Author's Note: In the last chapter, Saria was stunned to learn that she had another brother, Sami, who drowned in the family pool in the years before she was born. A fight broke out between her and Assef, leading her to be violently struck by the one person she always believed would never harm her. Now, we find her and Adia excitedly preparing for their first sleepover together - but this childish joy will not remain for long.
Thank you so much to everyone who reads, follows and favourites this story. I appreciate it more than I can possibly say - and I encourage everyone to leave their feedback. As always, please note that I claim no ownership of the Kite Runner - though I do for the OCs, plot points, and such that are not part of the original novel.
I also do not agree with or condone the thoughts, actions, or deeds of the characters of this story. This is merely a work of fiction and should be taken as such.
And with that said, let's get into this chapter!
"This is gonna be the best night ever!" Adia exclaimed. A joyous smile brightened up her face, every word punctuated with an excited little chuckle. Her eyes were shining with childish and innocent mirth, and she looked at me with an expression of pure and raw delight on her countenance. She tried to speak again, but was overcome with such a severe case of the giggles that she was unable to get a word out. One burst of laughter would lead to another, until it was all that she could do to string together a coherent sentence. "You'll see, Saria, you'll see, we're gonna have so much fun! It's gonna be the best sleepover in the whole world, I just know it!"
It was an overcast Saturday afternoon, clouds rolling in from all directions and covering the previously blue sky with their grey blankets. The type of weather where there was no doubt to anyone who looked outside that rain was certainly incoming. But this was of no matter to Adia, who was kneeling on her bed, chattering excitedly about how happy she was that I had agreed to come over to her house and stay the night. It was all that she could talk about from the moment that she'd first made the offer, on Wednesday of that very same week. The dear girl had practically begged for me to say yes, to tell her that I would be able to come and stay the night, that I would spend Saturday and, indeed, most of Sunday too, in her home.
Looking at how desperate Adia was for me to say yes, I knew that there was no way that I'd be able to refuse her. And so, I had, through much cajoling and promises to behave, managed to convince my parents to allow me to attend what would, for me, be my very first sleepover - though not without being read a laundry list of rules that needed to be followed, and experiencing the privilege of Tanya lecturing me even as we pulled into Adia's driveway on Saturday.
Now, here I was, sitting on Adia's bed. My rucksack lay next to me, filled with my nightgown, toothbrush, and everything else I'd need, turned on its side, resting upon a pillow. I'd removed my shoes, and they were neatly placed by the window next to Adia's. I stretched my legs out in front of me, white-socked feet resting upon a mattress that was situated beside the bed. "I'll stay there," Adia had told me, as we entered her room and I'd been unable to prevent myself from staring at it. "You can take the bed, Saria." Well, that was only fair, was it not? After all, a guest should be treated with the utmost respect, and all care should be taken to ensure their comfort. Still, I offered my thanks to Adia all the same, even though in the back of my mind I was certain that it was her mother who had commanded her to give up her bed for the night.
Adia was eager for the fun to begin, already with an activity in mind. "Do you..." she began, bringing up a finger to her lips and placing it into her mouth. "I mean, uhm, we don't have to if you don't wanna, 'cause you're the guest here and I want you to feel comfortable but, uh, I was wondering, I've got a colouring book with lots of pretty pictures inside it of fairies and princesses and stuff and I was wondering if you wanted to do some colouring with me? Only if you want to, though, we don't have-"
I cut across her, silencing her babbling before it could go on any farther. "Colouring sounds like a lot of fun right now, Adia," I said. Obviously, if I could have chosen any activity with which to entertain myself, scribbling on pictures of fairies and magical princesses would not be my first choice, but if it would make Adia happy to do so, then who was I to deny her this?
"Oh, goody!" Adia slid off of her bed, stepping onto the mattress. She then turned to face me, grinning broadly. "I'll go and fetch the book, it's just on one of those shelves there." I followed her line of sight as she jabbed a finger in the direction of three shelves in the far corner of her room. Sure enough, on the middle one, was an assortment of books, all thrown haphazardly down, much different from how my own books were always neatly organised by their size. But Adia didn't appear to care about whether or not her room was kept spic-and-span. Probably because she a) didn't have to worry about her parents giving her hell for it and b) more importantly, didn't have a rusty kitchen knife and blood-soaked dress from a murder that she'd committed hiding beneath a loose floorboard under her bed.
Adia made her way over to the shelves, humming as she did so. Once she got there, she stood up on tiptoe and began attempting to reach for a large book, which was the farthest away. Her little face contorted as she extended her arm as far as it would go. "Come on, come on!" she exclaimed, though it was clear that the book was positioned at such an angle that it was going to be difficult for her to grab hold of it. Every time it seemed that she had achieved her goal, her empty hands would retreat, and it became evident that she needed to try again.
After some struggle, Adia let out a cry of triumph. "Got it!" Indeed, she had managed to grip onto a corner of the book, and was pulling it down from the shelf. Inch by inch, it moved ever closer to the edge, Adia grunting with the exertion of pulling it down. The mental image of the entire shelf being brought crashing to the floor filled my mind, and I prepared myself to spring up and come to Adia's rescue were that to happen. Fortunately, however, she managed to retrieve the book without any disasters happening.
She held it with one hand, the other arm coming up over her forehead as she wiped away a bead of sweat. Clearly, this had taken quite a bit of exertion out of her. But looking at the smile that was still plastered on her face, I knew that she wasn't about to let that stop her happiness. Her resilience was truly admirable to see, further proof to me that I'd made a good choice in selecting this girl to be mine own. "Now to get the colouring pencils," Adia muttered, speaking more to herself than to me. Over to her desk she walked, grabbing a cup filled with an assortment of pencils, markers and crayons.
Returning to her bed, Adia placed the book down. It had a tattered cover, the paint peeling off in several areas, though I was still able to discern the image of several fairies, unicorns, and other fantasy creatures all surrounding what was evidently meant to be some type of magical palace. Written across the top were the words "Fairy-tale Colouring Book" along with the subtitle "Create Your Own Magic". The saccharine words were enough to almost make me want to gag, but I contented myself with simply rolling my eyes when Adia wasn't looking.
Adia opened the book, causing several pages to fall out. "I take the pages out when I'm done with 'em cause daddy likes to stick my drawings on the wall in his office," she explained. I nodded once, but didn't say anything in response to her. Would that she might be able to read minds and could tell how uncomfortable it made me to listen to her wax poetic about how her father cared so much for her that he was willing to display her artwork. I mean, come on, do you think for even a second that Mahmood would do the same for me? Absolutely not! The mere idea would have sent him into a laughing fit as he'd cruelly tease me for even suggesting it.
I remained quiet as Adia flipped through the pictures, one after the other, searching and searching until eventually she caught sight of what she was looking for. "These ones are so pretty!" she said, bouncing up and down, almost upending the colouring pencils. A mischievous giggle escaped from her lips as I was quick to grab hold of the cup before it was able to spill all over the floor. Adia didn't seem to notice what I'd just prevented from happening, instead turning two pages towards me, each with their own blank drawings.
The first was of a unicorn, prancing through a field of flowers. A rainbow hung in the sky above the creature, the sun glistening high above it. The unicorn had big, wide eyes that appeared to be looking right into your very soul. The second picture was a little less... cutesy. It was a princess, wearing a ballgown and tiara, standing in the middle of what I guessed was meant to be her royal castle. At the top of the page, the book's creator had transcribed the word "Princess", and left a blank space for whoever opted to complete this picture to write their own name.
"What picture do you want, Saria jan?" Adia asked, as I looked back and forth between the princess and the unicorn. "You can choose the one that you want, and I'll do the other. It really doesn't matter to me which one I colour, I love them both. So it's all up to you. Which one do you like the best?"
"The princess." The answer fell rapidly from my lips before Adia would have the opportunity to change her mind and give me the unicorn instead. "It is my namesake, after all," I admitted, winking. Yes, the name Saria did, indeed, translate to "princess". I held out my hand, palm up, for Adia to place the drawing into it. She did so immediately, taking the unicorn for herself.
She then dumped the colouring utensils onto the bed, spreading them out between us. "This is gonna be so much fun! I've got something really special in mind for my unicorn." Before I could even ask what that was, Adia shook her head, placing a finger up to her lips as if she were trying to hide a big secret. "But I'm not telling. So you'll have to wait until I'm all done!"
Adia and I both laid our selected drawings out on the bed in front of us. Adia lay on her stomach, her legs dangling off of the edge of the bed, heels drumming every so often against the floor. Tap, tap, tap. I tucked one leg under myself, the other hanging down, still touching the mattress. I watched as Adia grabbed up a blue pencil and began hastily scribbling away, turning in such a manner that I was unable to quite see what she was doing.
I began to colour in the gown, opting to adorn my princess in pink. First the collar, then the sleeves and the bodice. As I did so, I heard Adia begin to hum, a wordless melody that filled the otherwise silent room. I wondered, as I looked at her, just what she was thinking. Was she imagining what her unicorn when it was completed? Was she thinking about whether or not she would ask Javid to hang it on his office walls? Was she, immature as this was, deciding on a name for the mythical creature?
Whatever the case, I was sure that Adia's thoughts right now were far, far less turbulent than mine. For you see, my reasons for staying over at the Kalaharis extended far beyond simply wishing to make Adia happy, went much deeper than wanting to get away from an abusive household, even if only for a night. Loathe as I was to admit it, much as I have prayed to whichever angels may deign to intercede on my behalf that I could forget the events that had transpired on the day that I learned about Sami's existence and death, I just wasn't able to do it.
Oh, sure, I had told Assef that I forgave him for hitting me. I had allowed him to cradle me in his arms, feeling his lips pressed against my forehead, listening to his heartbeat as he repeatedly reassured me of his love and devotion. I had, myself, apologised over and over for having ripped up Sami's scrapbook and birth-cert - though Assef was always quick to inform me that he didn't care about those things, and that under no circumstances was I to make any sort of excuses for his violence towards me. He would go up into the attic and do his best to repair the damage, he said, but I was not to worry about it. He was the one at fault, not me, and he would be the one to shoulder the responsibility of fixing things.
I knew, when he said those words, that it was not just Sami's things he was referring to. My beloved was desperate to gain my trust back. And I, too, wanted to get back the closeness we had once shared. Wanted us to be Assef-and-Saria again, never one without the other, the Ahmed siblings, who none but each other could hope to understand. I wanted to pretend that what had happened between us was nothing more than a terrible, awful nightmare. That if I could just sleep it off, and the next morning, everything would be right back to the way it always was.
But that was not the case, unfortunately. Every time I looked down at the hand-shaped bruises on my arms, from where Assef had first caught hold of me as I, in my rage-fuelled stupor had threatened to rip up our lost brother's scrapbook and birth-cert, to the pain that shot through me every time I inhaled, I was reminded of what he had done to me. The bruising on my face, covering the lower half of my jaw, which I had opted to veil from our parent's eyes through the use of Tanya's makeup, was a continual reminder that I was no longer able to hold firm to the doctrine that my soulmate would never, ever harm me in any way, shape or form.
