A Puzzle From The Past

Author's note/Warning: This is a Yaoi story as in male x male. The pairing is Steve Rogers X Loki and Steve Rogers X Bucky Barnes. If it offends you, you might want to turn back now. For those that don't mind that, I hope you enjoy the story. All reviews are appreciated.

P.S: This is a canon-divergent story that takes place in the MCU timeline, there are subtle changes, such as the events of Thor (The first movie) Take place in the twenties; also there is no Bucky Barnes in this story, his character is just one big secret identity that boarded major identity issues; meaning, Loki is Bucky Barnes in this fic. I hope you enjoy ^-^v

Disclaimer: I will only say this once. I don't own anything and make no profit from this story.


Chapter 1


"His name was Bucky Barnes…"

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"I strip you of your powers!"

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"…or that's what everyone called him, his real name was…"

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"Of your immortality!"

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"No one really knew from where he came, but one day he was there…"

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"I banish you to Midgard!"

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"But ever since we met, the two of us were…"

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"…You are no longer my son…"

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"…we were…"

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"Should Loki learn humility and self-sacrifice, then he would be welcomed into the halls of Asgard once more… should he not, then he would live like a mortal, and die like one…"

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"He seems like a complicated puzzle, Cap…"

"..He sure is…"

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"No!"

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"Oh, God, look! There is a child in here!

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They had no idea where he came from… He had been found in the crater; a boy of about seven with long black hair. No one knew who he was or where he'd come from and when asked he didn't know where his parents were, other than waving insane tales that confused everyone. "I am Loki, God of Mischief!" He would say every time someone dared to ask him, holding his head high proudly, his arms crossed over his chest staring at them as if daring them to challenge him.

"Well, Loki, come with us…" One of the nuns said with a tolerant smile, causing the boy's jaw to set as he scowled at her, no doubt caused by the lack of proper address after he just introduced himself; even with the evidence of anger on his face, deep inside, worry and fear were taking hold of him.

"Why?" He asked, gazing around the place subtly as he tried to find an escape route, biting his tongue when he saw the many adults that were blocking his way, and no doubt was going to catch him if he tried to escape; everything was against him in his attempt to escape.

"So we can take care of you…" Another nun said, smiling gently, her words gaining nothing but a sneer. "Until your parents come…" She added when she saw him open his mouth to argue; in his distraction, he didn't see the other nun come and grabbed his arm. He struggled against her hold but he wasn't strong enough to break it and she towed him away; steely-eyed and harsh face, as she glared at him but he never stopped fighting her, screaming and scowling all the way to the orphanage, even when she kept a firm grip on his arm.

"I am going to get you for this!" He snapped haughtily as the door shut behind them, trapping him alone in the bare room that contained nothing but small beds and chests for clothes. "I am the future king of Asgard and you cannot keep me captive; you will pay for this!" A snarl and then more kicking and slamming at the door in the hope of someone opening the door so he can slip away.

Hours turned into days, which turned into weeks, which turned into months… if one thing was clear to Loki, it was that he despises the orphanage. He loathed it here! The beds were too hard, it was like sleeping on concrete; the blankets were too thin and scratchy, that it didn't protect them from the harsh coldness of winter, not that Loki hated the cold with his much higher tolerance and him being a Jotunn. But the worse thing in all of this farce was the other boys that snore, scream, or cry the night away, cutting whatever sliver of sleep Loki managed to gain after a tiring day of trying to escape or perform mischief on the nuns and the adults that came, which results in harsh rapped across the knuckles or being locked in the cleaning closet until he straightened his act.

Loki never slept in a room full of other whining, and annoying brats, just Thor, and even then, the oaf wasn't as half annoying as the ones he was stuck with. When no one was looking, or when he was between the realm of sleep and wakefulness, Loki can admit to himself that he missed his mother and foolish brother (Even if they weren't really his family). But he reassured himself that he would be home soon, that even if Odin decided to punish Loki for the mistakes that he was the cause of (Definitely not Loki, it was all Odin's mistake for lying and forcing Loki to be what he wasn't) The older man wouldn't allow his youngest son to stay in this backward realm any longer than necessary… Loki always slipped into sleep, being confident of that.

After the one-year mark since his fall… Loki had given up on everyone from Asgard; he had given up on them coming and saving him back from this disgusting place; because that was the only way Loki was going to leave this wretched realm, was by someone coming and getting him… for his powers were shackled to a mortal body, forever to be chained and hidden, not allowing him to open the gateways between realms... he remembered the orphanage where he was told over and over there was only one God, and being punished when he claimed otherwise. He remembered laughing in the faces of the nuns, as they either looked at him with annoyance or pity, thinking that something was wrong with his head and wondering why he was still with them instead of being thrown into the 'Asylum' where all the crazy like him were thrown and forgotten about.

