Chapter Five
As eventful as the morning had proven to be for Jane, the afternoon had been the exact opposite. With Gabby out on stress leave Jane was shoved together temporarily with Senior Constable Jacob Hillenbrandt and with that her access to the Dyson murder investigation disappeared. Her afternoon was spent behind the precinct's front desk handling public enquiries and concerns while Hillenbrandt pretended he was busy at the back of the room. Jane had caught a glimpse of the mobile phone he was failing miserably to hide behind a file folder. All she learned that afternoon was that Hillenbrandt spent too much time on social media and phone applications.
Jane had attempted to catch up with Detective Morris after her shift, but he had left for the day. Reluctantly she had returned home feeling incredibly deflated about being shut out of the investigation. Furthermore she was worried about both Gabby and Melissa, but more so Melissa because while Gabby was quite literally being entertained in the kitchen by Maura, Melissa at that moment in time had nobody due to some unforeseen circumstances keeping Brad and Monica out of the country.
Melissa was never going to be kept in check with phone calls, text messages and emails if she went off the deep end. Someone needed to be keeping a close eye on her and Jane realised she had dropped the ball on that one. She had been content knowing Gabby was on the case and that had clearly proven to be a bad decision. Gabby was too close to the situation and without Monica around to help Jane was realising she should have put her discomfort aside and just stepped up to push Melissa in the right direction. After all, nobody else in Melissa's circle could come even close to understanding what meeting a killer face to face felt like, other than Jane herself.
Jane finished changing into some comfortable clothes. She removed her shield and name tag from her work clothes before tossing them into the hamper and carrying them downstairs to the laundry. She started the wash cycle and closed the lid on the machine and pressed her palms down on the lid while she continued to cycle through all the things weighing her own mind down. She wanted to have a conversation with Maura about what Melissa had said regarding the open relationship and where the idea came from. She still couldn't reconcile the idea that Maura would do that, or that Melissa would lie to her about it. She assumed there were some crossed wires, but she wanted to be sure, because this idea had been catastrophic.
As if she were a mind reader Maura appeared behind Jane, snaking her arms around her waist and hugging her from behind. It wasn't psychic abilities that had summoned Maura though, it was her awareness of Jane's presence and absence. She had heard Jane come home and trudge up the stairs and had heard her make her way to the laundry. It was the fact Jane had not poked her head into the kitchen that had caught her attention the most. "Are you alright, Jane?"
Jane felt the tension in her body mostly melt away at the tender touch of her beloved. She took a couple of deep breaths and exhaled just to ensure she was centred before turning within Maura's grasp and offering a lopsided smile before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Maura's lips. "Just thinking about things. How's Gabby doing?"
Maura studied Jane's eyes for a few seconds before answering. "She's in the middle of cooking dinner for us at the moment."
Jane quirked an eyebrow out of curiosity, surprised that Maura would allow a guest to lift a single finger in assistance. "She's cooking dinner?" She asked, befuddled. "Also, can she cook?"
Maura shook her head a little at Jane's concern for her stomach, before further elaborating to put her mind at ease. "I'll have you know she's quite handy in the kitchen, Jane. However in this instance I just thought it would be helpful to allow her some control over an aspect of her life."
That idea made perfect sense to Jane without too much thought at all. Gabby struck her as a person that thrived when in control, but lately her life had been very much out of her control. It wasn't any wonder that she had finally broken down. "That's very thoughtful of you Maur."
Maura smiled softly at Jane. She moved one hand up to Jane's cheek and stroked it gently, taking a moment to just study the tired, dark eyes watching her every move. "Are you sure you are alright, my love?"
"It's been a long day. It's been a lot in all honesty." Jane admitted while taking a moment to close her eyes and just melt against the hand now pressed against her cheek. Maura soothed her soul in so many ways, with a simple touch, a simple look and sometimes a simple word.
"Did you want to talk about it?" Maura had long ago learned that it was better to let Jane come to her in her own time. It wasn't easy for her and her desire to fix any issue Jane had, but Jane's therapy in the past had set the framework for how to communicate best.
