Date posted: 19th August 2022
We're in the endgame now, says Agent, for the last five chapters.
Stuff stuff, Discord, stuff stuff, review/fav/follow, etc.
Chapter 18: Pink Floyd
Raucous laughter startled Shino from her coffee brewing, she almost dropped her spoon. "What is it?"
Kazuto, who was lying on the sofa, merely waved. "I'll tell you in a bit. You finish up."
She was almost done with grinding the coffee. She found the process therapeutic. The police station she worked at always had terrible coffee, the kind in a huge container, and always cold, always drenched in an unhealthy amount of sugar. The smell of freshly ground coffee, pouring hot water over the filter, the works. She thought of buying those fancy coffee machines with the press and all those doo-dads, but the kitchen was nowhere big enough for that. Maybe one day, if she and Kaz moved into a bigger house.
Then, just as suddenly as the thought came, she banished it with a few slaps to her cheeks.
The coffee smelled delicious; she'd been sniffing a lot as of late. "Perfect!"
She came to the living room sofa and gently placed Kazuto's cup on the desk. "Okay, so what's up?"
"Hold on, I'll forward you the link."
Her phone buzzed and lit up and she checked it. Her eyes widened. "What."
"Read it out loud!"
She did so, forgetting her coffee:
Breaking News from IGN:
Argus said on Wednesday, that Akihiko Kayaba, head of Argus Game Studios based in Tokyo, Japan, will retire on January 1st after 18 years with the company.
Akihiko Kayaba, Nobel award winning neurosurgeon with ten years in the medical field of brain surgery, is known best for creating the first generation Medicuboid, a machine that helps coma victims interact with the living world. He would later leave his highly valued position as surgeon to work found Argus and create the world's first Full Dive game using the SEED engine.
Serving as CEO, game director, head writer and head programmer, Argus launched Sword Art Online in 2031, and has been working on its expansions for the past eight years.
"Skip the corpo talk!" said Kazuto.
"Akihiko Kayaba is a shining example of work ethics, innovation, bla bla, we wish him the best."
She returned to the article: The latest SAO expansion, Unital Ring, was released to middling reviews with many critics finding the focus on crafting to be meandering and unintuitive. The controversy of Kayaba leading the game's most popular guild was cited as the catalyst for the mass exodus of SAO players to other games.
IGN was not able to receive a comment from Kayaba himself. Chief Operating Officer, Rinko Kayaba, will be taking over his role as CEO. There has been no comment on who will take the reins in the development of Sword Art Online.
She finally looked up from her phone. "Wow. They fired him. Well, 'retired' him."
"Serves that bastard right!" he said, sipping his coffee."This hasn't been big news since Microsoft bought Bethesda and Blizzard almost two decades ago."
They dwelt quietly on their sofa, watching the snow falling. Just her, her boyfriend, and the warmth of her drink. Kazuto smelled like … lemons.
"Are you using women's shampoo?"
"Nooo, I'm using normal men's shampoo. Manly man shampoo. Lemon, the manly fruit."
She clocked a brow at that. "Suguha recommended it to you, didn't she?"
He threw his hands into the air. "I don't know anything about hair care! Apparently conditioner and shampoo are two different things? How was I supposed to know that?"
Her heart grew twice in size. "And you're doing it for me?"
"Absolutely not. The world doesn't revolve around you, Asada. Get over yourself," he said with the utmost seriousness, the smile ruining the effect.
He leaned back into the sofa, sipping his coffee. "This coffee is great, by the way. I really shouldn't have fallen asleep like last time."
"Don't worry, you were a good mattress. I'm glad you like it." She cuddled closer to him. "So, what do you think will happen to SAO?"
Kazuto raised a finger. "Two things: One, SAO will finally be good as entire mechanics get retooled, leading to a renaissance that will draw old players like me back in and draw in new blood."
He raised a second finger. "It crashes and burns without Kayaba's guidance, because he's the only person who knows the engine inside and out."
Shino nodded understandably. "But there's other SEED games."
"True, but even Zaskar hires previous Argus devs to work on it. From what I heard from my fellow code monkeys, the reason why there's been little to no naval combat in GGO was because they can't make the monsters work well. Water has always been a pain to handle. It's why water in any SEED game has always been a little jelly like."
She cocked her head sideways. "How do you know so much about this?"
Kazuto looked left and right, placed his mug onto the table and said, "I'm actually the lead programmer for GGO."
Shino snorted so hard she almost dropped her very pricey coffee.
"It's true. The final battle with Doc Whatshisface -"
"Aesculapius."
"I don't speak Greek."
"It's Latin."
"Yeah, Doc Whatever, will actually be dealt with neither guns nor words, but a duel with a children's card games."
She rolled her eyes. "Okay, dude."
Kazuto daintily placed a hand on his chest. "Asada-san, you dare be skeptical of SwordMasterKirito69, the most famous programmer on all the interwebz?"
"Just finish your coffee, smartass. Anyway, does this mean you're going back to SAO?"
"No. Never. I have sworn an oath, to never return to that horribly designed game with terrible mechanics and lore and -"
"What if they added bows though?"
"Oh yeah, 100%."
She threw a cushion at him which he narrowly dodged. "So much for an oathkeeper."
He snapped his fingers. "You would be great as an archer. Think about it, catgirl Sinon -"
"There are catgirls in SAO?"
"Well, no, everyone's human, but what if though? And you can wear a duster, and be all Robin Hood-"
"We could just play ALO, that game actually does have cat people in it."
Kazuto waved off her suggestion. "Nah, fairies and stuff? And Norse mythology is soooo overdone."
