In the last chapter, Assef took Saria back to the house where she killed Zainab, promising that they could turn it into a safe space away from home. But the pain of what transpired in her home became too much for her, and she fell into a spiral wherein she questioned her place in the world, questioned whether or not she was nothing more than a replacement for her dead brother, Sami. After a sombre conversation with Assef, she was able to make some peace with Sami's legacy. Now, we find her and Adia in the schoolyard, but little do they know of the trouble that is lurking...
I do not own the Kite Runner, or any of its characters, plots, dialogue or the like. I can only claim the OCs and writing that is my own. I also do not condone the thoughts, feelings, actions or words of characters in this story. This is an entirely fictional piece of work, and should be viewed as such. With that said, I hope that you enjoy this new chapter. Please feel free to let me know your thoughts should you have any. This story is honestly my pride and joy and I cannot wait for you all to read what I have planned in upcoming chapters.
And with all of that out of the way; please enjoy!
"Let's go find somewhere to sit, shall we?"
With the fingers of my left hand curled around my lunchbox, I extended the other out to Adia, who stood beside me. She looked down at my outstretched fingers, beckoning to be held. For the briefest moment, I wondered if perhaps she might refuse this offer of kindness that I was bestowing upon her. Our friendship had been, quite frankly, rather strained this past fortnight; a problem that could no doubt be blamed on the rather unfortunate Garden Party Incident. But I was determined to get us back on track - and when better than the short freedom we had during the lunchtime hour?
Best find somewhere as far away from everyone else as humanly possible, I thought, glancing around the playground for just such a spot. Neither Adia nor myself needed to be dealing with any more bullshit from Ahtrai and her Posse of Dipshits - we'd had quite enough of that this morning, what with her constant whispered jabs at us when Mermon Yashfa wasn't paying attention, or how she had shoved Adia against the wall this morning while we were waiting to be let into class. I swear, if it weren't for the massive repercussions that would befall me, and the fact that doing so would mean I became permanently separated from my darling Assef, I would take a fucking blunt object to class with me and use it to smash the cunt's fucking head in.
No matter, though. I wasn't about to let Ahtrai take up space in my mind that she didn't deserve. That would only serve to anger me, and I had no desire to waste the precious time I had to reconcile my friendship with Adia. Speaking of, the girl in question was tugging on my hand. "Those benches are empty," she informed me, as I turned to look at where she was pointing. Indeed, there was a bench located across the playground. Far enough away that I was confident nobody would come to bother us. How clever of my dear friend to choose this spot for us. I squeezed her hand, complimenting her on finding it as we made our way towards the benches.
As we walked, I noticed Adia glancing towards the chalk hopscotch drawn on the ground, a wistful expression on her face. I'll play with her after we've finished eating, if she wants to, I told myself. The childish game would no doubt put a smile on Adia's face, and for that reason I would do it. But all in due time. I placed my lunchbox down on the table, smoothing down the back of my uniform's skirt as I sat down, watching Adia as she did the same.
"God, I'm starving." Adia fumbled with the opening latch on her lunchbox. "My tummy's been rumbling all morning, I was half-afraid that someone might hear it." A light laugh escaped from her lips, one which I echoed in kind. She eventually got her lunchbox undone and flipped the lid over, a thud echoing as it hit the table. She took out a sandwich wrapped in tin-foil, her tongue poking out in confrontation as she undid the wrapping - revealing a ham and cheese sandwich that her mother had, no doubt prepared for her.
Adia confirmed my suspicions while I was unwrapping the foil around my own lunch. She brought the sandwich up to her lips, taking a huge bite. "I helped mommy to make my lunch this morning," she said. Her words circled in my brain, walking back and forth like tired hikers searching for a place to rest, but finding nowhere that they could lay their weary heads. Over and over again, repeated in Adia's sweet, trusting, naive voice.
I helped mommy to make my lunch today.
Those words also came with pictures, images seared into my mind, vivid as the cloudless sky above us. I thought of Adia, standing in her kitchen, early this morning, all but fully dressed in her school uniform- save for the lack of shoes on her feet. Like a fly on the wall, I watched her, this dream-version of my best friend, as she stood beside her mother. Faraya, with an apron wrapped around her body, casually engaging her little girl in chit-chat as they worked together to prepare the basic yet no doubt meaningful lunch that Adia would eat today. At one point, I imagined Adia saying something, and Faraya laughing, throwing an arm around her as she pulled her close. Happy to have this mother-daughter time together. Faraya gently reminding Adia to wash her hands when they were done, not expecting her to curtsy or present herself for a uniform inspection. Not caring if a few small strands escaped from her little girl's ponytail.
It made my stomach clench uncomfortably even to just think of those tender moments. I imagined myself as a ghost, standing in their kitchen doorway, watching all of this unfold. Would they see me, this spectral Saria, this forgotten child yearning to be part of their happiness. Just the fact that Faraya could set aside this time to spend with her daughter, regardless of everything that was going on in their lives, the fact that she still made the effort to give Adia as normal a life as she possibly could - it was admirable yet painful all at the same time.
I bet when Masood eventually croaks, they won't try to forget about him either, I thought bitterly. Won't hide family photos or mementos of him. Won't refuse to say his name. And I know for a damn fact that neither Faraya nor Javid will ever, ever take the grief that they're going to feel at his inevitable passing and use it to punish or abuse their daughter. They won't see her as little more than a replacement for their dead child - not like my parents do with me and Sami.
But there was no point in concerning myself with that. No point in dwelling on the past, or comparing Adia's upcoming tragedies with the far, far worse ones that I had faced. Doing so would only cause a bitter resentment to form in my heart against the innocent girl seated across from me, and I most certainly did not want that to happen. I had come too far, sacrificed too much in my quest to craft the perfect companion that I was not about to throw in the towel now.
"Looks delicious," I said, motioning to her lunch. "My lunch is always made for me before I leave for school." Lately more so by Hamilra than Tanya. "So in a way, it's like a surprise for me whenever I open it." The cookie that had been left there for me was certainly that - and a definite confirmation that it had been Hamilra who had taken the time to prepare this meal; not that Tanya would ever admit this and risk shattering the illusion that she was the doting mother who slaved away to prepare her little girl's school lunch.
For a while, Adia and I just sat in silence, neither saying a word as we enjoyed our respective food. I watched her from the corner of my eye, seeing how... how disconcerted she seemed. You didn't need to be a genius to recognise that there was something a little bit off about Adia's behaviour. She might have tried to hide it, with her innocent smile as she reminisced on how she and Faraya had worked together to create the lunch that she was now eating, but that didn't stop me from seeing all the subtle nuances which cried out to me that my dear, sweet friend was in pain.
It was how she nibbled anxiously on her sandwich, as if knowing that she should eat it, but not wanting to do so all the same. Was she perhaps afraid that this morning would be the last time that she and her mother got to spend alone with one another, and, if that were the case, did she worry that this basic lunch would be the last tangible evidence of a happier era within the Kalahari family? Tears glistened at the corners of her eyes, which she quickly blinked back down inside herself the moment she caught me looking, ducking her head away, shame colouring her features.
I wanted to ask who those tears were for, though in truth, I already suspected. A pang of empathy - true and genuine - coursed its way through my body. She must surely be thinking of her brother, I thought, of the sickly misfortunate who's life is slipping away from him with each passing moment. Oh, the pain that she must be feeling; the sheer agony of knowing that, every time she says goodbye to her brother, it may well be the last time.
How close was Masood to dying now, I wondered. How many days, weeks, or months did he have left on this mortal coil? Could they count the seconds, note every single breath that he took, knowing that it may be the final one he ever takes? Did Adia feel guilty, for leaving her brother behind to go to school? She should - I did not care how much empathy I felt for her in this moment - she should be ashamed every time that she walked out the door and away from her dying sibling. If my Assef was dying (and oh, I could barely think of that prospect without wanting to throw myself from off the roof of the highest building) then there would be nothing and no-one that could tear me away from his side. I'd willingly drop out of school to devote every nanosecond of my time to being with him. Hell, there were times that I felt like doing that right now, and he wasn't even dying! What kind of sister would choose anything else over her dying brother?
