pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

Yui snored softly, resting her head on Yukinoshita's shoulder. I thought it was adorable the way Yukinoshita looked down admiringly at Yui. So this girl had a soft side after all. How cute.

The mountains were scenic as we drove up into them. I'd seen them before but the rugged hills were nice to look at. We entered a tunnel and through it shone a great orange light. I grimaced around a hallucination in my eye. Otherwise I enjoyed the trip and listening to Hiratsuka Sensei talk about anime. I shared a little but I didn't watch too much and I didn't keep up with the seasonal anime changes. I'd watched Dragon Ball and Naruto in my time, however. I wasn't caught up on One Piece but I'd seen most of it. I didn't have time for manga so I couldn't really keep up with Hiratsuka Sensei.

I'd been up at Chiba Village for an outdoor ed camp back in middle school but it had been a while. I was struck with deja vu but it was light and easily brushed aside. I didn't let it feed my paranoid thoughts. Supposedly deja vu was your hippocampus having a spasm and making you remember things. That's why sometimes you feel like you've done things before. A little brain malfunction. Unlike big brain malfunctions. Like sichizophrenia or whatever the fuck I had.

I didn't quite fit the symptomology. I had what were probably delusions and hallucinations but I recognized them as psychosis. I was too cognizant of what was happening to me for traditional schizophrenia. Maybe I was schizoaffective or similar. Not sure. And we couldn't exactly afford a diagnosis.

"Hikki?" Yui asked from the back. I turned around a little and glanced back at her. She'd woken up but still rested her head on Yukinoshita's shoulder. I glanced out the window rather than stare at the two girls, heat rising to my face as I looked at them being all close to one another.

"What's up?" I asked. I stared forward once more.

"Do you want to have kids one day?"

I breathed a heavy breath. Kids? Well…

"I don't know. I have a bit of a responsibility to eliminate myself from the gene pool. Psychosis can have genetic factors as well as environmental ones. I hate being alive. It makes me nauseous. I can't really imagine condemning somebody else to what I'm going through. Plus I could always end up eliminating myself before I meet somebody. I can't really see that happening."

"But do you want kids? Do you want to have them? You're just stating reasons why you shouldn't." It was Yukinoshita. I glanced back once more and met her eye. She was… she was looking right through me. She was right. I was just stating reasons I shouldn't have them and not really answering the question I was asked. I should at least be honest. I tried to always be honest.

"I…" I hesitated. "I don't think so. I never really think about it. I really can't see that in my future. I'm a loner. I have issues. I don't want to pass that along to somebody I'm supposed to love."

"You'd be a good parent," Yui informed me. I sucked in a breath. I didn't believe her. I think having kids is hard as fuck. It's like brain surgery.

"I don't think so…" I trailed off. "I'm too impatient. I'd struggle with teaching them things."

"You're never impatient with me, even though… well… I'm not as smart as you are." Yui reminded.

"That's different and not fair on you. Almost nobody is as smart as me. Being a parent is a constant thing. I'm patient with you but only for short bursts. I can tolerate that. But being a parent would be a totally new beast."

"You really think that about yourself?" Yui asked.

"For the most part. Its more complicated than that. Everything is. But that's the essence of it," I answered. "This is semantical anyways. I'd need a girlfriend or wife or whatever and I can't really see that happening either. I have my sister."

"Here comes the siscon," Yukinoshita rolled her eyes. I rolled mine back. It wasn't like that and Yukinoshita knew that. I didn't demean myself by refuting her. She knew.

"At any rate I just can't see it. Even if I accomplished all my other dreams, goals, and aspirations."

"LIke what?" Yui wondered.

"There's the big seven problems in mathematics. A couple of little problems like the inscribed square problem or the sofa couch problem. Then there's gravity and all the issues with that monster."

"What are the issues with gravity?"

"None of our equations really truly work," I responded. "And they may never. I may never. But I'd like to do a little better than we are currently doing. I'd like to contribute."

"What about, I don't know, settling down?" Yui pressed.

"I can't really see it. Every time I think of my future I don't think it will go down that way."

