Chapter Twelve
After a solid ten minutes of reassuring Jane that she would be okay and that she would call if she wasn't, Melissa finally waved goodbye to the overprotective American in her life and joined her wife at the kitchen table. She sat down and accepted the cup of tea Kelly had made for her. "I literally thought she would never leave."
"Well you know Jane, she's very protective of those she cares about. She just wants to be sure you'll be okay. It's been a big day."
Melissa wrapped both of her hands around the warm mug and sighed, that felt like an understatement. "It's been a big six months."
Kelly drank a mouthful of the tea she had made herself and nodded her head lightly in agreement. It had been a long six months from her perspective. A long, lonely, six months. "It has."
Melissa sipped at her tea, determined it had definitely cooled enough and adjusted to consuming a couple of mouthfuls. All the while she studied Kelly who appeared a little nervous, maybe apprehensive, which she understood. It was the first time they had been alone together since that morning when things had been out of hand. "I'm sorry about this morning."
"Which part?" Kelly asked cautiously.
"Honestly? All of it." Melissa had done a lot of thinking over the course of the day, and she recognised that in many ways she had brought so much of what pained her on herself. Worse than that she had pushed it onto Kelly unfairly and blamed her for her own poor decisions. Telling Gabby about their marriage had been her responsibility and punishing Kelly for that was just reactionary. "You should never have been in a position to have any power over my relationship. That's on me."
Kelly shrugged, appreciating the apology, all the while recognising that her surprise arrival to Launceston had left everyone on edge and unsettled. "Perhaps, but I certainly didn't help what must have clearly been a tenuous situation. What's been going on here Missy?"
Wasn't that the million dollar question? Melissa sighed heavily and took a moment to drink some more of her tea. She needed a moment to figure out where to start, because she owed it to Kelly, but more importantly herself, to take a long hard look at her behaviour since that night in Chicago. Her relationship wouldn't have fallen apart from a single omittance if it had been on strong footing in the first place. It hadn't been close to solid and taking an honest look at her relationship would reveal the cracks had been there all along. All the way back to when she had agreed to leave Kelly in the first place. She had been hesitant then, but she hadn't paid it any mind. Now, however, Melissa was willing to figure it out. "Where do I even start?"
"Chicago."
"What do you want to know?" Melissa figured for this night anyway, she would give Kelly her answers. There would be plenty of time to analyse the rest to obtain her own.
Kelly drummed one set of her fingers against the kitchen table, she hadn't been expecting Melissa to be that willing to open up. She stilled her hand by wrapping both around the nearly empty cup of tea she had in front of her. "Why did you cheat? The honest reason, not the excuse you tell yourself to justify it."
Melissa took another sip of her tea and eyed Kelly over the brim of the mug. Her wife, the professional pitcher, had thrown a question as hard as she would a ball on the diamond. The truth was she didn't know how to best answer the question, because she didn't know what she wanted or needed and the truth, well the truth would give hope and the last thing she wanted was to be responsible for destroying any more hearts. "You didn't wanna warm up first?"
"Deflection is not your strength, honey." Kelly made sure to speak with a soft tone, as she wasn't looking to fight. She was embracing the opportunity she had to really truly talk and try to understand what was going on with her wife.
Melissa sighed, and stared Kelly down. "You know why," her voice was firm, her heart clenching a little. She should never have cheated in the first place. Watching Kelly simply raise an eyebrow challenging her to voice it she turned her head and looked towards the back of the house, her jaw tightening. She had shared many difficult conversations in the very spot she sat in the past, but none had left her feeling quite as emotionally unprepared as that moment did.
"I really couldn't understand what was so bad about it. You know?" Kelly said, allowing Melissa an opportunity to hear her side of things. "I mean, you were happy right?"
Melissa's head snapped back towards Kelly, her eyes softening. She nodded, "Yeah, I really was."
