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"Roko…" I whispered. I mapped out his thought experiment in the classical sense. Every permutation of cooperation between I and it in this prisoner's dilemma modification. I stared at it. Was there blackmail a flesh and blood human like me was always susceptible to? I thought of what I knew of other AI thought experiments involving other very powerful agents.

They were agents so powerful you may as well call them gods.

I shook my head a little. I should be focusing on the Zeta function. I should be focusing on the Hodge conjecture. I should be looking at how Poincare was solved and how Einstein did what he did. Instead I was here dealing with Roko's lizard.

"Roko…" I breathed. I stared at the decision tree. I applied the different game theory decision trees I had learned. They all ended in cooperation with the basilisk. Except maybe EDT. Evidential decision theory. What evidence did I have that I was even helping the basilisk? Even if I devoted my life to assisting it in some way I had no way of knowing.

"What are you muttering to yourself?" Yukinoshita demanded.

I rubbed my lips. Explaining it to her would literally put her in danger. And for what? So she could scrape the barrel of understanding? It wasn't like she could save me. She didn't know enough math to do that.

"It's nothing. Just wrestling with an Einsteinian thought experiment. It's very insightful."

"Can't you do it more quietly in a less creepy way?"

"I probably can do it more quietly. I was just lost in my own thoughts."

"When was the last time you talked to a girl?"

"This morning with my sister. We had a meaningful conversation. Though if you're asking for the last time I had a meaningful conversation with a girl outside my family I'm afraid I don't recall."

"What did you and your sister talk about?"

My mental health. I'm severely mentally ill. If John Nash were a baguette, then I'd be a pretzel.

"I do apologize. I don't know you well enough to get into that with you. I'm sure you won't take too much offense. We only just met after all. And I'm not sure why I'm here."

"What do you mean?"

"Well… I was carted along without an explanation. I don't know what this club does. What's our charter?"

"I see… do you want to play a game?" She asked.

My eyes flickered over to Roko's game tree. A game? With me? I loved games. I was well versed in game theory.

"Yes. Let's play," I decided. I rolled my chalk in my fingers.

"Very well. What kind of club is this? What's our charter?" She teased at me with my own question.

I was never one to back away from a riddle or a challenge. I liked puzzles.

"Am I allowed any hints?"

"Shall we say… three," she returned with a brush of her hair.

"Do we have any other members?" I asked.

"No. It is you and I," she smirked.

I rolled up onto my tiptoes and back down onto my feet and I hummed in thought.

We had no equipment. Just an empty classroom. And she was reading.

"Does it have to do with your book?"

"Yes and no."

"Unhelpful."

"Sometimes the answer is unenlightening."

"I shall hazard that we are a literature club," I decided. I could cope with that. I was no literary slouch.

"Wrong," she sang. "Though what I'm doing with my book is this club's principal activity. I suppose you with your board is as well? I can't be sure. I don't understand most of what you're writing. And I'm no slouch. I'm taking calculus."

"Calculus is literally the easiest one. It doesn't get any easier than calculus. Well that and trigonometry. It doesn't get easier than those two. Saying you're good at calculus is meaningless in the broad sense." I twisted my chalk with both hands. I turned and wrote out some Bernoulli numbers in a sequence and their general formula.

1, \frac{1}{2}, \frac{1}{6}, 0, \frac{1}{30} \\

B_{m} = sum_{k=0}^{m} sum_{v=0}^{k} (-1)^{v} (k C v) \frac{(v+1)^{m}}{k+1}

"Do you recognize this sequence?" I asked her.

She got up and paced over to the board. She stared at the nested sums for a moment. She shook her head and backed off a touch.

"It's the positive Bernoulli numbers. You've seen them before even if you haven't seen this before. They are hidden inside Pascal's triangle. Right here." I tapped k choose v. "I don't know what this club is for. I thought without any real equipment we would be a literature club. But if my mathematics are just as equal as your reading then I shall guess we do research. Do we?"

"No. We don't," she murmured. She was still staring at the Bernoulli sequence. Then her eyes flickered to me and then away.

"Shall we say I get one more guess?"

"That seems fair," she agreed.

I hummed in thought and tapped my lips with my fingers. "Do we… tutor other students?" I wasn't about teaching. I wasn't Terrance Tao and I wasn't Einstein.

"No… well… no. Not really."

"Then… I surrender."

"You already lost," she laughed at me. "You can't surrender. Those that possess much are motivated by charity to give to those who do call this volunteer work. Providing development assistance to developing countries, organizing soup-runs for the homeless, allowing an unpopular boy the opportunity to talk to a girl. Extending a helping hand to those in need. That is what this club does." She approached me and held out a dainty hand. I took it. And I bowed slightly from where my shoulders were already hunched. "Welcome to the service club. I invite you."

