Whew that's the end of arc five. It was a long ass arc.

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After I cornered Sagami and Hayato slammed me into a wall, everything went swimmingly. I got to see the girls perform. I got called out in my class, no big deal on that front.

"Are you okay with this?" My answer to the question presented to me from behind was already set in stone.

"Yeah, this is fine."

"I see…"

You can't clear misunderstandings. But what you can do is ask something new. The question she posed to me and the answer I gave may not have been the correct one, but it was an answer I was fond of. That's why this is fine. I slowed my walking feet.

The gymnasium that was mostly devoid of people made the unchanging gait from behind me distinct. Coming up to my side and walking with me was Yukinoshita Yukino.

"…You really do try to save everyone, don't you?"

"Say what?" I asked her back, not understanding what she was getting at.

"Normally, Sagami-san shouldn't have been forgiven for abandoning her responsibilities and running away. However, when she returned here, it was as if she was like a victim from whatever crude words you had told her. She even had Hayama and her two friends as her witnesses. She was a perfect victim."

"You're reading into it too much. I didn't think that far ahead."

"Really? But results are results, and that's what it came down to. That's why I believe it's fine to say that you saved her."

No, that was wrong. It wasn't an act worthy of that kind of commendation. It wasn't an act deserving of acknowledgment or praise, but an act that should be denounced and blamed. Once we made it to the exit of the gymnasium, I was finally able to give her an adequate response.

"Well, let's say that's true. But the only reason it worked out was because Hayama was there. So you can't exactly say it was thanks to me, right?" I answered.

Yukinoshita went quiet, looking slightly sullen.

"Oh, there you go again with the modesty." It was a voice that resembled Yukinoshita's. I looked at her and she shook her head indicating she hadn't said anything. I only realized moments after who it was from.

"…Nee-san, you're still here? Why don't you hurry up and go home?" Appearing from near the door of the gymnasium was Yukinoshita Haruno and Hiratsuka-sensei. Hiratsuka-sensei and Haruno-san were standing, the former with a cigarette in hand while the was ready to head home after getting changed. Haruno-san tapped my shoulders.

"Gosh, you're just awesome, Hikigaya-kun. I heard about what happened from everyone, you know. That heroism of yours really gets me going. It actually might be kind of a waste on Yukino-chan."

I flinched as though struck in the mouth with a goddamn tree branch.

"The only wasteful thing around here is the time spent talking with you, nee-san. Hurry up and go home," said Yukinoshita, making light of her. Haruno-san exaggerated a hurt expression.

"You're so cold, Yukino-chan… Aren't we, like, total buddybuddy after playing in the same band? Buddy-buddy sisters, even?"

Yukinoshita lifted her eyebrows as if that set her off. "You're one to talk. Who's the one that went off on a tangent during the performance? And who do you think was the one that had to follow with that?"

"Oh c'mon, what's the problem? It got everyone excited and all. Isn't that right, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Well, sure, things did get pretty crazy in there," I said. Yukinoshita then blinked her eyes two to three times.

"…You were watching?" It looked like she didn't think I would be there. But I couldn't blame her for noticing me since I had gotten back at the very last minute. She was on the stage too, so obviously, she couldn't see me.

"Only the end… Well, what can I say? It was pretty darn good. After watching, I, uh, was really impressed."

I'm sure there were a ton of more words I could have picked to compliment her, but unable to find a good way to tell her, I could only manage a fragmented and crude impression. Yukinoshita abruptly looked away in response to my vague reply.

"T…Than—That performance was far from perfect. It's not like I made any mistakes or anything, but more importantly, it was a complete mess. It's only because the audience was so excited that we managed to smooth it over, but in a more controlled situation, I'm sure it wouldn't be worth listening to, and also, the biggest fundamental problem was our lack of practice, and another cause was that not every member was in complete sync, but still, as I was the person in charge of the main melody, I wasn't able to lead the entire song all the way, and as a result…"

"Wooow, just look how embarrassed you are. You're so cute, Yukino-chan," said Haruno-san, interjecting. Yukinoshita cleared her throat and then glared at her.

"…Nee-san, why don't you hurry up and go home?"

"Okay, okay. I will, I will. I'll see you later then. I had a blast. I bet mom's going to be really surprised after hearing about today… right?"

That smile, as if testing her, caused Yukinoshita's expression to stiffen. After making sure of that, Haruno-san turned her back and walked off. I don't know what crossed Yukinoshita's mind when Haruno-san left with those words. The circumstances involving those two were still a mystery to me even now.

When the distance grew between Yukinoshita and Haruno-san, Hiratsuka-sensei folded her sleeve back and checked her wristwatch. "It's almost time for the homeroom of the day. Hurry and return to your classes."

"I understand. I will see you later then." Yukinoshita's stiffness dissolved and she answered. After she gave a simple regards to Hiratsuka-sensei, she began walking. I followed after her.

"Okay, I'll be taking my leave too."

"Hikigaya…" Her voice that called me to a stop was heavy. When I turned around, Hiratsuka-sensei had a stumped smile. "How should I say this…? The slogan was one thing and Sagami was another, but I really think you contributed quite a bit to the end result. You caused the Planning Committee to start acting, and you also managed a scapegoat for Sagami." She interrupted her words there. That period was, mostly like, to prepare for something. Not for herself, but for me. "But I honestly can't praise you." Hiratsuka-sensei extended her hand to my cheeks. They gently supported me, not allowing me to avert my eyes. "Hikigaya. Helping others isn't a good reason to hurt yourself." The indistinct smell of tobacco and the contradicting softness of her fingertips. Her eyes tinged with moisture were as if they could see right through my heart.