No Odin, no Frigga, and no Thor came to take him back to Asgard, not even Heimdall when Loki continued to scream and later whisper for the guardian to open the Bifrost. The doctor that came and went always told him he had invented Asgard to get over the trauma of losing his parents and brother; that all of this was just his imagination… Loki would never admit it, but a small part of him believed it.

"They're real then?" One day, Loki asked in boredom, decided to humor the doctor who no doubt would be the one who decided his fate if he was going to go to the 'Loony pin' as all the kids laughed and jeered at him, or if he was going to go into a home, just like all the other healthy and perfect kids. "I didn't make them up too?" His lips tremble and he had to hold his tears, internally, grimacing when he saw the doctor smiling sympathetically at him; part of Loki wondered why until now he decided to finally use his acting and trickster ways to gain sympathy when the last year was spent with him trying to prove everyone wrong in their assumption and getting punished for it.

"No, they were real. But try to remember that this is real, that Asgard doesn't exist." The doctor stressed these words, making Loki nod solemnly, his action brought a huge proud smile to the man's face followed by the nuns who started thanking God, that the boy who everyone thought was possessed had finally stopped his madness; Loki let them think about what they wanted to think, after all, it doesn't matter anymore, he was nothing but a filthy mortal like them that was cast out of Asgard with no way back home…. Deep down, Loki could never quite forget about his real home, and what he used to be, even when everyone around him try to convince him otherwise.

His life was once again thrown into disarray when some couple actually came up to adopt him out of every other child in this forsaken orphanage. A couple that just by the air they carry around, someone can know that they were important; that they had it all, and if given the chance, they would rule the world and they should not be messed with if given the chance. A couple that looked at Loki from the corner of their eyes and scrunched their nose in distaste before turning their gaze to the matron and stating to her that Loki 'Would do' an action that caused him to bristle like a wet cat, but he held his tongue when he saw the crazed look crossing over the matron's face as she ordered him to behave or else he would be deal with... That was the first time he truly felt afraid, a fear that seemed to increase as Mr. Barnes put his hand on Loki's shoulder and squeezed tightly

That day, Loki stopped being Loki, son of Odin, and he became James Buchanan Barnes…

"You think I am pathetic, don't you?" Loki didn't answer that question, just continued to gaze at the small sickly boy that was lying in bed, so pale, that he was almost invisible in the clean white sheets if it wasn't for the dark hair and the icy blue eyes that were glazed over. "But how much longer would you be able to look down on me?" Again, Loki didn't answer, he just continued to gaze at the boy… James Buchanan Barnes… who was lying on his death bed, gazing at Loki with so much anger, hate, and envy in his eyes that Loki wondered how he didn't catch in flames with so many emotions running behind the boy's eyes. "Mother told me… I am not the one who is going to die soon… you are." Loki blinked, wondering if he should laugh out loud and tell the boy, that 'He already knows!' he had known the second Mr. Barnes held his arm a little too tightly and told him that his name from now on is James, not Loki; he had known since he saw Mrs. Barnes look at him with envy and longing mixed with hate, despising him for being healthy and being everything that her son wasn't… he had known when he entered this room and saw the boy laying on the bed, the scent of sickness and death surrounding him, a boy who looked like a carbon copy if it wasn't for Loki's green eyes, and the boy's icy blue one. "When that day comes… Loki would no longer exist…" Loki hummed, giving a short nod before leaving the boy alone, ignoring his angry curses and coughs as he demanded that Loki stay in his place, and not leave him alone... Loki left, even when he knew the punishment that was waiting for him, for this type of action.

Loki knew... he knew, he knew; he knew! He knew ever since he was banished to Midgard, he knew ever since he was thrown in that godforsaken prison that was called the orphanage; he knew that this was just another role that Loki was thrust in, just another mask that he was forced to wear until his time comes, to either depart for Asgard (Which he doubted) or die on this backward realm alone!

Alone… just like he was found by Odin; alone, just like when he was raised in his home in Asgard, always being compared to Thor, and being told how weak he was, and how weird he was. Alone, just like how when he was king, where no one trusted his judgment, and where everyone went against him, even when he had their best interest in mind; alone, just like when he was banished from the only home he knew to this realm until the day he died, doomed to live his life alone, with no love, with no one to understand him, and where he was once again, the black sheep that was unwanted, while the golden child of Asgard (And the Barnes family) get all the love and praise they wished for and more.

Just like James predicted… his death brought nothing but Loki's death with him, while James Buchanan Barnes continued to live in this mortal realm as he wanted, surrounded by love, and getting everything he ever wished for… not that Loki was interested in such twisted form of love, even when he long for what everyone defines as love; a love that made a mother so crazy, that she would scream at him every time he acted wrong, and didn't do right by acting like James, only to start crying and hugging him tightly, telling him that it was his fault but he could do better. A love that made a father so twisted, that he would hit and yell when he was told by 'James' that he wanted to be called 'Loki' instead of his name.