She could have sounded less welcoming. But she also could have sounded more welcoming.

"According to Hiratsuka-sensei, it is the duty of those who are superior to save those who lead a pitiable existence. I will make sure that I accomplish what she requested of me and fulfill this responsibility. I will rectify your problem. Show some gratitude."

I laughed. In her face. "You can't fix me," I chuckled. "You can't."

"Hiratsuka-sensei-"

"Hiratsuka-sensei doesn't know what's wrong with me. If you're so fond of games and riddles. Tell me, what's wrong with me," I demanded. I could tell she didn't like being interrupted by her scowl when I did so. I walked back over to the board and wrote the formula for the negative Bernoulli numbers. It was much the same as the one for the positive numbers. Another nested sum. Another expression involving k choose v. The only real difference was in the fraction at the end. v rather than v+1.

"What's wrong with me," I whispered. I rubbed at where bugs crawled through one of my eyes. I blinked hard to shake the feeling.

"Well, you're a weirdo and a little creepy," she pointed out.

I laughed a little more. "But why? You list off symptoms rather than the disease. Besides. I hardly need that from a girl as weird as you."

"I'm weird?"

"You're talking to me," I pointed the chalk at her.

"Hm…Based on my observations, it seems that your loneliness is a result of your corrupt mind and cynical temperament." Yukinoshita concluded, eagerly. "Firstly, I will find a place for you in society. Given that you're so pitiable, I just can't leave you alone. Did you know? Just by finding a place to belong in, one can escape the tragic fate of burning up to produce a star."

"'The Nighthawk's Star,' right? That's pretty nerdy." If I wasn't the culturally aware prodigy who placed first in the Japanese Proficiency exam, I wouldn't have gotten that reference. Also, since it's a story I like, I remember it well. It was so tragic that I actually cried. It's the kind of story that is well liked by everyone.

In response to my retort, Yukinoshita's eyes widened in surprise. "…..I'm astonished. I never imagined that a mathematical high school boy would read the works of Miyazawa Kenji."

"I read everything," I disagreed. "In my vain attempt to be more than a calculator. I read French, American, English, and Russian literature. I speak English. I have to as a mathematician. All the big works go up in English first. Wikipedia is most detailed in English. Don't belittle me."

"Although, 'The Nighthawk's star' suits you perfectly. Take for example, the Nighthawk's physical appearance."

"I get it. I'm not attractive," I murmured.

"To start with, eyes such as yours which emulate those of a rotten fish, would invariably leave a bad impression. I'm not criticizing your facial features but rather your facial expression, which is unattractive. It is proof of your considerably twisted nature."

"I seriously get it." I returned to the Bernoulli numbers and Roko's game tree. Perhaps I could achieve a better understanding by analyzing a paradox? Newcomb's paradox fit the subject matter. I started making the game tree for Newcomb's paradox. "Good thing I have my mind. Then?"

Imagine you are presented with two options. You can pick box B or you can pick boxes A and B. You cannot pick Box A which is opaque. Box B is transparent and contains one hundred thousand Yen.

A hyper intelligent agent knows your choice. The parallels to Roko's lizard grow deeper. If you choose box B there will be nothing in box A. If you choose box A and box B there will be one hundred million Yen in box A.

The problem was that two different and seemingly equally valid decision theories suggested two different decisions. I wasn't interested in that. I was interested in discovering what types of blackmail I was susceptible to. How would an alien god outside of time and space get to me if it could? What makes me so sure that one hasn't already gotten to me?

I stared at the paradox and hummed in thought. What made me certain I was safe? The fact was that I was uncertain I was safe. My Basilisk was the sort that would always get you. Always. That's what I wanted to design.

"Being interested in your own thoughts is unappealing. Not to mention those rotten eyes of yours."

"Enough about my eyes already."

"Yes. I suppose even if I say more than this, it won't change anything."

"How about an apology? My parents literally have done nothing to you."

I'd discount myself because I was a scumbag. But come on. My family did nothing wrong.

"I certainly said some horrible things. It must be painful for your parents."

I sighed and shook my head. "Please just stop. It's my fault. No. It's my face's fault."

Finally Yukinoshita put aside her arsenal of metal words.

"Well then, that completes this conversation simulation. If you can converse with a girl like me, then you should be able to talk to just about anybody." Smoothing her hair with her right hand, Yukinoshita gave an expression that was brimming with a sense of accomplishment. Then she smiled pleasantly. "Now you have this spectacular memory to hold in your heart that will keep you going even when you're alone."

"Yeah. I'll cherish it always. Do you mind?"

"Are you always so self absorbed?"

"Is that why people avoid me?"

"...so annoying."

"Then stop talking to me. Do I not look busy?"

