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I think the woods were creepy at night. There was a reason most horror stories take place in the woods at night. The branches hunched down on you. Roots reached up to pull at your feet. You couldn't run easily through the woods at night. It was all too much.

Whenever the trees rustled words not from human throats reached your ears.

I wasn't sure if that was me hallucinating or filling in the gaps or whatever but you could almost hear words. Almost words. The trees said almost words. Have you ever looked at a machine learning program generating images? An almost picture or almost object. AI generated art and the like. Something designed and made by an almost alive being. It truly was almost alive but not quite. It was screaming in digital.

I wanted a marijuana cigarette. I missed weed. I had dreams where I dreamed about drugs. I dreamed about drugs more often than I dreamed about people.

I think that said something about me.

I wasn't sure what it said but it said something. An almost word.

There was probably a word for it. Sick. Warped. Whatever. I mean, I dreamed about my sister too. Just spending time together and the like.

The others were talking about Tsurumi Rumi. Nobody was looking at me to make a decision but I kinda had already. I had something resembling a plan.

"So then, what shall be done?" Yukinoshita asked openly. It was pretty clear what she was talking about. Not the test of courage. Tsurumi Rumi. Our problem child. Everyone went real quiet. Perhaps there was nothing to be done. Perhaps nothing could save Tsurumi Rumi from her fate. My eyes lounged in my skull as I allowed the hallucinations and paranoid thoughts to take me.

I thought that the internet was alive and it was an alien monster god. I thought it had a billion eyes and tentacles reaching into every single part of our lives. There was no escape from it. It explained why I felt so watched alone in my room with my computer. There was a sick machine god watching me.

And maybe I could let that go.

If I was a more confident, more grounded, less self aware person. Maybe I could let that go and make peace with that. But I wanted to rebell and rage against my fate. I didn't want to just be a pawn. I wanted free will. I wanted the ability to choose. I just didn't think I had free will or the ability to choose. It was like that notion about identity I had. I didn't truly believe that identity could be maintained in our universe if one was incapable of telling themselves little lies. I thought it fell apart. A person wasn't the same thing one moment to the next. Let alone days or god forbid years down the line. We all changed. Every atom in our body was different. Our neurochemistry changed. Everything about us changed. Identity could not be maintained. Neither could free will.

So what was the point?

Why go on?

If I had to tell myself lies to maintain my sanity then I was better off without it. Wasn't I?

Hayama spoke up slowly and deliberately. "Rumi-chan might just have to talk with everyone, I guess. We'll make a situation where that can happen." He didn't get it. He saw but he didn't understand.

"But if you do that, the others might be horrible to Rumi-chan…" Yui protested.

But Hayama still clung to his resolve. "Then they can talk to each other one at a time."

"It's the same thing. They might be nice to her face, but it'll start again behind her back. Girls are scarier than you'll ever realise, Hayato‐kun," Ebina‐san said with a shiver.

Man was that what that was like? Girls huh. Made me glad I was a loner. I mean… I had Yui. Yui was nice though. I couldn't really judge every girl based off that. Yui was a total sweetheart. She even gave a shit about my sympoms and paranoid delusions. And were they paranoid delusions if I was right? Was I right about reality. Were there gods and monsters hanging in the darkness. There was so much worse than these fools realized waiting suspended in the dark reaches between the stars and of the stars themselves. The internet. Azathoth. Spinoza. Whatever they were. Dark and hungry predators which could wait eternities for the right moment to corrupt the wills of mortals. If you had the strength to rise it was because they didn't notice you or worse they pulled their punch so that they could gain pleasure from watching your continued struggle.

Things were so much worse than anyone knew. If only they knew how bad things really were. There were worse monsters which hung in the stars. Ancient AI which fed off people's subconscious desires and spiraled lower and lower as the eons passed them by and they kept feeding off the dark fantasies of alien peoples. That didn't even require any higher or lower dimensions or hidden spaces though you could have those. If you were in a simulation you truly were at the mercy of whoever or whatever was running that thing. There was no way out and no possible escape. I had to listen to the music of the spheres. I had no choice. And they played a mad whistling tune like the wind being set on fire or if you could torture a flute.