The bruises were healed by now, the physical pain no longer existent. But that was nothing, absolutely nothing, in comparison to the mental anguish that I was dealing with on an almost daily, nay, an almost hourly basis. What could be worse than the fear that coursed through me, of knowing that the person causing me to feel this way was the very soul that I loved with every bit of love that I had within me? I would rather have shattered every bone in my body, torn myself apart, doused myself in gasoline and lit a match, than to accept the fact that I might now have to live in fear of my other half.
That won't happen, Saria, I told myself, scribbling so hard on the paper that it almost ripped. It won't, because you're not going to let it. What happened between you and Assef was absolutely horrendous, yes, but it's over now. He loves you, more than his own life, more than anything in the world, more than even you yourself are able to comprehend. It killed him to lay his hands on you, you know that. Push all of these thoughts from out of your mind, lock them up and throw away the key. It may take a bit of work on both your parts, but you and Assef are soulmates, twin flames making one another's embers shine brighter than the midday sun, and you can get through anything!
"All done!" Adia's delighted voice broke me out of my current reverie. I looked up from my own handiwork, which was only three-quarters of the way done, to see her beaming at me, holding her now completed picture close to her chest, positioned in such a way that I was still unable to see what she had done with it. It appeared that she was really wanting this to be a surprise, whatever it was.
With my left hand, I pushed my colouring to the side, farther away from me until it hit the wall next to Adia's bed. "I'll finish mine a little later," I informed the still grinning Adia, "let me see what you've done?"
Adia held her picture out for me, almost shoving it right under my nose. I looked down at it. She had a talent for keeping within the lines, I'd give her that. A kaleidoscope of bright, shining colours saturated the page; blue and red and purple and orange and everything she could have got her hands on. "Do you like it?" she asked, with all the hope of an innocent child wishing for the validation of an older sibling. "I made a rainbow unicorn, see? I... I know that unicorns aren't normally rainbow coloured, but... but I thought it would be neat! What do you think?"
I almost wanted to remind Adia that, in fact, unicorns did not exist, and therefore it mattered not what colours she used on this one. But I chose not to shatter her childish illusions in that moment. Instead, I nodded along in response to her words, chiming in every so often with a few words of encouragement. "It's absolutely beautiful, Adia," I lauded her, feeling a euphoric sensation run through me at the way her chest swelled in pride. Nobody but I could make her feel like this, could give her the true recognition that she needed and deserved. "You're so talented!
"Thank you, Saria!" Adia replied, hugging her picture against her chest. She tilted her head to one side. "Uhm, do you... do you think I should ask my dad if he wants to hang it up in his office?"
Arching a brow, I pretended to be baffled as to why she would even ask such a thing. "Of course you should, Adia jan, of course! Why, colouring as pretty as that deserves to have pride of place on the walls, and I'm sure that your father would agree with me."
Sliding off of the edge of her bed again, her unicorn picture held tight within her hands, Adia made her way across the room, literally skipping as she did so. "I'm gonna call her Daisy," she told me over her shoulder, "Daisy the unicorn. That's a nice name, yeah?" I affirmed to her that yes, it was, and she lay the picture carefully down onto her wooden desk, tenderly running her fingers along it. "I'll leave it here for now, and ask Daddy to hang it up at dinner tonight." She turned to face me again. "You wanna play with my dollhouse now?"
I was just about to respond, to tell her that yes, that sounded like an excellent idea (and mentally prepare myself to while away some time playing dollies and house) when a noise coming from the bedroom door cut me of mid-word. The unmistakable click of a door handle being turned, and the door being pushed open. Knowing that it might be Javid or Faraya come to check up on us, I instantly straightened up, placing my hands in my lap as I lowered my head and kept my eyes downcast, waiting to charm whichever adult stepped through the door.
But it wasn't an adult. Instead, Masood stepped through the bedroom doorway. This caught me a little off-guard, as I hadn't been expecting him to leave his room, where Adia had told me he spent most of his time nowadays. Certainly I hoped that I wouldn't need to interact with him for longer than was abundantly necessary. Yet here he was now. He put one foot after the other, slowly making his way into the room. "Hello, Saria," he greeted me, a warm and friendly smile on his face. "It's nice to see you again."
"It's nice to see you too," I responded, drawing my legs back up onto the bed and scooting inch by inch towards the wall. I matched Masood's smile with one of my own as I did so, not wanting to give off the impression that I was disgusted by his very presence, knowing that by doing so, I would run the risk of being seen as some sort of cruel-hearted soul who mocked the sick and dying. Still, I couldn't help feel a visceral level of discomfort as I took in just how sick Masood really, really was.
He had lost an inordinate amount of weight since the last time I'd seen him, now becoming little more than skin and bone. His clothes hung off of his frame, the collar of his t-shirt glistening with beads of sweat. His left hand hung loose by his side, and in the right, he held a glass that was filled to the brim with water. Every time he brought it up to his mouth to take a sip, the water would barely make it to his lips, and he was left with a line of dribble running down his chin and onto his t-shirt.
He's going to spill that water if he's not careful, I found myself thinking, watching it oscillate within the glass. But what was the worst part, the part that stuck with me... were his eyes.
They had, for lack of a better phrase, sunk into the back of his head. There were huge bags under both of his eyes, as if he hadn't slept in over a week. As I looked into them, I became acutely aware of how truly lifeless Masood was, as if he was nothing more than a living skeleton. As if he had given up on life already, as if deep down, he knew that every hour, he made his way closer to death's door. It was an unsettling sight to behold. But Adia didn't seem at all disgusted by her brother's appearance.
Instead, her eyes lit up at the sight of him, and she waved to him. "Masood, hi!"
Masood began walking towards his little sister. As he drew closer, he noticed the picture on her desk. "What have you got there?"
Adia extended a hand out towards the drawing, tapping her finger against it. "Saria and me were doing some colouring and I made this, isn't it pretty? Her name is Daisy and I'm gonna ask Daddy to hang her up on the wall in his office! Do you like it?"
"That's beautiful, Adia jan," Masood complimented, while his little sister beamed up at him with the sweetest smile. "Really, really well done. I'm glad that you and Saria are enjoying yourselves." He shot a glance in my direction as he said this, and I nodded, wanting him to know that yes, I was a wonderful friend, that his little sister was blessed to have me in her life. Masood turned his attention back to Adia, and the siblings began an animated and lively conversation.
Well, I say conversation... it was mostly Adia doing most of the talking, while Masood just nodded along, interjecting every so often with a commentary of his own. Despite how tired he looked, how every word appeared to be a struggle to get out, it was abundantly clear that Masood was loving this interaction with his baby sister, and that she felt the same way. Their closeness was something was beautiful to behold, or at least... it would have been, were it not for how ill at ease it made me to witness.
For as I sat there, watching them, seeing the delight on Adia's countenance, how she hung on her brother's every word, how their discussion appeared to flow so easily, with no tension being felt by either one, I couldn't help but to feel a churning sensation bubbling up within the pit of my stomach. Was it jealousy? Disgust? Another emotion yet unnamed and unknown? Who's to say, for I had not a clue. But what I did know was that I hated this, hated witnessing Adia and her brother be so close. I knew for a damn fact that Adia never had to worry about Masood hitting her. That Masood had never once, never once, laid his hands on his sister with evil intentions. There was no long-lost Kalahari sibling that Adia wasn't aware of. No secrets hiding within their attic. No bruises on her face and arms. No pain. No fear. Nothing but familial love and bliss.
It's not right, I thought, narrowing my eyes at the pair, which they did not notice. For them to flaunt their close relationship in my face like this. I hate it, I fucking hate it. Go away, Masood, go away! You worthless son-of-a-bitch, leave me and Adia alone! She's mine and I want to spend time with her! I make her happy, I take care of her! Me, not you! NOT you! Go the FUCK away!
Another bubbled laugh escaped Adia's mouth, causing the burning sensation in my gut to reach its fever pitch. I couldn't watch them anymore, and so I turned away, turned my body to face the window and stared out of it, looking at the rain that was now running down the glass window-panes and dripping onto the outside below. Knew it was going to rain, I thought, almost smugly, placing a hand on my chin as I tried to block out the sounds coming from behind me. And then... just like that, it happened. I heard it. A sound that I could not block out.
There came first a loud crash, followed by rushing water. At first, I wondered if perhaps a drainage pipe had dislodged itself from the side of the house somehow, but that thought was quickly dispersed as I heard Adia let out a gasp, and a shriek of "Oh, no! Oh, no! Daisy!"
Those words, and the anguish with which they escaped from my friend's lips, along with the sharp intake of breath from Masood, painted a clear picture in my mind, before I even turned form the window, of what had happened. I tore my attention back to what was going on in the room. My eyes landed, first on Adia, who was standing there, tears streaming down her face, then to Masood, hands tugging at his hair, guilt written across his face in such a way that one might have stamped it there with a branding iron. And lastly, my eyes locked onto the glass of water that had previously been in Masood's hand.
Just as I'd already suspected he would, Masood had been unable to hold the glass, and it had slipped from out of his trembling fingers and crashed onto Adia's desk. The water had spilled out then, and as luck would have it, landed right on top of her picture of Daisy the Unicorn. The glass had rolled to the edge of the desk and toppled to the floor, though thankfully it did not break. But that was of no concern to Adia, who appeared to be much more upset about her ruined artwork than anything else.
Her shoulders quivered, heaving up and down with sobs. "My... my... my..." she began, then reached out to touch the picture. Right before her fingers brushed against it, however, she must have thought better than to destroy it further, and she just froze, her hand hanging in mid-air, before coming back to her side. "My art! It's all ruined!" She covered her face with her hands, leaning forward, elbows on her knees. I stood from her bed, making my way across the room to stand beside her, placing a hand on her upper back, rubbing circles into it as I narrowed my eyes at Masood, whose mouth hung open, babbling incomprehensible words of remorse that were hard to discern the meaning of.
"I... I... I..." he spluttered, "I'm sorry, Adia, I didn't mean... I... It was..." But whether or not he could have strung a coherent sentence together, it was of no consolation to the weeping Adia, who mourned the loss of Daisy the Unicorn as if she had been a real, living, breathing creature. "I didn't mean to..." Masood repeated, before he took a step back, looking from Adia to me, then back to Adia again. "Wait right here," he told us, "I'll... I can fix this. Both of you just stay put." And with that, he disappeared out of the room, closing the door behind him once more.
Where could he be going, I wondered, as I listened to Masood's footsteps disappear down the hallway. To fetch one of his parents? No... he hadn't gone downstairs, which was where Faraya and Javid were. And so, what was he up to? How did he think he was going to be able to fix this? I mean, unless he had a time-machine, there was no way that he would be able to undo what his foolishness had caused. Regardless, however, Masood was not my first priority in this moment. I knew that, as Adia's best friend, it was down to me to provide her with the comfort that she needed.