In all of this ordeal and madness, Loki never once shed a tear, not when his body hurt from the bruises that Mr. Barnes so lovingly gave him to correct his mistakes, and not when his ear rang from Mrs. Barnes shrieks and cries as she once again told Loki 'How he was ungrateful and didn't love them even when they gave him everything!' a statement that made Loki roll his eyes, considering that the only thing he got from that crazy couple was beating and yelling that never went away until he started acting like how they imagined James to be.

Loki didn't cry, he didn't weep; he didn't hide under his bed shaking and letting his tears run down his face silently as he wished that he was back home, sitting in the library or his room reading another interesting book he found, or imagine that he was with Frigga as the two of them learned magic and create beauty with it. He didn't imagine Thor pounding toward him and hugging him tightly, only to try and drag him to spare or for hunting with the warriors, and annoy Loki until the trickster kick him out, and he definitely didn't imagine Odin with his cold persona as he once again scrunch his nose at Loki for preferring magic to combat like his golden son, telling Loki to perfect his magic if he wanted to be any better to beat someone in combat. Loki didn't cry, instead, he kept whispering (Praying? Wishing? Hoping?) Every night when everyone was asleep, for Heimdall to open the Bifrost, and every night he was met with silence where his demands were ignored, and he was once again forced to wake up the next morning, and put on his James Barnes mask and go on with his life.

He met Steve Rogers the second time he was a boy.

And once again, Loki's life had turned one-eighty, leaving him confused and disorienting, but this time… this time Loki welcomed that change… He was ten at that time, sitting in the school playground as far away from the kids as he can with a book in his lap, the school was his only escape back then, not only because he was followed by kids who wanted to be his 'Friends', or because he was the smartest of his class (Something that made Mr. and Mrs. Barnes boast about to anyone who listens) but it was because the kids actually leave him alone to enjoy his time in peace before he had to once again return back home and be forced to be the perfect James for his (Once again) adopted parents.

He met Steve when he was being picked on by the other boys for something or the other; at that time, Loki would have simply shrugged it off and gone on his way, not caring about what was taking place, and not wanting to thrust himself in trouble, that would cause another beating and scream from the Barnes family. To this day he doesn't really know what came over him and made him run over and punched the leader in the jaw, knocking him out, earning his enmity and Steve's friendship in the one blow; maybe it was Steve's scrawny appearance as he continued to stand up every time someone knocked him down, maybe it was the determinate look on his face, even when he had tears in his eyes… or maybe it was because Steve strangely reminded him of himself when he was a child back in Asgard, where he was the butt of the joke everywhere he went, and people bully him until he learned to fight them back with his tricks and sharp tongue. Loki remembered that he was rapped across the knuckles by his teacher for raising his fist to another and praised for defending Steve in the next breath.

Being friends with Steve was like an uncharted territory he was forced to trick through; on one hand, Loki didn't know how to act, or what to do, his smoothness and perfect ability to act and detect what everyone wanted from him didn't seem to work on the other boy; on the other, Steve was actually Loki's first ever best friend (As Steve proclaimed when he took Loki's hand and lead him to the swings to play with him) that he made on his own, not the ones who wanted to be his friends because he was the prince of Asgard (And later the heir to the Barnes family's fortune) or tried to be nice to him because he was Thor's little brother…. So Loki was thrust blind and deaf into a strange territory that left him terrified that he was going to mess up every second that passed.

Being Steve's friends was freedom of some sort, enabling him to be who he was, and what he wanted to be without the fear of Steve abandoning him or thinking that he was pathetic for the predicament he thrust himself into… and maybe Loki was pathetic, for trying to hold into Steve as tightly as he can so that he wouldn't leave Loki alone.

The first time Steve called him 'Bucky' Loki froze in his place, his heart pounding in his chest loudly as he turned to ask Steve what he had called him. 'Bucky' four letters, different name, and different pronunciation, but when said in a low voice and in Steve's Irish drawl, it almost sounded like his name… almost sounded like 'Loki'… his name that he didn't hear coming from anyone lips in such a long time, that Loki started to believe that he was James Barnes and that his life in Asgard was nothing but a silly fantasy he created to overcompensate for losing his parents and brother.

Bucky… Loki was too happy to become Steve's Bucky because then it meant that Steve wanted him; it meant that Steve named and bound Loki to him; it meant that he won't leave him like everyone else in his life did. Loki was too happy to be Bucky, that he discarded all the consequences that would come with such a name that sounded similar to his older one… Loki became Bucky, and Bucky became Loki, and that was it; no one was going to change that fact, not even the Barnes family who always scowl and hiss at him not to walk with a filthy commoner or to leave the street urchin alone… thoughts that may have crossed Loki's mind years ago when he was a prince from Asgard, but now, in a strange world where everyone was against him and everyone wanted to stab him in the back, Loki knew he had to reevaluate his old way of thinking, or he would be swallowed whole, once again being left alone with no one by his side.