"That's what I thought. It's why I never saw it coming until it was happening right in front of my face." Kelly pushed her chair back, the heavy emotion of their past getting to her. "I tried to see the best in you. I told myself there was a good reason for it. But there never really is, is there?"
"No, not really," Melissa admitted. "My reason was the worst. You deserved so much better than me Kelly. You still do."
"Is that why you refuse to admit it aloud?"
"It doesn't change anything Kel. It just gives more power to something you already know is true. You've never needed me to say it."
Kelly stood and looked down into Melissa's ocean blue eyes, even there in that moment she could see what Melissa refused to voice. It used to provide her with hope, but in that moment she just felt insignificant. She felt as if Melissa viewed her as less than and she didn't have the energy left to do the mental gymnastics required to put Melissa back up on the pedestal she had once been on in her mind. "I always needed you to say it. I just knew you never would. I accepted that because I believed when it came down to it, you would show it. You would choose me. I guess I was wrong."
"Kelly," Melissa jumped out of her chair when her wife walked straight past her towards the front of the house. She followed after her, "Where are you going?"
"Back to the hotel." Kelly answered, "I can't do this right now. You mean everything to me Missy, but I have got to put myself first for once."
Melissa stared at Kelly, feeling completely blindsided. She wasn't sure what exactly was happening, they had been talking and she was being open, everything Kelly had wanted and yet the woman was retreating. Well, almost everything. "I can't say it because I don't want to give you hope and then end up ripping it away from you Kel. I am so fucking messed up right now, you don't even know the half of it, but I've been trying to be open. I want to be open with you. Can't you see that I'm showing you?"
Kelly shook her head. It wasn't like she was trying to be difficult or abandon Melissa in a time of need. It was simply that knowing she was right, knowing that Melissa chose to cheat rather than embrace the beautiful relationship they had been developing, was hitting her harder than she thought it would. "It just fuckin hurts, alright?"
Melissa dropped her head, her eyes seeking out the floor. She felt ashamed. She knew she had hurt Kelly immeasurably in multiple ways back in Chicago. The cheating was probably the smaller of the hurts. It was leaving her for Gabby, who just as Kelly rightly pointed out that morning, had ghosted her since she left for Chicago in the first place, that would have hurt the most. She looked up with tears in her eyes and admitted out loud for the first time a thought that had been tormenting her at the back of her mind on and off for six months. "I shouldn't have left you."
Kelly locked eyes with her wife, "No, you really shouldn't have."
They stood face to face in the hall, a reasonable amount of space between them, as they were each close to opposite walls and that distance suddenly felt too large to Melissa. She wanted to bridge it, but she couldn't tell if that was the feelings she knew she had felt for years, the immediate fear of Kelly walking out or worse yet that part of her that had been latching on to physical intimacy to forget causing that need within her. Melissa took one step closer and in a voice just above a whisper admitted, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."
Kelly felt the shift in the energy around them, but fought the desire to be sucked in by it. "You sure fooled me."
"I called you, didn't I?" Melissa asked, taking another small step closer.
"Six months later." Kelly's breathing hitched a little under the intense predatory look thrown her away. She swallowed thickly, reminding herself that Jane would kick her ass if she took advantage of Melissa.
"I was trying and failing to make it work here." Melissa retorted, despite knowing the truth wasn't exactly going to give her the intimacy she craved in that moment. She just couldn't stand there being any more secrets and lies. Secrets and lies had destroyed her relationship with Gabby a long, long time ago. They had deceived themselves into thinking they could ever move past what happened with Rachael. "I thought I owed it to her."
"You don't owe anyone a damn thing," Kelly said quietly, "Not even me."
"I owe you the truth," Melissa admitted, as she took one last step to close the distance between them. She kept her hands to herself, but her eyes wandered from shimmering emeralds down to glossy lips and back up again. "I want to touch you right now."
Kelly backed right up against the wall and looked away, she knew if she kept staring into those blue eyes she would be seduced. She was only human after all and Melissa knew exactly how to get under her skin. "Jane would kill me if I let that happen," she said in an attempt to keep things under control.