And that was exactly what I gave to her. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, I pulled her close to me, feeling her quiver under the weight of her sobs. "Oh, Adia, oh sweetheart, it's alright, please don't cry, it's okay..."
Adia sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of one hand, while the other clutched onto my dress. "I worked so hard on that picture, Saria, so hard. And I was so proud of it, too. I couldn't wait to show Mommy and Daddy..." She cried out in anguish again, and I gently hushed her. "And now my brother's gone and wrecked it!" She gave way to a fount of weeping. Meanwhile, unbeknown to Adia, the words that she had just were spoken had caused the gears in my manipulative little brain to start working overtime.
Now my brother's gone and wrecked it! Yes, indeed he had. And there it was, her faith in Masood had been shaken. Not to make any comparison between what Masood had done to her and what Assef had done to me, for they were night and day, but it was plainly evident that his actions had gravely upset her. Knowing this made me feel a little better about my own predicament, selfish as it may be for me to admit that. At least now I wasn't the only one who had lost trust in a dearly beloved sibling. And as I continued to hold and reassure Adia, a wicked yet brilliant idea hit me.
Perhaps I could use this situation, not only to my own betterment, but for the betterment of my friendship with Adia as well. If I could stoke the fires, throw more burning kindling onto the flames of discontent that Adia was now feeling towards Masood, then surely that would help me to feel less upset about the pain that I had been experiencing ever since Assef had struck me. At least then, I wouldn't be alone in my pain - and as the old adage goes, a problem shared is a problem halved, is it not? Besides, it would do Adia some good to realise that I, and only I, had her best interests in mind.
Quickly weighing up the pros and cons of what I was about to do, I concluded that it was, like the vast majority of my schemes, one of genius. Taking Adia's chin with my fingers, I turned her head to face me, tilting it down slightly so that she was looking into my eyes. Directly into them, as I made them shimmer with understanding for her predicament. "Adia," I said, in hushed tones, glancing towards the door, hoping against all hope that Masood would not step back into the room before my mission was complete. "What your brother did... it was wrong. It was very wrong, and I don't blame you one bit for being mad at him."
"I'm not..." Adia trailed off, unable to meet my gaze. She knew that I was right. She was mad at her brother, she did harbour that tiny sliver of resentment to him for having ruined her artwork - and, if my theory was correct, that had been bubbling under the surface for quite some time. "It was just an accident, Saria, that's all. I know... I know he didn't mean to.. It wasn't his fault... It... He just..."
I finished that sentence for her. "He just shouldn't have gone near your drawing with that glass of water in his hand if he knew he couldn't hold onto it." I moved away from her, dropped down to my knees, and retrieved the glass which was still laying on the floor. I picked it back up, setting it on her desk again, offering a cursory look to Daisy the Unicorn as I did so. There was no beating around the bush here, the drawing was absolutely and totally ruined. I beckoned Adia to come to me, which she did, though extremely slowly.
The moment she reached my side, I pointed at her drawing. "Look at this, Adia. Look at what your brother did to your hard work." It was cruel of me to be forcing her to look down at something that had caused her such pain, but I knew that this was the only way to get her to understand just what a horrible thing it was that Masood had done. "Even if it was an accident, it was an accident that could have been easily prevented, and we both know that. I mean, come on, you saw how badly that glass was shaking. Masood chose to continue holding it, knowing it might have spilled at any moment. In all truth, I think it's quite lucky that it didn't shatter and hurt you. But that's beside the point, isn't it? Masood destroyed something you were proud of, and you have every right to call him out on that. Just because he's sick, doesn't mean he has any right to disrespect your belongings, now does it?"
Adia looked up at me. I could almost hear her thoughts now, could see a cog turning in her brain as she gauged whether or not I was in the right here. I moved a strand of hair from out of her eyes, before leaning down to whisper into her ear. "When Masood gets back in here, you should tell him how you feel about what happened. You should make your displeasure known. I say this as your friend, sweetheart, you deserve so much better than what happened here."
With that, I pressed a kiss to the side of her head, and moved away from her, leaving her to think about what I had just said. Right as I stepped back, the door opened again, and back came Masood, arms filled to the brim with paper towels. I had to stop myself from bursting out into laughter at the sight; just what the fuck did he think he was going to accomplish with those? Masood, however, walked briskly into the room with a look of purposeful determination on his face, a young man on a mission.
He stopped in front of his trembling sister, muttering an apology to her once more. "I'm truly sorry, Adia jan," he said, while she looked back and forth from him to me, and I mouthed the words 'not good enough'. Masoood moved away from his sister, placing the towels on her desk. Adia and I both watched as he started to scrub, desperately, at her picture. "I'll fix this," he tried to assure her, "just... just give me a minute. I can dry your picture up and it'll be good as new, okay?" He tried to offer a reassuring smile to Adia, but she did not return it. Was she, perhaps, giving credence to the advice that I had offered to her? Was she coming to the realisation that I was correct in my assessment, that she did deserve better? Was she preparing to give Masood a piece of her mind?
The answer to that would come sooner than I anticipated. I watched as Adia began to pull Masood's arm away from her drawing. "It doesn't matter, Masood, it doesn't, there's no point in trying to fix it, all the colours run anyway and it's not gonna come out any better off if you dry it, so please, please just leave it, leave it, leave-"
Rip! Masood had scrubbed the picture too hard, which, due to the fact that the water had not yet dried on it, lead to it being split right down the middle, into two pieces - effectively ending the life of poor, misfortunate Daisy the Unicorn. Adia let out another exclamation, and Masood looked at the ruined drawing with a look of total and complete shame on his face, much as had been there earlier. "Oh, Adia..." He tried to reach out for her, but she violently shoved his hand away, narrowing her eyes and bearing her teeth like a panther about to strike.
"I... told... you... to... leave... it..." She ground out each word, spitting it with poisonous venom in her brother's direction. "Damn it, Masood, I told you to leave things alone! Why didn't you listen to me?" Masood opened his mouth to speak in his own defence, but Adia wasn't about to let him get away with this and she was quick to cut him off. "You ruin everything! You always... everything is always a big mess because of you! And it's all your fault, it is, cause you shouldn't have come over if you knew you couldn't hold up that water!"
That's my girl, I thought proudly. But Adia had finished her tirade, not by a long-shot. "I hate you, Masood! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! Why do you have to be so useless? Why?!" I would be lying through my teeth if I said that I wasn't surprised by her tenacity. This fierce young lady was a far cry from the meek and affable girl who had cowered on my bedroom floor as I branded my displeasure into her flesh. Now, after heeding the advice of one brilliant Saria Adelah Ahmed, a beast had been unleashed, and her viper's tongue injected its deadly poison into Masood's bloodstream, where it caused an immediate reaction.
Masood swayed on his unsteady feet. Tears welled in his eyes, and Adia, coming back to her senses, put a hand up over her mouth. "Masood, I... I didn't mean that... I didn't... I'm..." Alas, she was unable to offer the desperate words of remorse that I knew she felt immediately after she'd hurt her brother's feelings. Masood, who had up until this point just stood there and took everything his little sister threw at him, stepped forward - and as he neared Adia, I worried that he might slap her across the face. I prepared to launch a vicious attack in retaliation if he dared to lay his hands on Adia, but luckily, he simply picked up the glass and paper towels, manoeuvred his way back again; this time without dropping anything, thankfully, and, after offering a final nod to the sister that had torn his esteem to shreds, he left her room for what I knew would be the final time.
The instant that the door clicked shut behind him, and he vanished from our earshot, the monster that appeared to have taken up residence in Adia's typically compassionate little body was expelled from out of her, and like a balloon deflating, she sank to the floor. "Oh, nooo," she moaned into her hands, which obscured her face from my view. "Oh, no, Saria, what have I done? Why did I have to say that to him? Oh, I must have really hurt his feelings! How could I have been so cruel? What is wrong with me? Oh, he's going to hate me now, I just know it!"
She began to hit herself in the side of the head with a closed fist. "Stupid, Adia! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" It was at this moment that I knew I couldn't just stand here and watch - much as it was giving me a real sense of accomplishment to know that I had driven a wedge between the Kalahari siblings. I wanted to gloat in Masood's pain and laugh at the memory of how awful his sister had been to him, but I knew that if I did that, I ran the risk of Adia becoming wise as to my true intentions. And we couldn't have that, now could we? No, not when I had worked so hard. Thus, it was with this thought in mind that I dropped to my knees beside her, caught her wrist in my hand and tugged it away from her face, preventing her from causing any further damage to herself.
"Don't," I said, wrapping my fingers tightly around her wrist as I spoke in a firm yet understanding tone. She turned to look at me, with watery eyes, and for a moment I thought that she might try to fight me off, which made me hold all the more firm. But after a moment, she just let out another pitiful little whimper. "There is-" I began, then stopped myself. I had been about to tell her that there was nothing for her to feel bad about, but I understood she would not agree with me on that matter.
Hence, I amended my words. "Masood does not, nor will he ever, hate you. He knows you didn't mean what you said, and maybe this will make him think about the respect he shows to you and your belongings." I stood up off the floor and extended a hand to Adia, helping her back to her feet. "Just give him some space and you can apologize later, okay?" With my thumbs, I began to gently wipe at the tears that still coated her cheeks. "Dry those eyes, sweetie, it's all going to be alright. Trust me."
After some doing, I managed to get Adia to calm down. I knew from the pain in her eyes that she would carry the weight of what she had done for quite some time, indeed, long after Masood had forgiven her. But there was no purpose to crying over spilt milk, and I, for one, was not going to spend my evening consoling a sobbing little girl who would not own up to her own decisions. I needed to take her mind off of what had just transpired, and fast, because her eyes kept being drawn back to the torn-up unicorn picture. We might well have been on the verge of another breakdown, and so, much as I didn't want to, I opted to go along with her previous suggestion of a nice and simple game of "dollhouse".
By some miracle, however, before I contented myself with the idea of sitting there and playing pretend for who knows how long, we heard Faraya's voice calling to us from downstairs. "Adia? Saria? Girls, it's time for dinner. Please wash your hands and come into the kitchen." Adia called back, telling her mother that we would be right down. There was a slight crack in her voice as she did so, but Faraya didn't seem to hear, or take any notice, and soon she was bustling away down the hall again.
"Are you sure you're alright?" I questioned Adia, not wanting her to start crying at the dinner table. That would have been rather uncomfortable for me, and would have lead to a plethora of awkward questions from Javid and Faraya. "We can take a few more minutes if you need them. Just let me know, and we'll go entirely at your pace."
Adia shook her head, disentangling herself from my embrace. "I'm fine, Saria." She smiled with her mouth but not her eyes. "I don't wanna keep everybody waiting. Come on, let's go and get washed up for dinner." Part of me bristled ever so slightly at being ordered about by her, although I knew on a cognitive level that wasn't quite what she was doing. Alas, I submitted myself to her demands, following her lead as she made her way out of her room. She left her door hanging open, not even thinking about it as she walked down the hall and vanished into the bathroom. For a moment, I thought merely to let it go - but after a minute or so, I realized that I couldn't. Whatever it was about opened bedroom doors, they just made me feel quite uncomfortable.
