PARDON MY FRENCH

Written by Zack Wanzer and James Riddle

Set during Series 19

Millie is a light blue narrow gauge engine who works on the Estate Railway up at Ulfstead Castle. Her duties included helping the groundskeeper load up branches, brambles and weeds to be taken away, and giving tours of the estate alongside Stephen the "Rocket". Another thing that makes Millie unique is the fact that she, like Victor, can speak two languages; English and French.

"Er, excuse me," said one of the tourists, walking up to Millie. "I seem to have picked up the wrong book. This is all written in French."

"Let me have a look," Millie volunteered. The tourist opened the book, and held it out for her to read. "Ah, zis is a book about ze railways of France!" the light blue engine exclaimed. "Zat engine on zis page is an Alsace-Lorraine Class G 8.1; a superheated goods engine."

"It's a good thing you can speak French," the tourist commented. "What would this railway do without engines who weren't fluent in other languages?"

"It would probably be very confusing if zere were foreign tourists," Millie chuckled.


Early one morning, the Earl came to the sheds to see Stephen and Millie.

"Good morning, you two," he greeted. "There'll be a few changes to the schedule today; Stephen, you'll be going to the Steamworks for maintenance."

"But who will help Millie with the tourists?" asked Stephen. "She can't handle them all on her own."

"It's all been arranged," assured the Earl. "Sir Topham Hatt is sending over one of his engines to help out."

The engine in question turned out to be Daisy, the diesel railcar. As Stephen was getting ready to head off to the Steamworks, Daisy pulled up alongside one of the station platforms.

"Ohh, so you must be the famous Rocket himself!" she remarked.

"The one and only," beamed Stephen.

"It is such an honor to meet you in the metal," said Daisy. "You are indeed a pioneer for engines everywhere."

"Oh, come now," chuckled Stephen modestly. "I'm not that incredible now. Anyway," he said as he set off, "I'd best be off for my scheduled maintenance. You take care of the tourists with Millie helping you out, okay?"

"Oh, yes, I will!" called Daisy. "I hope they won't miss you too much with moi helping out!" No sooner had Stephen left the station when Daisy did so too and entered the castle. Millie and the Earl were waiting for her.

"Ah, Daisy!" smiled the Earl. "Am I pleased to see you! As you'll know, I am Sir Robert Norramby, and this," he added, gesturing to the light blue tank engine, "is Millie."

"Bonjour, Daisy. It's very lovely to make your acquaintance."

"Ah, a fellow follower in the language of French, I see?" Daisy mused. "Oh, how magnifique! I think we'll get along splendidly, Millie!"

"I'll show you around ze castle grounds before we start work," said Millie, both amused and bemused by Daisy's reaction.


"I must say, Millie," said Daisy, "you live in such a beautiful place! Oh, don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever thought of traveling beyond Ulfstead Castle and seeing the rest of the island?"

"Well… I once made a trip to ze Blue Mountain Quarry to swap jobs with Luke for ze day," said Millie. "He was very sweet to come up with ze idea."

"Oh yes, it's always refreshing when we're offered a chance at something nice," sighed Daisy. "What I wouldn't give to have a best friend that generous to help me whenever I need it most…"

"Chances are you'd just manipulate zem into doing all of your work so you could lay about," muttered Millie.

"What was that?"

"Er… nothing! So, Daisy, have I shown you ze Earl's recently opened dinosaur park?"

"Why, I don't believe so," Daisy admitted. "I never knew the Earl was so fascinated with prehistoric history."

"You should've seen what happened when I gave Samson a scare into thinking ze volcano was about to erupt!" Millie chuckled.


Later that day, Connor was bringing some foreign visitors to Ulfstead Castle. Daisy was waiting at the station when the blue streamlined engine arrived.

"Afternoon, Daisy," Connor greeted. "Surprised to see you here and not on the Ffarquhar branch."

"Well, I do enjoy a change of pace from time to time," insisted Daisy. "Besides, it's absolutely grand being able to help out at the castle while Stephen is away." At that point, the visitors were getting out of Connor's coaches. "I'm sure these people will be quite impressed with such a unique engine like moi."

"Oh, I'm sure they will be," chuckled Connor. Amongst the passengers was a couple who walked up to Daisy's front.

"Bonne journée," the gentleman greeted. "Ma femme et moi souhaitons visiter les sites de ce château." [Good day. My wife and I wish to tour the sites of this castle.]