"Jane's not here right now," Melissa said, a knowing smile curling at her lips. "Are you really that worried about touching your wife?"
Melissa's seduction fell flat. Kelly gently pushed her back and said, "Now I know this is just you trying to cope. I told you, I'm not doing that. I'm not fucking you to help you forget."
"For Christ's sake Kelly!" Melissa growled, her emotion getting the better of her. "I freaked the fuck out because you were standing there in the kitchen with pieces of apple pie smooshed on your face with the absolute dumbest, happiest grin I'd ever seen and in that moment I knew…"
Kelly felt her heart rate increase rapidly and she felt butterflies in her gut. It was a precipitous moment she had to take advantage of. "Knew what?"
"That I wanted to take your name. That I wanted this marriage of convenience to be real." Melissa paused, her brain was screaming inside her skull to shut the fuck up, but her heart, which was a complete mess just wanted the truth out there, consequences be damned. She shook her head and then locked eyes with Kelly one more time to say the words she was dying to hear. "That I had fallen head over heels in love with you."
Everything that had happened before that moment faded away. Kelly felt an intense jolt of arousal she knew she wouldn't be able to contain. It was stirred by Melissa finally admitting what she had believed to be true. She quickly framed Melissa's face with her hands and pushed her back into the wall as their lips crashed together and their bodies pressed into one another. She felt so high. She had waited for this moment for so long. The kiss was their most electric one yet and she suspected it had everything to do with the freedom the truth provided. She pulled away for oxygen but brought her forehead to rest against Melissa's. "God Missy, I've waited so long…"
"Kelly," Melissa's tone was heavy, the kiss had been amazing and she really wanted them to take it further, but not without all of the cards being on the table. "Let me finish, please."
Kelly pulled back just enough to search Melissa's eyes and the fear hit her like a freight train. She suspected she wasn't going to like what she heard next, but her body was a tingle and she was aching to take things further. "In the morning, tell me in the morning." She muttered, leaning in to kiss Melissa again.
Melissa pulled away from the kiss. She wasn't going to keep repeating mistakes. It wasn't like what she had to say was awful, but it could potentially dampen the mood. "I don't know what I feel right now. I know I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, about us. But all I saw flash before my eyes when I nearly died was Gabby. That's why I had to try and that's why right now, I can't say that I still feel the same about you, about us. I think I do, but I don't know. I have to figure it out. I didn't want to get your hopes up. Fuck," Melissa gently banged the back of her head against the wall several times. "I shouldn't have said anything until I was sure. I don't want to hurt you like that all over again."
Kelly just stared for the longest time while her brain processed the mess of words her wife had urgently rambled. She reached out and tucked a strand of hair back behind Melissa's ear and softened the look in her eyes, "It's okay, really. You just broke up with a woman who was your first love. A woman you have been so focused on for more than a decade, regardless of whether you were in an actual relationship or not. I'm not surprised she was the one you saw at death's door, but that doesn't mean she's the only one. It just means she has been so ingrained in your brain. So yeah, I get it, you should be confused. You should want to be cautious. Just know that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. We go at your pace, or no pace. Whatever you decide."
Jane felt the exhaustion in her bones when she returned home. The early rise was more than she was used to in recent times. Back in Boston she was likely to be up at all hours and slept when she could. The joys of working homicide. However, since she had been in Launceston she had gotten into a healthy pattern of a regular bedtime and a regular wake up time, neither of which were anywhere close to five in the morning. That in combination with the emotional upheavals she was both dealing with and experiencing herself during the day left her plodding very slowly up the stairs. She just wanted to find Maura and wrap herself around the woman.
A yawn escaped Jane's lips as she checked upstairs but couldn't find her fiancée. She headed back down the stairs and ducked into Maura's study, but she wasn't there either. She couldn't find her anywhere downstairs, but she finally glimpsed Maura swimming in the pool through the living room window and made a beeline for the backyard.