"I tried a free weekend with it, the flying is really fun! If GGO ever adds proper jetpacks, I'm all for it."
"I can see a lot of tactical use of jetpacks. Yeah, grappling is a lot more tacticool, but just imagine being able to fly into the air -"
Shino cut him off. "So we can get a better vantage spot for sniping!"
" - so we can fly into the enemy's backline and engage in glorious melee combat!" he finished.
Shino sighed. "First the sword, then the chainsword, and now the chainmail."
"But I look so cool in flak and mail though! Like post-apocalyptic knights! And you could definitely use a bow. With exploding tips." His face turned sour. "Can't freaking believe GGO has bows but SAO doesn't."
"Bow builds only have a 300 yard max range, and effective range is 100 yards. They're even more impractical with heavy tipped arrows."
He smirked. "Ah, so you have tried it."
She tried to hide her face behind her mug. "Says the guy who runs in with a sword."
"You use a sword too! Besides, I can just imagine it." He pulled an imaginary bow, difficult considering the person besides him. "You, an amazonian princess, pulling back a bow, your back muscles tensing through your thin futuristic bodysuit …"
Shino snorted. "Do I have to wear a red bandana too?"
"You could go topless," he suggested.
He got karate chopped in the forehead. "Bonk, go to horny jail."
"That's my line."
"So, you heard?"
Klein looked at his cards, grumbling. They weren't great. He was still covered in a fair amount of dust after all the explosions.
After the Mimic Assassin incursion, CHAD and Makarov had scrambled five squads, Fuurinkazan included, to run around the tunnels of Under-Corinth and destroy numerous tunnels that were obviously supposed to lead to the bunker. It was hard work, needing to fight the Deep Dwellers and destroying their homes, but it was all done in the name of security. CHAD had sent some of the Mobile Guard to return to their commander, so they could acquire some drilling equipment to make new tunnels.
He cracked the knuckles of his left hand - all flesh. The Mobile Guard's vat technician, StonedScientizt, had set up shop in Vovo's lab and was helpfully churning out «Patch Flesh», limbs, fingers, toes, and even eyes for the injured. This helped keep the cost of cloning way down, allowing players to be in the fight longer lest they find themselves back in Glocken's cloning labs.
That was great, really … except he was denied a new bionic by the Warhawks' head doctor, VicVek. "Can't give em' out like candy, Klein-san. Sorry."
He got it. He really did, but he really wanted two bionic hands. His right hand, which was the personification of steel, whirred softly under his red glove. Man, it would be so cool if he went all metal. From the moment he understood the weakness of flesh, it disgusted him.
"Yo, Klein."
Klein snapped from his self loathing. "Sorry, did you say something?"
"You know, the news?" asked Issin.
"Yeah, the price of the 12 gauge ammo went up! I swear, this game hates us shotgunners!"
Issin raised an eyebrow, his new bionic eye, with its telescopic lenses, covered by a cap. Everyone in the FuurinKazan insisted he covered it, and he insisted he could not in fact, see through cards with it. "No, Fearless Leader, I'm talking about how -"
The door flew open, Dale, in his new heavy flak, held up his PDA. "Yooo! Kayaba got fucking fired!"
The samurai's eyes widened. "He what?!"
Dynamn, the only other player at the table, started rubbing his temple. "Dammit, can't we play poker normally without interruption? Just once?"
And so the FuurinKazan, who hated Akihiko Kayaba with all their heart, descended into beer and chatting, the poker game quickly forgotten. As always with this sort of news, it branched off into a bunch of insane theories that were completely unfounded - new mechanics, reworked balance changes, completely new areas, that sorta thing. ("Maybe they'll even add bows!" Harry suggested) It was a microcosm for every sort of online discourse regarding video games.
"Maybe they'll find uses for ballistae in the game outside of specific areas," said Dale, who always went on about being some sort of engineer in-game.
"Dale, brother, I don't think Argus will be anywhere near good enough to pull that sorta thing," Klein said sympathetically then looked at his can. "Ah, we're out of beer. Let me buy the next round."
He left to the cheers of his comrades. A quick trip to the vending machine (the drinks kind, not the ammo kind) later, he bumped into a familiar face. "Yo, Mason-san. Want a drink?"
The journalist looked into the basket filled with a dozen beers and shook his head. "Ah, no thanks. I don't drink."
Klein nodded. "Good man, it's a bad habit. So, have you heard of -"
"Kayaba retiring? Yeah, it was rumoured a while ago that this was gonna be the case." They walked together. "I suppose this really shouldn't come off as a surprise, SAO's player base has been bleeding out for a long time."
"What do you think's gonna happen?"
He shrugged. "Who knows. Maybe the game will get better. Maybe it'll get rebooted."
"Yeah, but eight years of content though? Seems like a big job."
"Maybe. But I wouldn't mind. Anyway, I've to meet CHAD for a mission."
Klein was sure to keep a most neutral face. "Ya' sure? You're a little, uh -"
"Yes, I'm level 2. I am well aware." He tapped his camera which hung around his neck and gave him a wry smile. "But don't worry, I've covered wars, you know."
An idea came to him. "Hey, before you go, I got something for ya'. By the way, do you happen to have a gym bag or something?"
The Pink Slime squeaked, almost mockingly, as the thirty or so 5.56 rounds floated harmlessly within it, like bits of fruit inside jello. Kirito extracted his rifle from the gun port, the barrel ever so slightly smoking.
"It's laughing at me," he said.
"Imagine being outsmarted by sentient jello," said Stone, shaking his head. "I think the tank guys are still mad about it."
