pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

There didn't appear to be any fresh faced rumors about me in class this morning. I could only assume they kept it a secret. That was Tobe, Hayama, and Ebina. It seemed like Hayama's group was the same as ever. I suppose they could have made my life hell but they just didn't feel like it. I didn't get the sense of any goodwill from them to me.

It was more resigned. And so I was more resigned. Things could be much worse. Whispers of 'you know Hikitani asked out Ebina,' but there was nothing? Nothing at all? Were they being nice or did they simply not care. I'd prefer if they simply didn't care enough.

It was unlikely to be the case. Given the opportunity, Riajuu would make fun of a loner such as yours truly. It must merely be that the opportunity hadn't arose. Ebina had been nice and sweet and all. Maybe she was being kind. I had more or less saved her. Maybe they thought they owed me. I didn't want them thinking like that.

Who knows what they would do if that was the case.

It was better for me to be ignored.

Loners were better off that way. When Riajuu concerned themselves with loners it was always to the detriment of the loner. Much like in an office or work place. Calling somebody out who just wanted to blend into the woodwork was always bad. Some people just wanted to shut up and do their work.

I suppose as Valedictorian I'd have to give a speech of some sort.

That could be a pain.

But I wasn't there yet. I still had years to go. I had a lot of work ahead of me before i received that accolade. Not that school work was hard. It was easy, blindingly so.

I felt slightly relieved seeing that. It was the world that they wished for; a stagnating world that never changed. This world of theirs was eventually going to decay and rot, but that's not to say it wasn't already. So maybe that was its true form after all.

Both Hayama and Ebina didn't interfere with this side.

That was indeed the correct decision. If they wanted to continue as they were before and after the field trip, then their interaction with each other shouldn't change. But that also meant that the distance between me and them was everlasting.

As I looked at them stupidly, my eyes suddenly met with Yui's.

"…"

"…"

It wasn't that long at all and only a few seconds should've passed. But oddly enough, it felt longer than it should have. As if our gazes were trying to probe the other, I quickly averted my eyes in discomfort. I rested my body on my left hand and closed my eyes. Although I averted my eyes, my ears still continued to work.

"It's that, yeah? Like we'll all go to Disney Land, like to here!"

"That huh?"

"Yeah."

Their conversation had nothing substantial in it, but regardless, Hayama's group continued to talk. There, Yui's laughter mixed in with the others to which she seemed to be relieved as she stroked her chest.

…But really, there's absolutely nothing substantial in their conversations. It'd be bad if the conversation was just because of the mood. On the same note, they could easily just be talking to each other while directly avoiding the real issue.

Yet another possibility was they were enacting a charade to simulate their usual group dynamic from before the field trip. In any case, it's a beautiful thing to have friends. The affection for each other and being each other's shield was a beautiful thing.

They were keeping up their appearances up quite nicely. Of course it'd be beautiful. As such, the formula was comprised of these extremely simple elements: to be on good terms equals beauty equals affectation and being each other's shield. I could clearly see the formula behind it all. If this then that. Like a program with some simple algorithm.

Speaking of which, completed mathematical formulas were beautiful according to one branch of the sciences. I can see where they were coming from. There was a sense of security in the truth that was defined to be everlasting.

As I thought of useless things to kill time, I opened my eyes slightly to check the time. The bell was going to ring soon... At that moment, the figure of someone who rushed to make it on time to class appeared outside the class. He was in a hurry although his pace seemed relaxed.

The person who opened the door shakily and poked his head through the opening to look into the classroom was Saika. Once he confirmed the situation in the classroom, he sighed. Saika wiped down his sweat and looked at his watch.

"Yay, I made it on time..." Saika nodded with a relieved expression and exchanged greetings with classmates on the way to his seat. A little halfway towards his seat, Saika noticed that I was looking at him, the entire time might I add, and approached me. Actually, what should be questioned here was why I was looking at him the entire time, but I'll flip the question there: was there anyone who wasn't always looking at someone? Since Saika had ran here to class, he was breathing hard with a flushed face. He must have been at morning practice since the exhaustion reflected in his eyes was getting to me.

"Morning, Hachiman."

"…Yeah, morning."

I cleared my throat to avoid getting worked up about the situation and greeted him. But as calm as I was, it wasn't like me at all. I responded with an appropriate tone.

But, Saika looked at me in puzzlement and was oddly quiet. The hands he had gently lifted up were stuck airborne.

"..."

"What's up?"

When I asked, Saika waved his hands playing it off and smiled. "Ah, nothing, just thought you were saying hi just like normal."

"..."

