Author's Note: In the last chapter, Saria returned to school following the winter holidays. What she had hoped would be an easy, trouble-free academic year soon turned to a nightmare as she was forced to confront a new enemy in the form of Ahtrai, who had recently moved to the district and almost immediately began to cause trouble. Now, as another school day nears its end, Saria must once again face more torment at the hands of her peers...
Once again, the usual disclaimers apply here. Firstly, I do not own the Kite Runner, or any of the characters, plot-points or such that may be found throughout the course of this story. Those are the intellectual property of Khaled Hosseini and I claim no ownership, nor am I attempting to make a profit off of them.
Secondly, I do not condone or encourage the thoughts, actions, feelings or behaviours of the characters in this story. This is simply a work of fiction, made manifest by a keen interest in criminal psychology and behind the scenes research done to the best of my ability. Please note that I do not, nor will I ever, condone any such behaviours in real life.
With that said, please enjoy this next chapter! As always, comments, reviews and feedback are more than welcome!
Fifteen more minutes, I told myself, my eyes darting back and forth between the clock that hung upon the wall, and the notepad that lay open upon my desk, filled to the brim with schoolwork and notes that I had taken just from this day alone. That's all that left, Saria. Fifteen more minutes of school, fifteen more minutes before the bell rings and you get to go home. Until you get to leave this hellhole and these morons behind, until you get to be with your brother again. You can hold on for that amount of time. It won't be long now.
It was only via these little self-made mantras that I was able to get through the long, tedious hours of the school day. Every so often, I would look up at the clock, take note of the time, and reassure myself that there would not be long left before I got to leave this place. Not long before I would be able to sequester myself within the comforting arms of my darling, to feel his gentle touch, hear his soothing voice again. Not long, also, before I could stop pretending to care one iota about whatever tedious pieces of information that Mermon Yashfa felt it prudent to deliver to her obedient students.
Today, we were rounding out our school-day with an educational deep-dive into Rhumi poetry. This seemed to be a favourite topic of our imam, out of all the others that she had seen fit to give us. Once we had finished with the typical lessons of arithmetic, history, and geography, she had made us take out our Rhumi books - which she had bade us take to school with us for today; despite how goddamn heavy they were - and flip to a poem entitled The Progress of Man. It might well have been one of the longest fucking poems in that entire book, and I found myself groaning internally as I scanned each line, knowing that no matter how much I wanted to lay my head upon my desk and just sleep, I would need to concentrate on what Mermon Yashfa was saying.
First, she made us listen as she read the poem in its entirety. Pausing between each line, her eyes darting about the room as she tried to catch the eyes of the thirty or so girls in her classroom, hoping that one of us might catch her attention and she could ask for an analysis on the line that she'd just read. But we were cleverer than that, wise enough to know that doing so would only cause what was already a truly boring lesson to drag on further, and so each of us kept our heads down, eyes fixed on our own books, scanning each line of the poem as Mermon Yashfa read aloud to us.
Once that part was done, she began yet another monologue - this time analysing the themes and meaning behind, I kid you not, every fucking word that she had just read. It was the most tedious, most pointless thing that I ever had the misfortune of listening to, and I found myself wondering, as I sat there, the palm of one hand pressed against my textbook to stop the pages from flipping closed, while the other gripped tightly to the pen I was using to take notes, if the imam even noticed that the poem she considered to be of such importance to teach her class, was nothing more than utter drivel. Each time that she quoted a line, or took apart a stanza, I wanted to politely but firmly tell her to shut her mouth, or, if she needed to talk, maybe she could put that energy into teaching us something useful?
But, of course, I valued my hide - and my ability to sit down - far too much to do so. And so, I merely listened as best I could, especially since Mermon Yashfa had mentioned that we may be tested on what we were currently learning. She did that from time to time, spending what one might only assume were hours creating and writing up quizzes that she would spring on us at a time in the not too distant future. As you might no doubt expect, my parents demanded that I kept up an average of at least ninety-percent in every test that I completed, and so, the instant that Mermon Yashfa dropped that hint about an upcoming exam, I tried as hard as I possibly could to take in every single word that she spoke, to write as many notes as I could, knowing that literally anything and everything might be quizzed someday next week.
Unfortunately, however, it was rather difficult to concentrate, because of was happening at the table next to me. It was a tradition, amongst the girls here, to select our desks early in the year, and not move from them - unless there was a good reason for it. Of course, given that Ahtrai had been directed to sit at the desk next to mine, that meant that I was now sandwiched in between her and Adia. And, being the little cow that she was, Ahtrai took it upon herself to exasperate me any chance she got.
Typically, that meant glaring daggers at me, every chance she got. She'd been here for long enough now to properly gauge that one did not, under any circumstances, interrupt Mermon Yashfa when she was teaching, or cause her attention to fall upon you in any way - and so Ahtrai merely narrowed her eyes, pursed her lip, and stared at me. I could feel her hatred boring into me, could feel the utter revulsion that she felt at being in my very presence. It was almost as if she wanted to burn a hole right through my flesh. But I reminded myself once again that there wasn't long to go before I could leave this place and not see Ahtrai for the rest of the day. It would be best to just ignore her, right?
Ahtrai didn't think so, it seemed. She wanted my attention, wanted me to pay heed to her ire, and she was utterly adamant that she was going to get it. When I didn't respond to her under-her-breath whispers of 'bitch, hey, hey, you stupid bitch!' - eloquent wording, I know - she began tearing up pieces of her own notebook, and flicking them at me. Flick, flick, flick, like tiny snowflakes. Most of the time, they landed on the floor next to my desk, and I absently kicked them to one side with the heel of my shoe. But there were a few little scraps of paper that did hit their mark, sticking to my dress and, on more than one occasion, even sticking to my hair.
I rolled my eyes, bringing a hand up to brush through my hair - kept neatly pinned back from my face by a navy band that matched my uniform - and watched as the tiny bits of paper fell onto my lap, where I then flicked them off of myself, watching with disdain as they landed upon the floor. Mermon Yashfa was still in the midst of her lecture, and not paying one bit of attention to what was going on just a few feet before her own eyes. I, therefore, decided this would be the opportune moment to let Ahtrai know just what a putrid cretin I thought she was.
Turning to face her, I narrowed my eyes, wrinkled my nose, and stuck my tongue out at her. Was I meant to be taking the high road and ignoring her? Yes. Was this an immature, childish action that, quite frankly, was rather unnecessary for me to take? Also... yes. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't give me an emotional boost to see Ahtrai's face contort in a look of disgust, to make her aware that the hatred she bore me was returned tenfold. Rolling my eyes, directly in Ahtrai's line of sight, I turned around, lifted my pen again, and continued my note-taking. Yet as I did so, however, I was no longer able to pay one iota of attention to what Mermon Yashfa was saying. My mind was filled only with irritation that Ahtrai was still picking on me.
It wasn't just in the classroom, either, oh no. No, she took her bullying out into the playground, too. Surrounded by her friends, who shall forever to me be known as the Posse of Dipshits, she took it upon herself to follow me, and Adia, wherever we went. If we attempted to get away, to hide ourselves on a more sequestered area of the playground, Ahtrai would command her lackeys to fan out, and hunt us down. Then, once she found us, she would corner and berate us with her verbal taunts and threats.
She hadn't actually been violent towards either of us since her first day, since she'd thrown me to the ground during recess. Perhaps she had become more aware of how strict Mermon Yashfa was, and didn't want to get into trouble. There was no way that she'd have been able to get away with blaming any injuries I might sustain from her on me being 'clumsy' more than once, and so, she kept her hands to herself. Clever girl. I did not want to risk either myself or my Assef by turning her into another Zainab.
But that didn't mean that she held back when it came to verbally expressing what she wanted to do to me and Adia. Practically every day, she was threatening to kick the shit out of us. Trying to exert her authority - or whatever authority that she thought she had - over her new 'victims', through the fear of physical punishment. Once, after she'd been particularly belligerent, I told her, in no uncertain terms to fuck off. She responded by grabbing me under the chin, turned my face to meet hers, and told me that if I ever spoke to her so disrespectfully again, she would 'beat you within an inch of your goddamn life, Saria. I swear, not even your own parents will recognise you. You understand me, you little bitch? You'd better learn your place before that happens.'
I just laughed it off, of course. Empty threats. That's all they were. Empty threats made by some pathetic fool who knew not that she was playing with fire. I knew there was no way that she would actually do anything to me. Like I said, she was too afraid of getting into trouble. She wasn't going to act out her threats, she just wanted to scare me. After all, what is the old adage? Sticks and stones may break my bones, but worthless threats only entertain me. Or... something to that effect.
But while I was able simply to roll my eyes in the face of Ahtrai's immaturity, knowing that I was in no true danger, the same could, unfortunately, not be said for little Adia. The instant that Ahtrai had made that threat against me, my best friend had clutched to my side, placing herself between me and my foe, looking up at Ahtrai with wide, petrified eyes. "Saria didn't mean that," she whispered. "And she's sorry, she's really sorry. It w-won't happen again, p-promise!" Part of me was furious that Adia had dared to apologise on my behalf; I felt no remorse for having stood up for myself. But then I saw the look that Adia was giving to Ahtrai, and how her eyes never left the other girl's closed fists, not once. I understood, then, that Ahtrai had really gotten under dear, sweet Adia jan's skin, and oh, how that became evermore true as the days all passed.