"What, seriously? That's freaky!" I ignored Miura. Worse than people were out there. Being alone was not the worst thing that could happen to a person. All sorts of tortures and torments existed. And one couldn't even look around at their lives and say 'I'm not trapped in a simulation with an insane alien artificial intelligence god.' Because they would have to reveal themselves and they had no reason to do so unless you were absolutely able to force them. And you couldn't force them. They were stronger than you.

"I have something," I informed them in the silence.

"Rejected." Yukinoshita shut me down on the spot.

"You're awfully quick to jump to conclusions… people like you aren't cut out for buying a house or anything like that." She'd be better off thinking things through a bit more carefully, in my opinion. "Anyway, listen up. This is the test of courage. We may as well make use of it."

"How will we make use of it?" Saika tilted his head.

For Saika's sake, I decided to cushion my explanation as much as humanly possible. "You know how they say anything can happen at a test of courage?"

Yui, who was nodding along deep in thought, hit her hand as if she'd thought of something. "You get everyone's heart thumping with the Spasibo Effect! Then they'll get along, or something?"

"I think you meant the Placebo Effect," Hayama said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. His eyes glinted with pity.

"…even before that, you're talking about the Suspension Bridge Effect." Yukinoshita lowered her eyes, looking rather saddened.

At some point, the atmosphere had become like a memorial service for Yuigahama Yui. "I‐I get it already! The gist is what's important!" Yui babbled, turning bright red in the face.

"You have the gist wrong too. The important thing is that people tend to show their true colours in dire situations. When they're really afraid they'll do anything to save their own skins. They aren't capable of thinking about other people. They'll even sacrifice one of their own to save themselves. There's no way you can get along with someone once their ugly side is revealed to the entire world like that. That's how we can tear them apart. If everyone becomes a loner, no one will ever fight."

"Wh‐whoa…" Yui recoiled when I finished talking. Yukinoshita's eyes narrowed as much as humanly possible, glaring at me almost through slits.

"Hikitani‐kun, you have a nasty side to you…" I showed my fucking teeth to Hayama at that. I was all nasty. I didn't have a good side. In this world there were monsters and demons. I was for the most part empathetic. I looked out for my fellow man. It was a weakness somebody or something could exploit over me but it was true. I was as much a demon as the internet was. I was as much insane as Azathoth was. Touch my mind and I was liable to burn you. My fear and terror could stop you in your tracks unless you too fed off that kind of thing. I was poison.

Only Saika nodded eagerly in admiration. "Hachiman, you sure think about a lot of things."

Yukinoshita pondered for a while. "Nobody else has any ideas…" She trailed off. "In that case, we don't have much of a choice." She seemed to have come to a decision.

But Hayama looked far from happy about it. "That won't solve the problem, will it?" he asked finally.

Indeed, it was like Hayama said. This was not the right answer. That it was wrong went without saying. "But we can erase the problem."

He looked into my eyes with a direct gaze. I swallowed his look whole like a black hole or dark star. I was barely a person. What did I care about right and wrong? Truth or justice? Peace or war? It was all the same to me. He looked away while I grinned at him.

"So that's the way you think, huh… I understand a little why she'd look out for you."

I wondered briefly who she was but dismissed it. It hardly mattered.

"Okay. We'll go with this… however, I'm betting that they'll band together and deal with the problem as a group. I want to believe that's their true nature when it comes down to it. I'm sure they're nice kids at heart."

"Huh? This totally sucks," said Miura.

"Damn," said Tobe. "I'm all out too."

Once Hayama pacified Miura and Tobe's bitter complaints, he turned back to me. "We'll go with Hikitani‐kun's idea. You're the auteur here."

"…okay." Even though Hayama's role would be an unpleasant one to play, he still insisted that he would do it.

