BtVS || Spuffy || BtVS || Spuffy || Keeping Up With the Scoobies || Spuffy || BtVS || Spuffy || BtVS

Title: Keeping Up With the Scoobies – The Long Way Home

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Disclaimer: All rights reserved to Joss Whedon. This fanfiction on the other hand is entirely mine. No money is made with this, though reviews are more than welcomed.

Tags: m/f, f/f, hurt/comfort, survivor's guilt, fluff, found family

Main Pairing: Spike/Buffy

Side Pairings: Tara/Willow, Xander/Renee, Robin/Faith, Connor/Dawn, Dowling/Dylan, Angel/Cordelia, Oz/Bay, Buffy/Satsu (briefly), Willow/Kennedy (briefly)

Buffy Characters: William 'Spike' Pratt, Buffy Summers, Dawn Summers, Rupert Giles, Willow Rosenberg, Alexander 'Xander' Harris, Andrew Wells, Tara Maclay, Renee, Faith Lehane, Robin Wood, Robert Dowling, Dylan Turner, Satsu, Kennedy, Daniel 'Oz' Osbourne, Bayarmaa 'Bay'

Angel Characters: Angel, Cordelia Chase, Connor Angel, Harmony Kendall, Winifred 'Fred' Burkle, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, Charles Gunn

Summary: Buffy shared her powers with all potential Slayers. But that was only the beginning. Now, she has to deal with all the new Slayers, with the aftermath of LA going to hell – and coming back. The world knows about the supernatural, there's no going back.

Keeping Up With the Scoobies

The Long Way Home

3. The 'B' in 'Buffy' Stands for Bisexual

Xander had left, to lead his own squad. They had all agreed on this. Didn't mean that Buffy didn't feel awful. He'd gone to Scotland, he would be training the young Slayers there until they would be ready to go out and also ready to train other Slayers themselves. The endgame was that the Scoobies would be able to reunite and for that, they all had to put the work in.

Giles had also left, though not permanently. England was going to be his home-base, this was quite literally his home, after all. But he was now the head of the watcher council. He was on a grand tour, visiting all the squads, checking in, debriefing in person with the watchers. They could do it through video-calls, but this was more to ensure the watchers knew they were being watched too.

Willow was off gathering her witches. She was going to bring them back to England to teach them, so she would be back soon, but it still felt strange to Buffy to be all alone here. Well, 'alone' was a stretch. There were three dozen Slayers staying at the manor right now, under her supervision.

Buffy was not going to leave England, not until Dawn would be graduating high school. Her sister needed some consistency in her life. Stability. Her old school had crumbled to ashes, so had her home-town. They had signed Dawn up at a high school and she had just started to settle in, even make some friends. She was also friends with some of the younger Slayers who got signed up for school too. There was no need to rip her out of here to move her with Buffy and there was no way that Buffy would leave without Dawn. So for now, here was where Buffy would be staying.

"How's life as a teacher?"

"Well, we are finding out that this is not the ideal career choice for me," Buffy chuckled.

How had regular phone-calls with Cordelia Chase become a part of her life? But Spike still refused to see her. And she couldn't blame him. To call their history complicated was the understatement of the century. During that complicated history, Spike had always been whatever Buffy needed. So if he needed time and space right now, she was going to respect that. Didn't mean she didn't worry though, so she kept getting updates from Cordelia.

"I met your new guy, you know," Cordelia's voice dropped into a pleased whisper. "Eye-candy."

Buffy chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Thank you again for helping Robin get a place. Thank you for... all your help. We wouldn't have been able to finance this without you."

"Well, what good is inheriting a demon law firm with ridiculously much money and too many resources, if not to finance the Slayer Initiative?" Cordelia joked, though she sounded sincere.

"Not that. We might not have a name yet, but the word 'Initiative' has a very foul taste."

"Right. Weird military cult thingy. I heard about that. It's on my list of 'thank god I left Sunnydale'."

"That must be a long list," Buffy sighed, leaning her head back.

