Date posted: 30th August 2021

Thanks to TC for going through a hangover for this!

Also thanks to Valaraukar3 for the Russian translation help!


Chapter 4: FUBAR, POW, NEKO

The clock on the wall had run out of power as the hands pointed to one o'clock. A memo left for the evening staff was a reminder to buy a pack of AA batteries, amongst other sundries. The Kuroubā was empty save for the eternal bar flies, the odd salarymen, the night shift bartender, and a curious looking woman lying face down at the counter.

The expensive jukebox in the corner loaded a new vinyl and began playing Plastic Love.

The newcomer fixed the collar of his shirt; a man in his twenties, nervous and fidgeting. He had been sober for half a year, and to come here was nothing but temptation. But a friend had requested her aid and he must answer the call. It was the least he could do.

He approached the bar and tapped the woman on the shoulder. "Hey, Shino."

Shino did not stir. He looked at the bartender, "How many drinks has she had?"

"Two glasses of sake," he said. And lo, there were the two glasses.

Sighing, he took a seat beside her and ordered a coke. He kept poking her until an eye popped open.

"Oh," she slurred, raising her head. A trail of saliva connected from the corner of her mouth to the counter. "Heeeey Kyouji. What are you doing here?"

"Shino, you called me here. Something about a problem?" He handed her a tissue and she had the decency to blush at her appearance. A sharp contrast to the career woman who wore a suit and a gun to her job everyday.

"Oh, did I?" She searched her person and noticed a lack of a rectangle. "Shit, I left my phone at the apartment."

"I know. You called me repeatedly using the payphone," he said, thumbing at the old machine at the back. "I thought it was a scammer."

"She spent two thousand yen on coins alone," said the bartender, wiping a glass. "That's more than she spent on the drinks."

He inspected them further and noticed both were still half full. Shino had always been overly sensitive at being a lightweight. Drinking a single cup of sake was the equivalent of draining an entire bottle for her. In a workplace where most of her coworkers were manly men, she had tried (and failed) at being a hard(er) drinker.

Shino burped suddenly and her head dropped to the counter with a clack. She reached up and noticed the piece of plastic on her crown. "Oh … oh God …"

Kyouji smiled politely. "I take it you weren't planning to do some gaming here?"

She took the AmuSphere off her head and ran a hand through her matted hair. "I can't believe I traveled through a quarter of Akihabara with a goddamn game console on my head." She took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. "If this gets on social media, I'll never hear the end of it."

"Look, it's Akihabara. There's plenty of weirdos, I think you'll be fine."

Kyouji wasn't what you call a sociable person, or even good at this whole 'communicating' thing. That said, he scooted his stool closer and leaned in, like how his therapist did during weekly appointments. "Wanna talk about it?"

So she did. It came out slurred and out of order, but overall he was sure he got the gist of it. Something about Gun Gale Online, a new roommate and him lying. It was strange to be on the receiving end of it, it was usually Kyouji who let out his frustrations of life and Shino taking his drunken tirades like a champ. In a way, it felt nice to be the helper instead of the helpee.

"And, and … that cheesecake stealing bastard … had the gall to use a sword against an entrenched position. Of course he died, but he never learned his lesson. He spends more on grenades and swords than he does his on his guns. But, but … get this. He's somehow making it work."

Kyouji took it all in. "And this is good?"

"It is! That's why I hate the smug bastard. Stupid swordsman, stupid Kirito, or Kazuto, or whatever the hell his name is."

When she finally finished her tale, she reached for the sake again. Kyouji intervened and gave her his coke instead which she gratefully downed. Around him, she needn't keep up the air of machismo as she did in her workforce. Unlike her, his taste in video games were far more mundane, like dating sims or base builders. GGO was a bit too hardcore for him.

"Anyway, you know someplace cheap? One of those pod hotels that tourists use, maybe?"

"You could just, you know, go home. I can call a cab."

At the mention of going home, her eyes widened. "No, no, no. I ain't going home to Mister Jackass. It'll be … you know. Awkward."

"Shino Asada. I have literally seen you take out men twice your weight and size." He had visited her workplace once when she was still in the Tokyo Metropolitan Police; in the gym, she had a six foot tall officer in a chokehold and around her were the bruised and defeated forms of her opponents.

"You are one of the toughest people I know, correction: you ARE the strongest person I know. And you are refusing to face this Kazuto guy, because it's awkward?"

Shino clenched and unclenched her fists. "I can deal with thugs and criminals, I can deal with a long work week. But, but …"

"But what, Shino? Isn't he your war buddy for the past few months?"

She cocked her head sideways. "Yeah?"

"So if you can trust him in a gunfight, I think you can trust him to be a good roommate. I mean, you did put up with me, after all."

She hiccupped.

"Sure okay, maybe he wasn't forthright about his identity. But come on, does that really matter in this day and age of the Internet? You've got a good thing going on, and you need friends outside your workplace too. I mean, that's what you told me."

