I feel like Halloween is a muse for most authors.
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I blinked away some fireflies in my eyes. Or maybe they were sparks. Huh. I'd never had visual hallucinations before. Not really. Not that I know of.
It wasn't just phosphines. They were sparks. I could track them a little. Visual hallucinations were something new but at least they were subtle and not malicious. Not like the bugs or the voices at their worst. This was new but not all bad. I was left blinking and looking around a little.
Yukinoshita eyed me but said nothing as I blinked wearily and tried to dispel the little embers. She frowned a little. Something like concern on her brow. And as nice as that felt directed at me I couldn't really enjoy it. I was too distracted.
I'd never hallucinated a whole person like John Nash. Not that I know of at least. Doctor Nash had serious issues but he and I were different. We had different symptomology. It manifested differently in us. I glanced out over the crowd of sixth graders. They were all in different colors like birds of paradise. It was a little disorienting but not as much as those little sparks in front of my eyes. I could handle this. They were just kids. Kids… kids… kids… kids scare me a little. I didn't really like kids. I got the feeling kids didn't really like me right back.
I'd had my childhood robbed from me by being a loner. I couldn't truly relate to them. They had bright and smiling faces with their whole futures ahead of them. I didn't have anything like that. I never did.
And who knows? Maybe that was on my parents in how they raised me but I kinda doubted it. My parents, despite their shortcomings and faults, were good people. They were honest and hardworking and near as I could tell they really loved one another and us even if my father's love was distant at times. All the time really. At least to me. Komachi was their darling. And mine I suppose.
So I didn't really believe it was my parents' fault even though I resented my own birth at times. But that still left me in an awkward position around young children and even my peers. I tried to focus the fuck up. Now was not the time to start hallucinating. Or at least now was not the time to let it distract me.
To my left, Yui was wincing in bewilderment, and to my right, Yukinoshita was turning slightly pale. Even though the teachers were standing directly behind the students, there was no indication that things were about to change. For my part, I just stared hard at my wristwatch. A nice silvery thing my father bought me for my birthday one year. This would be over soon and I could get back to figuring out the deeper mysteries. Or maybe reading a book. I was part of the way through Existentialism as a Humanism by Sartre.
Philosophy wasn't my main focus but I tried to at least be up with the times. That meant reading people like Camus, Sartre, and Dostoevsky. It even meant reading a little Shakespeare which I tried. I wasn't as good as some people like maybe Yukinoshita but I still tried to be well rounded and deep.
I wanted to be academic, confident, and romantic, even. A little. But I just felt weird and over dramatic. There were daily reminders that I was pathetic. When you're surrounded by it, it's hard to forget it.
I read books like The Dragons of Eden by Carl Sagan when I was younger. Sagan was an inspiration to me. He invented a system of classifying civilizations based on information. It didn't work well but it existed. It was in that book that I first explored the notions of brain size vs body mass being an indicator of intelligence in the animal kingdom. Brain size alone wasn't great. Elephants and whales had humans beat. But when you divide by body mass you get better results. It was interesting and it shaped me. Sagan thought alien life was possible and I tended to agree. I thought we'd only find simple alien life within the super cluster but it still stood. The universe could literally go on forever. Wouldn't that be mind boggling?
And here I was despite all that in front of kids with no way of knowing how to reach out to them. I was in the most densely populated place for a hundred trillion lightyears and was for the most part alone.
There was a teacher giving an opening speech. I tuned it out for the most part.
Orientations were boring and not worth listening to for the most part. No new information could be gleaned by listening in so I didn't. Instead I minded my own business and shuffled my feet and watched the little fireflies in front of my eyes until they faded. They did eventually and the teacher was wrapping up their speech.
"Last, but not least, these are the nice boys and girls who will be helping you kids out. Let's give them a proper hello to start with. Pleased to meet you."
"Pleased to meet you," they sang out of time with each other. It was a drawn‐out greeting, much like the 'Ita‐da‐ki‐maaaaasu!' they were all meant to say during the school lunchtime.
The elementary schoolers' inquisitive gazes turned on us all at once. As if on cue, Hayama took a brisk step forward.