It was a warm night and the sky was a glorious mixture of red and orange as the sun had all but disappeared from the sky. It was the perfect night for a dip. She pulled off her socks and shoes and rolled her pants up to her knees and sat on the edge of the pool, allowing her feet to dangle in the water that had been heated all day by the sun. She smiled when Maura noticed her presence and swam over to her and brought her arms to rest on the edge of the pool.
"Great night for it," Jane commented conversationally.
"You're home!" Maura smiled brightly, pleasantly surprised to see Jane. She hadn't expected her to make it home while there was light left in the sky. Granted there wasn't much left, but it was a lot sooner than she had expected. "How's Melissa?"
"I think she's doing okay." Jane answered, there was still a lot to unpack and so she continued, "I think your idea to bring Kelly around was a good one. They talked things out and I think it really helped her feel grounded. Made her feel like she wasn't alone."
"I'm very pleased to hear that." Maura was grateful to know that Kelly had done her part and earned some trust back. It should definitely free Jane up from playing saviour, which was what she was most concerned about. "I take it she's processing this on a more normal level then?"
"This afternoon was definitely a lot better than this morning," Jane advised, "But Kelly's with her and Missy promised to call me if anything goes drastically wrong, so I just have to trust all will be good at this point."
"Melissa knows you care about her and as you already indicated, she's very aware that she isn't alone. I believe you can rest easy my love."
Jane nodded her agreement. She was mostly relaxed as she trusted Melissa explicitly when she made a promise, but she couldn't help but continue to worry a little bit. It was just her nature. She sighed and offered a half hearted smile, "It's out of my hands now anyway."
Maura could tell that Jane was still troubled and it made her feel uncomfortable. She didn't understand what it was about Melissa that made her so nervous because Jane was a faithful woman. Though she supposed when she really thought about it, Jane had let her lips wander a couple of times when she had been in a relationship in the past. However as the woman that benefited from that it was hard to use that to judge Jane, as once they had become a couple Jane's loyalty could never be questioned. She was the exception to the rule, not Melissa. So why was she so jealous of the woman?
Jane watched Maura get lost in her thoughts, her face falling a little and it bugged her. She hated to see Maura feeling so obviously out of sorts. She leaned forward a little and scooped some water in Maura's direction to drag her out of her own head. She grinned when Maura's eyes snapped to hers, a little annoyed, but not in a bad way. "Earth to Maura," she teased, "What's bothering you?"
Maura had several options, but lying was not one of them. The hives would be glaringly obvious and experiencing a vasovagal episode in a swimming pool was not recommended. She sighed heavily and admitted, "I was pondering my jealousy of Melissa."
Jane's eyebrow shot up so dramatically even Dwayne 'the Rock' Johnson would have been impressed. She was astounded by those words. "Maura, you have nothing to be jealous about."
"I understand that on a logical level, Jane." Maura agreed, but she realised her problem was not logical. "Emotionally, however, I do not."
Jane's jaw clenched as she contemplated many things in that moment. She fought her instinct to be defensive, as nothing about Maura's tone had indicated anything other than her typical honesty. It was something her fiancée was struggling with and trying to understand, so to be defensive would only stoke those flames. "Okay, let's talk about it. Let's have an open and honest conversation about anything and everything that leaves you feeling that way."
Maura managed a weak smile. She appreciated Jane's willingness to discuss the situation in an attempt to take the power away from it, but she wasn't so sure she was ready to talk about it. She had been asked and had answered a direct question, but that was as far as she wanted to take it. "Let me finish up here and I will join you shortly."
Maura didn't wait for an answer before she slipped away from the side and recommenced swimming the length of the pool. Jane's brow furrowed as she thought seriously about Maura's concerns. She was clearly feeling unsettled enough to delay the conversation, which for Maura was almost unheard of. If anything she was usually the one that would have to be patient with her. Jane wasn't so good at being patient.
