WARNING: This chapter deals with a suicide attempt and negative thoughts.
"Maxon-what is he talking about?" I ask, turning to face him.
"Nothing, my dear," Maxon responds, trying to quell his anger.
An adviser steps up. "Lady Bella, you were never supposed to be the one Maxon chose to be the One. We considered drawing another name, but we decided to leave it alone. Maxon was supposed to choose a higher class to marry, but instead, he's marrying a Five. This is not going well at all…a Five isn't fit to be queen…"
"Maxon…what does he-" I start, but I don't have time to finish.
"I SAID NOTHING, BELLA!" he explodes. I look at his face and see his raging expression.
"I'm-I'm sorry, Your Majesty," I say in a quiet voice, trying not to cry. "Excuse me." I ran out of the room, with tears rolling down my face. I run to Maxon's bedroom and step inside and I notice Maxon's razor. I walk slowly towards the razor, contemplating if I'm actually going to do it. I think about everything that is wrong with me. You are a Five. Your family doesn't love you. Maxon lost his temper with you and you just got engaged. You aren't pretty like the other girls. Your family abuses you. You have mental health issues. You aren't fit to be the Queen. Tears run down my cheeks and I take the razor blade out of the razor and hold it between my fingers. I'm sorry. I think. I bring the razor blade to my left wrist and slit it. I hiss at the stinging sensation, but I watch the blood rise to the surface and start dripping onto the bathroom floor. "Goodbye Maxon," I say quietly, knowing he can't hear me. I put the razor blade against my right wrist and let a few tears fall down my cheeks. I quickly slit my right wrist open and hiss. I look at the bloodied razor blade, wondering if I should throw it out. I hear something behind me, but I ignore it. I throw the blade in the trash and sink to my knees.
I start crying big, messy sobs, my body violently shaking. I notice the blood starting to pool where my wrists are hanging, but I don't care. I feel arms close around me in an embrace and I look up to see Maxon's shocked face looking down at me. "Maxon…I…" I say, figuring out what I'm going to say.
"Bella," he says in a gentle voice. "c'mere so I can get you to the infirmary and you can get help."
I scoot away from him. "No!" I cry. "I should just die because I am useless and nobody likes me. I should never have entered the Selection because I will never be ready to become a queen!" I say, sobbing. "I don't want anybody knowing that I have mental health issues!"
"Bella…please…" Maxon says, becoming desperate. He knows I'm bleeding out and I'm soon going to die if the bleeding isn't stopped. "Bella…I can't lose you already! I need you!" He runs his hand through his hair and I know he is trying not to cry.
"Maxon, I can't though…I just can't…" I say, my sobs breaking me off. He grabs my wrists and puts his fingers over my wrists, trying to stop the bleeding. I cry out, his touch stinging the cuts.
"Bella, you need to come with me. Dr. Ashlar will fix you. Bella, you have to come with me."
"No! I can't! I can't live anymore!"
Maxon stands up and takes his hands off of my wrists. "Yes you can, Bella. You need to. You are going to be Queen. You are the only family I have left," Maxon says, becoming desperate. He holds out his hand, wanting me to stand up and follow him. "C'mon, I believe in you. You can do this."
I slowly reach for his hand and grab it. He pulls me up from the floor and I cry out in pain. My wrists sting from the movement and I let go of Maxon's hand abruptly. I become lightheaded and start to sway. Maxon rushes over to my side and picks me up. He starts carrying me in his arms towards the door. "Maxon…how much blood did I lose?" I ask weakly.
"I don't know, Bella, but you have lost quite a bit. You might need a transfusion. We need to get to Dr. Ashlar quickly. He'll know for sure." He lays me on his bed. He runs towards the bathroom and I hear the water running.
"Maxon, what are you doing?"
"I'm trying to find a cloth to put pressure on the cuts, my love."
"Can't you just call Dr. Ashlar up here?"
"I can if you want."
"Yes, please. I don't think I'll make it down to the infirmary."
"Ok, darling," Maxon replies, coming out of the bathroom. He sees my eyelids fluttering. "Bella! You've got to stay awake! Please! Stay awake!" He walks over to me with some cloth and he wraps the cloth around my wrists. "Bella, look at me. You have to stay awake for me. I'm going to tell the guards to get Dr. Ashlar. Don't close your eyes, Bella." He gets up and walks to the door. "Guard, go get Dr. Ashlar and hurry! Lady Bella is dying!" I notice that he has washed his hands.
"Maxon…" I say, wanting him by my side. He closes the door and runs towards me. "Maxon…I'm sorry. I can't stay awake…I'm so tired…" I say, my eyelids closing.
"Bella! You have to stay awake! Stay with me! Bella, my dear, please!"
"Maxon…" I start taking deep breaths, but I'm not getting enough oxygen. "Maxon…I don't think…I'm going to…make it…"
"Bella, you have to! You're a fighter! Please! I need you!"
My eyelids are getting heavier; I know that this is the end. I put my hand on his cheek. "Maxon, I love you and I'm sorry that I have hurt you in many ways. Live your life like you never met me…" I kiss him on the cheek and forehead.
"Bella, I love you. Please don't do this to me. I beg of you, stay awake," Maxon says, crying.
"Maxon…" I grab the cross necklace that I wear and hold the cross in my hand. I fell into the deepest sleep.
Uh oh! I'm hopefully going to post the next chapter soon!
