Rowan's POV
I laid in bed all day the next two days after the abortion the recovery wasn't worst than any of the pain Kendall caused me. It's crazy to say that the pain he's put me through has made my pain tolerance change completely. It was sad. I wasn't feeling the emotions the way I knew I was suppose to. It was easier to suppress them but it was harder now that most people in my life knew everything I've gone through. I knew needed them all to know. It's better for my mental health to not keep things as secrets anymore. I haven't talked to my friends or anyone besides my family since it happened. I needed a few days to disconnect. Abortion wasn't an easy thing to do. I was lucky enough to have a brother like Jamie being there for me. I need to trust him more. I was seconds from falling asleep before my parents walked in. My dad looked pissed and my mom looked heartbroken. I felt so much anxiety. I shot up and my mom went over to my sock drawer. I knew in that moment that she knew. She opened it up and grabbed the pregnancy test, that Kendall forced me to take. They both looked at me and waited for my explanation.
"I'm not pregnant." I said to ease their minds. It was true, I wasn't pregnant anymore.
My dad's face over came with relief but my mom was still questioning things. "Why do you have this then?" She asked me with a stern look on her face.
I sighed knowing that the truth I promised them was coming out. "This is going to be hard to hear." I warned them.
"Just talk to us honey." My dad wasn't grasping how serious things were by my warning.
"Can we go into the living room and sit down?" I asked my parents mostly out of need for my big brother's help. I didn't want to see my parents go through this and especially not alone.
They agreed and I followed them out of my room. I excused myself to the bathroom first but I was really heading to Jamie's room. I was filled with anxiety and fear at all the possibilities that could happen once let out the truth.
"Jamie?" I said after I knocked on his door and walked in. Josh must have been with Sabrina. It was good that they weren't hear they didn't need to hear every detail over again. It was too hard to take on that many peoples pain along with my own.
He looked up as I walked into the bedroom. "What's going on?" My brother asked me, seeing the emotions written on my face.
"Mom and dad found out and it's time to tell them everything." I said nervously.
He got up and put his hands on my shoulders. "You can do this." Jamie encouraged me with a sweet smile.
I shook my head as my eyes filled with water. "I don't know, I don't know." I said repeatedly, covering my eyes.
"Hey, hey no." My brother said to get my attention. He wiped a tear from my eye. "I'll be by your side but I know you won't need my help because of how strong you are."
I felt more at ease with how much my brother believed in me. If only I believed in myself as much as he did. I got a hold of my emotions and walked with him to get this over with. I was ready to do this, I kept thinking to make myself believe it.
We all sat in the living room. "What's going on Rowan?" My dad asked noticing how serious things got.
I looked at Jamie and he rubbed my back. "You got this." My brother whispered to me.
I do have this. "I'm not pregnant but I was two days ago." I said without breaking into tears. "Before you start yelling, you should know that I was raped. I didn't not choose this." I looked over at my brother and nodded my head for helping me realize.
My parents were speechless. "What?!" My dad said looking at me with watery eyes and back at my mom who was tearing up but not even able to speak.
"I'm okay." I warned them to calm their emotions. "I've seen a doctor recently and it's been hard." I paused, seeing my dad crying hurt. "But I know I'll overcome things with support. I need you guys." I let out a cry but held in the tears. I had to stay strong for my family and for myself.
My dad came over to me and held me tightly. He was shaking as was I. My mom was frozen to the couch. "I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I didn't even notice." My dad said while holding me, I felt the guilt and pain in his voice and it made me want to break down but I held myself together.
"It's okay daddy. You couldn't have known." I pulled away to see tears in my dad's eyes. I looked over at my mom she was in shock but I knew she was just processing everything. This is something no parents want to hear from their child.
"Rowan's been really strong in all of this, you both should be really proud of her." Jamie stated proudly as rubbed my shoulder. He was getting emotional too.
"What happened?" My mom said trying to understand all of this, she needed more information.
I took a deep breath. "I didn't know I was raped, he convinced me nothing happened after he drugged me." I saw my brother's face tense up just thinking about this and my dad was filled with concern. "I kept dating him and he was sweet at first but he got very violet with me and somehow I found myself thinking I was in love with a master manipulator." I gazed over at my mom who had been crying. "I got out when I found out I was pregnant, I was done but he tried to hurt me again and this time I was so scared he was going to kill me." I let out a tear and watched my dad's eyes widen. Jamie was taking deep breathes to calm down but I knew he wanted to smash a window. "I couldn't bring a child into something so ugly and scary so I took care of things." I swallowed the lump in my throat.
My mom looked up at me and she pulled me in, sobbing. "I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry." I cried in my mother's arms and felt my dad's wrapped around us.
It was hard seeing this reaction more than anyone else. It was hard ever admitting to anything because of all the shame I did feel. My family and friends have been right there by my side helping me understand that I shouldn't feel any type of shame for what had be done to me. I knew that and I was working on it. We sat there for a long time, crying and talking then more crying and more talking. It was hours of decision making and planning what the next steps were. It was nice that they were letting me have a say in what I wanted to do. They respected that it was my decision to make. It felt good to gain control of my life. I felt proud of myself for everything after I admitted the truth to my parents out loud. I watched my parents grieve the Rowan they've know for the past fifteen years. I was still here and I was still me but it wasn't ever going to be the same. I wasn't a kid anymore I understood that and all I can do now is grow.
All of this has tested my strength and with the help of the people I care about, I can get through all of this. I had my family, my parents there to hold the pieces of me back together, to remind me of who I am. I had my big brother to protect me from anything especially my own head. I had my best friend in the whole world, Sabrina who brings a side of me out that feels the most authentic version of myself. My uncle Josh reminded me to pour my pain into art, which is so therapeutic. Then I had Lucas by my side who has been so amazing to me. He keeps me so open and honest with myself and to the people I loved. I was so lucky to have amazing support, I was lucky to have survived and I plan to keep fighting. I knew I could because I finally believed in myself and it felt great.
