CHAPTER FOUR

No cameras catch my pageant smile

I counted days, I counted miles

~ Taylor Swift, Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

Edward Cullen

It was early morning by the time the rain stopped. The sky was still dark, made darker by the ominous clouds that lingered above us, but the storm had passed.

Bella hadn't moved in hours. She kept herself curled in my lap, her face buried against my chest. She was soaked, her hair sticking in wet clumps to her face and arms. Her clothing stuck to her like a second skin.

I pressed my lips to her temple before standing up. Her only movement was a slight tightening of her fingers into my own soaked shirt.

I had seen a home a few miles away in her memories, a place she had been given to have space away from everyone else. It was easy enough to find. A simple little cottage nestled in the trees. It was much smaller than the main house; a single bedroom with a small open living space that expanded into a kitchen. But where the main house was cold and rigid this was more of a home. Warm. Someplace a human would be comfortable staying.

Her scent lingered in the air, but the home wasn't saturated in it. She truly had spent nearly every moment of the last three months in that meadow waiting. For me.

A pang of guilt stabbed my gut.

Soft, tentative lips pressed to the side of my throat.

I set Bella to her feet carefully, keeping a hand on her waist for no reason other than I wasn't sure I could ever let her go. The last few hours of having her in my arms, of being completely surrounded by her and her memories, it had spoiled me. Perhaps ruined me for the rest of my existence. Because a single moment not spent by her side was a moment wasted.

"Alice brought you clothes," Bella said quietly, nodding toward the small counter in the kitchen.

I nodded, my eyes finding a pile of her own discarded clothing before they could see mine. I didn't have to look too closely to know they were spotted with blood. Animal.

Bella noticed my gaze. "Hunting is still a little messy for me."

My palm cupped her cheek. "Did anyone ever show you?"

"No. I didn't… no."

I nodded, pressing my lips to her forehead. Her eyes were already turning a dark amber.

"Carlisle says I should hunt every twelve hours. My body burns through it faster than the average vampire."

I brushed my thumb against the deep circle forming underneath her eye. "May I go with you?"

Bella nodded. "I should change first. So I can ruin a clean outfit instead of this."

Her joke caught me off guard. I let out a chuckle as she disappeared to the bedroom. I changed into the clothing Alice had left, dark jeans and a navy button down. Bella was back as I fastened the last few buttons.

She wore pale blue jeans and a simple black cotton t-shirt.

She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Her eyes met mine from across the room, somehow already darker than just a few minutes ago. Bella opened her mouth, looking for words for a question.

"We should get you fed," I told her. I didn't like the idea of her thirst getting out of control, even if she had fed mere hours ago.

I could go weeks between feeding. It was an interesting development, Bella burning through her sustenance faster than average.

Bella nodded, reaching to grab my hand before pulling herself back.

My head cocked to the side. She darted out of the room.

I had seen it last night. I had seen everything. And I knew how horrified she was of herself, of her power. She still hadn't forgiven herself for the shock to my hand yesterday, let alone the small earthquake. She hadn't forgiven herself for hurting Esme, even though she barely knew her and wasn't sold on trusting her. She even felt guilty for the storms that she thought she brought on that destroyed the pretty flowers she loved in the meadow.

I knew her reluctance to grab my hand was from that power. It was probably why she kept a good six feet between us when we got to the house yesterday. It had been an unexpected gift to hold her all night, I realized.

I followed her out the door, barely catching up to her. She stopped in a small opening in the forest, the sound of a running stream in the distance. A good vantage point, listening for prey stopping to hydrate.

She had the instincts. It was the execution that seemed to be her problem, based on the scraps of blood covered clothing in her home.

Bella bit her bottom lip as I came to a stop beside her.

"There are a few caribou to the east, heading toward the stream. Can you hear them?" I asked.

"Yes, but… you're going to think it's stupid."

"I highly doubt that."

"Caribou, well, they're cute."

My brows shot up.

She had shown me her love of animals as a human. She never walked past a dog without stopping to pet it. She and her mother volunteered at animal shelters on the weekends. She never trusted her mother to actually take care of a pet, so she thought it was the next best thing.