"Damnation, you're using my own advice against me. Well, okay. I guess you're right." Did she overreact? Of all the players she played with, how many of them kept to themselves anyway? "He's still an ass though. He stole my cheesecake."

"Asada. Look at me. A cat did that. Not him."

"The cat was a paid actor."

"Okay, I think we're done here." He left some cash for the drinks on the counter. "C'mon, let's get you home."

"But I don't wanna~"

"C'mon, soldier. Up and at em'. Let's go." One arm over his shoulder, Kyouji dragged a drunken Shino out of the bar.


Shino stood warily on the sidewalk. She swayed back and forth and she tried her best to not fall over. The streets were mostly empty this time of night. She didn't even recognise this part of Akihabara, but it seemed far more rundown than the places she usually frequented.

They had called for a taxi to take them home and while waiting, Kyouji excused himself to go to the bathroom back at the bar, leaving a tipsy Shino alone by herself. Her AmuSphere tucked under an armpit, she could barely pay attention to her surroundings, hazy and swaying. At least there was no one to witness her. She prided herself on being cool headed and definitely not getting emotionally unstable over a boy.

Suddenly she slapped herself. What was this sorry ass shit? She was Shino Asada! Top marks at the academy! Best officer of 2034! Best company shooter two years straight! She could duke it out with a Yakuza enforcer with her bare hands! And here she was being sorry over a stupid video game and a boy!

Thinking about it, he was a considerably pretty boy. Hmm, Kazuto would look good if he had his avatar's purple eyes and long hair. And such pink lips too ...

She felt something rumbling in her stomach and with the reaction born out of an adept veteran, fled into the nearest alleyway.

After a few minutes of throwing up (damn her weak liver) and a burning sensation in her throat, she found herself face to face with a stranger. He was wearing a hoodie, a facemask, and had a blade in his hands.

"Give me the helmet now," he demanded. "Or you're gonna get it."

She looked down and there was her AmuSphere. "No way, man. I need this to play da vidya games," she slurred.

"Give it to me or I'll cut you!"

Normally, the smart thing to do was actually just give the mugger the thing. Nothing was worth getting cut over, but the alcohol had made her brave and stupid. Mostly stupid.

"No way dude, don't you know, like, this is illegal?" she lectured. "Trust me, like, I was a cop for two whole years. Top of my class in the academy! Before I got canned anyway."

At the mention of police, something sparked in the mugger. "Oh yeah? Pigs be robbing us for years, it's good to rob them back!"

"Hey, I'm an ex-cop. Weren't you paying attention?"

"Just give me the damn console!" The blade glinted in the streetlight.

"Naaah." She idly wondered where Kyouji went.

"YOU LEAVE HER ALONE!" said a voice at the entrance of the alley. Oh, there was Kyouji.

Except it wasn't. It was a leather jacket biker, with a running motor parked haphazardly on the sidewalk. "I'm warning you!"

Cursing, the mugger grabbed onto the AmuSphere. "Hey! This ain't yours!" she said.

"Just give the damn console, you dumb broad!"

"Now that's not very politically correct of you, man," said Shino, pulling back. Sexism in 2037? Come on, Japan. You could do better.

Kazuto came at him, hand on the mugger's shoulder. The mugger turned around and swung his knife right at him. The blade missed but the pummel cracked at Kazuto right across his cheek, felling him to the dirty ground.

Her mind instantly cleared in that moment. Something snapped inside Shino. She wrenched the AmuSphere out of the mugger's grubby hands and swung. Hard.


Ever since Kirito was a young boy, he always wanted to fly.

He didn't think it was childish by any accounts. He believed that at some point, in every time period across humanity's three hundred thousand years of existence, every person had dreamed of flying. Not in the protected cockpit of a machine, but true flight, with wind in his face and the birds as his equals.

The closest was perhaps skydiving, but that wasn't really flying, wasn't it? It was just falling with style.

Speaking of which, what was he doing again? Ah yes, falling from a twelve-storey building.

"DO SOMETHING, YOU IDIOT!" Sinon yelled in his mind.

He smirked. "I always have a plan, kitten."

The rope became taut as the grappling hook raked and left marks on the CEO's office floor and lodged itself into the wall. His momentum halted and Kirito could feel his virtual bones straining, his arm almost detaching from its socket. They swung back towards the building, Kirito holding onto the rope with his life, Sinon against him, like Tarzan and Jane on a vine. The thick windows came towards Kirito and he closed his eyes as flesh and fur met glass with a resounding shatter.

His grip failed him as he let go of the rope as man and cat crashed into a cubicle, the ancient furniture crumbling under his weight. The adrenaline rush in-game was shooting up his heart rate like crazy, and the game was giving him warnings. He checked himself and found a large shard of glass stuck into his left thigh; an unpleasant but not painful feeling. A glance at his HP and he could see he was suffering from multiple minor wounds and a 9% of his health was missing.

He could hear shouting still, the enemy was on the move.