Kirito and Sinon found themselves back in Vladimir's lab. Someone had extracted the slime from the walls again, a bigger chunk about the size of a dog, and safely contained it in a sealed case. Kirito made sure to close the hole before placing his gun on the table.
Vladimir tapped his pencil on his clipboard. "Hmm, not even the «Enhanced Anti-Mutie Round» is affecting it. The glass casings aren't even shattered. But if Klein's experience is correct …"
Kirito reached for another box of rounds. "Right, time to use «Enchanted Fire Bullets»."
"They're called «Incendiary Rounds»," said Sinon.
He began loading them with practiced ease. "Yeah, tomato tomato. It'd be easier if the guns were enchanted instead."
Sinon scoffed. "No way. Enchanted guns mean every bullet fired has the enchantment applied. Specialised ammo fits well to the tactical choices the game strives for. It would also greatly mess up the in-game economy because it would make player crafter builds useless. Furthermore -"
Kirito turned to Vladimir. "I shouldn't have said that."
She was still talking about the importance of different ammo types in the background. "You argue about this a lot?"
"Just one of her pet peeves. She really likes different ammo types in games."
"Well why wouldn't she? She's right!" said Stone.
The sniper didn't even notice Stone. "Not only that, but there's also the matter of weight distribution. Armour piercing ammo is heavier than full metal jacket, and it messes up troop disposition. The game would be way too easy -" she continued, oblivious to everyone focusing on the job.
"I'mma just shoot the slime," he proclaimed and slid open the gun port.
"Remember, just one round," reminded Vladimir.
The slime made more noises, which to Kirito sounded like farting noises.
"Die, you little shit."
The round embedded itself into the slime, detonating within the monster. The chemical reaction with the Anti-Mutie poison reacted violently. The entire case, which was perfectly clear and clean, was suddenly bright pink. Not a single milimeter of the hardy glass was spotless. It was as if someone detonated a bucket of paint within it.
"Whoa!" shouted Sinon.
"Eureka!" the scientists exclaimed.
"Hah! Take that!" He extracted his rifle, bits of slime dripping from his barrel. "Oh man, I just cleaned this."
"Fantastic work, gentlemen," said a voice at the door. Everyone turned to see the gasmasked commander, hands behind his back with the journalist and Titanium Wall in tow. He nodded to Sinon. "And gentlecat."
"I didn't do anything. I just watched."
CHAD picked up one of the 5.56 «Anti-Mutie» rounds, inspecting the glass tip consisting of the poison. "Is it possible to combine this with the incendiary rounds so everyone can use them?"
"I'm afraid not. Or at least, I don't even think the game's coding will allow such a thing."
Mason took a picture of the case. "You think you can do that again? It'll make for great footage."
"That was our only specimen, sorry."
The Wall slapped Mason on the back, making him almost drop his camera. "WORRY NOT, AL-AMRIKI. WE WILL BE HUNTING THESE DIABOLICAL JELLO SOON ENOUGH."
Kirito finally cleaned the gunk out of his barrel and raised an eyebrow. "Hunt for what?"
CHAD explained the mission briefly. "One of the Virtues has hunted down the location of the lab that produces this slime. You, Sinon, and Wall will be the one executing this mission. Mister Mason shall be accompanying you as a photographer. Try not to get him killed."
"No offense, Mason-san, but why? You're a bit low level for this sorta thing."
"I can explain that," said Vladimir. "We need two components to create the enhanced poison: fire and «Mimic Poison», the same kind that's coated on those creatures' blades. We are quite lacking in both. The former, while not uncommon, are pricey. The second, very rare. To destroy the Pink Slime coating Corinth's walls, we need a mixture of both fire and the poison. And to do both, we need money."
Stone continued, "The Mobile Guard's in and is willing to chip in with the cash, but we also want to convince the other guilds to chip in the money. And -"
"Mason is along to capture footage to show how effective they are," finished Sinon.
The journalist tapped his camera. "I'm afraid I'm the only person capable of using it. There's only one of them in existence. Well, on this server anyway. It's tied to a contract my company has with Zeskar, I won't bore you with the deets."
Kirito made a long 'o' sound. "But how are you going to get the Mimic Poison. I don't think you can farm that sorta thing."
"We've got Colonel Honshu of the Warhawks working on that," said CHAD. "I also won't bore you with the details, but he says he'll be able to do it. As long as we have enough of the poison, the Frontlines outside will be able to do something to their artillery and blast down the walls. We only have a small amount of the rounds, and the Zakon are painstakingly converting their 5.45 AK barrels to 5.56 so I'm afraid they won't be available in combat roles. They're also upgrading the APCs, so we'll see how that goes."
"But 5.45 is smaller than 5.56, can't you just convert 5.45 Anti-Mutie rounds instead?" asked Kirito.
Everyone stared at Kirito and Sinon bent over to whisper something in his ear. "Hey, don't look at me, gun math doesn't make sense."
CHAD ignored him. "You'll rendezvous with my man at the location I just sent you. Any other questions?"
"Can you light my swords on fire?" Kirito asked.
"I mean I could, but you'll just destroy it. No Charcoal Pine Resin, I'm afraid," said Vladimir.
Kirito pouted. Sinon ruffled his hair.
Someone else raised their hand. "Yes, Wall?" asked CHAD.
"WARMASTER, WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS OPERATION?"
"I'm afraid there isn't one."
The Wall's features lit up. "CAN WE CALL IT OPERATION: PINK FLOYD?"
"Sure, why not."
"GROOVY."
Kirito looked to CHAD. "You're gonna let him name another operation after this, aren't you?"
He shrugged. "I'm very bad at making up names."
Corinth was in celebration.
