A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! Here's another light and humorous chapter that involves the entire family this time. It will take place the morning after the night before.

I was going to originally have this be another video game chapter, but I have another idea since I don't want to use the same idea twice in a row. In fact, we get to see Mike do some actual pseudo-normal parenting! :D

"Your Grammar Sucks" is the brilliant brainchild of Jack Douglass from jacksfilms. Also, DISCLAIMER: this chapter features examples of grammar and spelling so atrocious that you will feel your soul decay to oblivion by the time it's done. Seriously, I think I legitimately lost some brain cells watching these.

Chapter 8 – The Importance of Grammar

Everyone was very satisfied with how the evening had turned out, all things considered. The kids had loved Empire Strikes Back (which Fritz and Liz had watched after the rest) even more than they had A New Hope and Mike had gotten all his "adult paperwork crap" done. After Mike's appointed bedtime had passed, the Marionette had divided the kids into different rooms (Gabe + Jeremy, Susie + Cassidy, Fritz + Liz) before heading off to a music box she had stationed inside the living room (Mike had offered her a bed multiple times throughout the year he had gotten to know her, but she had declined every single time, as the music box was where she was most comfortable). None of the ghost kids had disturbed Mike during the night, which Mike took as a good sign since that probably meant none of them, not even Elizabeth, had any nightmares.

"I should be calling her Liz now," he reminded himself as he groggily climbed down the stairs to the kitchen. He generally woke around 8 AM and always got himself ready for the day with some good ol' fashioned coffee. As he began stirring, he heard Pop Goes the Weasel go off in the living room and he smiled dryly. The song had once meant certain death for any Night Guard who had failed to keep her at bay, yet now it was part of his morning routine.

"How're you doing, Mary?" he mumbled as he drank some coffee.

"Great," she replied as she floated in. "I'm pretty happy, especially with how well things turned out yesterday."

"Yeah, Fritz was definitely the MVP of the night," he agreed, then groaned. "I had two dreams, one of them was about my old shift at Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria." The good humor in Mary's eyes faded as she looked at him in concern. "Guess which one was the nightmare?"

"The Pizzeria…" she whispered. To her surprise, Mike laughed.

"You'd think that, but nope, you're completely wrong," he replied. "Freddy's was the boring one. Instead, I got buried alive under a mountain of bills and tax forms. I can take on God-knows-how-many Nights at Freddy's, but the IRS? That's REAL terror right there."

Mary rolled the balls of light that constituted for eyes as Mike drank his coffee. "For what I have planned today I'm gonna need every drop," he muttered.

"What are you planning to do?" Mary asked.

"A lot," was Mike's only reply as the other ghosts slowly meandered drowsily into the kitchen. Mike and Mary both immediately noticed that, despite her tired state, Liz looked significantly happier or at least less depressed than she had been yesterday.

"Morning," Gabe greeted them, and the rest of the ghosts gave some variation of a hello. "What are we doing today?"

Mike raised an eyebrow. "You guys get tired? I thought ghosts didn't get tired."

Jeremy shook his head. "We're human in origin, so we still need rest. Otherwise we'd have gone even more insane than what we already were. Back in the pizzeria, we usually quote-on-quote slept in the animatronics during the day."

"Huh." Guess you learned something new every day.

"What are we going to do today, dad?" Cassidy asked.

"Well, we're going to have a lot of fun today," Mike replied, and the ghost children grinned at the news. "But before we do, I need to talk to you about something important." He leaned onto the table and stared straight at the ghosts, "and that's your education."

All the ghosts instantly groaned. "Uh, Mike?" Fritz mumbled. "I know that you're our dad and all, but do we REALLY have to?"

Mike smirked. "You didn't let me finish. I was about to say that, for the most part, you don't need an education. You obviously can't go to school, and the whole point of an education is to prepare you for life in the real world. You're dead, so that's pretty much irrelevant. If you want me to teach you something cause you're interested about it, go right ahead and ask, but you don't have to worry about being bored to death through studying and whatever."

The ghosts started to cheer, but Mike raised his hand up to silence them. "However, there is ONE topic that I insist that you learn. It's one of the few things that can and will still help you, and I'm not negotiating on this one."

Gabe thought for a moment. "I mean, if it's just one topic, I guess that's fine…" he conceded. "But which topic are you talking about?"

Mike had already opened his laptop and started typing in things. "Spelling and grammar," he answered succinctly as he took out several sheets of paper.

"Why grammar of all things?" Liz asked.