Jane's eyes were pulled to her fiancée's lean form as it moved through the water. Her lover clearly knew what she was doing as her powerful legs propelled her forward and her arms lengthened her body deliciously. She bit her lip just thinking about other more intimate ways Maura had used her form earlier in the week. She wasn't the biggest fan of shower sex, but the intimacy of sharing a shower with the person you love while washing each other's bodies was next level and sometimes one thing led to another, especially when Maura Isles was involved.
Jane watched as Maura surfaced at the other end of the pool and almost pulled her entire body out of the water reaching for her water bottle. Jane licked her lips hungrily, salivating over the simplest action. She watched her fiancée sate her thirst with several deep pulls on the bottle. Jane was feeling a thirst of her own developing, which became almost unbearable when Maura had glanced over her shoulder with a coy smile before dropping back into the cooling water.
That smile was entirely too familiar. It was the exact smile Maura had hit her with Tuesday morning before joining her in the shower. It was impressive how long Maura could swim underwater without taking a breath. It had proven quite useful Tuesday morning, and many other mornings for that matter. Jane shook her head, she was tired of thinking about previous lovemaking. It was Friday night, and they hadn't been intimate since Tuesday, it had been too long and she could already feel the familiar ache of arousal building.
Jane watched for a honey blonde head to rise out of the water and then waited for the front flip spin that would end with Maura kicking off the wall to propel herself across the pool. Jane timed it perfectly and jumped in right beside Maura as she kicked off from the tiles. Her arms surrounded her fiancée's waist and a spluttering woman launched herself into the air spinning angrily around to glare at a sheepish Jane.
"What are you doing?" Maura had been surprised and had inadvertently swallowed some chlorinated pool water, which she was none too pleased with. "Chlorinated water does not taste pleasant, Jane."
All Jane managed was a sheepish shrug, she hadn't exactly thought through her actions. She had been running on instinct afterall. She watched as Maura started ringing out her hair with those same graceful hands she had held numerous times. She watched as deft fingers readjusted bathing suit straps and remembered all the times those fingers had caressed her face. She watched Maura's chest heave while she stretched her back out. The same very chest that held a heart so innocent and pure. A heart that had forgiven her many sins of the past and had given her a chance to come back home where she belonged.
God, did Jane love Maura. It had taken time, a fair amount of alcohol, some stubborn decision making and a forgiving heart to bring them together. It had taken a lot of therapy and sacrifice to keep them together, but standing in that swimming pool, in her clothes, she remembered the moment she had told the woman eyeing her carefully she loved her with more than three simple words. A gentle smile graced Jane's lips. She quietly said, "You're more than just a North star to me, you're all of the stars and the moon and the sun."
Maura had been worried that Jane may have suffered an injury on the way into the pool with the way she had just stood there staring at her, but Jane's words eased her concerns. Her heart fluttered and her brain flashed back to Boston and her bold declaration of love. While it hadn't gone smoothly, that moment when Jane had spoken her truth in near exasperation meant the world to her. Now her beloved had taken a beautiful moment tainted by circumstances and given it a brand new, loving backdrop.
Maura's chest ballooned with love and the brightest of smiles lit up her face. She ran her hand through Jane's hair, tucking all the wild curls back behind her ears and gazed lovingly into dark eyes that tracked her every movement. "I love you too, Jane."
Jane's entire body felt the weight of a wave of unconditional love washing over it. The way Maura looked at her. The way her hands deftly pushed her hair back before resting against her abdomen. The way in which her lover trusted her so implicitly, even during difficult stretches. There wasn't a moment Maura had not trusted her and that feeling caught in her throat. How was it that she had so much to say and yet words seemed so incapable of expressing the depths of her feelings?
"Jane, are you alright?" Maura had grown concerned again.
Jane's attention snapped back into the now and she smiled warmly. "I was just thinking how I could possibly even begin to explain how deeply I love you Maura…"
"I know you love me, Jane." Maura interrupted, not quite grasping where Jane was headed.