Below them an army, not of soldiers or militia, but of party goers. They were singing and chanting their fight against injustice. Cheap beer was plenty, and the mutant residents were happy, uncaring for their tumors and diseases, living their lives as they intended - as free men.
But for all their merry making, there was still a state of uneasiness. Shotgun-totting militia guarded checkpoints; one in ten citizens were armed with some sort of weapon whether that be a sturdy pipe or a pipe gun; and under the shadows of buildings, Stormroopers were rooting out dissidents, class traitors and spies.
Two jet-dragons were lazing about like cats in front of city hall, where most of the people were celebrating. Children petted them, they had flowers on their heads, and were painted with the Republic's Helix symbol. In western myth, dragons were harbingers of doom, the symbol of avarice. To the Republic, they were heroes, protectors of the downtrodden and the symbol against the iron fist of capital.
And here they were, planning their demise.
"Man, that's a lot of people," said Mason, peering down from the rooftop he was on. His camera appeared in his hand as quickly as Tadao's Redhawk would and he started shooting.
Sinon idly wondered if she could slay a dragon with a well aimed eye shot. Headshots did nothing, she knew, she had hunted «Sand Wyrms» before. Those things tanked .50 cal like, well, tanks.
A gust of wind blew at them, throwing down Kirito's hood, which he quickly pulled back up. "Come on, we're almost to the lab."
There were two general ways to get around the city: on ground or on the rooftops. Both presented a fair number of challenges, and unlike sneaking into the BOW facility to upload «Dragonslayer», there were no easy methods to disguise themselves with fake papers; though their Militia uniforms provided good enough concealment from rooftop watchers.
The Wall whistled. "WHAT A GLORIOUSLY MASSIVE CREATURE, I WISH TO SLAY IT."
Sinon shared the sentiment. Maybe they could craft armour with the scales, she could ask Satoh about that.
Traversing was difficult for half of them; Sinon was able to long jump fifteen meters, nearly double the current Olympic record, and Kirito just shy of ten as long as he was stimmed up. They needed to shed their weight, and their cameraman was willing to shoulder his share of the burden, and the gym bag he was lugging around too. At times they used a twenty meter long foldable ladder as a bridge. Other times they used a rope and pulley system, which the Corinthians placed at numerous places on the rooftops. Without them, they couldn't have hauled the secret weapon with them. Only she and the Wall had the strength to carry and skill to use them effectively.
They reached a nondescript apartment block, one of hundreds, and descended down to the sixth floor from the rooftop. Kirito double checked his PDA. "This must be the room."
He rapped his knuckles on the door. A muffled voice said, "Password?"
Kirito looked at his PDA and the others. "CHAD didn't mention a password …"
"Well, password?" said the voice, and Sinon's enchanted hearing picked up the sound of the safety being flicked off.
The Wall placed a hand on the smaller player's shoulder. "WORRY NOT, SWORD MAN. I HAVE THIS."
The GI took Kirito's place and, with surprising softness and devoid of his All-Caps speech:
Hello? (Hello? Hello? Hello?)
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone home?
Come on now
I hear you're feeling down
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again
Relax
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?
They stood there for a good seven minutes, and the door swung open, revealing a player clad in a keffiyeh. A single tear rolled down his eye. "Brother, that was beautiful. If you were an enemy, I'd still let you in."
The Wall beamed. "THANK YOU, I AM THE LEAD SINGER IN MY BAND, VERY IMPORTANT TO BE GOOD AT IT."
"That was the password?" asked a confused Mason.
"What? There was no password. I was just joking."
They entered the apartment room, surprised at how homey it all was. The walls had lovely wooden paneling, every light source in the room (save for the gun bench in the corner) glowed a warm orange, and a kettle was boiling on a stove. On the other side of the wall was a collection of screens and a computer, a cyberdeck charging in a port. The only thing that was decidedly non-homey was the XM8 rifle on a tripod, leaning against the wall. And in the Sharpshooter variant too. Sinon approved.
She sniffed the air, on instinct. "Is that Arabica?"
"Indeed, it is. You know your coffee, catgirl."
"I have a name, you know."
"So do I. I am called Wahyu." He gestured to a noticeboard on one side of the wall. "Sit down, there's a few things to go over."
The kill team sat down to the briefing. From across the street was the main supply depot for the Republic of Mutantopia's military.
According to Wahyu, who had been doing surveillance on the supply depot for the past few days, there had been numerous nondescript trucks coming and going. There were little to no indications what they carried; no labels, no words, just a line of beige coloured working vehicles going to who knows where.
"From what I gather, they are carrying these barrels of Pink Slime outside of the city, using them as sentient building materials and as regular BOWs. As if the normal BOWs weren't bad enough."
"Just like the one that almost killed Klein," said Kirito.
Wahyu tapped on a map that was clearly designed for tourists, written in big bright letters. "After playing Spot the Truck for a while, I've discerned a pattern. The trucks are transporting supplies and ammo to outside the city, but some trucks are bringing the slimes from somewhere. There's a thousand or so buildings in the city, checking each one would take forever. But I've found the solution to this, and the ability to smuggle in our weapons. And you, Sinon, are the answer to our solution."
All eyes turned to her. Her ears flicked atop her head. "I better not be shoved in the box like last time."
Kirito laughed. "But it's really funny when you get put in a box."
Wahyu coughed. "Well …"
The guard raised an eyebrow at the papers. "So you are Pvt. Aisha Chan Chan?"
The lady in the form fitting uniform before him nodded cheerfully. "Nya! Corporal, 3rd Company of the Revolutionary Legion!"
