Rowan's POV

I kept reliving that kiss over and over again the rest of the night. It was amazing. It was genuine. Romantic. It was the first time I've felt normal in a really long time. Lucas has always been there for me and I'm so grateful for that friendship. I'm scared to screw things up and lose him. I don't know what I would do without him. I don't want to hurt him like I have and I'm so lost on what to do. I knew that I needed to talk to Sabrina.

"What's up?" Sabrina asked as she walked into my room, curious from my cryptic phone call.

She sat down with me at the bay window. "Last night Lucas and I went onto the roof. He made this big romantic set up and we kissed." I bit my lip waiting for Sabrina's reaction.

Her eye widened. "Wow!" She exclaimed, she was speechless. "That's a big step Row."

I nodded. "Yeah." I paused realizing she wasn't excited. "What do you think about that?" I wondered.

She looked at me uncomfortable. "It's not my place but I think that maybe starting a relationship might not be the best thing right now." Sabrina tiptoed around me.

"I know and I'm not sure if I'm ready but I really like being around him. He makes me feel like myself." Sabrina shook her head, understanding. "I'm not the same person I was before all the bad in my life but he reminds me of the person I was and the person that I can be." I smiled at the thought of the possibilities. "Lucas makes me feel stronger."

Sabrina smiled. "I want that for you, I do but If you rush into a relationship too soon and you're not healed enough. It could do a lot of damage to you and him." She patted my back. "You will get a happy ending but if you're running to find one you'll fall before you get there."

What she said made a lot of sense. I guess it wasn't what I was looking for. I think my subconscious wanted her to tell me to go for it. I wanted permission from someone other than myself because I don't trust my decisions anymore.

There was a knock at my door. "Come in." I said.

Jamie walked in. "Mom wants us to go shopping for dinner." He announced.

"That's my cue to head out." Sabrina laughed, she gives me a hug. "It'll work out. I know it will."


Jamie and I walked into the market. I pulled out the list.

"Why on earth do we need three kinds of milk?" I was baffled.

"Mom likes coconut milk in her coffee, 2% milk in everything else, dad will only drink whole milk." Jamie said, grabbing avocados.

"Of course he has to make it difficult." I rolled my eyes.

Jamie puts the fruit in the cart, looking at me weirdly. "So what were you and Sabrina talking about earlier?" He asked me.

I was debating on telling him but I realized he would be honest with me and that's what I need. "Lucas and I kissed and I've been thinking about what to do and if I want to date if I'm ready to." I looked over at my brother as I pushed the cart.

He raised his eyebrow. "What does your heart say?" Jamie asked me, taking this information in.

"My heart wants Lucas but it wanted Kendall so I don't know how to trust myself." I sighed.

He looked at me, understanding. "Yeah you were wrong but Lucas isn't Kendall. You aren't the same person you use to be and you need to remember that." Jamie encouraged me.

"Is it that simple? To want to be with him and just do that? I don't know if anything in my life can be that simple anymore." I said honestly. I stopped that cart in front of the pasta section and grabbed bowtie noodles.

Jamie grabbed my shoulders to get my focus. "Listen you need to start trusting yourself again. If you don't you'll never grow farther than you are now and that would be a shame because you've grown so far these past few months." I nodded, agreeing. "I know you're scared of getting hurt or hurting Lucas but if you want to be with him then you should try. If you aren't ready I know he'll understand." He let go.

"How do you know?" I asked him.

"Because that boy loves you." Jamie smiled.

I smiled.


I spent the night thinking about what they said and I knew what I had to do. I walked up to Lucas' house and knocked. I was so nervous but ready to talk about the kiss and everything I discovered while talking to Sabrina and Jamie. I wanted to follow my heart and I don't know if I'm ready but I wanted to pursue this. Life is too short not to take each moment you have with someone important to you. Lucas was important to me.

Lucas opened the door. "Rowan." He said surprised, he stepped out of his house and closed the door. "What's going on?" He asked wondering what I was doing here.

I was a little confused at his reaction. "I wanted to talk about a few things." I smiled, nervously.

"Yeah okay what did you want to talk about?" He asked me.

"Can we go inside?" I didn't want to discuss this moment in his dirty driveway for the whole neighborhood to hear.

He agreed. "Yeah sure let's go up to my room." Lucas let me in and we went up to his room. It was awkward.

I sat down on his bed and he followed my lead. "So about the other night-"

He interrupted me. "I'm sorry for that Rowan. I feel really bad about it." I was caught off guard by his apology. "I wanted you to feel special and I didn't expect you to kiss me. I feel like I pushed you into feeling like you needed to thank me." He looked away from me. "We can forget it happened and move on? I won't overstep that way again I promise."

I was shocked. "You want to pretend it didn't happen?" That hurt to hear. I didn't understand why he wanted to erase that night. He wanted to be with me all this time and now he was changing his mind? I didn't want it to be like this. I wanted it to go differently. My heart was aching.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship." Lucas didn't want to get hurt.

My eyes were watery. "I didn't kiss you because I felt like I had to. I kissed you because I'm in love you with you." I admitted unknowingly to me, the truth poured out of me.

His head spun around and the expression on his face changed. "You what?" He looked into my eyes, breathless.

I wiped my eyes. "I love you. I do and I didn't know that until this very moment but that's what I feel and I can't hold that in." I babbled on and on.

He kissed me. Passionately. I swore I felt sparks flying.

We pulled away. My heart melted, looking at his face.

"You really mean that?" He stared into my eyes, hopeful.

I smiled, softly. "I do and I don't know what's going to happen but I know that you make me feel so special." He smiled at me. "I don't want to lose you either but I also don't want to wait any longer. I want you." I took his hand.

Lucas stroked the hair out of my face with his other hand. "I'm in love with you too." He kissed me again.

"Yeah I kinda figured you did." I smirked.

He fake gasps. "Shut up!"

"You set yourself up there." I laughed with him.

Lucas rolled his eyes. "You're lucky you're cute."

"Ditto." I smiled.

Today was a great day. I haven't had many of those but I'm ready to. I know not everyone is going to understand how fast Lucas and I were going. It's a big step to say I love you but Lucas and I have known each other for most of our lives. He's felt this way about me for as long as he can remember. This is newer to to me and I have a terrible track record but I don't think any of that matters. What matters is right now and I don't know what the future holds for Lucas and I but I'm ready for the next chapter in my life and I want to take Lucas with me.


Author's Note:

Happy Valentine's Day! Happy 50th chapter!