"Kate? What can I do?" he asks as he stands by her bed and she continues to hug her pillow, turning away from him.
"Just leave," she whispers.
"I could…" he starts but she snaps.
"Just go! Leave! I don't want you here," she yells out.
He's quiet for a while but she can hear he's still there and she clenches her eyes shut.
"Okay," he says. "Call me if you need me, or text."
She stays quiet and hears him let out a hopeless sigh and leaves. When she hears the door close she's sobbing again. She thought she didn't have any tears left, turns out she did. She didn't really want him to leave, she didn't want him to go, but she didn't want him to see her like this. And she has to figure out what's…
Her mom is gone. Her dad says he's fine but she's seen the drinks. So has Rick. Which is probably why he's almost always around. It has to stop. She can't take having him here all the time. A part of her thinks that if he's seeing her like this, he'll leave her. Or he'll just stay out of pity, and she doesn't want that. None of those. If he leaves her, she'll die. It already hurts so much with her mom being gone. Murdered. She can't take another hit. Maybe it would be best if he just stays away.
She's surprised he's stayed this long. She's been nothing but mean to him, always asking him to leave, always angry, always pushing him away. It would be better if he just…
She sighs. "Why, mom? Why?"
"Mom?" Lily says in askance and Kate looks to her daughter crawling into her bed.
"Yes, sweetie?"
"My dad's storybook, did he ever try to publish any stories?" she asks and avoids her mom's eyes.
Kate's not so sure how to answer that, not without telling her.
"Why are you asking that?" she questions instead and her daughter looks guilty.
"I-," she says and then pulls out something from under her pillow.
It's a small book, when she's laying it on the bed and gets out of bed in order to go to the pants she had today she pulls out what at first looks like a piece of folded paper.
When she gets back into bed she picks up the book, opens up a page in the middle of it to reveal her handwriting along with some symbols.
"Can I…?" Kate asks as she gestures to the bed beside her daughter.
She hums as she's nodding her head and Kate doesn't hesitate to sit down beside her. Lily's book contains words like stories, goofy, breaking rules, mischievous. And then there were words like Jobs: teacher, circus, WRITER?
Kate feels herself being in a small shock.
"Mom, does he have brown hair, like us?" she asks and when Kate just bites her lower lip and nods the girl unfolds the paper. It's a photo. "Is he my dad?"
"Rick," she says in a warning tone and he just smirks at her. "This is not legal."
"And who's gonna tell on us? Not me, will you?" he says as he takes her hand and helps her climb up.
"God no, my parents would kill me," Kate says as she follows him even further up onto the roof.
He chuckles at that and gestures to the view in front of them. She looks at the lights all over the city in amazement, he's right. The city that never sleeps does look magical in the evening with all the lights, especially with all the neon lights.
"See, I told you it was worth it," he says as he comes up behind her, putting his arms around her.
"Yeah, as long as no one finds us," she reminds him and he chuckles before he pecks her cheek.
"Hey, look here," he says and when she turns around he's holding up a camera, taking a picture of the two of them with the city as their background."
"Rick! What are you doing?" she hisses and he looks at the picture.
"Look," he says and shows her the photo.
They look happy, and the lights behind them are beautiful.
"I hate you," she says and he chuckles as he pulls her closer to him.
"I love you too," he says as he leans down and kisses her lips in that sweet way that always weakens her knees.
Kate looks at the photograph. Then she looks at her daughter who's looking at the picture too.
"Yes," she whispers and feels her daughter's eyes snap to her.
"What?" Lily exclaims with shock in her voice.
Kate takes a deep breath and clenches her eyes shut. "We were together when your grandma died, and soon thereafter I broke up with him. After a few more weeks I found out I was pregnant with you. I didn't tell him, he was just starting his career as a writer and I-I was afraid he'd hate me."
"He's my dad?" she asks again and Kate nods, meeting her daughter's eyes.
"Yes, your dad is Rick Castle," Kate says.
It's quiet for a while. Kate is positive she can see the wheels turning in her daughter's head and is determined not to interrupt her thoughts. She's surprised she isn't angry with her yet, surprised she's quiet.
"Will you tell him?" she suddenly asks and Kate feels her cheeks get warm.
"I already did, Lil," Kate admits and looks at her daughter. "I didn't want to tell you and get your hopes up without him knowing. But he knows, and he wants you to know."
The girl hums and then turns quiet again.
"Peanut," Kate says and the girl hums but continues to stare at the picture in her hands. "What… how did you know?"
She looks up at her and smiles. "Grandpa slipped up. When I asked him if he remembered Rick he immediately asked if I meant your old boyfriend and when I said you only said he was a friend grandpa went quiet. That is until I asked if he had pictures of you two because I wanted to see if it was the same Rick."
"You're too sneaky for your own good," Kate says with a shake of her head.
"Learnt from the best," her daughter says and smirks as Kate bumps her shoulder with her daughter's.
"You should get to bed, and I should too," Kate leans closer to kiss her daughter's head.
"Can we have dinner tomorrow?" Lily asks as she's looking at her with those big hazel eyes.
Kate wrinkles her forehead. "What do you mean?"
"With… dad?"
Kate feels her heart skip a beat at the weird mention of her father, it was as if she was testing the word out, to see if it fit in her mouth.