"I could go on into a long and detailed spiel about how grammar is critically important for understanding and communicating with the English language, or any language for that matter," Mike replied. "But that will start putting me to sleep, not to mention you guys. So I'm going to go with the answer that people will actually care out…" he spun the laptop around, revealing a Youtube video, "…and that's so that you don't sound like a fucking moron."

The ghosts crowded around the laptop. "Who's Jacksfilms?" Susie asked.

"The guy's Jack Douglass and he's a really famous Youtuber. One of his projects is compiling comments with bad grammar from all over the Internet and showing just why bad grammar and spelling is fucking unacceptable," Mike responded. "And trust me, you're about to see why."

"Can't be that bad," Jeremy said confidently.

The video started, and…

"hes back halalugieugh"

The ghosts all stared at the screen blankly, then looked at each other in utter horror. "Oh, God…" Jeremy murmured.

"What was that word supposed to be?" Cassidy asked, not sure she wanted to know the answer. In response, Mike wordlessly wrote something on one sheet and passed it across the table. "Hallelujah."

"This is going to suck, isn't it?" Susie asked glumly.

"Yes, it is," Mike blithely replied as he continued the video.

"Ider you're a genius or very very boerd."

"This give me think how short life is, lol"

"This is hilariouse, your halaries, Still hallaries."

"Please tell me that word isn't what I think it is," Liz begged, and she groaned when Mike confirmed that it was indeed meant to be 'hilarious.' "There's nothing hilarious about this," she muttered.

"Oh, I don't know," Mike shrugged. "I personally tend to get amused by idiocy when I don't get pissed or lose my faith in humanity because of it."

"Happy birthday to my favor nice I hope you hey if nice day"

"I have now seen your True colours…Its they aint no Rainbow."

"Yo mam so ugly shes the reason why that the dinosaurs"

"What the fuck are you trying to say?" Fritz growled. "That's not even a complete sentence!"

"Only because there plenty of fishs in the doesn't mean on of them is for you"

"Far cry 4 Is shoted in india so it eill be gona awesome"

"I'm a one d fan so bart ur going to pay hard I'm dislikeing all of ur videos hater u just jeslouse"

"I Got A Concouciom"

"Wat da fu dickshionnaire"

Cassidy buried her head in her hands as Mike wrote the correct words out (jealous, concussion, dictionary). "How do you screw up a word's spelling THAT BADLY?" she exclaimed. "I didn't have any real grammar classes before I died and even I know that's wrong!"

"U fuking diptad i hape u dies in fires"

"My eyes would be bleeding right now if they could," Gabe muttered. "There can't be anything worse than this."

"Dammit, nOt the riqht sOnqq im LOOkinq fOr buhh iht stil qO"

"Nope, never mind, the bottom of the barrel doesn't exist," the former Freddy inhabitant corrected with a groan.

"Have you ever fell like your life is over. But it really just starting ya you will be mad or upset but thats life. Life is the hardist shit you will have to go throw but thats like get over it but im just ponting it out. Fuck the police and every butty elts."

"I don't know what's worse," Susie dryly commented. "All of the bad spellings or that random part at the end that makes no goddamn sense. And that spelling of everybody else…I've seen six year-olds way smarter than that! One example being present company."

Cassidy smiled up at her. "Thanks, Sus."

"There can't be anything worse than that…right?" Fritz asked. The moment he asked the question, Jeremy and Gabe both groaned.

"Fritz…we've been through enough shit to know that you should never, ever ask that question," Jeremy scowled.

"Gonna have to agree with that one," Mike agreed as he clicked on another long video. "This next one's even worse. Or better, if you find this funny."

"I also saw was your mom"

"You pewds…gonna be always gotta awesome"

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss the fucking pizzeria," Fritz muttered under his breath.

"Heavy money is the back of hungry"

"I m not like other, because when they thinking they do but when i m thinking i m not do i m think n think and than start doing..."

"This film makes me want am kids learn more England! Think about THAT!"

"And this sentence makes me want to die again," Susie snapped. "Just like everything else in these videos."

"Kuinsadins"

"WELL THE ANGELS WHERE SERTINAULLY CRYING TODAY"

"With Great power comes great respinsinlity" – Stan Lee

"Can't wait to cut the andbuildadacord when my daughter is born"

"It was so bad that it was akushualy pretty good"

"Ugh my dad loves holopeniouse"

"Im am now afisholoy afraid of my favorite food CHOCOLATE!...Dalphinatly one of my favs"

Mike wordlessly wrote down the correct spellings of each word (certainly, responsibility, umbilical cord, actually, jalapenos, officially, definitely) and passed it to the children. "I can actually feel my intelligence rotting from my brain when I read this," Liz threw her hands up in the air. "Seriously, just…how?"