It was, quite possibly, the most endearing thing I had ever heard a vampire say. That an animal was too cute to hunt.

"What have you been hunting?"

Bella shrugged, eyes falling to the ground. "Grizzly bears are mean."

Well. The torn clothing made more sense now.

There was a roar of a grizzly in the distance, right on time.

"He's a few miles north," I told her.

Bella nodded.

"Close your eyes," I said gently. She complied. "Take a deep breath. And let your instinct win."

Her eyes snapped open, nearly black by now and mixed with fear and hunger. "No."

My brows rose again. "No?"

"Bad… bad things happen when I'm not in control."

Another pang of guilt stabbed my gut. I should have been here from the beginning. Helped her during the most uncertain times when she was so scared of herself and her power.

Bella's eyes glazed over with a vision. I took the opportunity to close the few feet she kept between us and gently cupped her cheek, brushing my thumb across her lower lip. Her eyes refocused on me.

"Does that help? Refocus you when bad things happen?" I asked. It had helped calm her down when she lashed out at Tanya.

Bella nodded.

I got greedy and pressed a soft kiss to her hairline. "Then I won't let anything bad happen. I promise."

She still hesitated, sad black eyes too scared to look at me. "I don't want to hurt you."

I gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm more durable than I look."

She still wasn't convinced.

My palm slid to her chin, tilting her head up. "You need to hunt, love. It will be okay."

Bella nodded, taking a few large steps away from me. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. I took a couple large steps back. It didn't matter whether it was a gifted vampire or not, we all felt threatened by the presence of another one of us when we were hunting.

Her eyes snapped open a moment before she disappeared into the woods. I followed at a safe distance, amazed as she bypassed the duo of caribou in her hunt for the bear. She was beautifully brutal when she found him.

He was a good six, maybe seven hundred pounds with claws that should have shredded her skin like butter. Her clothing fared slightly better this time, now that her instincts were in charge and she took him down without a second thought, but the bear still made a few futile swipes.

The earth shook slightly, growing stronger the longer she fed.

The rumbling of the ground subsided once the beast was drained. Bella stumbled back a few steps and looked down at herself. There were a few tears in the thighs of her jeans, and a good rip along her shirt at her abdomen. She looked over at me with a beautiful, triumphant smile. "I didn't get any blood on me this time."

"It'll get easier," I told her with a smile. I approached her slowly, brushing my thumb under the faded shadow beneath her eye. Her irises were now a beautiful shimmering gold.

Bella leaned into my touch, eyes falling closed for a moment. Her voice was soft as she whispered, "Thank you."

Miss Americana—

We walked hand in hand to her meadow. It was a few miles, and walking at a somewhat-human pace took time, but I didn't mind. Bella's fingers tentatively squeezed mine every few minutes.

It was a bright, beautifully sunny day by the time we got to the meadow. Bella sat down in the middle of the wildflowers, eying me hesitantly as I laid down beside her. I leaned back, nudging her back with my knee as she leaned gently against my legs.

Bella fiddled with the tear in her jeans. "Will you–will you tell me about yourself?" she asked quietly.

I sent her a smile and held out my hand. She already knew everything there was to me.

She shook her head. "I've seen… things. But, would you tell me?"

"Alright," I said, settling onto my back. I held my hand out to her still, until she gently took it between both of hers. Mostly because I was getting far too greedy for her touch, giving her a more complete view of my story was only an afterthought. My eyes closed as I enjoyed the gentle patterns she traced in my palm.

"I was born in Chicago in 1894," I started quietly. "My parents were Edward and Elizabeth Masen. My father was a lawyer, a rather successful one. We were a very fortunate family. I don't remember a lot of details about my parents, but I know I cared very deeply for them. One of the only times I betrayed them was when I chose to go to medical school instead of law school."

I snuck a peak at Bella, seeing her stare down at me with rapt attention. I smiled to myself, closing my eyes again.

"I thought doctors would be more useful in the war, you see. We knew it was coming, and it worried both of my parents. I graduated from medical school just a few months before World War I started."

Bella let out a small gasp.