Adia wasn't like me, after all. She couldn't just compartmentalise Ahtrai's threats as I did, couldn't just pretend not to hear her. No, she was a timid, skittish little thing, and thus, every harsh word that Ahtrai threw at us, were ones that Adia took right to her gentle heart. She became even clingier towards me, now. From the moment I arrived at school, there she was, at my side, almost glued to me as we stood waiting outside the classroom door for our imam to let us in. Then, she cowered in her seat all throughout lessons, stealing fearful glances at Ahtrai each chance she got. And during recess? She never let me out of her watchful gaze for even the tiniest nanosecond - terrified of what might happen if she did.
She'd turned into my very own living shadow, and I should have been happy about this. I should have. Wasn't this just what I'd been asking for, what I had yearned for since meeting Adia? To have her as an obedient, devoted friend that hung on my every word, that trusted in me to keep her safe, to prevent any danger from befalling her? Of course I did. But I couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of trepidation that made its home in my gut each time that Adia would cling to me. Deep down, I knew that she was only doing this out of fear of Ahtrai, not for any true loyalty towards me. Honestly, I felt as if I wasn't nearly as powerful, not nearly as in control as I wanted to be.
I knew that Ahtrai didn't really have anything against my friend, though. No matter how much she claimed to hate her. It was me that she had truly set her eyes upon, me who's life she really wanted to ruin. Adia, poor girl, just happened to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time. But then... I wondered, my anxious mind racing, what if Ahtrai tried to steal Adia away from me? What if she tried to coax her over to her side, just to further isolate me from any emotional support that I would need to cope with her torments?
You can't have her, I thought, balling my tiny hand up into a fist that I kept clenched under the table. I've spent too damn long on Adia, too many hours I've put into shaping her into the friend that I want. She's mine, you little cunt, mine. You won't take her from me, Ahtrai, I swear, you'll be joining Zainab in the cold, damp earth before that ever, EVER happens.
The shrill ringing of the bell broke me out of my furious reverie. At last. The end of the school day. It felt like only moments ago that I'd said goodbye to my other half at the school gates and now, the time had come when I would finally get to see him again. I looked up at Mermon Yashfa, waiting for her to finish speaking, to give us permission to pack away our things and leave. She was one of those 'the bell doesn't dismiss you, I do' teachers, and it was one of the aspects of her character that I utterly and totally loathed.
None more so than in this moment, for so engrossed was she in her poetry analysis that she didn't even notice the bell had rung. A few of the other girls were already packing away their things, subtly closing up their notebooks and sliding their pens into their bags, quietly, of course, so as not to be caught, and I could tell that many hoped, just as I did, that the imam would shut her damn trap and let us out of this hellhole. Surely, Mermon Yashfa wanted to get out of this place, too, right? Surely she had a home to go to, a life outside of these four walls?
Almost as if she could read my thoughts, Mermon Yashfa closed her own Rhumi book, and placed it upon her desk. She stood, then, and made her way out from behind her desk. "I think we'll leave it there for today, girls," she said, and a collective feeling relief washed over the room. "I hope that you've all been taking plenty of notes on what was discussed here-" She tapped the book, looking at each of us in turn. "- We will be continuing this lesson tomorrow, and I expect all of you to have reread this poem, and be able to come to your own conclusion on its deeper meaning. Who knows, I might even choose someone to speak in front of the class, and give their interpretation on what we read today?"
Better not pick me, you old cow, I thought. Mermon Yashfa continued speaking, though she was now packing away her own things, and clearing her desk. A sure sign that the school-day had, officially, ended. "You all have, I'm sure, been taking note of the homework that is to be done tonight, and rest assured, I will be checking each and every one of your notebooks tomorrow to ensure that it is a completed to the very best of your ability. Now, with that said, have a nice day, girls, and I will see you all tomorrow."
"Thank you, Mermon Yashfa, see you tomorrow," we all responded in unison. And just like that, the room was filled with the sounds of thirty or so chairs being pushed back, and schoolbags getting picked up. The girls began chatting amongst themselves, but Mermon Yashfa paid them no real heed as she swept out the door and down the hall. For as strict as she was, the one credit that I must give our imam was that, once school hours had passed, she left us to our own devices. Maybe she just didn't care once it didn't involve a paycheck?
Whatever. It wasn't like I gave two fucks, anyway. I just wanted to get the hell out of this place, a sentiment that I knew was shared among the other girls. I watched, from the corner of my eye, as they all grabbed up their bags and hurried out the door. Now, the only people left in the room were myself, Adia, and Ahtrai. As I packed my bag, I glanced at Adia, offering her a reassuring smile. Her lips twitched, as she gave me one in return, but it didn't quite match her eyes. They were locked onto Ahtrai, blinking rapidly in an expression of her abject terror.
She hastily got her bag packed and slowly moved towards the door. "I need to go," she said, "my dad is waiting for me outside. I... I'll see you tomorrow, Saria." Then, before I could respond, she was out the door, her footsteps echoing down the hall until finally, she was out of earshot. I couldn't really blame her, now, could I? Poor, frightened dear just wanted to get as far from Ahtrai as humanly possible. Away from her frightening, menacing glare, away from the threats that I knew would now fall upon me.
I moved around to the front of my desk, with my satchel clutched in my hands. Flipping it open, I began to rifle through it, just to double check that I hadn't accidentally left anything behind. That I hadn't dropped a pencil or an eraser and forgotten about them. No, everything seemed to be where it should, and thus, it was finally time for me to leave.
Just before I could throw the strap of my bag over my shoulder, however, it happened. I felt a pair of hands on my back, their palms pressed just underneath my shoulder blades. Then, I was shoved violently forward. Being as tiny as I am, it was not all that difficult to manhandle me, and thus, with that little shove, did I fall against one of the desks, my side hitting its wooden edge and causing a burning pain to erupt as I collapsed onto the ground. My satchel dropped out of my hands and helpless, I watched as it clattered onto the floor, and my open pencil case rolled out, with pens, pencils, erasers, and other such items rolling across the floor.
"SHIT!" I exclaimed, slapping the floor with my palms. "GODDAMN IT! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!" A litany of curse words spewed forth from my mouth, unceasing, one after the other - such that do not bear repeating, in fact. I began crawling around on my hands and knees, scurrying across the floor and reaching under the desks to pick up the items that had fallen. As I did so, I could feel a presence, looming over me.
Three guesses as to who it was. And, indeed, three guesses as to who had done this to me. "Now, now, Saria jan," Ahtrai taunted, putting a mocking emphasis on that false term of endearment. "It's not ladylike to use such words, is it?" She clucked her tongue, reminiscent of Mermon Yashfa. "Best watch your language, little girl, or I'll have to punish you." I rolled my eyes at that and continued scrounging around to gather up my pencils and books. Ahtrai, however, wasn't done with her mockery. "You know, Saria, if you weren't such an idiotic klutz, then you wouldn't be in this mess, now would you?"
There was no way that I was going to keep quiet on this matter. Not when she was trying to make this out to be my fault. I whirled around on my knees, glaring up at her. "I don't see how I'm the one at fault here when you pushed me, Ahtrai," I retorted, keeping my voice level and calm. Well... as calm as was possible for me in the moment. "I know you did," I added, as she opened her mouth to retort. "You're the only person in the room with me, so don't you DARE try to play this off as being my error, when it goddamn fucking ISN'T."
Was my hair-trigger temper, one that I had surely inherited from my brother, getting the better of me? Was I overreacting to this? Possibly. Who's to say? But I couldn't just let Ahtrai mock me for being 'clumsy' when she was the one who had knocked me over. Bad enough that she had decided to make this physical (again), no way would she be permitted to speak to me in the way that she was. It was unacceptable, and I would not allow such disrespect to go on.
Ahtrai laughed, that high-pitched hyena cackle that made me yearn to do nothing more than claw her throat open with my bare hands, pull out her vocal chords and twist them around my fingers until she never darkened my life with her vile laughter or frightened sweet Adia with her cruel words again. She put her hands on her hips, tilting her head to one side as she gave me what she must have thought was a 'stern teacher' look, but really just made her look as though she had smelled something rather vile.
"Someone's got a nasty little temper, don't we?" she teased, bending down and leaning in close to me. So close, in fact, that I could feel her putrid breath upon my skin. "Calm down, Saria, my God, can't you take a joke, you freak?"
If that was her idea of a joke, then her sense of humour was sorely lacking. I balled my hands up into fists, wanting to punch her fucking lights out, but knowing that if I did retaliate, there was a strong possibility that Ahtrai would use that against me. That she would go crying right to Mermon Yashfa tomorrow and get me into a world of trouble. Both in school and at home.
No, I couldn't let that happen, regardless of how much this bitch pissed me off. Using all of my inner strength, I managed to keep myself in check, deciding that it was best to just keep quiet now and hope that she would get bored and leave me alone. So much easier said than done, though, as I watched Ahtrai bend as if she were going to pick up my notebook, then turn, look me right in the eye, and kick it clear across the room. Son of a- I internally swore, and then, my lower back exploded into a world of pain.
Ahtrai stepped over my prone form, and kicked me, as if I were nothing more than a piece of dirt that she wanted to move out of her way. "See you tomorrow, Saria!" came Ahtrai's taunting voice. With those parting words, I glared after her retreating form as she, finally, departed. Tears of frustration welled up in my eyes, and I let out an animalistic growl, one that came from deep within my being. Fucking bitch! Little fucking cunt! How dare she? How fucking DARE she?! I wanted to thrash every goddamn bit of this classroom, to rip it to shreds until it looked as though a tornado had hit it. Better still, I wanted to track Ahtrai down, beat her until she screamed for mercy, and then beat her until all she could do was scream, and then... then I wanted to claw her face to pieces with my bare hands and leave her mutilated corpse as a gift for her little friends to discover when they came to school tomorrow.
