They decide it's best if she's the one to tell her. Or, Castle thinks it's best if she's the one to tell. His reasoning was that it would be wrong for it to come from him, might make her look like the bad guy for not telling her. They discussed whether he should be there too or not and couldn't really decide which or when. What they did decide about that fact was that they should wait a few more days. Decided it was best to tell her the next day Kate was off work so they at least had time to deal with whatever happened.

Conveniently the next day she's off is the same Sunday, which unfortunately is only two days later. She told him they couldn't talk about it at work, because if her coworkers found out before their daughter did, she would definitely be angry, more angry than Kate is already expecting her to be. Which is probably why Castle keeps glancing at her, opening his mouth only to close it again and look back at either his phone or the paper in his lap.

"Castle?" she breathes out in question and he looks at her even though she's not looking at him. Her eyes focused on the cold case file in front of her.

"Nothing," he says back before he seems to focus back on reading the report she'd given him from the canvassing.

She bites her lower lip and looks towards her brothers' desks. Maybe they wouldn't notice if they went to the break room to make some coffees, and talk.

"Coffee?" she asks him and he looks up at her with relieved eyes.

"Yes, please," he says and puts down the report.

As she stands up and her brothers look at her she smiles at them. "Do you want coffee?"

"Yes, please," Ryan says and Esposito nods too, both stretching their arms in their seats.

Castle stands up to help her and they both set their feet towards the break room. As soon as they're inside Kate looks around them to make sure no one is within ear range.

"What's on your mind?" Kate asks when the coast is clear and he starts fiddling with the espresso machine he got them not that many weeks ago.

"I just…" he sighs. "I just keep thinking about all those years."

Kate gulps. This is it, she thinks, this is when he's going to be furious with me.

"I'm sorry," she only whispers, doesn't dare say anything louder.

"I know, and I know why you didn't tell me, it was too much. Yet… I do wish I would've been there for you," he keeps his eyes on the machine in front of him. "I wish I didn't give up on you. I wish I would've actually knocked one of those times I stood in front of your door. I wish… so many things."

She feels her eyes widen as she looks at him. "You came to my door?"

He nods, still n0t looking at her. "I must've gone there at least ten times, probably more, those first weeks. Every time I swore it would be the last time but then, the week after, I was there again, gathering courage to knock. But I never did. Some part of me wondered if you'd found someone else who could take away your pain. Some part of me wondered if you still lived there. Some part of me just wanted to forget everything because it hurt so much knowing you were hurting when I couldn't even hold you anymore. And now, knowing what I know now, I can't believe you went through all that all alone. I mean, your dad was… when did you get him to stop?" he suddenly asks and looks at her with frightened eyes.

It's a lot to take in, everything he's saying, everything he's admitting. But she takes a deep breath and concentrates on answering his question. "When I found out," she looks around them once again, "and had decided I was going to keep her I told him. And when he continued drinking I gave him an ultimatum. Either he stopped, or I had to do it all alone because I wasn't going to worry about him every night as I put my child to sleep."

"That helped?" he asks and she smiles as she starts fiddling with her father's watch.

"His love for me and his unborn grandchild was far bigger than the need to drown his wife's death. He's told me that every time he was feeling the urge he'd imagine my mom scolding him for risking not being in my life," she tells him the truth. "Sure, he was tempted, and he failed a couple times, but the look in his eyes every time he told me he'd made a mistake made me believe it was going to get better. He went to AA-meetings and after a while there were not as many mistakes anymore."

"I gotta thank him next time I meet him," Castle states and Kate gives him a questioning look. "If he hadn't been there I don't know how I could ever forgive myself for not pushing harder."

She shakes her head. "No, Castle. Nothing would've worked with me, I was determined not to let you in, determined not to hurt like I did when my mom died. In the beginning I wasn't even letting myself enjoy the fact that there was a small life creating inside of me. It wasn't until I held her in my arms that I realized I wasn't going to keep her at an arm's length because I loved her too much."

"Does that mean you didn't love me enough?" he suddenly asks and she feels her eyes widen at his conclusion.

"What? No! I…" she feels herself break. "I knew I loved you too much, I knew that if something happened to you or you decided you didn't love me anymore I would… I wouldn't survive. I thought that if I stayed away from you on my terms I wouldn't hurt as much. I thought… I thought you'd be better off without me and I without you. When I realized I was wrong it was already too late," she feels her eyes match her breaking voice, a few tears escaping as she tries to dry them as quickly as they escape.

"So, you thought pushing me away would be what was best for us?" he says, but it's more of a question than a statement.

"Yes," she answers, plain and simple. Nothing simple about the whole situation, but it's in the past.

He hums and continues to make the two coffees for Esposito and Ryan. She observes him as he concentrates on the espresso machine. She wishes she'd done differently. But it's in the past and there's nothing she can do about it. And she completely understands if he's angry and won't forgive her for all the years she's robbed him of. She takes a few deep breaths, wipes underneath her eyes and tries to mentally prepare herself for going back into the bullpen where her coworkers could see her.

"Yo guys!" Esposito's shout had her body jerk with surprise and she turned around to see his eyes narrow on her. "We've got a new case, Hunts Point Riverside Park, you coming?"

She nods. "Yes, we're coming."

"But the coffee?" Castle says and Kate gives him a look. "To-go it is." He takes out the paper cups and pours over the coffees as quickly as he can while she's going to get her keys and anything else she could need at the crime scene.

Castle meets them at the elevators and hands out the coffees. When he's given the guys their coffees he turns to her again and hands her a cup along with a small smile. She figures his head is still rumbling around with questions and thoughts and opinions about it all. But it will have to wait.