But I knew that I couldn't fully blame Adia for this. She might have been close with Masood, but no matter how much she cared for her brother, it paled in comparison to what I felt for my soulmate. Of course Adia wasn't going to fight for her brother in the same way that I would fight for mine. Of course she was choosing to attend school rather than be at his side; she did not have the same amount of passion for Masood that I had for Assef. That was standard, though, awful as it was. I had to remind myself that not all love was transcendent in the way that mine and my darling's was. When I loved, I did it with every fibre of my soul. What a shame it was that other people could not, or maybe would not, do the same.
Swallowing the piece of sandwich that I had been chewing on, I offered Adia a cordial grin. "Tell me," I said, leaning forward on the table, elbows pressed against the wood. "Because I'm curious to know... You told me before that your dad had bought you a new jigsaw puzzle. One with a thousand pieces?"
"The magic fairy princess puzzle!" Adia said, and while she wasn't smiling, her lips were twitching and there was a light that had been restored to her eyes. That told me that I was on the right track; that this was a good topic of discussion for us to have.
I grinned, playfully arching a brow. "Well.. have you made any progress on it? Is it done? What's it look like?" Now, obviously, I didn't care one bit about the jigsaw that Javid had bought for his daughter. It was nothing more than a pathetic attempt to buy his way into her favour, to apologise for the fact that her brother was about to kick the bucket; an attempt to prove that he cared. I knew that for a fact, even if Adia pretended otherwise. Still, it was clear as day that the childish game made my friend happy, and I was more than willing, generous being that I am, to indulge her naivety by discussing it with her.
Adia chewed nervously on her lip, bringing up a finger to chew absently on her bent knuckles, a look of shame overcoming her countenance as she glanced down at her half-eaten sandwich, then back to me again. "I, uhm..." she began, and I could tell that she was struggling to speak, as if afraid that I might be angered or upset at the news she was going to provide; when in all honesty I gave less than zero fucks about it. She coughed. "Uhm... sorry. Uh... Gonna be honest with you, Saria, I-I haven't, uh, I actually haven't made much progress on the puzzle."
"Oh?" Fuck, this was such a boring conversation. I'd have taken a full hour of listening to Mermon Yashfa drone on and on in one of her boring math classes rather than be privy to the ins-and-outs of Adia's magic fairy princess jigsaw. It was a testament to my incredible acting skills that I was able to keep the conversation going, and a testament indeed to me as a person and friend that I hadn't told her how pathetic it was for her to be getting flustered over such a thing. "Well... I suppose it is quite a big puzzle. A full one thousand pieces. It would take me months to even think of completing that!"
Not least because I'd have no fucking interest in any kind of fairy-princess sappy bullshit. The thought almost made me giggle, but I reminded myself that doing so would make Adia look askance at me, and we couldn't have that, now could we? I reached across the table, lifting her hand in mine. As I did so, Adia continued to speak, as if given courage by my gentle touch.
She offered a melancholic little shrug. "My mind's always occupied by other things," she mused, and we did not address that which we already knew. Adia clearly didn't want to dwell on it - for she offered yet another reason for her failure within minutes of having spoken. "And, well... the colours all look the same. I'm trying to make the sky but one blue looks like another and some pieces don't fit, you know?" She let out a groan of frustration, throwing her hands up. "I've stopped trying, Saria. Maybe some other time."
The gears in my head were spinning. I recalled the last time that I had helped Adia with a jigsaw puzzle. The elation on her face, how she had hugged me and called me her dearest friend. And here now, perhaps, she had opened the door (figuratively and maybe even literally) for me to bring that joy to her again. "Hmm... That does sound frustrating, I must admit. But maybe, and I'm just throwing ideas out here, maybe you just need someone else to help you. A second set of eyes might be useful, don't you think?"
There it was. Out in the open. A self-made invitation for me to visit Adia's house again. I know that it might seem a bit presumptuous of me to do so, but Adia was such a timid little wallflower that it wasn't likely at all that she'd have taken it upon herself to invite me. As always, it was down to me to take control, to take the reins in this friendship. And yet... Adia's reaction to my generous offer was not all what I'd expected it to be.
"Uh..." She drummed her fingertips against the table, looking up, down, left, right, anywhere else but in my eyes. "Yeah, Saria... maybe... Uhm... That would be... I mean... I would like that... but... but I'd have to, I mean, I'd have to ask my mommy and daddy about it. You know? And I don't know if... if... I mean... things are kinda... busy... at home lately so... Not that I wouldn't really like you to visit again or anything but-"
Dear God, this was fucking painful! If she tripped over her words any more she'd end up landing on her face on the ground. Fumbling over excuse after excuse, trying to justify the reason that I would not be able to visit her home. Not be able to have a "play-date" with my best friend, something that I felt was my due. But, I told myself, there was no point in taking my bubbling annoyance out on Adia. I knew that it wasn't entirely her fault that my offer wasn't met with overwhelming delight.
Instead, I would pin the blame on the adults in this situation. This clearly had more to do with the fact that Javid and Faraya didn't want me around their daughter, and that Adia was trying her best to ensure I didn't figure this out. But I wasn't stupid - I knew without a shadow of a doubt that they were attempting to make their little girl distance themselves from me. I wondered if the incident at the Garden Party had anything to do with it. If my actions on that day had shaken the Kalahari to such a degree that, despite the fact they weren't even there, they now came to view me in any entirely different way to the sweet, innocent and demure young lady that they had met some short months ago.
I thought of sweet, motherly Faraya. The forgiveness she had granted after I'd broken her father's vase. How she always used to welcome me with a warm smile, always treated me as if I was one of her own children. How Javid always seemed interested in what I had to say, always included me in conversation. The idea that they might now turn their backs on me simply because of an incident that they were not, in fact, even privy to, was enough to set my blood boiling. Especially after I had so mercifully forgiven them and their family for all of the crimes that had been so heinously rendered upon me.
Who the fuck do they think they are? Who do they think they are to judge me like that? To act so goddamn high and mighty? These were all the words that I yearned to say, craving some form of retribution for the way that I had been treated. But I knew that taking it out on Adia was not the way to go about things. If I did anything violent to the girl and it got back to her parents, there would be no hope for our friendship. I might as well kiss any hope of a sisterly relationship goodbye. No, instead, I would lay the blame at the feet of those responsible for all of this. So long as I remained caring, sweet and loving to Adia, then I would keep her on my side. I could worry about her parents later.
Perhaps I should invite her to the local park? I thought, bringing up a finger to tap against my chin, watching Adia as she finished the last of her sandwich and tossed the foil wrapping back into her lunchbox, snapping it shut. It's not like anything bad could happen there, right? I'm sure she'd love to be able to play with. Someone to push her on the swings and go down the slides with her. Poor little misfortune probably hasn't had much chance to go have any kind of fun in the way that other children do. Who knows when the last time that Faraya and Javid bothered to take her to the park? Bothered to play with her? To spend any sort of time with her? No, as always, it is down to me to take the initiative. To be the friend, the sister, that Adia needs and deserves.
I opened my mouth to bring up the idea; the words right on the edge of my tongue. "Okay," I muttered, trying not to sigh as I cut across her rambling. "It's fine. How about we-?"
But before I could even finish that sentence; before the words 'how about we take a trip to the park sometime?' could fall from out of my lips, we were interrupted. By who, you may ask? Well, who do you think? Who is the one person, the one pathetic little cunt that would see two young girls just eating their lunch and chatting amongst each other, not bothering anyone, then decide to go over and pester them? Three guesses, and the first two don't count!
"Well, now, what do we have here?" Ahtrai, who else? She had seen from across the playground that Adia and I were alone and vulnerable, and like a vulture circling a decaying corpse, had decided to go in for the kill. There she stood, behind Adia, who gave a little squeak of terror and, inch by inch, turned around to see who was standing there. When she noticed it was Ahtrai, she attempted to move away, but the cunt gripped her shoulders, hands firm, nails no doubt digging in to the point they hurt, forcing her to remain still. A frightened squeak escaped from Adia's lips, and I yearned to launch myself across the table to push Ahtrai away from my friend.