"I'll ask him, but I think he'll love to," Kate tells her and kisses her forehead. "Night, peanut."
"Night mom," the girl says as she's crawling down and pulls her covers over her.
Kate picks up the book and the photograph but instead of taking them with her she's putting them on her daughter's desk. Then she moves towards her own bedroom, picks up her phone and with a bite to her lower lip she sends him a text. Then she goes to brush her teeth and when she's just spitting her phone starts vibrating.
"Hi," she answers and she can hear his small panic on the other end.
"Did something happen? I can be there in ten minutes if you need…"
"Woah, slow down cowboy. Nothing has happened that requires you to get here," she says, a small tease from back in the old days.
"Then why would you ask me if I could call you immediately if I was still awake?" he questions and she bites her lip again.
"I didn't write immediately, but it is important," she says and she can hear his breathing stop. "I-she knows, she specifically asked if it was you so I had to tell her."
"Really? How?" he asks and she takes a deep breath.
"My dad screwed up, gave her clues without knowing," she tells him. "And I guess having our genetics it was a matter of time."
He chuckles at that before she can hear him turn serious again. "How'd she take it?"
"Good, I think," she says. "I think we'll notice tomorrow, when she's been able to sleep on it. She asked if you would join us for dinner tomorrow, and she…" Once again her cheeks heat up, maybe she shouldn't mention her calling him dad. He should hear it himself.
"She wants me to come over for dinner tomorrow?" he asks and she nods before realizing he can't see her.
"Yes, I guess she's going to want to see what it's like to have a family dinner with both parents," she says and he turns quiet all of a sudden, as if he stopped moving around. "What?" she asks after a few quiet seconds. He's never one to be quiet.
"You called us a family," he whispers and she thinks back on her words. Yeah, she did. And it didn't kill her.
"Well, I mean, yeah," she starts to think more about it.
They're quiet for a few minutes, thinking about the meaning behind it all. Biologically they are indeed a family, though, question remains how this is supposed to be played out. It's not like they can just get together again, and the main reason she's telling him about their daughter is because it isn't fair to him nor their daughter not knowing the truth. Although she knows deep down her father's right about one thing, and she's not so sure how long she'll be able to keep it to herself. And what if he feels the same way, if they don't work out again it'll just leave their daughter being stuck in between the two of them and that's something she's not willing to put her through. So it'll probably be best if they just… try to find back their footing as friends.
"Hey, Kate?" he suddenly says and she hums. "Have you really kept reading my books all this time?"
Kate feels herself blushing at the memory of being first in line when she found out he was releasing his first book. She remembers how she was so afraid he'd be there and recognize her.
"Yes," she just breathes out.
"Why? Why not just… forget me?" he asks and she bites her lower lip.
"I couldn't, I tried at first, but then I realized it was stupid. A part of me always wanted to seek you out, but… I thought you'd hate me, and the longer time went the more I'd realize you'd never forgive me. I wouldn't have forgiven me," she tells him the truth, she's just so tired of all the secrets she's kept. Eight years is a long time.
He hums and she has a feeling he's trying to sort things out in his mind. Asking questions every now and then to try and put it all together. She's just hoping it won't lead him to stop talking with her. Kate crawls into her bed but stays seated, doesn't want to end their call quite yet, and she can't help but think back to all those times they stayed on the phone until they were both so tired they fell asleep to each other's breathing on the other end. That had driven her dad crazy, especially when he got the phone bill. But they couldn't stop, it was just so peaceful being close even if they weren't in person. She secretly thinks that's why her dad let him sleep over so many times, because he'd realized it was better to keep them together than having to pay that stupid bill. Plus, he'd liked him.
"Penny for your thoughts," he says and it feels so familiar that her heart skips a beat.
"Just thinking back," she tells him. "On all our phone calls, how my dad would encourage our sleepovers after a few months."
He chuckles at that. "Yeah, when he first let me I thought he was going to strangle me in my sleep."
"You did?" she says with a grin on her lips.
"Yeah, I thought it was the only reason he let me sleep over, especially since he let us be in the same bedroom."
Kate chuckles at that too. "I remember how I tried to convince you to join me on my bed but you wouldn't, I guess I know why now."
She can hear him gulp at that. "Yeah, I was sure I wouldn't be able to keep my hands to myself when I knew you were just wearing a pj shirt and underwear."
She smirks at how that memory affects her, she hadn't been able to keep her hands off of him either. "Not that it stopped any of us the second my parents were off to work on a day we didn't have to go to school."
"No, it definitely didn't," he chuckles with such nostalgia and sincerity in his voice it makes her wish to go back to those lazy days.
"We should sleep," she says with a sigh and he sighs too.
"I guess, until tomorrow then."
She snickers at that. "Can't you just say night?"
She can almost hear his head shaking. "I'm a writer, night is boring, until tomorrow sounds more… hopeful," he explains and she smiles.
"Well, I'm just a cop, so night," she says and hears him about to object but stops himself.
"Until tomorrow, Kate."
A few minutes after they hang up her phone chirps with a message, and when she looks at it she's filled with warmth.
"Not just a cop Kate, you're extraordinary."
A/N: Another Sunday and I still haven't found much time to write, but here's another chapter anyway. Hope you guys enjoyed it! Until next time, xxxx