But, of course, this was all just wishful thinking. In reality, I would have to put these thoughts to the back of my head and focus on leaving this hellhole. A cursory glance to the clock on the wall showed me just how much time Ahtrai had caused me to waste, and again did yet more swears fall from my lips. I scrambled around, gathering up the bits and pieces of my school supplies that were lying across the classroom - including the notebook that Ahtrai had just kicked. Getting quickly to my feet, I stuffed everything into my bag, slung it across my shoulder, and left, not even caring one bit about closing the door behind me.
I walked briskly out of the school, and across the playground, which was now utterly deserted. Every step appeared to take far longer than I wanted it to, and part of me wondered if I'd ever get out of there. But finally, there loomed the wrought-iron gates. As I made my way through them, I noticed my brother standing, waiting for me. My Assef. My other half. The one goddamn person in this world that could soothe the ache that had taken form in the pit of my very soul. Finally, after all the hell that I had just gone through, I could be with him again.
Assef noticed me, and his eyes lit up. "Saria, there you are!" he exclaimed. He crossed the space between us in what appeared to be two nanoseconds flat, wrapped his arms around me, and drew me in for a hug, pressing his lips to the side of my head as he cradled me against his frame.
The entire world seemed to melt away in that moment, seemed to disappear entirely as I basked in the safety and warmth of being reunited with the other half of my soul - the half that they had dared to take from me for those dreadful hours that I'd been at school. Being with him, feeling his touch, hearing his voice, being able to listen to his heartbeat as he clutched me to him, it was like I'd entered into heaven itself. No, it was better than heaven, and I never wanted to pull away, never wanted to leave.
"I've missed you, Liebchen," Assef whispered into my ear. "What took you so long?" He meant it as a jest, I could tell, but unbeknown to him, hearing those words only served to make me feel guilty for making him wait. For having him stand out here for god knows how long while I couldn't even stop Ahtrai from harassing me. Anybody else would have just turned around and gone home, leaving me to walk back by myself, but not my Assef.
My stomach clenched in humiliation as the frustrations of the day began their return to haunt me. "I've missed-" my breath hitched. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Missed you too, Assef jan. I'm sorry for making you wait." Tears welled and stung in my eyes, and as I spoke, I heard my voice crack under the weight of the day's ever-boiling pressures. And then I was crying, sniffling and trembling like a pathetic baby.
Assef took notice of this, immediately. The moment that my voice cracked, the very instant that it seemed like there may be something amiss, he tensed up, a sharp breath escaping through his lips. He pulled out of our embrace, putting his hand upon my shoulder and placing a finger under my chin, which he lifted up so that I was looking at him in the eye. "Oh, Saria," he cooed, gently moving a lock of hair back behind my ear, "I'm not upset with you for being late, sister. You know I don't mind waiting for you. Not one bit; I was only teasing. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."
His words only served to compound my guilt even further. Damn it, Saria, I berated myself, crying like a fucking baby. And now look what you've done - you've got Assef feeling remorseful for something that isn't at all his fault. Could you be anymore useless?
"It's not your fault, Assef jan," I told him, in the strongest voice that I could muster, looking him pointedly in the eye. I wanted him to know. To believe me. To be reassured that he was not to blame for his little sister being a weepy mess. "You've done nothing wrong, I promise. I just..." The memory of what Ahtrai had done, of how humiliated I had been, of how foolish I was for not being able to fight back, all came to the forefront of my mind, and I wanted nothing more to unburden myself, to spill the details of every awful thing that had befallen me on this day. To share them with my other half, so that he would be able to offer me the reassurance and comfort that I needed.
But as I opened my mouth to do so, I looked behind me at the school gates that we remained stood outside. My eyes narrowed as I glared at the imposing, grey school, just beyond the playground. Even being in this vicinity to this hell was making me want to throw up. "It doesn't matter, Assef. It's... it's just been a shit day, that's all. Can we please just go home? I'll feel better when I get away from this place, I'm sure."
My darling arched a brow at me, his lips pursed. I could tell he wanted me to open up, for me to unburden myself of all that was making me feel so downtrodden. Then, he looked at me again, saw the desperation that I knew was shining within my eyes. He must have conceded that it was best not to pry, not at this very moment in time, anyway.
"Very well, Liebchen," he said, in a tone that indicated that we would be speaking further on this. "Probably best that we get home soon anyway, don't want our cunt mother sending out a search party, now, do we?" He chuckled slightly as he said this, and usually, any insults directed towards either one of our parents would have cheered me up exponentially, but right at that second, all I could manage was a slight quirk of my lips as Assef and I began our twenty-minute walk home.
We made our way through the streets, the silence between us a gaping chasm. How different this was from the way things had been this morning. Only hours earlier, and yet then... then, my beloved and I had conversed easily, happy to be with one another. There had been no weights placed upon my heart, no boiling rage that made me want to set the world to flame and watch as it all burned down to ashes.
But now... now... I could hardly think straight without wanting to yell and holler and throw myself down to the ground in a fit. I wanted to pitch a tantrum that would make any errant toddler proud, to open my mouth and scream until my throat bled and I could speak no more. Indeed, my rage must have been evident to my other half, for as we were about half-way into our journey home, he took my hand in his, rubbing his thumb along the back of it. The gesture made me jump slightly, so deep was I into my own furious reverie, and I turned to look up at my darling, who returned my confused gaze with a sympathetic one of his own.
He spoke carefully, his words measured and in German, as if perhaps worried that he might set off my waterworks if he did not get his dialogue just right. "Now, Saria," he said, "I know that something's wrong. I can see it in your eyes, little sister, and in how furious you are. You came out of school looking like you wanted to burn the place to the ground, and even now.." Assef rubbed my hand with his thumb, "you're so tense, my dear, so full of rage. Something happened to you, didn't it? To make you feel this way? Please tell me, Liebchen, I can't help you through this if I don't know what's wrong. Please, it's worrying me to see you like this."
It was clear that he wasn't about to let this go. Wasn't about to give up until he received the answers from me that he wanted. Until I gave him every sordid detail of what had transpired earlier in the day. And, well, maybe it would do me good to unburden my troubles, to share them with the one person who would not judge me, or deign to tell me what I should have done differently.
"You remember Ahtrai?" I asked, knowing that he would say yes. I had told my brother all about my newest enemy the very day that I'd had the misfortune to run into her. Now, he was about to hear yet more ranting and raving from his little sister.
Assef nodded. His eyes clouded over, a look of unbridled fury passing over his countenance. "I should have known," he murmured, "should have known that little cunt had something to do with it. She's been a thorn in your side ever since she arrived, hasn't she?" At my nod, he continued. "Well, tell me, Sar, what did she do this time? Did... did she hurt you again?"
"Got it in one, brother," I replied, with a bitter, mirthless laugh. "I mean, it's bad enough that the stupid wretch keeps poking and prodding me every fucking time that Mermon Yashfa's back is turned. Or that she spends recess threatening to kick the living shit out of me and Adia. Bad enough that I'm the one who has to deal with it when Adia nearly has herself a goddamn conniption each time Ahtrai opens her mouth. All of those things would've pissed me off, but she has to go and dial it up a notch today, doesn't she? She HAS to do what she did when classes ended."
"Which was?" Assef prompted me.
I squeezed my hand - the one that my darling wasn't holding - into a fist. "So she waits until everyone else's left, right? Of course she does, not like the coward's gonna risk getting herself into trouble with Mermon Yashfa. Anyway, we're the last two girls left, and I'm packing away my things. Just packing them away, trying to get the hell out of there. And she pushes me. I swear to fucking God, Assef, she just shoves me from behind, knocked me right over. Which means all my stuff rolls out of my bag and while I'm scrambling around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to pick them back up, this fucking WHORE is standing over me, gloating and saying shit about how I shouldn't be such a klutz."
Assef opened his mouth to speak again, but I cut across him before he had the chance. "'Watch where you're going, Saria,'" I mocked, in a high-pitched imitation of Ahtrai's nasally voice. "As if it's not her fault that I'm on the ground in the first place. But whatever. Eventually I manage to get my things in order, and just when I'm about to get up and leave, she throws my notebook across the room. Throws it, just fucking launches the damn thing, like she's going for gold in a fucking sporting event. And then when I try to get up, she kicks me in the back. Full force. Right here."
My tiny hand reached around to rub the offending area. It had stopped hurting quite as badly, though it still smarted a little when I made contact. I flinched, and my brother caught the look of pain on my face. He gently pulled my hands away from my back, so as to prevent me from causing myself any further injury. Yet if his behaviour with me was gentle, then the next words that came from his mouth were anything but.
"That fucking bitch!" he snarled, with as much venom in his tone as if it was he who had gone through this suffering. "That fucking disgusting, horrible, awful cunt! Where the hell does she get off, sis? Huh? Where the hell does she get off in treating you like this? I swear, Saria, I've got half a mind to track her down and smash every goddamn bone in her body, rip her apart so thoroughly that she never recovers. The idea that anyone would dare to lay their hands on my sister is just..."
He trailed off, and a stony silence hung in the air, both of us feeding off of the other's negative energy. I didn't need to be telepathic to know that my dearest was picturing enacting the violent revenge that he had just described upon Ahtrai. I was doing much of the same, after all. But the quiet didn't last long, as I came to fill it with yet more ranting and raving.