"I enlisted immediately, my second betrayal of them. I tried to sooth my mother, telling her I wouldn't be near any harm, only helping those who had. It was a lie, of course, but I didn't want her to worry too much. I had always wanted to help, the community, the country. It's hard to describe, but I always felt like I had a bigger purpose; one that would help people, contribute to the greater good. I couldn't fathom sitting in a stuffy law office while others fought. Enlisting was an easy decision for me."

"Did you, well, I mean, you weren't ever married?"

I opened my eyes to see an adorably bashful Bella staring down at me. Were she human, I had no doubt a beautiful blush would color her cheeks. "No. My mother tried many times, thinking if I had a wife and a family I might not be so quick to run off to war, but no one ever interested me. I've been waiting quite a while for you," I told her with a wink.

Her face lit up, a smile bright enough to threaten my long-silent heart with a beat.

"I didn't last in the war for long. I got injured about six months in. Nearly lost my leg. I remember working on it myself after the explosion. Next thing I knew I woke up in a hospital. Then another. Then I was in Chicago again with my mother fretting over my bedside."

"You worked on it yourself?"

I pressed my lips together, trying to find the least gruesome way to explain. It was fruitless, obviously, as she saw every thought that floated through my head. Had every memory at her disposal. "Just tried to keep things… together for as long as possible. It worked, evidently. Long enough for me to get back to the states and to Carlisle Cullen who miraculously saved my leg."

I heard her gasp again.

"I was discharged from the army, much to my frustration and my parents' joy. It was mid-1915 when I was home for good. Another six months before I could do more than grumble from a hospital bed. I was back on my feet by 1916 and working alongside Carlisle in the hospital in Chicago.

"He was–is–a miraculous physician. Of course, now I know much of it is because of his superior senses, but it was amazing to learn from him. Most people were nervous around him, but I constantly pestered him for whatever knowledge he could give me."

I heard Bella's lips separate, prepare to ask a question, and smiled to myself.

"I still never married. I was probably the oldest bachelor in Chicago, but I was very fulfilled with my work. My parents were proud of it and stopped harassing me with surprise guests whenever I joined them for dinner. Both were relieved enough that I had gotten discharged from the army to leave me alone in the marriage regard. Then, the Spanish Flu hit Chicago in September of 1918."

"The Spanish Flu…" Bella muttered.

"It was quick. So quick no medical degree was good enough to try and save most people. My father went first. Within hours of getting ill. He never even made it to the hospital. My mother did, though. I tried everything I could for her until my own fever spiked.

"Carlisle looked over us, I remember that. I was delirious from the fever most of the time, but he was always there. My last human memory is him telling me my mother was gone."

"I'm sorry," Bella whispered sadly.

I squeezed her hand. "He said my mother begged him to save me. Him, specifically. However he could, as if she knew what he could do. And we had become good friends, Carlisle and I. He was lonely, and he knew I had no one besides my parents. He made the quick decision to change me, mimicking the wounds he had gotten when he was changed. It took longer than usual, he's gotten better at it since from what I can tell. My change was nearly four days."

I realized the mistake as soon as the words were out of my mouth. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"It's not. Your change–"

"Isn't part of the story," Bella said firmly.

I sighed, but continued. "I was with Carlisle for about ten years after my change. I was with him when he found Esme, helped them navigate her newborn phase. But I grew… bored. And I rebelled. Used my gift to hunt only the most despicable humans until not even human blood was enough of a payoff for the nomadic life. I was on my way back to Carlisle when Alice found me."

"And I ruined everything."

I sat up quickly, lifting her chin and forcing her eyes on me. "You ruined nothing, Isabella. Nothing."

She didn't argue, but didn't look at all convinced.

"Your turn," I said, hoping a change of subject would get her to smile again. I had seen her story through her memories last night, but I still wanted more. Wanted everything.

Bella playfully rolled her eyes as I lounged back into the grass. "It's nothing compared to the war hero's homecoming."

I smiled up at her. "I was hardly a war hero, but I do appreciate the ego boost."

I waited patiently. Bella drew circles in my palm.