Daisy could tell that these people spoke French, and she loved nothing more than being able to share the language. However, I'm sorry to say that she wasn't all that good at translating it.

"Er… uh… oui?" Daisy faltered. "I can take you to where you're needed!"

"Do you need any help here, Daisy?" asked Millie as she pulled up on the narrow gauge platform.

"Er, no thank you, Millie," said Daisy as the French couple boarded her. "I should have no problem with these visitors whatsoever!"

"J'ai le sentiment que ce diesel ne peut pas parler Français pour lui sauver la vie," the woman whispered to her husband, who only nodded in agreement. [I have a feeling this diesel cannot speak French to save her life.]

"Oh, merci beaucoup," said Daisy, setting off and thinking they were complimenting her. Millie giggled while Connor looked on with a puzzled expression.

"What's all that about?" he asked.

"Sounds like Daisy's in for a world of trouble," remarked Millie.


Millie had no idea how right she truly was. Daisy had brought the visitors all the way to Knapford station.

"Here we are!" she announced. "The château of your request – Knapford station!"

The couple got out of Daisy and looked all around them. Trains were entering and departing, platforms were crowded, and the staff members were very busy. The couple looked at one another and were not impressed.

"Pourquoi nous as-tu emmenés ici?" asked the gentleman. "Nous voulions voir le château, pas une gare!" [Why have you taken us here? We wanted to see the castle, not a station!]

"Oh dear, my apologies," said Daisy. "I didn't realize you were interested in seaside views. Climb aboard; I know just the place that has a good view of the sea!"

Once the couple had got on board again, and with a toot of her horn, Daisy set off to her next location…


"Here we are!" Daisy announced grandly. "Brendam docks, one of the biggest and busiest on the whole island! And there's a lovely view of the sea to go along with it."

The couple looked out from one of her windows, where they caught a view of the sea, before it was suddenly blocked by some trucks.

"I say!" snapped Daisy. "What's the big idea in blocking the visitors' view?"

"Arr, sorry about that, lass," said Salty, "but there be trucks with loads waitin' to be delivered!"

"And you're in Timothy's way," added Cranky. "He's coming in with some trucks from the clay pits in about five minutes!"

"Alright, alright, I'll be on my way!" snapped Daisy, setting off once more. "Perhaps you'll like to see the Blue Mountain Quarry instead…" Needless to say, the couple were even less impressed than before.

"Comment diable ce diesel peut-il être si incompétent?" asked the wife. [How on earth could this diesel be so incompetent?]

"Tout ce qu'on voulait c'était voir le château," her husband agreed, "et à la place, elle nous envoie partout ailleurs!" [All we wanted was to see the castle, and instead, she sent us everywhere else!]


Meanwhile, back at Ulfstead Castle, Millie had been giving tours of the grounds all by herself in Daisy's absence. She'd barely had enough time to do all of her other tasks and was feeling exhausted.

"Millie, where's Daisy?" asked the Earl. "I thought Sir Topham had sent her to help you."

"She was," insisted Millie, "but now she's taking a couple of French visitors to who-knows-where and I don't know when zey'll be back!"

"We'd better go look for them," said the Earl, climbing into Millie's cab. "Daisy can't have gone far from here!" With a blow of her whistle, Millie and the Earl set off to find Daisy.


Daisy had just brought the couple to the Blue Mountain Quarry. It was very busy, dirty and noisy, so Daisy had to speak up just to make herself heard.

"And here we have the Blue Mountain Quarry!" she cried. "Apologies for the noise, but I hope the view of the cliffs is to your liking!"

Alas, the couple were too busy covering their ears from the noise to hear what Daisy was saying. They were just about to voice their complaints when Millie arrived.

"Daisy!" she called. "What in ze Great Railway are you doing here?"

"I was trying to show these visitors the sites they wished to see," insisted Daisy. "Yet nothing has been very well in their eyes yet."

The couple stepped out of Daisy, and walked over to Millie and the Earl.

"Nous voulions juste voir les sites du château," the husband explained. "Et à la place, ce moteur fou nous a emmenés partout dans l'île!" He gestured to Daisy at that last moment. [We just wanted to see the castle sites. And instead, this crazy engine took us all over the Island!]

"Je comprends parfaitement," sympathized Millie, speaking this time in French. "Nous vous ramènerons au château en un rien de temps." [I completely understand. We will have you back at the castle in no time.]