Not bothering to hide my irritation at her presence, rolling my eyes up to heaven; I let the harsh words flow off my tongue before the whiny cow had even the chance to say anything else. "Listen, Ahtrai, we're really not in the mood for your bullshit. Adia doesn't need your filthy hands touching her. So, if you could please take a step away from my friend, and while you're at it, take a few more steps, and just go away, leave Adia and I alone. That'd be much appreciated, thank you so much." The sarcasm dripped like bitter acid from off of my tongue, accompanied by a motion of my hand as I gestured across the playground, indicating how far I wanted Ahtrai to go.
Ahtrai's response, however, was to laugh. Throw her head back and make that awful sound, the one that was ingrained in my mind such that if I ever happened to see a hyena in the wilderness, I would flay the beast alive, just out of basic principle. She did remove her hands from Adia's shoulders, though, I'll give her that. At least she could listen to one basic instruction. But she still remained next to her, far too close for comfort in my opinion. "You don't mean that," Ahtrai sing-songed, and I growled under my breath in frustration. I hated people telling me what I did or did not mean. "Can't I just come on over and see what the two lonely little freaks are up to? Hmm?"
"Cartwheels and handstands," I responded, baring my teeth in a sardonic grin. Ahtrai narrowed her eyes at me. I motioned between myself and Adia, seated there, clearly not wanting much other than to be left the fuck alone. "I mean, obviously. Can't you see? I'm surprised that we haven't drawn more of a crowd. But oh well, I guess people just aren't interested in the goings-on of two 'lonely little freaks'. Or maybe they just want to mind their own business and get on with their lunches. Such a pity that you can't do the same."
A quick, sharp giggle escaped from Adia's lips as I said those words. She was grinning now, revelling in this shared mockery of Ahtrai's idiocy. What were we doing? Honestly, even a blind, deaf and dumb man would be able to recognise what two young girls sitting at a bench in a school playground were up to. Was Ahtrai just that much of an idiot? Perhaps. It wasn't as if I cared one way or the other. But it was good to see Adia laughing, to know that I had put a smile on her face, that me taking some level of power over our dynamic with Ahtrai was giving her the confidence to express those feelings without fear of retribution.
But Ahtrai wasn't about to let my words bother her, nor was she going to walk away as I prayed that she would. Instead, she opted to do the complete opposite of that - sliding onto the bench next to Adia, beaming at the two of us as if we were all three the best of friends. Adia shuffled away, inch by inch, along the bench, until she was as far away from Ahtrai as was humanly possible without falling off onto the ground. She muttered something under her breath that I couldn't quite catch, but that I was pretty sure was something along the lines of 'go away'.
If only.
"There's no need to have an attitude with me, little Saria," Ahtrai said, putting particular emphasis on the word "little". Could she not find a more unique aspect of me to scorn, instead of going for the easy target of my height? Yeah, I know, I'm small. Jokes about it get pretty damn tedious when you've hear them on a constant basis, so much so that I just let the words roll off of me, like waves crashing against the sand. Ahtrai, immature bitch that she was, literally pouted like a damn child when she saw that she wasn't getting a reaction from me. "I have just as much right to come over here as anyone else. You don't run this playground, you don't get to tell me what to do. Best you learn that now before you end up saying or doing something that you're going to regret, we clear on that?"
Was she really threatening me? Really? Oh, how I knew she viewed me as an easy target; tiny Saria, the little girl so short that I could easily pass for a student of a lower grade. Saria, the girl who had only one friend in this place, who would be easily thrown down and manhandled were she to feel so inclined. If one were to place their bets upon Ahtrai and I, with only these variables known, then surely they could not be blamed for putting their money on the former. But of course, Ahtrai had no idea that she had threatened the same person who had brutally stabbed Zainab to death. That the girl she pinned as an easy target was also the one who had beaten her friend Mojdeh so badly that she was still too poorly to have returned to school yet.
I offered a sweet smile, deciding that for now, it would be best to play the demure, subservient child; the one that my parents tried so often to turn me into. Maybe if she thought that she had frightened me into submission, Ahtrai would leave us alone. I was grasping at straws, yes, but I really just wanted to get this bitch away from myself and Adia. "Of course, Ahtrai, my apologies. But pray tell, you came here for a reason, I am sure, and if it's all the same to you; I would like to know what that is."
Oh, how I wish I hadn't asked. I wish that I had just left well enough alone. Maybe then things would not have escalated to the point that they did. But the question was asked now, the cat was out of the bag, and I knew that the metaphorical feline would only scratch and claw at anyone who attempted to recapture it. Ahtrai reached into the pocket of her uniform, removing from it a small, folded up piece of paper. She was grinning from ear to ear as she did so, extending her arm over the table to me, dropping the paper into my upright palm.
"I made something for you," she said, the words coming out almost distorted around her sickeningly wide grin. "A gift. A little inside joke, if you will, between friends." I stared down at the folded up paper in my hands, part of me curious as to what it might be, the other part wanting nothing to do with the damn thing. Ahtrai gave me a pointed look, motioning with her hand. "Go on, Saria. Open it." There was a threatening undertone to her voice, one that foretold of the trouble that was to potentially come if I didn't go along with her demands.
Deciding once again that it would be best in the long run to just play the peacemaker and do what she said, I slowly began to unfold the page, smoothing out the corners as I laid it flat upon the table. Piece by piece, the mystery of what Ahtrai had created for me was unravelled, and let me state, it was a mystery that I greatly wished would have long remained so. My eyes narrowed, and I stared at the drawing before me, unable to believe that anyone might have had the gaul to present me with such a disrespectful, horrendous "gift". Just who the fuck did Ahtrai think she was?
And just what was it that Ahtrai had given me as a gift? What had she drawn for me? I can scarcely even bring myself to describe it in these memoirs, so enraged was I at the sight of what lay before me. But to hide from this would be to hide from reality, and it would be disingenuous of me to hide the truth, to shelter my words from the image that had insulted my senses. Therefore, I will describe, in as much detail as I can, the drawing that Ahtrai had given to me, though I needs must even now hold back the urge to scream out in rage as I think of it.
It was a reconstruction of the Garden Party. Yes. That Garden Party. That which had become a source of Ahtrai's entertainment from the very moment that it had taken place. There I was, lying on my back, my mouth frozen open in a shocked scream. She had used a yellow crayon in an attempt to replicate my golden hair, though it made me look more like a fucking scarecrow than a human being. Picture!Saria lay on her back, her arms held aloft. Attached to one of her wrists, was a replica of the lizard that Wali had tormented me with. A shudder ran through my body as I looked down at it, although I knew that the picture wasn't real, was nothing more than pixels on a blank sheet. Tear-tracks stained picture!Saria's face, her visage contorted with pain and shame. Ahtrai had even gone so far as to sketch a group of people standing around, all pointing and laughing. Words like "freak" "crybaby" "weirdo" were penned in chicken-scratch, a red arrow directing the viewer from the words to me.
"Do you like it?" Ahtrai sing-songed through giggles. "I know I'm not the best artist, but... I figured you'd appreciate the effort that I've put into this." She was staring pointedly at, though for what reason, I did not know. Did she expect gratitude? Did she want me to tell her that this was an amazing drawing, to thank her for all of the time and effort that she had put into humiliating me? Fat damn chance of that!
Adia leaned across the table, attempting to see the picture for herself. I snatched it back, not wanting her to see what Ahtrai had done. It was bad enough that she knew about what happened, full-stop. She didn't need to see it made manifest in this mockery of the artist's craft. But she must have seen some part of it, for her brow furrowed, and she looked at me with an expression that might have been construed as sympathy. That bothered me, perhaps more than the drawing itself. I wasn't some pathetic little victim that needed pity. I didn't need to be looked at as though I was a foolish, silly little girl, wasn't some goddamn coward.
I locked my gaze onto Ahtrai, holding the page aloft, turned it in such a way that Adia would not be able to see it. Narrowing my eyes at her, I made it the point to ensure that she was watching, as I slowly began to tear the drawing up. Ripping it apart, piece by piece, first cleaving it in two the way that I wished I could do to Ahtrai's smug face. Then I tore those halves into quarters, and those quarters into tiny little dregs. They fluttered like snowflakes through the air, landing on the gravel at my feet. I kicked them under the table, shoved them away, ensuring that nobody would ever see them again.