He scratched his eye stalk with his other eye stalk. "And you're carrying boxes of … catnip."
"Combat drugs, nya! And weapons too!"
A Flesh Pupper stuck its three noses (two canine, one human) to the side of the crate. It sniffed for a moment before barking, a combination of a human mimicry and cow mooing. Its handler nodded to the guard. "Seems to check out."
The guard with the eye stalks shook his head. "Sorry, but I've never heard of this … company of cat people. Like, there's some messed up mutations out there in the Wastes, but never cat people. Where are you from?"
"Catolonia! The revolution is alive and well, comrade!"
The guard extended his right eye at her. "That's a made up place."
"No, no, Catolonia is a real place. In Spain, I think," said the handler guard.
"Cat people … from Catolonia … bringing in catnip and weapons."
"For Comeownism, nya!"
The guard waved her off. "Just get the hell outta here."
Sinon snapped a salute and pushed the load of crates into the building. After asking around, she located a nondescript truck, the driver taking a smoke break. She said nothing to him, made a sign, and he nodded. He gestured his head to the back of the truck.
Loading the crates into the back was easy with her enhanced strength. The driver finished his cigarette and wordlessly started up the vehicle.
They were on the road before Sinon finally spoke, "Whew, that was a close one. How you guys holding up?"
The voice was muffled under all the stuff underneath but she heard it all the same. "CATS WOULD NOT BE SOCIALISTS. THEY ARE ALL CAPITALISTS. HAVE YOU EVER MET A CAT?"
"Cats are indeed the most vile of creatures."
Sinon knocked a crate. "You're just angry that now you're in the box instead of me."
Kirito mumbled incoherently in his coffin.
"I would have loved to have taken a picture of that guard," said Mason. It's a wonder how they could even hear each other.
A more abrupt knock came from the fourth coffin. "Quiet all of you, the driver will hear," said Wahyu.
Sinon peeked over the corner. "Alright, the coast is clear."
A sharp cracking sound and the driver was dead. The Wall gave her the thumbs up as he released the dead man. The rest of them dismounted from the back of the truck, hauling their equipment from the crates.
As they were double checking their gear, Kirito approached Sinon, handing her the Lynx. He had a new gun on him, an M27 IAR courtesy of the Mobile Guard. It was one of the better assault rifles in the game.
"You good?" she asked.
"Yeah, I guess so."
She frowned. "What's wrong?"
"It's just … this." He patted his gun.
"Yes, and?"
"It's not my AR-15."
She frowned. "Kirito, that is an AR-15. An AR-15 platform."
"Nuh-uh, the gun's called an M27 IAR, whatever that is."
"It's an HK-416: a short-stroke gas piston system with a heavier barrel. It's really not that different from your old M4A1. Think of it like an RPK variant of an AR-15."
"M4s are AR-15s?"
She bit her tongue and mentally counted to three.
Kirito continued, "Anyway, I don't like it. Why can't I just use my old M4?"
"We need a machine gunner and Wall can't do it, because they don't make Anti-Mutie rounds in .30-06. Besides, Wall is carrying the special weapon. And you didn't have an issue replacing your TMP with a Scorpion."
"Well, I mean -"
He looked away, but she spotted the pink on his cheeks. Kirito's long hair framing his face, his big purple eyes, and the slight blush, it took all her willpower not to pick him up and smother him with kisses.
It really was the contrast: his penchant for aggressive melee and almost berserker-like approach to combat, versus her hang back, shoot from afar method; actually, that was everyone's method. Usually backed up by gratuitous amounts of explosives. Now thinking about it, it was her boyfriend who was the weirdo and it was her who had been swayed by the seductive siren song of chainsword whirring.
"Do you want me to be the machine gunner?" She was up there in weight with her Lynx and her magazines. But she could carry it all, if needed.
Realisation dawned on her. "Wait, do you … have an attachment to your rifle, because it was my gun?"
"What? N-no! It's just a gun. That's silly."
She leaned down to him, at eye level. "Kaz. That. Is. So. Adorable."
He turned to her, a frown on him. "I am not adorable! I am a mighty swordsman, the Harbinger of Death! I am - noooo! Stop hugging meeee!"
As Kirito helplessly swung about like a ragdoll in his girlfriend's arms, Mason quietly snapped a pic. The Wall, who had left his BAR at Wahyu's place, strapped on his new weapon. His usual bandoliers of magazines were now stuffed with energy drinks.
Wahyu installed a suppressor to his XM8. "Enough you two. We've got a job to do."
The factory was nondescript, at first glance. Jumpsuited workers walked the lines of the assembly, checking the product for quality control. There seemed to be no guards whatsoever, but a high amount of security cameras and a very large operator in the middle of the chamber. This was the first clue; after all, why would a bubble gum factory need so many cameras?
"THE WALL HAS NEVER SEEN AN NPC CHEW BUBBLE GUM," the Wall proclaimed. "THE WALL DOES NOT EVEN THINK IT'S EVEN AN IN-GAME ITEM."
The group was currently in the back rooms, far from any employee, where they stored cleaning supplies. Wahyu had his cyberdeck out, a gadget that could be described as a keyboard with a screen on it. It was the most defined armament of a «Hacker» build.
An alarm started blaring and everyone clutched their weapons. The workers calmly stopped working, got into neat orderly lines and walked out, leaving the miles of gum on the rollers. Sinon noticed there was no wrapping machine at the end of the process. It was surreal to see the workers being so calm, despite the war and the raging party outside.
"Don't worry, I did that," said the Virtue.
Kieito nodded. "Nice. Wait, is that computer of yours running Raspbian?"
"Yep."
