such a tragic way. A baby deserves to be born into love not this." I shook my head, trying to be-rid of the pain I felt so deeply. "This is what I want and I'm ready." I said confidently.
"I think as long as you're sure of yourself, than you're making a great decision and I'm here for you." Lucas put his arm around me.
I knew I was ready for this. I had made an appointment before I came over to Lucas' house. I had to go to the hospital and they would take care of it. I didn't need anything else. I didn't want my parents to know until it was over. I couldn't have anyone try and change my mind. I knew what I wanted and I was going to go take control over my life. It felt empowering.
What happened in that room was something I will never forget for my lifetime.
Author's Note:
The song is by Demi Lovato it's called Everything You're Not and it's a song that is on my writing playlist and Demi wrote that song when she was Rowan's age. I've always thought the song was really special about finding yourself and knowing your worth so I decided to include it in the chapter. I might do that sometimes with other songs I feel like fit Rowan and the story but don't worry it's not going to be all the time. (Lucas and Rowan are not going to be rushed I've seen the concerns don't worry)