"I thought in the beginning that she might've been pissed at me 'cause I bumped into her that time we first met," I told Assef, as we turned a corner and walked through the market, where I glared daggers at every single person who had the misfortune to be in our way. "It was an accident, but... whatever. Maybe she just had a weird vendetta. But this has been non-stop for days, Assef. It's like... she looked at me and somehow made the decision that I'm an easy target. That I'm the person she ought to use as her damn punching bag."
Both figuratively and literally, I thought, rolling my eyes. "I'm sick of this, Assef, I'm just so sick and tired of being the victim in these circumstances. I really thought that when we got rid of Zainab, everything would get better. I hoped that maybe this year would be different. Isn't school bad enough, without having to deal with Ahtrai and her silly friends, constantly making fun of and laughing at me? I just... I hate this. I fucking HATE IT!"
The ferocity with which I yelled those words lingered long after I'd finished speaking. We turned down yet another road, and as we did so, I realised that it was the road that would lead us home. Our journey was practically at an end, and I had spend that entire time just bitching and moaning. Hadn't even bothered to ask my darling how his day had gone. Just launched straight into a tirade without once stopping to check whether he was okay or not. How utterly vile and selfish of me!
I mentally berated myself for my self-centred actions as I apologised profusely to my brother, eyes glistening with remorse. "I'm so very sorry, Assef jan, I got carried away. I didn't mean to make the entire walk home about me and my problems, everything just kind of... came out. Once I started I couldn't stop, and I know that's no excuse but-" A sigh escaped my lips and I lowered my gaze, perhaps on some level worried that Assef too might have come to the realisation that I was being selfish. "I didn't even ask how your day was, I'm really sorry."
"Oh, Saria," Assef whispered, pulling me towards him. He pressed his lips to the side of my head, looking at me with reassurance. "You don't need to apologise, not for getting things off your chest. I'd rather you shared things with me than letting them fester inside. Besides," he added, in an almost wistful tone, "I'd listen to that charming voice of yours for hours, you know that."
My cheeks flamed and I murmured a quiet 'thank you' to my brother. He smiled, and playfully tapped my nose. "If you must know, my day wasn't really that interesting, nothing worth talking about, really. I'd much rather help you through your problems, my dearest sister." Was he not the most incredible person in all the world? I felt myself almost swooning with gratitude for his selfless nature.
Assef and I continued our journey home, this time in peaceful quiet. I would not continue to harp on about Ahtrai. What point, indeed, was there in furthering my own ire? What was done, was done, and there was no way for me to go back in time and change it. All I could do now was press forward, enjoying the afternoon, those few short hours of freedom that I would have before the day began anew tomorrow.
Reaching the gates that lead to our compound, I glanced towards the driveway, noticing Mahmood's car parked there. I could only hope that I wouldn't need to speak to or interact with either of my parents today. The farther away from each other we stayed, the better. Bad enough that I'd have to contend with seeing them at dinner later, and at breakfast tomorrow morning before they took yet another weekend business trip. Alas, there was nothing that I could do to prevent that - though as my beloved and I made our way up to the door, and Assef retrieved the house key from his pocket, I couldn't help but wonder just how my parents would react if they knew what had transpired this afternoon.
Now, most parents would undoubtedly be furious to learn that their little girl was getting bullied. Most parents would go charging to the school, demand to see the headmistress, and not leave until something was done to nip Ahtrai's cruelty in the bud. They would do whatever it took to ensure that their child didn't have to suffer, didn't have to be the butt of someone else's cruel jokes.
Most parents. Not mine. They would be more like to scold and berate me for using foul language than they would to seek retribution against Ahtrai for pushing me down. No, it was best to just put my game face on - and that was exactly what I did as Assef unlocked the front door and pushed it open - wiping any feelings of anger or pain from my countenance. I plastered the sweetest, most demure look that I could possibly muster onto my face, in anticipation that we might run into either Mahmood or Tanya on our way in.
But... it would seem that was not to be the case. Walking inside, I noted that the downstairs hallway was empty. No Mahmood, no Tanya, indeed, not even Hamilra was in sight. I moved to the living room door, which was slightly ajar, and pushed it just so that I could peek inside. Nope. Nobody in there either. That meant that Mahmood was probably in his office, working yet again. And Tanya? Who knows, probably up in their room - it wasn't as if I cared to be perfectly honest. So long as they both stayed the hell out of my way.
"Saria," Assef said, catching my attention. I turned to face him, and he placed a hand on my shoulder. "Listen, sis... I can tell you're still boiling inside over what happened today. You need something to vent that frustration on. Or rather... someone." He grinned down at me, and his eyes glinted with malicious apprehension. "And, I know just the thing."
I stared into his eyes - that beautiful blue colour that I treasured so deeply - and saw the words that he had not spoken. Saw, reflected back at me, my own face, lips curling into a grin as I mouthed the words, 'Just Because.'
Assef cupped my chin in his hand, tenderly brushing a lock of hair behind my ear. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, then nodded, once. "That's right, Liebchen," he praised. "It's been so long since we've had the chance to show these pathetic fools just what we're capable of. Too long since we've had the chance to bond like this. So... why not, hmm? I've got a bit of homework I need to get done first, but once that's done, I'll come get you, and we can go have some fun."
"That sounds great, Assef jan," I said, unable to hide my excitement. My brother pressed another kiss to the side of my head, before moving away, in the direction of the kitchen.
"I'm gonna grab myself a quick snack," he told me, "you want anything?"
I shook my head, one foot already on the stairs. "No, thank you, Assef, I've got some homework of my own to get done, so I'm gonna make a start on that. I'll see you in a little while." Assef nodded, and I watched him disappear into the kitchen, before I made the journey upstairs. While normally my satchel and the knowledge that I had homework to complete would have undoubtedly weighed me down, the promise of a Just Because with my darling had put an extra spring in my step. I bounded up the stairs, filled with a newfound confidence.
My dearest always knew just what to say or do to make me feel better. He knew that nothing would truly satisfy my rage like being able to take out my frustrations out on some hapless, frightened victim. Only terrified screams and desperate pleas would calm my boiling soul. And, of course, more than anything, I was looking forward to spending some quality time with my Assef. It had been a long time since we'd had the chance to paint the streets of Wazir-Akbhar-Khan red with blood. Maybe I'd get the chance to see him use his brass knuckles again. He was always so incredible while doing so.
Reaching my bedroom, I pushed the door open, and stepped inside. It was just as I'd left it, everything in its proper place, the bed neatly made and the curtains drawn. I pulled my satchel from off of my shoulder, and placed it down upon the bed, then walked over to my closet and threw open the doors. My clothes were freshly washed and ironed, sitting on their respective hangers. I began to rifle through each and every one of them, looking for the perfect dress to change from my uniform into. I was feeling rather uncomfortable in this stuffy pinafore - and besides, it wouldn't do to get my uniform dirty, now, would it? Something that there was a high chance might happen while I was out with my brother.
Finally, I selected a purple dress, with a white collar, and short sleeves. Just the perfect outfit to wear today. I brought it over to the bed, and laid it down upon the covers, then opened up one of my drawers and pulled out a pair of dark tights. Placing them next to the dress, I reached up and was just about to begin the process of changing out of my uniform - when I was interrupted by the sound of my bedroom door opening.
Tanya, I thought, with disdain. How did I know it was her? Simple. My mother was the only person in this house who would have the disrespect to come bursting in without knocking. Mahmood just... didn't care enough to come in here, or to really interact with us without prior reason for it, Hamilra hardly ever entered our rooms - and on the occasions that she did - she'd knock before coming in. And my brother always, always knocked and waited for me to bid him entry before coming in.
But Tanya... she seemed to think that closed doors meant nothing. It mattered not to her that her children might want privacy, that after a hard day at school, her daughter might not wish to submit to her whims. No, she wanted to come in, and thus, come in, she would. Fucking bitch, I swore internally, throwing my eyes up to heaven and mentally wishing death in all sorts of horrible ways upon my mother, before turning around and preparing myself to face her.
I smoothed down the front of my uniform, placed one leg behind the other, and dropped down into a curtsy - lowering my head in a show of deference. "Welcome home, daughter," Tanya said, closing the door behind her. That clearly meant that she planned to be here for a while. Great. Just... great
"Good afternoon, Mama," I responded, keeping my gaze downcast. She approached, and I continued to stare at the ground as she walked around me, taking in every inch of my appearance. Scrutinising my uniform to make sure that nothing was out of place. That I hadn't managed to keep my clothes clean. For this part, I was thankful that this was, indeed, the case. I didn't need a repeat of the lecture that I'd received on my first day after Tanya had discovered that I'd fallen and ripped my tights. At least I'd managed to avoid a whipping, though she did threaten that 'if you ever come home from school looking this dishevelled again, Saria, and I swear, I will take the belt to you until you cannot sit for a week'.
My knees trembled as I struggled to remain in place. Tanya continued to walk around me, first one way, then another, reaching out to touch my collar, lift my arms, spin me around like I was some sort of rag-doll that only existed for her to control. And there was nothing - nothing - that I could do but stand there, take it, and pray that it would all be over soon.
Thankfully, the 'appearance inspection' didn't last too long. With a short, concise nod of approval, Tanya motioned with her hand, and said, "Rise, child." I did so immediately - heaven knows how much I detested curtsying to that bitch - and murmured my thanks, keeping my head lowered so as to continue the guise of being her perfect, subservient little doll. I prayed, oh how I prayed, that she would leave then, that something would happen to draw her attention away from me; but that was not to be the case.