Ahtrai stared at me, looking utterly offended that I hadn't shown the respect and reverence that she must have thought that her artwork was owed. Her eyes widened, and she let out a hiss through her clenched teeth. "Well, you didn't need to react like that, bitch," she snapped, punching the table with a closed fist, causing Adia's lunchbox to almost fall off onto the ground. Adia grabbed hold of it, wrapping her hands around the plastic and clinging to them like a safety blanket. Her eyes darted back and forth between Ahtrai and I, and I wondered if she feared that perhaps a schoolyard brawl might break out.
She was muttering to herself, words spoken under her breath that I couldn't quite make out. She swung her legs out from underneath the table, no doubt preparing to run and fetch Mermon Yashfa should things go south. Ahtrai cackled. "Honestly, Saria, it's just a drawing, that's all. Just a silly little picture. Did it really offend you that much?"
"What the fuck do you think?" I snapped, kicking those little scraps of paper further away from me, grinding them under my heel. Gone was the polite, demure Saria that kept her head bowed and deferred to those around her. The indignation that I felt towards the bitch sitting across from me was enough that I wanted to grab my lunchbox, swing it at Ahtrai's head and beat her with it so horrendously that she ended up in hospital with catastrophic brain injuries. How dare she treat me this way? How dare she make light of the trauma that I had suffered? The Garden Party might have been all just fun and games to her, but to me, it was one of the worst days in my life.
Oh, if only I could make Ahtrai truly understand the pain that I had suffered that day. If only I could impart that knowledge into her flesh the way that it had been imparted into mine. But... there was no true agony that I could bestow upon Ahtrai that could ever come close to representing the hurt that I was feeling. And would it have even mattered? Her reaction to my rage was to merely scoff and say, "Such naughty language, little Saria. I'm sure Mermon Yashfa wouldn't be too pleased if she knew that you were speaking to your fellow students with that tone, now would she?"
I gave her the thumbs up, narrowing my eyes at her. But it was Adia who reacted to my rude gesture, covering her mouth with her hands as she let out a horrified squeak of disgust, reaching across the table and frantically batting at my hands. "No, Saria, don't! Don't!" she whispered in a frantic tone of voice, grabbing my thumb and forcing it down against the inside of my palm. Now my anger had found another target - no longer was Ahtrai the target of my boiling fury. In fact, it did not even matter to me at that moment that she was even there. I violently wrenched my hand from out of Adia's grasp, narrowing my eyes at her.
She flinched back, looking at the ground. "S-Sorry," she muttered, cowering back from what I assume she believed to be my rapidly approaching wrath. "I just... Uhm..." Adia glanced back towards the school, as if half-afraid that Mermon Yashfa might've been watching from the windows and come out to scold me for using such a crude gesture. She sniffed, wiping under her nose with the back of her hand. "M'sorry."
As I watched her, saw the look of fear in her eyes, a terror that not even Ahtrai, who was sitting so close that she could have reached out and touched my friend had she wanted to, was capable of noticing, I felt the anger that I had been feeling towards her begin to dissipate. It wasn't her fault, not really. I had to remember that Adia was, if nothing else, innocent in these matters. She was but a child trying to protect her friend from getting into trouble. How could I truly be mad at her for that? What would it do to our blossoming friendship if I allowed my rage to get the better of me?
"It's okay." I smiled, wanting her to know that I was no longer upset with her. That her actions were not beyond forgiveness. I turned to Ahtrai, who was looking back and forth between Adia and myself, a cunning look in her beady little eyes. "Listen, Ahtrai, I'm done being polite. You've done nothing since you came here but be a complete and total cunt to me and Adia, and I'm telling you, right now, point blank, as clearly and as slowly as I can so that your tiny brain picks up at least some of my words, it needs to stop. Take your cunt self back to your cunt friends, and leave me and Adia the hell alone. Is that clear? Because if it isn't, then I can damn well make it so."
For what felt like the longest time, the two of us just stared at one another, eyes narrowed into tiny slits, lips pulled back into a snarl. We were two bulls in a china shop, and all it would take was for one of those bulls to see red and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that things would escalate to a point where we could not get them back. I waited for Ahtrai to react, to say or do something that would push me over the edge. Though I bade myself not to attack her, not to put Adia at risk by getting into a fight in the middle of the schoolyard, I also knew that my ticking time-bomb temper was one short fuse away from blowing up.
But Ahtrai merely chuckled, rolling her eyes as she tended to do when I threatened her; not knowing, of course, how close those threats came to being real. "Cute," she cooed, the same way that one does when watching an infant say their first words. "That's adorable, Saria, that you keep trying to be tough. As if you could actually take me in a fight." I 'took' Zainab, I thought, fighting the urge to smirk malevolently. And Mojdeh, too. So try me, bitch, try me and we'll see what happens. Ahtrai scoffed, drumming her fingers against the table. "You talk big game, Saria, acting like some tough girl, when we both know that all it takes is a tiny little lizard to turn you into a snivelling, cowering wretch."
I opened my mouth to say something, to retort back, but before I could, however, Ahtrai cut across me. She sidled closer to Adia, who was cowering as far back from her as she possibly could. "How can you stand it?" she asked, nudging Adia in the ribs with her elbow, causing her to wince in pain. "Having such a pathetic little bitch for a friend? You must feel so ashamed of her, must've been so embarrassed to learn about what she did, about what a fool she made of herself. Or maybe..." She trailed off, looking back and forth between us, "maybe you hang out with her because you know for a fact that you don't deserve any better. That nobody but a freak like Saria would want to be friends with a freak like you!"
"N-Nooo..." Adia groaned, shaking her head frantically, looking at me, as if trying to make me see right into the depths of her very soul. "N-No, that's not... Saria, that's not... I don't believe that, I don't... I'm not..." Tears welled in her dark eyes, shimmering like glistening dew, as she turned to Ahtrai and said, in as firm a voice as she could muster; "Saria is my friend." To this, Ahtrai merely laughed again, and Adia looked down, sniffing, wiping away tears before they could fall.
How sorry I felt for my dear, brave friend, oh, how I wished I could take her into my arms like a knight in shining armour, sweep her onto a galloping white steed and bring her far, far away from this place. Bring her to a peaceful Eden where there could be no more pain, no more hurt. A place where bullies like Ahtrai did not exist. To think that all we had wanted to do was enjoy our lunch together, and now here we were, at the mercy of this beast.
But that didn't mean that I was about to let this continue for a moment longer. We'd heard enough of Ahtrai's bullshit, and it was time for me to put an end to it. Or... in the very least, to get Adia out of here. Gathering up my things, I shoved them inside my lunchbox, then swung my legs around, and stood up. "Come on," I said to Adia, phrasing the words in a way that it might not have seemed like an order, but she was certainly going to know that it was. "Get your stuff, and let's go. We don't have to stay here a moment longer. Let's just go find somewhere else to sit. Lunch is almost over anyway, no point in wasting it listening to bullshit." We'd hear enough of that from Mermon Yashfa when we went back inside, after all.
Ever obedient to my whims, Adia hurriedly began gathering up her things, shoving her half-eaten sandwich into her lunchbox and flipping it closed. She kept shooting nervous glances towards Ahtrai, almost stumbling over herself as she got up, hurrying to my side. That made me feel good - to know that she came to me for protection, as she rightly should. Only I could protect her from pain, just as, in the name of discipline, only I could grant her that pain. She was mine, mine alone, and I intended to make sure that Ahtrai knew that.
"Come," I said, placing my hand gently on Adia's lower back, nudging her forward as the two of us began to walk once more across the playground. Neither of us spoke. Neither of us had anything to say to one another; I could only imagine the thoughts that were running through Adia's head, what she must be thinking. How our lunch-break had been essentially ruined. A pang of guilt surged its way unfairly through my body, if only I had gotten her out of that situation earlier. But no matter. We could make the most of whatever precious minutes we had left, right?
We made it only halfway across the playground before Ahtrai leapt up from the bench, almost breaking into a full on sprint as she began to chase us down. "Hey!" she shouted, her voice dripping with unmitigated fury. "Hey, you get the fuck back here, you two! You get the fuck back! I'm not done with you yet!" Several other girls were now watching us, looking up from whatever they were doing to take note of what was happening here. Not that any of those pathetic little cowards did or said anything in our defence. Not that they had the moral compass to get involved and try to protect two young classmates who were being verbally abused by someone who they all looked to as a leader.