Sinon squeezed herself out of his grip. "Come on, we gotta move!"

"Okay, but you gotta admit that was cool, right?"

"Kazuto," she said, ears low. It wasn't often she used his real name in-game.

"Right, right." He stood up, staggering, and nonchalantly pulled a huge piece of broken glass from his leg and from his first aid pack began bandaging it to staunch the «Bleeding» status. "Where are we?"

Sinon sniffed the air. "We're on the eighth floor."

Kirito looked around, and sure enough there were the trail of menhirs that he had left. He checked his gear and other than the dent on the receiver of his rifle, it was mostly fine. "We should move."

"Agreed." Sinon sprinted forward, leading the way and Kirito lagged behind, one wounded leg versus Sinon's four.

The dungeon's emergency stairway was tactically blocked by rubble to ensure that players went through them in the intended order, and even then there were numerous other ways to traverse like any good dungeon - ladders, rope, explosives. A player with enough «Mechanics» could jumpstart the elevator. A player with a sledgehammer could break down walls.

On the fourth floor, there was a massive hole in the ceiling. Sinon went ahead, descending to the main office square. Kirito followed soon after, dropping down the hole after her.

Only to be met by two guards on a smoke break. The sound of his landing snapped them out of their chat.

"Contact!"

The enemies were eight feet away, and therefore, within range of the Formula of Swordsmanship. Kirito grinned, drop his rifle, and sprinted forward, his sword singing out of its sheath -

Then collapsed onto the floor as his wounded leg failed him. It probably didn't help that he had Sinon's rifle on his back, his own rifle, his machine-pistol and a sword on him either, adding to the cumbersomeness. The two players were perhaps more perplexed than anything else.

"Is that a fucking sword?" one asked.

"Holy shit dude, it is!"

"He tried to stab us!"

"L-O-L!" He didn't say "lol" as a word, but he spelled out each letter. Both of them started laughing. Oh man, he was never gonna live this down.

He heard Sinon growling.

"Oh look, a kitty! Come here, cutie - ARGH!"

"What the fuck, man?! What the fuck?!"

Sinon attacked the soldier on the right with claws and bites, ravaging his his face. As his comrade was distracted, Kirito stood up and pulled out his TMP and gunned him down. The rounds didn't penetrate his armour but it was sufficient to knock him down. He switched to his AR-15 and blew a hole in his chest.

The angry blue cat jumped off and Kirito planted a round in the soldier's head. "C'mon, we're almost out!"

Both of them ran towards the lift, fortunately working, and rode it down. Now they were in the reception area and saw the familiar glass doors and Kirito's motorbike outside. The swordsman barged through the door and in the parking lot was their escape. Finally, freedom!

Sinon's ear perked up and she looked west. "Get down!"

Kirito heard it before he saw it. The familiar whoosh and the whistling of a rocket. He turned on the spot and leapt over the hood of an ancient car and covered his ears. The RPG-7 exploded his bike to hell and the burning corpse of the machine flew a respectable fifty meters before landing somewhere in a ditch.

Sinon looked from under the car. Where was the shooter?

"A sword, eh? Don't see that much around."

Kirito spun and raised his gun towards the newcomer. There he was, standing on the roof of an APC. The newcomer wore an immaculate flak vest over his fatigues and a red beret upon his crown. Matching his hat were his red gloves and his red scarf tucked into his vest. A bandolier of .45 rounds hung from one shoulder like the baldric of a sword. His player avatar was confident, handsome and manly.

Kirito shouted back, "THAT WAS A RENTAL, ASSHOLE!"

The stranger tsked as he discarded his rocket launcher. "Now, now, no need to be angry. I think we can settle this peacefully."

He dropped off the vehicle and the spurs of his boots jingled. Instantly, Sinon knew what kind of build he was going for. It wasn't popular nor all that viable in a world of automatic fire and artillery, but there was a group of highly dedicated players, a cult more like, of bringing revolvers and repeaters into the post-apocalyptic world of GGO. They were in almost every guild, a fighting style that went beyond petty things like guild politics. And somehow, through the attributes and perks of the game, made it work.

"The name's Tornado Tadao." He struck a pose and finger gunned Kirito with both hands and flashed pearly white teeth. "I assume you've heard of me?"

"Not really. Should I?"

Tadao didn't seem to take offense. He laid his arms out widely. "No worries, I'm not gonna kill you. I know for a fact that you're a good fighter, being able to outrun Sergeant Gregory and his lads is a mean feat of skill. I can respect that. Saw you flying from the top floor there, thought you were gonna splat into the pavement."

"Uh okay … thanks?" Kirito wasn't really sure how to deal with this. His interactions with other players were either friendly or murder, there was no in between.

Sinon said, "Kirito, maybe we can reason with this weirdo."

"Right," he said. "So are you gonna let me go or …"

"Ah, ah. Not so fast, pardner." He pointed to Kirito's belt. "I need your PDA. You give me that, and we can go our separate ways."