"Guess he didn't was so toasted after all"

"One D is awome and amazin evan if Zayn leaved! If u dont agre u r sucks"

"Tis not cry, its chas, chap, chat, chaf, chad"

"You had…five tries…" Gabe ground out through his teeth. "Five…fucking…tries. And not a SINGLE one of them made ANY FUCKING SENSE!" he exploded at the last three words. Mike raised an eyebrow. If Gabe was the one cursing up a storm, then things really and truly had gone to shit.

"Row-says are red, Voilets are blue, Day-cease are yello, Grass is gren…Merry Christmas!" Jack suddenly exclaimed as the comment flew away to oblivion.

"Yeah man, I'd stop giving a shit too if I was in your shoes," Jeremy nodded sagely.

"There are many traditions of turkey. one of them is hospitality."

"Oh, thank God," Liz breathed an audible sigh of relief. "Finally, a comment that's relatively normal if you ignore the capital letter mistakes."

"guest for before he gets cleaned house when it comes to the person the most beautiful place to stay are done eating slippers are the most beautiful way entertained attempted if the turkey if you come to make sure you make the most accomodating our best will do 😊"

Liz buried her face in her hands. "I don't have anyone but myself to blame for expecting anything positive to come out of this gigantic pile of grammatical crap," she moaned.

"Well, to be fair," Gabe had calmed down by this point, "this person's first language might not be English since they're talking about Turkey. If that's the case this is more forgivable than at least half the garbage we've seen so far."

"That's fair enough," Liz conceded.

"bOrN 2 PleeZ, bUt TaUgHt 2 TeAsE^XoXo"

"Why u del3t ze vidz, when zers ze probl3msz..and zen uploadzz et anywerrrs?"

Mike paused the video. "Speaking of garbage, if any of you ever write a sentence like that on Youtube or any other website, I'm going to revoke your Internet privileges because that is an abomination to nature and a complete fucking disgrace," he warned.

"You don't have to worry about a thing, Mike. I think it would take more work to mutilate a sentence like that instead of just writing it correctly," Jeremy deadpanned. "Are there any other eyesores we need to see?"

Mike grinned sinisterly, and all of the ghosts shuddered. "Just one more, I think, will be enough…" he answered smoothly as he revealed the last one.

"tH1$ CapTa1nn KeyV1nn RAY cHECKL1nn OUT in 1982 for JuUuJU j0dYcottonPICKING ann THING cuz U ALL SUXkKk and don't KNOW itt…! fuKEa$Ther 1982 that the EAR we all went FAR OFF j0dy and PUBureTTy HITTING TOWN sisiTAH duH coke and A WH1Le iMMa 75 itt uP duH right WAY long SIDE on CHRIS IS AN ASS ask her EVE 1984 for J)HO CB butterfly making babYes and KILLING THEM…nice TO FINALLY BE HERDededer Trent SAY he is 4RANT now FUK RENT and STuPeR BOWL wisHpA"

All of the ghosts stared in horrified fascination at the comment. "Nope!" Gabe finally exclaimed. "Fuck this! I'm getting the fuck out of here before this comment destroys my brain!"

"Right behind you!" Susie added.

"I think it's too late for poor Jack," Liz pointed at the video. They all watched as Jack proceeded to go absolutely insane and attack the comment frenziedly with an entire barn's worth of eggs, destroying most of his kitchen and a cupboard in the process. It was equal parts disturbing and hilarious, and the ghosts didn't know whether to laugh or run.

"A moment of silence for the sanity of Jack and the entire universe," Jeremy bowed his head in respect, and the rest of the kids followed suit. After a few seconds later, Mike X'd out the video.

"So…does anybody still have any questions about why I want you guys to learn good spelling and grammar?" Mike asked cheerfully. The Marionette, who had been watching silently the entire time, simply facepalmed.

There was another moment of silence. Then… "When do we start?" Fritz asked weakly.

/

These comments managed to break Fritz. Yeeesh. And no, I didn't make up any of these. All of them are from the actual jacksfilms YGS series, which means that yes, all of these utterly atrocious grammar and spelling errors were typed by people who actually thought this was okay. Seriously, elementary school kids have better grammar than this garbage! And before you ask, yes, I actually looked up that last comment on YGS 100 and typed it out word for word. You're welcome.

I need to drown my brain in bleach after seeing these Youtube comments. If you ever want to show your kid why good grammar and spelling matters, show them this clusterfuck.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed! Next up will be topics that hopefully won't rot everyone's brains the wrong way. Instead, we'll rot them the right way…with video games!