I pushed Adia in front of me, ensuring that if something came to a head, I was the one closest to Ahtrai. I was the one who would receive the full brunt of her anger, if things became physical. What a caring and wonderful friend you are, Saria, I told myself, so selfless and sacrificial. Willing to take this potential hurt to ensure that Adia does not have to go through the same thing.
"Hurry up," I urged in a low tone, practically shoving Adia forward. Ahtrai was still chasing us, still shouting every vile name under the sun that you could think of in our direction. I began to pick up my own pace - trying to get Adia away from her. It didn't matter if we had to go back inside, if we had to end our lunch early - though I wished it would not come down to that. "Just ignore her, Adia, okay? Just ignore her. She'll get bored soon enough." Oh, if only my words would turn out to be true. But was forever the case, luck was not on my side right then, and soon Ahtrai managed to catch up to us.
Just as I expected, she took out the brunt of her anger on me. Catching me by the upper arm, she gave a hard, forceful tug, whirling me around to face her. Her nails dug through the fabric of my uniform, so painful that I knew that I'd be dealing with bruising later that day. I tried to yank my arm out of her grasp, but she was stronger, fuelled perhaps by the adrenaline of rage, and so she held firm, twisting the skin beneath her fingertips. She got right up into my face, ignoring the obvious signs of distress that I was giving off. Ignoring how my countenance distorted, ignoring the pain that must have been evident in my blue eyes.
"Who the fuck told you little bitches that you could walk away from me, huh?" Ahtrai demanded, jabbing her finger right between my eyes, causing me to flinch back. "Who the fuck gave you the goddamn right to leave when I'm fucking speaking to you?" Well, it's not as if our conversation had been all that riveting, now was it? I thought, but of course, could barely form a coherent sentence long enough to get the words out before Ahtrai was off on another ranting tangent again. "I told you little fucking bitches before, you don't walk away from me. If I wanna fucking talk to you, then you sit there, and you listen to what I have to say, and you only get up to leave when I say you can, not a moment before or later. Do you understand me?!"
Does that mean we've got to listen to you instead of Mermon Yashfa when the bell rings and lunch is over? I wondered, furrowing my brow as I looked at Ahtrai with something akin to both curiosity and disgust. For God's sake, what was wrong with this bitch? Why did she see fit to pick on us like this? Why was she going out of her way to make our lives miserable, to tease, bully and harass us when we had done absolutely nothing to deserve it? Was this the same way that she acted in her old school? As I thought this, I couldn't help but to wonder, if, indeed, Ahtrai had targeted girls in the Karteh-Char district just as she was targeting us here. Did she have a reputation back there, too? A reputation that she couldn't help but to bring into this school, too.
I wrenched myself free from Ahtrai's grasp, very nearly tearing the sleeve of my uniform's navy blue shirt. A stinging sensation coursed its way through my arm, though I knew I couldn't rub it without inciting more harassment from Ahtrai. Beside me, Adia was whimpering and trying to cower back as best she possibly could. There was something in her eyes, an expression that I could not quite recognise, perhaps because I had never seen it on her face before. I moved so that I was standing in front of her, shielding her with my body, hands balled up into fists, ready for things to escalate.
"Ahtrai." I addressed her slowly, as though I were speaking to a simpleton - which I'm not entirely certain that I wasn't. "Please don't touch me." I flicked specks of invisible dirt off of my uniform, my lip curling as I surveyed the place where she had grabbed me. Turning back to Ahtrai, I continued, with an acerbic grin painted across my features, "I told you before, I don't want to be around you. See... the thing is... if I spend too much time around cow manure, well, this... putrid stench seeps into my clothes and stays around for weeks. Makes it incredibly difficult to wash out, a whole ordeal, really."
Ahtrai's lips parted, a sharp intake of whistling breath through her clenched teeth. She clenched her fists; they trembled by her sides and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that, somewhere in her pathetic mind, she was entertaining macabre fantasies about pummelling me into the ground, stamping on my head, kicking me into the dirt. She looked me up and down, as if in disbelief that I would dare to address her in such a manner. And I wondered, then, if perhaps she had singled me and Adia out, on her first day so long ago, because she believed that we would be easy targets. These young girls - one of whom so small that she could easily pass for a child in a couple of grades below us, the other the picture of innocence and naivety, what bully wouldn't look on us and see us ripe for the taking?
Well, I wasn't going to hang around to see whatever cruel brand of punishment Ahtrai was about to dream up. Turning on my heel, I grabbed the quivering Adia by the hand and tugged her alongside me as I stormed away from the bitch. I spoke no words to Adia, not wanting to waste a single eon of time. The sooner we got away from Ahtrai - really, really got away from her - the better.
But Ahtrai still wasn't ready to let it, to let us, go. She continued to chase after us, yelling, shouting out horrendous names, speaking awful words that made me want to knock her goddamn teeth down her throat, choking her on them. I tried to pull Adia away from her, but I was unable to fully shield her from the brunt of Ahtrai's dreadful wrath. She grabbed Adia by the hair and tugged, hard, wrenching her head backwards with such force that it's a damn miracle she didn't pull it clean off of her fucking neck. Adia let out a high-pitched shriek, twisting and wriggling to get away. Meanwhile, guess what everyone else was doing? Guess who came to our aid, who told Ahtrai to stop, who put themselves in front of these two hapless little waifs to shield and protect them? If you guessed "nobody did anything because they didn't give a shit" then congratulations, you're the only winner in this situation. Your prize is knowing that you're probably a more moral person than a bunch of twelve-year-old girls.
Has everyone in this damn place lost their humanity? I wanted to ask, watching as Adia began to whimper and cry, rubbing the back of her head, her hand trembling as she groaned in pain. Has everyone had their compassion stolen from them by aliens or something? Where the fuck is Mermon Yashfa? Why hasn't she come out and done something yet? Why hasn't someone put a stop to this?!
Having taken out her frustrations on Adia, Ahtrai soon turned her attention onto me, the one who had borne the brunt of her ire from the very moment that we became acquainted. As I was tending to Adia, rubbing her shoulder and telling her that everything was alright, cooing soft words into her ear while she sniffled and whimpered and rubbed her head, Ahtrai came up behind us, placed her hands between my shoulder blades and violently shoved. "Fuck!" I shrieked, feeling myself lurch forward. I managed to catch myself, avoided falling over entirely by throwing out my hands, preventing myself from falling flat on my face. I straightened up, dusting off my skirt, turned my hands over, and looked down at the pieces of gravel embedded in the heels. "Fuck," I groaned again, wiping them off on my skirt. "Shit, shit, fuck, little fucking cunt..."
My rage bubbled over, coming to that point where the fuse had been lit, and there was nothing and no-one who could have held me back. Ahtrai had well and truly crossed the line now, and come hell or high water, I was going to enact whatever kind of brutal vengeance I could upon the bitch who had dared to lay hands upon me. It was time to unleash the beast once more.
But before I could do anything, before I could even move, before I could even think of what I was going to do to Ahtrai, something happened that, even to this day, I can barely believe. Adia whirled around, a feral look in her eyes that I had never seen on her before. It was as if some demon from deep within the bowels of hell had taken over her body, had possessed her gentle little soul. Even I was a little unsettled by it. Ahtrai must have noticed it, too, for she took a few hesitant steps backwards, holding up her hands as if to shield herself from what she might have believed was incoming.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" she screamed, so loud that I jumped. "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON US? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A... SUCH AN AWFUL, AWFUL BITCH?!" That made me scoff, to hear her use such foul language; after she had scolded me for making crude gestures earlier. "LEAVE US ALONE, GODDAMN YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE, LEAVE SARIA ALONE! JUST... JUST GO AWAY!"
Wow. Sweet little Adia certainly seemed to have a bit of a mouth on her. One that I hadn't expected from someone as tender and innocent as she. Ahtrai took another step back, trying to put as much distance between herself and Adia as she could. She must have known that her constant jabs and remarks had gone too far, that she had crossed a line, obliterated it like chalk washed away in the rain. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. What could she say? What possible words could she have thought up that would placate this furious beast that had taken Adia's place? Even I was stunned by that outburst... but that was nothing compared to what was coming next.