"Not a chance," said Kirito.

The two began circling each other and Kirito was fully aware of the group of armed men that was going to burst out of the dungeon at any time. "I guess we are in a predicament."

Tadao's revolvers were on his hip. His hands, up in the air. Despite having a trained gun on him, there was no fear on his face. Which meant he was fully confident in his ability to draw his gun and shoot Kirito down on the spot. The fur on Sinon's neck stood up. What kind of revolver were those? Could they piece Kirito's armour? Could he pull the trigger in time? There was forty feet between them when they stopped to make their play.

"I guess we are," said the Tornado.

"I'm going to win. I've got the advantage."

Tadao finger gunned him again. "Give it your best shot."

Sinon couldn't watch and covered both eyes with her paws.

A gunshot echoed in the Wastes.


The knockout period of a player was one of the more interesting design decisions of any VR game.

Due to the always online nature of Full Dive games, when a player was knocked out, their world went dark and all control was suspended. The game usually gave a timer related to how long someone is knocked out according to various sorts of effects applied to them. If they were bludgeoned, choked, drugged, what their attributes were, that sort of thing. The max time limit was ten minutes in almost every VR game.

In SAO, when a player was knocked out, the player's consciousness went to a black void. In which case, players logged out to take a break or merely sat in the endless void, summoning their HUD to check their emails or whatever. In the event of the player not logging back in, the avatar would remain unconscious. Most VR games follow and copy this mechanic.

In GGO, it was a little bit different.

Kirito was forced out of his body. The sensation was always unnerving, but completely safe. Now he floated in the air like a spirit, as he saw his avatar convulsed erratically as electricity arced throughout his body, flashes of light showed his skeleton briefly like some sort of cartoon, before he finally collapsed to the asphalt. A trio of stars whirled above his head and he noticed it was the same art used in SAO too. He had eight minutes of KO time.

Tornado Tadao did a twirl with his revolver before holstering it. The killteam from before finally emerged from the building. There was a discussion between the man with the AA-12 and Tadao but Kirito couldn't make heads or tails of it because their words came forth as bla bla blas, another mechanic to ensure knocked out players don't turn into ghost-spies for their compatriots. He couldn't spot Sinon, nor could he message her. She was on her own.

Two of the grunts disarmed and handcuffed his prone body while another two were hauling sets of gear and weapons; likely the two players that Kirito killed. They hauled him into the BTR-80 that Tornado Tadao stood on; he only knew what the model was because last week he and Sinon were watching a documentary on Russian military vehicles. Well, more like forced to watch. He didn't enjoy them at first, but her excitement made the experience more enjoyable.

A closer inspection showed two dozen white skulls on the side of the APC, even some other vehicles too. The rest of the squad followed soon after. He was unsure of what to do, log out and plan with Sinon?

There she was! A flash of blue that jumped onto the APC and snuggled onto the roof right behind the turret, currently unmanned. The APC roared to life and like a rope tied to his chest, it dragged Kirito alongside. Another mechanic was that the player's "spirit" had a range of fifty meters from their avatar, meaning that Kirito was also dragged along where his body was, also ensuring that there were no spying shenanigans happening. Cursing again, he floated and flew alongside the NPC as it drove away.

Five minutes later, Kirito awoke in his own body, forcefully dragged back into his avatar. He found himself in the seat of the APC as one of the grunts held a bottle of smelling salt under his nose.

In front of him were Shotgun Man and the Cowboy, the latter smiling.

"I've got three minutes left, you know," said Kirito. "I was just gonna go pee."

He noticed his helmet and mask were gone and they had bandaged the wound on his leg. Tadao gave a smile and the Shotgun Man folded his arms in disaprovement. The two were complete opposites; Tadao clean, shaven and smooth skinned, Shotgun Man bearded, gruff, and scarred.

"You killed two of my boys," said Shotgun Man, leaning on the barrel of his AA-12. "We were having a good time, a no death run, until you showed up. We won't get our bonus for this month thanks to you."

"Come now, Sergeant Gregory. This player must be of high skill to escape your men and kill two of them. Corporal Igor and Corporal Ichiban right?"

"That's right."

"I'll be sure to give those two a stern talking to back at base. Cloning vats aren't cheap, you know." Was it just the cold, or were the rest of the troops in the transport shivered?

The cowboy spoke sharply, "Alright, everyone. Logout now, I need to chat with our prisoner here. You stay here, sergeant. I need you to be with me."

The remaining players gave a quick "sir!", summoned their HUD and logged out, and their avatars fell into slumber. The two in the driving compartment slipped on pods into their ears and pretended that nothing existed behind them.

Tadao took out a familiar PDA out of his pouch. "Now, the problem we've got here is that you just killed one of our hackers. We don't have many hackers on the base at the moment and the player you killed just logged out. Family, work, you know how it is."

"Uhuh."

"We want you to open it. Punch in the password," the sergeant barked.