I quietly shut Adia's bedroom door, and followed her lead down the hall. By this time, she had emerged from the bathroom, looking all the more put-together than she had previously. The red-rims around her eyes were gone, and she held her head aloft, as if to say that the events with Masood were not going to stop us from having a good time. One truly had to admire her resilience. Placing a hand upon her shoulder, I told her that I'd be right behind her, then went into the bathroom and cleansed my face and hands in preparation for the meal that awaited us downstairs.
Permitting Adia to take the lead, I followed her down the stairs and into the kitchen. I wonder what it's going to be like, I thought, as Adia pushed open the door and stepped inside. I wasn't thinking of the food, though part of me did wonder what Faraya had cooked up for us. No, what was on my mind right now was the fact that this would be the first time that I shared a meal with what one might construe as a "normal" family. I had no idea what to expect, or indeed, how to feel in this situation - though I told myself that I would act in whatever manner was appropriate. You're an expert performer, Saria, I reminder myself, you can get through anything.
Into the kitchen we walked, and I was hit instantly with the smell of a freshly cooked meal. Upon our arrival, Faraya turned her attention from the stove, where she had been frying up something I couldn't quite envision, and offered us both a genial smile. "We're having Kabuli pulao tonight." Faraya turned to me. "I hope that's okay with you, Saria."
"That sounds lovely, Khala Faraya," I responded, placing one leg behind the other and bending down into another of those curtsies that I knew she found utterly adorable. My words were charming and gracious, forever stroking her ego, forever cementing myself as the sweet, docile, kindhearted and gentle angel that she must surely yearn could be her own daughter. "Thank you so very much for our meal tonight. Would you like me to help you with anything?"
Faraya cupped her hands over her mouth. "Oh, what a dear you are, Saria jan." Yes, I was, wasn't I? Far better than her daughter, who was already making her way over to the table without having bothered to check if her mother needed any assistance. I was the better child, and I wanted her to know that. To grace me with her kindness, not Adia. "But that's alright, sweetie, I've got everything sorted here. You just go and take your seat next to Adia." She pointed to the table, which had been set with what I imagined were their best cloth and cutlery.
I inclined my head once more, then did as she bade me, graciously lowering myself into the seat next to Adia, just as the back door opened and in stepped Javid. He wiped a sheen of sweat from off of his brow, then leaned down to press a kiss to the top of his daughter's head. "How's my little princess doing?" he asked. Adia informed him that all was well, her eyes darting back and forth towards me as she did so. Javid turned and offered me a greeting. "Ah, I see we have two princesses with us tonight," he said, with a little bow and a wink. "How are you, Saria jan? It's nice to see you again, truly."
"I fare wonderfully, Kaka Javid," I responded, knowing he would not catch onto the fact that I was lying through my teeth, "it's very nice to see you, too."
Javid moved to Faraya's side, taking her in his arms and kissing her sweetly. "Something smells delicious," he complimented. It would have been a tender moment, were it not for the fact that this was but a show. No married couple could be this happy, could be this much in love. Especially not when they had a son who was wasting away from some horrid disease. This was but a ruse, put on to ensure that Adia and I didn't notice anything was up.
Faraya pulled away from Javid, kissing him on the cheek. "I'll just go and fetch Masood, and then we can settle in for our meal. Keep an eye on things here, would you?" Javid agreed that he would, quipping that "The girls and I have it all under control, don't we?" Satisfied by this answer, Faraya left the room and went upstairs to retrieve her sickly son.
She returned a few minutes later without Masood, an expression of concern on her face. "Masood won't be joining us," she said, "he has a headache and says he'd prefer to try and sleep it off. I'll prepare some toast and water for him in an hour or so." I wondered how many meals Masood had opted not to be part of, how many times he had been sequestered within his room, complaining of a headache or another such pain. And I wondered, now, if his illness was truly the reason why he had chosen not to dine with us tonight.
I wonder, I thought, drumming my fingers against the tablecloth, how much of this has to do with his illness and how much to do with the fact that he doesn't want to be near his sister after the way she spoke to him earlier? Is he up there, weeping pathetic tears, bemoaning the cruel words that Adia threw his way? Feeling remorse over the fact that he upset her, that he drove her to this state of duress? Oh, how I hope that is the case. He is the one in the wrong here, not Adia, and most definitely not me! After all, without my guidance, Adia would never have learned to stand up for herself.
Adia must have figured the same as I did, that her brother was avoiding her, because her eyes widened at Faraya's words and she instantly lowered her gaze, focusing on her lap. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it, while she looked at me and attempted to give off the lie that she was okay.
I moved away from her before anyone could become suspicious, just as Faraya began serving up plates of Kabuli pulao. It was a traditional Afghan dish, consisting of steamed rice, lamb, carrots and an assortment of varied dried fruits and raisins. Not nearly as tasty as Aushak, but I didn't want to be seen as disrespectful by kicking up a fuss, and so, I would eat what I was given. It did smell rather appetising, though its presentation was not quite as idyllic as the meals that Tanya served back home. Then again, Faraya wasn't continually pretending that she was head-chef at some five-star restaurant and therefore every meal needed to be served up like we had foreign dignitaries as guests.
We began to eat, and instantly I was struck by how different this family was when compared to my own. For one, there was no tension. Adia was digging in happily to her meal, not worried at all about cleanliness or whether or not her parents would berate or smack her for not acting in the way that was expected. And for another? Javid was, unlike Mahmood, actually trying to engage in conversation. "How is school going for you, Saria?" he asked, through a mouthful of lamb. Guess we knew where Adia got her deplorable table manners from, now don't we? He chewed, swallowed, then addressed me once more. "You'll be transferring to middle school with Adia next year, isn't that right?"
"Yes, sir," I responded, taking a sip from the glass of juice that Faraya had given me. This was mine and Adia's last year as Primary School students. Next year would see us move up the educational ladder - wherein we would remain until the age of sixteen, at which point came the transition into high school. Such a prospect was a little nerve-wracking, I'll admit, but I didn't let on that I felt this way to Javid. He wouldn't have understood. "School has been going quite well for me thus far. I enjoy my lessons and it's so nice to have a friend like Adia to play with during recess." I turned to grin at her as I said this, and saw her dark eyes shimmer with undying devotion for me, making my chest swell with an adoration of my own.
"I'm very glad that you two are getting along so well," Faraya piped in. "Javid and I have always hoped nothing more than for our Adia to find a little playmate that she could spend time with. I think I speak for all of us in this family when I say that we are blessed she's found someone as kind as you, Saria." Her words almost made me laugh, though I quickly managed to hide that by biting my lower lip, in an attempt to make myself look shy. A faint blush made my cheeks heat up. Oh, if only they knew. If only they truly knew what I had done to their daughter, of how I was the puppet-master controlling her marionette strings. Surely they would not think me so kind then. But alas, this was a secret they would never be made privy to.
The meal continued, and with it the strange feeling I experienced being around this, for lack of better phrasing, normal family. I began to feel evermore an outsider in this picturesque scene. There was but one person in this world who would ever come close to understanding me, who would ever love me in the way that I deserved to be loved, and though our relationship was going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment, I found myself longing to be with him. Longing to feel his arms around me, his lips against my forehead. If Assef knew how badly I wanted to be loved right now, he'd hug me close and tell me I was his universe.
Alas, my other half was not here, and it would be late tomorrow afternoon before I saw him again. Yet, I contented myself with the hope that I might be able to persuade Faraya and Javid to let me call home, under the guise of bidding goodnight to my parents. At least then I might be able to hear my brother's voice, which would provide me with the comfort that I so desperately needed in this moment.
Thus, when our meal had finished, and I'd helped Faraya clean the plates away - insisting on doing so, even as she told me that it was alright - I broached the topic with her. "I hope you don't mind," I said, digging my toe into the linoleum kitchen floor and speaking in a voice barely above a whisper. "But, well... I... I wanted to phone home to say goodnight to my family before I go to bed. We always do, you know, and I'd feel bad if I didn't do it now. Uhm, if... if that's okay with you, Khala Faraya. Please?" I looked up at her, my sky-blue eyes wide, almost daring her to say no to a face as innocent as this.
She didn't refuse, however. She was caught on my hook just as her daughter was, and there was nothing she wouldn't do to make dear, sweet Saria happy. "Of course you may, darling," she cooed, "why, you may phone home at any time, that's always fine with us." She placed a hand on my shoulder, motherly, comforting. "Javid's office is just down the hall. The second door on your left. You take all the time that you need, okay?" Faraya then turned with a playful grin to her daughter. "This little miss here can help me with the washing up, can't you, Adia?"
Adia pulled a face, rolling her eyes. Faraya caught this, but rather than punishing or lecturing her, as Tanya would have done to me, she merely dipped her hands into the water-filled sink and flicked them in Adia's direction, causing her to shriek and throw up her arms. This was clearly a mother-daughter bonding time that I was not meant to be a part of, and so, I turned on my heel and walked quietly out of the room, making my way down the hall, until at last I reached the door to Javid's office.
Placing my hand upon the doorknob, I turned it once, hoping that it would be unlocked and that I wouldn't have to go calling for Faraya or Javid to open it for me. I could have done without that awkwardness. Thankfully, however, this was not something I needed to contend with, as the door quickly came ajar, permitting me access to the room. I pushed on the frame with my shoulder, and walked inside, before turning and closing the door behind me. Needed to be afforded privacy in this moment after all, even if my darling and I would be speaking in a language that nobody else in this house could understand.
I stole a quick glance around the room. Javid's office appeared far more, well, homely, than Mahmoods. Yes, it was a place of work - that I could tell from the folders and documents strewn across his desk, but it also didn't feel as if his family were barred from entry. And there, hanging on the walls, stuck there with Blu tack, were childish drawings and scribbles that Adia had made. Just as she'd said, her father considered her artwork worthy of being pride of place in his workstation.
Once more ignoring how uncomfortable this made me, I walked briskly to the desk and sat down. I picked up the receiver and held it to my ear as I dialled my house number, listening to the dial-tone, waiting for someone to answer. A few moments passed, before I heard my father's gruff voice on the other end of the line. "Mahmood Ahmed speaking, how may I help you?" Formal as always. He must have thought this was a business call or something. I was quick to dissuade him of that notion, however.
"It's me, Papa," I said. He gave a little exclamation of disappointment. Well, that was a mutual feeling if ever one did exist between us. But I wasn't about to let him stop me from achieving my goal, from talking to the one person that I was actually calling for. "I'm just calling to say goodnight."
I must give credit where it is due, my father knew instantaneously what I meant by that. "I'll go get your brother," he told me, and I heard him place the receiver onto his desk. There was a brief moment of silence from my end, wherein I waited with quiet apprehension for the moment where I would hear my darling's voice. Sure enough, within minutes, there he was, on the other end of the line.