"That's kind of sad. You could do all these things and you'd still be miserable," Yui hammered me. I shrugged.

"I'm a miserable person as a general rule." I dismissed her.

Our van headed straight for Chiba Village like an arrow. It was just an ordinary day, but the road was teeming with cars. Occasionally, short traffic jams sprang up, spanning a kilometre at a time.

"The road's surprisingly busy," I remarked.

"That's because there are plenty of campsites around here. They even have hot springs. I thought it was a custom for middle schoolers from Chiba City to walk around the Sarugakyo Onsen area."

"Wow, I had no idea it was such an established icon…"

"I see… it must be because it's a place of bad memories for you, Hikigaya… it's understandable that you'd forget."

"Please don't taint people's memories. The way I see it, school trip‐like events are a great opportunity."

"You sound like a festival junkie. I guess plenty of students do brighten up suddenly during those sorts of events."

"Er, no… I meant spending the time without obstructive thoughts is a great opportunity…" If you examined my graduation album closely, you'd be surprised by how dead my face looked. Perhaps my classmates were more surprised that such a person even existed.

"This'll be like an outdoor ed camp, so the plan is to stay three days and two nights. Will you be okay?"

"Three days and two nights? What, we're staying the night? I didn't bring anything!"

"You'll be fine. It seems Komachi‐san did the packing," Yukinoshita said to me.

I just realised something. Oh, so that was what those bags were for. The reason there were two of them was because one was for me and the other was for Komachi.

"Your sister is unbelievably good at getting things done," Hiratsuka‐sensei said admiringly.

"I know, right? My sister is my pride and soul. She's got the Big Three: cuteness, prettiness and good looks."

"That's essentially one thing…" Yukinoshita interjected. Her words were mind‐ blowing.

Now that we'd slowed down and left the lower town, we delved even further into the mountain road. The minivan ran up the narrowing path without a hitch.

When I got out of the car, I caught a whiff of thick grass. It felt as if there was a lot of room to breathe for some reason. I wondered if verdant green forests made you feel that way.

Somewhere slightly out in the open, a handful of buses stood motionless. This was Chiba Village's car park. Hiratsuka‐sensei parked her car there.

Yuigahama stepped out of the car and stretched with all her might. "Mm! This feels nice!"

"If all you do is sleep and use someone as a pillow, I suppose it must feel nice," Yukinoshita said tartly. I saw you, Yukinoshita. You didn't mind. You looked like you even enjoyed it. You can't take that back and can't fake that.

Yuigahama whimpered. "I‐I'm sorry! Honest!" she apologised, clapping her hands together. Yui would do it again in a heartbeat. I saw through her too.

"Whoa… we're really in the mountains." Totsuka admired the scenery belatedly.

Marvelling the mountains is a natural consequence of living in a flat area – that's a Chiba citizen for you. Even while Komachi said, "I only just came here last year!", she seemed to be having the time of her life, judging from how deeply she inhaled.

I might not be Yui, but I did have to admit that the cool wind from the plateau and the pleasant sunlight filtering through the trees felt pretty nice indeed. Like the others, I looked forward to being cut off from human contact for the foreseeable future. Maybe I could mail order my shopping and stuff.

"Hmph, the air is strange," Hiratsuka‐sensei said as she started inhaling from her cigarette. I wondered how she could even taste the air like that. "We'll move out from here. Take out your bags," she said, letting out a long sigh that honestly did sound satisfied.

As we retrieved our baggage from the car as instructed, another minivan arrived. I sighed. To my surprise, it seemed ordinary visitors came here as well, which made sense considering the campsites and stuff in the vicinity. Since it was a public facility, it didn't cost much to use, so it might be an unexpected hidden gem.

Four people exited the car: two boys and two girls.

Indeed, they carried the scent of ripe fruits and cheesy love dramas. Stuff I didn't really care much for but found myself entangled in anyways. I sighed.

Just as I was thinking those types would probably go mountain‐climbing in casual clothes as if they were having a picnic, only to get stranded and so on, one of the members of the group raised his hand casually in my direction.

"Hi there, Hikitani‐kun." What? Whatever.