She placed a hand on my shoulder, as if she wanted to appear motherly or... gentle... after behaving like a queen gracing one of her common servants with her presence, then walked past me to the bed. "Come, Saria. Sit with me, and tell me how your day was." It was an order, framed as a request, and I was clever, and experienced enough with my mother's attitude, to recognise it as such. I obeyed instantaneously, crossing the room to sit beside her, making sure to not sit on or wrinkle my change of clothes in the process.
Tanya reached towards me, and for a split second, I thought she meant to take my hand. But part-way through the action, she must have decided better of it, and placed her hand on my knee instead. It lingered there for an uncomfortable moment, before she pulled it away, and bade me to look at her. When I did so, she smiled, and began one of the more awkward conversations I'd had in my short, twelve years of life. "Good girl, Saria, I'm pleased to see that you kept your uniform in proper order this time." I bristled inwardly at the backhanded compliment, but said nothing. What good would it serve me to complain? "How was school?" Tanya asked. "What did you learn today?"
"Fine, Mama, everything was fine, as usual." She did not need to, nor would she ever, know the truth. "We started work on Rhumi poetry today."
That was all the information she would receive. Only the bare minimum, the small pieces, only the parts that would make me look the obedient, dutiful, robotic daughter that she wanted me to be. I would keep my answers to her questions short and sweet, and not give her any more than she needed to know. Hopefully, she would get the message and leave me alone.
"Rhumi poetry?" Tanya mused, tapping her chin as though deep in thought. "Do you like that?"
How pathetic it was, this line of questioning. Her attempts to get on my side, to act like a caring, interested mother who gave two flying fucks about me as a person - as if she hadn't just spent the last five minutes inspecting my appearance to ensure there wasn't a hair out of place. If I wasn't worried that she might scold me - or worse - for it, I would have rolled my eyes at how laughably pathetic this whole display was.
But instead, I just smiled sweetly at her, keeping all of my hatred buried deep within, as I said, "Yes, Mama. It was a very interesting lesson. Mermon Yashfa wants us to read over the poems we studied today as part of our homework."
Tanya looked at me, and I found myself sending up a silent prayer that she would go along with this. That she would listen to my ruse, get up, and leave. Did I personally give two shits about analysing poetry, or completing any homework I'd been given today? No, of course not. I'd do it because I had to, not because I wanted to. But Tanya had always wanted her children to have exceptionally high grades, to be the top students in the class in our respective schools. I hoped that, by telling her that I had homework to do, she would take it upon herself to end this conversation.
After all, the sooner she left, the sooner I could change my clothes, and the sooner I could begin preparing for the Just Because that my beloved and I were to embark on today.
Mercifully, my prayer was answered. Upon hearing the word 'homework', Tanya looked quizzically at me. "Is that so?" she asked, to which I nodded. A fleeting expression of. . . annoyance. . . crossed her face, for what reason I knew not. The thought did come to me that perhaps she wanted to talk to me, to engage in this mother-daughter conversation, and that it was bothering her to not be able to. But that was surely nonsense. There was no way that Tanya really wanted anything to do with me; all of the attention that she lavished upon me these days was just her way of coping with whatever emotions Zainab's death had caused her to feel.
"I'll let you get started on your work, child," Tanya said, getting to her feet. She cast a glance towards the dress that I had laid out on the bed, and nodded in approval. "Make sure you hang up your uniform when you've changed so it doesn't get wrinkled, alright?"
"Of course, Mama," I replied, willing her to leave. It was becoming exhausting to keep up this facade of obedience.
Tanya leaned towards me then, and I half-expected her to be reaching for something behind me - though what, I did not know. But instead, she placed a hand on my shoulder, drew me in close, and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "You're a good girl, darling," she praised, not noticing the way that I froze up when she pulled me to her, or the look of disgust on my face as her lips touched my skin. I barely had time to respond, before she had made her way out of my room, the door clicking shut once more in her wake.
I listened to her footsteps as she made her way back down the hall, then walked downstairs, and out of earshot. The instant I was sure she would not return, I began to aggressively wipe at my face where she had kissed me. Disgusting. Utterly, absolutely disgusting. What goddamn right did she have even to address me with such tender endearments, let alone to touch me? Every time she played the role of 'caring, loving mommy', it only served to highlight just how deluded she actually was. As if she pushed all of the horrid, cruel things that she did to my brother and I to the back of her mind, and thought that since she forgot, then I should too.
But I would think no more on such things, for they would serve me no purpose. I glanced towards my now-closed bedroom door, praying that it would stay that way. Just daring Tanya to come back in. After about fifteen seconds, in which I was absolutely certain that I would now have the privacy I so desired, I began the process of removing my uniform, placing it in a neat pile on the bed, before changing into the purple dress that I'd had laid out. I then hung my uniform back up in the closet, neatly back in its place, ready to be taken out when again it was needed.
Alright, Saria, I told myself, returning to my bed, let's get some homework done before you go on that Just Because with Assef. I knelt on the bed, holding my satchel to my chest and flipping it open, removing the books and notepads that I would need for the homework that I had to do today. Once I had laid out everything that I needed, I settled in and began to complete my work.
About an hour and a half later, I had finally finished the last of the day's homework, and was packing away my books and notepad for tomorrow, when there came a knock upon my bedroom door. Then, the most beautiful sound that I had yet heard - my darling's voice. "Sister?" he called, "may I come in?"
Now, if only Tanya could have been that respectful, I thought, before calling out, "Of course, brother, by all means, please." The door opened, and now, rather than the sinking feeling I had gotten when my mother had entered my room, instead, my heart soared with delight as my other half appeared in the doorway. He wore one of his warm, winter coats, and was grinning as he stepped towards me. I immediately leapt up from where I sat upon the bed, and hurried over to him, taking his hand and looking up at him with wide, excited eyes.
"Is your homework done?" I asked, rocking on my heels. "I mean, I assume that it is, otherwise you wouldn't be here, right? Does that mean we can go on our Just Because now? Yeah? Hold on, let me get my shoes!" Before Assef had the chance to even formulate a response, I was half-running to my closet, throwing open the doors, and searching for a pair of shoes that would be comfortable to wear and, of course, cause some hurt if I decided to kick somebody with them. Had to take all of these factors into account, didn't I?
Assef laughed. "Someone's eager," he teased, as I finally settled on a pair of shoes - black, patent leather, with a small heel that would, I knew, do some damage if I were to, oh, let's say, kick someone in the ribs with them - as well as one of my long, button-up overcoats, and skipped my way back to him. I sat on the edge of my bed and put my shoes on. "You know, Sar, I don't think I've ever seen you this excited for a Just Because."
"I've had a shitty day," I replied, standing now and pulling on my overcoat, fingers fumbling with the buttons as I closed it up. "A very, very shitty day, Assef. You know that. I need to punish someone for it. I need to kick the living crap out of somebody, 'cause if I don't get some form of violent release, then I'm going to hunt Ahtrai down and slit her throat from ear to ear."
I made my way over to my other half, who reached out to take my hand in his. He rubbed his thumb along the back of it, grinning down at me. "Well, I'm afraid I can't let you kill anyone today, Liebchen," he confessed, "too much risk in that. That said..." he trailed off, and I looked up at him, tilting my head to one side curiously. "I've got a surprise in store for you that I have no doubt will put that gorgeous smile back on your pretty little face."
A surprise?! I thought, excitement welling up in me as I wracked my brain to figure out just what that could be. What could my beloved have in mind? What could he be planning for us? Maybe he'd managed to procure another weapon, or had thought up some new method by which we could torture our victim? My lips parted, as I, against my better judgement, decided to ask what the surprise was. Could you blame me for not being able to wait?
However, before I could even get a word out, Assef cut across me. "Ah, darling Saria, you're just dying to know what your big brother has in mind, aren't you?" I nodded my head like it was on a spring, biting my lower lip and gazing up at him with big, adorable eyes, putting on my best 'cute, precious baby sister' face in the hopes that this would sway him into a confession. But all he did was pointedly shake his head, putting a finger up above his lips. "Oh, don't look at me like that. Those big blue eyes aren't going to persuade me to breathe a word, not this time. I don't want to ruin the surprise. But I promise, Sar, it'll all be worth it in the end, you just need to trust me."
Those words were enough to make me drop the issue. Of course I would trust him. Of course. If my other half said that this surprise would make me happy, then I would believe him. I would be on tenterhooks until finally his plans were revealed, but once they were, I had no doubt that they would set my spirit soaring in delight. "Very well," I said, letting the matter go - for now. "I trust you, my Assef. Now, can we please get going? I'll go stir-crazy if I have to wait a moment longer."
Assef nodded. "Of course, come on." Together, we made our way out of my room, and I quietly closed the door behind me. Down the stairs we went, and were just about to head out the front door - when there came a voice from behind us.
"Where are you two going?"
My heart sank. I clenched my fists within the pockets of my coat and rolled my eyes. Assef looked down at me and mouthed, 'don't worry, I'll handle the bitch'. Then, plastering fake, obedient smiles onto our faces, we turned to face our mother, who stood before us with her hands on her hips, lips pursed into a thin line. If there was to be blood spilled this day, then in that very moment, I wanted it to begin with her.