Loki became Bucky, and Bucky became Loki; that's who he was, that's what he would be for the rest of his mortal life, and Loki… Loki made peace with that fact. He knew that Odin never wanted him, but was holding on to him as a hostage and a bargaining chip to win his war against the Jotunn should they ever dare to raise against his rule once more; Loki knew his mother and brother never cared about him… maybe they cared before knowing what he was, but they certainly didn't after discovering who he really was… Asgard was probably still celebrating the banishment of the deranged prince, and for once not even Loki was going to blame them for that, even when deep down it hurt him to the core. It all brought him to where he was, with the Barnes family who only adopted him as a substitute for their son who died from a sickness that no one was able to treat, and even they didn't want Loki, a fact that was proven time and time again.

So Loki became Bucky, and Bucky became Loki, it was as simple as that.

Being Bucky meant he was free to be who he really wanted, not caring about anyone's opinion other than his and Steve, and even then, it meant building a new character… a new persona… that doesn't suffocate him every time he decided to slip into it, instead, it was the most fun Loki had centuries, as he played tricks and went into fights with Steve by his side, stopping bullies and running through the streets laughing as the bullies screamed threats at them… being Bucky meant he was going to meet Sarah Rogers, a woman that Loki couldn't help but compare to a Valkyrie for how fierce she was, but gently and loving at the same time, taking only one look at Loki before she decided to take him under her wings and treat him like her other son, even when Loki was no doubt annoying and more troublemaker than Steve was. Being Bucky meant he had to be the responsible one between the two of them sometimes and that he had to stop Steve from doing something stupider than usual as jumping into another fight unprepared because he can't just stay still and leave the older and stronger bullies alone. But in all of that, being Bucky was fun, and Loki would admit that he loved being Bucky even more than being Loki sometimes, and he definitely loved it more than being James.

The first time Loki told Steve about him being 'Loki' and that he came from a place called Asgard; was when Loki was twelve and Steve was eleven, at that time, Loki spent most of his time in the Rogers household, instead of his own, and his adopted parents were more than happy with that development considering that the two of them just had a daughter of their own, a little girl that they named Rebecca; a girl that Loki couldn't help but wonder if she was going to get a substitute just like her real brother if something happened to her.

The first time Loki told Steve the truth, he expected to be laughed at; he expected to be called a liar and a trickster just like back home in Asgard; he expected Steve to break up their friendship and kick him out of the house, hissing that Loki was insane and that he doesn't want him to come to his house ever again. A thought that terrified Loki to the core that he couldn't sleep at night, but instead of being accused of such things, Steve had gazed at him long and hard before saying. "Do you want me to call you Bucky or Loki?" That… was the first time someone actually asked him what he wanted, instead of doing what they thought was the best. That simple, innocent question, brought tears into Loki's eyes, and he had to fight to contain the sobs that wanted to leave him.

"Bucky is good… I like, Bucky…" Loki whispered instead, his heart pounding in his chest at the gentle smile that took over Steve's face before his friend hugged him tightly, not commenting, even when Loki's tears wet his sleeping shirt… that was the first time Loki cried ever since he was banished to Midgard years ago…

After that day, Loki promised that he would stop thinking about what he lost and would start thinking about what he gained… after that day, Loki stopped whispering to Heimdall every night to open the rainbow bridge, not because he knew that no one in Asgard wants him, but because he decided that staying in Midgard is way better than being with the people who abandoned him years and years ago, even before he was banished… after that day, Loki promised himself that he would do everything he can do to insure Steve's happiness and health, no matter what it takes, and no matter who he had to stand up against to make sure of that… after that day, Loki decided to change, and embrace the changes that would take place instead of just hiding how he felt and wear a mask, hoping that he won't suffocate in the next act he would be forced to preform; he promised to really live his life without clinching to the delusion of returning to Asgard once more. Because if living on Midgard had proven to him anything, it proved to him day after day, that Asgard may be nothing but the imaginary world of a young boy who didn't know how to cope after losing his family… after that day…

Loki became Bucky and Bucky became Loki…


So what do you think?

I am really excited about this story! I have been waiting to write a Steve/Loki story for a long, long time, and finally, it is here!

This story started writing itself because of me watching CA: TWS and noticed how Loki and Bucky sounds similar when Steve said it ^-^v

And yes, Loki is Bucky in this fic, and as for where this fic is heading… it is still unknown…

Read and Review

And tell me what you think…

Nazaki-Sama