"…Hayama?" I was surprised – Hayama was part of that group. Actually, Hayama wasn't the only one I recognised. When I looked closely, Hayama's group had assembled: Miura, the ditzy blonde Tobe and the hardcore fujoshi Ebina‐san. …huh? Where was the virgin fence‐sitter Ooka? "What are you here for…? A barbeque?" I asked. "In that case, I recommend the sandbanks as a good spot."

"Nah, we're not having a barbeque. If we were just having a barbeque, my parents wouldn't drive us all the way up here." Hayama smiled wryly.

So I was wrong, huh. Then I recommend you go mountain‐climbing in casual clothes, I thought, when suddenly Hiratsuka‐sensei crushed her cigarette against the grass. "Hmph. Looks like everyone's here."

By 'everyone', did she mean that Hayama and the others had been included from the start?

"Now then, you guys know why I invited you here?" she asked us.

We exchanged glances.

"You're asking us to stay over and perform volunteer activities," Yukinoshita said.

Totsuka nodded at her words. "Yep, we're helping out, I guess."

Beside them, Yui cocked her head in puzzlement. "Huh? It's not a training camp?"

"I heard it was a camp," Komachi said uncertainly.

"I never heard anything in the first place…" I shrugged. Hey, which one was the right answer? These guys would suck balls at Chinese Whispers.

Hayama smiled. "I heard we were getting unofficial extra credit for this…" he said with a strained laugh.

"Huh. I just came 'cos I heard, like, there'd be a camp, y'know?" Miura played with her curls.

"I know, right? But man, it sucks if that's the only reason." Tobe scratched the back of his neck.

"When I heard that Hayama‐kun and Tobe‐kun were camping together, I hrnnngged." Only Ebina‐san had a weird reason. Also, what was she even saying at the end there?

Hiratsuka‐sensei face‐palmed and sighed. "Geez. Well, at least you got the gist of it. I'm having you do volunteer activities for a while."

"Um, what would that entail…?" I asked. I wasn't about labor very much.

"For whatever reason, the principal instructed me to direct the Service Club's regional activities… and so I brought you here. You guys will be working as a support staff for the elementary kids in their outdoor education camp. You'll be Chiba Village personnel, teachers on standby and support for the children. To put it simply, you'll be doing the odd jobs." She paused. "More to the point, you're slaves."

I wanted to go home… she might as well have called this a sweatshop. I mean, sweatshops make you sweat, after all.

"This counts as a training camp for the Service Club, and I'm more than willing to give you extra credits for your work as Hayama mentioned. You'll also have some time for yourselves."

Aha, I see how it is. Everyone could understand when it was laid out for us like that. We had only heard about the things we were personally interested in, that's all.

"Now then, let's get going. You're on duty as soon as you put your bags in the main building," Hiratsuka‐sensei said as she led the way.

We all started walking in suit behind her. I might say that, but we weren't a particularly close‐knit group. Yukinoshita and I walked right behind Hiratsuka‐sensei, while Komachi and Totsuka trailed behind us.

They were followed by Yui, while Hayama's group lagged even further behind. Since Yui was right in the very centre, it somehow looked as if we formed a single group. An asphalt path guided us from the car park to the main building.

Along the way, Yukinoshita spoke up, a gloomy look on her face. "Excuse me… why are Hayama‐ kun and the others included in this, may I ask?"

"Hm?" Hiratsuka‐sensei looked over her shoulder. "Oh, you're asking me."

"Well, who else would she speak politely to?" I asked. In this situation, I figured the only person who warranted such language was someone of Hiratsuka‐sensei's authority.

But when I pointed that out, Yukinoshita flashed me a strangely sunny smile. "Come now, that is not necessarily true. Even if you are not speaking to someone of a higher social standing than you, one can use polite language to evoke a sense of distance. Is that not so, Hikigaya‐san?" she giggled.

"Why, that is indeed so, Yukinoshita‐san," I chuckled.