Luckily for both Tanya and myself, Assef stepped up to the plate before things could escalate. "Mother," he said, inclining his head politely, "I'm taking Saria out for an hour or so, to get some fresh air. We both need to clear our minds. We'll be back before dinner."
Tanya pursed her mouth again, looking as though she was sucking on a lemon. For a moment, I wondered if she was going to say something, to exert whatever parental authority she had to ban us from going out. I wouldn't have put it past her, being the controlling piece of shit that she was. She looked down at me, her eyes flickering up and down, quietly scrutinising my outfit. I waited for her to spot a flaw, a wrinkle, or a tiny stain that I hadn't noticed, or, more likely, to create one for the sole purpose of making me go back upstairs and change. Anything to lord it over us that she could stop us from leaving if she so chose
But then, her gaze turned to Assef. They looked at each other, and I knew that my other half was just daring Tanya to stop us. Something in his eyes must have convinced her to drop whatever argument she might have conceived, for she merely nodded, taking a step back. "Very well," she said coolly, "but I will expect you home for dinner this evening." As if he hadn't already promised that we would be? "And be careful."
She shot a pointed look at Assef as she said those words, before turning on her heel and walking off down the hall. Assef sucked in air through gritted teeth, rolling his eyes, before turning to me. "Well then," he said, "I suppose we'd best get going. Come on, Liebchen." He reached up, unlocking the front door, and holding it aloft for me to slip through. Once we were both outside, Assef closed and locked the door again, then beckoned me to walk with him.
We made our way down the driveway, and out the gates, into the streets. I skipped happily alongside my darling, both because I wanted to act 'innocent' for any grown-ups who we might be passing on our way through the market, and because I was genuinely feeling this excited and giddy about what was to come. Most definitely I was in far better spirits now than I had been when we'd made our way home from school.
Soon, we reached the market, which was filled to the brim with people going about their daily business. Men bartering at the stands, women buying and selling whatever items they may need, and children running past them, skipping and laughing. Each without a care in the world, not knowing that their joy had come perilously close to sorrow and pain. But alas, it seemed that today would be their lucky day, for as my dearest and I continued to walk through the market, I weighed up the pros and cons of selecting a victim from this crowd, and within a few moments, had come to the conclusion that there were too many risks here. Too many chances of a watchful parent seeing and getting involved to protect their little one from danger.
No, it was best that we continue this journey until we reached a less crowded area. Until we were sure that we could chase down our victim without anyone else trying to step in with some foolish heroics.
"Anyone you like the look of, dear sister?" my brother asked, as we passed a small crowd of youths, huddled together, talking and laughing about something I couldn't quite gauge. He gestured at the group of children playing a little ways away from us. "Wouldn't be too difficult to separate one of these little morons from their friends, no?"
I shook my head. "No," I told my brother, giving a final cursory glance towards the laughing children, who skipped and laughed and sang, not knowing how close they stood to true danger. "Don't like the look of these, Assef. Let's just keep going, I'm sure we can find someone to satiate my thirst for blood soon enough." Assef nodded, and with that, we continued on our way.
Not long after, we were strolling through a particularly desolate patch of road, when I glanced to the right, and who did I happen to lock eyes with? None other than Farsef, believe it or not. He was seated atop a wall, legs dangling, bouncing an apple up and down in his hand. On his head, he wore a woollen hat, with flaps that covered his ears. Some macabre part of me found myself wondering what his ear - or lack thereof - looked like under it. Was there just a gaping hole on the left side of his head, or had some plastic surgeon managed to reattach it somehow? I almost wanted there to be a gust of wind that would blow Farsef's hat off, revealing what lay beneath.
As I was thinking this, I glanced away from Farsef for a moment, and my gaze fell upon the older boy that was with him. It was quite easy to see the resemblance between him and Farsef. They both had the same pointed chin, the same dark eyes and hair, though the elder boy's was slicked back and slightly shorter than Farsef's. He was standing with his back to the wall, hands in the pockets of his brown leather jacket, seemingly in conversation with Farsef, though I couldn't quite make out what they were saying.
The older boy turned his head to face me, and our eyes locked for a moment. The instant that they did, I felt a cold shudder run up my back, felt my stomach clench in nervous apprehension. There was something in those dark eyes - black as coal - that made me quiver in fear. It was as if he was looking right through me, peeling off layers of my skin with only his gaze, leaving me open, and exposed, and vulnerable. The boy raised his hand, fingers curling in a mocking version of a wave.
Unable to help myself, I let out a tiny, frightened whimper, and moved just so that I was closer to my brother. Being right next to me, Assef heard my nervous vocalization, but it mattered not if he did. Even if I had made no sound, the terror on my face would have been plain to see. The way that my lips parted, how my brow furrowed. I felt moisture prick the corner of my eyes, and squeezed them closed, my fingers grappling in the air until they found my brother's. Assef squeezed my hand, once, then twice, before pulling out of my grip. Merely for a second, though, as his arm soon wrapped round my shoulder and drew me in for a brief yet comforting embrace.
"Stay close," he whispered, though he did not look down at me. He began to walk, his eyes never leaving the leering gaze of the boy that was causing me such inner turmoil. I glanced up at him, saw something in his eyes that I did not quite understand, nor like the look of. But he said not another word to me, and I figured it better that I didn't speak either. I could still feel the older boy's eyes on me, and it made me want to curl inside myself and never come out. Then I looked away from him, and back to Farsef. Remembered just what my dearest had done to him when he'd dared to hurt me. What reason had I then to fear? What could Farsef, or this other boy, creeps though they might have been, really do? What harm could possibly befall me when I had my strong, brave and protective older brother by my side?
It wasn't until we were far enough way that I gathered up the courage to speak again. "Assef?" I asked, hating the tremor in my voice.
Assef looked down at me. "Yes?" he asked, in an almost brusque tone.
I knew that the harshness in his voice was not directed at me, not really, but all the same, I had to give pause to decide if I really did want to continue speaking. But I had no other choice. I wanted confirmation on that which I already knew. "The... the boy there," I began, then paused, unsure how to go on. "The boy with Farsef. Was that—?"
There was no need to continue. Even as the end of my question died on frightened lips, my dearest understood. Assef nodded once. "Aarash," he said, "Farsef's older brother. In my class at school. I've told you about him, didn't I?"
"Aarash," I muttered, and resisted the urge to gag. Even speaking his name made me feel viscerally uncomfortable. "Yeah, you told me about him." Indeed Assef had, at times, vented to me about Farsef's older brother, knowing that I would listen and be there for him, as he always was for me. "He seems..." I trailed off, unable to put into words just how I felt about Aarash. How even that brief interaction with him had made me feel sick. I had never met anyone who made me so nervous and so grossed out all at the same time.
"Weird?" my brother asked, quirking a brow. I nodded; he'd managed to hit the nail on the head with that one, simple word. Assef smirked, and I let out a small, nervous giggle. "Yeah, he is, Sar. A total asshole, really, just like his brother." Oh, of that I was absolutely in agreement with him. Now, having seen Aarash, I knew where Farsef had gotten it from. Even after months had passed, when I thought about how Farsef had pushed me over and stolen my kite, a rage bubbled within, and made me want to gouge his eyes out and shove them down his throat.
But with Farsef... that was merely the same hatred I bore for all of my enemies. Aarash, on the other hand, the way he looked at me, that Chesire Cat smirk, the way his eyes lingered much, much too long. The way he'd waved so mockingly, as if he'd noticed the tension his presence had caused and wanted to tease me about it. Everything about him was not only infuriating, but unsettling, too. I couldn't quite put my finger on why I disliked him so much - I'd only seen the boy once and had no real interaction with him, after all - but I couldn't deny the feeling in my gut.
Still, I decided it best to just push that discomfort down into a pit at the bottom of my stomach. What good would it do me to worry, to fret about some random boy that I would probably never see again? To waste my time on hating Farsef, when he had already been punished for his blasphemy? It would only serve to compound my everarching anxiety - and I could do without that. Not today. Not now.
Think on it no more, Saria, I told myself firmly. It's only going to upset you, you know that, and you've had more than enough upset for one day. And if you let it get to you, why, you'll only ruin the first Just Because that you and Assef have gone on in ages, as well as the surprise that your brother has waiting for you. So let this be an end to your worries about Aarash Sajihdi. He can do you no true harm.
This inner mantra gave me a small boost of confidence. I looked up at my brother, striding along next to me, his face set in determination, clearly thinking of nothing but finding someone to vent our frustrations on. In silence we walked together, truly comfortable in one another's company. We'd gone far past the market now, and other people were few and far between - yet still did I notice children playing in the dusty streets. But never anyone that I truly wanted to hurt. I wondered, as Assef and I turned down a side-street and I passed a young boy sitting cross-legged, drawing on the ground with a stick, if I would find the justice that I do so desperately craved for the suffering that Ahtrai had caused for me.
I would soon find what I was looking for, however, and not at all in the way that I had been expecting. Assef and I were just about to turn into another side-street, when I felt something hard slam into my back, with enough force to throw me forward. I shrieked and lurched towards the ground. If not for my brother, I would have been left sprawling in the dirt like a pathetic fool. But Assef was quick to react. In a flash, he threw his arm out and caught me by the elbow, wrenching me back to my feet before my knees even had a chance to touch the ground. I wrapped both of my tiny hands around his arm, swaying, trying to steady myself.