Adia let out a primal scream, a terrible roar from some place deep inside where pain became anger. That scream echoed throughout the playground, ringing in my ears. Tossing her lunchbox aside, she began to run forward, lunging for Ahtrai with all the rage of a feral wildcat. Ahtrai tried to move out of the way, knowing what was coming, but it was too late. Adia stretched both of her arms out, catching Ahtrai around the waist. For a moment, the two girls almost became airborne as they were launched backwards, both shrieking; Adia in fury, Ahtrai in terror.
I stood there, frozen, as Ahtrai landed with a heavy thud on her back. She lay there, arms and legs pinned by Adia, who knelt over her, holding her down. She was essentially trapped, like a turtle that had been flipped onto its shell. She struggled, bucking, trying to shove Adia off of her. But all of the teasing, the mockery, the harsh words, must have unleashed some primal strength within Adia that made it so that she could effectively hold her tormentor down and deliver to her the retribution that, in my opinion, was so righteously deserved. The punishment that, some minuscule bit of me wished that I could have been the one to meet out.
Balling her little hand into a fist, Adia swung it behind her head. Ahtrai tried to scramble out from underneath her, but it was too late. Adia's fist made contact with Ahtrai's nose. Was that my imagination, or did I hear a crunch? Ahtrai let out an inhuman howl of agony, her hands flying up to cover her nose, which was now copiously bleeding. "You bitch!" she cried, wiping blood and mucous away with her hands. "Oh God, my nose, you broke my fucking nose! You little fucking brat! I'll kill you, do you hear me? I'll fucking KILL YOU!"
The sight of her own blood must have stirred some inner fortitude within Ahtrai. She twisted her elbow, bending it so that her fist was aligned with her chest, then thrust it forward, slamming it into Adia's throat, catching her in the solar plexus. It was a weak attack, she was still obviously dazed from the punch she'd just received, but it was enough to startle Adia and knock her back a little. Ahtrai elbowed my friend again, catching her under the ribs this time, knocking her to the ground and leaping on top of her, hitting her repeatedly across the face. She raised her fist to deliver a bunch to Adia's nose just as had been done to her, but before she could, Adia lunged forward and violently headbutted her, twice, hard enough to throw her to the ground again. It was at this moment that this little fight turned into an all-out brawl.
They clawed at each other, rolling over and over on the tarmac, Adia on top of Ahtrai, then Ahtrai on top of Adia, a tangled mess of legs and arms. They pulled at each other's hair, yanking out long strands within their fingers, slapped and kicked, screaming and yelling, cursing at one another. I watched this, arms folded over my chest, feeling this weird sense of... pride... that my supposedly mild-mannered and kindly best friend had it in her to defend me, to defend us, in this way. Good girl, I thought, a smirk forming on my lips, that's it, Adia jan, kick her ass. She deserves it. She deserves everything that you give to her. Hurt her. Make her bleed. Make her scream and beg for mercy. Unleash the animal within you, my dear, and make me proud!
Even as I thought this, a voice in the back of my head told me that I really ought to step in and do something about this. The adrenaline that Adia was feeling would soon begin to dissipate, and once that happened, I knew that Ahtrai would get the upper hand and when that happened... well... all hell would break loose for my naive young friend. Adia wasn't a fighter, by any stretch of the imagination, and she ran the risk of being badly hurt if someone didn't step in and try to put an end to this. And it was with this thought in mind that I dropped my lunchbox, watching it hit the ground with a symbolic thud, then rushed forward.
"Adia!" I cried out, hurrying towards her. "Adia, stop! Adia, please, get off of her!" Adia now had Ahtrai pinned to the ground once more, her hands balled into fists around the straps of her pinafore. She lifted her up, holding her so that they were nose to nose, then slammed her forcefully backwards. She did it again, and again, and again, tears pricking at her eyes, spilling over and splotching the front of her own pinafore. Ahtrai's head cracked against the dirt and gravel, little moans of pain escaping her lips.
I wrapped my arms around Adia's waist, grunting as I tried to drag her off of Ahtrai. My hands reached for her arms, pulling desperately in an attempt to move her away. "Enough, it's enough!" I yelled, struggling with her, trying to haul her backwards, to bring her to a place where I might be able to calm her down. It wasn't that I felt any kind of sympathy for Ahrtrai, far from it. I wanted her to suffer. I wanted her to be left bleeding out in a ditch somewhere, to preferably die at my hands, alone and forgotten, callously dumped in a shallow grave like Zainab before her. But there was a time and place for that, and the school playground was definitely not it.
I pressed my body against Adia's back, effectively using my admittedly small frame to hold her in place, to prevent her from causing any more harm. It worked about as well as you can imagine it would. Adia was absolutely ferocious, and was in no way ready to let this go. Whatever lesson she wanted to teach Ahtrai, it was clear that in her mind, the girl had not yet learned it. "Please," I whispered in her ear, "please, Adia, come on, this is getting out of hand. I know you're angry and upset, but this is... this is too far... come on, come on, sweetheart, come with me, please? She's not worth it!"
But Adia only continued to struggle against me, bucking as she attempted to throw me off of her. "Let go of me, Saria, why are you standing up for her? She's a horrible, awful bully who deserves everything that she gets! I hate her!" She turned her attention to Ahtrai, who spat blood in her face from a busted lip that Adia had given to her. "Do you hear me, Ahtrai? I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU!" I removed my hands from around her waist, instead grabbing her by the collar and trying to pull her backwards that way. This must have incensed her even more, and she turned to face me, now, that same demonic fury in her eyes that had once been directed at Ahtrai now being aimed at me.
"GODDAMN YOU, SARIA, GODDAMN YOU, I SAID GET AWAY!" It was with this agonising cry that she placed the palm of her hand in between my chest and forcefully shoved me backwards. I let out a high-pitched shriek, staggering over the lunchboxes that had been left on the ground, before landing in a crumpled heap. I attempted to throw my hands out to protect myself, but it was too late. I hit the gravel with such force that it sent shock-waves of agony through my entire body, centred around my right arm that appeared to have taken the brunt of the fall.
Fuck! The little fucking bitch pushed me! Who the fuck does she think she is, putting her hands on me like that? Where the hell does she get off, throwing me away like some piece of garbage? To do that to me when I'm only trying to help her! I swear, she deserves to be punished for that, she needs some HARSH discipline!
I staggered onto my knees, wiping tears of frustration with my uninjured arm, before turning to face Adia and Ahtrai, who were still brawling on the floor. I had every intention of throwing myself back into the fray, but before I could even move, before Adia could deliver another punch to Ahtrai's nose, we were all startled by a voice that rung out throughout the playground. A yell of righteous fury that seemed to make the world stop turning.
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"
It was Mermon Yashfa. She must have finally noticed what was going on, and was now charging across the playground like an avenging angel, a look of indignation in her eyes as she surged towards us. The other girls, some of whom had attempted to ignore the fight, others who were sending cursory glances our way, now turned their attention fully on our teacher as she began to pick up the pace, almost breaking into a sprint as she hurried into the middle of the altercation.
She immediately dropped to her knees beside me, taking me under the arm and attempting to guide me back to my feet. "Oh, Saria jan," she cooed, like a grandmother to her misfortunate waif of a granddaughter. I cried out in pain and humiliation, struggling for air as embarrassment coursed through me at being fussed over like a baby. Mermon Yashfa brushed the dirt and gravel from off my hair and clothes, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Are you okay?" she asked, "are you hurt?" Just as she asked this, she looked down, seeing the blood pouring from the gash in my arm.
"Oh, you poor dear," she clicked her tongue, holding me close. "It's alright, Saria jan, don't cry, everything's fine now. You're safe." Once she was satisfied that I was relatively unharmed, the woman then turned her attention to Adia and Ahtrai. Both of whom had had the good sense to stop fighting, and were now kneeling on the asphalt, heads bowed. However, this act of submission did nothing to assuage the palpable indignation that the woman felt. "You young ladies had better get to your feet right this instant!" she ordered, pointing to each of them in turn.
Ahtrai was the first to rise, struggling to her feet. She lurched from one side to the other, wiping blood from off of her nose and mouth. Meanwhile, Adia remained on the ground, frozen like a statue, as if she couldn't move. Mermon Yashfa wasn't having any of this, however, angrily raising her voice at the quivering girl. "Did you not hear me? I said GET UP!"