"My story really is nothing special. My parents divorced when I was little. I spent most of my time with my mom, who needed me to take care of her more than I needed her to take care of me. I did okay in school. I liked history the best.

"Then, Mom got remarried and I decided she needed some space so I moved to Forks to live with my dad. I met Alice and the Cullen's and…"

Her fingers froze against my palm. I grabbed them and gave them a squeeze.

"There is one thing. I…" Bella hesitated, eyes focused so intently on my face I might have blushed if I were human. "I think I might have been searching for you my entire life."

"What do you mean?" I asked, throat tightening.

"I loved history," she repeated hesitantly. "I loved learning about World War I. I'd spend hours reading stories of soldiers and their accounts. Especially… the doctors out in the field. I was always drawn to it, studied it even outside of what school required. The 1918 pandemic was also a favorite topic of mine. I don't know why. I just felt very…compelled to know as much as I could about it."

I stared up at her, frozen.

"Last summer, Mom and I took a spontaneous trip to Chicago. And I… the house in your memories… Mom and I took a picture in front of that very house. It's updated, of course, but it's the same. I know it."

The silence between us was thick but not uncomfortable.

"I was going to backpack through Italy after I graduated high school."

I sat up, fingers brushing into her hair as my forehead pressed against hers. It took every ounce of willpower not to press my lips to hers. "You're my mate," I told her gently. "No matter what, we would have found each other."

"It doesn't seem all that fair," she breathed out. "That you had to go through all of that, had to wait for so long, when I didn't."

"You're here now," I murmured, my lips brushing just a fraction of an inch away from hers. "That's all that matters."

Bella leaned forward, soft lips barely grazing mine before I forced myself back.

The hurt was clear on her face.

I stroked my thumb over her bottom lip. "You greatly underestimate my self control, love. Once I kiss you, I won't be able to stop. One kiss will turn into two. Then I–"

There was nothing I could do to stop the images my mind conjured up. While I might have tried to be the perfect gentleman in my ninety-plus years of existence, I was still a man. And I was still a newly mated vampire who had to constantly fight the urge to take. To claim what was mine.

"Oh," Bella sighed, eyes wide and locked on mine.

It did nothing to break the rabbit hole of fantasies I had fallen into. Because I wanted to see the way those eyes widened in pleasure, get them to roll with it. I wanted to hear her whimper and beg for me. I wanted her taste on my tongue and her body beneath my own.

Her kiss took me by surprise, her lips soft and hesitant at first. Unsure. Until I lost the small hold I had on myself. The one I had kept for the last ninety years.

Her wild and unruly and beautiful wavy strands of hair glided between my fingers when I locked her in place. My tongue brushed against her soft lower lip. Bella opened her mouth to me, the concentrated taste of her unleashing every primal instinct I had.

I had her in the grass beneath me in a single smooth movement. Our kiss never broke, Bella's hands now tangled in my own unruly hair to keep me close.

I had a single second of clarity and pulled away from her and took in those wide, deep amber eyes.

"Don't stop," she answered my unspoken question, a strong grip on my hair tugging me back to her lips. "Never stop."

Her shirt was easy enough to tear away, the task already started by the bear. Her bra was worth hardly a flick of my wrist. My lips never left her skin, brushing down her neck and across her collarbone, constantly getting distracted on a precious curve or taste that required my utmost attention.

One hand was braced in the ground beside her shoulder, my fingers gauging a chunk out of the earth as the other slid up along her waist, over and over to memorize every delicate inch.

I reluctantly pulled my lips away from her skin to take her in; to appreciate the way her hair fell against the grass and the unsteady rise and fall of her chest as she struggled to figure out whether to bother with breathing. My hand slid up her waist, the tips of my fingers brushing against the side of her bare breast.

Bella whimpered, squirming in the grass.

I cupped her breast in my palm, groaning at the sight of both of her pale pink nipples hardening. My thumb brushed over one as I leaned forward and flicked the other with the tip of my tongue.

A growl scratched at the back of my throat. My grip on her tightened, my teeth scraping over her hardened peak before my tongue flattened against it.