Part of the hard work Jane had done in therapy in the past was learning to become more willing to talk when Maura was willing to listen. Stuffing everything down deep inside had not helped her, and while there were times she still needed her own time and space to process before opening up, they were becoming fewer and fewer between because Maura had proven to be a reliable and safe partner to talk to. Jane was grateful for having done the work, and thankful to have a woman like Maura as her partner in life. "Actually, yes. I'd appreciate that a lot."
"Before or after dinner?"
"How long until dinner?"
"I do not think it will be much longer, but I will go check." Maura gently placed both hands on Jane's shoulder and ran her hands down each arm. "Did you want me to meet you in the dining room or somewhere more private?"
Jane considered for a moment before shrugging, it wasn't like there would be discussions on anything Gabby didn't or shouldn't already know if she were to overhear. "Dining room is fine."
Maura reconvened with Jane in the dining room a minute later and sat down next to her at the table. She placed a comforting hand on Jane's knee and placed a gentle kiss on her shoulder before adjusting the chair so that her body was more open to Jane. "Dinner should be served in ten minutes."
Jane gently patted the hand on her knee and chewed at her lip for a moment while contemplating where she wanted to start. "There's a lot to unpack, and some of it I'll wait for Gabby so I can update her too. There's one thing I did want to ask you about though, Maura."
"Go ahead Jane, you can ask me anything."
"While I was fetching an overnight bag for Gabby I ran into Missy. We talked briefly and I lost my temper. I wasn't very nice to her, Maura, but in the midst of it all she said something that just doesn't make sense to me." Jane scratched at the back of her head before tilting her head to the side to make better eye contact. "Did you suggest Missy and Gabby try an open relationship?"
Maura pursed her lips and shook her head lightly. "Absolutely not, Jane. Gabby is not built for an open relationship, as the empirical evidence is currently confirming."
Jane could tell the response was truthful, which only left her feeling more confused. Had Melissa flat out lied to her to shut her up? She quickly shook that thought off because her friend was many things, but a liar was simply not one of those. "Well Missy seems to be under the impression you did. I am glad you didn't suggest that, because it feels like it's made everything worse for the both of them."
"I'm not sure why she would think that Jane. I haven't even spoken with her about her struggles." Maura didn't necessarily think Melissa had been lying, but there must have been some communication confusion somewhere.
"We talked about it though, Maura." Gabby said from the doorway.
Maura looked up from the dining table to where Gabby stood and thought back on the conversation she had shared with her best friend several months prior. Melissa had been back in Tasmania for a month at that stage and had been sexually insatiable, wearing Gabby out completely. "When we discussed her insatiable carnal appetite and how it was leaving you exhausted?"
Gabby nodded in the affirmative. "We were running through all the options because I simply couldn't keep up with a work schedule and what she needed from me."
Maura continued thinking back on that conversation and it started to make a lot more sense. "I believe I ran through all the options. Maintain the status quo, break up, try again to push her into therapy, and that technically an open relationship was also an option, but I don't recall advocating for that Gabby."
Gabby shrugged. "I couldn't physically keep up and I wasn't leaving her, not after what she went through and not given how much I love her. I may have brought up our conversation regarding all options in the hope she would consider a combination of therapy and three to four weeks of giving me a break. Short term I honestly thought I could handle that especially if the rules were adhered to."
"Well at least that clears that up." Jane felt a lot better with the recognition that it was simply personal interpretations and communication differences that led them where they were. Melissa wasn't lying and Maura had simply been doing her usual thing of looking at all angles of a problem. Gabby had been the intermediary. "Why didn't you put a stop to it when she didn't follow through with therapy though?"
"Come on Jane, you saw her in Chicago. I still don't know what happened there. I just haven't been able to put my foot down on it." Gabby felt ashamed of that, because in hindsight she felt as though she had only been feeding the problem. Melissa would never heal if she didn't face it.
"I think it is time for a direct and honest conversation with Melissa," Maura stated firmly. "This situation is well and truly out of hand. If you had asked me before going to her with that offer I would have told you it was a terrible idea. She has been using sex to escape what happened and you provided her another avenue to keep doing that."