"They made Raspberry Pi work in the SEED engine?!"
"We can chat about OS later. Right now, we'll be heading down that elevator," he said, gesturing to the elevator in the middle of the room. "Be ready, there could be anything down there."
Years of playing video games had accustomed Sinon to prepare for the worst when it came to elevators. With the five of them and their bulky gear, there was still space to spare.
The Wall was chuckling evilly, patting his flamethrower as if it were a pet. The Inferno Launcher X666 was one of the few fictional weapons in the game. It was a compact thing, roughly the size of a sniper rifle in length. With a few canisters of pressurised chempalm (a mixture of chemful and napalm) in his pack, it had the ammo to last most missions.
It was also extremely unpopular. Most video games fell into the categories of flamethrowers sucking or flamethrowers being very good. GGO fell into the latter group. However, it was perhaps too effective, with friendly fire being extremely common. In fact, flamethrowers made up 40% chance of friendly fire incidents compared to artillery at 20%.
From a pouch, Wahyu let slip what appeared to be rubber balls. Sinon may have little experience when it came to drones, but she knew they were «Spook Spheres». They rolled between the bars of the elevator, dropping into the chasm below. It took a solid minute for them to reach the bottom. Wahyu's cyberdeck lit up, multiple camera feeds popping onto the screen. "Hmm, the coast looks to be clear. But be ready. And Wall, try not kill us with that."
"NO PROMISES."
The elevator doors opened with a rattle and the kill team pointed their weapons into the hallway. Mason made himself as small a target as possible, hiding behind the Wall's considerable bulk.
They moved slowly under the bright white lights, their boots squeaking far too loudly on the spotless white tiles. Hundreds of hours of experience making their virtual bodies equal to that of veterans, save for Mason who was the squeaky wheel in their group. Even now, he was only armed with a pistol, which Sinon found ridiculous. But then again, she herself was using an AMR in close quarters.
It didn't take long for them to reach the first corridor, and beyond it, a long glass panel. "MY GOD."
"Holy crap," said Kirito under his breath. Mason wordlessly started snapping.
Beneath them was a massive pool, almost four times as large as a swimming pool, and within it was an ocean of pink slime. Striding upon the surface, scientists in environmental suits rowed on aluminium boats with aluminium poles, like some sort of post-apocalyptic canals of Venice. There were jetties where they were doing tests and computers behind one set of glass encased rooms. The pink slime itself was alive, reacting to the food and tests with the excitement of some sort of gelatinous puppy.
It also smelled wonderful. "This is the nicest smelling dungeon I've ever been to," said the sniper.
The Wall did the mental math in his head and looked down at his weapon. "BROTHER, I NEED A FLAMER. A HEAVIER FLAMER.
Wahyu shook his head. "Keep close. We'll head to the main office there," he said, pointing at an observational area, about a storey above the pool itself. "Then, we'll find a way to blow this place up."
It was surprisingly easy. The dozen scientists within the control room were no match for five (four) heavily armed soldiers. The room must have been sound proofed, considering the racket they had made with their melee weapons.
Wahyu flicked the blood off his machete, flawlessly cleaning it with a single swipe. "I'll check the controls. Mason, keep shooting. The rest of you, on me."
The rest of the kill team did little in the way of anything save to make sure they didn't approach the windows. The guards were non-existent and that worried Sinon more than them hanging above a pool of slime that could murder them in an instant. None of their weapons would do anything against it.
"Man, all this while, and not a single shot fired. This is easy," said Kirito.
"Brave words for someone who's played this game as long as you have," said Sinon.
"I disagree. The game's gonna jump us, I know it," said Mason, still taking footage. "If I were GMing, when we complete our objective, the rest of the facility will finally take notice of us. Chances are, guards will start pouring in, and we'll have to escape the facility before we're swarmed."
"I'll bet you 100 credits that we'll be completely fine," challenged Kirito.
"I don't gamble, but sure, I'll take that bet."
Sinon idly tapped her fingers on a console. "I wonder how we're gonna get enough Mimic poison to supply the other half of this project."
Meanwhile, back in Under-Corinth:
A squad of four Warhawks were resting in the tunnels of the underground. They were armed with nothing but lead pipes, pieces of wood, and their leader had a Saturday Night Special peashooter, not even his beloved baseball bat. They were gathered in the middle of a wide tunnel, sitting on debris, with a barrel of fire in the middle. One of them was even playing a guitar.
"Oh boy, I sure do enjoy hanging out with you guys!" Ruth said loudly to his men. He gritted his teeth. He was a goddamn captain, why was he doing this?
"Uhh, sure thing, cap!" said the guitarist, tunelessly playing his instrument. "Just a group of buddies, enjoying bonding time!"
Another, who had a piece of stale sausage cooking over the fire, said, "Nothing better than hanging out with the bros, eating good food and some vodka!"
The last one, holding a bottle of water, hastily scrawled VODKA on the label, drank it. "Mmm, I love me some delicious vodka! The best!"
Something rang out at the end of the tunnel and all four of them jumped in their seats. "Holy shit," said one of them.
"Private Juro. G-go investigate."
Juro, the one with the sausage, turned to him with eyes wide as saucers. "Me? Why me?!" he squealed.
"Just do it, soldier!" he ordered, though knowing himself, Ruth probably sounded not too different. "Get to! It's probably nothing!"
"O-okay." Juro stood up, his legs shaking, picking up his pipe. None of them had flashlights. "Right. Nothing at all."
Brave Juro walked to his doom. Watching from their campfire, it was if he was swallowed by the darkness, and they, the prey for the monster that was the tunnel.
