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I liked ramen. I lived off ramen and eggs. Eggs in the ramen. Ramen in the eggs. I lived off that shit. But to all you who go to ramen shops on a date… fuck you guys. Yall can go fuck yourselves. I wasn't about that life and neither should you. Taking your sweet time at the counter. You realize people are waiting on you, right? Go to starbucks since you love that shit so much. Fuck you.
As so hap[pens at summer, I woke up at an awkward time and missed a meal. It happens. No biggie. But in all seriousness fuck you guys who go on dates to ramen shops. I'm eating here. You chat and the noodles get soggy. What's that about? I hate you.
So I decided to go searching for ramen shops in my neighborhood. Not too far from home. Walking distance. The works.
I seriously hate you.
Roasting in the rays of the summer sun, I steadily walked along. The humidity and heat were grating on my nerves but then a clear sound rang through the area to dispel my irritation.; It was the sonorous ding-dong, ding-dong of a church bell.
But wait, what was that? Out of the corner of my eye I noticed something like a black stain… I rubbed my eye vigorously and gave the area a hard look. It was a wedding destination. Hotels and venues and the like. Not my scene. But this black spot, like a black hole, wide and devouring seemed to draw my eye.
I recognized it.
I looked away.
It was no use.
"I hope you get married soon, too."
"It'll be your turn next, Shizu!"
"Shizu, Aunt, I found another good one! I think it'll go well this time. Why don't you try meeting him, Shizu?"
"I've started saving for grandchildren, Shizu."
The black hole twitched and swayed. It spotted me. There was nothing I could do.
"H-Hikigaya!"
It was my turn to twitch. I bowed deeply. The nearby middle aged couple bowed back and peered in my direction.
Oh fuck. I can't believe you've done this.
"Th-that over there is one of my problem kids! Th-this is work! J-just so you know!" Heels clicked on the sidewalk. "Hikigaya! Perfect timing! What a relief!"
She took me by the hand. I flinched out of her grasp. Her texture was that of a hallucination.
"Ah fuck sensei."
"Swearing!"
"Don't put that evil on me," I protested. I leaned in. "Need a hand?"
She blushed. "Shut up and follow me."
"Sensei…"
What could I do? When a beautiful woman took you by the hand to guide you what could you do?
"Face your fucking family," I demanded.
"Don't put that evil on me," she protested half begging.
"Fine." I didn't exactly face my own family for my own issues. I couldn't put that on her.
"Cigarette?" She offered.
"Sure." I wasn't high or anything. I took the smoke from her and she lit it for me at the same time she lit her own. We both breathed and visibly relaxed. She took my hand again. This time I didn't resist. She dragged me around a corner. We were already out of sight of her relatives.
"I managed to get away for now," she managed. Her black party dress hugged the smooth curves and contours of her body and a fur collar brilliantly decorated the white nape of her neck.
"Weddings, eh?" I tried.
"Shut up."
"Okay," I agreed. "But seriously. Weddings?"
"Shut up." I took a long drag on my smoke and killed it. She crushed her own.
"It's your own fault you know," I breezed.
"What do you mean?"
"You're intimidating," I answered.
"Why are you out on the town, Hikigaya?"
"Ramen. Wanna grab a bite?"
"Ramen? Do people do that?"
"I do," I answered. "I can't really speak to the general populace."
"I'll come with," she decided.
"Um isn't that a wedding?" I wondered.
"Yes? And? I already gave my gift."
"Not that. Isn't there an after party to meet men and hang out?"
"It's my cousin's wedding so it isn't like I'm a guest. It would just be me with my parents who rag on me about getting one of my own. Spending money and time on a wedding just for your family to berate you isn't worth it."
"Fine. It's this way, come on." I led.
Her heels clicked and clacked against the cement. Seriously, she's dressed way too well for this.
"I heard you were advising a future student. I was impressed to hear you were continuing your service club activities. Very impressed."
"It wasn't like that. And how did you know about that?"
"Your sister told me," she answered.
"Since when were you two best friends?" I wondered.
"She's a good sister. I wish I had a little sister like that. Oh, I didn't mean to imply anything by that, by the way."
"Considering the age gap between you two she could be your daughter," I cackled.