Gabby knew Maura was right, but she wasn't the one in the situation. She wasn't the one that would have her girlfriend literally begging for more intimacy in the early hours of the morning with tears streaming down her face. It was so much easier in hindsight. Unfortunately now a lot of damage had been done and she needed to figure out how to wrap her head around what had become of her relationship and the role she had played in the process. "Just let me get my head together and I'll talk to her."
Jane jumped up then and walked over to Gabby, gently nudging her towards the kitchen. "Sounds like a plan. Now let me help you with serving dinner, I'm starving."
Maura watched her two favourite people leave the room and called out after them, "You are not starving Jane, if you were, your new jeans would not have been a size larger!"
Gabby chuckled and nudged Jane back. "Might want to cut down on those blueberry muffins."
Jane looked innocently at Gabby and deadpanned, "She's lying."
Gabby shook her head and continued to chuckle, appreciating the tension being broken by her friends' senses of humour. "Oh absolutely," Gabby agreed, "You are clearly skin and bone. I think it's critical we get you fed!"
Jane gave an exaggerated nod, "It's clearly life or death!"
Maura walked up behind Jane and gently patted her rear, "You are clearly hyperbolic."
Jane turned to look at Maura and with challenging eyebrows and a childish tongue poke she followed up with, "Takes one to know one."
The look of utter confusion on Maura's face, as if someone had completely broken Jane's brain was too much for Gabby. She started wheezing from laughing so hard. "Stop," she begged between fits of laughter, "You two will be the death of me!"
Maura looked at Gabby in that moment and with a sly smile she said, "And now you see what I have to deal with."
"Hey!" Jane cried out, "If you're suggesting that I speak with language that makes absolutely no logical sense at any given moment just to confuse you, then I absolutely resemble that remark."
Gabby shoved Jane's shoulder playfully and regarded her with desperate eyes, all the while wheezing her way through more laughter. "For the love of all that is holy, please stop!"
Maura looked from Jane to Gabby smiling innocently, "Jane doesn't know how to stop, she just keeps going and going. She's like the Energizer rabbit."
Jane's hand flew up in the air, "Nope, just nope."
Maura wrapped an arm around Jane's waist and leaned into her side. Smiling devilishly, she concluded, "It makes her quite useful in bedroom scenarios."
"Oh I'm out," Jane said, spinning on her heel and disappearing back into the dining room.
Maura looked over at Gabby with a wink and asked loud enough for Jane to hear, "What did I say?"
Gabby simply grinned, "Oh you know what you did, Isles, you devious little Devil."
Maura simply smiled and shimmied her shoulders in acknowledgement that she had been learning from the master. She was thankful that she and Jane had brought some joy, albeit temporarily, to Gabby's life. "Let's serve dinner before Jane wastes away into nothing."
It went without saying that while Gabby was staying with Maura and Jane that Melissa was responsible for taking care of Charlie. She didn't really mind because the German Shepherd was a very sociable dog with natural empathetic instincts. Despite having had some formative months with Gabby, he had grown to love her as much and was very sensitive to her emotions. Charlie knew when she needed extra attention. Melissa suspected the poor dog was having the hardest time in the household, given all the misery that was going around. He never showed it though. He always came across as happy and excited to see whomever he was socialising with at the time. He hadn't even had any problems with the few strange women she had brought home.
Subsequently it was a surprise to Melissa when coming back home from the dinner time walk that Charlie's ears pinned back and he started pulling at the leash while following an apparent smell. Melissa closed the front gate and chose to let him off the leash completely, fairly certain it was simply the scent of a cat that had crossed through the yard getting him worked up. He shot up the path that led to the front door and followed a scent up the steps before turning in a circle and following down the path to the side gate into the backyard. It was there he started growling and barking urgently.
Melissa hurried to the side gate and looked beyond it, but didn't see anything. She heard a loud crashing noise and immediately opened the gate for the antsy dog. Charlie took off at full pace into the backyard and she followed him around the corner of the house. She saw Charlie jump at the side fence on the other side of the house that bordered the neighbours property, but she didn't see anyone or anything to explain his behaviour. "Charlie, heel."
