Rowan's POV

It's been two months since Kendall took his own life. I didn't talk for two days after it happened. I was in shock from what I had witnessed and how my life got here. It was such a dark couple of weeks. I don't know how I survived it when I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. I've gotten better. Since then I've been in therapy. I won't talk to my family or friends about it and they know it. I can't express the pain to them anymore it's too much. They stopped asking me if I was okay or needed to talk which I'm thankful for. I want to put my past and my pain behind me and move on. It wasn't going to be easy but it was something I needed to do to survive. If I was going to sit here and grieve over the loss of my childhood and my sanity I would not be able to do get out of bed. I've seen too much shit and I've been through way to much hurt for a lifetime and there's nothing else that can tear me down. I wanted to live the rest of my life with no regrets. I wanted to have fun and be reckless for once. I tried following the rules and being a good girl my entire life and that got me nothing but misery. I'm ready for my next journey.

"Hey Rowan." I heard come from behind me as I walked into the kitchen, I jumped out of my skin.

I turned around and saw my best friend. "What the fuck!" I yelled.

"I'm so sorry." Sabrina said with guilt.

I was still a bit jumpy from the trauma. "It's okay." I sat down at the table with a bowl of cereal.

Sabrina joined me. "Where's Josh and Jamie?" She asked me. Lately everyone was pretty much all over the place.

I took a sip of my water bottle. "No idea. Did you hear about that party tonight?" I asked her.

She nodded. "Josh and I were talking about going but I'm not sure if he wants to." Sabrina explained.

"Oh I'm going." I informed her.

Sabrina was surprised. "Really?" I nodded in annoyced. "I guess we'll come then. Are you inviting Lucas?" She asked me.

I poured more cereal in my bowl. "I already did. He's picking me up in a couple of hours." I could tell Sabrina wanted to say something but she held back. Progress with her.

We finished eating and Sabrina went to go find Josh. I got in the shower before getting ready. I found a black dress in my closet that barely fit me anymore. It was perfect. I wanted to look hot and have fun.

Lucas' POV

I stood next to Rowan at some senior's party. I didn't expect Rowan to want to go out. She refuses to talk about that night with Kendall. We're all so worried about her but she insists she's fine. Cory and Topanga took her to see someone but she won't talk about that either. The only thing I can do, that any of us can do is make her feel normal like she asked and if that means taking her to a stupid party will make her feel better that's what we're going to do. As the party went on I went outside and called Jamie to let him know everything was going smooth. He put a lot of distance from his sister in the past couple of weeks. Jamie was feeling so guilty that he figured giving Rowan her space but making sure her friends looked after her at the same time was for the best. I went back inside and saw Rowan downing a plastic cup.

"Lucas? Wanna dance?" She asked me, slurring her words.

"Are you drunk?" I was shocked. Rowan was not the type.

"Maybe." She giggled and grabbed my arm.

We danced for awhile and it felt nice, holding her in my arms. I wanted her to be okay with everything in me.

Sabrina's POV

I stood in Josh's arms as we danced to slow music. It was kinda romantic although we were surrounded by a ton of drunk teenagers, it didn't matter. When I'm with Josh it feels like we are the only two people in the world. I pulled away and stood on my tippy toes, placing a kiss on his lips. He was so cute.

"I love you." I said wrapping my arms around his neck.

He smiled sweetly. "I love you too." Josh placed his hands on my waist.

"You know my birthday this week." I smirked at my boyfriend.

Josh nodded. "Of course. Sweet sixteen." I giggled in excitement.

He looked funny. "What?" I asked him as his face was cold.

Josh shook his head. "It's nothing." I could tell that something was going on.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" I asked him as he nodded his head.

I was noticing lately that whenever I mentioned my birthday he acted strange. I wondered if it was about having sex. I knew that I was ready to be with him but maybe he wasn't so sure of that. I understood he probably wanted to sure. I had to let him know how excited I was to take that next step with him. We went upstairs to a vacant bedroom. I sat on the bed and patted the sheets for him to join me. I could tell he was nervous and it was sweet.

"I love you Josh. You know that right?" I reassured him.