Kirito raised an eyebrow. "Why would I do that?"

"Listen here, lady. We have ways to make you talk," he growled, cracking his knuckles.

An empty threat. Any sort of torture would result an instant-ban of a player's account. There was zero tolerance for such things. "First of all, I'm a dude -"

Gregory instantly looked downcast. "I apologise, I did not mean to misgender you. We do not tolerate such attitudes in our ranks."

"Thank you."

"Listen here, femboy. We have ways to make you talk," he growled, cracking his knuckles.

"You know what, I'd rather you call me lady."

Tadao clasped gloved hands. "Now, now, we can come to an agreeable peace, right Kirito-san?"

"How did you know my name?!"

"You wrote your name on your PDA."

Curses! Being a responsible owner had cost him again!

"Now, Kirito-san. Our base is a bit of a secret, as is our mission. Rather than doing such interrogating here, I'd rather we bring you to our superior. How about that?"

"Well it's not like I have a choice." With that, Gregory tied a blindfold around his eyes.


The base of the guild was nondescript, plain, boring, which is exactly the kind of look a secret base should aspire to, second only to being hidden inside a volcano.

Sinon somehow found it easy to stay on top of the APC despite it going at 70 km/h. Her cat eyes allowed her to see akin to night vision. The vehicle rolled through a set of automatic gates and the building came towards them.

The ancient shopping mall was a large complex, with numerous vehicles still littering the area and the skeletons of the dead. But of the three main buildings, only one was powered, and only a small part. Sinon spied numerous vantage points where one could easily set up turrets or sniper nests. It spoke to this guild's skill that the only thing that tipped their involvement were a series of wires, brand new installed to the side of their main building, likely connected to some solar panels on the roof. Player owned aircraft were rare enough this would not be an issue, and even then, there were machines that could hide such things with fake map data or create what were essentially manmade illusions.

This place ... it was vaguely familiar ...

The APC rolled down towards the underground parking where the conspicuously new shutter slid open noiselessly. Sinon found herself inside a well lit parking garage, empty of any ancient rusting vehicles and instead consisting of a collection of jeeps, humvees, and bikes. There were eight of them in total. In one corner were a set of large chemfuel generators, noisily powering the base.

The ride came to a halt and Sinon quickly scampered off towards the darkness. The door opened and the grunts marching a blindfolded Kirito into the mall proper, lit up and manned by a sentry. She needed to find another way in.

She ran around the parking garage and noticed an open maintenance door. She entered and found an open vent, the hallmark of any good dungeon. She leaped in and hurried inside the ventilation system. It did not take her long to find Kirito again, still being marched. She could hear them speak as they stepped onto an escalator:

"You know, I'm kinda excited. This is the first time I've been captured," said Kirito.

"Hmm? This is common practice in GGO. Have you never been captured by the enemy?" asked Shotgun Man.

"I'm relatively new here. A very interesting PVP community you've got here."

"It can be pretty toxic, you know how gamers are," said the Cowboy. "We've got high standards for our guild here. We pride ourselves in our professionalism."

"What is your guild called anyway, Tadao-san?"

"Ho ho, nice try, Kirito-san."

The vent bent upward and Sinon scurried upwards and continued following. She spied the tell tale glow green glow of cloning vats. They had half a dozen of them secured neatly stacked up in what appeared to be an ancient electronics store. The ground floor was clean, well kept, even shining. There were crates of supplies, a large cage where an armoury had been set up with numerous weapons lined, complete with a security keypad and a table where someone was doing paperwork.

She counted all of them, including the squad that was in the dungeon, there were twenty-eight of them, training, sparring, chatting. It spoke of the guild's discipline and resources to have such a base and enough players to guard it. It was hard to run in a ten-man fireteam, yet this guild had nearly thirty players and all of them working at night. GGO worked on a halved time scale, the time in-game was different from server to server. It took twelve real life hours to pass an entire day in-game, so that players could still involve themselves in night missions during the day. It was three in the morning in-game, but only three in the afternoon in real life. It did mean that time moved twice as fast in-game, but it was just one of those things players got used to.

She recalled the day Sinon told Kirito of this fact. His mind seemed to almost go into haywire trying to comprehend it.

"This isn't new, Kirito. Plenty of games have that sort of thing."

"Well back in SAO," Sinon recalled rolling her eyes at the mention, "we worked on a twenty four hour basis. If a quest started at three in the morning, your ass better wake up at three in the morning."

"But this isn't new! Other games, not just MMOs, have done it!"

"Well I don't like it."

"Why don't you go back to SAO then?"

Kirito gave her a look of horror, as if she suggested he execute a puppy. "Touché, sniper-chan. Touché."

The grunts were dismissed at some point, leaving only the officers. They entered the staff offices, ancient but clean, with peeled walls but new desks and chairs. Fortunately, there was a vent right above the ceiling fan. They seated Kirito down and the person behind the desk signaled for the Shotgun Man to take off the blindfold.