Charlie stood his ground for a moment and growled before deciding the threat was gone and running back over to Melissa, where he presented as happy as ever. She knelt down beside him and rubbed behind his ears. "What did you see, boy?" She wondered out loud, while looking around the yard. Nothing appeared out of place, she wasn't even sure what she had heard crash. She just figured her original theory was correct and there may have been a cat and Charlie had simply been following instincts.
Given it was still light out Melissa decided to let Charlie expend leftover energy in the yard for an hour while she cleaned up and made something for dinner for herself. She went to unlock the backdoor but when she fished the keys out of her pocket she realised she had grabbed the spare front door key on her way out by mistake. She gave Charlie one more enthusiastic pat before navigating through the side gate, making sure she shut it properly and then quickly made her way down the path towards the steps leading up to the front door.
When Melissa reached the top of the steps she quickly reconsidered her theory that Charlie had been chasing a cat. Sitting in front of the front door was a bottle of Bushmills Irish Whiskey, with a little bow on it. There was a small card stuffed between the ribbon and the glass. She regarded the bottle nervously, before kneeling down to pick it up and look at the card. She pulled it away from its position and it read:
Something for when the nights are lonely and your bed is cold.
It wasn't signed and it was her whiskey of choice from back in the day when she did drink. The whole situation left her mentally shaken, because nobody close to her would leave her alcohol, they knew all too well the mess it made of her. Had it been left by one of her one night stands? Had someone just randomly hit on her favourite whiskey? She couldn't fathom it being a coincidence and that sent chills down her spine.
Melissa opened the front door and set the bottle down on the side table next to the couch on her way through to the kitchen. She attempted to soothe her nerves by focusing on meal preparation, but found her concentration wasn't on the task at hand. Her head was a mess and kept drawing her back to the bottle in the other room. It would be so easy to crack it open and drown all her anxiety and sorrow with the malt liquor and she had plenty of sorrows to drown. There were the flashbacks to that nightmarish night in Chicago, the state she had allowed her relationship to get to because of that and the loneliness she felt on a daily basis because she kept everyone permanent in her life at an arm's length.
Melissa returned to the living room and stood in front of the bottle for far longer than she should have. She eventually picked it up and cracked it open and the smell flooded all of her senses. Her brain remembered all too well the numbness that liquid could provide. With what felt like the last ounce of self control she had, Melissa closed the bottle and pulled her phone from her pocket. She wanted to call Gabby, but thought better of it, her girlfriend needed space. She couldn't really call Monica as she and Brad had a lot going on and it was late night in California.
It was even later in Chicago, but Melissa didn't care. Kelly was the one that made the big proclamation the last time they spoke and if it was true, she would take the call regardless of the hour. Melissa had not counted on the phone being switched off, which left her punching the air with frustration. She was down to one.
"Damnit," she muttered to herself, shooting off a quick text message to gauge the friendship status.
Are we still friends, Jane?
Melissa could picture Jane's face easily when that text message went through. She imagined something somewhere between perturbed and concerned. She tapped her fingers against her thigh with impatience waiting for a response, which eventually came through.
Yeah. Are you alright?
A low, bitter laugh that turned to tears very quickly escaped Melissa's lips upon reading the reply. Of course she wasn't alright, and that was true even before the mystery bottle of whiskey showed up at the door.
No, I'm not.
Melissa didn't have to wait as long for the next reply.
I'll be right there.
Jane had been halfway through dinner when she had received the text message from Melissa. She pulled the phone out at the table and offered an apologetic shrug to Maura who looked slightly annoyed. She wouldn't have normally pulled the phone out at the dinner table, but with everything that had been going on that day it could have been important. It turned out it was.
Gabby looked up from her meal and asked, "Is that Alec with an update?"
Jane glanced again at the message and back up to Gabby, reminded of the afternoon's frustrations she had not yet updated about. "Uhh no. When I returned to the precinct I was thrust together with Hillenbrandt."
Gabby groaned immediately with the understanding that brought to her. Hillenbrandt was notorious for being incredibly lazy on the job and only kept his position because his father was in the upper echelon of the service. Nepotism at its finest. It also meant that Jane was pulled off the case, because while they had to put up with the lazy Hillenbrandt for internal political reasons, they didn't have to put him anywhere important. So her superiors never did.