Hiratsuka‐sensei interrupted our exchange of feigned laughter. "You guys never change. Right, you asked me the reason why I invited Hayama's group. It looked like we were understaffed, so I put up a recruitment notice on the school bulletin board. You guys probably didn't see it, though. Not that I honestly thought anyone would apply for something like that…"

"So why did you put up a recruitment notice then?"

"It's a matter of formalities. If I just watched out for you guys, it wouldn't be terribly interesting. So I went to those lengths for appearance's sake. I mean, handling those good‐looking popular students is not my strong suit. Looking at them makes my heart ache."

More like those words made my heart ache. Please! Someone please take her already!

"But although that may be the case, I am a teacher. I must treat everyone as equally as possible."

I sighed. "Must be tough being a teacher." If preferential treatment meant getting punched by my own teacher, I wanted none of it. "You're a teacher – no, it's probably true for all adults. That kind of situation must come up often in workplaces."

I could see a shadow come over Hiratsuka‐sensei's face.

To serve an organisation also meant putting up with its bad side. To be honest that was part of the appeal of solving one of the big seven or handling quantum gravity. You could work wherever you wanted with tenure and all the benefits. You could even work no where if you wanted. I think I'd work at Cern given the choice and evaluate experiments into high temperature physics. Yang Mills theory and the like. It was a tough road ahead of me, especially if I didn't end up with any big proofs to my name or thought experiments. That's how Einstein got things done. Thought experiments. Those could be conducted alone in a dark room and that's all I really wanted from life. To be alone in a dark room just thinking was perfect. Well, maybe something nice for my sister, too.

As she looked over her shoulder at Yukinoshita and me, Hiratsuka‐sensei smiled gently. "This is also a good chance for you. You ought to learn how to handle people from other communities."

"Nope, not gonna happen. I can't get along with those guys."

"You're mistaken, Hikigaya. There's no need to get along with them. I said handle them. Learn not to antagonise or ignore them but to get through the experience intact in a casual, businesslike way. That is what it means to adapt to society."

"Easier said than done." If even ignoring them was off‐limits, then I was a goner.

Silence.

Yukinoshita said nothing upon hearing those words. She made no reply or rebuttal – not even a murmur of agreement.

Hiratsuka‐sensei smiled wryly at our attitude. "Well, you probably can't do all that right away, so just keep it in mind for the future," she said to us.

Once again, we walked along without saying anything.

Handling people, huh…

Perhaps it was not as difficult as it sounded. Getting along with others was a matter of emotions, but handling them was a matter of one's own skill.

You'd bring up a topic, have a conversation with each other and respond to their answers with like sentiment. In the course of that process, you'd narrow the other person's strike zone whilst indirectly telling them the range of your own defence. By doing that, you could handle them effectively.

Since I doubted my ability to initiate a smooth conversation, it would probably end up stilted before long. I might give a miscalculated response.

Still, you'd pick it up eventually if you practised it long enough, just like any skill.

After all, the act of handling people could only be described as an endless chain: you fool yourself, you fool the other person, the other person allows you to fool them, and you allow them to fool you. There was nothing to it.

In the end, it was putting into practice the same thing boys and girls learn at school. It was a necessary skill for those who belonged to an organisation or group, and the only thing that separated adults from students was the difference in scale.

In the end, it only amounted to falsehood and backstabbing.

In mathematics you can't lie. As in literally cannot. I think that's part of why I liked it. Nobody could come in and start posturing and proselytizing. They had to tell the truth and be honest. At least that's how it worked for those fluent in the language of math. And it really was another language. Just another way of talking and communicating. Maybe that's why it had holes in it. Godel's incompleteness theorem and the halting problem and the like. But that's what made it an interesting tool. That's what made the game fun. People as a general rule weren't fun. They lied and cheated and betrayed. Mathematics was pure.

I didn't like telling lies. I avoided it wherever possible and just told the truth misleadingly when I had to. Sometimes I got put in a corner but otherwise telling the truth worked out well for me. I think Yukinoshita was picking up on that but I wasn't truly complaining. It made my skin crawl a little for somebody to get to know me but other than that it was fine. I guess. I'm not sure. However Yukinoshita was one thing and Hayama's group was quite another.

I sighed.

I'd just have to handle it.

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

-WG