To Ruth, it felt like an eternity passed. "P-private!" he called out. "Are you okay?"
Ruth's own voice answered him. "Are you okay - okay - okay - ok -"
Screw this. "Men, time to pack up. We're leaving -"
He turned to see blood red eyes staring into him. From the corner of his eyes, the rest of the troops were out. In the creature's claws, a shimmering blade.
Ruth screamed.
Then suddenly the head exploded, bits of bone and skin splattering on his face. The creature dropped to its knees before falling to its side.
Ruth screamed even more.
A gloved hand clasped his shoulder, making ever so slightly jump. "Ah, that was a beautiful shot, ain't it, Captain Booth?"
The scream died down. It was baffling how the colonel was able to emerge from the shadows like that. "Colonel, sir. Please, swap me out."
Honshu shook his head, resting his M60-E3 on his shoulder. "No can do, captain. Captain Hikari and Captain Lootz are studying for their exams tomorrow, and you ain't. Besides, you ain't the only one around here. We've got the rest of the Hawks doing the same thing everywhere. You know how hard it is to farm these blades?"
The rest of the Mimics had similarly had their heads blown off. A couple of his men were already knocked out. Doc VikVek stepped out from the darkness of the tunnel, Pvt Juro behind him. The doc too had the blade in hand.
"You good, doc?" Hoshu called out.
"Good as can be," said VicVek, a P90 in hand. "I count four in total, not a bad haul."
"How much do we have now?"
The doc scratched his chin. "About twenty-nine, so far. Maybe even reaching forty if we checked the other groups."
Ruth wiped the blood off his face. "We're nearing fifty! That's good right, that's enough, right?"
VicVek shook his head. "Sorry, son. But these blades don't carry that much poison on them. We need a lot more than fifty."
"H-h-how many more?"
"Oh, about a hundred-fifty I reckon. Three hundred to be safe, though I ain't sure if there's that many of these Mimic bastards in the entire game."
Tears streamed down Ruth's face. Honshu clapped him on the shoulder again. "Don't worry, captain. Think of all the level ups you'll be getting!"
It took all of Ruth's willpower not to log out right then and there.
"So let me get this straight, the AKs everyone is using aren't AK-47s?"
"Yes. AK-47, the original ones, are actually extremely rare weapons and cost a fortune. The most common AK variant you see are AKMs."
"What are the Zakon using?"
"AK-74s and AK-112s, though the latter aren't actually all that great. It's a whole can of worms with the Ratnik program."
Kirito pursed his lips in that cute way when he was thinking deeply about something. "I can't believe the ARs in AR-15s don't actually stand for assault rifles."
"You'll see some gun snobbery if you shorten it, but don't worry about that. Yes, Mason-san?"
"What's your opinion on the SIG MCX SPEAR?"
Sinon clenched the table so hard it dented. "Oh boy let me tell you how I hate the SPEAR!"
"Please do not let the catwoman get into a rant," pleaded Kirito.
She threw her hands into the air. "General Dynamics should have paid a bigger bribe to the Army. It's the goddamn M14 all over again! The FN FAL is right there, Uncle Sam!"
Mason nodded. "Hmm, maybe I should ask another question."
"ARE YOU DONE YET? THIS IS THE FIFTH SCIENTIST I'VE SHOT!" said the Wall. By the door was a growing pile of bodies from newcomers coming into the control room. There were at least fifty scientists total down there. "I'M RUNNING OUT OF AMMO."
"You wanna borrow my arming sword?"
The GI scoffed as he checked his Hush Puppy handgun. "FRIEND KIRITO, I RESPECT YOU, BUT I'M NOT DUMB TO RUN INTO A GUN FIGHT WITH A KNIFE."
"Hey, it's not a knife!"
Before they got into it, the whole room shuddered and everyone leapt to their feet. A great groan reverberated throughout the massive chamber and suddenly it sounded like they were in the middle of a storm.
"And done," said Wahyu.
"What did you do?" asked Mason. Everyone looked outside. "Oh no, you didn't -"
"I cut off the air supply in the chamber. We'll be safe as long as we stay here."
Below them, the scientists were all running up the main stairs up to the control room. Wahyu flipped a detonator, and the entire structure exploded. Some of the workers even fell into the pool, instantly devoured. Everyone started running around like headless chickens.
"When they're all dead, we can go back up the elevator and blow the whole thing up. We do not have the firepower to destroy the pool, and before you ask, yes, I've checked everything."
"This does mean we'll likely have to fight through an army of guards, they probably figured out the fire alarm was a fake," said Sinon.
"BUT MY FLAMER!" said the Wall.
"Not sufficient," said the Virtue.
"Explosives?" asked Kirito.
"You just saw me using half of what I had, only a chunk of C4 left."
"What about the incendiary grenades in my gym bag?" asked Mason.
"I don't think -" he shut his mouth. "What did you say?"
The journalist plopped down the bag onto the floor and unzipped it. There had to be thirty of them in total. "Klein-san gifted them to me, he said I might need it."
Sinon blinked. "Mason-san, why didn't you say so in the first place?"
"Well, you guys didn't ask."
The Virtue turned to Kirito. "Unload all your rounds into the bag, I think we can kill the damn thing properly."
"Weird, but okay," he said, aiming his gun at the bag.
"NOT LIKE THAT!" everyone shouted.
It took them a while to unload all the rounds into the gym bag from Kirito's seven magazines (the magazines were borrowed and property of the Mobile Guard, mission or no, destroying borrowed property was rude) as well as Wall's chempalm canisters. Outside, the last of the remaining scientists have died, and on the console screens, three squads of Republic Stormtroopers awaited by the main elevator, an engineer trying their damndest to override Wahyu's programming. The vents were turned back on.