Jane quickly typed out a reply before looking back up at Gabby. "I meant to let you know what was going on."
Gabby waved it off. She understood entirely. She was perturbed with Alec, but then she supposed he didn't have much choice, because he wouldn't have wanted Hillenbrandt anywhere near his investigation even if he had a choice.
Jane exhaled anxiously when a second text came through and she quickly typed out a reply to that. Looking up again at the women sitting across from and beside her she knew she had to say something, but she wasn't sure Gabby should be trying to react to a problem with Melissa while she was trying to get some separation to fix her head and she wasn't sure what to say to Maura.
"Dinner was great, thank you." Jane ended up settling on as she pushed her half eaten dinner plate away and pushed her chair back. "However I have something unexpected to deal with, Maura would you mind following me out?"
Maura stood in synchronicity with Jane despite being confused. "Absolutely, Jane."
Gabby's eyes narrowed as she watched Jane step out from behind the dining table. She wasn't buying what she was seeing for a single second. Only one thing made sense to her if the message hadn't been work related. "Is Missy okay?"
Jane had reached Maura and hooked arms with her, but she turned to look at Gabby. Thinking quickly she said, "I'm an AA sponsor, and I need to do some crisis intervention." She quickly dragged Maura away before she could open her mouth to dispute the lie.
Maura for her part read between the lines and kept her mouth shut. She followed Jane to the front door and stepped into the front foyer with her, pulling the door most of the way closed. "What's really going on?" She whispered.
"Missy reached out to me, doesn't look like she's in a good way and she's a bit limited for help at the moment. I'll try not to be too long, but I honestly don't know what I'm going to be walking into."
"Please keep me apprised of what's happening."
Jane nodded and smiled sheepishly. "Also, could you put my work clothes into the dryer?"
Maura gently rubbed Jane's shoulder and offered her a soft smile. "You go ahead and I will take care of that."
Jane leaned over and gave Maura a quick kiss for the road. "Thanks Maur, love you."
Maura brought her thumb up and slowly wiped her lipstick from Jane's bottom lip, ensuring she held Jane's eye for a moment longer to share a tender smile and caring eyes. "Love you too Jane."
Jane had felt apprehensive on the drive over and she hadn't really been sure what to expect when she arrived. She most certainly hadn't been expecting to find Melissa opening the front door with a bottle of whiskey in her hand. "Uhh, Missy?"
Melissa waved Jane inside with the hand holding the bottle, "Don't worry, despite the temptation I haven't consumed a drop."
Jane stepped inside and closed the front door behind herself, all the while regarding her friend with concern. "What's goin' on?"
Melissa guided Jane through to the living room and set the bottle down on the side table next to the couch. "Returned from walking Charlie and found that on the front doorstep."
Jane studied Melissa closely, convinced it was the truth she felt her apprehension double. She walked over to the bottle and looked more closely at it while her friend took a seat on the couch. Jane picked it up to inspect it herself, noticing it had been opened. She shot a quizzical look at Melissa.
Melissa sighed, "I'm not perfect Jane, I opened it. I just wanted to take a whiff."
"So just the bottle was left?" Jane didn't believe for a moment that the bottle was a genuine gift. "Was there a note attached, or anything else left with it?"
Melissa pulled the card from her pocket and handed it over. "That was stuck between the ribbon and the bottle."
At first glance it seemed like something that may have been written by one of the one night stands who had gotten a little attached, but there was no name signed to the note. "You didn't see who dropped this off, or anyone hanging around when you left to walk Charlie?"
"Street seemed as quiet as always, didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Although when I returned home Charlie went bonkers and I let him into the backyard, he was growling and barking but I didn't see anyone."
Jane's brow furrowed in thought. "Did you hear anything unusual?"
"Heard a crashing sound, but by time I made it around the corner into the backyard there was no sign of anyone or what may have caused that sound. It was probably a cat clambering up the fence to escape Charlie." It was the self soothing lie her brain had settled on while waiting for Jane to arrive in an attempt to calm her nerves. Melissa had too much going on to even consider something sinister was happening.