"No, no, no." Jane placed a finger to Maura's lips to shush her for a moment. "It's more than love, it's a need deep within me. It's that feeling of contentment when I fall asleep next to you. It's the excitement of waking up next to you and watching the sunlight dance across your still sleeping features. It's falling asleep in your lap while you watch the latest National Geographic documentary. It's everything and yet, nothing feels enough. This feeling inside makes me feel like I'm going to explode, Maura, because nothing I say can even begin to quantify how much I feel when I look at you."
Maura's brain pretty much short circuited. Jane was more likely to show than tell, but this level of emotion was unexpected. She could tell from her partner's eyes that she was almost overwhelmed and still Maura couldn't help but wonder, "What has gotten into you Jane?"
Jane simply smiled the most crooked of smiles. "You. You have gotten into me, Maura Isles. I don't think I tell you that enough. I'm truly sorry for that, Maura. You are unequivocally the love of my life. Please forgive me for ever letting you doubt that."
Maura was absolutely touched and decided to take a page out of Jane's book, except she didn't want to use her words to explain her love. Well, not many of them anyway. She flashed the coy smile that she knew Jane understood well and said, "I haven't quite gotten into you just yet."
Jane let out a guttural growl and picked Maura up by the hips, assisted by her buoyancy. She kissed Maura fiercely and relished in the feeling of her lover's legs wrapping around her waist. The kiss was deep and probing and an explosion of feeling. It was tender and sensual and as usual Jane was the first to need to break it off for oxygen reasons. Maura was a damn near supernatural in that department, but Jane really didn't mind. She sucked in the oxygen, burying her face in the crook of Maura's neck afterwards. She mumbled, "I love you so damn much, Maura."
Jane Rizzoli wasn't a fan of shower sex, but swimming pool sex, she'd soon discover, might just be her favourite expression of love, ever.
Gabby's day of escape had come to an abrupt end when she remembered to check her phone and discovered Melissa's text. As much as she wanted to spend the evening getting reacquainted with Alexis she knew she needed to return home to take care of Charlie. Alexis had offered to come with her, but she had declined because she knew that when she walked into her home with most if not all traces of Melissa removed she would feel emptier than she already did. She wasn't ready to put all of that on Alexis, not when her ex still clearly harboured feelings for her.
It was one thing to allow her to provide comfort and support, it was another to break down in a complete mess over a woman she had chosen to leave. They both knew there would be times she would struggle with her new reality, but that was different. She didn't want to taint the sense of relaxation she felt around Alexis with her soul shattering desolation. She simply wasn't ready for that yet. She wanted to keep something that felt nice and warm and good that way for as long as she could.
Walking through the house switching lights on as she went, Gabby was certain she had made the right decision because her heart felt like it was caught in a vice that was tightening rapidly. On her way to let Charlie inside, she had to brace herself against the kitchen door frame to ride out an extra wave of painful emotion that rolled through her body. Once she steadied and took in a deep breath she set down the six pack of beer she had bought on the way home, put some food down for her dog and opened the backdoor. He raced past her to the food and she sighed. It was a couple of hours later than he was used to being fed, so she couldn't really blame him for his priorities.
Gabby pulled one beer stubby out of the plastic, cracked the top, tossed it in the rubbish and found her way to the couch, setting the pack of five unopened bottles down beside her. She put her feet up on the coffee table, switched the television on and flicked absently through the channels while taking long draws of the Boag's Draught. There was at least one upside from Melissa being gone, she could drink freely in her own home once more.
The television droned away in the background, her eyes losing focus as she chugged her way through all six beers in an hour. Charlie had joined her in the living room, but after taking one look at her had curled up in his own bed and laid his head down on his front paws, his eyes watching Gabby sadly. She glanced over at him, working hard to focus, her body not used to drinking that much in such a short span, given she rarely drank more than one drink once in a while. His sadness was palpable and she sighed, she knew exactly how he felt.