The swordsman blinked and looked around. "Nice play you got here! A bit too drab for my tastes, reminds me of my first job."

The woman in the seat had an air of seriousness about her. She was tall, broad shouldered, and had a burn scar over her right eye. Her eyes were a shade of crimson and she had silver hair tied neatly into a bun. A holstered MP 443 Grach handgun sat on the table. Now this was a woman really into her roleplay.

She took a drag on her cigarette before asking, "Commissar Tadao, Sergeant Gregory, why have you brought this femboy into my office?"

Kirito groaned and muttered under his breath, "I really need to bite the bullet and change my avatar."

In the vent, Sinon listened. She would prefer he didn't. He looked good with long hair.

The one called Gregory answered, "We found him at the dungeon at VitaWare Pharmaceuticals, Major. We believe he's working for the enemy. He was downloading something from the terminal when we got to it, and he wiped out the files before we could get to it." He placed Kirito's PDA onto the desk.

The Major didn't even glance at it. "I see. Well, do tell what you're doing snooping in the ruins, if you would be so kind."

Kirito snarled. "That's really none of your business. Actually no, what were you doing there?"

"I ask the questions here," she stated firmly. "So how about you talk before I throw you into the cells."

Kirito cracked his neck. "What are ya gonna do? Kill me? I'll just respawn. Torture me? Say goodbye to your account!"

If there's one thing the game does not allow, it's torture. Even something as basic as beating up a player outside of combat was grounds for account termination. Many an ITG found out the hard way when even the very threat of was mentioned. The devs took such things extremely seriously. They were fine with the odd humiliating ritual: tar and feathers, rotten fruit at the stockades, even executions. But torture was a complete taboo.

The major leaned forward, her eyes cold. "I don't need torture. Are you new to this game?"

"He mentioned something off the effect, yes," said Tadao, leaning on the wall and polishing his engraved revolver.

"You know how we break people? It's easy. Everyone does it. We're gonna throw you into a cell, and you're gonna be stuck there forever. We'll make sure you can't kill yourself to respawn. We wait until you burn all your money on subscriptions, on a game that you cannot play. It might take a week, it might take a month. That's no matter to me. We've the time, but do you?"

Kirito gulped.

"How about your friends? They don't know where you are, and even if you told them when you log out, they have no way to find you."

Sinon racked her brain, pawns on her head. She couldn't think of any allies to help, and even if she did, she couldn't exactly get to them in her state.

The major flicked the ash into a tray. "You see, prisoner, we are a guild of gamers, so naturally we're violent, warlike, and toxic. But I'm not like the rest of my guildmates, I can be reasonable."

The major tapped his PDA. "So I give you two choices. You give me what I want on your PDA, or we just wait for a decent hacker and download it later. Tell you what, I'll even sweeten the deal for you: you get any choice in the armoury with a respectable amount of ammo and you'll be escorted out alive. What do you say, Kirito?"

"Wow, you bandits sure are nice! But I'll need to uh, check with a friend."

The major turned to her subordinates. "Was he alone?"

Uh oh. "Yes, I was! By myself. A lone wolf, that's me."

Sinon face-pawed. Smooth Kirito, smooth.

The major ignored him. Gregory stood straight. "No sir, he was by himself."

"You sound unsure, sergeant. Speak your mind."

"Well uh, I don't know if it was just me. It was kind of dark, but I thought I saw …"

"Yes yes, spit it out."

"A cat."

"A cat?" asked the major and commissar simultaneously. Sinon and Kirito froze.

"Yes sir, a cat. It was a blue one!"

Tadao chuckled. "You sure you didn't get your head knocked in, pardner? Maybe you need to log out and breathe some fresh air."

The major raised an eyebrow. "You're not pulling a fast one on me, are you, sergeant? Is this a new meme? Memes have no place in our guild. I despise them."

"What do you have against memes, lady?" said Kirito.

"Memes are overused jokes spread by mindless idiots, it is a disease amongst us Gen Z'ers. This is why we forbid it and kick anyone out who spreads them There shall be no tomfoolery in my army."

Gregory leaned into Kirito's ear. "She even kicks out members who post them on Discord but the other mods usually let them back in."

The major slammed her fist on the table. "Memes have no place in #general! Especially memes that insult Discord mods, which I am one." The commissar sighed.

"Wow, you sound fun at parties," said Kirito.

The sergeant interjected, "No sir! I can call the rest of the squad." With that he summoned his HUD. "Oh, damn. They've already logged out. They won't be back here until tomorrow."

"Ah, well I suppose we can just shove our guest here in the cells until then. Unless you want to say something, prisoner?" Kirito really disliked how she was referring him as prisoner.

He opened his mouth. "Kirito, no!"

"Sinon?" he said, looking around.

"Who's Sinon?" asked the major. "Is this Sinon person your contact? Are they here?" She unholsted her pistol and flicked off the safety, her eyes scanning the room. Sinon backed away from the vent.

