We've been writing quite a bit recently, haven't we?

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(Yuigahama PoV)

Hikki and I walked together out of the club room.

"It's like! It's like! It's like really!" I couldn't get the words out.

"Hey, wait up, calm down," Hikki encouraged. I slowed my pace. He was behind me. I was bouncing, my heart was hammering away in my chest.

"What?" I demanded.

"What's with you so suddenly?" He pressed. He looked a touch concerned. I ignored that.

"I don't know! It's just like… Uuurgh." I stomped my feet against the linoleum in frustration.

"It's like… it's different how it usually is…I mean, the usual Yukinon, isn't like that at all."

"Well, I guess so…"

"Hikki too."

"What was out of character for me?" He wondered.

"Well nothing I guess. And also… Hey I want to talk about something unpleasant, do you mind?"

He gave me a look of pure Hikki confusion. "Huh?"

"…You won't hate me, right?"

"Can't promise you that," he muttered. "It all depends."

"Eh, what to do…" I whispered.

"…Haa, it's fine. I've already come this far hating most people, so one thing here and there won't make me hate you so easily."

"Your reason's kind of sad…"

"But in character. No?"

"No. Yeah. No," I agreed.

"Whatever, it's fine. So, what's this unpleasant talk about?" He urged me on.

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth. "Right… Um, you see, I'm not very good, with Sagamin."

"Really. So, what's the unpleasant talk about?"

"Th-That was the unpleasant talk just now…"

"Haa?" He hesitated. "Eh, what? So what's unpleasant about it?"

"Um, you know, like how you can't get along with people, or how there are problems between girls, I don't think those things are very good…" I murmured. "…I didn't want to show you this nasty side of me too."

"Don't be dumb," he encouraged unhelpfully. "It's not like I'm any good with her either."

"Uh huh, I guess it's a little different. It's not so much that I'm not good with her, but I think, I don't like Sagamin very much. But we're still friends, so."

"R-Right… So you still think you're friends, huh …?"

"Uh huh, for the most part, that's my intention. But I think she might not feel the same way. It feels like she hates me."

"Yeah, probably. Just looking is enough to tell." He noticed? What?

"…Eh, y-you were looking?"

"Stop, just kidding, I wasn't looking. I wasn't looking at anything at all. It just kind of came to me."

"Well, it's not like, looking, is a bad thing or anything…I was in the same class as Sagamin during our first year, see."

"Huh, did you guys get along?"

"Well, for the most part."

"…So you didn't get along then."

"Hey, where did you get that from!?"

"Then, you got along?"

"Uh huh, pretty much."

"In other words, you weren't getting along."

I sighed heavily. How to explain it to Hikki…? "…Gosh whatever, that's good enough." I settled. "That time, see, Sagamin and I were in a group that stood out a lot. And like, Sagamin looked pretty proud about it too."

"That's why, I don't really like what Sagami's doing… Also, how Yukinon is listening to her request, and how Sagami is trying to get along with her…" I tilted my head and gave a small nod. "…Actually, I think I might like Yukinon a lot more than I thought."

"You mean besides how you were attracted to her," he clarified.

"I thought you wouldn't bring that up!" I exclaimed.

"What the hell? We're alone."

"Oh. I guess that's true. And I think that's right. You're right. It's different. "I sighed again. "Girls are a real pain, see. There's so much to deal with."

"Hey, hey, guys are on the same boat. We have things like little cliques where we get along with each other too. Girls aren't the only special ones around here."

"Really?"

"Pretty much."

"Oh, I see… People are a real pain, huh? Hahaha," I tried to laugh it off. "Promise me," I whispered. I started and stopped. I glanced at him. "Promise me you'lll help Yukinon whenever she';s in trouble."

"Sure. For now. Not forever."

"Okay. That's a relief then," I relaxed a little. "Oh!" I exclaimed loudly. He gave a little start. "We made brownies. I saved you some."

"Oh?" He wondered. "You and Yukinoshita?" He asked.

I nodded. "Un. Let's see…" I opened my bag. I let out a little whine. "I left them at home. Sorry."

He laughed. "No big deal." He gave me that warm smile he sometimes granted me when I did something clumsy. It was a good smile. It reached his eyes.

"Uh…" I hesitated. I couldn't let him distract me with that. "Yukinon and I made them after… after…"

"After what?" He wondered curiously.

"After you cut," I whispered. "After you hurt yourself."

He sighed. He looked away from me. "Sorry," he wrestled. "I'm trying to be better," he managed to get the words out.

"It's okay. If you feel like you need it then you feel like you need it," I kept my voice low. "Yukinon called me afterwards. I went over to her place. That's when we baked."

"I see," he had a thousand yard stare. His little smile was gone. His face was schooled neutral. He considered it for a moment. He opened and closed his mouth. He worked his jaw. I just waited and listened. The wind blew. He was quiet. "I'm surrounded by monsters wearing peoples' faces. I feel alone. It's like everyone got a book on how to know the world that I never got. It's just denied me. I don't know if my little sister is real or if she's just an automaton responding to the world with her own nature. I don't know if you and Yukinoshita are real. I don't know if Saika is real. I feel…" His voice rose and fell into a whisper. "I feel alone. It's like I'm locked in a cage with a tiger. And it's going to wake up hungry."

"You aren't alone. How can I convince you that you aren't alone?"

"You can't. We call that solipsism. I wrestle with it. I am operating under so many delusions I don't know anything about anything."

"But you're so smart! What about math?!"

"Well there's Godel's incompleteness theorem. True conjectures exist in mathematics which are unprovable. No system of logic can be self consistent and self reinforcing."

"So what's that mean?" I wondered.

"It means it's all so pointless," he sounded despairing. "I'm so pointless."

"Not to me," I vowed. "Not to me."

He smiled at me but it didn't reach his eyes. "Thanks. Come on. We have class and committees to go to."

I dropped it.

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-WG