Upon hearing that, I shifted just slightly earlier to my reaction. Was there something different than usual? But thinking about it probably wouldn't give me an answer. I shut off my brain there and spoke.

"Aah... Yeah, right. Just like normal. Were you at morning practice?"

"Yep. It's been so long that I got absorbed in it. Ah, still feeling tired from the field trip?"

I recalled the trip on my back home. I was asleep for most of the entire trip on the Shinkansen. He must be talking about that. For the most part, I was half-awake, but I really wasn't in the mood to talk with anyone at the time… Umm, I mean I wasn't exactly in the greatest mood and I didn't want to let Saika see that side of me, you know?

I mean, I want to stay as the cool Hikigaya Hachiman in front of Saika after all. What is this guy saying?

"Aah, yeah, I'm good."

"I see, that's good then." Saika replied with a smile and at that moment, the bell rang.

Saika waved and left for his seat. I smiled comfortably in response. Right, I wasn't tired at all anymore. Or should I say, the fatigue that I've been suffering from was blown away just now.

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

As classes ended one by one, I could feel my body getting increasingly sluggish.

I began to count the remaining hours left of school out of habit. And then, the day concluded with homeroom again which also meant the end of the countdown.

Time was up. I grabbed my bag that had nothing important inside and stood up. People headed for their clubs and headed for home quickly shuffled out of the classroom. I could feel stares pricking at my back but that was eventually cut off when I closed the sliding door behind me. The hallway was submerged in a relaxing atmosphere. Students were running back and forth heading in different directions.

They showed no signs of stopping despite walking so leisurely. I chose to walk down the side of the hallway that wasn't lit up by the sun which didn't feel as warm as the other side. I descended down the stairs and noticed that the density of students wasn't as high as usual. The reason was probably due to some classes still stuck in homeroom.

Not a single person called out to me or questioned my actions as I continued on to the front entrance. I arrived without a hitch. Starting from here, I'd change my shoes and head for the bike parking area.

After unlocking my bike, I'd ride home while spacing out. In a short while, I'd eventually make it home safe and sound. But that wasn't very like me. I am me. Just like always. That's why I should pass the time like I always do.

Just as I exited the front entrance, a vending machine came into view. It was time to change gears. I chose canned coffee. But again, what I chose wasn't the Ayataka brand.

"…This sure is bitter." I gulped down the coffee and threw the empty can into the trash.

The bitter taste continued to linger in my mouth and running around wouldn't make it go away. As usual, my legs felt heavy but I forced myself to move.

I took a route different than the one I usually used to go to the club room. As I walked through the hallway and ascended the stairs, bothersome thoughts started to fill my head. I made small sighs while I did.

After taking my time, I was in finally in front of the club room. Before I placed my hand on the door, I breathed in deeply. At that moment, I could hear voices leaking out from the inside. I couldn't make heads or tails of what they were talking about, but it seems like they were here already. Having confirmed that, I opened the door in one motion.

Once I did, they stopped talking.

"…"

The three of us were silent. Yukinoshita and Yui, who were fixated on me, had a look of surprise. They probably thought I wouldn't bother coming since it was so late already. They were half correct. I wasn't particularly that motivated to come here after all.

I was just being stubborn, that's all. It was just the stubbornness of someone who was shredded to pieces by the malicious and uncooperative intent of others. This show of resistance belonged only to me for the sake of not denying my past, my actions, and my beliefs. I greeted them with a nod and proceeded to my designated spot. Once I situated myself in the chair I pulled out, I took out an unfinished book from my bag. The bookmark that marked my spot in the book was still the same as it was before the field trip.

When I began reading Lolita, time that was frozen began to move again.

Laid out on the table were quilt tea cozies with baked sweets and chocolates. Lined up one by one were a tea cup and mug with steam arising from both. The room felt warm and smelled of tea possibly from water that was recently just boiled.

However, I could feel the warmth of the room gradually drop and drop. Yukinoshita looked at me with cold piercing eyes.

"…So you came after all."

"Yep, as you can see." I answered nonchalantly and flipped the page I was on despite having only read a little less than half of it. Yukinoshita didn't say a word after that.

Yui snuck hesitant glances at me, but the only thing she did was place her mug to her mouth. But true enough, the mood was incredibly stuffy. It was pretty much asking me why I came. The criticizing silence continued.

My eyes followed along the lines of the book. I rested my back against the chair and loosened my shoulders as I flipped the pages. It was the start of the unproductive period where I unconsciously began to count down the remaining time between the remaining pages of the book and when it was time to head home.

Someone had cleared their throat, the rustling of clothes could be heard, and someone could be heard fidgeting. Even the ticking of the long hand of the clock could be heard.

