Sabrina's POV

My heart broke for Josh. Losing a child, I couldn't fathom the type of strength it takes to keep going after something like that. I couldn't believe everything he's gone through and all by himself. I knew he was still hurting. It was so much pain to handle for one person. It must run in the family, dealing with things and not wanting help. I wish he had told me sooner but it didn't change anything. I still love this boy with everything in me. I might even love him more for opening his heart to me. I'm so proud of him and his strength. He means everything to me.

We ditched school that day. I figured it was the last thing he needed right now. I just wanted to be with him. I wanted to get to know this side of him that I had no idea existed. We went up to my room and laid there, talking about everything.

"Did you love her? Amy?" I wondered as we laid in each other's arms.

Josh paused. "I had love for her before and after everything that happened between us but I was never madly in love with her." He said cupping my hand.

"How do you know the difference between loving her and being in love with her?" I asked curiously.

"I didn't know until I fell in love with you." Josh kissed my head.

I smiled softly. "You know I don't think anything less of you because of your past right?" I reassured him. "I love you for who you've become."

He nodded. "You don't know how good that makes me feel." We smiled.

I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you." I kissed his lips.

"I love you too." He rubbed my cheek with his thumb and smiled as he leaned back in and kissed me.

Rowan's POV

I opened my eyes to the bright beaming sunlight in my eyes and the pounding pain in my head. How much did I drink last night. I pulled the pillow over my eyes. I didn't even remember most of last night but I knew I needed water. My throat was so dry. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, realizing I wasn't in my own bed. I screamed in fear. My whole body was shaking. My heart was beating so fast.

"Rowan are you okay?" Lucas asked as he ran out of the bathroom half dressed. I couldn't speak. "Row? It's just me you're okay. It's okay." He sat down next to me after seeing the fear in my eyes. "Here. Drink this and you'll feel better." Lucas handed me a bottle of water.

I grabbed it with my shaky hands and took the longest sip. "Lucas." I cried.

"Hey it's okay Row. Nothing happened last night I promise you." Lucas said but I was still shaking. "You got really drunk and I didn't think you would want your parents to see you in that shape." He explained to me.

I started to calm down. "I'm sorry. It's just not waking up in my own bed scared me." I took a deep breath.

He nodded. "I should've realized it might freak you out. I'm sorry." Lucas grabbed a bottle of advil and handed me two pills. "By the way I slept on the couch if you were worried about that."

I took the medicine and grabbed my phone. "Where do my parents think I am?" I asked Lucas.

"At Sabrina's. I had her text them last night." Lucas stood up and grabbed a shirt.

I sighed. "Sabrina knows?" I didn't want her to know any of this. She's going to want to talk about it.

"Yeah sorry. I panicked when you were passed out in the grass at the party last night. I had to call an uber." Lucas was clearly mad at me. I understood why he was.

"Well thanks for what you did last night." I felt bad having to burden him like this.

"I'd do anything for you Rowan and you know that." He said before walking into the bathroom.

I got up and threw my hair in a messy bun as I fought the urge to throw up. I grabbed my stuff and left.

I felt so depressed and empty. I hadn't felt this low in awhile. I thought I could move on. I thought I was moving on but I don't know anymore. I was in so much pain inside. I felt like I was alone. I was, no one understood my pain. I know my friends want to be there for me and I know they're listening to me but they don't understand my pain. The things I've gone through. It's hard to talk about it with people when they just can't understand.

Lucas's POV

I walked out of the bathroom two minutes after getting dressed for school and noticed that Rowan was gone. I felt so stupid. I should've kept a better eye on her. I sighed and dialed Jamie's number.

"Hey Jamie. She just left. It was my mistake. I took my eye off of her for a minute. I'm sorry." I informed Rowan's older brother.

"Okay thanks for letting me know and taking care of my sister last night. It's great she has a friend like you looking after her." Jamie said appreciative. "Don't worry about her leaving. It's fine."

"Of course. Thanks for trusting me." I hung up and finished getting ready for school.

It was hard lying to Rowan. She didn't deserve to be lied to but I had to for her own good. I know if she finds out she might not speak to me anymore but her brother needed to know. She's not going to get better if she's keeping secrets and not dealing with the trauma she's been through this year. I wanted nothing more to see my friend again. I missed the bubbly girl I once knew. I know that she's never going to be that girl again but she's not this girl either. I wanted to help her find who she is now. We all want to protect her and it hurts seeing her in so much pain but I wasn't going to let her keep running away from her trauma.

Rowan's POV

I walked halfway to school before I saw my brothers car drive up next to me. I gulped as he rolled down the window to tell me to get in. I opened the door I got in and knew I was in big trouble. I sat there for a minute in silence waiting for him to yell at me but he didn't. It was nice. We drove quietly home. I was confused but I got out of the car and ran up to my room and got changed for school. The house was empty so clearly my parents didn't know what went on last night. I threw on black pants and a blue hoodie. I was back in the car ten minutes later. Still no yelling.

"Here." Jamie handed me a coffee from starbucks and a bagel. "You're going to need it."

I took it. "Thanks." This was different.

We drove to school and as we pulled up I went to get out but my brother stopped me. "Wait a second Rowan."

"What?" I asked my brother as his face softened.

"I know you're going through hell right now Row but you can't shut us out." Jamie said with teary eyes. "It's okay what you did last night. No one is judging you. We're just worried about you. We love you and no matter what we will be here for you when you're ready."

I nodded. "Thank you." A tear rolled down my face. I wiped it quickly and got out of the car.

I wanted to say more to my brother but my mind was so screwed up right now I couldn't. I felt so broken inside and I didn't know how to fix it.