"Oh yes, it is. The latest addition was 'Spike blew it up so now it's gone'. Which, by the way, he mentions like once a day. He is really not missing any opportunity to rub it under Angel's nose."

Buffy grunted a little, the smallest smile on her lips at the thought of Spike just driving Angel completely insane. Must have been even more fun when Spike was intangible. The smile faded as she thought about how Spike had his body back, but still didn't want to see her.

"Tell him that his time is limited," Buffy bit her lip. "I understand if he needs space, after... But if he's just avoiding me because he's a coward, I will fly over."

"I assure you, he knows. But I really do think he's got some... things to sort out for himself before he can face you again. It's been a lot for him and he wants to find out what happened to himself first."

Being a ghost, being bound to the perimeters. Buffy understood that he wanted to get to the bottom of that first. But she also offered her help – and Willow's help. Stubborn bastard wanted to figure it out himself. Buffy sighed, running her fingers through her hair.

"Is it bad that I'm both mad and relieved...?" Buffy frowned, curling her fingers into her hair.

"It's not. You've been through a lot too, Buffy. You want to see him again, but you also don't know what to say to him when you do because you never expected to see him again."

When had Cordelia Chase become so insightful? Los Angeles really had made her grow as a person. And she was right. Buffy thought she'd never see him again and how did one reunite after that? She had told him that she loved him and she thought she did, but she also knew he hadn't believed her. She was also still dealing with her own survivor's guilt. And the new Slayers kept her busy too.

"He's good, Buffy," Cordelia's voice was soft. "He's actually befriended Fred, which I did not see coming. I kinda like him too, which might just drive Angel over the edge. Jealous bastard. He's safe here. He's doing good work here. You two are going to reunite when you're both ready."

"Thanks, Cordelia," Buffy smiled faintly. "Talk to you again next week."

The call disconnected and she pocketed her phone. With a heavy sigh did she run both hands through her hair. Her eyes looked out into the garden, where the young Slayers were doing yoga under instructions from one of their own. Satsu. She was good. Talented. A bit of a mess, but so had Buffy been. But Satsu was a good team-player, she had already made friends, took charge.

/break\

"Faith."

Faith frowned annoyed and turned to look at the librarian who had broken into her apartment. She was currently crashing at a crappy little place, but it didn't matter much. She never stayed anywhere for long. For the past weeks, she'd been traveling around, checking in on the newbies from a distance. Not actually checking in, with hugs and cookies and helpful advise. Though she didn't want the responsibility, the expectations, she also couldn't help but feel responsible in a way. They were young Slayers with barely any guidance and she'd been there herself once.

"Don't you have enough new Slayers to take care of?" Faith rolled her eyes.

Giles paused cleaning his glasses, though he didn't look up at her. "I do owe you an apology."

"Me? Well, that'd be a first," Faith snorted and then went into her kitchen.

"It's long overdue," Giles looked up now, sincerity in his eyes. "You were a lost girl and I... played favorites. If I had paid more attention to you and given you the guidance you needed..."

"Yeah, well, if dragons were real I'd fly into battle. There's no point in what ifs about things that can't be changed," Faith shrugged, hands in her pockets. "You tried that spiel with B?"

"Excuse me?" Giles furrowed his brows at her.

"You know, bout that whole... stint, where we unanimously voted her out of her own house."

She'd tried it, back then. Tried apologizing. Buffy didn't want the apology. She just wanted to soldier on. It was one of those moments where Faith admired her, not that she'd ever admit it aloud.

"I... did, before I left," Giles averted his eyes, the look on his face hard to read. "She said we've all made mistakes. And that we all move on from them. She has... matured considerably."

Faith snorted softly to herself. Sure, matured. More like just being tired of this bs. It had been a dick move and if Faith was honest, she hadn't really expected it to escalate in the way it had. Though she gathered, what Giles said was true too. If there was one uniting quality to the so-called Scoobies, it was to fuck up and then move on from it. Kind of felt like either betraying them or nearly starting the apocalypse was like a requirement for entry. Hell knew Faith had done both and was still here.

"So what, you came all this way to say sorry about shit that happened years ago?"