"You okay?" he asked, looking down at me with worry in his eyes. His voice sounded as if it was coming from some distant, far-away place, barely heard with the ringing in my ears. I didn't answer, just looked up at him, my mouth parting slightly, heart thudding so wildly that I could feel it through the fabrics of my coat and dress. "Saria!" Assef exclaimed again, more urgent this time. He pulled his arm from my grasp and took hold of me by the shoulders, firm but gentle all the same. "Are you okay?!"
Finally coming back to reality, I nodded. "Yes, yes, fine, I'm fine." I blinked frustrated tears back inside myself. I'd probably be bruised come tomorrow, but for now I would ignore any pain. Assef looked down at me, checking for any serious injuries. I placed my hand over his and squeezed reassuringly. "A little winded, but no worse for wear, I'm sure." Then my countenance changed, and I gazed up at my darling with an untold, palpable fury. "What the hell just happened?!"
"Not what, Liebchen," Assef said, coldly, in German, "who?" With that, he raised a finger, and pointed a little way into the distance. I turned my head in the direction that he was gesturing. There, I saw her, and all the fury that I had pushed down from the events with Ahtrai came bubbling again to the surface, like a volcano about to erupt.
She stood a few feet away from us, staring at me. One hand covered her mouth, and from the way her eyes crinkled and her shoulders quaked, I knew that she was laughing. Taking joy in my misfortune, taking pride in the fact that she had been the one to cause it. I narrowed my eyes, letting my displeasure be seen. As I did so, recognition washed over me, and my blood boiled.
"Of course," I grumbled. "Of fucking course! What else did I expect?"
My brother looked quizzically at me, but I answered before the words had the chance to form on his lips. "One of Ahtrai's friends," I told him, never taking my eyes off of the girl. "I don't remember her name, but she's usually the one who takes the most pleasure in whatever cruel japes her bitch leader can come up with against me." A bitter laugh escaped before I could help myself. "Sent your lackeys to do your dirty work, have you, Ahtrai?" I murmured.
The mere idea that this fucking cow had dared to hurt me, especially with my brother right there, was enough to make me wish I had snuck into the kitchen before we left to take a blade with me. The way that she was still laughing, still finding joy in her childish actions, was enough to fill me with visions of using that imaginary knife to peel the skin from off her body until there was nothing left but muscle and sinew and bone. Assef seemed to be in agreement with me. His hand once again found my shoulder, fingers absently playing with a few loose strands of golden hair. "Seems like this young lady," he said those last two words in a sarcastic tone, "needs to be taught a lesson in respect." He narrowed his eyes at the girl, then looked back down at me. Looking up at him, I could see plainly the bloodlust on his countenance. "Shall we take her down a peg or two?"
As always, my darling Assef knew exactly what to say. Knew exactly what was going on in my mind, as the same thoughts were no doubt circling in his own. Finally, it seemed that we had found our victim. What better person to be granted the privilege of being selected for a Just Because than one of Ahtrai's dipshits? My lip curled back, in a mocking snarl. Without even giving time to answer my brother's question, I took a step forward, then another, then another, never taking my eyes off of the girl as I did so.
She had stopped laughing now - perhaps the joy she found in crashing into me had finally left her - and was just standing there, brows furrowed in confusion. That confusion soon turned to fear, however, as she took in the look in my eyes, and the matching expression on my brother's face. Her jaw dropped, and she looked from Assef to me, back to Assef, then back to me again. Realization was finally dawning on her as to what a monumentous mistake she had made.
I lunged forward, ready to grab the bitch and drag her into one of the side-streets to enact punishment against her. But before I could, she had staggered backwards, and my fingers grappled at empty air. She turned on her heel, then, and ran. Assef and I looked at each other, nodded, then gave chase.
Bitch was fast, that I had to admit. Within mere seconds, she had bolted across the street, and was now hurrying across a barren patch of land. For a moment, I found myself wondering what she had in mind, but Assef knew, and he shared this information with me. "The market, Saria," he told me, "she's trying to get to the market. If she can circle back around, then she'll be safe from us." It was plain from the tone in his voice that he, like me, had no intentions of letting this happen.
It made sense, after all, what the girl was doing. Rather than take the risk of Assef and I catching up to her if she continued into the open street, she had picked the wiser, though perhaps more cowardly, option of running back to civilization. It was as my dear one had said; if she managed to get back to the busy streets, to the hustle and bustle of the market, then there would be no way for us to hurt her. We weren't stupid, after all, and we dared not lay hands on a victim in front of witnesses. It seemed that this little cunt knew that, and so she had made her decision.
"Clever girl," I muttered, as I darted across the street, with Assef close at my side. "Clever girl indeed. But not clever enough."
Assef's eyes glinted with dangerous cunning. He took my hand, and gave it a brief squeeze, a reminder that we would see this girl's blood stain the ground before the day was over. Then, we were running, kicking up dust, sprinting across rocky terrain. I could see the girl up ahead, a tiny speck in the distance, yet visible all the same. We continued after her, twisting and turning, this way and that, jumping over fallen branches, predators on the hunt.
The last time I was chasing someone like this, I thought, my hamstrings screaming for rest, I was planning to kill them. I did kill them. The thought made me smile, the first time that I had found joy in Zainab's murder since her body was discovered. If only the bitch we were chasing now knew just how fortunate she truly was. She would be beaten within an inch of her life, yes, but her life she would keep this day.
Every inch of me burned as I ran, my feet scarce touching the ground. Up ahead, my victim was gaining momentum, adrenaline pushing her forward. Pushing her to keep going. To keep running. To escape the fate that, no doubt in her mind, she knew awaited her. Then, her foot caught on a pebble, and she fell, her body hitting the ground with a dull thud. There she lay, breathing heavily. I leapt forward, ready to throw myself onto her, but before I could do so, another burst of that infuriating 'fight or flight' adrenaline hit the girl, and she bounded up, quickly regaining her stride.
"Oh, you lucky little-" I clenched my fists, nails digging into my palms, almost frozen as I watched the girl bolt into the distance, tripping and stumbling as she went. I'd almost had her there. Almost. But no matter. We would catch up to her soon enough, of that I was certain.
Assef grabbed my hand and pulled me forward, almost dragging me along with him as he thundered after the girl. "Up there," he said, pointing with his free hand. I squinted, seeing the bitch, almost invisible in the distance. "Quickly, sister. Hurry before we lose sight of her." That would not do. To do so would be to lose, and we could not have that. Could not afford to return home with clean hands, not now that we had come so far. And so we continued to run, Assef pulling me along by the wrist. He was perchance almost as eager to catch up to the girl as I was. Or was it perhaps more for my benefit that he wanted to grab her?
Farther and farther we ran, and I became aware of just how alone we were. Not a soul for miles. Just me, my brother, and this living punching bag. The girl turned left, her hair whipping behind her, and we did the same. Then she turned right, and before Assef and I could chance to see what she planned to do next, she had disappeared. I snarled in frustration, remembering how Zainab had hidden just the same. But Zainab was not able to escape us, was she?
The thought made me grin, and I looked from right to left, from left to right, trying to see where she might have gone. There was a large, thick patch of undergrowth up ahead, a tangle of weeds and branches and green leaves. And under it, yes, if my eyes did not deceive me, was a small, quivering frame.
I tugged on my brother's wrist. "There," I pointed. "You see?" My voice was a soft, barely audible whisper. "She's trying to hide. Thinks we won't see her." I almost laughed at that, but I caught myself before the sound could escape my lips. Now was the time to be quiet. The time for cunning and stealth.
Not a word was spoken between Assef or I as we moved as one. Quietly stalking towards the girl, who was curled into a tiny ball, legs drawn to her chest, hands desperately pulling at leaves and branches to try and cover herself, as if she were an animal attempting to camouflage. Did she think we wouldn't see her? Did she think that if she could hide, we might run past, in a different direction? And that if she hid for long enough, we would just give up on our endeavour and retreat back home, shamed and defeated. But of that, there was no chance!
We reached the undergrowth, and I stood on one side of it, while Assef made his way around and knelt down, reaching into the tangle of weeds. He placed a finger to his lips, urging me to remain silent, while his other hand groped at branches and pushed leaves out of the way. Then, I heard it. A high-pitched shriek, equal parts fear and pain. My brother pulled, hard, and out the sobbing girl came, her fingernails desperately scrabbling at his wrist, trying to pull him off of her, to release the iron grip that he had on her hair. She was twisting her head, arching her back, reaching forward to try and grab a branch or something to hold onto. Yet my darling was ten times stronger than she, and no matter what she did, he would not let go.
"Come on, you little cunt," Assef swore, "come on, out you get. Fighting will only make it worse." He let go of her hair, allowing her a brief respite. Only for a moment, though, for he soon caught the back of her collar and finally yanked her out of the undergrowth. It was then that I noticed, for the first time since I'd seen the girl, that she was still wearing her school uniform. Must have been too lazy to change. She would come to regret that.
The girl howled in terror, still fighting to get away, her voice high and desperate and ragged. I swallowed, gesturing for Assef to shut her up. Alone we may have been, but who knows how far her voice might carry? Assef was of the same opinion as me, for he wrenched the girl's head back and slapped her across the face, making her cry out in pain. "Shut up!" he growled. "shut up, you fucking bitch! You're making it worse for yourself! Keep your goddamn mouth shut!"
He managed to wrestle her to the ground, and pressed his heel into her back, digging painfully into her spine. The girl tried to push up against him, oh, how desperately she tried, but every time she did, Assef kicked her, hard, and she fell back to soft whimpering. "Come, sweet sister," Assef beckoned me, in tones far gentler than he'd used on our victim. "Come over to me."