He looked into my eyes. "Of course I do Sabrina. I love you too." Josh kissed my cheek.

I looked at him. "I know that you are probably reluctant to want take the next level with me based on the way you've been acting." I said as I scanned his face. He was sweating. "Josh this wasn't just something I decided yesterday. It's something I've been thinking about for awhile." I took his hand. "I'm sure of this."

Josh's POV

Having to listen to Sabrina pour her heart out to me made me feel so guilty. I was sweating and my legs were shaking. I had to tell her about all the lies I kept this whole time. I couldn't wait any longer and ruin her birthday. She looked at me with such love and passion in her eyes. I wasn't worthy of being loved by something this kind and loving. I was terrified about telling Sabrina the truth. I couldn't lose her.

"There's something I need to tell me and once I do." I paused as her passion turned into confusion. "You'll never look at me the same ever again."

"What is to Josh?" She looked at me with such concern. I couldn't think of a word that would make this easier. "Please just tell me!" Sabrina took my hands.

I took a deep breath. "Okay. I'll tell you." I felt like throwing up. "The reason that I've been putting off having sex with you is because the last time I had sex something happened." I looked into her eyes, she sat there confused and waiting for me to explain myself. "The girl. She got pregnant." I looked away to avoid eye contact.

Sabrina's mouth dropped. "What do you mean she got pregnant?" I could hear the unpleasant tone in her voice. "You got another girl pregnant?" She wanted answers but I froze. "So what you just have a kid back in Philadelphia?" Sabrina questioned in disbelief and anger.

I stood up. "No it's more complicated than that Sab." I felt so ashamed for plenty of things but seeing the way she looked at me broke my heart.

She shook her head. "I don't believe this! How could you lie to me like that?" Sabrina's eyes watered.

"I'm sorry Sabrina." I couldn't see her hurt like this.

Sabrina's POV

I was fuming with anger. How could he do this? I was ready to be intimate with the man I loved. Josh ruined everything. He lied to me for months and let me fall in love with a man who would abandon his own child. My parents left me and he saw that aftermath. I couldn't understand something that could do that.

"Sabrina." Josh whispered. "Please let me explain." He reached for my hand.

I pulled away with disgust. "No." I stood up, looking down at him. "There is nothing for you to explain. I won't be lied to by a man that could abandon a child." A tear fell from my face.

"You and I are done."

My heart was broken.


Josh's POV

I watched the girl I love walk away from me. I couldn't explain myself and it hurt that she could think of me so negativity. I needed to think and explain everything but I had no idea where to start. I felt terrible about hiding this from her for so long but it's too painful for me to talk about it. I spent all night thinking and walked to her house at the crack of dawn. I waited till she came outside for school. She saw me and rolled her eyes as she passed by.

"Sabrina please!" I pleaded as she walks further.

"Leave me the hell alone" She stopped in her tracks. "I'm done."

I knew this wasn't going to be easy. "Listen to me please. Five minutes it's all that I'll ever ask you for." Sabrina crossed her arms.

"You got two." She looked at me with pain all over her face.

"I didn't abandon my child." I stated. My hands were shaking.

Sabrina scuffed. "Please."

"I didn't! It's complicated." I took a deep breath. "The girl that I got pregnant her name was Amy. She died." I swallowed my pain away.

"What?" Sabrina was shocked.

"She got in with the wrong crowd and using drugs. I was wasn't much better back then but she had a real problem." The pain and memories came flooding in and I held back tears. "She tried so hard to get clean for most of her pregnancy but towards the end she gave in." My eyes swelled with tears. "She went into early labor and had respiratory failure"

"What happened to your child?" Sabrina's face softened.

"My son was born early and addicted to drugs." I rubbed my eyes, trying not to breakdown.

Sabrina took my hand. "It's okay Josh. You can talk to me." Hearing her compassion gave me strength.

"He was so tiny but so beautiful and he was a fighter." I cried. "We picked out the name Julian months before he was born." I looked at Sabrina, seeing tears streaming down her face. "He made it four weeks but he was just not strong enough." Those words I said to her have echoed my mind from the moment the doctor broke the news to me.

Sabrina pulled me into her arms as I cried on her shoulder.