"No. I come to you because you were once a Slayer who'd lost her way and I think you can help me. I in fact think you are the only one fit to help me," Giles put his glasses on again and offered her a piercing glance. "There are so many Slayers out there and not all want to be trained. I want to look out for the ones who don't. Make sure they're not a danger to themselves or others."

Faith raised her eyebrows in surprise. Well, that was basically what she had already been doing. But teaming up with Giles, of all people? She winced, resting a hand on her stomach before bolting out of the room and throwing up in the bathroom. In the background, Giles made a concerned noise.

"Are you... quite alright, Faith?" Giles called out, while filling a glass with water for her.

"Peachy, G. Guess that left-over Chinese I found in the fridge wasn't good anymore."

Giles raised an eyebrow at her, though she ignored him and simply took the glass of water from him. Okay, maybe it might be nice to not go about it all on her own. She blamed B for that, really. The past couple months of living at the Summers residence with all those Scoobies and newbies...

"We can do one. If you step on my toes, we part ways again," warned Faith.

"Fair enough," Giles hummed and got a file out. "Let's get to work then."

/break\

Buffy grew closer to Satsu. Some of the others too. It was hard not to befriend the Slayers she was teaching. She'd never worked with someone whom she didn't consider a friend. But this thing with Satsu was different. It was more than just friendship. She liked Satsu alright, it wasn't some grand love, most definitely not, but... it was this feeling of being wanted. And she craved it.

Angel had left and found his own life and found true love with Cordelia and meeting him again had been weird ever since he left for Los Angeles, because before that, there had been this magnetic pull between them. Now, they fought more often than they agreed when they met.

Riley had preferred to get fed on by vampires instead of being with her. And within like a year of being gone, Riley found someone else and even got married, so easily moving on from Buffy.

Spike had... he had gone and gotten his soul back, for her. And returned to Sunnydale, he kept coming back even when Buffy pushed him away and just when they got so close, when she dared say 'I love you', he died and came back as a ghost and refused to see her. And she couldn't even be mad about it, she understood needing time, she understood how awkward this situation was, she even understood him prioritizing the truth over seeing her right now. She understood all of that.

But it didn't help her much with feeling unwanted. A feeling she hadn't been able to shake for a while now. As much as she loved her family, as much as she knew that what had been said that night had been a culmination of tension and failure on all parts, words said in the heat of the moment, it didn't change how they had, as a united front, turned on her and left her alone. Whatever she went through, she always had that feeling of having them. Not that night.

They had apologized. All in their own ways. Buffy had accepted them to varying degrees. She knew they meant it. There was nothing there that she could hold against them. All of them had made mistakes in the past, Buffy herself included. Instead of seeking help, she tended to be self-destructive in a manner that hurt others too – when she had first run away, when she had started hooking up with Spike in secret, hurting him and also hurting the others. Logically, she knew she should have sought help, psychological help. Something she fixed this time around.

It had been a coincident, really. When picking up one of the new Slayers and explaining the situation to the parent. The girl was local, the mom was curious. She was also a psychiatrist and while Buffy had explained the situation to her, the woman had picked up on Buffy's burden. She had discreetly passed on her card and suggested that while Buffy helped everyone, she might need someone who could help her. The first few sessions had been awkward, but Doctor Jackson knew how to start her talking, asking about the magic world and through talking about that, they inevitably landed on one trauma or another. Buffy had plenty of those to offer.

Right now, they were working through Buffy's abandonment issues. For some reason, Buffy had never really... seen it. She was always surrounded by people, why would she feel abandoned? But actually putting it to words, talking it through with someone, made her see it.

Her father had just abandoned her. After the divorce, he came to visit a few times, but those times became fewer and with more and more time between them, until they ultimately stopped. Not even when Joyce had died, he just never came back. Not even now that Sunnydale was gone, the thought of inviting Buffy and Dawn to come stay with him until they're back on their feet didn't even cross the man's mind. He phoned it in, at the best of times. And not at all anymore.

Her mom had died. That hadn't been her fault, but... Joyce had still left her, forever. Not a day passed that Buffy didn't wish her to be back, to help Buffy through this.