"Uh, no one! That's my uh, the name of my sword."

"You have a sword?"

"He has a sword," said Tadao. "An expensive one too."

"Foolishness," said Gregory. "This is Gun Gale Online, not Sword Art Online. What kind of idiot charges into melee with guns blazing?"

Kirito gritted his teeth. "Brave words for someone within the Kirito Formula of Swordsmanship range."

"Pardon?"

"Kirito, shut the hell up." This time, he did and didn't look around. She can speak to him, but the bracelets were a one way street.

"This is pointless," said the major. "Sergeant, lock him up. Commissar, contact a hacker, a freelancer, an ally, whichever. We'll deal with this tomorrow."


Fifteen minutes later, Sinon found Kirito inside the most ominous part of any shopping complex: the playground section of a fast food restaurant.

He lay there in the middle of the ball pit with a straitjacket on, newly welded bars containing him, looking like an innocent exotic beast owned by the rich. Who knew what went through his mind, being denigrated like so. The guard that was assigned to him had gone off for a smoke break. She approached him carefully.

"Well, the entire mission's gone FUBAR," he said, looking up at the ceiling; his long hair sprawled over a riot of colours. "O fluffy blue Sinonon, lend me your wisdom."

"Aren't you going to ask how I got here?"

He shrugged. "Eh, you're one of the smartest people I know. Most cats don't have telepathy after all."

"Cute. Don't worry, I have a crack team of top level players on their way to bust you out."

Purple eyes bore into her. "Really?"

"Of course not. But I think I know how to get you out of here. See, I thought this mall looked familiar and I knew why. This same mall had been used as a boss dungeon in another part of GGO!"

"Cool cool." Kirito tried and failed to juggle the plastic balls with his feet. "And?"

She gave him the most catty smirk. "I have a plan."

The plan was meticulous and Sinon spared no detail. It involved using the chemfuel generators down in the basement, getting the key to him (which she had already found in a security booth), and stealing a vehicle and getting the hell out of there. Kirito marveled at the plan and at how quickly she was able to concoct it.

"Amazing, how are you able to plan all this?"

"At work, I was usually tasked on finding security loopholes and other ways to harm the VIP. I was very good at it."

He gave her a curious look. "Are you sure you're a bodyguard instead of an assassin?"

"Look, do you wanna leave or not." Kirito nodded vigorously. "Good, now let me do the hard work. I'll get us out of here in no time."

Sinon turned to leave only for a figure to scoop her up in his arms.

Tornado Tadao laughed. "Ahah! Sinon I presume."

Kirito buried his face in the pit. Sinon let out the longest nya.

The two captives were dragged back into the major's office. "Ah, so this must be the cat you were speaking about, sergeant."

Gregory nodded. "Indeed, major. It is as fluffy as I recall it."

"Nya," said Sinon, currently bundled within three layers of clothes, a bonafide purrito in Gregory's massive arms. The big man repeatedly scratched Sinon on the head, and the displeasure arose not from the sensation of being scritched (which was always enjoyable), but by being petted by the enemy despite her numerous bites on his fingers. It was utterly humiliating.

Tadao scratched his chin with a gloved hand. "Fascinating. Beast master builds usually incorporate dogs, wargs or other bio-engineered animals. I've never seen anyone use a cat; I don't even know cats are viable as an animal companion."

"So, Kirito-san," said the major. "Do you want to give us the down-low, or would you prefer being locked up until you run out of money?"

Kirito bit his lip thinking. He turned to Sinon and the cat being balled looked utterly dejected. It took him all his willpower to not laugh.

"Are you giggling?"

"No, I'm not."

"Who are you talking to?" asked the major.

"I think … he's talking to the cat," said Gregory. He scritched Sinon under her chin. "Isn't that right, neko-chan?"

"Hiss!"

"Well someone's in a bad mood."

"Just tell them what they need, but no more."

"Alright, you're the boss." Kirito stood straight and looked as seriously as someone in a straitjacket could. "Right, so it started with the beginning of the new expansion …"

It took a good fifteen minutes, all the while Sinon butted in and added to the conversation (which came off as disgruntled meowing). The three captors took them all in with a series of mixed reactions: the sergeant was disgusted, the commissar was holding in laughter, and the major took it all in with the same seriousness that she always had. He told them about the mission to Mutantopia, the failed raid, the dungeon dive, as briefly as he could.

When he was done, Kirito looked at the time. "Right, so are you guys gonna let us go, if not, we're just gonna log out and try to escape when you aren't around."

The major, who had taken it all in with tented hands finally said, "So how are you speaking to your … partner, here?"

"See that collar 'round her neck under her scarf? It's a bracelet. I've got one on me too, it lets me understand her through some form of telepathy."

"I see. Commissar, take off the jacket."

"Hey, hold on -"

With quick hands, the commissar procured Kirito's bracelet and tossed it to his superior. It slid neatly onto the major's wrist and she felt a connection to the growling purrito in front of her. Red eyes bored into blue.