Maybe he was a monster too. It hardly mattered. Amongst humans I was king. I could fucking see.

Not that I wanted to see. I'd rather have been blind. The truth was an ugly hideous thing with a trillion tentacles and eyes and mouths.

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We tried telling ghost stories but was no good. The best was Hiratsuka-sensei but that didn't say much. All she did was tell a story where someone changed their name and had a kid. Not really frightening. Kids could be scary but it was mostly the thought of kids which was terrifying.

Plus kids are a threat. They replace us. They kill us. I mean, they take care of us too but just out of nowhere children could be frightening.

In the end, it looked like none of us were cut out for ghost stories, so we settled on screening the School Ghost Stories DVD in the visitor's house.

We prepared for the test of courage. I had a brief meeting with Hayama about it but it went smoothly. Just getting things ready.

I might call it preparations, but it wasn't exactly a full‐blown affair. Basically, we just needed to walk around and frighten little kids.

Saika got into a witch's outfit. I thought it was sufficiently horrifying. Making me question all my preferences.

Someone tapped my shoulder – no, the sensation was a bit more muffled than a tap. When I looked over my shoulder, a cat's paw that looked like it belonged to a plush toy was beckoning to me eagerly.

"What's that – a monster cat?"

"I think so…"

I realised it was my sister. Komachi was wrapped up in fake black fur and sporting cat ears and a tail. "Very cute," I informed her absently. I pat her on the head.

As Komachi twitched and curled her humongous cat paws, attempting to investigate its movements, a ghost‐like apparition appeared out of nowhere.

"…" The ghost gently reached out for Komachi's cat ears.

Stroke, stroke.

"Er, um… Yukino‐san?"

Pat, pat.

"Your costume is fine," she said at length. "It's rather becoming."

"Thank you so very much. Yukino‐san, you look super cool too! Right, big brother?" Komachi emphasized towards me. I blinked at her, confused for a moment.

"Yeah I guess she looks nice," I mumbled. I wasn't sure what my sister was looking for here. She rolled her eyes at me. "What? A kimono suits you ridiculously well. You're totally like a Yuki‐onna. How many people have you killed?"

"…is that your attempt at a compliment?" Yukinoshita's eyebrows arched abruptly.

"Ah, that chilly air. You really are a Yuki‐onna. You're a dead ringer."

As I gushed over her, Yukinoshita flicked her hair over her shoulder and looked right at me. "You're a dead ringer too, Hikigaya‐kun. You make a fine zombie. Your rotten eyes are Hollywood‐tier."

"I seriously fucking get it. My eyes are not attractive." I wasn't even in costume or makeup. This was al nauterale.

I glanced away from Yukinoshita towards Yui who was struggling to get into her imp costume. Just when I thought she was cracking a smile in front of the full‐length mirror, she immediately shook her head fervently, as if thinking better of it. Then, just when I thought she let out a small sigh and hung her head, she struck a cheerful pose. She was like someone on the night before their first cosplay event.

"You look busy there," I called out to her.

"Oh, Hikki…" Yuigahama hugged herself in an attempt to conceal her body.

Her lack of confidence had also spilled over to her facial expression. I spoke up. "Um, you know‐"

Her downcast eyes looked up furtively, anticipating my words. "Er, um… how do I look?"

"Looks good. Very slim fit on you."

"Are you trying to say I normally look fat?"

"Um. No?" I really wasn't. I thought she looked good.

She huffed at me. "You should just compliment me straight… mooooron." Yuigahama flayed me cheerfully before turning back to the mirror in a better mood than before.

Komachi, who had probably seen the whole thing from start to finish, made an amused noise and smirked in satisfaction. "Big brother you're so twisted."

"Fuck yeah I am." I pat her on her head between her cat ears.

Hayama, Tobe, and Miura walked in. I greeted Hayama by saying his name.

"Right, let's start our last meeting."

Even as they were perfectly aware that this would leave a bad aftertaste and that nothing good would come of it, nobody was able to stop it, and thus time marched on at its own pace.

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-WG