I was on my back immediately, Bella tossing the scraps of my shirt aside. Her fingers intertwined with mine, slamming our hands into the grass as she leaned down and captured my lips in another kiss.

Her hips rolled against my cock where it ached for her. She growled into the kiss, repeating the motion. Her grip on my hands tightened until we both heard—and I felt—the bones in each of my hands splinter.

Bella pulled away with a gasp. All of the lust disappeared from her face, replaced by undiluted horror.

"I'm sorry," she gasped, pulling her hands away from me. "I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry."

I gave my hands the few seconds they needed to heel the splinters before lifting one up for her to see. "It's okay. See?"

Bella shook her head. "I don't want to hurt you," she whispered sadly.

I tried to give her a reassuring smile. "I'm more durable than I look," I reminded her.

I was rewarded with a small smile. I showed her just how healed my hands were by pulling her down for a kiss, never breaking it as I rolled her back into the grass. Her jeans tore like tissue beneath my fingers.

"Isabella," I breathed out against her lips. My palms trailed down her face and across her collarbone. I memorized every divot and curve until I got to her hip. The remaining scrap of black cotton around her waist was gone before I hooked her thigh around my hip.

Any lingering doubt brought on by my minor injury was forgotten. Her eyelids fluttered when I pressed myself against her center. I felt her heat through the thick material of my jeans, too impatient to tear them out of the way myself.

I growled against her neck when she squirmed underneath me. Her hands, very obviously hesitant to touch me with too much force, tore my remaining clothing to shreds.

"Please," she begged, whimpering when my cock brushed up against her.

She was warm and wet and mine. Forever. She would be mine forever.

It didn't seem like enough time, but I would take it.

"Edward," she whimpered, fingers tugging at the ends of my hair. "Please."

I cupped her cheek with my palm. "I love you."

A brilliant smile lit up her face. "I love you."

Nothing else in the universe mattered.

We let out matching guttural groans as I slid inside of her for the first time, both of us losing out to the basic instinct to take and claim and possess. Bella's legs wrapped around my waist, her hips attempting to match me thrust for thrust until my deep growl vibrated against her neck.

She came on my cock, tearing her hands away from me and digging them a good six inches into the ground. Her scream as she did so was beautifully feral.

I never stopped. Even as I came inside her with the primal satisfaction that she was marked with my release it wasn't enough.

Bella moaned out at every firm, hard thrust. Never backing down, always taking everything I gave her with an impatient whimper.

The ground constantly rumbled to life beneath us as the hours passed. Bella grew more confident in her ability to touch me without hurting me—or simply more impatient. She was the most beautiful creature in existence, riding my cock until she came with a deep growl.

Time passed but it did nothing but spur each of us on. It didn't lessen the need, only enhanced it. I did manage to take her slowly a few times, enjoying every little sound that got caught in the back of her throat and watching the way her pleasure danced across her face.

"Edward," she purred against my ear. Her face brushed against mine. Marking me with her scent, as if I wasn't already saturated in it.

I slammed into her with a growl. I hooked her knee in the crook of my elbow, opening her up further and taking her until she came with a lovely cry as I emptied myself inside of her again.

Bella pushed me onto my back, wiggling herself on my lap. Staring up at her was the first time I noticed the sun had set. Long ago, given how black the sky was now.

My palm cupped her cheek, looking at those deep, black eyes. "You need to hunt," I told her.

She let out a dissatisfied grunt.

I leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. Disentangling myself from her was harder than I ever could have imagined it would be. I had just spent countless uninterrupted hours inside of her, and it suddenly felt like it had been decades since I had her.

I stood us up, not willing to let too much distance get between us in the process. My palms ran over her bare arms, along her neck until they got to her hair. That beautiful, wild mane of hair of hers that I adored. It was currently a tangled mess full of flowers and grass.

"Perhaps a shower first," I chuckled, smiling down at her as I plucked out an errant blade of grass.

A/N: An early update to say thank you for reading :) The response to this story makes me giddy with each chapter I post. I'm so happy you guys are enjoying this one. Thank you for all of the kind words! I'll see ya next time!