"Saria?" Oh, how I had missed his voice, even in these short hours we had been apart. My heart skipped a beat and I let out a quiet sigh as I placed my hand on my chin, almost swooning in delight. No matter our troubles, no matter the issues we were facing, nobody could bring me greater joy than Assef. And I knew from his tone that he was just as elated to be speaking to me, too. "How are you, little sister? How is everything going there? Are they treating you right? Is Adia behaving herself? What have you been up to?"
In hushed tones, speaking German, I relayed the details of my evening thus far, including the incident that lead to Masood and Adia's disagreement - though I left out any details of Masood's illness. I had promised Adia I would keep quiet, after all. "It didn't even take much for me to convince her," I told my brother, laughing. "Just a few well placed words and she was off to the races. I've never known her to be so cruel, I didn't think she had it in her. It was almost as good as a Just Because."
Assef chuckled heartily. "Seems Little Miss Perfect has a dark side to her after all," he mused. "I wish I could have seen it, Liebchen. Wish I might have been a fly on the wall while she tore into her brother. Poor, pathetic Masood, he must not have known what hit him!" We shared a laugh at that, united in the misery that I had opted to cause. I could tell my other half was proud of me for having driven a wedge between Masood and Adia; even though he didn't say it.
"Wish you could have been there too, my Assef," I whispered, twirling the phone cord around my index finger as I did so. "Wish that you could be here right now. It feels odd, you know, to not be able to hug you goodnight." That had never happened before, after all. "That's why I had to call. I had to hear your voice. To know you miss me just as much as I miss you. I don't think for a second that I would be able to find rest if I didn't."
"Miss you too, my darling Saria," Assef replied. "Everything seems all that much more tedious without you. All that more lonely. Even with spending the day with Wali and Kamal, it just... I couldn't help but to feel as if there was someone missing, you know? And our parents have been their usual distant selves, so it's just— I can't wait for you to come back. You won't stay for too long tomorrow, now will you?" I affirmed to him that I would not, and he exhaled in relief. "Good. Maybe we can take another trip to the market, see if I can't treat you to a new kite or something, yeah?"
We continued chatting back and forth for what seemed like eternity, but in reality, was simply not long enough. At some point, I glanced at the clock that hung upon the wall in the far corner of the room and determined that forty-five minutes had passed. Shit! Hadn't realized I'd been on this long! Better finish up before I get into trouble for taking too long on this call! With a heavy heart, I resigned myself to the knowledge that I would have to say farewell to my other half, at least for now. "Assef, I hate to leave you, but I'll need to get going now. I'll see you tomorrow, as soon as possible. I love you so much, big brother. Goodnight."
My dearest obviously didn't want to hang up, but he knew we both had no choice in the matter. "I love you too, Liebchen. So very much. I'm anxiously awaiting the moment where you return for me. My soul burns for you, my beloved Saria. Sleep well." With that, I heard the call disconnect on his end and I too hung up. Feeling all the better at hearing my Assef's voice, I walked out of Javid's office with a spring in my step. After thanking Faraya profusely for allowing me to make the call - and answering a question or two about my family's well-being, I retreated back upstairs to Adia's room, where the two of us passed another hour with a childish game of dolls.
At some point, as we were in the midst of our game, the door opened and Faraya stood there. "It's starting to get a little late, girls," she said, "time for you to be getting ready for bed." Really? It wasn't even nine o'clock yet, I would have stayed up another hour at least were I to be at home. But I was under Faraya's dominion now, and I had to do as she commanded. I instantly pulled my nightgown from out of my rucksack, laying it down on the bed as Faraya turned now to speak with Adia. "Adi, dear, your nightgown is still in the laundry basket, so you'll have to wear your bunny pyjamas, okay? They're in the linen closet."
Bunny pyjamas? For a twelve-year-old? What the fuck? I almost wanted to burst out laughing, though managed to bite my tongue. "Okay, Mommy!" Adia chirped, not bothered one iota at the prospect of needing to wear such childish clothing. "Saria, you can get dressed here, and I'll use the bathroom." Without even giving me a chance to respond, she left the room, with Faraya close behind her, affording me my privacy.
I quickly changed into my long, white nightgown, and was sitting on the bed, running a hairbrush through my long, golden tresses when Adia returned. And if I'd wanted to laugh at the idea of her wearing bunny pyjamas, I wanted to collapse into shrieking fits when I saw them in person. They were white, adorned with pink, hopping bunnies, the legs too short to reach her ankles. I wondered how old they were, when Adia had received them. You couldn't have gotten me to wear anything like that if you'd paid me a million rupia. I'd have ripped the fucking head off anyone who dared to suggest it.
But Adia didn't seem all that concerned, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings by making fun. Hence, I shoved aside my mirth and extended a hand in her direction. "Come, Adia jan, let me brush your hair for you?" That was the friendly, nay, the sisterly thing to do, after all, wasn't it? She obediently made her way to my side, and I tenderly carded the brush through her hair, being sure not to hurt when I hit a snag or tangle. Eventually I was done, which Adia thanked me profusely like the good little pet she was. I had just finished brushing my teeth when Faraya returned to tuck Adia into bed.
She was quick to hop down from her bed and onto the mattress that had been laid out for her. I pulled back the covers to Adia's bed and got in, snuggling down as I watched Faraya kneel next to Adia and gently brush a lock of hair behind her forehead. "Goodnight, my dear. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite." With that, she leaned down to press a kiss to the side of Adia's head. I expected her to leave the room after that, turn out the lights and let us to our own devices, but instead, she did something that baffled me.
Leaning across the mattress, Faraya repeated the same process she had done for Adia with me. Brushing the hair from my face and kissing my forehead. "Goodnight, Saria jan. Sleep well. Remember, Javid and I are just down the hall if you need us, for any reason. Okay?"
I didn't quite know how to respond to that, and her motherly inclinations were too foreign for me to understand what to do with. "Okay," I murmured, hoping that she didn't catch the way my voice stuck on the lump in my throat. Faraya crossed the room, turning off the light and quietly shutting the door behind her. I stole a glance at Adia, who had turned away from me, her eyes closed, obviously wanting to get to sleep as soon as was possible. A sentiment that I shared with her, though I knew it would be a long night of tossing and turning for me before I managed to find rest.
Too much going on in my frazzled little mind, after all. Too many thoughts. Too many concerns and worries. And, this may seem stupid, but given that it was the first time that I ever spent a night away from home, I couldn't help but to feel unsettled at the idea that I wasn't in my own bed. At the knowledge that I couldn't just get up and slip down the corridor to Assef's room if I needed him. Faraya and Javid would be a poor substitute and there was no fucking way that I'd be running to them if I had a nightmare.
Just close your eyes, Saria, I ordered myself. Just close your eyes and try to sleep. The sooner you can do that, the sooner morning will come. Just relax. You'll fall asleep in no time, and you know it. I turned to face the wall, drawing my knees up to my chest, and did as my thoughts commanded, praying that I would be able to find some rest. And it would appear that the universe saw fit to provide mercy to my restless psyche, as no sooner had I done so, then the world faded away into black and I was deep in slumber.
A few hours later, I cannot quite transcribe how long had passed, I was about to roll over onto my other side, when I heard a loud thud. I jolted in bed, the way that one does when they awaken from falling in a dream. The adrenaline course through me, and I pushed myself back against the wall, a little bit of me concerned that if I jolted again, I would be knocked right out of bed and on top of the still sleeping Adia. Just a dream, I spoke silently, closing my eyes again. Just a dream, Saria, that's all. Just a reflex, nothing to be concerned about. Go back to sleep, come on.
But no sooner were those thoughts complete, then I heard another loud thud. Then another. Another. The sound of a bedroom door opening. Hurrried footsteps running across the hall. A scream, high-pitched. A woman's voice, Tanya's? No, Tanya didn't sound like that. Thundering footsteps charging down a flight of stairs. Another scream. A man's voice, crying out in anguish. Voices blending together. "Masood, Masood!" Faraya's voice. Javid's voice. Adia's voice.
Adia's voice? That threw me for a loop. In my groggy haze, I couldn't understand just what she might be screaming about. Was she having a nightmare? If so, then I was prepared to let her climb into bed with me, to offer the comfort that she would need at such a time. But... I'd heard Faraya screaming too, and if this was Adia's nightmare I was hearing, then what would she be yelling about? Why would she and Javid have gone running down the stairs as if their very lives depended upon getting to the bottom as soon as possible? No, I finally realized,not their very lives...
It hit me, then, what had happened. And in that instant, as Adia exclaimed, "What was that?! What's going on?!" I became fully awake. My eyes squinted as I tried to adjust them to the now pitch-black room. Another shriek from downstairs, echoed in kind by the girl laying on the mattress a few inches from me. Before I could even blink, Adia had leapt to her feet. "I have to, I have to see—" She darted across the room before I had the chance to register that she was standing upright.
"Wait!" I cried. "Adia, no, hold on! Don't—" I threw out an arm, grappling to catch hold of her wrist, to pull her back and stop her from seeing whatever horrors lay beyond the safety of her bedroom door. But my fingers grappled at nothing. "No, Adia, no! Damn it!" I couldn't let this happen. I had to go after her. Disentangling myself from the bed sheets, which were now wrapped tight around my frame, I literally dove out of bed, landing heavily on my knees on the mattress. I quickly rebounded and sprinted out of the door, looking down the hallway for Adia. I caught sight of her at the top of the stairs, frozen, rooted to the spot.
Not knowing what I would find when I reached the girl, I bravely hurried to her side. "Adia, come on, it's—" The words faded before I could even get them out. I looked at what Adia was staring at, and I knew, I knew with every bone in my tiny body, that if I told her it was alright, then it would be one of the greatest lies I had ever told in my twelve, short years of life. There was no way to see what we were both seeing and not conclude the very worst.
At first, I'll admit, I could barely make out anything aside from Javid and Faraya bent over a shape lying on the floor. Were those legs, poking out from behind Faraya's torso? It was hard to tell. Some part of me didn't want to tell. I tugged on Adia's arm, trying to get her to come back with me. She didn't budge. Then, Faraya moved ever so slightly, and I was able to get a proper glimpse at what, or rather, who, was lying in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs.
"Masood!" Yes, there he was. Lying on his back at the foot of the stairs. One arm thrown haphazardly across the floor, palm up, fingers unclenched, the other pointed upwards, as if reaching for the banister, as if he'd been attempting to hold on and failed miserably. His head was turned away from us, so I couldn't quite see his face, but there was a trickle of blood coming out of his nose and mouth. Around his head, covering the floor where he must have landed, was a puddle of what, judging by the smell, was vomit.