It was done. The gym bag was straining to contain the explosives and the ammo, but it was nothing some duct tape couldn't handle. "We'll drop this into the pool, blow it up with the last of my C4, and extract ourselves."
Mason frowned. "We're going to be attacked."
"Excuse me?"
"If I were GM, this is where I'd activate a boss monster to attack us."
The Wall, who was looking out the windows, said, "UH-OH."
Then the front window exploded in a shower of glass. Everyone jumped to cover.
Sinon found herself lying prone and her jaw dropped at the creature before her. It was the gooey pink slime the size of a great wave. Within it was a collection of the scientists in their environmental suits, their bodies preserved within the mass. It struck the main console, exploding it, yet even that did not seem to harm it.
She whipped up her Lynx, emptying five deafening rounds into the monster. The rounds tore apart the corpses of the scientists, but did nothing else. Kirito's chainsword came to life and he struck a good chunk of the goop as the rest of the squad opened fire.
"Mason, you're capturing this?" Wahyu called out.
Mason was currently dual wielding his camera and pistol, a combination that Sinon had never seen in her entire life. "I'm trying!"
"Good!" The Virtue dropped his weapons and hefted the gym bag over his back. He looked back at them. "Be sure to get that footage back to HQ. Sinon, you're in charge."
The Wall was shoving a new drum mag into his Tommy. "FRIEND WAHYU, WHAT ARE YOU -"
"Fly, you fools," he said, and plunged into the slime, detonator in hand.
Sinon's eyes widened. "Take cover! Into the lockers!"
They didn't need to be told twice. They emptied the contents of the lockers and shut the doors tight, save for Mason, who had his camera rolling from within the gap of the door.
The explosion went off, engulfing the world in flame.
"Took you long enough."
"Well excuse me, it's not like we can heroically sacrifice ourselves all badass-like!" complained Kirito, who was leaning on a crutch.
Wahyu sipped his tea. "Tactical sacrifice. Besides, it's not like I get XP for it."
CHAD ignored them. "Do you have it?"
Mason brought up his camera with his left hand. "Caught it all in 4k resolution." His right hand was burnt to a crisp and smelled something akin to pork whereas his camera was completely intact. "«Immortal Object», one of those legacy coding tricks from SAO."
The report was to the point: The explosion ripped apart a hole at the bottom of the pool, sinking into the sewers below. Their lockers became boats upon a rushing pink river. The Pink Slime must have not worked outside its pool, losing its viscosity and becoming more like water. It reminded Sinon of all things, like a water amusement park, but darker, and nowhere near as fun. If they could see themselves, it probably wouldn't look out of place out of a children's movie. They must have traveled a good five miles before the slime dried out.
The explosion also negatively affected the rest of the team: Mason with his burnt hand, half of Wall's face melting off, and at some point, a piece of rebar had impaled Kirito in the stomach. Their medical supplies were dwindling, and Kirito was on the verge of dying and losing all that XP.
And all of that, while being completely covered in the remains of the Pink Slime, bubble gum smell and all.
"However, with some smart use of Kirito's bionic enhancer-"
"You mean my DAB?"
"His combat stimms," she corrected, "We made it far enough to encounter a patrol of Warhawks, sitting around a campfire, who quickly gave us medical aid."
"And here you, back safe and sound," said CHAD, and though Sinon couldn't see it, she felt a smile through that gasmask of his. "Good work, Sergeant Sinon."
"Good work? More like fantastic work!" said Kirito.
"Kirito, please …"
"Out of all of us, Sinon-san was the least covered in the stuff," said Mason. "And she was the one scouting, dispatching Deep Dweller patrols while we cowered in fear in the shadows."
The Wall downed his energy drink before adding, "THE CATWOMAN EVEN TORE APART A SQUAD OF STORMTROOPERS IN MELEE, WITH HER BARE HANDS! IT WAS GLORIOUS."
Sinon felt her cheeks heat up and was thankful she was still covered in the pink stuff. "It was nothing, really. You'd all have done the same thing."
Kirito grabbed her hand, and leaned into her. "I love my berserker cat girlfriend," he said, beaming.
At that, she exploded. "Kyaa!"
On instinct, Sinon shoved him away in embarrassment. Kirito, who wore no helmet, slammed into a filing cabinet hard enough to dent it. He lay on the floor, bleeding.
Back in the real world, they were sitting on the sofa again. Shino's face was buried in a book. Kazuto sighed. "Oh come on, that was funny!"
"I could have killed you, idiot! You'd have lost all that XP!"
Putting down his phone, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "But it's true, why deny it?"
She had a lump in her throat, and spat it out, "So do you love me?"
Kazuto said nothing, and leaned in for a kiss. Whatever embarrassment she had had evaporated.
They pulled away from each other. "Are M4s AR-15s?"
"I swear, you're doing this on purpose."
They snuggled, lapsing into their comfortable silence. Then suddenly, Kazuto brought up his phone. "Ah, speaking of which, I'm thinking of getting some new shampoo."
"Oh really?"
He brought his phone to her. "What do you think about this?"
On it, was a shopping website, selling Bubblegum Scented Shampoo at a discounted price of 500 yen.
Her eyes were daggers. "No more coffee for you." Kazuto laughed.
Fun fact, did you know the AR in AR-15 stands for Assault Rifles? It's numbered 15 because it's the fifteenth assault rifle ever made. It's true. Don't tell Sinon I said that.
No Merchant Prince this month I'm afraid, I'll be doing something else, so keep an eye out for that. Til next time.