Jane couldn't decide if her own experiences with the worst humanity had to offer was clouding her judgement, or if it was her detective instincts that left her worried that there was something more serious afoot. The timing was all too convenient in her eyes. A bottle of whiskey randomly showing up the same night that Gabby wasn't coming home? Jane placed the bottle back down on the small table and regarded Melissa thoughtfully. "Mind if I take a look around out back?"
Melissa shrugged, she didn't think it would make much difference. "If it makes you happy, sure. Let me just grab Charlie."
Jane waved Melissa off, "Oh don't worry about Charlie, he knows me."
Melissa watched Jane disappear into the kitchen and listened as the backdoor opened and her friend greeted the protective dog. Her heart felt heavy at the realisation that Jane was familiar with Gabby's dog and that the pair probably had a better friendship than she had at that point in time.
They were a long way removed from when they first met and hit it off instantly. They had been two broken people that had been able to see one another for who they really were. Only now time had passed and Jane wasn't so broken anymore. Contrary to how Melissa felt, which was completely shattered into a million unfixable pieces. She missed broken Jane. The one who understood her pain on a cellular level and yet she realised that maybe this Jane would still understand her that way, if she only let her. It was a rather sobering thought for Melissa, realising that Jane was probably the only person that could begin to comprehend the horrors she had endured.
Goosebumps appeared all along Melissa's arms when flashes of that night in Chicago came unbidden to the forefront of her mind. Fear was etched in her eyes and her face went pale. Her hands clenched in on themselves, nails digging into her palms in an attempt to drag herself back from descending into her nightmare past. She hadn't been gone for too long but when she returned to reality she felt eyes on her. She looked up to see Jane's eyes filled with such sorrow and concern that she had to look away. "I don't want to talk about it."
Jane absolutely understood that inclination. She would have rarely ever spoken about Hoyt if she hadn't been forced into it by her former employer, but she had learned in the previous two and a half years that holding it in didn't help anyone. She wanted to respect the honest boundaries of their friendship from the old days of no expectations and no pressures, but seeing the haunted look in her friend's eyes only troubled her deeply. She was worried. "I don't blame you for that, but this refusal to talk to someone, anyone about what happened… it's slowly burying you so far in the past that I worry there'll be no bringing you back."
"I just want to forget." Melissa's words were barely above a whisper as her mind fought to push down unwanted memories. "Just let me forget."
Jane sighed heavily. Melissa's choices in forgetting had nigh on destroyed her relationship, and if she looked to her old faithfuls, would lead her down a path of self annihilation. Furthermore, despite having found nothing out of place in the backyard, Jane was still worried about the mystery person that had left Melissa that bottle of whiskey. She sat down beside Melissa and placed a hand on her shoulder, drawing ocean blue eyes toward her. "Let me just be here tonight. You don't have to talk if you don't want to but if you want to talk, even if it's just to scratch the surface of what happened, I'm willing to listen."
While she didn't want to remember, or talk about what she remembered, Melissa didn't want to be alone either. Nor did she want to continue the behaviour that had pushed Gabby so far away from her. Jane was her only chance at preventing that. "Did you want to watch a movie?"
Tension that Jane hadn't realised was building up, released when Melissa accepted her company. From the morning after they had first met, Jane had always felt ultra protective of Melissa, and that hadn't really changed, even though she had tried to ignore it since her friend had been back from the United States. It hadn't been her place to be protective and she had respected that, but now it was necessary, at least in the short term. She just had two more things she absolutely had to do. "Sounds good, but first that whiskey has to go and secondly let me call Maura and let her know what's happening."
Melissa handed the bottle over but looked up with some trepidation. She understood that Jane couldn't just disappear for hours without updating her fiancée, but she didn't want to worry Gabby with what had happened. "Please ask her not to say anything to Gabby, she has enough on her plate right now."
Jane accepted the bottle and nodded her agreement. "I told Gabby I was doing some AA sponsorship stuff," she held up the bottle and wiggled it a little, "Accidentally accurate. That's a win in my book!"
A/N: Weekly update! I hope you enjoyed and I thank you all for your patience and for sticking around to read.