Angel had just turned his back and left too, started his own whole new life in Los Angeles. He had been there since the day Buffy started being the Slayer in Sunnydale and he had helped her so much in the beginning, for a while she even thought he was something like her soulmate. And then he left.

Cordelia and Buffy hadn't exactly been besties, but Cordelia too had left. She'd been one of them, she had been a Scooby. And then she left and moved on. That was good; Buffy wasn't angry or upset that Angel and Cordelia had moved on – with each other, at that. She wanted everyone she cared about to be happy. Yet still, they had found that happiness away from her.

Oz also left, moved on and found happiness somewhere else. So had Riley – with Buffy, he was so miserable, he got addicted to vampire feedings, but the second he got away from her, he had found happiness with someone else, somewhere else. Tara had... died, too. So had Anya now.

And then that one night, where everyone turned their backs on her and it had scared her, because she knew how easy it was to abandon her, she knew how easy it was to be happy somewhere else, away from her. This current situation only made that fear worse, because they were gone, out there, leading their own squads. What if they were happy doing that, away from her? What if there would never be Scoobies again, because everyone realized they could be happier without her?

What if Spike chose to never seek her out and confront whatever they had, because they had hurt each other so much in the past? What if that damage was irreparable? What if he was much happier in Los Angeles than he'd been in Sunnydale? She knew the Scoobies had always been hostile toward Spike, there was no love lost between Spike and Giles or Xander. With Team Angel though, he seemed to be making friends. Getting along with Cordelia and Fred. What if he stayed there?

Needless to say, despite seeking help, she was currently spiraling through her problems. Because there were just too many. Aside from the abandonment issues, she also had her PTSD and the newly acquired survivor's guilt that she was struggling with. She felt lost, not just in her trauma, but also in this world. All she had known was being the Chosen One, carrying that burden alone, sharing it with at max one other Slayer. Now, there were hundreds of Slayers out there. And instead of fighting and dying, she was now supposed to lead and survive. It was a lot.

In the middle of all of this, there was Satsu. Satsu, who just so clearly had a crush on her, because she looked at Buffy like Buffy had hung the sun, moon and stars personally. Like she was Satsu's personal hero, but also so much more. There was lust, desire. She wanted Buffy. And when Buffy felt like she was losing her place in this world and felt like she was losing the people she loved, it felt so overwhelmingly good to be wanted by someone. To be desired. Not to mention, it had been quite a while since she last had sex. The last fight had been an outright war, she had all these kids living in her house, no privacy and what she and Spike had had been too... delicate to break it with careless sex. So many things factored in together that led to her and Satsu falling into bed together.

The problem was the morning after. Not just because of the 'oh crap, I slept with a Slayer I live with and have to teach every day' moment, or the 'oh crap, I slept with a woman' moment, but also because of the startled, redheaded witch standing at the foot of Buffy's bed.

"Good morning," greeted Willow, blinking slowly. "I... uh... bring waffles from Paris. I thought we could have breakfast together and catch up, but I see I... didn't bring enough waffles. And we will definitely need more time to catch up."

Buffy groaned and rolled over to bury her face in her pillow and then groan a little louder. Satsu awkwardly sat up and wrapped the sheets tighter around herself, wishing she was invisible.

"Hello, Miss Rosenberg," greeted Satsu tentatively.

"Don't do that," Buffy groaned again. "Makes me feel old if you address her like that. That's Willow. Willow, Satsu. Now, how do I make this moment end?"

Willow chuckled and got one waffle out of the bag, handing it to Satsu. "Here. Maybe... leave through the window. Because Slayers are waking up left and right and I doubt you want to be the number one topic to talk about for the rest of the week, mh?"

Satsu flushed embarrassed, but she accepted the waffle and, after Willow respectfully turned away, got dressed. She threw one last, torn glance over at Buffy, before climbing out of the window. Only after Satsu was gone did Buffy peek out and look at Willow. Coward's move. But she had saved the world often enough to earn herself one or two acts of cowardice. Willow sat down on the bed.