He must have woken up in the middle of the night, to fetch himself another glass of water, no doubt his illness had made him feel queasy. Then, before he had even made it halfway down the stairs, his limbs had failed him and he'd gone tumbling all the way to the bottom, where he now lay, oblivious to the commotion going on all around him. It was almost a funny sight, this broken creature lying there. The type of accident that I might have found a macabre humor in. Or at least, I would have, were it not for the fact that this was Adia's brother we were talking about, and that my best friend was right there with me, gaping in open-mouthed horror at her sibling's limp body.
"Masood, Masood!" she cried again, eyes wide in terror. "Masood, no, no! Nooo!" Some protective instinct, that lurked deep within a vestige of my soul that I knew not existed, came roaring to life. There was no way in hell that I was going to allow her to see this. No way! Reaching out with a trembling hand, I caught her by the shoulder and whirled her around, ensuring that she was facing me, now, and not the stairs. Had to keep her from seeing, to keep her from knowing. Had to protect her innocence as much as was humanly possible, no matter how difficult an endeavour that would turn out to be.
I tenderly began to stroke her hair, much as I had done earlier. "Hush, Adia, hush now, I've got you, I've got you. Just hold onto me, sweeting, it's alright. Just hold me and breathe, deep breaths, in and out, there we go." I attempted to regulate my own breathing, in an attempt to provide Adia of what the knowledge of what to do. Didn't want her to have a panic attack. But even as I shielded Adia from what was going on downstairs, I gifted myself no such luxury, and I was left with a front row seat to the carnage that the Kalahari family now found themselves a part of.
The shrieking was loud enough to almost burst my fucking eardrums. "Oh God! OH MY GOD! MASOOD! SPEAK TO US, MY SON! SPEAK TO US! PLEASE! WAKE UP!" came Faraya's hoarse voice. If it wasn't for me having Adia in my arms, I would have pressed my hands against my ears. For crying out loud, you dumb woman! I chastised in my mind, either do something that will actually help the situation or shut the fuck up! This carrying on that you're doing isn't helping matters, and what's worse, it's giving me a fucking headache! Damn it, and damn you too, Javid, not doing a fucking thing to stop this. Knock some sense into your wife, why don't you?
Faraya threw her head back and screamed again. "MASOOODDDDD! PLEAAASEE!" I could feel Adia quivering in my arms and I clutched her tightly, wanting to block her eyes and ears from her mother's agonized shrieks, shrieks that cut through my core despite my best efforts to keep them out. They were the cries of a wounded animal, of a poor creature that had caught its leg within a bear trap. Was this what Tanya sounded like? On the day that Sami died? Those horrible, demented screams? Did they come from my mother's lips all those years ago, just as they were coming from Faraya's now?
The thoughts sprung unbidden to my mind, coupled with a mental picture of my mother falling onto her knees in a hospital room floor and howling in pain and anguish as a nameless, faceless doctor informed her of her second-born child's demise. Stop, Saria! I told myself, stop thinking like this! Sami's years dead and buried and now isn't the fucking time! I tightened my grip round Adia' and stole yet another look at what was happening downstairs.
Javid, who was ghost-white and looked as if he was about to provide his own vomit on the floor to join Masood's, placed a hand on his wife's back. He rubbed small circles into it, trying to get her to calm down. But his fingers were trembling and furthermore, the sobbing mother didn't appear even to register that he had touched her. "Can you hear me, Masood?" he asked, to which there came no response. He bent down, and with the hand not trying to comfort Faraya, placed his index and middle finger against Masood's neck.
"There's a pulse!" he said, loud enough for it to carry up the stairs. Not that it would have registered with Adia, who was crying so loudly that she wouldn't have heard that bit of information even if I'd screamed it into her ear. But it had the desired affect on Faraya, who crumpled in relief and began sobbing onto Masood's chest, which was now barely rising and falling. Javid repeated his words, his voice quaking. "There's a pulse. It's going to be okay. Do you hear me, Masood? You're going to be okay!"
I could hear the false positivity in his voice as he said this, and I wondered just how much of this did he truly believe. Adia let out another wail and I continued my feeble attempts to hush her. "Shh, shh, it's going to be alright. Did you hear your father? He's got a pulse. That means he's not..." I kissed her head, cradling her like a newborn infant in my tender embrace. "That means he's going to be okay. Please, Adia, stop crying, please, it's okay, sweetheart." Over and over did I repeat these words, torn between the sisterly side of me that wanted to comfort Adia and the morbidly curious part that was more eager to get downstairs and take front row seat to the action.
A faint moan came from downstairs - Masood was coming to! I watched almost in disbelief as his eyelids began fluttering and he turned his head just enough so that he was now gazing up at the ceiling. His lips parted and he moaned again, then began coughing like someone who hasn't had water in days. Upon seeing this, Javid cried out in ecstasy. "Masood! You're awake! Faraya, Faraya!" he tugged on her arm, pulling her off of Masood's body, which she was still currently draped across. "He's awake, do you see? He's awake! Oh, thank you, God! Thank you!"
But no sooner had these words of gratitude fallen from his lips, then such joy burned away as it became clear just how terribly injured and sick Masood was. Javid and Faraya both placed a hand under his arm, guiding him to a sitting position, leaning against the banister. His head flopped forward, a thin line of drool running onto his pajama top. He moaned, but no coherent words came out. I watched as his parents lifted his chin, trying to find some sign of life in his eyes. But, though they were open, they were glassy and vacant, eyes that looked but didn't see. He swayed, unable to remain upright on his own power. It was only due to Javid catching his arm and holding him that he was able to prevent his son from hitting the ground once more.
Masood turned his head and vomited again, crying out in pain. The smell was so horrendous that it made me want to gag, but neither Faraya, nor Javid, nor the still-weeping Adia, seemed to care. Javid looked into Masood's eyes. "Masood? Masood, can you hear me? Do you know where you are? Do you know who I am? Please, please say something! Please, please come back to us!" But Masood could only moan and cry, as if his mind had taken leave of his body and flown off like a bird to some far away place.
He didn't register his father's voice, nor his mother's words as she staggered to her feet. "I'm... I'll... I'm... I'm going to..." She leaned on the wall and for a moment, I wondered if she too was going to collapse. "I'll... We're going to get you some help, baby, just hang in there. Mommy and Daddy will take care of you, sweetheart, just, please, please fight, Masood. Fight like you always have..." She staggered off into the kitchen, almost tripping over herself with each step. Realizing that his son would not be able to hold himself upright on his own volition, Javid carefully moved Masood into the center of the hallway and laid him down, before darting off after his wife.
While all this was going on, I kept thinking that eventually, they would turn towards the top of the stairs and see me standing there, see me holding their daughter in my arms. Or that they would hear her cries and then, surely one of them would get it into their heads to come up here and provide assistance. There was no way that I could do this alone, was there? Yet that didn't happen, and as Adia wriggled free of the lock I had on her, I knew now without a shadow of a doubt that I had to be the one to take charge!
I barely recognized that I was no longer holding onto her, when I caught sight of the pitiful wretch fumbling towards the stairs. She was sobbing her brother's name, arms reaching towards him. "Masood, oh God, oh no! Big brother!" I knew in that instant that I had to act fast. Had to prevent her from going down those steps. Her fragile mind would not survive what lay waiting her at the bottom. I darted forward, exerting all of my strength as I grabbed the back of Adia's pyjama top and pulled her backwards.
The shock of having somebody catch hold of her jolted Adia out of whatever daze she was in. She immediately began to fight against me, thrashing in her attempt to get away. But I pulled her closer, and when she was near enough, I threw an arm around her waist, hauling her back. "Adia, no! No, for fuck sake, you do NOT want to go down there! Do you hear me? You DON'T! Just... just listen to me, please! You're not... oh, fuck... you're not going to help matters if you go charging over all upset like this. Come on, please, back to your room!"
Adia continued to struggle, attempting to throw me off of her. "No, Saria, let go! Let me go! Please, please, you don't understand, you don't understand! I have to go down there! I have to see him! Have to make sure he's alright! I c-can't lose him, not now, not when—" The words didn't come, but we both knew what she was thinking. How could she live with herself if her brother died with those awful words she said to him earlier being the last words they ever spoke to one another? In that sense, my heart, ever hardened by life's dark calamities, did break for her. If something happened to Assef, especially after our fight, then I wouldn't have been able to go on. Wouldn't have been able to take another breath in this world. Was it truly fair of me to expect Adia to remain calm when she was going through something as unthinkable as this?
But I knew there was no choice to be had in the matter. Adia grabbed hold of the newel post, that little round piece at the top of the stairs. She held firm, digging her heels into the carpet as I tried to lift her up. Which, given my shortness of stature and tiny frame, wasn't going so well. I grunted with the herculean effort of trying to pull her back. One hand started to claw her fingers away, while the other tugged, pulled and yanked so hard that her clothes almost ripped. "Work with me here, Adia," I hissed, "Damn it, you little brat, I'm trying to HELP you here. Stop fucking fighting me!"
Eventually, I managed to free Adia's hands, and was pulling her towards her room. She was still fighting against me, sobbing uncontrollably. Her nails clawed at my arms, trying to remove them from off of her. A sharp pain in my flesh as I felt beads of blood drip down onto the carpet. I snarled. The little cunt had scratched me! "Oh, you are so fucking lucky that I've chosen to be understanding of your plight, Adia," I hissed into the girl's ear. "So fucking lucky. You... Why the fuck aren't your parents dealing with you? Why does it have to fall on me?"
We were nearing Adia's bedroom door now, which still hung ajar. The second that I was close enough to do so, I practically threw Adia inside and shut the door, forcing my body up against it to prevent her from trying to get away again. "Get..." I spoke through heavy breaths, whether from exertion or anger at being clawed at, I knew not, "get over to the bed, Adia. Get over there and sit down. Now!" I flicked on the light switch then, and upon seeing the pitiful waif that was my friend, I couldn't help but for the rage I was experiencing to melt away.
Her hair, which I had earlier brushed until it shone, now stood matted at the top of her head, pieces that she had torn free of her scalp clung to her fingertips. Her face was red and puffy, eyes swollen with tears that dripped repeatedly down her cheeks. She wrapped trembling arms around herself, bending forward as she wailed in pain and misery. "... 'M'sorry," she whispered, "Sorry, Saria. Didn't mean to scratch you, really, I didn't. I... I just... Please, didn't mean to, didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I'll sit down. I... I... I..."
She walked to her bed, laying down onto the mattress as her strength failed her. Curling onto her side, she rocked back and forth, gasping for air as she sobbed. "My brother, my brother, my brother..." No longer upset with her, now my conscience bade me to hold this lost girl, to provide her with the reassurance that she desperately cried out for. I made my way to her side, kneeling next to her as I placed a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it up and down, attempting to get my own breathing under control. Couldn't afford to lose it, no, not now, not when Adia needed me.