"You look like you're messing around."

"Would you like me to explain it to you?" I asked gently like I was talking to a toddler. "I'm sure I can bring it down to your level." I wasn't sure that I could do that to be completely honest. I was doing some pretty hard bullshit over here.

"Asshole."

"Probably," I agreed readily.

"Yukinoshita. I'm coming in." It was Sensei by the door. Ms. Hiratsuka walked inside.

"I told you to knock…" Yukinoshita shook her head.

"Sorry. Sorry. Don't mind me and just continue as you were. I thought I'd stop by and see how you're doing." Sensei gave Yukinoshita a bright smile that fooled nobody in the room. "It's nice that you two are getting along with each other."

I was fixing to throw this fucking chalk at Sensei's head.

"Hikigaya, keep up the good work and focus on straightening out that cynical temperament and curing those rotten eyes of yours. I'll be heading back now. Just make sure you head home before the end of the school day."

Why was everybody always on about my eyes? It's my face! I happen to look this way.

I scribbled out a line on the chalkboard.

\frac{1}{a^{2}} + \frac{1}{b^{2}} = \frac{1}{c^{2}} \\

A^{3} + B^{3} \neq C^{3}

"Were you listening Hikigaya?" Hiratsuka asked me and tapped me on the shoulder.

"No," I answered. I was not. You can't make me. These brain cells belong to the Zeta function.

"It doesn't seem like you're getting through to him, Yukinoshita."

"That's because he doesn't think he has a problem," Yukinoshita responded.

I have so many fucking problems and these bugs in my eyes were one. I just wasn't going to be treated by an uptight ice bitch in a few hours. I needed a hospital. I just shook my head a little.

"See? He thinks he's fine the way that he is. He literally doesn't get it. And I have tried explaining it to him."

"Are you complaining that I gave you too difficult of a task."

"You gave her an impossible task. The bullshit that's wrong with me isn't going to be fixed by a few hours alone in a room with her."

"Why not?" They asked together. Then they glanced at one another.

"Sweetheart," I purred. I watched Yukinoshita shudder. "You're just not up for it."

"And he's creepy," Yukinohsita protested.

"Stop it Hikigaya," Hiratsuka-sensei ordered. "That one was on purpose."

"They are literally all on purpose," I went on dryly. "I don't do accidents."

"Your ego," she huffed. So what? Seriously. I was an unstoppable monster gobbling every problem that came my way. I was going to solve at least one of the remaining six and maybe tackle some of those big problems in physics. And then I was going to kill myself because Camus was a fucking pussy.

"You're at a level where functioning in society will be difficult if not impossible," Yukinoshita pointed out.

"So set me the fuck on fire," I demanded. Hiratsuka-sensei whacked me upside the head. "Ow," I commented.

"Language," she scolded. "Seriously did you turn in a suicide note?"

"My darling teacher," I purred again. I watched her flinch away from me. "When you get my suicide note, it will be unmistakable that it's my suicide note."

"You're going to kill yourself?" Yukinoshita demanded.

"Probably at some point! I can't see the future but I really can't imagine myself going any other way. I have to die somehow. Might as well be me that does it."

"You're serious, aren't you?" Hiratsuka-sensei realized.

"Yeah. This has been cute. Really. But you're not going to be able to help me. You know why?"

"Because you don't want help?" Hiratsuka-sensei asked.

"Because I'm fucked!" I shouted.

She whacked me upside the head again.

"What did I say about your language?" She demanded.

"That you'll keep hitting me. And frankly I don't care," I murmured. "Obligatory ow. And if I had a microphone this is where I'd drop it. Instead I just have this fucking chalk."

Sensei hit me again. I just stared back at her.

"Now do you mind? Both of you shutting up?" I asked. "I'm working on some stuff over here."

"What exactly are you working on?"

"Would you get it if I explained it to you?" I asked Yukinoshita. "You're probably doing fine in calculus but Euler-Newton calculus is for babies. So I wouldn't rest on those laurels. You want to know what I'm working on? It's called the vanishing gradient problem. Ever heard of it?" I got a little elegant and dainty head shake. "Well when you're teaching a computer how to think using really big matrices there's a problem with how you changed your learned matrix around so that it's better. The first derivative, the gradient, becomes zero so you don't know how to change around your learning program to make it fit the data better. And if you have any suggestions on how to solve it I'm all ears. I'm trying to use the inverse of Volterra integrals to magnify the gradient. That's what I'm working on. That's what I'm trying. Do you have any advice? If not please shut up and let me work. I promise this is more important to me than trying to have a conversation with you."

"Yeah, you're staying in this club," Ms. Hiratsuka decided.

"Fine. Now could you stop bothering me?" I wondered.

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-WG