"Hikigaya…" I braced myself for her to hit me in that way she did. When I looked at her I witnessed a dejected looking sensei. "Jokes like that are too much right now."
"Sorry, sorry."
Seriously, someone needs to marry this woman. I'd do it myself if I were older and bolder. But I'm not, so I can't.
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I glanced around at the crowd and line outside the ramen shop. I sighed a little. Crowds were crowds were crowds. At least lines had some order to them. A low chuckle came from my left.
"What?" I wondered at Hiratsuka sensei.
"Nothing. I just expected you to hate crowds."
"I do hate crowds. Maybe we should try a different shop."
"At least we know this place is popular."
"I suppose," I decided.
"You're more fastidious than I imagined," Hiratsuka sensei commented with surprise.
"Not really. I'm not good at cleaning up and stuff. You should see my room." My room was a mess even leaving aside the drugs hidden under the carpet.
"I'm not talking about cleanliness or hygiene," she said. "I'm talking about your ideals. Though ultimately they all revolve around you."
"That's just a technical way of saying I'm a selfish, egocentric bastard."
"It is a compliment. Cultivating a proper internal standard of judgment is a good thing."
"I just hate rowdy people," I dismissed.
"I guess you won't be able to go to the fireworks show, then," Miss Hiratsuka interpreted.
"Fireworks?"
"Yeah. You know the one I mean, right? At the port tower. You're not going?" She asked.
I'd gone before while I was a kid. I didn't care much for the light show. I was more in the food stalls. "I don't have any particular plans to go," I answered. "Are you going, though?"
She breathed a long sigh. "It's part of the john during summer vacation. It's more like I'm going there to watch people. Not fireworks."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm being sent to keep an eye on the students," she responded. "I do it for festivals too. They always make the young teachers handle that sort of legwork. Well, they got me there! Hahahaha! You know, because I'm a young teacher."
"Don't work yourself up now," I cut in but she didn't hear it.
"We can't have any of our students getting out of control. It's a municipal event so a lot of bigwigs attend."
"Oh? Bigwigs?"
"Yes. Yukinoshita's family will probably be there."
"Speaking of which," I started, "was Haruno your student?"
"Hmm? Oh yeah. You guys entered just as she left, huh? She's a Soubu High School alum. I'm impressed you remembered."
"Her grades were top notch, generally speaking and she excelled at everything she tried. And with those looks most of the boys treated her like a goddess. But… she was not a model student."
"She got good grades didn't she?"
"You get good grades. You know it takes more than that. She was loud in class and she would hike up her skirt and unbutton the topo of her blouse. And I'd always see her at fireworks shows and festivals. Like I mentioned. She was always running from place to place looking for fun. Which means she had lots of friends. But even that was…"
"That was a mask too," I finished.
"Oh so you noticed." Hiratsuka sensei was impressed. Or rather, she was smirking like she was sharing a naughty secret.
"You can tell just by looking at her."
"You're quite insightful. That facade is part of her appeal, though. People who figure out that it's a mask start to like her schemes and stubbornness."
"So she's got charisma," I interpreted. "For sisters those two really are different."
"Yeah. But I'm not saying she should be like Haruno. She just needs to develop her own fortes."
"Fortes?"
"I said it before, didn't I? That she's kind and generally in the right."
I thought for a moment about Hiratsuka sensei's appraisal of Yukinoshita. It would be hard and she would struggle in our cruel world. Just because she wasn't gentle doesn't make her unkind. She was like a razor. Sharp enough to shave with.
"You're the same," Hiratsuka sensei smirked.
"The same as what?" I wondered.
"You're also kind and accurate with your judgments. Those qualities in you tend to clash with hers though."
I hissed as though the comparison burned me. "I'm not nice."
"You never lie. Just because you're brutal doesn't make you unkind."
The line moved forward. Hirztsuka pushed the tonkotsu button with zero hesitation. Then she turned to me with her wallet out.
"What do you want?" She asked.
"No.; I'll pay for myself."
"No need to be polite."
"I'm not trying to be polite. There's just no reason for you to treat me."
I walked up and pressed the tonkotsu button. Then I sat at the counter with Hiratsuka sensei.
"I'll take it semiraw," she said to the waitstaff.
"I'll take mine extrafirm." I followed suit.
