They end up on the couch not soon after they're finished with their discussion. They decided to watch the first film, both agreeing they wanted to watch all of them from the beginning together, something Kate agreed on upon asking her. Kate's been eyeing them every five minutes the whole movie, has watched as Lily started out sitting in between her parents on the couch and how she gradually has scooched closer and closer to her dad. Eventually she ended up with her head on his shoulder and right now, as the end credit scene is rolling in front of them, Lily is fast asleep leaning her whole being onto him.
Kate sees Rick look down at her only to realize she's fallen asleep, and first she can see a look of wonder. But then his eyes tend to hers and Kate feels her cheeks blush and her eyes sadden as she looks away.
"I'm sorry, I should probably get her into bed," Kate mumbles but when she's about to rise from the couch he's shaking his head violently.
"No, please, don't," he whispers and she stops in her movements. "I mean…" he's quiet. Too quiet and Kate feels her heart skip a beat as she takes a quick breath.
"Say it, Rick," she says and sees his eyes glimpse at the name she used to call him so freely years past.
"I wan-can I?"he changes mid sentence. "Can I take her? I-ah, just, I feel like I've missed too many times already," he only mumbles the last part, a feeling tells her he believes with his whole being she's going to say no.
"Yeah, yes, of course," she says immediately and his eyes glimpse with something. "Do you want me to go and open up the covers so it'll be easier to put her down? Of course I'll leave you to it after," she adds, not wanting to impose.
"That would be good, thank you," he says and she rises to set pace into her daughter's bedroom.
As she is, she's wondering if he's starting to realize how much he's missed. She feels her hands shaking as she's pulling the covers a bit to the side so he only has to put her down before tucking her in. As soon as it's ready she goes back again, decides that she won't intrude on his moment, because it is his moment.
"It's ready for you," she just says carefully and she watches as he lifts the girl up into his arms.
Lily makes some noises but only nestled in closer, which Kate sees is making him lose his breath. And in all honesty, hers too. As he's walking towards their daughter's bedroom Kate struggles with choosing whether to sit down on the couch, make some coffee or pour some wine. One part of her wants the wine in order to relax, another part prefers coffee to relax, but also she wants to sit down on the couch and just wait for the blow she fears is coming. He hasn't been angry yet, and it frightens a part of her. She expected angry, she expected him to hate her. And so far he's been nothing but sweet, and shocked of course, but no outbursts.
After a few seconds of battles inside of her she goes to put on some coffee, decides he might not want any but if that's so she'll just pour it into the sink. It takes him quite a few minutes to return, and a part of her wants to go and check so everything's alright while the other, thank god bigger, part of her wants to give him space. He's probably enjoying watching his little girl sleep, like she's done so many times, the difference being she's not so little anymore and he hasn't had that much time with her. It hits her again of how much she's deprived them off and she feels her cheeks dampen with the tears rolling down. It was a stupid decision to not include him. She's pretty sure everyone she knows will tell her that as soon as they know.
"Are you crying?" his voice makes her jump and she looks at him only to find him still in one place, observing her, and she wonders how long he's been standing there.
"No," she quickly states before wiping her hand over her eyes. Which earns her a look. "Yes."
"Why?" he asks then and moves closer to her.
She bites her lower lip and looks down when she answers. "Because I hurt you, because I did it all wrong, because I never told you and I should have the second I had the feeling something was off."
He's quiet as he's moving closer and she can see he's deep in thought. Not saying anything she just gets on with pouring the coffee into the mugs, thinking he needs his time to think.
"Will you stay?" he suddenly asks and she turns to look at him.
"What do you mean?" she asks.
"I mean, will you run away with her or stay here?" he questions as his blue eyes look as serious as she's ever seen him.
"I'll stay," she says and he takes a deep breath.
"How can I trust that?" he asks and she feels her color drain from her face.
"I-," she starts but then she just whispers the next part. "I don't know."
"So, you don't know if you're going to run away?" he questions and she immediately shakes her head.
"That I know, I won't. I'm not gonna leave, I'm here to stay, and I know I'm not gonna keep her from you from now on. But I-I don't know if you can trust me the way you used to," she tries to explain, but she's not sure how she's ever going to be able to let him know she'll never leave.
This is her home. But then again, she doesn't see how he's supposed to trust her.
"I'm not sure I can," he admits and she nods. "I mean, how…" he stops himself and Kate takes a deep breath.
"How what, Rick?"
"Nevermind," he states and she shakes her head.
"No, please, tell me. Don't hold back," she pleads.