I did not need any further persuasion. I hurried towards my dearest, as he reached into the pocket of his jeans, his eyes never leaving mine. Out came his brass knuckles, stainless steel, glinting beautiful and dangerous in the afternoon sun. A grin wide enough it threatened to split my mouth in two formed on my lips, as I waited for Assef to snap the brass knuckles onto his hand, so that we might start to enact our vengeance upon the whimpering child at our feet.
But... That was not what happened. Instead of Assef putting the brass knuckles onto his own hand, as I expected him to do, he let them rest in his open palm, holding them out in my direction. "Go ahead, Liebchen," he said. When I blinked at him in confusion, gave me a pointed look. "It's your surprise, my dear," he added, glancing from me, to the weapon in his hand, then back to me again. "I think it's high time that you got to use these, don't you? So go on. Take them."
My eyes welled with tears, threatening to spill over and paint my cheeks like waterfalls. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words would come. And for good reason. What could I have said? What response was there for the monumental generosity that my darling was showing to me? Of everything that he might have surprised me with, I had not even considered the possiblity that he would let me use his brass knuckles. They were his most prized weapon, his most prized possession, and he loved only me more than them.
"Assef," I whispered hoarsely, when finally my voice returned. "My brother, I don't... I don't know what to say..." Our victim made another strangled noise, and Assef kicked her hard in the ribs. That quietened her, though for how long, I knew not. "Thank you," I breathed, stepping closer to him. I could have reached out and picked up his brass knuckles, but I didn't dare to touch them without his permission. "Thank you so much, Assef jan, this is-"
Assef cut across me. "This is what you deserve, Saria," he told me, with a pointed look in his blue eyes. He reached out, took hold of my right hand - my dominant one - and slid the brass knuckles onto it. They were cool against my flesh, weighty on my small hand. I gazed down at them in reverence. My brother curled my fingers into my palm, then raised it to his lips. He kissed the stainless steel almost worshipfully, and my cheeks flushed. "I'll guide you," he said, "since it's your first time using them."
My first time? I marvelled, Does that mean he plans to let me use them again some day? I had no time to ruminate on that, however, as my Assef dropped my hand back at my side, then moved behind the sobbing girl. He tugged at her arm. "Up!" he commanded, pulling her with such force that it made the sleeve of her uniform tear. Assef placed his hands under the girl's arms and yanked her halfway to her feet. Then, he kicked the back of her legs, and down she went again. Yet this time, however, Assef caught her before she could topple onto her face. He held her there, in this kneeling position, while she whimpered and groaned and sobbed.
Assef caught her by the hair, just as he had done when he dragged her from the undergrowth. He wrenched her head back, exposing her tear-stained, quivering face to me. "Now, Liebchen," he said, in almost conversational tones, "using brass knuckles is very simple, really. I know you're aware of how to punch someone." At this, we both shared a grin, thinking of Just Becauses gone by. "It's not so different from that. You just don't really need to put so much effort into it. They'll do most of the work for you, and cause far more damage than bare fists alone."
The bitch whined then, and began to plead. "N-No," she whispered. "N-Noo... Nooo... Please don't... don't... I'm s-sorry... Didn't mean to crash into you... accident... didn't mean to..." I almost wanted to remind her that she had laughed afterwards, but decided not to waste time scolding the girl. The brass knuckles on my hand would do the job far better than any harsh words might, would they not?
"Aim for her mouth," Assef told me, "I'm getting sick of hearing this bitch. Maybe you can shut her up." I grinned, stepping closer to this pathetic victim of ours with a raised fist. Swinging, I landed a hit on her jaw, then another two on her mouth. She yowled in pain, her head turning, blood pooling on her lips as her face snapped to the left. Already, the places I'd hit her were turning purple.
I raised my fist again, this time catching her right on the throat. She spluttered, unable to breathe for a nanosecond, then fell to the side. Assef loosened his grip on her arms, and she crumpled onto her side, where she lay, knees drawn to her chest, thin arms wrapped about her legs. Back and forth she rocked, sobbing. "Weakling!" I taunted, kicking her in the ribs, eliciting an agonized cry. "Pathetic, weak little fool! What, is there no fight in you?" I kicked her again, as if to punish her for not fighting back, then stood on her neck, pressing down with the heel of my shoe.
Then Assef was next to me, a hand on my shoulder. We looked down at the girl, then back at one another. The bloodlust that coarsed within me was matched by the rage that glistened in his eyes. And just like that, the game truly began!
I dropped to my knees, caught the girl by the shoulder, and rolled her onto her back. She lifted her arms to cover her face, but Assef seized her wrists and pulled them above her head, while I placed one knee on either side of her torso, effectively stopping her ability to move. I grabbed her bruised jaw and twisted, forcing her to look at me. I wanted her to see the hatred in my eyes, to know that there was to be no mercy for her. To know that she would suffer, and that I would take great joy in it.
Over and over did steel meet flesh, as I viciously pummeled the sobbing wretch. No sooner had I landed one hit, then I was pulling my fist back for another. I punched her in the nose, hearing a satisfying crunch, made all the better by the wail that accompanied it. Then to her eyes, the left, then the right, two times each, until they blackened and swelled. Next, the brass knuckles slammed repeatedly into her mouth, causing her to gargle blood, turn her head to the right, and spit out a tooth.
Assef chuckled. "You've got a fire in you, Liebchen," he praised, and stomped on the bitch's wrists, twisting the heel of his boot down, until again, we heard a crack. He moved towards me, and when he reached my side, he kicked the girl hard in the chest, once, twice, and then thrice. I wondered if her ribs might break. My brother and I continued our violent attack, him kicking every inch of her that he could find, and me putting his brass knuckles to good use.
Words, garbled and strangled, escaped from bloodied and swollen lips, though what she was saying, I did not know. An apology? A plea for us to let her go? Was she begging and grovelling for mercy? It was impossible to tell. The only noises she could muster were a long, drawn out "oohhhhh" and "uhhhhhhrrrrr". These she repeated, over and over, as if hoping that by doing so, they may chance to have some meaning. But I soon grew weary of that, and I punched her in the mouth until her lips swelled to where no noise could escape.
"Told you to be quiet, didn't we?" I chastised her. Assef snorted. I glanced at him, and neither he nor I were able to hold our mirth any longer. We laughed, then, as we continued to pummel the broken form on the ground. Laughed and mocked and teased and spat cruel words down at her, harsh enough to bruise with no help from any weapon. Here, kneeling on ground, my brow coated in sweat, my chest aching from the joy that came with each giggle, my fingernails specked red with the blood that coated my darling's brass knuckles, which were now almost a second limb to me, I came alive.
I don't know how long we kept up the game, but eventually, Assef motioned for me to stop. "I hate to put an end to our fun, Liebchen," he said, and I could tell from his voice that he meant every word. "But we did promise Tanya that we'd be home before dinner, and we'd best be making a quick exit if we don't want to get into trouble." He spat in the girl's face. "Pity, I was enjoying myself. All the same, she does look like she's had enough."
Nodding, I extended a hand to my brother. "Get me to my feet, please." He pulled me up, and I stepped over the body that lay crumpled on the ground. She was alive, yes, but unconscious now. Her breathing was shallow and ragged, her uniform torn, her face puffed up so badly that it was hard to recognize that it was a face. I turned my nose up at her in contempt, raising my foot and stamping on her head. Bitch gave a last shudder, then lay without moving. I lifted one of her broken wrists, held it for a moment, then let it drop again.
"She's got a pulse," I told Assef, as I slipped off the brass knuckles and handed them back to him. "Thank you," I said, watching him wipe the blood away, then shove them once more into his jean's pocket. "For letting me use them. I am... I... This means..." Alas, the words failed me, but actions would not. I hugged my darling around the waist, burying my face in his chest and murmuring words of love and gratitude.
Assef held me close for a moment. "You're welcome," he said. Then he pulled away, and drew an arm round my shoulder, kissing the side of my head. "My darling, fierce little sister." He lifted the hand that had worn the brass knuckles, and pressed his lips to it. "My beautiful Saria. You did so well, as I always knew you would. I'm so proud of you, Liebchen."
The words were a fervent prayer, and I knew that he meant them. I lay my cheek against the back of his hand, and smiled. There would be no way for me to ever truly repay him for the gift that he had shared with me, and I could only hope that he might understand how thankful I was. How this meant the world and beyond to me.
Together, our fingers intertwined, we began making our way home. I chanced one last glimpse at the bitch that had dared to fuck with me. Bloodied, and bruised, and broken. It would be some time before anyone found her, if indeed she was rescued before dawn came. Yet it mattered not to me whether she lay there for one hour, or two, or even more. She deserved what she got. All of it, and then some. And now, I knew, she would no longer tease me in school, nor anywhere else for that matter. The thought made me grin.
My brother looked down at me, asked what I was thinking. "How happy I am," I told him sweetly. He did not respond, but his eyes twinkled, and that was answer enough. Oh, how powerful he made me feel, how strong and deadly and fierce, like the warrior I always knew I could be.
May this be a lesson to our enemies, to all who dare to mess with the Ahmed siblings, I thought, standing tall and proud. We rule the streets of Kabul, and not even God himself shall dare gainsay us!
Thank you to all who have read this chapter! Coming up next, Saria learns the name of her victim, and the fate that has befallen her. But she has little time to glorify in her actions, as a family secret is soon laid bare, one that leaves her reeling and challenges her relationship with Assef in a way that it never was before.
Coming soon, to a FFn near you!
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