"What is pain?" I made my voice sound deadpan curious. "I have no context for this thing you are describing except for pleasure but they are too different for us to be talking about the same thing."

"You know what pain is Hikigaya."

"I honestly do not. I know what confusion and boredom and curiosity are. I don't know what pain is in this context. Am I supposed to feel bad? You tell me, sensei, and don't be misleading."

"You undermined yourself."

"Did I really? I suggested that Yukinoshita go ahead and do the cultural announcements. I gave them all every opportunity to avoid this outcome. They chose this. Not me. God chose this. Not me. And only god can judge me. Only everyone can judge me."

"God is everyone?"

"God has nothing to make you out of save his own flesh. I see a god with many tentacles and billions of eyes and mouths. I am surrounded by it. It's everywhere."

"So I'm supposed to be content in the knowledge you did the right thing?"

"Judge me and judge me harshly sensei."

"Helping others is not a good excuse to hurt yourself. Pleasure is not a good excuse to hurt yourself. There is no good excuse for hurting yourself."

"I didn't. Or at least I haven't been hurting myself. Not for a bit now. I'm in no agony. You can rest easy sensei."

"I really can't."

"And who's fault is that?" I demanded. "We're all in hell. It is a hell of our own creation. One for each of us. It's no more or less than we all deserve."

"You could choose to make it heaven, then. The human mind is a powerful thing. That's the end of your lecture. Hurry on now."

"Yes, sensei."

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The classroom was noisy with the lingering enthusiasm of the Cultural Festival.

The homeroom of the day was just a simple formality so once the class officer wrapped it up with a meddlesome speech, the conversations shifted to the celebration party afterwards. In which case, that had nothing to do with me. Heck, there was even a speechless pressure that told me that I didn't need to come.

I hurried and got ready to go home since it would have been painful refusing an invitation that was extended to me out of consideration.

Though for an instant, I found myself being pointlessly concerned about whether Sagami was going to take part with the class or the Planning Committee.

What remained in the hallway were the remnants of friendship and passion of every class.

The Sunday tomorrow was a day off. Monday was a holiday. The entire morning of Tuesday would be spent cleaning up by every class. Until then, everything would be left as monumental memories. And after we finished cleaning up, we would turn towards a new event of our youth and go straight towards it. I was probably going to be a part of that class cleanup as well. The excuse of being a Cultural Festival Planning Committee member was today, henceforth, invalid.

…Well, that said, I still had some leftover work. I adjusted the bag on my shoulders. Inside my bag were memo notes of reports that needed to be organized by the assistant historians. My final job was to aggregate the memo notes given to me by the other assistant historians into a single report. Before I could input them into a computer, I needed to extract specific information from them.

If I was at home, I would probably fall asleep and if I was at a restaurant, it would have been too full. There was the chance fellow students might be killing time there until the celebration party too. So I wanted to avoid working at those places.

My feet naturally carried me to a quiet place where I could concentrate. In the special building with no one around, I walked down the hallway and noticed the cold air. We were starting to get deep into autumn. It's been half a year since I had started passing through this hallway and started going to club. I arrived at the room of the Service Club and placed my hand on the door. It was that moment that I realized I didn't have the key.

Normally, I never had to worry about it, since she would always arrive here first. But today, there was no proof she would be here. I removed my hand from the door, thinking I should just give up and head home. But the handle of the door was oddly light. I went ahead and opened the door. It was an unchanging, extremely normal classroom.

However, if there was something completely out of place, it was because there was a single girl inside. Under the setting sun, she was quietly moving her pen.

This painting-like scenery gave the illusion that even if the world had ended, she would, without a doubt, still be here in this room. The moment I saw that, both my body and mind stopped. ––Unwittingly, I found myself fascinated. Noticing that I was standing there idly, Yukinoshita gently placed her pen on the desk.

"Oh, welcome. Most hated man on campus."

"You pickin' a fuckin' fight…?"

"What happened with the celebration party? You're not going?"

"Don't bother asking something you already know the answer to," I said, answering her instead of her question.

Yukinoshita smiled cheerfully. She was probably going to say something outrageous again with that sweet smile of hers. "So? How does it feel to be so hated?"

"Heh, actually having your existence recognized is a pretty good feeling," I said. Yukinoshita placed her hand on her temple as if holding back a headache and sighed.

"I'm not sure if I should find that amazing or shocking… You really are strange… But I don't particularly hate that part of you that affirms weakness like that."

"Yeah, I don't hate it either. In fact, I just love that part about myself."

"I hate that for you, you know."

"Yeah but I have to exist within some state even if that state is loathsome and improbable. That's thermodynamic statistics. Ludwig Boltzmann, who spent much of his life studying statistical mechanics, died in 1906 by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn to study statistical mechanics."

"Must you, then, study them?"

"Um yes? The inner mysteries are everything."

"Surely they aren't everything."

"Well there's my sister too. But even that is a mystery to me. She is a tentacle. I am a tentacle."

"Am I?"

"Yes," I returned. "Now allow me the silence of compiling these notes."

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-WG