As if that was the trigger, Yui slightly breathed in and spoke up. "Ah, speaking of which, everyone was acting really normal. Um, that is… everyone…" Although she was in the middle of her speech, her words grew increasingly mumbled as if the stale atmosphere was crushing her. But, Yukinoshita and I were looking directly at her. By everyone, she probably meant Tobe, Ebina, Hayama and even Miura. But she was right. The field trip was over but that group hadn't change at all. They were on good terms like always and that was something you could take from just looking at them.

"...Right, just looking at them gives me the impression there's nothing wrong." It wasn't like I was proud of what I did. In fact, what I did was probably classified as the worst things you could do. Regardless, the fact that what I did didn't go wasted saved me.

That's why it was fine to consider that as my own honest opinion.

"…I see. Then, that's fine."

Yukinoshita followed the rim of her tea cup with her fingertips as she said that. But, her weary gaze was directed at the surface of the tea and her expression indicated she wasn't in the least convinced. As if Yui mustered her strength after that conversation was over, she laughed heartily while caressing the ball of hair on her head.

"I mean, it was a little scary, but I didn't really have anything to worry about. Everyone's just... normal."

That summoned energy lost momentum halfway through. She lowered her despondent face downwards and the words she uttered at the very end sounded hollow.

"...I don't really know what they're thinking about anymore." Exactly who were those words directed at? The chance that the word everyone included people not limited to Hayama and his groupies startled me.

As I sat there with no response, Yukinoshita spoke up. "...That's how it was originally. There's no way we'd understand what they'd be thinking about anyway."

Yui became quiet again after hearing those blunt words. The warmth of the mug that Yui gripped onto had already disappeared. Seeing Yui look hurt, Yukinoshita continued on with her words with 'besides'.

"Even if people knew what each other were thinking, whether we'll understand or not is a different problem." Yukinoshita stretched out her hand to the tea cup she was looking down on. Although the tea should've been cold by now, she drank it slowly and carefully and silently placed the cup back on the saucer without making any noise. It was as if she hated the sound. The silence questioned me. Regarding the meaning of her words, that is.

"...Sounds about right." There wasn't a need to think about it since the meaning was obvious. What Yukinoshita said was absolutely correct and there was no fault that I could nitpick. It was indeed the truth.

I let out a short sigh and straightened up. "Well, you don't need to worry about it too much. As long as we act like normal, then that would be the best thing, right?" If we wanted to continue in the same way without changing, then we should do the same with our surroundings too. The bonds between people were easily breakable after all. It was a combination of internal and external factors.

Yui repeated my words slowly. "We should act normal too… yeah…" She nodded despite not looking too confident and convinced.

I nodded as well in response. This was our decision. No, it was my decision. But just one person didn't show signs of consent.

Yukinoshita Yukino gazed directly at me. As I sat there feeling the pressure from her gaze, Yukinoshita slowly began to speak. "Normal, huh…? That's right. To you, that would be normal."

"…Right." When I answered, Yukinoshita let out a small sigh.

"...Nothing will change, right?" I felt I was told that at some point. But, the words spoken just now had a completely different meaning. The words had a feeling of resignation in it and a feeling that something had ended. They were words without warmth in them. Those words pricked at my chest.

"You... Um…" Yukinoshita looked like she had trouble trying to say something as her words were cut off abruptly. Her eyes wandered around as if she was trying to look for the words she wanted to say. ...Aah. This was probably the continuation from before. She was going to tell me the words that she swallowed that one time. I relaxed my body that grew stiff unknowingly and waited for Yukinoshita to continue. Yukinoshita gripped at her skirt. Her shoulders slightly shook. Finally looking determined, her throat began to move. But, the words just wouldn't come out.

"Yu-Yukinon! U, Um, um you see…" Yui forcefully placed her mug on the table and hoping to talk, interrupted the conversation. It was as if she had a feeling that what Yukinoshita was going to say were words that shouldn't be said. But that was nothing more than procrastination. The way she acted as if she was trying to pretend she didn't notice could only be seen as if she was trying to keep a secret under wraps.

The stagnant mood continued and the two tried to look for words to say, only to give birth to silence. How much were they looking for? It definitely wasn't anything trivial.

The only thing in motion was the small hand of the clock. Still, the sound of knocking came from the door as if minding the ticking time.

We all faced the door, but no one spoke up.

Once more, there were more knocks to confirm.

"Come in." The one who answered was me. I wasn't all that loud, but it seems it had reached past the door.

The door clattered open. "Coming in."

The one who said that and came in was Miss Hiratsuka.

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

-WG