The boil time for both our noodles was quite short so the ramen came out right away. Hiratsuka sensei took a set of disposable chopsticks and put her hands together.
"Thanks for the food," She praised,
I echoed her.
"So I'm intimidating?" She must have been waiting to ask for a while.
"You care a lot, you're pretty, and you're smart."
"So intimidating?"
"Yeah man," I answered. "I'm attracted to those things. And power. But not everyone is. And I get that. But you're my teacher so I don't think it's appropriate for me to talk to you about these things."
"But intimidating?"
"Yeah. Most guys, most people, even, want to be in control. And you subvert that."
"But not you?"
"I like power," I shrugged. "You're my sensei and you're smart and pretty. Why do you think I'm attracted to Yukinoshita?"
"You're attracted to Yukinoshita?"
"Please," I dismissed. "I'm attracted to you. Why do you think that is?" I croaked.
"You are?"
"Yeah man. But I get why some people aren't attracted to power. You seriously didn't know I am attracted to Yukinoshita?"
"No," she shook her head.
"I thought it was obvious," I managed.
"Not with you. You keep your cards close to your chest. I thought you were attracted to Yuigahama."
"I am," I agreed.
"You're attracted to both of them?"
"Sure am. And you, of course." And Saika but that was confusing and deeply personal. "I can admit it openly since I know I'll never make a move and they won't either."
I stared down at my food. First, the broth. The film of the oil floating on the surface was smooth like white porcelain. You could see the creaminess. The seasonings canceled out the stink of the thick rich broth that defined tonkotsu. Next the noodles. As thick as the soup was, the noodles were thin and straight. The slightly firm texture gave each bite good balance.
"Why wouldn't you make a move?" She wondered at me.
"I'm a schizoaffective loser who is going to kill himself. They don't need that pressure. Plus they would definitely shoot me down. And I'd deserve it."
"Would they?" Hiratsuka pressed.
"Yes. Girls don't want anything to do with me and for good reason. I'm a bit of a creep." She said all I'd ever be was a creep, little creepy.
"What if they do?"
"Well…." I hesitated. "It doesn't matter. I'd never make a move. They'd never make a move. We'd pass each other. It isn't a big deal."
"You're so unbelievably negative."
"Blame my experience with women."
"What girls did things go wrong for you with?"
"Middle school. Elementary school." I took a bite of noodles. "Yeah this is good." I slurped some down. The mushrooms and green onions were a beautiful complement with the texture of a flounder dancing on your tongue.
Hiratsuka sensei ordered some more noodles. "About we discussed earlier…"
"Yeah?" I pressed.
"About how you're fastidious. Eventually I think a time will come when you'll be more tolerant.:
"Uh-huh," I went noncommittal.
"It's just like romen." Hiratsuka sensei proudly showed off her completed Shizuka special and continued. "When I was younger I thought tonkotsu was the ultimate. Fat was true flavor and I wouldn't accept anything but rich soup. But then you grow and you learn how to tolerate light salt and soy sauce broths."
"Sounds like you got old."
"Did you say something?" She glowered at me.
"I mean…"
She smiled. She caught me off guard with that. "Well whatever. You don't have to tolerate those things right now. If you can one day, that's enough."
"I can barely tolerate living. Being alive feels wrong. This thing when I'm awake and conscious is bad. I don't like it and I don't see that changing."
"Maybe you never wake up one day. Not to say you'll be able to tolerate everything. I hate tomatoes so I still can't stand tomato noodles."
"Is that right?"
"Yeah, I can't stand how squishy they are and they kinda taste like grass."
"You might be a little autistic."
"How so?" She demanded.
"Texture and flavor aversions. It's a thing."
"I hate cucumbers for a similar reason," she added.
"I'm not so found of them either."
"They're good as pickl;es though," Hiratsuka sensei noted.
"Yeah I could go for some. They're refreshing as pickles."
The silence stretched for a moment. I watched Hiratsuka sensei panic a little. "Oh right, p-pickles. Mm-hmm. M-me too. I…. l-love them."
"When there's silence it isn't your fault you know," I cut in. "Besides, quit stuttering like that. I'll think you're adorable."
"I'm not adorable. I'm a grown woman! I-I'm supposed to be sexy!"
"And I'm supposed to be sane. We take what we can get out here."
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-WG