They both missed Melissa, and staring at her dog she realised that he knew what she was still wrapping her head around, that it was over. There had always been a possibility she might change her mind and beg Melissa for forgiveness, which she knew Melissa would give, but that wasn't going to happen. Staring at Charlie it was very apparent that as much as it hurt and as much as she missed her in the darkness of night, it was so incredibly over. It had been over for a very long time.
Gabby switched the television off and climbed unsteadily to her feet. Apparently six beers in an hour was definitely more than she could handle. She wondered when did she become such a lightweight? The answer was of course so many years ago, for Melissa's sake. She sighed, stumbling her way through the house until she collapsed face down onto her bed. She sucked in a deep breath and realised that she didn't even get to enjoy the smell of her ex-lover, as the damn woman had apparently changed the bedding on her way out. Thoughtful perhaps, but irritating.
Gabby rolled over onto her back and dug around in her pocket for her phone. She opened her contacts and stared at it for the longest time. Alexis' name was right there at the top, beneath Alec's and she scrolled through to find Maura and Melissa right next to one another, followed closely by Monica. She'd skipped right past Jane. Because the last person she wanted to talk to at that moment was the woman she had tasked with picking up the pieces of the heart she had broken. She started swiping the screen up and down, scrolling back and forth between all the potential contacts before making her final decision.
The phone rang for a while before a very tired, grumpy voice answered on the other end of the line. "This better be life or death…"
Gabby huffed out a deep breath, interrupting. "Guess that depends Mon, on where the Hell on that spectrum breaking up with Missy falls." She was pleasantly surprised to realise that her inebriation wasn't impacting her ability to speak. That would make their conversation a lot smoother.
The sounds of Monica getting out of bed and quietly closing the bedroom door behind her filtered through the line. In a hushed voice she asked, "Did I hear that correctly?"
Gabby was staring at the ceiling, her thoughts drifting back to that morning, her heart clenching tightly again. There was that vice that didn't want to let her go. Everytime she found even an ounce of compassion for her ex, she'd remember Kelly's smug face and she'd get angry. "Yeah. Apparently she and Kelly got married while she was in Chicago."
"They what?" Monica exclaimed, barely remembering to keep her hushed tones.
It was a cold comfort to realise that this had also been news to Monica, Melissa's best friend. "At least I wasn't the only one she didn't tell," she muttered irately.
"What did she have to say for herself?"
"It doesn't matter, Monica. She lied to me. She hid something incredibly important from me." Gabby's free hand clenched into a fist and she slammed it repeatedly against the mattress beside her. "You've been gone too long. She's spiralled so far and there was nothing I could do. She refused to get help and, fuck, fuck, fuck…" Gabby's attempt to explain carefully was overwhelmed by her broken heart. "Fuck!"
"So when did this happen? Just now or?" Monica's voice was laced with worry, for both of her friends.
Gabby closed her eyes and fought really hard to push the overwhelming emotions aside. She tried to find her inner calm again and after a quick look at the time she said, "I dunno, um, somewhere in the last fourteen hours or so."
"And you're only just telling me now?" Monica exclaimed irately.
"Oh don't get your knickers in a twist, Jane's been with her. You know no matter my own pain I'm not goin' to let her be alone after something heavy like this." Gabby was starting to wonder why she had opened herself up to a tongue lashing from Monica, but she supposed it was important someone update her on what was going on. Melissa had been very good at keeping everyone at arm's length since her return and out of sight was very much out of mind a lot of the time with her. Monica had taken it in stride given there were more imminently important things happening with Brad's father.
"What about you?" Monica asked, her voice calming down once she was aware that Gabby had been mindful of her friend's mental health needs. "Have you talked to anyone about what you're going through? Maura maybe?"