"How could you do this? I mean, for eight years you've known about her, for eight years you've kept her from me. Didn't it occur to you even once that you could've reached out? You know me, Kate. You always knew me better than anyone!" he's trying his hardest not to yell, but she can see his feelings are finally catching up to him. "I get that you wanted to keep your own heart at a distance but… eight years?!"
She knows he's right, has been thinking the same thing but never gotten the courage to reach out to him.
"Did it ever occur to you?" he suddenly questions and when she looks into his blue eyes she finds that he wants an answer.
"Yes, several times," she admits in a low, defeated voice. "I thought about contacting you, but the hate I knew you'd feel for me once I did and time had passed so long I-it kept me from going through with it."
"I-I could never hate you, you know that," he states once again.
"But how can you not?!" Now she's the one trying not to yell. "I hate me for doing this. I hate that I took those eight years from you two."
"I told you," he says more calmly. "You're the one that got away."
"But that's not good enough. I should be hated. Lily will probably wake up tomorrow and hate me too, you should be hating me. Why don't you hate me?" she questions and he seems to step back, his mouth opens but then it closes again in order to think about what she asked.
It's quiet for a while. None of them know what to say. Kate turns around, her back towards him, and she knows she's hiding but she can't help it. She's been hiding for so long now. Especially from him. She can hear him move and she wonders if he's going to leave, it's his daughter he's here for anyway and she's asleep. That's why she's surprised when she sees his hand reach from behind her to take one of the coffee mugs while the other hand rests on her shoulder to turn her around. He hands her the mug before grabbing the other one for himself.
"Do you remember when I got my first rejection letter?" he asks and she looks at him dumbfoundedly as she registers his words.
"W-Yeah?" she says and thinks back.
She's been trying to reach him all day without reply, which is why she's now outside knocking on his door. When he doesn't answer she decides to use the spare key he'd given her a long time ago and unlocks the door.
"Rick?" she calls out when she walks inside and closes the door behind her.
She can hear him sigh from his bedroom and so she steers her feet there.
"You in here?" she asks as she's close to the door.
"Here," she hears his voice croak out and she feels her heart ache as she realizes he's been crying.
She quickly walks inside and finds him sulking on the bed, legs crossed with something that looks like a paper in his hands. She immediately sits down next to him, her arms going around him as she nestles her nose into his neck. To her relief he's hugging her back and she feels his nose going into her hair.
"What's wrong?" she whispers and feels his arms tighten around her.
"They didn't want it," he mumbles and she feels confusion fill her mind.
"Who didn't want what?" she asks carefully.
"The publisher didn't want my book." It's only a whisper but she hears him loud and clear. "They didn't like my book. They never will. I'm not good enough."
"Yes, you are!" Kate says with as much confidence as she can muster. "You are good enough, I love your stories and that's not because I love you."
"I should just stop writing all together," he sulks and she pushes him at an arm's length to look him dead in the eye.
"No, you should not. Do I need to remind you this is just one letter, just one obstacle, you can beat this, we can beat this."
He looks at her and she can see a glimpse of hope in those blue eyes.
"You love me?" he asks and she rolls her eyes with the smile growing on her lips.
"You know that already," she accuses him and he smiles.
"Yeah, but the way you said it, it finally caught up to me," he says and she feels her cheeks heat up.
"I love you, Richard Alexander Rodgers," Kate says and sees his eyes flick down to her lips. "And you can do anything you set your mind to. Even become a famous writer."
"You really think so?"
"I know so. I've read all your stories, and your love notes, and I know it's the best I've ever read. You'll be great, and so will we," she says and picks up the rejection letter. "This, this is just the start of something wonderful."
"You truly are my soulmate, aren't you?" he states and she shakes her head.
"You know I don't believe in that," she states, but the more time they spend together, the more she starts to believe it.
"Yes, you do," he says but before she can argue he's leaning closer and claims her lips with his.
"Yes, I remember?" Kate says as she looks at the man before her.
"You believed we're soulmates, and I still think we are," he says and she wrinkles her forehead.
"No, I did not, you were the one who talked about believing in soulmates," she says and he smirks that damn smirk.
"Yes, I said it, but I could see you were changing your mind the more time we spent together. Anyway, you're the one who wouldn't let me give up. I can't hate you. Don't get me wrong, though," he adds. "I am angry with you. I am frustrated by you. But I don't hate you."
A/N: Hey guys, so sorry for the long time not updating this fic. I've had A LOT going on. I've had a lot of dance rehearsals going on for the dance shows I participated in and then it was the dance shows plus an afterparty after that. And then I'd gone back to work and so I've had a lot to focus on. I'm going to try go back to publishing every Sunday again and try get back to writing so I can finish up the story. Thank you so much for you patience and thank you for still reading the story. Until next time, xxxx