She's surprised he's not trying to catch more moments with her during the day, which only gives her more time to think about her actions all those years ago along with her actions now. Maybe she should've come clean that first day after the interrogation, especially considering he recognized her. Her mind is also circling with thoughts about her… their daughter and how she's going to take it all. Kate's not sure she's going to do a good job at telling her. How is she supposed to tell her?

It haunts her the whole day, and so when she's off to go get her from her father she hasn't even considered the situation that appears.

"Dad! Peanut! I'm here!" she calls out when she opens the door.

"In here, honey!" her dad calls out and she follows his voice towards the living room.

"Sorry, I'm late, we caught a new case."

When she steps around the corner she stops in her tracks.

"Mom, why didn't you tell me Rick was your boyfriend?" Lily asks with furrowed eyes as she and her grandpa are looking at a picture of Rick and her kissing.

Kate feels stuck. Her jaw is slightly opened in shock and her eyes are widened at the image before her. She thought he'd tossed that picture when she asked him to.

"You didn't tell me Rick was back in your lives," her dad says accusingly and she looks between him and her daughter.

"I-," she stutters, doesn't know what to say because she can't tell him right now when her daughter is sitting right next to him!

"And you've let him meet Lily, that's great," her dad says which results in a confused look from the girl. Oh shit.

"We needed him at the precinct to help with a couple cases, and when Lily was caught with the flu he offered to be company if we wanted some," Kate quickly says and her dad looks a different type of happy. "Time to go home, peanut. It's bedtime."

Lily looks at her with disbelief. "It's Friday."

Kate bites her inner cheek.

"Well, I'm not going to bed any time soon," her dad says and, oh, how she wishes she could give him a look right now.

"We can look at more pictures," Lily says and turns the album page to reveal more pictures of her and Rick doing different kinds of things. A few of them were pictures from when they were supposed to go to a ball but decided they were too cool and dressed to go to a poetry slam instead. Her mom had not been pleased about not getting to take pictures of her in a ballgown and him in a suit so she had decided to terrorize them with pictures anyway. "What are they doing here?" Lily asks.

"Oh," Jim chuckles. "Your mom and Rick went to a poetry slam instead of the ball and your grandma wouldn't have it. She told them to dress up in some way because she was going to take pictures and she wouldn't take no for an answer."

"Dad, let's not… can I talk to you? In the kitchen?" Kate says and her dad nods.

"I'll be right back to talk about the time when your mom and Rick almost got arrested when they climbed onto the roof of a billionaire's house," he says to Lily before he stands up from the couch.

"What?!" her daughter exclaims and Kate puts her hand over her face. "You got arrested?!"

"Just almost, peanut," her grandpa reminds her.

As soon as he's within arm's length she's grabbing his arm and pulling him with her into the kitchen, glancing back to make sure her daughter's still observing the pictures.

"Dad, what the hell?!" she hisses as soon as they're out of earshot.

"What?" he says but she can see a glimpse of mischief in his eyes.

"She doesn't know yet," she whispers, horrified he's set things in motion without her permission.

"Yet? Does that mean you're going to tell her?" her dad says hopefully.

"I-," she starts but then his eyes widen and a smile appears on his lips.

"Does that mean you told him?" he says excitedly and Kate feels herself mirroring the smile.

"Yes, I did, yesterday," she tells him.

"W0w, that must've been… hard, how did he take it? I mean, it must've been good or you wouldn't be… never mind," he starts saying but stops himself.

"Happy? Relieved?" she finishes for him. "He took it better than I had ever imagined. He says he understands, but…" she sighs as she looks down. "I'm not sure for how long, I feel like he's going to realize how much he missed and hate me for it, even if he understands."

"Oh, Katie, he could never hate you," her dad says as he's pulling her in for a hug. "Not if he still feels the way he felt when you were together."

"Dad, stop, he doesn't. I'm sure he's moved on," she says as she takes a calming breath. "I will tell her, soon, so please, don't give her any ideas before I can."

"Okay, I won't. But I'm pretty sure he does, the way you two looked at each other back then, those feelings don't just go away," he states and pulls away slightly to look at her and she feels her cheeks heat up. "It hasn't for you," he adds and nods to her.

"Wh-," she starts but is interrupted by her daughter's voice.

"What hasn't for you?" she asks as she comes into the kitchen.

"Nothing," Kate says way too quickly as she looks between her dad and her daughter. "You ready to go home?" she asks before any of them can say anything else.

"Yeah, I'm ready," she says and there's something in her eyes that alerts something in Kate, but she's not so sure about what.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow too," Jim says as he walks over to hug his granddaughter.

"Yeah, can you show me more of mom's pictures?" she asks excitedly and Kate bites her lower lip.

"Oh, I'm sure we can find something," he says with a chuckle.

"Dad," Kate says with a warning and her daughter snickers.

"I promise nothing too embarrassing," he says and Kate groans which evokes a laugh from her daughter.

When he walks them to the door Kate can feel his hand on her back in a supporting manner and when they hug goodbye he whispers in her ear.

"It's going to be okay, Katie." But she can't hope too much.


A/N: So, was reminded it was Sunday (thank youuuu!) and so here's yet another chapter. Hope you're enjoying the story still. And to those continuing to write awful reviews because of how Kate's reacted etc just stop reading. I'm not forcing anyone to read so just stop reading if this isn't your cup of tea.

To those of you who always keep your reviews written in a positive tone: I love you guys! Thanks for keeping my hopes up and inspiring me to continue write. Until next time, xxxx