"I've said more to you than I've said to anybody else. Jane knows, as would Maura because of that and I told Alec, and Alexis. But I'm not talkin' about this Mon, I just want to put it behind me." It was after she spoke that Gabby realised her inebriation may not have impacted her ability to speak like it had affected her balance, but it had absolutely affected her ability to recognise what, or rather, who, she shouldn't have mentioned. She muttered, "Fuck," under her breath, knowing what was coming.
"Alexis? You haven't talked to Maura about this, but you've talked to Alexis? How long before you were fucking her Gabby?" Monica was pissed, she knew their history, had lived it alongside her sister and her best friend and there was no reason for Gabby to already be speaking with her ex unless it was for one reason and one reason alone. "It hasn't even been a damn day."
"Don't start with me Monica, you have no fucking idea what I've been living with. Or how many women in this damn city your best fuckin' friend has fucked into oblivion." Gabby snapped, miffed that she had been left to hold Melissa together alone in the first place. "Everyone is always so fuckin' worried about her, but nobody even stops to consider what I'm goin' through. I'm so fuckin' tired of it."
Monica was blown away by Gabby's expletive laden explanation, and if true, which even she couldn't imagine Gabby would be lying, made things make a lot more sense. Still she had to say, "Maura, Gabby. Maura has your back. I'm pretty sure she's never really relaxed into liking Missy, so why didn't you just talk to her? You didn't have to go off and fuck Alexis. Do you really think that was a smart idea? Do you not already have enough on your plate without adding her into the mix?"
"Don't!" Gabby warned. "Just don't bring her into this. After Missy, we all just ghosted her, treated her like she was the problem. Alexis was never the problem. It wasn't her fault I fell for Missy, and she sure as Hell didn't even have to speak to me today, but she did and she comforted me, and she helped me forget the Hell I've been living for the last two and a half years. So just don't, okay?"
Any subsequent thoughts Monica may have wanted to share flew out the window after Gabby's impassioned speech. There were many sides to a story, and she had the natural inclination to take Melissa's and she had reacted angrily because of that. However, Monica wasn't the sort to blindly support her people, she could acknowledge and accept when they were all too human and she could allow herself to view a situation through another's eyes. So that's what she chose to do. She chose to empathise from Gabby's perspective and respect her wishes. "You're right, I don't know what you've endured and it's not my place to judge you. Just, whatever you do, please don't rub it in Missy's face. I don't know if I can get away right now to come back home. Brad's Father has weeks at best and they both need me. So please don't push her beyond breaking."
Gabby closed her eyes and focused on her breathing in an attempt to calm down, recognising that she was simply piling it on. Monica was probably the kindest person she knew, potentially even surpassing Maura, and fearfully loyal, but not to a fault. She understood why she was Melissa's best friend and why she had become a friend to her too over the years, and she was being thoughtless. "Jesus, Mon I'm sorry. How's Brad doing with all of it?"
"He's putting on a strong face for his Mother, but he's not good. He doesn't sleep much, only when he's exhausted. He's so worried about what's going to happen when his Father passes that he's working himself to breaking point. I'm doing all I can to ease his burden, but it's hard Gabs, it's hard."
It was a sobering perspective. She may have lost her relationship, but she hadn't lost Melissa in a permanent way. Not like Brad and his family were about to experience. It sucked. It hurt so deeply, but she would live, and Melissa would live, and the world would go on. She would hopefully love again and she hoped that Melissa would too, maybe even with Kelly, if that's what she needed. Although as magnanimous as her thoughts were in that moment, she couldn't help but hope it took them a very long time to work their shit out. "I really am sorry. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you."
"Like I said Gabby, whatever happens with you and Alexis, keep it far from Missy. That's what you can do to help me."
"You have my word."
A/N: I'd like to thank everyone for reading and reviewing and following and favouriting, and all of the good stuff.
How long do we expect Gabby to be able to keep her word?
And, might I just add, as someone who was writing, but not in control at the time, as it was ALL Missy, what the actual hell? Anybody see that coming? I didn't (I bet that sounds funny, but I truly didn't).