Crying in terror, Adia stood up, trembling from head to toe. Keeping her arm wrapped around my shoulder, Mermon Yashfa looked at the two brawling girls with absolute disdain in her eyes. She placed a hand on her hip, her eyes glancing back and forth between Adia and Ahtrai. As they stood before us, heads bowed, I was able to see the full extent of the damage that they had borne on one another. While Adia merely looked a little scuffed up, covered in dust and with her uniform looking a little rumpled. Ahtrai, on the other hand? She looked as if she had been through the ringer, as if she'd taken on a heavy-weight champion and lost, brutally.
Copious amounts of blood dripped from her nose. Her lip was busted open, and the straps of her uniform had been torn - clearly damaged from where Adia had grabbed them. She stood there, arms wrapped around herself, tears rolling down her cheeks. Mermon Yashfa looked at her, shaking her head in disbelief that something like this could have happened. She looked down at me, indignant that one of her top students had been injured by two brawling hooligans.
"What did you think you were doing?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at each of them in turn. "Fighting like common thugs! You'd both better have a GOOD explanation for this." No answer. "Well?" she demanded, her voice rising. "What do you have to say for yourselves?!"
Adia opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get a word in edge-ways, Ahtrai cut in first, clearly wanting to get her (obviously fabricated) side of the story in before Adia could. "It was Adia, Mermon Yashfa." She sniffled, wiping her nose with her finger, pulling it away covered in blood. She anxiously kicked at the ground with her shoe, tears rolling down her cheeks. Part of me wondered how real those tears were. "Adia started the whole thing. All I was doing was trying to talk to Saria and Adia. I saw them playing alone and I felt bad so I went over to ask if they wanted to play hopscotch with me and my friends. But... But Adia was really mean. She called me the 'b-word' and told me to eff off. Then she pushed me and punched me and then-"
"Shut up!" Adia yelled, stomping her feet like an insolent toddler. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! You started it, not me! This is all YOUR fault!"
I inhaled sharply, covering my mouth with my hands. Oh no, I thought, a pit of despair forming in my stomach. Oh God, Adia, why? Why would you do this? Why would you get yourself into even more trouble? For crying out loud! You've already been caught fighting, why couldn't you have just humbled yourself and apologised? Is being in the right really worth the aggravation?! What the hell is wrong with you?! You're just making this whole awful situation worse for the two of us!
Mermon Yashfa rounded on Adia, fixing her with a look so stern that even I felt myself cowed under her fearsome gaze. "You, young lady, are in more than enough trouble," she said, while Adia lowered her gaze and began flicking specks of dust off of her pinafore. "Don't think for a second that I didn't see you beating the absolute daylights out of young Ahtrai here. And the fact that you pushed Saria, too? Someone so much smaller than you? THAT is what I would classify as bullying, Miss Kalahari, and let me tell you, I have zero tolerance for it."
A sense of indignation coursed through me at being spoken about as if I was some fragile piece of glass that needed protecting. Still, I knew that I would have to speak up in Adia's defence. Angered though I might have been that she had pushed me, I still wasn't about to let Ahtrai get away with what she had done, especially since she had, in my opinion, been the true instigator of everything. I shyly tugged on Mermon Yashfa's sleeve, looking up at her. "Mermon Yashfa, please," I begged, "Please, I-"
But Mermon Yashfa merely hushed me, still keeping one arm wrapped tightly around my shoulder. She placed her hand on my golden curls, tenderly brushing away a few pieces of dust that had accumulated there. I tried to speak again, to tell her what had really happened, fight for Adia in the way that she had fought for me, but Mermon Yashfa simply hushed me, rubbing her thumb up and down my shoulder. "It's okay," she whispered. Knowing that there was nothing I could do, I fell silent - watching as the woman turned to Ahtrai and Adia, began to rebuke the two of them for their actions.
"Ahtrai," she said. The girl took a step forward, wringing her hands. She looked down at the ground, then back up to Mermon Yashfa, who furrowed her brows at her. The disdain shown on her face was indicative of what I felt towards the girl standing before us right now. "I understand that you were not the instigator of this fight. From what I have seen and heard, I am of the belief that you were trying to defend yourself from an attack." Wrong. Wrong. So very wrong. So wrong that it was painful to hear it spoken aloud. "However, this does not negate the fact that you are not entirely innocent in this matter. I am very, very disappointed in you, Ahtrai. You have been such a delightful student since your arrival to this school and community, and it saddens me that your positive reputation has now been tainted by your poor choices."
I fought the urge to grin at Ahtrai, watching her getting the scolding that she so richly deserved. She muttered an apology, bowing her head as she wiped away the tears that were pooling on her cheeks, mingling them with the blood upon her sleeves. Mermon Yashfa then pointed to Adia, curling her finger upwards in a "come here" motion. Adia, who was now crying openly, shuffled forward until she too was standing directly in front of our teacher, keeping her head lowered in a show of deference. She must have realised how much trouble she was going to be in, and was now attempting to mitigate that trouble by behaving herself in the most proper way that she absolutely could.
But nothing that she did could have calmed the fire-breathing dragon that was about to unleash all of its fury down upon her. Mermon Yashfa stepped away from me, moving so that she and Adia were now almost toe-to-toe. "I have been teaching in this school for many, many years," she began, letting out a slow, whistling breath. "And in all of those years, never, ever, have I been more disappointed in a student of mine than I am right now. Imagine my horror when I looked out of the classroom window to see you attacking one of your fellow classmates!" Oh, if only she had chosen to look out the window just a few minutes earlier, if only she had seen Ahtrai pulling Adia's hair and shoving me. Mermon Yashfa continued, shaking her head. "It shames me greatly to think that such a delightful, well-behaved person as yourself would resort to acting like a common thug, not only bullying Ahtrai - and yes, bullying is what I call it, for that is what it is, plain and simple - but also knocking Saria over when she attempted to bring this madness to an end."
"That's not-" I began, then stopped. What was I meant to say? How was I meant to convey the truth to this woman. She would believe what her eyes were showing to her, and Ahtrai's bloodied nose, along with my scraped up arm, spoke a thousand, no, a million, words. There was no person who could have viewed what Mermon Yashfa did and not come away with the belief that Adia was the one in the wrong here. That she was the instigator, the bully in this situation. But that's not to say that I wasn't going to try to speak up, with every bit of voice that I had left within me. "Mermon Yashfa, please, please, listen to me. It's not... It's..."
"Saria jan." Mermon Yashfa returned to my side, placing her finger under my chin as she bade me to look her in the eye. "You're not in any sort of trouble, dear, you need to understand that. I know that you were only trying to break up the fight, that you had no part in this. But, and I am not scolding you, Saria jan, merely stating this as I am concerned for your safety; you should have gone to fetch me as soon as the fight began. You may have thought that you were doing the right thing, and your courage to step in is admirable, but that does not change the fact that you got hurt whilst doing so, and that this could have ended up much, much worse for you."
I bristled at the rebuke, muttering a swear word in German under my breath; one that Mermon Yashfa thankfully did not hear or acknowledge. Maybe, you old hag, if you had chosen to come out onto the playground earlier, you might have seen what was really going on. You might have seen Ahtrai stalking us, might have heard the words she screamed at us. Hell, if you took a fucking look at your own classroom, you would see all of the times that Ahtrai has made our lives a misery. Wake up, you deplorable cunt, wake up and see what is right in front of you!
For a moment, we all just remained there in silence, except for the noise of Adia's heaving, gasping sobs. Oh, how I wanted to go to her, to wrap her in my arms and hold her tight, whisper sweet nothings into her ear and shield her from any and all harm. Yes, I might still have been fuming at her actions, might still have wanted to punish her for the harm she had caused to me, but that didn't mean I had no sympathy for the poor little thing and the trouble she was no doubt now in. Mermon Yashfa turned on her heel, pointing towards the school as she began to walk towards it, keeping me close to her side the whole time. "Follow me," she said, "we will continue this discussion inside."
The three of us followed alongside her, nobody saying a word. Mermon Yashfa fussed and coddled over me the whole time, speaking kind words, telling me that everything was going to be alright, reminding me that this was not my fault, that I was in no sort of trouble. I wrapped my arms around myself, my little body swaying from one side to the other, feeling the adrenaline beginning to crash, leaving nothing but pain, fear, and rage bubbling up within, twisting inside of a place deep within me to the point where it made me feel sick.