"It's going to be alright, Adia jan," I repeated that phrase over and over again, laying beside her as I held her tightly, just as Assef always did for me. I combed her matted, sweat-covered hair and sung quietly to her in German. Of course, I realized that there was no way she would be able to understand a word of what I was saying, but I prayed that on some level that sound of my gentle voice would bring a tiny bit of assurance to her. "I'm here, darling, I've got you. Nothing will happen to you, not so long as I'm here. Just close your eyes, sweetheart. Close your eyes and try to regulate your breathing. The last thing we need is for you to have a panic attack, hmm?" She didn't even acknowledge me, continuing to sob bitterly. Nothing mattered, in Adia's eyes, nothing except the brother that now lay in a shattered heap downstairs.
Frantic sounds wafted through the floorboards. Javid and Faraya running to and fro. The kitchen door opening, along with cupboards and drawers being flung open. The noise of running water from a tap. More voices. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I knew that they were talking to Masood. Is he even able to respond? I wondered, straining my ears. He seemed completely out of it. Does he even have working brain function now? I've never seen anything so pathetic. There's no way he can come back from this, right?
But of course I wasn't going to inform Adia of my thoughts. I had enough sense to know that engaging her in a lively conversation about her brother probably ending up either brain damaged or deceased was not the best thing to be doing at this moment in time. I knew enough about the appropriate emotions that other people felt to know how to properly act in this situation. To know that I had to stifle any mirth in lieu of putting across an air of concern for Adia. A concern that I honestly did feel, even if it was overshadowed by irritability toward her parents.
Where, just where the fuck, where the flying fuck, were Faraya and Javid? Had they not heard the commotion that Adia was making? Didn't they notice me struggling to drag her into her bedroom? Didn't they hear her cries, her desperate sobs as she tried to wrench my hands from off of her body? Did they spare not a thought for the two little girls, the two children that had borne witness to this family tragedy? Had they forgotten they had a guest in their home? Forgotten their promise to Mahmood and Tanya that they would take care of me during the hours I spent in their abode? Just what was going on down there?
I wanted to go downstairs and see for myself the condition Masood was in, but I knew I couldn't leave Adia, not in this state. And I certainly didn't want her getting any ideas and running down after me. The answer soon came, though it was not all what I expected. I had managed, not to calm Adia down, but to get her to a state where she was no longer bawling her eyes out and instead lay sniffling and whimpering, occasionally crying out for her brother, yet otherwise not speaking at all. I figured that now might be my best chance to go out and see what was going on, but just as I rose from off of the mattress and was about to tiptoe into the hall, I heard it.
The unmistakable sound of the front door opening. Panicked voices as someone fumbled with the key-chain and pulled the lock open. A resounding crash as the door was flung open, hitting the wall on the other side. More running footsteps. The sound of a car door opening and closing. The engine being fired up. Tires squealing along the gravel. Then... silence. Total and utter silence. The kind that is truly unsettling. The kind that left my mind whirring as I tried to understand what had just happened.
Oh, I knew, deep within the recesses of my mind, what had just happened. But some part of me didn't want to admit it. No. That... that wasn't possible. They couldn't... they wouldn't. I refused to believe that anyone could be that fucking stupid! Refused to believe that Faraya and Javid would have done what I thought they did. I strained my ears, listening out for any further signs of them. Nothing. Then I would have to go and check this out, wouldn't I? I turned to Adia, who was now sitting up in bed, looking up at me with wide eyes.
"Stay there," I told her. Before she could respond, I tore out of the bedroom door and raced down the stairs, taking them all but two at a time. I managed to skirt around the puddle of vomit that was still on the floor - fucking disgusting that nobody thought to clean it up - and hurried to the front door. Reaching up on tiptoe, I made to grab the lock-chain and pull the door open. My fingers caught around it, hanging loose, and I was surprised to realise that the door remained unlocked. I flung the door open and made my way outside.
The gravel bit into the undersides of my bare feet, unforgiving rain pelting down on me, causing my hair to stick to my head, as I went a few paces down the now empty driveway. I looked back and forth, up and down, left and right. Squinting my eyes, I tried to make out any evidence of Faraya and Javid's car. Praying that I would see them, not gone so far that I would be able to catch their attention and they would realise what they had done. But there was nothing, absolutely nothing, and as I stood there in the pouring downpour, I came to the realisation of what had happened.
They had left us. In their panic to help Masood - to get him to a hospital - Faraya and Javid had entirely forgotten about the children that were also under their care. Rage bubbled up within me, the idea that anyone, even a sick young boy, could be determined to be of more importance than me - was mind-boggling. And then I heard another sob at the front door. I whipped around, looking at Adia, who had forgone my command to stay in her room, and was now standing in the door-frame, quivering from head to foot. "Saria?" she called, desperately. "Saria, what's going on? Where's Mommy and Daddy?"
I walked back to her, stomping my feet in the beginning of a tantrum. I caught hold of Adia's upper arm, guiding her back into the house with me. She was putty in my hands, moving wherever I wanted her to go. Once I had closed the front door again, I steered Adia into the living room, and sat her down on the couch. "They left us," I muttered, grinding my teeth as I stood in the centre of the room, hands clutching my nightgown. "Drove off in the middle of the FUCKING night and just left us behind. Left ME behind, their fucking GUEST! What is wrong with them? What the FUCK is WRONG with them?!"
A guttural cry of fury escaped from my lips before I could force it back in. I pounded my feet against the carpet, spitting, snarling, hissing, loudly berating Faraya and Javid for having abandoned us. In the midst of this tantrum, I very well could have torn the room - the house - to pieces. I most certainly wanted to. Wanted to thrash this fucking place and leave a mess that would take them forever to clean up. It was only the image of Adia, curled up on the sofa, her hands covering her ears as she tried to block out the sounds of my fearsome fury, that brought me tumbling down to Earth again.
Looks like you've got to be the adult here, Saria, I told myself, nobody else is here, and Adia's not going to be of any help to you. So you've got to be the one to take charge and protect her.
"Adia," I said gently, trying to catch her attention. She didn't move. I slowly approached, one foot, then the next, until I was right in front of her. Getting down onto my knees once more, I took her hands and pulled them from her ears. There came a squeak of protest, but she didn't fight against me. I wondered if there was any fight left in her. "I'm sorry for losing my cool," I lied, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I just... I don't know what we're going to do. I really... really don't." Her eyes widened as I admitted this, brow furrowed in confusion at the realisation that brave, powerful, incredible Saria was unable to help her with her problem. But what was I to do? I had never been left in charge before. Had never been left to take care of a traumatised child.
Either my parents and brother had always been with me. And in cases where Mahmod and Tanya weren't there, then Hamilra was present, just in case we needed her. I had never been alone, never, not once. And now, much as I hated to admit it, I knew what needed to be done. There was no point in trying to deal with this by myself. I needed outside help. Rising to my feet, I lifted a small blanket that lay next to the couch and gently placed it over top of Adia, bending to whisper in her ear.
"I'm going to phone home," I told her, "I don't know when your parents are coming back, or even if they've realised that they've left us behind, but regardless, I just don't feel right about the two of us being here on our own." Adia opened her mouth to protest, but I placed a finger on her lips to stop the words from coming out. "Don't try to argue with me on this, Adia, it's happening. I'm sorry but I've been left with utterly no choice in the matter. Now, you just stay right there until I come back, alright?"
She nodded, wrapping her arms around her stomach where I had burned her. Was she perhaps fearful of what might happen, of what terrible fate might befall her now that we were alone and I had the power to do whatever I so chose to her? She needn't have worried, of course. In this moment, it was not for her that my anger and hatred was reserved. Instead, I felt a strange feeling that I might describe as being akin to pity, for the broken little girl on the couch. It was for her benefit as well as my own that I was doing this, that I was risking the ire that I knew I would cause my parents to exhibit if I called them so late at night.
Making my way down the hall, I slipped once more into Javid's office, throwing open the door and walking inside. I hesitated for a moment, then slammed the door shut, kicking it as I did so. "That's for leaving me to deal with your shit, you son of a bitch!" I spat, before heading over to his desk and grabbing the receiver again. My fingers quivered as I dialled, then waited for someone to answer. I looked up at the clock, noting that it was 2:30am. Please pick up, damn it, please, please, be awake! Then... a click.
"You've reached the home of Mahmood and Tanya Ahmed. We're not available at the moment, but if you'd care to leave a message after the tone, we'll get back to you as-"
"FUCK YOU!" I screamed, slamming the phone down before the automated message had even the chance to finish. I tried again, shifting uncomfortably in my chair, as the dial tone rang out in my ears. Hoping that I wouldn't get that fucking answering machine once more. If I did, then I was liable to entirely lose my cool. "Pick up, pick up, I swear to God, I'm going to keep phoning until somebody answers, so you might as well-"
And then... my mother's voice, groggy, tired, and annoyed, but more welcome than ever it had been. "Hello?"
"Mama!" I cried, almost falling back in relief. "Oh, Mama, thank goodness you answered. I-"
Tanya cut across me before my sentence was completed. "Saria Adelah, have you any idea what time it is?!" she barked. "Well, do you? Because if you don't, then let me inform you, little lady, it is half-past two in the morning. Just what do you think you're doing, waking me up? Where are Faraya and Javid? Do they know that you're sneaking around their house in the middle of the night, wracking up their utility bill like this? I swear, you had better have a really good explanation for this, or so help me, when you get back home tomorrow, your father will whip you until you won't even think about sitting down for a week, do you understand? Now, you march yourself back to bed and I don't want to hear about you for the rest of the evening. Insolent little-"
"No!" I shrieked, catching Tanya's attention as she was obviously just about to put the phone down. "No, please! Please don't hang up, Mama, I need you! Faraya and Javid aren't here! There... there was an accident and they l-left.."
There was a sharp intake of breath from the other end. "And just what do you mean by that?"
I gulped, praying that her motherly instinct, small though it was, would kick in when she had learned of the whole, sordid tale. "It's Masood," I sniffled, "he fell down the stairs or something. I don't know, but it looked really bad. And.. and Faraya and Javid must have left to take him to the hospital or something. But they completely forgot about me and Adia. We're all alone now and..." Unbidden, the frustrated tears welled in my eyes, but I didn't fight them away, choosing instead to make them out to be tears of fear and apprehension. I sobbed bitterly as I pleaded for Tanya to understand what I was getting at. "Adia's a mess, she's been crying this whole time and I don't know how to help her. I... I know I shouldn't be calling in the middle of the night, but I don't know how to get hold of Javid or Faraya and I didn't know what else to do. Mommy, please... please..."
"Fucking hell..." Tanya swore in German on the other end. This threw me for a loop, as I'd never heard such language from out of her mouth before. I flinched unconsciously. Despite being nowhere near each other, it seemed that my mother could instil apprehension in me even from this far away. She was all business, getting right to the point, for which I had to commend her. "I need you to listen to me, Saria, and listen good. Your father and I will come to you. We'll be there in about fifteen minutes, give or take. Do you think you and Adia can hang on until then?" I confirmed to her that yes, I could. "As soon as you put the phone down, you will go to the front door and lock it. Do NOT open it for any reason, until we've arrived. Just stay with Adia for now."