"Oh, what are they talking about now?" groaned Daisy.

"Zese people never wanted to see all of ze island," Millie explained. "Zey merely wanted to see ze sites of Ulfstead Castle."

"This whole misunderstanding could have been completely avoided if you had just asked Millie to translate for you, Daisy," the Earl added. "If you didn't understand what these people were saying, why didn't you just ask for help?"

"I thought I understood enough French to understand where they wanted to go," admitted Daisy. "But it would seem I have much more to learn than I realize."

"You should never be afraid to ask for assistance, Daisy," Millie insisted. "I've made quite a few mistakes myself when I was first brought to ze Estate Railway. But in time, I managed to grow into it with help from ze Earl."

"I think we'd better return to the castle," suggested the Earl. "The visitors would be exhausted by the time they'd finished the tours on foot, and we can't have that now, can we?"

"Of course not," agreed Millie; the couple had also decided to return to the castle with Millie instead of taking any more chances with Daisy. The diesel railcar didn't travel far before she felt her engine make a sputtering noise, and then came to a complete stop.

"Ohh, what now, driver?!" she cried.

"Your fuel tank's empty, Daisy. And it's no wonder, what with all that rushing around, taking the visitors to the wrong places."

"Oh, what a disaster!" groaned Daisy. "How am I going to get back to Ulfstead Castle now?!"

Just then, she and her driver heard another horn; it was Paxton coming up behind her with a train full of stone.

"Oh, hello there, Daisy," he said cheerfully. "Never thought you'd be the type of engine to visit a quarry. Bad for your swerves and all. Er… what are they, anyway? Your swerves, I mean."

"Oh, Paxton!" begged Daisy, ignoring his question. "Could you please be a dear and take me to the nearest fuel pump? I need to get back to Ulfstead Castle before it gets dark!"

"Sure thing, Daisy," smiled Paxton, buffering up behind Daisy and getting coupled up. "The Earl needs me to deliver some supplies anyway. Don't want to spread a rumor about, but I think I heard him say something about a railway museum…"


With Paxton's help, Daisy was refueled, and back at Ulfstead Castle in no time. It was getting close to dusk by the time she returned, just enough time for one final tour. Thankfully, no other visitors spoke in French for Daisy to get confused.

"Next time, I'll leave translations to the professionals," she said to herself.


The following morning, Stephen returned from the Steamworks following his maintenance checkup. Daisy was just getting ready to leave to return to the Ffarquhar branch line.

"So, what did I miss?" Stephen asked. Daisy blushed with embarrassment, and just rolled away without a word. Thankfully, Millie was there to tell him all about the ordeal with the French couple. Stephen couldn't help but laugh.

"My goodness," he chortled. "Sounds like all Daisy had to do was 'pardon her French'!"

Daisy overheard Stephen and Millie's laughter and just rolled her eyes as she rumbled away. She hoped that, in future, she would never have to deal with an ordeal like this again.

THE END


Author's Comments

Three original stories within the span of a month? Whoever would've thought? This was another fun one to write up, as I sometimes wondered what would happen if Daisy and Millie were to ever interact, especially since the former had begun to use French phrases in Series 20. This story takes place prior to Lost Treasure as Daisy is still on the Ffarquhar branch, and there's also a hint at the Earl's railway museum that was never fulfilled. I'm hoping to write up a mini-series that will fill that gap and incorporate a character that technically appeared in model form, but never in the books.

Upcoming stories:

- Riddle Me This - A series of crimes take place around Knapford, and Charlie becomes interested in the mystery as the perpetrators have left riddles behind. Will Charlie meet his match and come across the riddle that even he can't solve?

- Every Dog Has Its Day - While on the way back to the Search and Rescue Center, Belle and her crew encounter a litter of abandoned puppies and bring them home. It's later revealed that they were deliberately abandoned, and so the puppies become pets to the rescue center team, eventually joining their ranks.

- Whistling Wilfred - Whilst out on a run outside of Peel Godred, Stevie the electric engine learns about how Wilfred gained his nickname as "the musical engine".

- Emily's Delivery - Helen Hatt goes into labor while on Emily's train, and the emerald engine has to rush her to the hospital, but can she make it on time?

- The Lion and the Antelope - The engines become afraid of a new crane that's been brought to help at Crock's Scrap Yard. However, one of the engines has a history with him...