We entered the school. Mermon Yashfa led us down the corridor, her steps echoing against the linoleum floor. Past the classroom door we walked, and I wondered if we would be returning for the rest of the afternoon. Would this event lead to a speech to the entire class about how fighting would not be tolerated? Would Adia face the humiliation of having to stand in front of the other girls and be rebuked for her actions, forced to offer a grovelling apology to the cunt who had started this whole thing? But before I could even contemplate these terrible ideas, we had reached the nurse's office, and Mermon Yashfa was pushing open the door.
The nurse hurriedly opened the door, a friendly smile on her countenance. That smile soon faded, as she took in the sight before her. That of Ahtrai's bloodied nose and lip, of the blood dripping down my arm, the tearing on my sleeve. She looked back and forth between the two of us, then over to Mermon Yashfa, who stood there with her hands pressed on Adia's shoulders. She opened her mouth to ask the obvious question, but before she could even get a word out, Mermon Yashfa cut across her.
"I've just had to break up a rather violent altercation," she said, "as you can no doubt see, two of my students have ended up wounded because of it. Ahtrai because she was part of that fight, and little Saria here because she attempted to stop things from escalating more than they already had." As she said this, Adia winced, and I wondered if Mermon Yashfa's grip on her shoulders was hurting her. "I want both Ahtrai and Saria to receive medical attention for their injuries. Once that is done, please escort Ahtrai to the main office, where she will receive the appropriate discipline for her part in the fight."
"Yes, yes, of course. Of course," the nurse responded, ushering the two of us into her office. I stole a cursory glance back at Adia, who was now openly sobbing, almost wailing in terror as Mermon Yashfa lead her away. Her pleas for forgiveness, for understanding, to be heard. And I could hear the tongue-lashing that Mermon Yashfa was giving to her, knowing with a sickening sensation in my gut that this was not the only lashing my friend was soon to receive. Schools in Afghanistan still practised corporal punishment at this time, and I knew without a doubt that Adia was now in for one hell of a whipping after what she had, allegedly, just done. Part of me wanted to get up - to chase after them, scream and yell and pitch a fit until Mermon Yashfa would, finally, listen to me. That she would see sense. But even as I thought these things, I couldn't bring my feet to move.
The memory of the horrendous beating that I had received from my own parents, as well as the rule that had been imparted to Assef and I since we were little children - "punished at school, then doubly punished upon return home" - prevented me from going to defend my friend from having that same thing happening to her. Does that make me a coward? Perhaps. But I challenge anyone to have gone through what I did and not feel conflicted. Besides, there was some part of me, minuscule though it was, that felt this was some level of retribution being brought upon Adia for pushing me. Maybe, on some level, she deserved to be hurt, even for a moment, even if I wasn't the one dealing out the pain.
Closing the door behind us, the nurse motioned for Ahtrai and I to sit together on the stretcher. The instant that we did, she wasted no time in getting the necessary materials. She materialised a wad of tissues, pressing them into Ahtrai's hand and guiding her to hold it against her nose. Ahtrai was now weeping copiously, rocking back and forth, burying her face in her hands. I glanced over at her, narrowing my eyes in revulsion at the pathetic display before me. Laying it on a bit fucking thick, now aren't we? I thought, wanting to smack those tears right off of her face. An adroit manipulator can sense a fellow comrade - though I would never deign to refer to Ahtrai as such - and I knew that she was just trying to milk this for all it was worth.
"Let me see your arm, dear," the nurse said, holding her hand out to me. I extended my arm, twisting it in such a way that she could see the damage that had befallen me. She twisted it back and forth between her fingers, keeping a gentle touch as she began to wipe the blood and gravel from off of my wound. "I'm going to have to put some antiseptic cream on this," she told me, stepping away for a moment as she fetched the necessary items. "This is going to sting, sweetheart, please brace yourself."
Though I did as she asked, I was still unable to stop the cry of pain that escaped my lips as she wiped the antiseptic cream on my injuries. I didn't want to cry, didn't want to show that weakness in front of Ahtrai, but it wasn't anything that I had the capacity to stop. The tears just rolled down my cheeks, little whimpers escaping from my lips. The nurse looked back and forth from me to Ahtrai, who was still clutching the wad of tissues against her nose, shaking her head in disbelief.
"I just can't believe this," she said, moving over to Ahtrai, taking the tissues away from her and pressing the tip of her finger to her nose. "Fighting, in this day and age. Such deplorably unladylike behaviour." She examined Ahtrai again, looking pointedly at her. "You're lucky that your nose doesn't seem to have been broken. Just a nosebleed, that's all." She shook her head, looking towards the door. "That girl who started the fight is going to be in big, BIG trouble for this. I wouldn't be surprised if she is suspended for her actions, and rightly so, if you ask me."
Her words hit me full force, causing me to sob in panic. They couldn't suspend Adia, could they? I knew she was facing a whipping for her actions, but suspension?! Surely that... that was going too far, right? They couldn't do that! Couldn't take my only friend away from me. Terror gripped me at the mere idea, knowing that if Adia was no longer there, Ahtrai would have a field day with me as her target. The idea made me sob afresh, and the nurse gave me a concerned look. "Are you alright, dear?" she asked, reaching for me.
Ahtrai moved the tissues aside, wrapping her arms around me. Stunned, I could do nothing but freeze as she held me close, acting the part of the concerned, benevolent friend. "She's just overwhelmed by all of this," she told the nurse, stroking my hair in the way that one does to a whining dog. "It's been a really harrowing time. Saria jan is just feeling a bit upset by what she's seen, by all that's happened. That's all it is. Please don't concern yourself, ma'am. Everything is fine."
I had to give it to her; she knew how to play the role of the sympathetic friend. Knew how to pretend that she cared, that the two of us were nothing more than victims in this scenario, and not victim and perpetrator. It turned my stomach to have her embrace me in this way, to hear her tell me that everything was going to be okay - speaking loud enough that the nurse could hear it. She smiled at us both, no doubt thinking about what great friends we must have been, how kind and caring Ahtrai was for trying to comfort me. I knew that she must have viewed me in the same infantilizing manner that everyone else did.
After a moment that felt like an eternity, the nurse addressed Ahtrai once more. "You had best come with me to the principal's office," she said, motioning towards the door. "Mermon Yashfa will be waiting there for you. I don't expect that you will be in too much trouble," she added, as if trying to give some comfort to the now-whimpering Ahtrai. "But regardless, you don't want to keep her waiting, now do you?" The nurse then looked at me. "Saria jan, do you think that you'll be alright on your own for a few minutes?"
I nodded. Anything to get out of Ahtrai's grasp, to be left to my own devices for once. Once more, I was hit with the urge to scream out to high heaven the truth of what had happened. To let the nurse know that she was wrong to have shown concern for Ahtrai, that she was the real oppressor here, that she was the one who deserved to be suspended. But I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to be freed of those words, no matter how much they weighed me down.
Ahtrai prepared herself to be escorted to the principal's office. Before she did, however, she gave me one final hug, tightening her grip on me to the point where it was almost painful. Ensuring that the nurse wasn't looking, she leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Not a word, bitch," she whispered menacingly, "not a single fucking word about what really happened here. For your sake, you had better stay silent, because I swear to you, if you even dare to think about telling anyone what I've done, any of it, you will regret it. Got that?"
With those parting words, she got up from off of the stretcher, following the nurse as she led her out of the office. Now left alone, I allowed the full weight of today's events to truly hit me, leaning back and covering my face with my hands, tears splotching onto my fingertips. The only thing that I could think of, as I lay there, was the question; what happens next?
Even as the words circled round and round in my brain, as I waxed poetic over what would become of not only Ahtrai and Adia, but me, too, a sense of foreboding overcame me, letting me know that this would be one question I was not prepared to have answered.
Thank you all so much for reading! In the next chapter, Saria returns home from school, only to be faced with a phone-call from Mermon Yashfa, explaining the incident to her parents. But will she face any sort of repercussions for her actions, and what does this mean for her friendship with Adia? Stay tuned to find out!
Thank you again, I really appreciate every single kind and wonderful soul who takes the time to read my work. I send you all my love and best wishes!