"Talk, little kitten."

"Eat my fuzzy little bum."

She recoiled back. "The cat speaks!"

"Nya."

Sergeant Gregory gasped. "So, all this time, I've been manhandling another player! By God, I could be banned for this!"

Sinon meowed again. The major translated for her, "She tells you to stop scritching her."

Hesitantly, he stopped. She still looked angry, and Sinon puffed up her face in an attempt to look intimidating, but to Kirito, she looked like a swaddled baby.

"Hmm, interesting, interesting." The major pulled out his PDA from her drawer. "Commissar, sergeant, have you bought the newest expansion yet?"

Tadao answered first, "I have, planning to go play it after finishing our business here. Heard there's a new enemy entirely based on using revolvers and want to challenge myself against it. Why?"

"I haven't," said Gregory. "I could probably get the funds in a few weeks, buying something nice for the missus, see."

"No need for that, sergeant." The major summoned her HUD, invisible to all but her. "There, now you have the Mutant Horrors of Old Earth expansion."

Gregory blinked. "I … thank you for your generosity, sir."

"It's not about generosity. How many men do we have on call?"

"Thirty, but perhaps fifty over the weekend, sir."

"Hmm, tomorrow is Friday. That's acceptable. Muster them tomorrow, we have a new mission."

Tadao said, "But, we're still fighting against the Kyoto Warhawks and the Mobile Guard. This is -"

The major ignored him. "Prisoner, cat-prisoner, I have another offer. Would you be willing to work with the Zakon I Dolg?"


Twenty minutes later, the police arrived on the scene. Shino was sitting on a bench and was drinking water, Kazuto had an icepack on his cheek. Nearby, Kyouji was telling what happened to two disbelieving officers. The perp was cuffed and in the back of the police cruiser, in far, far worse shape than either of the two victims.

"You okay?" asked Kazuto.

"I admit, I kinda don't remember what happened?"

"For a drunk person, you sure can aim well."

Shino cradled her AmuSphere in her lap. Amazingly, it wasn't even cracked in any way, save for the bit of blood on the top. She barely remembered what happened, but Kazuto told her that she swung once, knocked the mugger down, and was beating on him until Kazuto had to drag her away from committing manslaughter.

Kyouji returned to them. "Well, the perp's going to jail. If you want to press charges, you can head to the station tomorrow."

"Sure, whatever." At this point, she didn't even care. She just wanted to go back home and sleep.

"I can take her home," said Kirito, thumbing at his bike. "How about you head there, and start up the engine."

"Sure," she grabbed the keys. "Maybe if I wear my AmuSphere, the cops won't stop us because I'm not wearing a helmet." The woman left, leaving the two men by themselves.

"You sure you don't want a car instead? I already called one," said Kyouji.

"Nah, it's fine. I can drive." He turned to look at her, trying and failing to find the ignition slot. "It's on the right side!"

"I knew that!" she shouted back, and then failed to slot in the key.

"Take care, "Kirito-san", and try not to lie about your gender next time." Kyouji laughed. Kazuto sighed.

They made their way home in the mostly empty streets. She could feel a headache coming soon and leaned into Kazuto's back, taking in the smell. It was a pleasant feeling as she felt the wind in her face. The rumble of the engine and the speed was so unlike a car. She could understand why people ride these death machines.

As they reached their apartment door, something came up. "Wait, hold on. How were you able to find me anyway?"

"I wasn't, I kinda lucked out," he said.

"But why? Eventually I'll be back here anyway."

"Well …" Kazuto stopped looking for his keys. "I was trying to get something for you. Because I wanted to apologise."

Looking back at it, Shino felt extremely silly at the whole ordeal. "Look, it's fine. I'm sorry too, I had no idea what came over me. You didn't need to get me anything."

"Not even … this?" he said, dangling a paper bag in front of her. Shino blinked, her mind realised that he had been carrying something, but her alcohol induced mind didn't put two and two together. She smelled the answer before she was able to read the text on the bag.

"Ch-cheese cake?"

"It's not the same brand or the same store, I know but -"

Kazuto stopped as Shino's arms wrapped around him. Surprised, and unsure, all he could do was hug back. She felt the warmth of her body even through his thick jacket and she buried her face in his shoulder, plus the slight smell of sake on her. It was a nice feeling.

They stood there hugging for a minute. "You're a sweet guy, Kirito-chan. I forgive you. Next time we log back in, you're giving me half your credits."

"Thanks, er, wait, what? Hey!"

She snatched the bag out of his hand and entered the apartment. "Mine! Mine! Ha ha ha!"

Kazuto could only stand there smiling, before finally closing the door.


Hey to the twelve people still reading this, it's my birthday. If you could leave a review, that'd be a nice present, thanks.

Speaking of Discord memes and tyrannical mods:discord. gg/ uMQuAe8t

We're almost at the end! Stay tune for more shenanigans!


Patch notes:

17th September 2021: Tidying up.