"So... that's new, right? I mean. I wasn't so wrapped up in myself that I missed your coming out, right? Because that would make me both a bad lesbian and a bad friend."

"No... This is... This is new..." Buffy slowly sat up, ruffling her hair. "But I'm not... you know..."

"A lesbian?" Willow raised her eyebrows and offered Buffy a waffle. "I know that."

"I just. You know. I mean, I don't know. I've never... Am I a lesbian now?" Buffy frowned.

Willow smiled at her in a patient, warm way. "I can't look into your heart and sometimes, people lie – not just to others, but also to themselves – very convincingly. But, when you look back at Angel and Spike, how do you feel about that now? Do you now think 'no, that was nothing. Not compared to her', because she makes you feel like no one else ever has?"

Now it was Buffy's turn to raise her eyebrows. "No. I know I was deeply, madly in love with Angel. I know I'm... I know what I feel about Spike. I like Satsu, but I'm not head over heels for her, but I definitely am attracted to her and... but... that can't just happen out of the blue? I'm old."

Willow laughed softly. "First of all, you're not old. And it... didn't just happen. Whatever you and Faith had going on, even back in high school, that wasn't just a rivalry. That was sexual tension that could be cut with a butter knife. Same goes for Cordelia, honestly. You've been exchanging longing glances with girls for many years now, Buff. Even if you weren't ready to act on them."

"...I was?" Buffy frowned, a screwed-up expression of confusion. "But then what..."

"Just let me throw this out there: You might be bisexual," Willow took a bite from a waffle. "You don't have to be either heterosexual or homosexual. You can like men and women."

Nodding slowly, Buffy started picking on her own waffle. "Was... Was that how it was for you? What you said before? I think we never really... talked about it. Not really."

"It... It was. Growing up, Xander was just... the right choice? What media and society taught me the right choice would be? The girl and boy who were best friends since diapers. Every second rom com will tell you they are meant to be. So when girls started having crushes, I figured that I should feel that way for him. And I did feel strongly for him, he was my best friend. No one taught me the difference, I didn't know, I just... assumed that was it. That must be love.

"And then Oz came along and... he was the first person to be interested in me, Buff. The first. That alone was so exciting and flattering! And he was such a kind, sweet, considerate guy. Everything a gal could want, right? I wanted to want him. But I... knew something was off, that's why I... why I did what I did with Xander. I thought maybe I had been wrong. Maybe Oz was just a distraction. Maybe the childhood sweethearts were meant to be. And maybe I was also actively trying to sabotage what I had with Oz, because it wasn't right," Willow paused, offering Buffy a strained smile. "Sunnydale was a small town. I've never met a single gay person before. And then college and Tara – not just Tara as my Tara, but as a concept. A gay person. Other gay people. I had that 'oh' moment. That 'Oh, that is an option?' and 'Oh, that is what it's supposed to feel like'."

Buffy smiled to herself, arms crossed on top of her knees as she looked at Willow. This was good to know. She had wondered, sometimes, but never dared to ask, thinking it wasn't appropriate or dumb to ask. But Will was right. Buffy hadn't had that second kind of oh moment. She still liked guys too.


Author's note: Impossibly self-indulgent chapter. I just can not express with words how much I hated that the comics DID make Buffy hook up with a girl but then COMPLETELY dismissed it. I'm sorry, but 1. it is such a cringey creepy straight men fantasy to have a straight woman sleep with a lesbian MULTIPLE TIMES but #NoHomo it at the end because she really is Just Super Straight, 2. I HATED how completely dismissive Willow, of all characters, was about even the possibility of Buffy being queer, 3. Buffy Summers, as a character, has literally always been queercoded already and this would have been the perfect opportunity to make her canonically queer. So here, have Willow, the lesbian who also had a late-ish coming out, be an actual helpful and supportive friend! This has been my bi!Buffy agenda, thanks for tuning in.

Next time, we're going to visit Los Angeles and check in with Spike and how season 5 of AtS would have gone if Cordelia had been there to be a voice of reason (hint: I GET TO KEEP FRED because I LOVE FRED)