"We'll be helping you all out for the next three days. Don't be afraid to tell us anytime you need something. Let's make this a summer camp to remember, okay? We look forward to spending time with you all."
Everyone burst into applause. The elementary schoolgirls squealed and giggled over him. The teachers clapped silently as well.
I rolled my eyes. I could never pull that off. I guess I should be jealous but I didn't really have the energy. I had better things to focus on.
Going by his specs alone, I doubted Yukinoshita could match him either. "You're the leader of the Service Club, so aren't you gonna greet them too?"
"I'm not particularly fond of standing in front of others."
Not surprising, really. I mean, this chick would stand out in a crowd no matter what she did. She seemed to find something painful about that. Perhaps she didn't enjoy the full brunt of the attention.
"I am rather fond of standing over others, however…"
Oh, right… She did like that shit. She loved towering over me while I did pushups with Saika that one time. I couldn't even say it wasn't well earned. She was clever and ambitious. Not to mention beautiful. But it really was too bad she was such a bitch.
"Okay," the teachers called out. "Let the orienteering begin!"
The students fell into groups of five or six. Judging from how smoothly they sorted into groups, they must have decided on them beforehand. In all likelihood, they would be doing the activities in those groups for the duration of the camp.
suppose not many grade schoolers associated group sorting with dark emotions. Every kid had the same bright expression on his or her face. They had yet to express the concept of the school caste in concrete terms. From middle school and beyond, those cruel demarcations would be etched in stone. Your time as a grade schooler was a happy bubble.
Even my own time as a grade schooler wasn't bad. I thought people liked me and I thought I got on well with others. I hadn't. Not really. But it was only upon reflection that that was realized. I'd been happy enough at the time. No hallucinations. No mathematics. Just bliss. Sweet sweet ignorance was all there was to it.
Our own group had somehow settled into a drawn‐out silence. As he gazed at one of the groups of elementary schoolers, Tobe scratched his hair and opened his mouth. "Man, those elementary schoolers are way young. We high schoolers are, like, old farts now." I shot him a long look. We really weren't that much older. Not really.
"Hey, Tobe, could you quit that? It's like I'm some old hag." Miura sent him a warning shot.
Tobe grew flustered. "Whoa, I totes wasn't saying that! No sirree!"
For a moment there, I swore I could feel Hiratsuka‐sensei's gaze on us, but maybe I just imagined it. If only that were the case.
"But you know, back when I was in elementary school, high schoolers looked really grown up to me," Totsuka said wistfully, having paid attention to the conversation ahead of him.
That was true. Older kids seemed much older and more mature from that perspective. More adult like. With more freedoms. Ah, what I wouldn't give to be an ignorant little elementary schooler.
Hearing Totsuka, Komachi tapped her index finger against her chin and tilted her head. "High schoolers feel grown up from my perspective, y'know? Besides my brother."
"You… take that back," I demanded halfheartedly. I exaggerated my voice so it sounded like it was on the verge of cracking. She just grinned over at me.
Upon hearing Komachi's scathing words, Totsuka patted my back lightly. "I might not be able to see how you are at home, but you seem grown up at school, Hachiman," he giggled. "You're really calm and composed, you know?"
"S-Saika…" I was on the brink of tears.
At that moment, I heard a cool voice mixed with scornful laughter. "He only looks that way because he's not talking to anyone. In truth, he is a lonesome and miserable soul." When I turned around, she was there. Yukinoshita had an icy smile on her face. I retaliated with a cold smile of my own.
"…how do you know my conduct in the classroom, I wonder? Are you a stalker? Are you aware of the laws against disturbing the peace? Do you wish to die socially?"
"You've gotten even better than before…" Yuismiled with amazement. I shot Yui a genuine grin which she matched with bright brown, almost red, eyes glowing softly. I paused to drink in the sight of her glowing at me like that before I shook it off. A blizzard was brewing behind me and I dread to stare it down.
"…are you perhaps… trying to imitate someone?"
"I wouldn't think myself capable of such a thing," I returned. "Why? Did I sound familiar."
"I should have known you could only get by by imitating me."
"I don't need to 'get by.' I do perfectly well on my own."
"According to who?" Yukinoshita demanded.
"Well, you. I guess. Remember that time I met your sister?"