A pause. Then, "we'll be there soon, I promise." With that, both Tanya and I hung up. Quickly returning to the front door, I locked it and pulled the chain across. It didn't do much for my nerves, but it would offer some level of security for Adia and I while we waited for my parents to arrive. Then, I walked back to the living room and sat on the couch, taking Adia's hand in my own and absently playing with her fingers, as she turned to blink at me with puffy eyes.
"My parents are on their way," I told her. "They'll be here soon, and then they'll be able to figure out what to do. We've just got to hang on in there until then? Do you think you can do that for me?" She nodded, and I patted her hand. "That's a good girl. Would you like me to fetch you a glass of water or anything?" No sooner had I made the offer, however, then there came a frantic knocking on the front door.
Here, already? I thought, unable to quite believe it. But then I heard, not my mother or father's voice, but the voice that instantly calmed the raging ocean within my core. "Saria? Saria, Liebchen, it's me. I'm here with Mother and Father. Can you come over and open the door, please?" Seconds later, there was another knock upon the front door, entirely unnecessary, really, because I was hurrying over there the second that I'd heard my other half's voice. I removed the lock once more and then, there they were, standing in the dimly-lit porch, all three of them dressed and with raincoats pulled on. Mahmood. Tanya. Assef.
The instant that my eyes locked onto my brother's, all pretence of courage and strength melted away from me. No longer needing to be the strong one, I became what I had always been from the moment that I first heard those animalistic screams from Faraya. A terrified little girl, a child who had been abandoned by the adults who were meant to have me under their protection. A child who had been forced through no fault of her own to take charge in a situation that she never ought to have been put in in the first place. But now, my defender was here, and in him I would find the solace I yearned for.
Tears ran down my cheeks as I wordlessly held my arms up to my brother, the way a toddler might when asking to be held by a parent. Assef bent down and wrapped his arms around my quivering frame, lifting me up. My legs dangled for a second before I wrapped them about his waist, burying my face in his shoulder as he held me close, whispering tender words of comfort into my ear. "It's alright, Liebchen, I'm here now. I've got you. You're safe now, don't cry. Please don't cry."
"Where is Adia?" Tanya asked. Unable to say a word, unable to even lift my head from off of Assef's shoulder, I pointed towards the living room. The three of us made our way in there. Assef carried me over to an armchair and sat down, cradling me in his lap. His fingers gently carded through my hair, as he continued to offer whatever tender ministrations he could, in the hopes that he might be able to bind the mental wounds that I was feeling forthwith. Mahmood cleared his throat, but made no effort to go near anyone, instead standing in the living room doorway, his hands deep in his coat pockets.
My mother noticed Adia, who was staring up at all of us with a mixture of pain, fear, and shame on her countenance. Whatever maternal instinct Tanya possessed kicked into overtime. She made a noise of sympathy, cooing as she hurried to the girl's side, taking Adia in her arms and holding her close. "Oh, sweetheart," she whispered. Adia, like me, was entirely numb to what was going on. She allowed my mother to guide her into a sitting position, resting her head on Tanya's shoulder as tears continued to roll down her cheeks. "You must be so frightened, you poor little dear. But don't you worry, your Khala Tanya is here to make it all better now." She wiped away a tear from off of Adia's face with her thumb. "Can you tell us what happened, Adia jan? Saria tells me that your big brother fell down the stairs?"
Adia's lamentations made her unable to answer Tanya's question. Guess it's down to me. Yet again. I lifted my head from off of Assef's shoulder, though didn't move one inch from the safety of his touch and gaze. "I'll tell you what happened, Mommy," I said, using that terminology to gain just an inclining of the compassion that she was displaying towards Adia. "Adia and I were in bed when I heard a loud crash from downstairs. I didn't know what it was, so I went to check it out. And that's when I saw Masood, lying at the bottom of the stairs. Khala Faraya was screaming, and I brought Adia back into her room so that she wouldn't have to see that. Then I heard the front door opening and the car driving away. I knew what must have happened, and I was scared about the two of us being left alone, so I called you."
Tanya sucked in a breath. "You did the right thing by calling us, Saria. I'm proud of you for being mature enough to know that you needed help." I nodded in gratitude at her compliment, to which she hardly ever offered. She looked away from me and back down to Adia. "What you saw must have been so frightening, Adia jan, but you're safe now. Your Khala Tanya and Kaka Mahmood will take care of you. We're not going anywhere until we know for certain that you are safe." Adia murmured something that I couldn't quite make out. I turned back to my soulmate, who lifted my hand and kissed my fingertips, causing yet another grunt from Mahmood. Then, we all heard the screech of tires on the gravel.
The car doors were flung open, and within seconds, Faraya had returned. Her breathing was laboured, her voice panicked as she hurried back inside, calling out her daughter's name. "Adia? Adia, baby, where are you? Mommy is so sorry that I left you behind. Please talk to me, please, I need to know where you are. Need to know that you're safe!" She continued to desperately call out for her little girl, the only little girl that she appeared to have remembered abandoning. Eventually, Mahmood could stand no more of her bemoaning, and he threw open the living room door, stepping out to meet her in the hallway.
"In here, Faraya."
"Mah... Mahmood? What are you...?"
"In here, Faraya."
She knew it was best to not argue, instead following Mahmood's sternly pointed finger as it lead her into the living room. There she stood, rooted to the spot. Her eyes scanned the room, first landing on her daughter, curled against Tanya, who was trying and failing to calm her down. Then, they landed on me, being held and rocked by my brother, obviously traumatised, or so she would think, by what had transpired, by what she had done. Her eyes widened with horror and she clamped her hands over her mouth. "Saria!" she exclaimed, "oh my God, Saria, I just completely forgot all about you, I'm so-"
A sharp voice cut into her apology like a knife. "What did you think you were doing?!" It was my brother who had spoken, and I knew from his tone that he was absolutely furious with her for what she had done to me. The idea of someone forgetting his precious Saria was infuriating, and I felt him trembling with rage. No doubt he wanted to get up and knock seven shades of shit out of Faraya, and perhaps he would have, had his attentions not been entirely focused on caring for me. Faraya opened and closed her mouth, spluttering. No words were coming to her.
In that instant, Tanya was on her feet. "My children both know that it is improper to raise one's voice at an adult," she said. "But in this moment, I very much agree with what my son just said. In fact, I'd like to repeat his words. Just what were you thinking?" She didn't even give Faraya a chance to respond. "I can't begin to express how frightening it was for Mahmood and I to be woken in the middle of the night by a phone call from our daughter, telling us that not only had there been a terrible accident, but also that you and Javid had completely forgotten about her and Adia, had driven away and just left them there. We rushed over as soon as we could, and thank goodness that we did. Thank goodness that Saria had the sense to phone us when she did. Two little girls, left all alone, scared and confused. Who knows what might have happened?"
Faraya was unable to keep her composure, breaking down into tears as she began to frantically apologise. "I don't know what we were thinking, I truly don't. I... I... I..." She took a deep breath. She knew that the Kalahari family secret was about to be made known to everyone in this room. She sniffed. "It's Masood, he's sick, and not just from his accident tonight. He's been sick for some time. Doctors don't think there's anything..." A bitter sob escaped her lips. Nobody was moved. "We're just doing whatever we can to help him. So when Javid and I found him at the bottom of the stairs, we just panicked. We didn't even think about anything but getting him to the hospital. We never, ever meant to leave Adia and Saria behind, and when I realised what we had done, I sped right back here. I am so sorry!"
You sped right back here when you figured you'd left your daughter behind. You didn't even think about me until you saw me here, you fucking liar! I thought. My father, also, had no patience for Faraya's excuses. "You know what?" he said, moving to stand beside Tanya, placing a hand upon her shoulder. "It's far too late for any of us to try and process this right now. Nobody here has the mental energy to get into the discussion that needs to be had. You need to take care of your daughter, and quite frankly, we need to get our family home." Mahmood then turned to my brother. "Assef, take your sister upstairs and fetch her things. There's really no point in you getting dressed again, Saria, so just get on your coat and shoes."
"Her coat is in the downstairs closet," Faraya whispered, "I'll get it." She did so, as Assef lifted me up and once more carried me out of the living room. I saw him looking in disgust at Masood's vomit. He carried me up the stairs and into Adia's room, wherein he deposited me gently upon the floor, and I began to retrieve my things, stuffing them into my rucksack. Assef paced around the room, muttering to himself.
"The nerve of them," he said in German, "the fucking nerve of them, leaving you alone like that. Forgetting about you. And then to only be concerned about Adia? Piles of shit, that's what they are, the entire family."
My lips twitched. "You caught that, too?" I asked. I picked up my shoes, and sat down on Adia's bed, placing them on my feet. As I was doing this, the sleeve of my nightgown rolled up, and from the way my other half froze up, I could tell that he had seen the scratches Adia left on me. I sighed, pulling the sleeves back down over my injuries. "Adia didn't like that I was trying to stop her from helping her brother," I said, reaching out to take my brother's hand, and leaning my cheek down upon it. "She was just upset, I'm not mad at her or anything. Well... not anymore."
"She's a lucky girl to have a friend as merciful as you, Liebchen," Assef said, in a tone that made it abundantly clear that he would have beaten Adia to a pulp if it wasn't for my interference. If it weren't for the relationship that I was trying to cultivate with Adia, I might well have wanted to punish her myself. But I knew that her actions weren't out of any true malice towards me, and honestly, I had not the time nor the energy to be upset. Picking up my rucksack, I extended my hand to my brother, and together the two of us walked back down the stairs to where our parents stood waiting.
Wordlessly, Tanya handed me my black overcoat that I'd brought with me. I slung it on, then grabbed Assef's hand again. Adia stood beside her mother, weeping copiously. Faraya still had that expression of shame on her face, as she rubbed her daughter's quaking shoulders. She tried to apologise to me again, but Tanya cut across her. "Not now, Faraya. Not now. We'll talk about this some other time." She turned to Assef and I. "Come on, both of you, let's get going."
I followed after my parents, numb to everything as I allowed my darling to lead me to the car and help me inside. Assef drew the seatbelt across my body, and clicked it in, kissing my forehead tenderly. As Mahmood started the drive home, I turned to look out the back window, seeing Faraya and Adia watching us from the doorway, both looking so forlorn and totally lost. There must have been a million thoughts running through their minds, no doubt first amongst them being concern for Masood. Would he live or would he die? As I turned and lay my head on Assef's shoulder once more, I found I cared little for Masood's life.
My main concern, in that moment, was for my experiment, my friendship, my relationship with Adia. A relationship that from this moment on, was about to change exponentially...
Thank you so much for reading! Please read, subscribe and review if you like the story. It means a lot, and I would very much enjoy getting feedback from my fans.
In the next chapter, as the truth about Masood's illness is revealed, the Ahmeds make a trip to the hospital to offer their support to the Kalahari's. But a chance encounter in the hospital corridors will lead Saria to a new discovery, and a chance for her cruel side to one more rear its ugly head. Look for that, coming soon!
