Rowan's POV
I thought a lot about my decision to stay here the entire summer or to go all the way across the country. I always questioned my decision after meeting Kendall. I've had the best track record of knowing what's best for myself. I started trusting myself more ever since I started dating Lucas. I talked to my parents and Josh. They both think it's too good of an opportunity to say no but I still wasn't convinced about it. I thought about all the things that could go wrong. There was a million reasons to stay. I picked up my guitar and strimmed the cords. It feels so natural.
"Row?" Jamie said, knocking on my door.
"Come in." I stated, putting my guitar down.
He walked in with a smile on his face. "I heard the news. I'm so proud of you."
I slightly smiled back. "Thanks."
"So are you going to go? Have you decided yet?" He wondered what the state of both our summers looked like.
"I don't know. Everyone thinks I should but there's so many reasons I shouldn't." I was exhausted from all the overthinking.
He folded his arms. "The reasons are just excuses. There's something that's stopping you from saying yes."
I paused.
"Is it Lucas? Do you not want to leave him?" Jamie wondered.
"No, not at all. I know he would be pissed if my reason to stay was him."
"Then what is it?"
"It took me so long to get here Jamie." I took a deep breath. "It's still hard. Everyday is a battle in my head."
Jamie sat down next to me. "It's okay. You don't have to get into it. I understand." He comforted me.
"No, I want you to know." I looked at him with watery eyes. "I'm so scared to leave. I'm scared to be in an unfamiliar place with strangers. I'm scared to have to trust new people and I'm scared to leave my support system behind." I looked over at my guitar. "I love music. The idea of this summer away where I can grow and learn is amazing but I don't think I'm ready for it."
"I know that you're scared and you don't have to go if you don't want to. No one will think less of you if you choose to stay." He reassured me. "But if fear is stopping you from achieving something you want I think you should do it anyway. Life is scary and unpredictable and I know you know that better than anyone."
"That's a fair point but it's not just fear. There's actual concerns about my mental health that I have to take into consideration. It's not that easy."
"I'll be close by you the entire summer. We can even look for support groups that you can go to when you're not in class. Mom and dad already looked into therapists you can see while you're there."
"You really think that I can do it?" I asked my brother.
"I know you can do it. If it's what you truly want then I will do anything I can to make sure you feel safe enough to go." Jamie promised.
"Okay. I have to talk to my friends then and let them know." I paused, smiled a little. "I think I'm gonna go."
Jamie smiled really big and pulled me in for a hug. "I know you'll have the best time."
After he left I started getting ready for the beach. I was thinking about all the advice I received and it all made sense. I was done letting my fear control my every move. I know my brother being in California with me will make me have the support I need. I just had to figure out how to tell Sabrina and Lucas. I know they're my persons they want nothing but the best for me. I still didn't want to have this conversation with them. This would be the longest time I've ever spent away from my best friend since we met and my relationship with Lucas still feels so new and exciting.
Sabrina's POV
I walked into the kitchen to grab some snacks to eat before the beach party. I waited on the couch for Josh to pick me up and take us to the beach. I was pretty excited for the summer and finally getting to have time off from all the drama that was high school. I just hoped it would go smoothly. Josh and I have been doing so great ever since we took our relationship to the next step. We've only grown closer together. Being in love is a beautiful thing. He makes me so happy.
Shawn walked in the door earlier than expected. "Hey you going somewhere?" He asked me, seeing as I was in beach clothes.
"Yeah I'm going to the beach with my friends."
"You mean the gang." He laughed.
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah yeah." I noticed he was dressed up. "Where have you been?"
He looked nervous. "I had some meetings to go to. No big deal."
"What meetings?" I questioned him as we heard a knock at the door.
"Listen, go have fun with the gang and we'll talk later okay?" He looked at me seriously.
I nodded confused. "Okay." I stood up as he left the room and opened the door.
Josh walks in and kisses me. "What?" He asked, seeing the look on my face.
"Shawn is acting really weird." I kept thinking about what it could be.
"I'm sure he's fine. I wouldn't worry too much." Josh said, taking my hand. "Let's just have fun tonight."
I nodded. "Yeah you're probably right."
We got into the back seat of Lucas' car and played some music. Rowan and I sang the entire car ride. We probably annoyed the fuck out of them but we didn't care. This is what I wanted our summer to be like.
Rowan's POV
We got to the beach where there were bonfires and a bunch of drunk teens surrounding us. We went to one of the coolers next to the keg and I grabbed a coke. I decided to stick to soda tonight. I wanted to enjoy my time with Lucas sober. I looked around. It was much more my style than any of the house parties I attended this year. The music was nice and everyone was spread out. It was warm out but a little windy where it felt like a nice breeze. The moonlight reflects off the dark ocean waves. It was really romantic and perfect. This was my happy place and I wanted to stay here and freeze this moment. I couldn't though. I needed to tell him.
"Whatcha thinking about?" Lucas asked, putting a towel on the ground before sitting down.
"Lot's of things." I said as I sat down next to him.
"Good things?" He wondered.
I smiled. "Yeah."
He put his arm around me.
"Lucas?" I bit my lip.
"Yeah?"
"I got into a summer music program in California." I said fast and avoided eye contact. I didn't want to see the sadness in his eyes.
"Wow." His voice was quiet but then gained more energy. "That's great"
I turned to look at him. "Are you okay?" I was nervous.
"Yeah of course I am." Lucas hugged me and rubbed my back. "I'm sad we have to spend the summer apart but this is your dream and I'm so happy for you." He pulled away and looked at me with love in his eyes.
"It's so great to hear you say that." I kissed him.
I don't know what's going to happen but I know that I have a supportive family, supportive friends and a very supportive boyfriend. I was so lucky to get to be in this place finally. The thought of pursuing my dreams with these groups of people backing me makes everything easier.
I cuddled into Lucas arms and I felt like everything I've ever wanted is possible.
Sabrina's POV
Josh and I hung out by the fire most of the night. It was cold and I didn't bring anything warm so Josh gave me his hoodie. It was nice and cozy. My mind couldn't help but wonder what next year would be like. We've avoided those questions for months and stayed in the bliss of the unknown. It was a pretty nice place to be in until the anxiety of what could happen creeps my mind. I wanted to be supportive of Josh and his future like I should be but I also didn't want to lose what we have.
As we got some drinks I nervously looked over at the boy I loved. "Are you nervous for Saturday?" I asked him.
"I'm actually excited to graduate. I never thought I'd make it." He was smiling, proud.
"I always knew you could do it."
"That's why I love you." He kissed my cheek.
I played with my fingers. "Have you made a decision about next year?" I looked down.
"I was going to wait till I talked to my parents to tell you but yeah I made my decision about college."
We looked at each other.
Author's Note:
I started this story in 2018 and life was really different back then for all of us. It means the world to me that there are people still reading that I recognize from the beginning. This story has always been very special to me and I've learned a lot from it. I'm sorry for the time I've spent not writing it. I have so many ideas and directions to go if you want to suggest anything for what you'd like to see I would love that. These characters are just as important to you as they are to me. Thank you for reading and reviewing.