She looked away. "I should hope you'd be less ensnared by her."
"I'm not 'ensnared by her.' I called her out to you. She makes me uncomfortable, remember?"
"Do I make you uncomfortable?" Yukinoshita asked, a blizzard behind her words.
"Of course not Yukinoshita-san. You are a perfectly normal high school girl." I lied.
She rolled her eyes at my antics. "That's not what I meant."
"Well that's what you're getting from me."
"Ah, I get it. So that girl's Hikitani‐kun's little sister, huh? I didn't think she resembled Totsuka," Hayama said as he stepped in front of Komachi.
Hey, don't get close to Komachi…
"I'm Hikitani‐kun's classmate Hayama Hayato. Pleased to meet you, Komachi‐ chan."
"Um, hi. Nice to meet you too. Thanks for helping out my brother." Komachi recoiled in surprise and hid her face behind Yui. From her vantage point, she looked Hayama up and down.
"Hayato‐kun, there's no way she could be Sai‐chan's little sister," Yui said. "She looks more like she's related to Yukinon."
That was only from the hair…
Hayama shook his head at Yuigahama's words. "Nah, I know Yukinoshita‐san doesn't have a little sister."
"Oh, is that ri… huh? Why do you know that, Hayato‐kun?"
"Why, you ask…?" Hayama sent Yukinoshita a sideway glance.
Instead of meeting his gaze, Yukinoshita was looking squarely at the elementary schoolers. "I wonder what we're supposed to do."
"Ah, good question. I'll call Hiratsuka‐sensei over for a bit." Hayama pulled away, having read the danger signs.
Yukinoshita was prickly towards Hayama in spite of herself. She was like that towards me as well, but she wielded her thorns like a sword in my case. Her prickliness towards Hayama felt more passive, as if she was attempting to shun him. I wondered if she had a riajuu allergy. I mean, I totally had a riajuu allergy too. I wondered if antihistamines would be effective.
Once Hayama made his retreat, Komachi sidled up closer to me. "Onii‐chan, this is bad news!"
"What is?" "If you compete against that pretty boy, your odds of winning are zero, onii‐chan! All systems red!"
"What?" I demanded. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"This might indeed be bad news… you give off extreme uke vibes, not to mention I feel you'd be a tsundere uke, so if Hayama‐kun ever came after you, you'd submit to him right away."
"Er, right… I'll watch out for that."
When I thought about it, that was my first conversation with Ebina‐san ever. I sincerely hope the second time doesn't involve unspeakable things. What was this uke vibe she was going on about? I didn't give off any damn vibes.
As all of this was going on, Hayama came back with Hiratsuka‐sensei in tow. She explained to us the work we were supposed to be doing today.
"I trust you'll get this job done during the orienteering. What you have to do is prepare lunch at the goal point. Set up the table with lunchboxes and drinks. I'll bring them over in the car."
"Can't you give us a lift too?" I asked.
"We don't have that much space. Hurry up and get going. And make sure you get there before the kids."
We really would be in strife if we didn't reach the destination before the children, seeing as we were preparing lunches and all. Quite a number of students had already departed. Better make hay while the sun shines. I wasn't a carpe diem kind of guy but I saw the reasoning. My days seized me not the other way around.
"You're always looking for a shortcut," Yukinoshita said to me. I shot her a look. I didn't hear an insult in that. Was she just taking it easier on me or did I miss something.
"Of course. In mathematics the best tricks are shortcuts. Any time you can make a long proof shorter or a complicated sequence less so you should take it. John Nash came up with a few. So did Euler and Ramanujan."
"Who's Ramanujan Hikki?" Yui asked.
"Ramanujan was an Indian mathematician who wrote a letter on the Riemann Zeta Sequence to G. H. Hardy on January 16 and February 27, 1913, are two of the most famous letters in the history of mathematics. He had crazy intuition. That's probably what he's most famous for. His intuition."
"And you're jealous of that?" Yukinoshita observed.
"I'm not very intuitive. I have to be pretty explicit in my theorems that I'm designing for the sofa couch problem. I can't pull off quick and easy proofs the way Ramanujan could."
"A simple calculator."
"Don't remind me," I muttered. I hunched in on myself as I made my way to the van.
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-WG
