Trigger warning
Rowan's POV
Kendall was fueled with emotions that I couldn't identify. I knew he was angry and upset with my choices. I hoped he wouldn't take it out on me. We sat there for awhile, I just kept thinking about how I had missed every sign of him being ill. I figured he was an asshole because of the way he was raised but I was too brainwashed to see he was suffering himself with something a lot deeper than him. It didn't justify his actions, nothing does but it possibly could've all been prevented if he had received therapy. I wish I would've listened to Jamie about him from the start. I thought so much about my regrets I almost forgot where I was. He didn't look at me again until we pulled away and started driving. I couldn't tell where we were going and It was scary. I wasn't afraid of the pain he caused me but I was scared of is instability. I know mental illness is unpredictable. We drove for awhile until we came across this abandon bridge so far from town. Kendall got out and shut the door. I was confused but I got out to follow him. It was dark and he had taken the keys with him. He couldn't hurt me more than he's already done.
"Kendall?" I shouted from behind. "Where are you going?" I didn't want to be around him but I didn't think it was safe for him or myself to be alone out here. I knew he was dangerous to others. I caught up to him and saw he looked like he was crying. I was surprised to see this side of him that had been missing for a long time. Kendall was muttering to himself.
Kendall looked at me. "Please forgive me. I will do anything." We both knew I couldn't do that.
"Kendall, Calm down." I tried to get him to relax.
He fell to his knees and cried. "Why? Why am I like this?" He cried as I walked toward him.
It was similar to the beginning of our relationship when he would hit me and feel guilty but it was different this time. I wasn't his puppet, I was my own person and I wasn't going to let him manipulate me. "You're sick Kendall. We need to get you help." I was sympathetic but not forgiving.
Kendall looked defeated similar to how I've looked after hours of emotional distress. I recognized the pain he was in and I knew he wasn't going do anything to me. He wanted my forgiveness to end his suffering but I couldn't give that to him and he's beginning to understand that. "I don't know what to do." He repeated a few times as he rubbed his head.
"Let's go to the hospital. They'll take care of you Kendall." I asked him knowing it was a long shot.
"No!" Kendall yelled, looking at me for more answers. "I can't do that Rowan." He wanted his freedom.
I sighed. "I don't know how you can change but I know that if you don't get help you're only going to hurt more people and yourself." I pleaded for him to agree to come with me.
"You're right. I know I need to get help but I don't want to be like this." Kendall explained his guilt and fear but being locked away.
"We can't do this anymore. I deserve to be free from all of this." I teared up. "Don't you understand that?" I asked.
Kendall nodded. "I do but I don't want to loose you." He knew he was being selfish.
I felt better knowing he was actually listening and understanding me. It felt good knowing my abuser understood my pain. "You lost me a long time ago Kendall." I said honestly staring into his eyes. "But we both know that."
"Rowan-" He tried to argue.
"We need to go back home." I asked him sternly. I was ready to go home. I couldn't be here anymore. I heard what I needed and got the answers I've been wondering for a long time.
He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "Please don't leave me." He begged as I saw so much fear in his face. He reached out for my hand.
"No you don't get to do that." I shook my head and stood my ground. "You can't ask me to be there for you when you caused me so much pain and fear."
He nodded in agreement. "I'm so sorry." Kendall showed remorse but it didn't make much of a difference there was too much hurt there.
"I know." It felt nice to hear.
Kendall stood up and he looked at me. "I know I can never make it better for you but you don't deserve to be afraid anymore." He said looking down.
"What do you mean?" I asked him and he saw the fear in my eyes.
Kendall stood up on the ledge of the bridge and my eyes widened. "I'm sorry for everything Rowan. I loved you but I don't deserve to be here anymore." He cried.
I shook my head and swallowed the lump in my throat. "Kendall n-no" I pleaded. "Please don't do this." I didn't want this.
"Goodbye." Kendall said before he jumped over.
"Kendall!" I screamed with fear filling my lungs.
I was in shock, I ran over to the side and saw he was just gone. The time slowed down and I was sick to my stomach. My body was numb. I snapped out of it and I ran to the car to find a phone but it was locked. I was panicking, terrified I ran till I saw a car and I banged on the window and told them to call the police. I ran back to the bridge and went down the icy cold water, searching for him. I couldn't walk away and let him do this. I screamed his name for what seemed forever. I didn't love him, I didn't like him but he was a human and he needed help. The water was freezing and I was shaking. After awhile I heard sirens, my body was so cold I couldn't even feel myself being pulled out by the medics. I screamed at them that it wasn't me who needed help. They sent a search party to find Kendall. I was taken to the hospital to make sure I was alright. I was scared about loosing him. I deserved justice not to watch a man die. I wanted that chance to stick up for all the girls like me. I wanted him to have a chance to get better. Before my family could even arrive a detective came in to tell me they found his body. Just when I thought I was strong enough to handle anything that came my way life decides to break me even more.
Author's Note:
Hey I'm still around I just wanted you all to know I didn't give up I'm going through a lot of allergy related health problems, usually in the spring and summer my allergies get bad but it's very difficult these past few weeks balancing work and being sick with the loss my my cat I had for 15 years. I will be updating everything with Rowan and Kendall are written I just have to write Maya's side and I can continue. Let me know if you have any requests for Josh and Maya I'm open to ideas :)
